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Сериозно за несериозните разговори
Как да общуваме с лекота, да се чувстваме комфортно и да очароваме другите?
Непринудените, ежедневни разговори – всичко онова, което се крие зад трудно преводимата английска дума smalltalk (буквално "малки разговори"), като почнем от "Днес времето е хубаво" и стигнем до размяната на любезности - са залегнали в основата на човешкото общуване.
Никое друго комуникационно умение не е така важно както "малките разговори". Винаги е по-добре да се усмихнем и да кажем няколко думи, отколкото да мълчим и да гледаме мрачно.
Защо е толкова трудно да говорим за дреболии?
Непринуденият разговор е лека и елегантна форма на общуване, която изгражда връзка между хората и създава усещане за споделени интереси, доброжелателност и приятелство.
Непринудените, ежедневни разговори – всичко онова, което се крие зад трудно преводимата английска дума smalltalk (буквално "малки разговори"), като почнем от "Днес времето е хубаво" и стигнем до размяната на любезности - са залегнали в основата на човешкото общуване.
Никое друго комуникационно умение не е така важно както "малките разговори". Винаги е по-добре да се усмихнем и да кажем няколко думи, отколкото да мълчим и да гледаме мрачно.
Защо е толкова трудно да говорим за дреболии?
Непринуденият разговор е лека и елегантна форма на общуване, която изгражда връзка между хората и създава усещане за споделени интереси, доброжелателност и приятелство.
256 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2021
119 people are currently reading
438 people want to read
About the author
Carol A. Fleming
9 books11 followersDr. Fleming is a Personal Communication Coach and the Founder of The Sound of Your Voice. She specializes in vocal development and communication training and is dedicated to helping men and women increase their Communication Skills by refining their voice, words, and demeanor.
Her book "It's the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate Well-spoken and Clear" has just been published. What you say is important, but how you say it, and how you look when you say it, is even more important. The book will help you become more articulate, well-spoken, poised and gracious. Considerable attention is given to the various forms and subtleties of non-verbal communication. You will not find a more comprehensive guide to speaking improvement than this book. Dr. Fleming is also the author of the best-selling series The Sound of Your Voice and The Serious Business of Small Talk.
If you wonder whether that frog in your throat and those sweeping hand gestures affect your success in business, talk to Dr. Carol Fleming. Dr. Fleming is in private practice since 1980.
"
Her book "It's the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate Well-spoken and Clear" has just been published. What you say is important, but how you say it, and how you look when you say it, is even more important. The book will help you become more articulate, well-spoken, poised and gracious. Considerable attention is given to the various forms and subtleties of non-verbal communication. You will not find a more comprehensive guide to speaking improvement than this book. Dr. Fleming is also the author of the best-selling series The Sound of Your Voice and The Serious Business of Small Talk.
If you wonder whether that frog in your throat and those sweeping hand gestures affect your success in business, talk to Dr. Carol Fleming. Dr. Fleming is in private practice since 1980.
"
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
December 15, 2020
Actually a noteworthy little book :) Lots of audiobook mistakes though
Notes:
- Speak clearly, speak easily but not too much especially when others want their turn, do not interrupt, be courteous, deal seriously with serious matters and gravely with flatter ones, never criticize people behind their backs, stick to subjects of general interest, do not talk about yourself, never lose your temper
- Dale Carnegie rules: become genuinely interested in other people, smile, remember people’s names, be a good listener, talk in terms of the other persons interests, make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
- Anchor (opening line, can be a neutral topic like the weather which is a common reality for everyone), reveal (say something about yourself offer information to establish trust),
- Don’t say a vague word or thing like up North or a city say exactly where and it gives others a chance to connect
- Put out some bate and wear a fancy hat or a brooch so someone else has easy access to talk to you
- Knowledge on a topic is gold in a conversation
- When you’re in a new social setting like a party make it a self fulfilling prophecy of expectations, make a warm welcome and smile. If you fear rejection that is what you’ll get
- Handshakes are important practice on a friend, make sure the web of your palm touches theirs
- When introducing yourself say clearly Hi my name is Leah, instead of Hi I’m Leah, “my name is” gives the other person a chance to process what’s coming. If your name is rare different uncommon then say it slowly and clearly or even say my name is uncommon in —— my name is ——.
