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When I Close My Eyes
For so many years it haunted. And in the end, all it took was a decision. One decision.
Lilith is a successful Hollywood screenwriter and life in LA could not be more different from the small Buckinghamshire village where she grew up. But everything changes when her ex-boyfriend’s child goes missing. Lilith is convinced that she's responsible, and that she might have done something terrible. The disappearance reignites old fears and compulsions and the psychological trauma of her childhood comes rushing back. Lilith is forced to confront the past and watch the foundations of the world she has created to protect herself and her loved ones disintegrate around her.
Lilith is a successful Hollywood screenwriter and life in LA could not be more different from the small Buckinghamshire village where she grew up. But everything changes when her ex-boyfriend’s child goes missing. Lilith is convinced that she's responsible, and that she might have done something terrible. The disappearance reignites old fears and compulsions and the psychological trauma of her childhood comes rushing back. Lilith is forced to confront the past and watch the foundations of the world she has created to protect herself and her loved ones disintegrate around her.
288 pages, Paperback
Published February 1, 2023
2 people are currently reading
65 people want to read
About the author
Jemma Wayne
10 books30 followersBorn to an American musician father, and English mother, Jemma grew up in leafy Hertfordshire and studied Social and Political Sciences at Cambridge University and Broadcast Journalism at the University of Westminster. She began her career as a journalist at The Jewish Chronicle and now works freelance splitting her time between journalism, writing for stage, and prose. Her first play, Negative Space, was staged in 2009 at Hampstead's New End Theatre, receiving critical acclaim.
The idea for After Before was first spawned after attending a SURF charity event organised by her husband, in aid of survivors of the Rwandan genocide. It was there that Jemma heard first-hand some of the lingering effects of the 1994 war.
The idea for After Before was first spawned after attending a SURF charity event organised by her husband, in aid of survivors of the Rwandan genocide. It was there that Jemma heard first-hand some of the lingering effects of the 1994 war.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
July 14, 2022
Suspenseful psychological thriller that kept me reading and had me on edge. A bit of a slow burn but cleverly put together.
June 29, 2022
Lilith is a successful Hollywood screenwriter with a past she can’t seem to escape, especially when her ex-boyfriend turns up on her doorstep. His daughter goes missing which leaves Lilith wondering is she was responsible.
This book was a slow burner but from about 80% on I really enjoyed. The first half makes you wonder what is actually wrong with Lilith but it becomes clear that she has mental health problems which the author has addressed well.
There is a big twist at the end which I greatly received as I really didn’t see it coming which is testament to Wayne’s writing.
Overall I enjoyed it, I just wish it was a bit faster at the beginning of the book.
Thank you to Legend Times for sending me a copy of the book for review.
This book was a slow burner but from about 80% on I really enjoyed. The first half makes you wonder what is actually wrong with Lilith but it becomes clear that she has mental health problems which the author has addressed well.
There is a big twist at the end which I greatly received as I really didn’t see it coming which is testament to Wayne’s writing.
Overall I enjoyed it, I just wish it was a bit faster at the beginning of the book.
Thank you to Legend Times for sending me a copy of the book for review.
February 10, 2026
3.5 ⭐
I picked When I Close My Eyes up through my A Box of Stories subscription, and I’ll be honest — I always go into these books with a bit of scepticism. Not intentionally, but I’ve come across a few off-putting writing styles in the past. Thankfully, this wasn’t one of them.
It did take a few chapters for me to properly get into the swing of things. The writing itself was solid, but it fell into a bit of rambling at the start — something I’ve noticed can happen with smaller authors. I stuck with it though, and as the story progressed I became far more invested in the characters and their complex emotions. One thing that did trip me up was the frequent time jumps. These weren’t always clearly signposted, and at times I found myself confused about which timeline we were in — especially when a jump happened halfway through a chapter (thankfully not often, but enough to throw me off).
One aspect I really appreciated was the OCD representation. While I don’t personally suffer with OCD, a couple of my closest friends do, and the way it was portrayed felt thoughtful and realistic rather than exaggerated or used purely as a plot device. I also thought it was a great creative choice to have certain lines repeated within the character’s internal monologue. Because the story is told in first person, this repetition really helped put us inside the character’s head and added to the authenticity of how those thoughts can loop and spiral.
The book also touches on sleepwalking, and although it’s presented in a more dramatic way than real life, this was something that personally resonated with me. I deal with sleepwalking myself, and it can genuinely take a toll on your mental health. The anxiety and lack of control that comes with it felt very real, and even though it wasn’t a huge focus of the story, it was unexpectedly comforting to feel seen in that way.
