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Flying on the Inside: A Memoir of Trauma and Recovery
The remarkable true story of one woman’s journey back from the brink. Newly widowed and faced with a deadly brain tumour, she was given two years to live. She wanted more…
When her six-year-old daughter found her collapsed on the kitchen floor, Rachel had no idea how much her life was about to change.
A brain scan revealed a dark shadowy mass, a huge abnormal growth of tissue that, whilst benign, was still growing and would surely kill her. It was too big to operate on. It needed to be ‘managed’, and Rachel had, at best, two years to live.
Refusing to accept the bleak prognosis, Rachel was determined to stay alive. She had already lost far too much. She had already watched her brother succumb, at only twenty-eight, to cancer. She had already lost her beloved husband in a terrible scuba diving accident when she was six months pregnant. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She fought for her life.
This gripping and inspiring memoir about overcoming tragedy and trauma charts one tenacious woman’s incredible fight to find light in the darkest of journeys. It is a life-affirming tale of positivity and hope in the face of the most difficult of human experiences.
When her six-year-old daughter found her collapsed on the kitchen floor, Rachel had no idea how much her life was about to change.
A brain scan revealed a dark shadowy mass, a huge abnormal growth of tissue that, whilst benign, was still growing and would surely kill her. It was too big to operate on. It needed to be ‘managed’, and Rachel had, at best, two years to live.
Refusing to accept the bleak prognosis, Rachel was determined to stay alive. She had already lost far too much. She had already watched her brother succumb, at only twenty-eight, to cancer. She had already lost her beloved husband in a terrible scuba diving accident when she was six months pregnant. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She fought for her life.
This gripping and inspiring memoir about overcoming tragedy and trauma charts one tenacious woman’s incredible fight to find light in the darkest of journeys. It is a life-affirming tale of positivity and hope in the face of the most difficult of human experiences.
248 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 1, 2021
1589 people are currently reading
3999 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 195 reviews
November 5, 2021
This book should be a required read for all!
I am left speechless after having read this memoir. The author is probably one of the strongest women alive!
I chose this book as my Amazon Prime’s First Read for the month of November, and I am so happy that I did. This book is going to stay with me for a long time, as I’m always going to remember the trauma, pain, and grief that the author endured. This wasn’t always easy to read (I recommend having some tissues nearby), but it was very educational and inspiring at the same time.
I don’t always re-read books (because I still have so many that need to be read), but I do plan on reading this book again.
I highly recommend reading Flying on the Inside, by Rachel Gotto, and I would also like to thank the author for giving us the chance to see what it was like to have to walk in her shoes (or maybe cowboy boots).
I am left speechless after having read this memoir. The author is probably one of the strongest women alive!
I chose this book as my Amazon Prime’s First Read for the month of November, and I am so happy that I did. This book is going to stay with me for a long time, as I’m always going to remember the trauma, pain, and grief that the author endured. This wasn’t always easy to read (I recommend having some tissues nearby), but it was very educational and inspiring at the same time.
I don’t always re-read books (because I still have so many that need to be read), but I do plan on reading this book again.
I highly recommend reading Flying on the Inside, by Rachel Gotto, and I would also like to thank the author for giving us the chance to see what it was like to have to walk in her shoes (or maybe cowboy boots).
November 7, 2021
There is much to appreciate about Rachel Gotto's "Flying on the Inside: A Memoir of Trauma and Recovery," an Amazon First Reads selection marking Gotto's admirable journey through childhood trauma along with dual tragedies of her brother's death at the age of 28 due to cancer and her husband's death during a diving accident while Rachel was six months present.
Finally, there is Rachel herself. Already having survived multiple traumas in her life, Gotto was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness after having been found by her six-year-old daughter passed out on her kitchen floor. Despite a poor prognosis, Rachel would fight for her life and win.
"Flying on the Inside" is certainly an inspirational story told with clarity and insight by Gotto herself, now a therapist whose experiences with trauma unquestionably help her guide those who've experienced traumas.
As I noted, there is much to admire about "Flying on the Inside" and even more to admire about Gotto herself. "Flying on the Inside" captures a woman with an insatiable spirit for life and a terrific determination to not just survive but to thrive.
However, there were also times I struggled with "Flying on the Inside."
First off, I must admit that as a wheelchair user I found certain language to be offensively ableist. While there's no question in my mind this was not intentional, I still found it distracting. Gotto's determination to recover is certainly admirable, but there were times in "Flying on the Inside" when this translated to disability stereotypes and negative imagery. This is particularly evident in sections dealing with Gotto's post-surgery paralysis and the uncertainty whether she would ever regain the physical control she had lost. I understood what she was going for here, but I simply felt this could have been communicated much more effectively.
Much of "Flying on the Inside," as well, is written going back-and-forth in time. For example, recounting memories of her losses then telling stories that are more recent. For the most part, this worked fine and kept "Flying on the Inside" from ever becoming overwhelmingly tragic in tone. However, there were times the emotional flow of the book became disrupted by this constant shifting. This was particularly evident toward book's end as Gotto finished one section talking about an Italian lover then immediately bounced back into very poignant memories of the day her husband died.
It just felt, well, icky.
"Flying on the Inside" is written in very English stylings. From Ireland, Gotto writes in a very matter-of-fact way and balances the intellectual and emotional aspects of her physical and emotional recovery. American readers should know that the writing is also very English in terms of grammar and structure. While American authors tend to write more for emotional resonance when addressing trauma, Gotto recognizes the importance of exploring the more intellectual side of the experience.
Despite having experienced my own significant traumas and, much like Gotto, also having worked in trauma myself, I never really fully engaged with "Flying on the Inside" or, perhaps better said, I never really fully engaged with Gotto herself. I never disengaged from her, a good thing, but I expected a better connection to form. Most of the other people in the book, as well, were largely secondary with the possible exception of Gotto's daughter Nicola.
