All Mixed Up

by Jason Om

Some secrets should never be kept -- a candid and heartfelt memoir about authenticity, difference, resilience, hope and love by an exciting new Australian voiceMy family may have been all mixed up, but I discovered a love and a resilience that ran deeper than any of us could have imagined.'A heart-felt and touching memoir about love, resilience and survival' - Leigh Sales'Spellbinding ... written with a journalist's unflinching precision' - Alice Pung'Complex, nuanced, intimate yet epic' - Marc Fennell'Full of twists and turns but, in the end, bucketloads of love' - Lisa MillarWhen Jason Om was just twelve, he witnessed his mother die of a heart attack. No one else was home and he blamed himself for her death. So begins this unflinching memoir about coming of age in a 'mixed-up' Melbourne family. There was Jason's perfectionist Buddhist Cambodian father, his Catholic Eurasian mother, who seemed stricken by an inexplicable sadness, his Muslim Malaysian half-sister, his domineering grandmother, and various cousins, aunts and uncles on both sides. Everyone seemed to harbour secrets, including Jason, but when he came out as gay, his openness was met with reticence. It wasn't until the twentieth anniversary of his mother's death that he found the courage to uncover the truth about his family's past and the cause of his mother's sorrow, and was able at last to feel pride in his 'mixed-up' identity. Candid and heartfelt, All Mixed Up is a compelling true story about trauma, identity and acceptance. It's also an uplifting celebration of authenticity, difference, resilience, hope and love by an exciting new Australian voice.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Australia, Queer, Audiobook, LGBT, Biography

336 pages, Paperback

Published March 30, 2022

About the author

Jason is a Walkley-winning reporter with the ABC's 7.30 program. Previously, he's been a presenter on the ABC News Channel and a reporter for ABC News Breakfast, ABC Life, Lateline and ABC Radio.

In 2017, he won widespread praise for his personal story about his dad's sixteen-year struggle to accept him as gay. The article and TV piece ran Australia-wide, attracting a million views. Viewers were moved to tears, and the story earned Jason a nomination in the 2018 NSW (LGBTI) Honour Awards.

All Mixed Up is his first book.

Reviews

[Cathy]

I listened to this, and the author read it, but somehow even when talking about highly emotional topics from his life it felt a little flat, or perhaps distant is a better descriptor.

Jason Om refers to his 'journalistic armour' several times in his 'investigation' of his mother's life and his family history, and it's almost as if he has reported on his life and you're listening to a news bulletin of a group of people slightly removed from you. He has a fascinating story, and in general writes well. I wonder if I would have enjoyed it more in paper format, or if it would still have felt like I was reading the reported version and being kept at arms length from the person? It was still an interesting insight into lives completely different to my own, and I think Jason Om wrote openly and bravely, it was just the style that didn’t always connect with me personally.

The part I liked best was an epilogue where he writes a letter to his mother (who you find out died when he was 12 early in the book). Here he abandons his journalistic reporting and you feel more like you are invited in to hear his voice and understand his life from a more personal perspective.

[Deb Chapman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yes, an interesting story which should have touched me more than it did. I think it needed a better edit. A bit dispassionate and despite it all didn’t really feel like I got to know him. But I guess he’s more like his dad than he thought, and perhaps the journalist in him. Good to have these stories told and given air that are so different from the ‘mainstream’. I just wanted to like it more than I did. But wish it well

[Rania T · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do you ever get the feeling that in some autobiographies that names and identifying details haven't been changed? I got this feeling when reading Jason Om's memoir about his life growing up in the Melbourne Suburb of Oakleigh and then gasping when I realised I personally knew his friends and relatives as they were described in so much deep detail, all he left out were their addresses. The dots were quite easy to connect as well. But it is interesting to see that the Greek majority community in the suburb did have an impact on his psyche, as did Chadstone shopping centre, Hungry Jacks on Dandenong Road and everything else in between (remember when Salesian and Sacred Heart Uniforms were green and red but now universally blue?)

But in saying all this, it is a story about him trying to uncover his past and why his mother behaved differently to other mums, why he had an older half sister that was Muslim and a father who became distant after his wife's death. Moreover, it is a memoir about shame. the stigma of mental illness within immigrant communities, racial bullying ("kinezo"), acceptance of sexuality, intergenerational trauma, surviving violence and how it shapes people and the legacy that it leaves behind.

[Louise · Rating 3 out of 5]

A brave, poignant and beautifully written memoir by ABC journalist Jason Om.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful.
A lot of soul searching truth telling
Positive and forward thinking.
The words of the Epilogue really ties it together and sure stirred this reader emotions.
Thank you Jason Om for sharing so generously

[Kanako Okiron · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a biracial Asian-Australian, I found it very thrilling to read Jason Om’s memoir, All Mixed Up, after discovering an extract of it in the Good Weekend. I’d never heard of Jason Om prior to reading this book, so I’m glad I read it (I know less journos than you think).
It wasn’t the most transformative book that I’ve ever read maybe because I don’t know Om from previous experience like watching him on telly but I always enjoy reading memoirs and looking at old photos of anyone with no relevance to me so a nice read on a Sunday afternoon.