The book is definitely a slow burn for around the first three-quarters, but the writing style and character work kept me engaged. I genuinely had no idea where the story was heading, and because of the pacing, I wasn’t expecting a big dramatic climax — which made the ending even more impactful. That plot twist got me good. I was genuinely shocked, and honestly annoyed at myself for missing the subtle hints scattered throughout. As someone who reads a lot of thrillers and mysteries, it takes a lot to surprise me — so that alone says something.
Overall, this sat at a solid 3 stars for most of the book, but the ending and how everything wrapped up pushed it up to a 3.5. Pushing through the slower pacing was worth it, and I’m really glad I stuck with this one.
I picked When I Close My Eyes up through my A Box of Stories subscription, and I’ll be honest — I always go into these books with a bit of scepticism. Not intentionally, but I’ve come across a few off-putting writing styles in the past. Thankfully, this wasn’t one of them.
It did take a few chapters for me to properly get into the swing of things. The writing itself was solid, but it fell into a bit of rambling at the start — something I’ve noticed can happen with smaller authors. I stuck with it though, and as the story progressed I became far more invested in the characters and their complex emotions. One thing that did trip me up was the frequent time jumps. These weren’t always clearly signposted, and at times I found myself confused about which timeline we were in — especially when a jump happened halfway through a chapter (thankfully not often, but enough to throw me off).
One aspect I really appreciated was the OCD representation. While I don’t personally suffer with OCD, a couple of my closest friends do, and the way it was portrayed felt thoughtful and realistic rather than exaggerated or used purely as a plot device. I also thought it was a great creative choice to have certain lines repeated within the character’s internal monologue. Because the story is told in first person, this repetition really helped put us inside the character’s head and added to the authenticity of how those thoughts can loop and spiral.
The book also touches on sleepwalking, and although it’s presented in a more dramatic way than real life, this was something that personally resonated with me. I deal with sleepwalking myself, and it can genuinely take a toll on your mental health. The anxiety and lack of control that comes with it felt very real, and even though it wasn’t a huge focus of the story, it was unexpectedly comforting to feel seen in that way.
The book is definitely a slow burn for around the first three-quarters, but the writing style and character work kept me engaged. I genuinely had no idea where the story was heading, and because of the pacing, I wasn’t expecting a big dramatic climax — which made the ending even more impactful. That plot twist got me good. I was genuinely shocked, and honestly annoyed at myself for missing the subtle hints scattered throughout. As someone who reads a lot of thrillers and mysteries, it takes a lot to surprise me — so that alone says something.
Overall, this sat at a solid 3 stars for most of the book, but the ending and how everything wrapped up pushed it up to a 3.5. Pushing through the slower pacing was worth it, and I’m really glad I stuck with this one.
May 22, 2022
When I Close My Eyes
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Thriller
Format: Kindle eBook
Date Published: 5/3/22
Author: Jemma Wayne
Publisher: Legends Press
Pages: Unknown
Goodreads Rating: 3.50
TW ⚠️: Mental Health
Thank you to NetGalley and Legends Press for providing a digital copy of the book for me to read in exchange for my honest opinion.
Synopsis: Lilith is a successful Hollywood screenwriter and life in LA could not be more different to the small Buckinghamshire village where she grew up. But everything changes when her ex-boyfriend's child goes missing. Lilith is convinced that she's responsible, and that she might/might unwittingly have done something terrible.The disappearance reignites old fears and compulsions and the psychological trauma of her childhood comes rushing back. Lilith is forced to confront the past and watch the foundations of the world she has created to protect herself and her loved ones disintegrate around her.
My Thoughts: The chapters vary in length, some are short, and others are longer. The story is narrated by Lilith, our MC, from her perspective. It started as a slow burn but did heat up and was a page turner. It is hard to review this book without giving to much away. It is a love story in a since, without romance. It is dark and twisty. The author’s writing is creative and impacting. The characters are developed in such a way, that as you go along this journey with Lilith, you are feeling the depth of the character. The twists I did not see coming. This was a very enjoyable book.
⭐️⭐️⭐️
Genre: Thriller
Format: Kindle eBook
Date Published: 5/3/22
Author: Jemma Wayne
Publisher: Legends Press
Pages: Unknown
Goodreads Rating: 3.50
TW ⚠️: Mental Health
Thank you to NetGalley and Legends Press for providing a digital copy of the book for me to read in exchange for my honest opinion.
Synopsis: Lilith is a successful Hollywood screenwriter and life in LA could not be more different to the small Buckinghamshire village where she grew up. But everything changes when her ex-boyfriend's child goes missing. Lilith is convinced that she's responsible, and that she might/might unwittingly have done something terrible.The disappearance reignites old fears and compulsions and the psychological trauma of her childhood comes rushing back. Lilith is forced to confront the past and watch the foundations of the world she has created to protect herself and her loved ones disintegrate around her.