Ultimately, I more appreciated "Flying on the Inside" than actually enjoyed it. I can't help but think that Gotto's writing will resonate with those who've had experience with trauma either themselves or through a loved one. I think others may find the book less engaging.
While "Flying on the Inside" didn't entirely work for me, it's a book I admire and it would be impossible to not admire Gotto's transformation over the course of her life. While I wish that "Flying on the Inside" better captured the miraculous nature of it all, the fact that Gotto is surviving and thriving and here to tell her story is remarkable and those searching for an inspirational story will find much to admire here.
Finally, there is Rachel herself. Already having survived multiple traumas in her life, Gotto was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness after having been found by her six-year-old daughter passed out on her kitchen floor. Despite a poor prognosis, Rachel would fight for her life and win.
"Flying on the Inside" is certainly an inspirational story told with clarity and insight by Gotto herself, now a therapist whose experiences with trauma unquestionably help her guide those who've experienced traumas.
As I noted, there is much to admire about "Flying on the Inside" and even more to admire about Gotto herself. "Flying on the Inside" captures a woman with an insatiable spirit for life and a terrific determination to not just survive but to thrive.
However, there were also times I struggled with "Flying on the Inside."
First off, I must admit that as a wheelchair user I found certain language to be offensively ableist. While there's no question in my mind this was not intentional, I still found it distracting. Gotto's determination to recover is certainly admirable, but there were times in "Flying on the Inside" when this translated to disability stereotypes and negative imagery. This is particularly evident in sections dealing with Gotto's post-surgery paralysis and the uncertainty whether she would ever regain the physical control she had lost. I understood what she was going for here, but I simply felt this could have been communicated much more effectively.
Much of "Flying on the Inside," as well, is written going back-and-forth in time. For example, recounting memories of her losses then telling stories that are more recent. For the most part, this worked fine and kept "Flying on the Inside" from ever becoming overwhelmingly tragic in tone. However, there were times the emotional flow of the book became disrupted by this constant shifting. This was particularly evident toward book's end as Gotto finished one section talking about an Italian lover then immediately bounced back into very poignant memories of the day her husband died.
It just felt, well, icky.
"Flying on the Inside" is written in very English stylings. From Ireland, Gotto writes in a very matter-of-fact way and balances the intellectual and emotional aspects of her physical and emotional recovery. American readers should know that the writing is also very English in terms of grammar and structure. While American authors tend to write more for emotional resonance when addressing trauma, Gotto recognizes the importance of exploring the more intellectual side of the experience.
Despite having experienced my own significant traumas and, much like Gotto, also having worked in trauma myself, I never really fully engaged with "Flying on the Inside" or, perhaps better said, I never really fully engaged with Gotto herself. I never disengaged from her, a good thing, but I expected a better connection to form. Most of the other people in the book, as well, were largely secondary with the possible exception of Gotto's daughter Nicola.
Ultimately, I more appreciated "Flying on the Inside" than actually enjoyed it. I can't help but think that Gotto's writing will resonate with those who've had experience with trauma either themselves or through a loved one. I think others may find the book less engaging.
While "Flying on the Inside" didn't entirely work for me, it's a book I admire and it would be impossible to not admire Gotto's transformation over the course of her life. While I wish that "Flying on the Inside" better captured the miraculous nature of it all, the fact that Gotto is surviving and thriving and here to tell her story is remarkable and those searching for an inspirational story will find much to admire here.
December 16, 2021
This book starts out strong with a good story line and good story telling. Somewhere around the 2/3 mark it gets very self serving with excuses and very very detailed struggles to quite the medication. This woman's daughter is treated like an afterthought throughout the book
There also is no description on how she got the feeling in her right side back. When did she start walking? These important plot points are just skipped over and yet we are forced to read pages upon pages on how she stopped taking a seizure medication.
Finally, the title had nothing to do with the plot and this whole book just comes across as "oh poor me".
There also is no description on how she got the feeling in her right side back. When did she start walking? These important plot points are just skipped over and yet we are forced to read pages upon pages on how she stopped taking a seizure medication.
Finally, the title had nothing to do with the plot and this whole book just comes across as "oh poor me".
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 7, 2021
Interesting story but too self focused
It starts out well but progresses to a litany of seemingly unbearable symptoms so disturbing that it seems impossible anyone could bear them. I love medical stories but this one was just too depressing and unbelievable. Also the author focuses so much on herself; the stories of others in her life may have made the story more interesting and hopeful.
It starts out well but progresses to a litany of seemingly unbearable symptoms so disturbing that it seems impossible anyone could bear them. I love medical stories but this one was just too depressing and unbelievable. Also the author focuses so much on herself; the stories of others in her life may have made the story more interesting and hopeful.
January 5, 2022
I really wanted to like this book. The story in itself was incredible, but the book was not. I really disliked how the chapters would jump 10 years ahead, 5 years back, 3 years forward, 15 years back, etc. It seemed as if I were reading multiple books at once. Rachel is an incredible woman, brimming with strength and perseverance. I loved reading of her healing. However, I felt a large portion of the book was more based on the medical side and her different medications which I feel like took away from her story. Although I know that is part of her story, I felt very disconnected from her story anytime she would go off for pages about different medications and symptoms of medications and medical specifics. The book cover boasts about her trauma and recovery, and I felt as though I didn't get to read enough about HER in her trauma and recovery but mostly about her medical conditions, complications, medication troubles, ect. Overall, I rated 2 stars because I would've loved to be able to connect more with Rachel through her memoir.