- After you say hi my name is, offer a tidbit of who you are in the setting, hi I’m Leah sister of the groom, hi I’m Leah a friend of Dan
- Of you’re circulating the room and need to leave current convo just say nice talking to you and cheers, or wrap it up with let’s make a meeting to discuss further or a follow up
Notes:
- Speak clearly, speak easily but not too much especially when others want their turn, do not interrupt, be courteous, deal seriously with serious matters and gravely with flatter ones, never criticize people behind their backs, stick to subjects of general interest, do not talk about yourself, never lose your temper
- Dale Carnegie rules: become genuinely interested in other people, smile, remember people’s names, be a good listener, talk in terms of the other persons interests, make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
- Anchor (opening line, can be a neutral topic like the weather which is a common reality for everyone), reveal (say something about yourself offer information to establish trust),
- Don’t say a vague word or thing like up North or a city say exactly where and it gives others a chance to connect
- Put out some bate and wear a fancy hat or a brooch so someone else has easy access to talk to you
- Knowledge on a topic is gold in a conversation
- When you’re in a new social setting like a party make it a self fulfilling prophecy of expectations, make a warm welcome and smile. If you fear rejection that is what you’ll get
- Handshakes are important practice on a friend, make sure the web of your palm touches theirs
- When introducing yourself say clearly Hi my name is Leah, instead of Hi I’m Leah, “my name is” gives the other person a chance to process what’s coming. If your name is rare different uncommon then say it slowly and clearly or even say my name is uncommon in —— my name is ——.
- After you say hi my name is, offer a tidbit of who you are in the setting, hi I’m Leah sister of the groom, hi I’m Leah a friend of Dan
- Of you’re circulating the room and need to leave current convo just say nice talking to you and cheers, or wrap it up with let’s make a meeting to discuss further or a follow up
August 13, 2018
Aside from a few typographical errors in my copy, this book was EXCELLENT. When I picked it up at the bookstore, I already had a vague understanding of what I needed to change in myself to improve my ability to connect with others. This book helped me move onto the next step. Now, instead of thinking, "I wish I could be better at talking to people," I know exactly what skills I need to learn, adjust, and practice to make my wish come true! The author knows what she's talking about when, in chapter two, she tells the reader to give the book to someone else if they aren't "willing to make the effort to achieve fluency" in these skills. Throughout my read, I kept seeing my old self, from high school, from my twenties, all these scenarios that happened to me (and because of me) and that no longer happen because I have since become open to change and open to others. I used to be one of those people who mocked and actively avoided small talk because I found it mundane, beneath me. But, before I even knew of this book's existence, I realized my reasoning was all wrong. Small talk wasn't an indulgence of the inferior, it was an essential social skill I entirely lacked due to my upbringing, and which was therefore mysterious and terrifying. I believe the reason I was able to gain so much from "The Serious Business of Small Talk" is that I had already moved past that stumbling block to self-improvement. The author knew it was a problem for people, hence her message. So, while this book is infinitely helpful if you're ready to take the plunge and start improving your communication skills, your relationships, and ultimately your happiness, if you still haven't gotten past the, "It's not me, it's them," mentality, I'm afraid there's not much here for you. This book was written for people like me, who are not just willing to improve themselves, but who are anxious to do so. If that sounds like you, what are you waiting for? Go find a copy and get reading!
February 9, 2020
Mostly useful information. I listened to the author’s recording of the audiobook, and I found many of the anecdotes and much of the delivery condescending in tone and nature. The tips for interaction, though, are generally helpful.