My Thoughts: The chapters vary in length, some are short, and others are longer. The story is narrated by Lilith, our MC, from her perspective. It started as a slow burn but did heat up and was a page turner. It is hard to review this book without giving to much away. It is a love story in a since, without romance. It is dark and twisty. The author’s writing is creative and impacting. The characters are developed in such a way, that as you go along this journey with Lilith, you are feeling the depth of the character. The twists I did not see coming. This was a very enjoyable book.
May 24, 2022
4 Stars from me
This seemingly simple tale had me absolutely hooked from the first few pages.
Lilith is a very interesting character and as I learnt more about her life in LA and little snippets from her childhood, I began to feel a subtle darkness sneaking its way into the story.
Her friendship/love with Cassius is charmingly depicted, her relationship with the Magda is lovely and her obvious love of Dylan and Jessie is heart warming. I take my hat off to Patrick for so patiently accepting the arrival of Lilith's ex into the bosom of their lives.
Without wishing to give anything away, the brooding darkness soon whips itself up as the seemingly idyllic picture takes an unpleasant turn and this book is a must read for all fans of clever psychological suspense thrillers.
My thanks to Jemma Wayne and Legend Times for letting me be a part of this blog tour.
This seemingly simple tale had me absolutely hooked from the first few pages.
Lilith is a very interesting character and as I learnt more about her life in LA and little snippets from her childhood, I began to feel a subtle darkness sneaking its way into the story.
Her friendship/love with Cassius is charmingly depicted, her relationship with the Magda is lovely and her obvious love of Dylan and Jessie is heart warming. I take my hat off to Patrick for so patiently accepting the arrival of Lilith's ex into the bosom of their lives.
Without wishing to give anything away, the brooding darkness soon whips itself up as the seemingly idyllic picture takes an unpleasant turn and this book is a must read for all fans of clever psychological suspense thrillers.
My thanks to Jemma Wayne and Legend Times for letting me be a part of this blog tour.
March 22, 2025
I enjoyed reading this, and wanted to get to the end quickly to find out what happened. I kind of guessed what was going on towards the end but not fully. It's a great story of mental health and how someone close to you can use that against you. Especially when you trust someone you don't expect them to do that they did and over something so small, rather than protecting loved ones.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 20, 2023
A really good one that took a while to get into, but once I got into it, I couldn’t stop. Describes really well how OCD might manifest and what goes through the mind of the person that is experiencing it at the moment.
May 5, 2022
Dark, beautiful, twisty, well observed. Total page turner. I love this.
October 6, 2024
Interesting but could have done with being shorter
June 23, 2025
The 1st 200 pages is give 3 stars but the last 100 were 5+ stars! Slow burn!
June 13, 2022
Lilith left her past behind and is working as a successful Hollywood screenwriter in LA. But when her ex-boyfriend reappears in her life, and his child goes missing, Lilith’s forced to confront her traumatic past.
It is a well-written book, but it was bit confusing in the beginning. It took me a while for me to get into the story. I think it was supposed to keep me guessing, but unfortunately, it just left me confused and frustrated. BUT the story picks up its speed in the second half and it gripped my attention, so I’m glad I kept reading it. It gets twisty, oh yes. And you know I love twisty. I can’t say a lot with a book like this one without spoiling it, but I can say it didn’t disappoint in the end. I’d recommend this for fans of psychological suspense thrillers!
Both books were kindly gifted by @legend_times . Thank you very much!😍
It is a well-written book, but it was bit confusing in the beginning. It took me a while for me to get into the story. I think it was supposed to keep me guessing, but unfortunately, it just left me confused and frustrated. BUT the story picks up its speed in the second half and it gripped my attention, so I’m glad I kept reading it. It gets twisty, oh yes. And you know I love twisty. I can’t say a lot with a book like this one without spoiling it, but I can say it didn’t disappoint in the end. I’d recommend this for fans of psychological suspense thrillers!
Both books were kindly gifted by @legend_times . Thank you very much!😍
May 26, 2022
Review
I really enjoy Jemmas writing style. She has an incredible talent at keeping you guessing.
For me this book was quite a slow burner and took me a while to get to grips with what was happening. The second half of the book is much faster paced than the first half and is incredibly addictive.
I really didn't see the twist at the end happening, it's so very clever and that's what I love with Jemmas writing, her endings really do come out the blue.
⭐⭐⭐⭐
I really enjoy Jemmas writing style. She has an incredible talent at keeping you guessing.
For me this book was quite a slow burner and took me a while to get to grips with what was happening. The second half of the book is much faster paced than the first half and is incredibly addictive.
I really didn't see the twist at the end happening, it's so very clever and that's what I love with Jemmas writing, her endings really do come out the blue.
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews