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I Fear My Pain Interests You
A stylish and raw exploration of bodies, trauma and 1960s cinema
Margot is the child of renowned musicians and the product of a particularly punky upbringing. Burnt-out from the burden of expectation and the bad end of the worst relationship yet, she leaves New York and heads to to the Pacific Northwest. She's seeking to escape both the eyes of the world and the echoing voice of that last bad man. But a chance encounter with a dubious doctor in a graveyard, and the discovery of a dozen old film reels, opens the door to a study of both the peculiarities of her body and the absurdities of her famous family.
At once an analysis of the abandoned 1968 Cannes Film Festival and a literary take on cinema du corp, Stephanie LaCava's new novel is an audaciously sexy and moving exploration of culture and connections, bodies and breakdowns.
Margot is the child of renowned musicians and the product of a particularly punky upbringing. Burnt-out from the burden of expectation and the bad end of the worst relationship yet, she leaves New York and heads to to the Pacific Northwest. She's seeking to escape both the eyes of the world and the echoing voice of that last bad man. But a chance encounter with a dubious doctor in a graveyard, and the discovery of a dozen old film reels, opens the door to a study of both the peculiarities of her body and the absurdities of her famous family.
At once an analysis of the abandoned 1968 Cannes Film Festival and a literary take on cinema du corp, Stephanie LaCava's new novel is an audaciously sexy and moving exploration of culture and connections, bodies and breakdowns.
240 pages, Paperback
First published October 25, 2022
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11666 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 467 reviews
June 20, 2022
ok we all need to move on from the "chic young woman is an emotional wreck" genre.
December 29, 2022
Misleading title, the pain was not interesting in the slightest
June 18, 2022
I really, really tried but just couldn’t connect to Stephanie LaCava’s latest novel. It centres on damaged, young woman Margot. Margot’s the child of equally damaged, but famous, musicians. Margot’s failing as an actress, she screws up her relationships, takes too many drugs and has fucked-up sex with dubious men, all the while reflecting on her troubled, turbulent childhood and attempting to make some sense of her life. There are some excellent stretches of writing here, some impressive imagery, and an array of cultural references that struck a chord - from Chantal Akerman onwards. But the narrative itself just felt tired and a little flat, the trauma staged and stagey, too predictable to make an impact. Maybe I’ve read one too many books about vulnerable young women in crisis lately but this one just didn’t work for me.
Thanks to Edelweiss and publisher Verso Books for an ARC
Thanks to Edelweiss and publisher Verso Books for an ARC
July 11, 2023
Real Rating: 2.5* of five, grudgingly rounded up
The Publisher Says: A punky, raw novel of millenial disaffection, trauma and 1960s cinema
Margot is the child of renowned musicians and the product of a particularly punky upbringing. Burnt-out from the burden of expectation and the bad end of the worst relationship yet, she leaves New York and heads to to the Pacific Northwest. She's seeking to escape both the eyes of the world and the echoing voice of that last bad man. But a chance encounter with a dubious doctor in a graveyard, and the discovery of a dozen old film reels, opens the door to a study of both the peculiarities of her body and the absurdities of her famous family.
A genre-bending, atmospheric and emotionally honest account of a young woman's investigation into her past and the complex reactions of her body.
At once an analysis of the abandoned 1968 Cannes Film Festival and a literary take on cinema du corp, Stephanie LaCava's new novel is an audaciously sexy and moving exploration of culture and connections, bodies and breakdowns.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA EDELWEISS+. THANK YOU.
My Review: ...and now for something marginally different...
Screwed-up child of famous parents is failing at Life because Trauma and she's got these awful habits that substitute for character and her whole head...this is a récit, not really a novel because the whole point is that we don't leave the lady's head and are reminded of it...is stuffed with shards of images and sounds and they all sort of coalesce into an image of...
...I have no way to finish that sentence. I didn't get an image from Margot's chaotic maunderings.
Yet again there are men at the center of her trauma. Men: Don't have relationships with women. It doesn't go anywhere good. You'll end up blamed for something and quite possibly sued.
That's my main take-away from this mishegas. There's no way for me to pluck a piece of the text out for your perusal because they all rely on each other, in a cumulative-effect way, for their power. I will say that, as little as I enjoyed the story I was quite interested in the way the author assembled the shards into an effective mosaic. Brightness, shadows, saturated colors; a vague grey smog of dissociation surrounding it, getting between the bright moments, eclipsing some of them. It's an interesting effect.