January 8, 2022
instead of flying, it should be crashing
This book started out very interesting. She describes in detail the problem she was having, but it quickly became unreal. We never did understand where she had gotten the money in order to live the lifestyle that she was living. Also the way she gave up her life and traveled the country in the world with her brother seemed very far-fetched. As it got more into her own illness, it got very depressing and boring and I found myself flipping through the last 50 pages very quickly in order to get to the end. I find it hard to believe that her daughter came through this as well as she did; I feel we’re going to be reading her book about her therapy in the years to come.
This book started out very interesting. She describes in detail the problem she was having, but it quickly became unreal. We never did understand where she had gotten the money in order to live the lifestyle that she was living. Also the way she gave up her life and traveled the country in the world with her brother seemed very far-fetched. As it got more into her own illness, it got very depressing and boring and I found myself flipping through the last 50 pages very quickly in order to get to the end. I find it hard to believe that her daughter came through this as well as she did; I feel we’re going to be reading her book about her therapy in the years to come.
November 9, 2021
Gotto's memoir of overcoming her life's struggles is amazing, and would be especially helpful to anyone suffering huge, unexpected loss. Starting with a father who crushed her self-esteem, the death of a beloved brother, on to a happy new marriage and sudden widowhood when pregnant (this is not a spoiler, you know at the beginning of the book), and if that's not enough - sudden seizures reveal a huge brain tumor. You think it would be depressing, but Gotto tells the story always looking for answers and solutions. The information she gives about self-withdrawal from years of prescription drugs seems like it would be very helpful to anyone with a similar problem. The book is short, well-written, and interesting. And it is inspiring to think what one determined person can overcome.
December 4, 2022
Flying on the Inside is a powerful story about Rachel Gotto's journey through some challenging times in her life. As a reader, I appreciated and respected Rachel for all that she has been through. It took a lot of courage to share these difficult life events and her vulnerability is shown throughout the book. At times I could definitely relate to Rachel and some of the struggles she went through with the medical profession. Unfortunately, the writing style really ruined the book for me. It is obvious that Rachel is a newer writer and not a strong one at that. I found myself losing interest in her story throughout and would start skimming through the pages. I also wasn't a huge fan of the writing style. The book flips between timelines and I wish it would have just gone in order instead of jumping between timelines as it did. While I appreciate Rachel for sharing her story, I am not sure I would recommend it to others.
****
Rachel has been through more in her life than most will ever experience. Throughout Rachel's childhood, she dealt with an abusive father. At the age of twenty-eight, her brother was diagnosed with bowel cancer and ended up passing away. When Rachel was six months pregnant, her husband dies during an ocean dive. Then, to top things off, Rachel is diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation, AVM, an abnormal growth of tissue in her brain. Most surgeons won't operate on it and have given her two years tops to live. When she finally finds a surgeon who will operate on it, she is left partially paralyzed and has to continue taking medication to help control her seizures. Her recovery is long and difficult and the medication she has to take has server-side effects. When she decides to stop taking them, she goes through bad withdrawals and struggles to taper off them for years. Rachel shares all of this and more in her memoir, Flying on the Inside.
****
Rachel has been through more in her life than most will ever experience. Throughout Rachel's childhood, she dealt with an abusive father. At the age of twenty-eight, her brother was diagnosed with bowel cancer and ended up passing away. When Rachel was six months pregnant, her husband dies during an ocean dive. Then, to top things off, Rachel is diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation, AVM, an abnormal growth of tissue in her brain. Most surgeons won't operate on it and have given her two years tops to live. When she finally finds a surgeon who will operate on it, she is left partially paralyzed and has to continue taking medication to help control her seizures. Her recovery is long and difficult and the medication she has to take has server-side effects. When she decides to stop taking them, she goes through bad withdrawals and struggles to taper off them for years. Rachel shares all of this and more in her memoir, Flying on the Inside.
July 20, 2022
This is an excellent book though I have no idea how the title relates to its content.
I’ve never previously read about a person who has been through so much and so bravely survived and returned to normal.
Rachel is British but lives in Ireland.
Firstly, Rachel had to put up with a brutal father. Secondly, she lost her beloved brother whom she was exceedingly close to, so much so that it felt like losing a part of herself. He died from cancer at the age of twenty-eight.
Thirdly, she lost her wonderful husband, Nic, in a drowning accident.
Subsequently, she was diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation, AVM; this was an abnormal growth of tissue in her brain, not cancerous, but very large,
It was too large to be operated on, and otherwise Rachel would die within two years. No doctors could do anything for her.
She had horrific seizures so her life was a nightmare.
Eventually, a very brave and capable surgeon agreed to risk surgery to remove the tumour. She might well die during surgery, and even if the tumour were to be successfully removed, she would become paralyzed in the left side of her body.
She gave birth to a daughter, Nicola, who became blind in one eye.
In order to contain the seizures, Rachel had to take a cocktail of horrendous drugs, including Frisium, a benzodiazepine.
The exceedingly dangerous operation was successful, but as the surgeon had previously warned her, she became totally paralyzed on her left side.
Now came the worst of the lot, the dreadful symptoms while withdrawing from Frisium, the potent benzodiazepine she was on.
She did this very gradually though a doctor told her she could just immediately stop taking it; she tried this with horrendous results. Eventually she switched to Valium before stopping that too.
I can highly recommend the book, which is like no other. Rachel had to undergo a frightening process, and not everyone would have managed it.
I’ve never previously read about a person who has been through so much and so bravely survived and returned to normal.
Rachel is British but lives in Ireland.
Firstly, Rachel had to put up with a brutal father. Secondly, she lost her beloved brother whom she was exceedingly close to, so much so that it felt like losing a part of herself. He died from cancer at the age of twenty-eight.
Thirdly, she lost her wonderful husband, Nic, in a drowning accident.
Subsequently, she was diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation, AVM; this was an abnormal growth of tissue in her brain, not cancerous, but very large,
It was too large to be operated on, and otherwise Rachel would die within two years. No doctors could do anything for her.