[Ika Willis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh, I was so disappointed by this one! I read it because it was about a journalist researching his own origins, and it told the story of his research and what an emotional journey that was for him. This is a story that really resonates for me - after my dad's death, I found out he'd been married twice before he married my mum and I had two half-brothers I'd never previously known about. It took a full year before I could get in touch with one of the half-brothers, because each step on the road to finding him was so intense and took so much processing before I could get up again and take the next step.

Anyway, this was not the book for me, unfortunately. I think Jason Om's journalistic style just doesn't work for me: although he does talk about his feelings and the multiple complexities of his life story, it comes across as a bit flat and over-processed for me. Each sentence feels a bit like a report (which makes sense, he's a reporter) - like he's objectively and factually summing up a complex subjective experience (my father said ---- and it made me feel ---- because it meant my mother had ----), rather than evoking that experience so that it finds an answering affect or resonance in the reader. This reader, anyway.

[Al · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel very indifferent about this memoir. The first half of the book read to me like a recount and could've been condensed. I was hoping the author would sit with and flesh out his emotions a lot more; when there were moments of reflection on his identity, family and grief, they were often brief and felt rushed. Something I will take away from it is its useful insights into another person's journey of uncovering and documenting family secrets. Overall I feel pretty uninspired about this book.

[Geoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thoroughly engaging autobiography dealing with identity in a multi-cultural, multi-faith, multi-generational community. Honest, sometimes raw and heartfelt.

[Mary Berry · Rating 4 out of 5]

This books describes Jason Om's family history, youth and delves into many social, cultural and political issues around religion, race, sexuality and most of all mental health. All of these themes are handled with tact and as they are intertwined with Jason's life story show how much of a hold they have on all of us. While we don't all have profound trauma that leads us to investigate origins of mental health problems, the book does well (in the end) to paint a picture of loving parents who both are loving but scarred by mental health problems, as is their growing son. My mum and grandma have longstanding depression and I especially related to Jason's constant checking in with himself to check how his mental health is tracking. We are so over conscious of it all. 😥

Lost 1 star for the pacing. I kind of understand why it is largely told in chronological order but not sure that was the best choice especially as flashbacks interrupt the timeline anyways. This was especially the case in the later chapters (after returning from the last Malaysia trip to learn about his mother). Not sure it would have worked better in thematic chapters.

I had to put the book away after reading the prologue which describes how 12yo Jason Om found his mother dying from a heart attack.
I appreciate the more generic warning and Australian helplines at the beginnings but this book should definitely have come with some more detailed trigger warnings.

I don't like to rate autobiography, I don't want to rate someone's trauma or how they have dealt with it.

Engaging and insightful account of dismantling Otherness to inclusion.

[Libby · Rating 4 out of 5]

A moving story that explores cultural identity (what it was like for Om growing up as someone who is mixed race, especially in 1980s Australia), sexual identity and shame, and how keeping secrets can affect children and rupture families. Om shares honestly and openly about the relationships he has with his half-sister and his father, and how both of these complex relationships have evolved over time. Om painfully recalls his experience as a 12-year-old of finding his mother collapsed shortly before her death, and explores how cultural norms around grieving affected him and his family, in particular his father, and how this shaped Om's adolescence. Om described feeling unable to process what happened until many years later. Om uses his journalistic skills to try to uncover more about what his mum was like and why there was so much stigma and shame around her and the condition she experienced. What he finds is confronting but also powerful in helping him and his half-sister understand more about their past and for Om to challenge some of the beliefs he mistakenly held in the face of uncertainty and conflicting information.

[Eva · Rating 5 out of 5]

A memoir that delves deeply into themes of loss, grief, acceptance, trauma, and love. What sets this memoir apart is its focus on healing using a journalistic/investigative approach. While the narrative is undeniably heart-wrenching, it is also filled with moments of gratitude.

I highly recommend complementing the reading of this memoir with the short documentary available on ABCiView titled “Searching for Patsy’. This documentary provides a visual and emotional extension of the themes explored in the book, offering a deeper understanding of the author's experiences and the impact of their story. Watching it brings a new dimension to the memoir, making the entire experience even more enriching.

[Mia Oanh · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written and heart felt memoir exploring themes including belonging, mental health and family relations. Jason's writings really resonated with me as a second generation Australian from an Asian background. I could relate to some of his experiences growing up in the suburbs in Australia being one of the very few Asian families who lived there. This book made me reflect on the resiliency of my own family who moved to Australia to escape a war torn country. Was not familiar with Jason Om as a journalist prior to reading this book but very glad to have given this one a go. Jason, thank you for being courageous and sharing the story of you and your family with us.