But the problem is it's telling me an oft-told tale of poor-little-rich-girl and I'm just not interested. Handed a life of family connections and a modicum of talent? Use 'em or reject 'em, but wallowing along in the gutter next to the highway and under the sidewalk is a choice for people like Margot. So I don't see the point of empathizing with her. "Make a different choice" is the callous, dismissive response Margot elicits from me.
Yet I read the whole book....
The Publisher Says: A punky, raw novel of millenial disaffection, trauma and 1960s cinema
Margot is the child of renowned musicians and the product of a particularly punky upbringing. Burnt-out from the burden of expectation and the bad end of the worst relationship yet, she leaves New York and heads to to the Pacific Northwest. She's seeking to escape both the eyes of the world and the echoing voice of that last bad man. But a chance encounter with a dubious doctor in a graveyard, and the discovery of a dozen old film reels, opens the door to a study of both the peculiarities of her body and the absurdities of her famous family.
A genre-bending, atmospheric and emotionally honest account of a young woman's investigation into her past and the complex reactions of her body.
At once an analysis of the abandoned 1968 Cannes Film Festival and a literary take on cinema du corp, Stephanie LaCava's new novel is an audaciously sexy and moving exploration of culture and connections, bodies and breakdowns.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA EDELWEISS+. THANK YOU.
My Review: ...and now for something marginally different...
Screwed-up child of famous parents is failing at Life because Trauma and she's got these awful habits that substitute for character and her whole head...this is a récit, not really a novel because the whole point is that we don't leave the lady's head and are reminded of it...is stuffed with shards of images and sounds and they all sort of coalesce into an image of...
...I have no way to finish that sentence. I didn't get an image from Margot's chaotic maunderings.
Yet again there are men at the center of her trauma. Men: Don't have relationships with women. It doesn't go anywhere good. You'll end up blamed for something and quite possibly sued.
That's my main take-away from this mishegas. There's no way for me to pluck a piece of the text out for your perusal because they all rely on each other, in a cumulative-effect way, for their power. I will say that, as little as I enjoyed the story I was quite interested in the way the author assembled the shards into an effective mosaic. Brightness, shadows, saturated colors; a vague grey smog of dissociation surrounding it, getting between the bright moments, eclipsing some of them. It's an interesting effect.
But the problem is it's telling me an oft-told tale of poor-little-rich-girl and I'm just not interested. Handed a life of family connections and a modicum of talent? Use 'em or reject 'em, but wallowing along in the gutter next to the highway and under the sidewalk is a choice for people like Margot. So I don't see the point of empathizing with her. "Make a different choice" is the callous, dismissive response Margot elicits from me.
Yet I read the whole book....
November 27, 2022
i love a mentally ill unlikeable female protagonist, like i’ll eat it up every time, so it speaks volumes when i hate a book with exactly that. i was done when she used the word ‘lol’ IN REAL LIFE. TWICE. AND IT WASN’T A JOKE. absolutely not.
December 26, 2022
this book was the biggest let down of the year for me. upon reading the premise, i was so excited to dive into a dark, psychological work about the fetishization of female pain & our fascination with it, told through the eyes of a young girl who was a child actor running away from her past. this book just drops the ball on all of these concepts, in possibly every way imaginable. every part of the plot that could have had some bite to it is entirely glossed over, and what the reader is left with is our main character, margot, telling half-finished stories about her relationship with her parents, grandmother, and best friend, and then bumbling around montana, escaping a toxic relationship that is meant to be the catalyst for all the events and the story behind all her motives, but is only really described to us in one page of writing.
by the time what la cava means for us to understand is the main plot of the novel comes along, it is more than halfway through, and yet almost nothing has happened. we do not really feel like we know margot, an underdeveloped protagonist, and we don’t understand her motivation because, again, we don’t get any of it. what we then get from the rest of the novel is a short recount of her relationship with graves, a former doctor who diagnoses her with an inability to feel physical pain. the plot is left mostly unresolved, almost like the author abandoned it halfway through when it came time to add depth to the relationship and wrote a half-thought resolution so that it would be over, and margot is left seemingly unchanged, though we as readers are meant to think that she is, by how the book ends.
this book had so many good ideas and failed to execute a single one well.
by the time what la cava means for us to understand is the main plot of the novel comes along, it is more than halfway through, and yet almost nothing has happened. we do not really feel like we know margot, an underdeveloped protagonist, and we don’t understand her motivation because, again, we don’t get any of it. what we then get from the rest of the novel is a short recount of her relationship with graves, a former doctor who diagnoses her with an inability to feel physical pain. the plot is left mostly unresolved, almost like the author abandoned it halfway through when it came time to add depth to the relationship and wrote a half-thought resolution so that it would be over, and margot is left seemingly unchanged, though we as readers are meant to think that she is, by how the book ends.
this book had so many good ideas and failed to execute a single one well.
