Stop People Pleasing: Break Free of Approval Addiction, Stop Always Saying Yes, Set Healthy Boundaries and Rediscover the Authentic Version of Yourself

by Janis Bryans

Are you struggling with your addiction to approval but are afraid of being excluded from your social circles? Would you like to communicate your needs, but feel that you can't and end up putting yourself last? Do you feel stuck in situations in which you say yes, but would really like to say no? Why is that? Why do we think saying ‘no’ is so bad? Why do we have such feelings of guilt? If you have ever spent time with a toddler, you’ll know this inability to say ‘no’ is not a problem we’re born with! We spend our entire childhood hearing such things as ‘do as you’re told’, and ‘be good’. We are conditioned to be agreeable and helpful, to compromise and to avoid conflict. There comes a point however, when accommodating the wants and needs of other people above our own can actually become a form of self-harm. We become our own worst enemy. We end up putting pressure on ourselves; often unnecessary pressure that we could quite easily have avoided if we had just said the simple word ‘No’. But think about it… Are you sick and tired of feeling like a doormat but don’t know where to begin with improving your situation? Do you pride yourself on being kind, giving, loyal, good etc., and yet secretly grapple with reoccurring feelings of blame, shame, resentment, anxiety, frustration, helplessness and more? Do you have boundaries in some areas but really struggle in intimate relationships due to fear of conflict, criticism, rejection, disappointment and abandonment? Do you feel as if you’re good at self-care until you start dating and then your boundaries and everything you learned from previous experiences goes out the window? If you answered ‘yes’ to just one of these questions, then you deserve to make whatever choices you like free from fear or anxiety. In this survival course you will ◆ 6 big problems with people-pleasing. ◆ The people pleaser's anatomy. ◆ The reason that you always say "yes"? ◆ Self-image and building self-confidence. ◆ To face your fears and learn to be yourself. ◆ The art of saying no without feeling guilty. ◆ Assertiveness skills & good boundaries. ◆How to deal with difficult people. ◆ Practical exercises. You will no longer get stuck in old, unhealthy patterns of putting yourself last, feeling resentful about saying yes when you mean no, or being afraid to speak up about your needs. Specifically, you will learn how ★ Say no without making explanations or excuses. ★ Say no when you know you could help, but it isn’t the right thing for you. ★ Say no when someone really wants something you don’t want to do. ★ Say no and worry less about being liked or seeking approval. ★ Say no without getting lost in fear, guilt, or feelings of selfishness. ★ Say no with kindness and compassion. ★ Say yes to time and space for your own priorities. And much more... If you ever feel drained and exhausted, tired from keeping up with expectations and living with the sense of frustration that no one sees your needs and the people in your life just won't change, then no matter where you are now, this survival-course provides the structure, guidance, and support to create powerful, sustainable changes to the way you handle boundaries and cease to be a people pleaser.

Genres: Relationships

136 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 5, 2021

Reviews

[Michelle (driftingsong) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very repetitive and not nearly as useful as her book on boundary setting.

[AlixanderK Rex · Rating 2 out of 5]

Perhaps it’s because I’m fairly well-versed in this subject by now, but the book felt a bit too surface-level for my taste. The writing came across more like a casual blog post written in passing rather than something deeply engaged with its topic. While the information is accurate and potentially useful for beginners, it’s largely the same content found elsewhere.

It’s a standard guide, but nothing groundbreaking. I came close to finishing it, though I ultimately found it difficult to stay engaged. The overall feel reminded me of the “Eat, Pray, Love” style of self-help writing—repetitive, diluted, and lacking the depth I was hoping for.

[Ken Saunders · Rating 2 out of 5]

Here is a thorough explanation of the codependent mindset, but lacking the inspired guidance of the Pia Mellody or Melody Beattie classics. The "exercises" are along the lines of, "When did you recently use people pleasing? list five examples."

The audiobook is read by a robot or someone completely lacking comprehension of the subject. As a result sentences like "infants seek protection from their parents" are transformed from banal to rather surprising.

[Are · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt this was a well written book that was easy to understand the purpose and steps to change oneself to take charge of their own life. One drawback was it seemed a bit repetitive. Certain chapters had similar concepts. Overall it was a very good book.

[Melissa Medley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative with great insight and tips. The body keeps count, and our childhood trauma runs deep. This gives so many aha moments when you figure out this is why I do what I do like a reflex. Great book to help process,grow, and thrive.

[E. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Extremely short and basic (4 hours 15 minutes on audio, shorter if sped up. Very basic. I recommended a newer one at the library but this one was bought for whatever reason.

Still planning on finishing the other book.

[Rania Kamal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it