Loss Protocol Volume 1

by Julien Baker, Ariel Baldwin (Editor)

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Queer, LGBT, Art

52 pages, Paperback

Published September 25, 2021

About the author

Julien Rose Baker (born September 29, 1995) is an American singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist. Her music is noted for its moody quality and confessional lyrical style, as well as frank explorations of issues including spirituality, addiction, mental illness, and human nature.

Reviews

[Hannah Showalter]

It's hard to imagine a world where this wasn't going to be a five star read for me, but regardless of my implicit bias, this was a stunning little book. I'm the group of people that doesn't become sadder while listening to Julien Baker; she gives me a comfort in the darkest of times that few others can. It's the ultimate comfort to know I'm not alone in any of it, someone else has felt it, too. Reading her words and seeing her art had that same effect.

Julien is one of the most honest and genuine artists I've ever encountered, and this zine reflects that completely.

[sarah]

have never read something that made this amount of empathy flow through my veins

[Nikolas Kalar]

I've always loved Julien Baker's music. She was one of my favorite discoveries some years ago with the release of her sophomore album "Turn Out the Lights." She is one of the best at excavating the intense emotional discords of mental illness and addiction with clarity, honesty, and empathy. She's an excellent songwriter, virtuoso guitar player, and a searing vocalist. I've seen her live twice (in fact, the second show is where I picked this up) and highly recommend anyone see her perform live.

No different from her music, "Loss Protocol" offers incisive emotional honesty, but forgoes any musical metaphors that typically linger in her songwriting. "Loss Protocol"'s introduction provides some wildly wide-open look into the troubles of her personal life in 2019, and how those things transitioned into the global difficulties of 2020. If Julien ever decided to write an entire memoir, I would read it without hesitation.

Her illustrations are magnificent and expressive too. I first noticed them on their inclusion of the lyrics booklet to the "Little Oblivion" records, so to have an entire zine of them makes me very happy. If Julien ever decide to put out an art book, I would read it without hesitation.

Anything she touches turns to gold and helps guide my understanding of my illnesses.

[katherine]

i cried. like i fully sobbed and im tearing up just thinking about the zine right now. julien i love you and this was one of the most beautiful things i have ever read in my life. i am so glad i found you

[Charlie Yale]

Ouch

[Destynie]

"I felt an abject concern that only comes when there is nothing left to dread, when you find yourself in a cycle of failure so inevitable that it might as well become deliberate...I found there was a twisted delight in self-obliteration, a relief in the voluntary surrender. It was a shred of power, bleak but gratifying, the kind grasped for when a person's only recourse against the absurd helplessness of living becomes the ability to destroy their life completely, willingly."

I need a full memoir from Julien someday because this was painfully short but so beautifully done. Her writing is so insightful and honest and resonates so deeply. The content was eerily relatable to me, but her words and illustrations are capable of evoking empathy in anybody I'm sure. I feel so honoured and grateful that she shared this - it helped me process my thoughts on the past few years of my life and will be something I revisit often.

[Emily Arceneaux]

I read this for the first time a couple of years ago after discovering Julien’s music and was so emotionally barraged that I quite literally blocked out much of the content. After living more of my life which consisted of various novel experiences, including but not limited to experiencing some of the worst depression of my life and working in different inpatient psychiatric units, I thought I should revisit it. When I had finished working my last inpatient day, I started thinking about this piece of work again and decided I should give it another read. I am so glad I did, but I am reminded of why it was so tough to get through the first time. The most striking thing about Julien’s writing to me has always been how honest and articulate she is in recording her experiences, feelings, and thoughts. It’s abundantly clear in her music, and I think she’s probably the artist where I’ve had the most “that’s a feeling I’ve had but didn’t know I did until you verbalized it” moments in listening to her work. I cannot possibly provide words enough to express my gratitude that her musical work exists in its earnest and emotional entirety. Being able to have someone give their honest thoughts and views on their own experiences helped me to find a rough draft of my own thoughts and feelings about my life, and that is something I would not have had without the true gift of her music. That being said, this piece of work is especially obliterating. Her drawings and prose are gut-wrenching and impactful. The whole time I was reading the introduction I felt like I was reading someone’s diary they wanted kept secret or listening to someone talk about things I shouldn’t be in the room to hear. Her honesty here is confronting in a way that can be hard to accept at times. Her skill for writing lyrics certainly carries over in all of her writing, and it almost feels as though she’s telling the story of her life from a bird’s eye view but with the insight from herself. The way she’s able to concentrate such specific feelings into drawings is also truly wonderful. I feel so lucky to be privy to her exceptional talent for articulating emotion in so many ways, and I admire the bravery to do it not only to herself but to an audience of people all hoping to gain something different from the end product. She is such a gem of an artist, and I don’t think there are words enough to sing her praises.