September 15, 2022
i love a woman with rancid vibes. not a read for everyone, but i found it to be an evocative spine tingler.
December 26, 2023
I was very taken by this book. At the beginning the main character Margot is floating around, plagued by intrusive thoughts, pale, stylish, thin, glam, emotionally detached, unable to feel pain. She lives in the overwrought, dense world of New York, a world full of shattered dreams of an acting and dancing career. Older men have used and abused her. Her family are a bunch of rich ghouls. Then she moves to the middle of nowhere in Montana. In her isolation she doesn't heal, but unravels even more and becomes involved with another toxic man. His name is Graves, and she meets him in a graveyard. Their relationship is suitably ghastly and macabre.
I love how this book treats physical space: New York city, train stations, the architectural marvel that is her Bluebeard's Castle in middle-of-nowhere Montana, the way somehow a forbidden room appears stuffed with paraphernalia relating to the canceled 1968 Cannes Film Festival. Here we find old film reels of cinematic marvels such as Carlos Saura's Peppermint Frappé. Margot is a mannequin from a 1960s French new wave film, who sustains herself on only candy and outré thoughts. Will she ever become a real girl? A horrifying sexual encounter with Graves, which turns into something much weirder, may provide the requisite shock.
I love how this book treats physical space: New York city, train stations, the architectural marvel that is her Bluebeard's Castle in middle-of-nowhere Montana, the way somehow a forbidden room appears stuffed with paraphernalia relating to the canceled 1968 Cannes Film Festival. Here we find old film reels of cinematic marvels such as Carlos Saura's Peppermint Frappé. Margot is a mannequin from a 1960s French new wave film, who sustains herself on only candy and outré thoughts. Will she ever become a real girl? A horrifying sexual encounter with Graves, which turns into something much weirder, may provide the requisite shock.
January 9, 2023
there is a moment in this book where the main character describes a whisper as an "ASMR whisper"
September 30, 2022
shortly said: this book is confusing. and not in a good, fun, entertaining way. more of a why am i even reading this way. the main plot literally starts 100 pages in (of 180). the premise would have been an interesting one but it falls incredibly flat. the prose is absolutely beautiful though.
January 24, 2023
I Fear My Pain Interests You is a story of expectation, womanhood and navigating the world as a child of renowned musicians. Playing upon the characteristics of an unhinged and unreliable protagonist, there were many questionable and fascinating scenes! Analyzing the connections of culture and survival, this is one I would absolutely recommend to fans of Ottessa Moshfegh!
Whilst the initial synopsis and the beginning of the book were incredibly gripping, my enjoyment did unfortunately falter as the book went on and I found myself wishing that more was occurring with the plot. With that being said though, it is definitely a book that is far more character driven and was a great study into womanhood, wealth and its consequences.
2.5/5
Whilst the initial synopsis and the beginning of the book were incredibly gripping, my enjoyment did unfortunately falter as the book went on and I found myself wishing that more was occurring with the plot. With that being said though, it is definitely a book that is far more character driven and was a great study into womanhood, wealth and its consequences.
2.5/5
December 12, 2023
I didn't hate this one but I didn't love it either. Lucy, a secondary character, is the only decent person in this entire book everyone else has rancid energy or is a downright creep and there isn't much of a plot. The writing was pleasant enough but I wanted more from it.
October 20, 2023
So much to say about this book. First off, I felt this book on a visceral level. The author’s style of writing was perfect for making me find myself in the character’s words. I also loved the concept of Margot’s CIPA. I think that was beautifully tied in with all the ideas about pain in the book. I loved the writing, but hated the book. I’m honestly so sick of books that make you relate to the characters so deeply and then give the characters literally no joy and no positivity. It’s just not fun to read and leaves me in the worst mood. Someone recommend me a happy book plz.
November 6, 2022
The first thing that captured me about this book was, naturally, the title. Like wow, what a name. The book follows Margot, child of famous punk parents, and struggling actress, who has an inability to feel physical pain.