January 26, 2025
DNF
The book isn't bad. I am just not the right audience. I think if you have crippling social anxiety or if you truly don't know how to have a conversation, this can be a helpful book. If you do not know how to pick up on social cues, this can help you identify some of those.
The book isn't bad. I am just not the right audience. I think if you have crippling social anxiety or if you truly don't know how to have a conversation, this can be a helpful book. If you do not know how to pick up on social cues, this can help you identify some of those.
January 18, 2020
I got made fun of a little for my love of self-help books. What, like you're just going to become a better human by yourself? I only have 90 years on this planet, man, I'm in a hurry.
Anyhow, this is a fairly basic book that I got in a bundle. I meant to just leaf through it, but I ended up reading it. The author states that small talk is important because it's the first step to make them's into us'es. Since our society is rife with problems that stem from an "us vs them" mindset, I thought that was very interesting. It kept me going throughout the book.
I didn't learn much I wasn't already intuitively doing, but I love people who systemize normal mode of interaction for other people who might not find it as intuitive as we do.
Anyhow, this is a fairly basic book that I got in a bundle. I meant to just leaf through it, but I ended up reading it. The author states that small talk is important because it's the first step to make them's into us'es. Since our society is rife with problems that stem from an "us vs them" mindset, I thought that was very interesting. It kept me going throughout the book.
I didn't learn much I wasn't already intuitively doing, but I love people who systemize normal mode of interaction for other people who might not find it as intuitive as we do.
August 21, 2021
Read it in Romanian and not in the best translation, but the book offers useful and easy to apply information without try to be groundbreaking. I think it could be a useful read especially for students or people at their first job.
And a quote that i liked " you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with". Apparently this is by A. Lincoln but i first read it in this book.
And a quote that i liked " you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with". Apparently this is by A. Lincoln but i first read it in this book.
June 23, 2021
Made some good points about the value of smalltalk, how to approach strangers and handle your introduction. Some may find the advice obvious, but I'm autistic so to me this enlightening.
I don't know how much I'll put the provided advice into practice; conversing with strangers who just happen to be around seems a tad inefficient way to meet people and a little random. But there are times when I *do* want strike up a conversation, and the instructions this short book provide sound reasonable and effective. It was worth the time I spent reading it.
I don't know how much I'll put the provided advice into practice; conversing with strangers who just happen to be around seems a tad inefficient way to meet people and a little random. But there are times when I *do* want strike up a conversation, and the instructions this short book provide sound reasonable and effective. It was worth the time I spent reading it.
June 17, 2020
A good read
I enjoyed the book and realised that small talk is actually Big. This is something which almost everyone ignores but it has big implications on overall personality.
This book would definitely help in lowering social anxiety and enable you to become better at those tricky intital conversations
I enjoyed the book and realised that small talk is actually Big. This is something which almost everyone ignores but it has big implications on overall personality.
This book would definitely help in lowering social anxiety and enable you to become better at those tricky intital conversations
May 28, 2019
Tags: self help, conversation
Has lots of specific ideas for individual improvement, focused on acknowledging and respecting the other participant(s) in a conversation. The "acknowledge-reveal-encourage" idea is particularly useful in my experience.
Has lots of specific ideas for individual improvement, focused on acknowledging and respecting the other participant(s) in a conversation. The "acknowledge-reveal-encourage" idea is particularly useful in my experience.
January 5, 2019
Понравилась отдельная глава о том, как вырастить ребёнка общительным. Ранее нигде такого не встречала.