She had horrific seizures so her life was a nightmare.
Eventually, a very brave and capable surgeon agreed to risk surgery to remove the tumour. She might well die during surgery, and even if the tumour were to be successfully removed, she would become paralyzed in the left side of her body.
She gave birth to a daughter, Nicola, who became blind in one eye.
In order to contain the seizures, Rachel had to take a cocktail of horrendous drugs, including Frisium, a benzodiazepine.
The exceedingly dangerous operation was successful, but as the surgeon had previously warned her, she became totally paralyzed on her left side.
Now came the worst of the lot, the dreadful symptoms while withdrawing from Frisium, the potent benzodiazepine she was on.
She did this very gradually though a doctor told her she could just immediately stop taking it; she tried this with horrendous results. Eventually she switched to Valium before stopping that too.
I can highly recommend the book, which is like no other. Rachel had to undergo a frightening process, and not everyone would have managed it.
May 19, 2022
This is a memoir written by a British woman who survives and recovers from a brain tumor. she is born in England but her family sails on a boat and they end up living in West Cork, on the shores of Ireland.
Rachel Gotto undergoes a number of tragedies and traumas in her life. Her twin-like brother dies of cancer at an early age. Her husband dies of a tragic diving accident when she is pregnant with their daughter. On top of all of this, she is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.
It is only through her perseverance and inner strength that she manages to survive and ultimately thrive in life. She finally finds a doctor that will operate on her, although she is left paralyzed on her left side. Her doctors prescribe very heavy anti-seizure medications, that soon numb her personality and self. Through what she says is the most horrific experience in her life, she overcomes her paralysis and weans herself off the medications over a two and 1/2 year period. she utilizes therapy, yoga, meditation, and an introduction to Buddhism to give her strength for her journey. Her journey allows her to gain inner strength and the knowledge that the mind can heal the body.
The is an amazing story - it is an easy and quick read - though at times it is difficult to read through her constant pain. It is an inspiring book, one that is relatable to anyone who has struggled through a tough time in life.
Rachel Gotto undergoes a number of tragedies and traumas in her life. Her twin-like brother dies of cancer at an early age. Her husband dies of a tragic diving accident when she is pregnant with their daughter. On top of all of this, she is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.
It is only through her perseverance and inner strength that she manages to survive and ultimately thrive in life. She finally finds a doctor that will operate on her, although she is left paralyzed on her left side. Her doctors prescribe very heavy anti-seizure medications, that soon numb her personality and self. Through what she says is the most horrific experience in her life, she overcomes her paralysis and weans herself off the medications over a two and 1/2 year period. she utilizes therapy, yoga, meditation, and an introduction to Buddhism to give her strength for her journey. Her journey allows her to gain inner strength and the knowledge that the mind can heal the body.
The is an amazing story - it is an easy and quick read - though at times it is difficult to read through her constant pain. It is an inspiring book, one that is relatable to anyone who has struggled through a tough time in life.
January 11, 2022
A truly inspiring story for anyone who struggling with grief, disabilities, seizures, illness, addiction or any other kind of adversity. The path that Rachel follows is a blueprint that could help to lead others to success, it is paved with determination and a strong belief that healing is possible and that we are all worthy to be healed. Her own healing is miraculous but also incredibly difficult. This story will help inspire you to seek your own recovery, knowing that it will require hard work and determination, but will be well worth the effort.
Rachel has experienced a life that I don't believe many of us would be able to endure. She holds nothing back in the telling of her story!
I can’t imagine going through such as this without my Lord and Savior walking by my side. It must have Ben terribly hard for Rachel!!!
Rachel has experienced a life that I don't believe many of us would be able to endure. She holds nothing back in the telling of her story!
I can’t imagine going through such as this without my Lord and Savior walking by my side. It must have Ben terribly hard for Rachel!!!
dnf
September 15, 2022DNF. I wanted so much to like this, but unfortunately I felt it was persistently very bleak, very formal, and worst of all, very cold and dismissive of the reader, giving us absolutely nothing but stark mostly emotionless detail. Fair enough she's been through a lot and I don't doubt she's an inspiration, but I can't stick with a book that seems so apathetic to the audience.
January 8, 2022
A really compelling, thought provoking read. Rachel shares her (often emotional and traumatic) story in such a way that you are left feeling uplifted and inspired. A really good read and I'd definitely recommend.
December 6, 2021
Forget not that we as humans have great strength and with the mind we were given can do great things.
April 6, 2025
Never give up
Never let anyone tell you you won't get better, trust yourself, beat any odds Dr's tell you. Determination is in your favor. You never know what can do until they tell you you can't
Never let anyone tell you you won't get better, trust yourself, beat any odds Dr's tell you. Determination is in your favor. You never know what can do until they tell you you can't
November 12, 2021
This is nonfiction. You have to admire the author's true grit and perseverance in overcoming great losses, brain trauma, depression, and addiction. It's encouraging to see how love for her daughter inspires her to keep on going. She's now a therapist, helping others in their journeys to recovery and renewed life. Neuroplasticity. It's a thing.
A good companion book to "The Body Keeps the Score."
A good companion book to "The Body Keeps the Score."
Read
November 5, 2021A deeply personal tale of love, loss and recovery
It's been a long time since I picked up a book and wasn't able to put it down until through. But it happened with this book. I appreciate the interwoven stories of past and present that show how complex, flawed, and persistent we humans can be. I relate a lot more to the author than I'd like to admit. It helps me see the light at the end of my very long challenging tunnel.
It's been a long time since I picked up a book and wasn't able to put it down until through. But it happened with this book. I appreciate the interwoven stories of past and present that show how complex, flawed, and persistent we humans can be. I relate a lot more to the author than I'd like to admit. It helps me see the light at the end of my very long challenging tunnel.