The timeline jumps around at the beginning; we first meet her on a plane, running away from something, someone, but we’re not sure of the details yet. Then she’s a child, dealing with the instability of her home life and her turbulent family.
I found that the first half of the book felt inaccessible, as though we were given access to some of her rambled thoughts without ever getting a full image. Occasionally the sentances were jarringly choppy, an aesthetic choice I didn’t enjoy. She gets into a toxic relationship-not-relationship, one that felt very weak and brushed over, then flees to remote Montana, where she falls into another troubling (albeit more interesting) relationship.
Once I hit the halfway mark I hardly set the book down. It’s one of those books where everything seems to tie together at the very end. I thought the contrast between mental pain (which she very much can feel) and physical pain was interesting. Some scenes felt some what shallow and rushed, but others delved deep in an interesting contrast. This book has mixed reviews and I can definitely see why, but it’s one of those ones that I liked for inexplainable reasons. It was interesting! I haven’t read anything like it and I doubt I will. It was also a shorter read, 181 pages. Though it left me wanting more, especially when it comes to the details of her actual life, it just makes me think of the title once more: I Fear my Pain Interests You.
3.75/5
Thank you @versobooks for sending me a copy 💘
The timeline jumps around at the beginning; we first meet her on a plane, running away from something, someone, but we’re not sure of the details yet. Then she’s a child, dealing with the instability of her home life and her turbulent family.
I found that the first half of the book felt inaccessible, as though we were given access to some of her rambled thoughts without ever getting a full image. Occasionally the sentances were jarringly choppy, an aesthetic choice I didn’t enjoy. She gets into a toxic relationship-not-relationship, one that felt very weak and brushed over, then flees to remote Montana, where she falls into another troubling (albeit more interesting) relationship.
Once I hit the halfway mark I hardly set the book down. It’s one of those books where everything seems to tie together at the very end. I thought the contrast between mental pain (which she very much can feel) and physical pain was interesting. Some scenes felt some what shallow and rushed, but others delved deep in an interesting contrast. This book has mixed reviews and I can definitely see why, but it’s one of those ones that I liked for inexplainable reasons. It was interesting! I haven’t read anything like it and I doubt I will. It was also a shorter read, 181 pages. Though it left me wanting more, especially when it comes to the details of her actual life, it just makes me think of the title once more: I Fear my Pain Interests You.
3.75/5
Thank you @versobooks for sending me a copy 💘
August 14, 2023
just because you’ve read an otessa moshfegh book does not mean you should attempt to write one.
October 16, 2022
damn. really had its moments that were raw and glittering but the overall arc didn’t land and there’s a glaring plothole eating away at me! for ottessa fans (derogatory)
April 16, 2024
i’m not gracing this with a quippy review it just sucked ass
October 11, 2022
3.5
The writing is good and the story has potential but the protagonist is unlikable and it‘s not the most exciting plot
The writing is good and the story has potential but the protagonist is unlikable and it‘s not the most exciting plot
October 10, 2022
This book is short, 160 pages or so, friendly to those of us with attention spans shortened by social media. Beautiful prose with little vignettes of emotional masochism experienced by a girl born unable to experience physical pain. This book feels just as cold and withholding as the main character, giving little in terms of any kind of satisfying character development, plot, relationships... which, given its length, works.
January 3, 2023
first of the year FLOP…why did she write like she was trying to reach a word count
Read
January 29, 2023DNF @ 50%
Amazing title, but this isn’t the book outlined in the synopsis? Just not what I was expecting & don’t care to continue.
Amazing title, but this isn’t the book outlined in the synopsis? Just not what I was expecting & don’t care to continue.
March 12, 2023
Oh, I ate this up. It felt like a litfic version of a sexploitation horror movie. I like the detached cold tone and feel like it really adds to the dreamy, dissociative atmosphere of being in Margot's mind. Men's exploitation of young celebrity, the objectification and fetishization of women in pain, dehumanization of women,etc etc.
October 10, 2022
Self-conscious and self-absorbed, all at once
October 23, 2023
this is like if the idol was a book (also really bad)
October 7, 2022
Major thanks to Verso Books and Netgalley for the ARC.
In an interview with Lillian Fishman (author of Acts of Service), LaCava describes this book as an exorcism, that it saved her life.