[Lyn Quilty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first listened to Jason Om interviewed on Conversations while on a long road trip from Cape Arid to Perth. I was mesmerised by his story and the joy and energy in his voice despite so much sadness in his life. As soon as I could I found this book to read and it was an honest and revealing story of his family’s life. Heart breaking at times, funny, an insight into the lives of Asian migrants in Australia, the difficulties of growing up gay and the need for recognition and acceptance, but mostly a story of great love for his mother . A story that will make the reader more accepting and compassionate towards others. Highly recommended.

[Cathal Reynolds · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was vaguely on my TBR but honestly the main reason I actually picked it up is because the author emailed work about selling books. It was good but there was so much going on simultaneously (as happens with life) that it felt disjointed and the threads were hard to keep track of. It was interesting and intense but I feel like it would’ve done better as a collection of shorter but connected pieces rather than a long single memoir. Rep: Gay Malaysian-Cambodian-Australian author
TW/CWs: Medical detail, death of parent, homophobia, racism, mental illness, mention of OD, SI, DV, Islamophobia, genocide

[emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

it feels a little bit funny to rate a memoir which touches on so many traumatic and incredibly personal experiences, but i think four stars feels fitting for this one for me. it was definitely a lot to get through, and the audiobook narration took a little bit of getting used to, but i found by the end i was truly engrossed in this memoir and felt i had a sense of each of the people depicted. it is definitely incredibly journalistic in its style, but i guess that’s to be expected given the authors background. all in all, a great audiobook which i’m glad to have borrowed impulsively!

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very well written memoir, by a journalist who applies his research skills in unravelling the mysteries of his mixed up family. Towards the end many questions are answered, with an emotional reckoning. His mother’s erratic behaviour is slowly understood and any resentment is let go. As a daughter who grew up shrouded in a mother’s grief from losing a child, I found Jason’s story very cathartic as it made me think of my own mother and the sadness she must’ve been going through, I was just too young at the time to fully understand.

[Emily Fletcher · Rating 3 out of 5]

All Mixed Up follows Jason Om through his childhood, with a caring but erratic mother who he sees die of a heart attack when he's twelve, and then into adulthood as he seeks to understand his family history. I love a generational discovery/trauma/history/mystery narrative, and Jason's story, though saddening at times, is a real testament to strength and love. The tone is quite journalistic and procedural - I loved the final section, a letter from Jason to his mother, which felt a lot more personal - but the story itself is still very moving and emotional.

[Denise Newton · Rating 4 out of 5]

https://denisenewtonwrites.com/?p=3514

All Mixed Up is a beautiful tribute to Jason’s family, his own struggles with acceptance and understanding, and the measure of humanity. I highly recommend to anyone interested in people!

Jason Om
All Mixed Up

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would love to give Jason the boy, Jason the teenager and Jason the man a big hug. Thank you for sharing this emotional and personal story. Your mum would be proud and I am sure your dad is. We all do the best we can at the time and we aren’t always lucky enough to come to this realisation as you have been able to do.

[Betty Macdonald Saudemont · Rating 3 out of 5]

It wasn’t the most transformative book that I’ve ever read but still an interesting memoir. ⁣
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I felt truly sad for how bad his mother’s mental health issues were dealt with. It makes me so glad to be living in a 1st world country in the 21st century where mental illnesses are treated properly. ⁣
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I would love to give young Jason a big hug. A brave book to write for adult Jason. Bravo!⁣

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audiobook. Memoir. Quite upsetting but a story that needs to be told. The prejudices faced by a gay and Asian person. However this is mainly the story of Om’s mother, suffering enormously after her child was taken away by the child’s controlling father.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

good book with mystery and interesting and i had a lil cry in the last section

wasn't what i was expecting from the memoir - digging into his mum's history was cool but dragged on at parts and wasn't what I was expecting

[Jill Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this book and the authors voice was not the best choice for the audio version and influenced my impression of the story.

[Sheree · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heartbreakingly beautiful read. Loved it

[Piper · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this book certainly covered very important issues I struggled to fully engage. Was super fun to hear about the area I live in though!

[Farrells Bookshop · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read by Suzie

[Tonya Mitchell · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautifully stitched memoir of fact and feelings as they interact and counteract. An endearing tale for all
oddballs out there in all their sameness.

[Hung · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was going to give this 4 stars. Jason's story was interesting but mostly self absorbed. The real power of the book was in the raw reveals in the later part of Jason's parents' secret history.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great, sad, uplifting story. To have traversed multicultural Australia at such a young age. Understanding loss and who you are…. Jason you are amazing