February 13, 2022
This book has been so disappointing. I had high hopes of a beautiful story of recovery, physically and mentally and coming to terms with disability but instead this was a book that was ableist and spiritual in a negative way, making out we can overcome things we want to if we try and believe hard enough and this. Just. Isn’t. True.
June 20, 2022
flying on the inside Out…
Im not sure if my review would be as positive had I not had the authors audible companion especially due to her Irish word references/linguistics etc from my reading in ‘American English.’
Also, hearing the authors voice just adds much to her journey.
Whatever the case, i throughly enjoyed this book! There are so many smaller pieces into larger and global themes.
The book moves around in time from past to ‘present’ and it can be a bit odd or awkward transitions, however, I don’t think any other way would work.
Her life is full of multiple miracles and the resilience we all can harness.
Im so glad that Rachel became a psychotherapist and uses her life experiences to help her clients. Add that to the to this very vulnerable, sensitive and life altering journey. She doesn’t preach or make claims for the case that if she could do it, everyone else should 2! Yet her story is inspiring, painful, and covers a full range of what makes us who we are.
I believe anyone reading her book will relate to various parts of her story in our personal lives.
Despite much trauma, the book isn’t wearing and hope emerges without ignoring the deep pain and suffering. Her beliefs aren’t immediately known, however, once stated without preaching her spirituality, if you are familiar with the tenets of her practice, the greater themes in her pain and transformations embody the unpredictable risks, grief, pain, trauma, insecurities, love, peace, joy, fulfillment and so on
Im a voracious reader and I have multiple complex health issues. It’s relatively rare that I read a book that I can enjoy and relate up on multiple levels. I can’t say enough!!
I hope reading her book is just as interesting without the audible piece.
I think it’s particularly special when a mental health provider allows disclosure of vulnerable traumatic experiences. It’s more risky for some careers which is very true for psychotherapists. While therapists are frequently referred to as ‘wounded healers,’ the public is typically not privy to the details that brought them to this career choice and reputation
Loved it!!
Im not sure if my review would be as positive had I not had the authors audible companion especially due to her Irish word references/linguistics etc from my reading in ‘American English.’
Also, hearing the authors voice just adds much to her journey.
Whatever the case, i throughly enjoyed this book! There are so many smaller pieces into larger and global themes.
The book moves around in time from past to ‘present’ and it can be a bit odd or awkward transitions, however, I don’t think any other way would work.
Her life is full of multiple miracles and the resilience we all can harness.
Im so glad that Rachel became a psychotherapist and uses her life experiences to help her clients. Add that to the to this very vulnerable, sensitive and life altering journey. She doesn’t preach or make claims for the case that if she could do it, everyone else should 2! Yet her story is inspiring, painful, and covers a full range of what makes us who we are.
I believe anyone reading her book will relate to various parts of her story in our personal lives.
Despite much trauma, the book isn’t wearing and hope emerges without ignoring the deep pain and suffering. Her beliefs aren’t immediately known, however, once stated without preaching her spirituality, if you are familiar with the tenets of her practice, the greater themes in her pain and transformations embody the unpredictable risks, grief, pain, trauma, insecurities, love, peace, joy, fulfillment and so on
Im a voracious reader and I have multiple complex health issues. It’s relatively rare that I read a book that I can enjoy and relate up on multiple levels. I can’t say enough!!
I hope reading her book is just as interesting without the audible piece.
I think it’s particularly special when a mental health provider allows disclosure of vulnerable traumatic experiences. It’s more risky for some careers which is very true for psychotherapists. While therapists are frequently referred to as ‘wounded healers,’ the public is typically not privy to the details that brought them to this career choice and reputation
Loved it!!
December 26, 2021
My rating 3.0
Rachel Gotto was born and grew up in Glandore in West Cork, a few short steps from the Atlantic Ocean. An adept boat person from an early age, and most at home on the waves, it was there she developed the tenacious spirit that later proved invaluable when faced with a litany of personal traumas and tragedies. I appreciated the toughness of Rachel's experience and her tenacity with overcoming her challenges. However, I didn't always think the book was well-written. Much is written going back-and-forth in time. For example, recounting memories of her losses then telling stories that are more recent. Sometimes this helped the story to not become overwhelmingly tragic in tone. However, there were times the emotional flow of the book became disrupted by this constant shifting. There were parts of her life that I just didn't relate to, without taking away from her struggle and conquering of challenges. For me, the story was interesting, but not too relatable and writing was just ok.
When her six-year-old daughter found her collapsed on the kitchen floor, Rachel had no idea how much her life was about to change.
A brain scan revealed a dark shadowy mass, a huge abnormal growth of tissue that, whilst benign, was still growing and would surely kill her. It was too big to operate on. It needed to be ‘managed’, and Rachel had, at best, two years to live.
Refusing to accept the bleak prognosis, Rachel was determined to stay alive. She had already lost far too much. She had already watched her brother succumb, at only twenty-eight, to cancer. She had already lost her beloved husband in a terrible scuba diving accident when she was six months pregnant. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She fought for her life.
This gripping and inspiring memoir about overcoming tragedy and trauma charts one tenacious woman’s incredible fight to find light in the darkest of journeys.
Rachel Gotto was born and grew up in Glandore in West Cork, a few short steps from the Atlantic Ocean. An adept boat person from an early age, and most at home on the waves, it was there she developed the tenacious spirit that later proved invaluable when faced with a litany of personal traumas and tragedies. I appreciated the toughness of Rachel's experience and her tenacity with overcoming her challenges. However, I didn't always think the book was well-written. Much is written going back-and-forth in time. For example, recounting memories of her losses then telling stories that are more recent. Sometimes this helped the story to not become overwhelmingly tragic in tone. However, there were times the emotional flow of the book became disrupted by this constant shifting. There were parts of her life that I just didn't relate to, without taking away from her struggle and conquering of challenges. For me, the story was interesting, but not too relatable and writing was just ok.
When her six-year-old daughter found her collapsed on the kitchen floor, Rachel had no idea how much her life was about to change.
A brain scan revealed a dark shadowy mass, a huge abnormal growth of tissue that, whilst benign, was still growing and would surely kill her. It was too big to operate on. It needed to be ‘managed’, and Rachel had, at best, two years to live.
Refusing to accept the bleak prognosis, Rachel was determined to stay alive. She had already lost far too much. She had already watched her brother succumb, at only twenty-eight, to cancer. She had already lost her beloved husband in a terrible scuba diving accident when she was six months pregnant. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She fought for her life.
This gripping and inspiring memoir about overcoming tragedy and trauma charts one tenacious woman’s incredible fight to find light in the darkest of journeys.
July 19, 2023
I like reading stories of people who go through trauma and recover from them, and so I thought I would like this book better than I did. I appreciated everything she went through, but there were big gaps in her story. As someone who has been through a spinal cord injury and still lives with that, I wanted to know a whole lot more of How she managed to get all the things done that she did, especially after she checked herself out of rehab when it was strongly advised that she wasn't ready to go home.
Still, Rachel Gotto went through a lot, more than any one person should. She had a toxic childhood from her father, although this is never explained or elaborated on, and then when her closest brother dies from cancer at 28, she is heartbroken. Soon after her husband dies in a diving accident when she is six months pregnant. Later when her daughter found her collapsed on the kitchen floor, she was given a diagnosis of two years to live since she had a brain tumor. If she were lucky enough to survive the surgery, she may not ever regain anything. Rachel just knows that she has to try because she can't live with the seizures, and if there is even a slight chance, she is going to grab it.
So, you have to admire what this woman went through, but I couldn't connect much with her. I totally understood where she was coming from when she was in therapy, and a little bit about the drug connection (so much about this in the book, more than I needed to read about), isolation, being "different" in society, but then she lost me. It didn't seem that she learned that it was okay to be different. I also felt that with all that she left out, things were missing because you can't go through this much without having a really good support system, more than just your mom.
Still, Rachel Gotto went through a lot, more than any one person should. She had a toxic childhood from her father, although this is never explained or elaborated on, and then when her closest brother dies from cancer at 28, she is heartbroken. Soon after her husband dies in a diving accident when she is six months pregnant. Later when her daughter found her collapsed on the kitchen floor, she was given a diagnosis of two years to live since she had a brain tumor. If she were lucky enough to survive the surgery, she may not ever regain anything. Rachel just knows that she has to try because she can't live with the seizures, and if there is even a slight chance, she is going to grab it.
So, you have to admire what this woman went through, but I couldn't connect much with her. I totally understood where she was coming from when she was in therapy, and a little bit about the drug connection (so much about this in the book, more than I needed to read about), isolation, being "different" in society, but then she lost me. It didn't seem that she learned that it was okay to be different. I also felt that with all that she left out, things were missing because you can't go through this much without having a really good support system, more than just your mom.
February 1, 2022
Rachel went through a very difficult time for most of her life. Her father was not just strict but almost abusive to his family. She was very close to her brother, Dominic, and was devastated when he was diagnosed with bowel cancer. She helped care for him and looked for treatments as his condition deteriorated. She was inconsolable when he died at age 28. Her husband's death in a tragic diving accident was the next event she had to deal with. She was six months pregnant at the time with their first child.
One day her young daughter found her lying on the floor. She was to find out she had a benign brain tumor that was growing rapidly and the doctors gave her two years to live. She decided she was not going to die and sought another doctor who agreed to operate as long as she was prepared to accept whatever condition she came out of surgery with. The rest of the story is about her recovery from surgery and her eventual recovery from drug dependence left over from the brain surgery.
She is a very determined and persistent person - keeping going when the only reason to do so was survival.
I found the story very difficult in parts as she described her experiences in the withdrawal process. I often had to stop reading and go away from the story for a time to be able to deal with it. But the person she is today came out of great trials and she has triumphed. She is a therapist now and I'm sure her patients find her compassionate in a way many therapists are not who have not had to go through the hell she did.
One day her young daughter found her lying on the floor. She was to find out she had a benign brain tumor that was growing rapidly and the doctors gave her two years to live. She decided she was not going to die and sought another doctor who agreed to operate as long as she was prepared to accept whatever condition she came out of surgery with. The rest of the story is about her recovery from surgery and her eventual recovery from drug dependence left over from the brain surgery.
She is a very determined and persistent person - keeping going when the only reason to do so was survival.
I found the story very difficult in parts as she described her experiences in the withdrawal process. I often had to stop reading and go away from the story for a time to be able to deal with it. But the person she is today came out of great trials and she has triumphed. She is a therapist now and I'm sure her patients find her compassionate in a way many therapists are not who have not had to go through the hell she did.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 27, 2022
Reading the description for the book, it might to some, sound a little bleak for everyday reading, but it was the medical side that appealed to me as I’m fascinated by anything medical.
And it is indeed a fascinating story, not least because of the sheer tenacity this lady has. I think after reading this memoir most of us would be in absolute awe of how very brave the author is. She never gives up on hope, never gives up the fight, she’s come close, but always manages to find something within to keep the faith and to keep going.
The book goes back and forth in time through many of the chapters. Describing the time she tried so hard to help her brother, diagnosed with Bowel cancer and refusing orthodox treatment, she travelled far and wide with him seeking alternative therapies in the hope he could be saved. She describes how she reached the momentous decision to pay privately for an operation to remove the tumour, putting her life at urgent risk in the hope of prolonging it, followed by years of torturous recovery. She then goes on to describe how she spent further years weaning herself off the powerful drugs that had prevented her having dangerous seizures following her surgery.
It’s an amazing story which fills you with inspiration. Any one of these traumatic events in a person’s life would be enough for most of us to deal with, but to go through so many traumatic events and come out the other side with a whole new outlook on life is to be celebrated. I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir, a wonderful story of hope and the strongest determination, I can highly recommend it.
And it is indeed a fascinating story, not least because of the sheer tenacity this lady has. I think after reading this memoir most of us would be in absolute awe of how very brave the author is. She never gives up on hope, never gives up the fight, she’s come close, but always manages to find something within to keep the faith and to keep going.
The book goes back and forth in time through many of the chapters. Describing the time she tried so hard to help her brother, diagnosed with Bowel cancer and refusing orthodox treatment, she travelled far and wide with him seeking alternative therapies in the hope he could be saved. She describes how she reached the momentous decision to pay privately for an operation to remove the tumour, putting her life at urgent risk in the hope of prolonging it, followed by years of torturous recovery. She then goes on to describe how she spent further years weaning herself off the powerful drugs that had prevented her having dangerous seizures following her surgery.
It’s an amazing story which fills you with inspiration. Any one of these traumatic events in a person’s life would be enough for most of us to deal with, but to go through so many traumatic events and come out the other side with a whole new outlook on life is to be celebrated. I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir, a wonderful story of hope and the strongest determination, I can highly recommend it.
November 4, 2021
A eye-0pening look into the world of the suffering of people with medical problems, a look at the medicine we put into our bodies prescribed by doctors and the amazing healing of the human body.
This book is informative on so many levels. Understanding the trauma of people who have debilitating diseases/medical problems, the cures, insight to the healing of the brain, the problems of people addicted to either drugs prescribed or illegal and a deeper appreciation for Yoga and mental awareness.
Many things we cannot relate to but this book opened my eyes to the torture of people withdrawing from drugs and how the mind controls the body and thoughts completely. I am not opposed to drugs necessary after life threatening surgeries, but, in today's society, many drugs are overused and maybe pushed without taking into account that each person is different and reacts differently. Also, the combination of prescribed drugs is looked into in this book.
The section on Yoga I really appreciated as I took Yoga for 4 years and then our instructor left and, because I really function better in group exercise, I slowly left the daily routine. Also the exploration into meditation and seeking outside sources of peace and tranquility.
This book is informative on so many levels. Understanding the trauma of people who have debilitating diseases/medical problems, the cures, insight to the healing of the brain, the problems of people addicted to either drugs prescribed or illegal and a deeper appreciation for Yoga and mental awareness.
Many things we cannot relate to but this book opened my eyes to the torture of people withdrawing from drugs and how the mind controls the body and thoughts completely. I am not opposed to drugs necessary after life threatening surgeries, but, in today's society, many drugs are overused and maybe pushed without taking into account that each person is different and reacts differently. Also, the combination of prescribed drugs is looked into in this book.
The section on Yoga I really appreciated as I took Yoga for 4 years and then our instructor left and, because I really function better in group exercise, I slowly left the daily routine. Also the exploration into meditation and seeking outside sources of peace and tranquility.
February 17, 2022
This is a first person account of the author's journey through several major personal traumas, including, most notably, the discovery of her having a major brain tumor. It appears the tumor and its aftermath would have killed most people, but Ms. Gotto finds a personal strength in her despair to stubbornly fight through to the light on the other side. She is the definition of grit and shows us the determined people don't always look or act like you expect them to. Sometimes people just have the tiniest glimmer of hope, or sometimes no hope at all, but an inability to give up on someone who loves and needs them. The writing is down-to-earth but polished, and the pacing is well done, although I wished at times for a more chronological storyline so I would know all the personal history in its entirety before the tumor. She explains neuro/physical problems that most of us will never have or feel, but without it turning gratuitously awful. I also really wondered about the funding for her medical and massive support network (yoga, therapy, acupuncture and more) and wish she would have addressed that, as it seems unattainable for most. A very solid 4.5 stars and best wishes to the author!
September 5, 2022
Rachel Gotto has undergone intense trauma in her life. An isolated childhood and abusive father. Numerous relationships with single and married men. An abortion. The premature death of her close brother. The death of her new husband when she was six months pregnant. A massive brain tumor, intense surgery and long recovery. An addiction to prescription medications. But she fought her way back to health thanks to a supportive community, internal resilience and dogged determination. Plus, unlimited financial resources allowed her to pursue treatments that would be unavailable to common folks.
This book could be interesting to folks on a similar journey. And that's why she wrote it. Through the stories of others, we can be encouraged and gain tools that help us persevere.
I found the non-linear telling to be confusing and disjointed. Just as I became emotionally invested in one aspect of the story, the book changed gears and started on a new topic. I felt like I had whiplash as I read, which affects my rating of the book.
I also never connected to Rachel. Her upbringing, financial status and situation is not similar to mine. But I did appreciate her perspective about healing. Indeed, compassionate witnesses, spiritual practices and physical movements can prompt healing.
This book could be interesting to folks on a similar journey. And that's why she wrote it. Through the stories of others, we can be encouraged and gain tools that help us persevere.
I found the non-linear telling to be confusing and disjointed. Just as I became emotionally invested in one aspect of the story, the book changed gears and started on a new topic. I felt like I had whiplash as I read, which affects my rating of the book.
I also never connected to Rachel. Her upbringing, financial status and situation is not similar to mine. But I did appreciate her perspective about healing. Indeed, compassionate witnesses, spiritual practices and physical movements can prompt healing.