In most cases, an exorcism is a shared experienced. Look at Emily Rose, look at Regan. There are other people in the room. Other histories, other ongoings. Us, as readers, too.
Finished this right before Andrew Dominik's Blonde , and I couldn't have asked for a better pairing.
What does it mean to feel pain? What leads up to it? How is it felt? What happens in the in between moments? After the blood, before the healing, in all the ways a wound reminds you that it is there through aches, living rent-free in undivided attention.
In all the ways we've watched and seen Monroe through technicolor or black and white photos, no pain was present. It wasn't until Dominik's adaptation of Oates' book do we explore the realms of how she really felt, even though, still, no matter how hard we try and try with our limitless imaginations, we will never know. Never.
Fishman said it best: "The space of a novel asks how does a person really feel as opposed to how they should feel?"
And so, strangely enough, we side by Graves, trying to understand why a girl can't feel pain, exorcising our own curiosity and pursuited interests in trying to understand a small formed thing that is a woman through the eyes of a man we don't even know or trust.
Unfortunately, the book doesn't live up to it's elevator pitch: About a woman who doesn't feel pain. Sold by the premise, unfortunately the book only starts in the middle of the book when she meets Graves, the doctor. The first half is mere exposition that doesn't set anything up. Because of its lack of structure and lack of interesting plot points and characters, it doesn't hold up very well. It perhaps needed more time, another draft, or something or other. Though LaCava writes dialogue with sharp ink and creatures caricatures in amusing ways, she has a long way to go when it comes to an actual story.
The book is merely left as an idea.
In an interview with Lillian Fishman (author of Acts of Service), LaCava describes this book as an exorcism, that it saved her life.
In most cases, an exorcism is a shared experienced. Look at Emily Rose, look at Regan. There are other people in the room. Other histories, other ongoings. Us, as readers, too.
Finished this right before Andrew Dominik's Blonde , and I couldn't have asked for a better pairing.
What does it mean to feel pain? What leads up to it? How is it felt? What happens in the in between moments? After the blood, before the healing, in all the ways a wound reminds you that it is there through aches, living rent-free in undivided attention.
In all the ways we've watched and seen Monroe through technicolor or black and white photos, no pain was present. It wasn't until Dominik's adaptation of Oates' book do we explore the realms of how she really felt, even though, still, no matter how hard we try and try with our limitless imaginations, we will never know. Never.
Fishman said it best: "The space of a novel asks how does a person really feel as opposed to how they should feel?"
And so, strangely enough, we side by Graves, trying to understand why a girl can't feel pain, exorcising our own curiosity and pursuited interests in trying to understand a small formed thing that is a woman through the eyes of a man we don't even know or trust.
Unfortunately, the book doesn't live up to it's elevator pitch: About a woman who doesn't feel pain. Sold by the premise, unfortunately the book only starts in the middle of the book when she meets Graves, the doctor. The first half is mere exposition that doesn't set anything up. Because of its lack of structure and lack of interesting plot points and characters, it doesn't hold up very well. It perhaps needed more time, another draft, or something or other. Though LaCava writes dialogue with sharp ink and creatures caricatures in amusing ways, she has a long way to go when it comes to an actual story.
The book is merely left as an idea.
February 17, 2023
i cant believe lots of people don’t like this that was SUCH A VIBE
June 10, 2023
genuinely awful. the "damaged girl" trope at its worst.
some of the descriptions of supposed trauma and damage were so unnecessary and random it didn't feel like the author knew what she was talking about.
honestly, nothing in this book made sense. just read like the author was trying to be edgy and deep with the blood motif and the cow motif (?) but all this just manifested itself as problematic nonsense.
took me 2 months to read.
some of the descriptions of supposed trauma and damage were so unnecessary and random it didn't feel like the author knew what she was talking about.
honestly, nothing in this book made sense. just read like the author was trying to be edgy and deep with the blood motif and the cow motif (?) but all this just manifested itself as problematic nonsense.
took me 2 months to read.
February 7, 2023
A rather depressing read but I expected that. This might actually be what ‘My Year of Rest and Relaxation’ thinks it is… Yes the main character is emotionally stunted and manic but it makes so much sense (plotwise) rather than feeling unnecessary (and a perhaps a little pointless)
April 23, 2025
꒰ 𝟏.𝟕𝟓 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 ꒱
the following review may be potentially spoilery (depending on who u ask) you’re warned! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა
₊˚⊹♡ 𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬
The thing she didn't understand was that it was easier at home when she wasn't around. I wouldn't have to wonder about her state of mind, worry I might say something to upset her, something apparently harmless; she was easily set off.
