Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life

by Lauren Mackler

Many people spend years waiting for an ideal partner--a"soul mate" to make them feel happy and complete. Others settle for unfulfilling relationships out of a deep-seated fear of being alone. In Solemate, Lauren Mackler provides a groundbreaking road map for achieving mastery of your own life so you can experience a sense of wholeness and well-being whether you're on your own or in a relationship. It's about becoming the person you were meant to be, treating yourself well, and shedding the old beliefs and behaviors that limit your ability to realize your greatest potential. It's about becoming your own cherished solemate.Drawing from her own experiences; those of her clients; and the fields of psychology, physiology, sociology, holistic healing, and strategic business practices, Mackler has developed a unique program for reclaiming your innate wholeness. This gradual, step-by-step process involves understanding where your self-defeating patterns come from and how to move beyond them. She helps you uncover and retrieve your authentic self- who you really are beneath the layers of life conditioning. This program will help you live in a more conscious and deliberate way and align your actions with the results you want in your life.A renowned coach, workshop facilitator, and keynote speaker, Mackler guides you through a process that, until now, has only been available through her coaching programs and Mastering the Art of Aloneness workshops. Through quizzes, exercises, and guided journaling, she helps • Identify the limiting beliefs, fears, and behaviors that keep you from feeling whole and happy• Learn to override these habitual patterns and manage your fears• Uncover your authentic self• Create a life vision and action plan to help you achieve any goal you set for yourself, and• Build inner and outer support systems that help you bring your vision to lifeSolemate is about mastering the art of aloneness. But it's not about being alone. It's a book for people who want to enhance the quality of their lives by improving their relationships with themselves and with others. Solemate gives you the tools you need to develop the self-awareness, life skills, and emotional intelligence to live a full, happy, successful, and financially secure life-with or without a partner.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Mental Health, Spirituality

384 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Bestselling author Lauren Mackler is a renowned coach, keynote speaker, and host of the weekly Life Keys radio show on www.hayhouseradio.com. Over the past 25 years, she has been a psychotherapist, workshop facilitator, corporate consultant, and a leading authority in the areas of personal transformation, relationships, and professional performance. She is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, and a fellow author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield, Stephen Covey, and Ken Blanchard. You can visit Lauren’s website at www.laurenmackler.com.

Reviews

[Yuy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The entire book's point of view is the understanding that human beings are whole beings of themselves and that their interactions and relationships with others should enhance that. The book also eliminates the stigma that singledom is a problem to be fixed and uses guided exercises for helping the reader obtain personal happiness without the need of "another half".

I've read lots of self-help books, but this one isn't like most. The focus here isn't obtaining some value of success or happiness [usually the author's (or some western society's) definition of these things] or of attracting ideal partners. These goals are superficial and does not change the core being. The focus of this book is solely (pun!) on creating a healthy minded individual who is self-sufficient and achieving their own goals. It uses exercises to analyse the individuals past, to help the individual visualize qualities they wish to have, to identify the limiting barriers to obtain those qualities and to set goals and objectives to overcome them. The exercises and guides are well thought out and easy to follow and the ideas presented were not prescriptive as some other books I have read, but open guides.

I especially value this book for its points on living comfortably on one's own and erasing the stigma that singledom is a problem to be fixed. We, as a society, have become so obsessed with coupling that it nearly drives out lives. We view someone being single as someone to hook up, as a problem to be fixed. And if they say they are happy being single (which is rare, because we have brain washed most people into feeling inadequate and incomplete without a partner), we just shake our heads as if these people are in denial. I personally think that loving oneself and being able to be happy being alone is the first and most important step to building successful relationships (if you so chose to). Only this way can you build relationships that are not co-dependent.

[Melody · Rating 3 out of 5]

A basic self-help guide with less of a focus on choosing to live without a partner than I would have liked. The slant seemed to be, "Learn to live with yourself so you'll be ready to share your life with someone else" and while that's great, I was hoping for more strategies for solitary living when you're not looking to find someone.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book. As I read, I found myself telling everyone to read this. I'd put off reading it because I thought it was just about being alone, but it is so much deeper than that. This book is about healing. I'd always known of the effect my childhood had on my relationships, but I'd never considered the effect it had on the jobs I've had and so much more. Lauren Mackler gets to the heart of the things that keep many of us stuck reliving times gone by, recreating painful events in our present. This book is effective in pointing out where we are stuck and how to move beyond that. I see this book being a reference for life. Get it.

[Caelynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book a wonderful compliment to the already evolving life journey that I have began. Some pieces buried within the book may seem like common sense, but I often found that having a gentle reminder of the basics in life was beneficial. I believe this book is intended for a single person, but I read it while in a relationship and still found it to be empowering. I strongly recommend this for anyone to read, regardless of their sex or relationship status.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good principles to follow - need to set a vision for your life and then set goals to achieve the vision. Be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Valuable advice - harder to live...

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actually read this book several months ago and loved it. One of the few books I add to my shelf after reading it. It's a self-help book teaching the art of making yourself your own Solemate, "Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life". Rereading it again.

[Kd · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have had a major life changing event this book is a must have...especially for the single mother.

[Kymberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a wonderful read. It opened my eyes in a way that was seamless and enlightening without being pushy. Though some examples were tough to relate to, I do still feel like there is enough thought provoking content to change a little of even the most cynical thought processes. Add it to your self-help shelf for sure!

[Larkdesigns13 Assid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving forward...

While many of these concepts I have known for years, having them re-explained in a concise manner with the added exercises in a season of significant personal change has been a true strengthening agent in my move forward. Thank you.

[Merris Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book

This book has been monumental after my recent breakup. I recommend it to anyone who is recently single or just wants to know themselves better!

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is not really what I was expecting, but there was some good information here nonetheless.

[Cordelia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Much of this book highlights and pulls from other things I've already read, but I can't really blame the author for this! I think it's just an indication that I'm on the right path, and that the ideas espoused here align with my spiritual and philosophical outlook at the moment. I will make a point of doing the exercises she recommends, as I do think that some of them are quite valuable. I had a few insights that I hadn't previously had. Glad I read it, and will refer back to it frequently.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

http://frugalplus.com/?p=8047

[Zjourney · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank goodness! I thought I would *never* finish this book! WAY too much journaling for me. I did get some good things - but it was a long, hard time getting to them.

[Ally · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok read. I'd given this book 3.5 stars.