[Faye]

This isn’t a review, this is a note for myself at 3am after I found a linked pdf of this (from an article!) and proceeded to somehow, despite being continually floored by everything by her, vastly underestimate how intensely both the writing and the art would hit me :
- I want to digitally ink some of this a) so the teenage me (who literally pre-compared myself to fictional other students until I panicked my way into rejecting a scholarship to art school) gets practice and b) I can kinda imagine what her work might look like as a published graphic novel which it deserves to be

- if (when) I finally get my hands on Someone Who Isn’t Me I really want to like. Hold both of them up to the light next to each other? The written narrative. It’s a totally different experience and also this isn’t even meant to be the particulars of Julien Baker’s experience with sobriety the way that SWIM is a fictionalized version of Geoff Rickly’s but….i have a strong feeling they will still absolutely overlap in a way I already suspected their various mental health and substance struggles do (and that resonates with me, sometimes for me, sometimes about other addictions and battles, sometimes about friends).

Anyway: an unorthodox note to self and even less orthodox review. here’s a better one: this was incredibly affecting and relatable and honest in a way that makes me want to do something as a response.

[Laura]

I will pretty much pick up anything Baker throws down, so I was very excited to come across this. I haven't looked at a 'zine in at least 25 years, so this brought me back to a time when. . . this story was much more relatable. The copy covers some of what she was going through in 2019, and the way she describes her situation is very candid but poetic. You come out of this with a lot of empathy for her, and I kind of wanted to hug her. I think this also sheds some insight into the songs on her album from the same time, Little Oblivions.

I was concerned that the cartoons would be tough - sometimes it's too early for me to go back to 2020. But they were reflective and funny and I think showed her experience - which wasn't that different from that of so many other people. Worth checking out, and all the proceeds go to a great cause.

[Taylor Waterkotte]

“I felt an abject unconcern that only comes when there is nothing left to dread, when you find yourself in a cycle of failure so inevitable that it might as well become deliberate…I found there was a twisted delight in self-obliteration, a relief in the voluntary surrender. It was a shred of power, bleak but gratifying, the kind grasped for when a person’s only recourse against the absurd helplessness of living becomes the ability to destroy their life completely, willingly.”

It’s 1:30 in the morning, I’m crying, and I don’t know what to say. This is it.

[S]

a gorgeous essay from one of my favorite musicians - i knew i’d love it but wow this blew me away. and brilliant cartoons that rlly made me think and reflect again on covid’s surreal impact on society—as well as the dystopia of modern technology, growing older, and what it means to do good. “people have been doing it for quite some time. social distancing wasn’t necessarily new. it felt like our bodies caught up to wherever our minds had gone.”

[D]

i was never going to not love this but it’s still pretty staggering how much i did. characteristically devastating writing and the illustrations felt both like a time capsule and, particularly the final panel, eerily prophetic in light of recent events

[daisy ꣑ৎ]

this is truly one of the greatest pieces of literature i’ve read, it captures the feeling and very essence of substance abuse/mental illness in an amazing and for some, relatable way. Please if you haven’t already, read this.

[chloé]

“i felt an abject unconcern that only comes when there is nothing left to dread, when you find yourself in a cycle of failure so inevitable that it might as well become deliberate.”

just insanely beautiful and sad and life changing

[Peter G]

Baker’s distinct voice comes through in another powerful form. Heartbreaking, insightful, and powerful!

[shrav]

i have no words julien baker you’re the love of my life

[Hannah Tonseth]

Happy boygenius day!!!

[Rebekah Willing]

Heartbreaking and raw look into mental illness and substance abuse. It’s one of those things that you only read once but think about for years

[michelle g.k.]

torturously human and as achingly gorgeous as her music, which i assumed (wrongly) would be an impossible feat. jb is a class act. this is real art.

[miriam]

raw and moving and honest and redemptive and hopeful

[Lily Ellington]

sobbing.

[lia keeley]

this was painfully beautiful, raw, and real. reading this was like a punch to the gut.

[molly eliza edwards]

“there was a twisted delight in self obliteration, a relief in the voluntary surrender”

i think it’s julien baker’s brutal honesty of life and the world itself that makes her writing and lyricism such a beacon of solace to me (and so many others). her candid sincerity surrounding mental health, addiction etc offer comfort in times where it feels least possible. thank you julien for doing what so many people fail to do for themselves and others, genuine acknowledgment of the reality of “making one’s faults seen by their communities so that they can learn how to change their behaviour and how to better serve others”. this was hauntingly beautiful and will stay with me.

[Vanessa Campi]

julien’s writing and music is insanely good and this is no exception. she grapples with addiction and trauma in a way that is so refreshing. as someone who struggles with self destructive behaviour she really hit the nail on the head with this one. some people have a way of making you feel seen, and julien is one of those people <3

[Ryan Kovatch]

Julien Baker remains one of the most impactful artists I've discovered in my life, so I am thrilled to have this collection from her. The foreword is raw, the illustrations are coarse and real — all around great stuff.

[Lysander Keprta]

Really glad to see my favorite artist breaking into the world of literature and graphic writing. Not my favorite subject matter but still something I would read because of who wrote it.