⤷ damn…
୨୧
"Cool. Do you mind if I smoke."
"Roll me one."
"Lol."
"What?"
"Never mind."
⤷ why… why did she say lol out loud?? and why is it never obvious what year this is taking place
୨୧
He kept inviting me places where there were other people. It was so adolescent, and he was so much older.
Grooming me, as he carried the other thing and waited, claiming neither. He took me to the movies, a gesture he would later say meant nothing. And when he finally wanted out, he would tell me that this was the only time he’d felt comfortable with me.
୨୧
He set it up so that everyone would have to find him. And they did. He went full detachment. I think my mother caused this desire of his to withhold. He gave her more effort than he'd ever given anything, but that didn't make her stay.
୨୧
"I can't believe this. The chances are so small.
"Chances?"
"You have congenital analgesia."
"You're bad at flirting."
⤷ i finally laughed at something in this book
୨୧
My mother would first come in images without sound.
No talking, no music, no noise. Most often, she came as color. Or colors, like on the fabric of bus seats. Then, a crash and breakthrough sound: her voice fighting with someone on the phone. It was always the same rhythm when it was my father. Soft, soft, yell, soft, silence. The tactic was him knowing her, and her conceding in their language. She was bad with emotion.
⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆
₊˚⊹♡ 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬
i really didn’t want to talk about the story or the characters because quite frankly this book had no sustenance to the writing, the plot, the characters, it was impossible to get into and i never did get into it, i just continued reading to see where on earth this was going and it went quite literally NOWHERE.
for some reason my copy had like 180ish pages and it ended on such a weird note that i wouldn’t be surprised if i’m missing pages (got the book second hand) but also wouldn’t be surprised if that was how the author ended it because her writing is needing work. she doesn’t know how to wrap anything up or make a reader interested in the book because the writing itself is so dull. but anyway. remind me to never touch a book like this ever again.
♡
♡
𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 – 𝟐𝟎 𝐚𝐩𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓
𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 – 𝟐𝟑 𝐚𝐩𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓
the following review may be potentially spoilery (depending on who u ask) you’re warned! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა
₊˚⊹♡ 𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬
The thing she didn't understand was that it was easier at home when she wasn't around. I wouldn't have to wonder about her state of mind, worry I might say something to upset her, something apparently harmless; she was easily set off.
⤷ damn…
୨୧
"Cool. Do you mind if I smoke."
"Roll me one."
"Lol."
"What?"
"Never mind."
⤷ why… why did she say lol out loud?? and why is it never obvious what year this is taking place
୨୧
He kept inviting me places where there were other people. It was so adolescent, and he was so much older.
Grooming me, as he carried the other thing and waited, claiming neither. He took me to the movies, a gesture he would later say meant nothing. And when he finally wanted out, he would tell me that this was the only time he’d felt comfortable with me.
୨୧
He set it up so that everyone would have to find him. And they did. He went full detachment. I think my mother caused this desire of his to withhold. He gave her more effort than he'd ever given anything, but that didn't make her stay.
୨୧
"I can't believe this. The chances are so small.
"Chances?"
"You have congenital analgesia."
"You're bad at flirting."
⤷ i finally laughed at something in this book
୨୧
My mother would first come in images without sound.
No talking, no music, no noise. Most often, she came as color. Or colors, like on the fabric of bus seats. Then, a crash and breakthrough sound: her voice fighting with someone on the phone. It was always the same rhythm when it was my father. Soft, soft, yell, soft, silence. The tactic was him knowing her, and her conceding in their language. She was bad with emotion.
⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆
₊˚⊹♡ 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬
i really didn’t want to talk about the story or the characters because quite frankly this book had no sustenance to the writing, the plot, the characters, it was impossible to get into and i never did get into it, i just continued reading to see where on earth this was going and it went quite literally NOWHERE.
for some reason my copy had like 180ish pages and it ended on such a weird note that i wouldn’t be surprised if i’m missing pages (got the book second hand) but also wouldn’t be surprised if that was how the author ended it because her writing is needing work. she doesn’t know how to wrap anything up or make a reader interested in the book because the writing itself is so dull. but anyway. remind me to never touch a book like this ever again.
♡
♡
𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 – 𝟐𝟎 𝐚𝐩𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓
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