December 21, 2021
A testament of human endurance
I have read books on personal human challenges before, but very often, when the writer goes on to blame everyone around them for their shortcomings, I put it down without finishing. I don't like self I pity (I believe it handicaps a person), soap operas and extreme drama.
This book, is very well written, the preface was enough to keep me reading. Rachel manages to describe her very, very challenging life situations in such a factual manner without dwelling in her misfortunes. The retrospection is geared towards her journey into finding solutions to her situations. The fact that she made the determination to change her life, while under the influence of Benzodiazepines, is in itself remarkable. Her perseverance in the face of setbacks is inspirational. Her life is a beacon for anyone facing life challenges. Inspiring, resourceful, encouraging. She turned a circumstance that would brake anyone into a path to possibilities. Human endurance and inner resourcefullness are astonishing. I am very happy she found herself. Spirituality created an added dimension as she so well discerned while attending school. Well done Rachel
I have read books on personal human challenges before, but very often, when the writer goes on to blame everyone around them for their shortcomings, I put it down without finishing. I don't like self I pity (I believe it handicaps a person), soap operas and extreme drama.
This book, is very well written, the preface was enough to keep me reading. Rachel manages to describe her very, very challenging life situations in such a factual manner without dwelling in her misfortunes. The retrospection is geared towards her journey into finding solutions to her situations. The fact that she made the determination to change her life, while under the influence of Benzodiazepines, is in itself remarkable. Her perseverance in the face of setbacks is inspirational. Her life is a beacon for anyone facing life challenges. Inspiring, resourceful, encouraging. She turned a circumstance that would brake anyone into a path to possibilities. Human endurance and inner resourcefullness are astonishing. I am very happy she found herself. Spirituality created an added dimension as she so well discerned while attending school. Well done Rachel
October 31, 2022
This book deserves 5 stars not because the author is an amazing writer(she clearly comes off as a first time writer, and there is room for improvement as far as the writing goes), but because of the incredible human being that she is and the story that she has to tell. Of late, I've been pondering over how much trauma one individual or family can go through before it completely breaks them. About how it isolates them from the rest of the world and makes life even more difficult. About how impossible it seems to have any semblance of normalcy in life after these incidents. This memoir was the answer to all my questions. Rachael has had enough trauma to last multiple lifetimes-seeing her brother die to cancer in her twenties, losing her husband while she is pregnant-before she discovers that she herself has a major and possibly terminal illness. But the resilience and the indomitable spirit that she displays through a decade long struggle is really admirable and inspiring. This book is not an easy read, but for all its darkness, it has a strong life affirming message. Widely recommend for anyone struggling with grief, illness and trauma.
November 19, 2024
I’m incredibly impressed with what this author has gone through and I think she will be relatable to those facing brain trauma.
I struggled to understand what was taking place because the story jumped from date to date so it was never concise. As much as she said Nic was her soul mate we never got that story. It was overshadowed by Dominic’s story. That was tough to read the because he wasn’t nice to her. I also would have liked to hear more about Nicola, her reason to keep fighting. But Nicola was so absent from the story that it felt like she wasn’t around at all. I couldn’t even picture the author as a mother.
Another issue I had was how casually she mentioned getting an abortion and then just kept writing like it was nothing. This might not be issue for some but it will be for others.
Towards the end of the book she changes the writing format adding in dreams, which are actual events that happened in the past about Nic. She also added in journal entries that just added more words instead of clarity.
It’s shocking that this much trauma can happen to one person but apparently it did and, again, I find that impressive how she powered through.
I struggled to understand what was taking place because the story jumped from date to date so it was never concise. As much as she said Nic was her soul mate we never got that story. It was overshadowed by Dominic’s story. That was tough to read the because he wasn’t nice to her. I also would have liked to hear more about Nicola, her reason to keep fighting. But Nicola was so absent from the story that it felt like she wasn’t around at all. I couldn’t even picture the author as a mother.
Another issue I had was how casually she mentioned getting an abortion and then just kept writing like it was nothing. This might not be issue for some but it will be for others.
Towards the end of the book she changes the writing format adding in dreams, which are actual events that happened in the past about Nic. She also added in journal entries that just added more words instead of clarity.
It’s shocking that this much trauma can happen to one person but apparently it did and, again, I find that impressive how she powered through.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 27, 2021
Beautiful Story!
I loved this book! I haven’t gotten a book in a while where I read it entirely. For some reason I start a book and once I’m 3/4 in, I stop. Not this one. In fact, I would read it anytime I had time, whether it was five minutes or an hour (I’m a slow reader). The author really brings us into her world in all the events that happened in her life; I could see it all happening. One thing I wish had been more clear is what happened to her daughter in the times she was in the hospital, did she get to see her daughter at any point during that time? What about during her withdrawal, where was her daughter?
That’s just the curious in me. Other than that, I am so glad I came across this book. Emotionally speaking, it’s so very much relatable. It definitely gave me hope and a sense of belonging to this world; that we all go through a roller coaster ride: that is life! I also felt a deeper understanding of other people’s life - especially those with disabilities and how people see each other.
I loved this book! I haven’t gotten a book in a while where I read it entirely. For some reason I start a book and once I’m 3/4 in, I stop. Not this one. In fact, I would read it anytime I had time, whether it was five minutes or an hour (I’m a slow reader). The author really brings us into her world in all the events that happened in her life; I could see it all happening. One thing I wish had been more clear is what happened to her daughter in the times she was in the hospital, did she get to see her daughter at any point during that time? What about during her withdrawal, where was her daughter?
That’s just the curious in me. Other than that, I am so glad I came across this book. Emotionally speaking, it’s so very much relatable. It definitely gave me hope and a sense of belonging to this world; that we all go through a roller coaster ride: that is life! I also felt a deeper understanding of other people’s life - especially those with disabilities and how people see each other.
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