January 16, 2023
閒聊是社交的一環，只要有人的地方就會有閒聊的機會，所以學習是至關重要的，凡事從零開始，保持樂觀與練習是不二法門
1．人對“我們”有親密感，對“他們”有排斥感，所以社交閒聊的目的之一就是要把“他們”變成“我們”，拉近距離、增加信任、建立友誼、避免衝突、相互了解
2．因為是社交目的，所以情感第一，話題第二
3．禮貌善意：保持微笑、懂得傾聽、善於提問、表達真誠、眼神交流、點頭示意等
4．言簡意賅：能長篇大論卻又能得到大家認可的情況少之又少，所以儘可能讓發言保持輪轉
5．長篇大論不好，但悶不吭聲也是不好，這樣會讓人很難接話，閒聊便很快會結束，所以要避免用“不、不知道、好、是”這種辭彙
6．話題可以隨時轉換，大家都有共鳴的話題會停留久一點，沒有共鳴的就可以隨轉換，畢竟閒聊不是學術討論，不必太過大是大非
7．閒聊和打球一樣，不傳球只霸球是不會得到大家共鳴的
8．別論人長短、別只講自己、維持情緒
9．因為閒聊需要兩者以上的參與，所以別太擔心他人的善意邀請（這也就是為什麼天氣是萬用的話題了）
10．找話題時，記得設定一個中性的話題、主動表達自己簡單的看法、鼓勵邀請對方發言
11．在派對時可以帶一些禮物去，這樣又能表達禮貌善意又能開啟話題閒聊
12．不知道要聊什麼的時候，可以提出一些可以共同討論的話題，如果都沒有共同話題，可以就現場的環境開始
13．不同地方有不同的文化，性別、宗教、習慣、政治等禁忌，所以事前功課不可少做
14．有勇氣、有熱誠、有準備後，接下來就是要對參與討論的話題有一定程度了解才行，不然閒聊之後的專業話題就會無法參與
15．在大家都不熟彼此的情形下，可以用衣著打扮來爭取認同，畢竟人還是多少會在意外表的，另外，合宜的打扮也可幫助建立自信
16．每個派對的組成都可能不太一樣，所以到了現場可以先觀察一下氣氛再開始試著融入，尤其是派對氣氛是要大家共同維護的
17．話題的冷熱可以先觀察一下，不然有時會拿熱臉貼冷屁股或進入雷區，畢竟有些話題會稍微私密
18．如果話題讓自己很難參與，此時可以很客氣的感謝和對方聊天的機會而退出
19．因為閒聊是一個共同創造出的環境，所以退出或加入也要相互幫助有默契，不過禮貌與客氣是不變的法則
20．派對主人或重要人士可能要照顧很多人，所以儘可能與其打完招呼後就讓他們完成他們的“工作”
21．如果記不住對方名字，可以很禮貌的請教，有辦法的話就隨筆記下來
22．每個人對酒精的吸收度都不同，所以如果聚會內有酒精，就要小心自己不要失態
23．餐點也是，儘量拿取少量食物墊胃就好，這也可避免吃相不佳或不小心打翻等問題，畢竟聚會是社交為主，而不是吃飯
24．對已是“我們”的親朋好友來說，關心與惦記是至關重要的，加上真誠的傾聽，可以加強彼此的關係與連繫
25．因為閒聊也需要訓練，所以幫助孩子在小時就敢於踏出第一步也是很重要的，從幫助他們了解表達自己與培養好奇心或興趣，這個可以從小學開始替小孩辦家庭聚餐開始練習，當然，父母長輩以身作則是不可少的，小孩的邏輯可能不很縝密，但是創意是無限的，大人也可放下身段放開心胸一起同樂，畢竟對小孩來說遊戲就是學習的最好方法
26．一切都從打招呼開始
27．閒聊的真正殺手不是沉漠不是木訥，而是3c產品
28．可以參考訪談節目與脫口秀主持人的提問與技巧來精進自己的技巧
1．人對“我們”有親密感，對“他們”有排斥感，所以社交閒聊的目的之一就是要把“他們”變成“我們”，拉近距離、增加信任、建立友誼、避免衝突、相互了解
2．因為是社交目的，所以情感第一，話題第二
3．禮貌善意：保持微笑、懂得傾聽、善於提問、表達真誠、眼神交流、點頭示意等
4．言簡意賅：能長篇大論卻又能得到大家認可的情況少之又少，所以儘可能讓發言保持輪轉
5．長篇大論不好，但悶不吭聲也是不好，這樣會讓人很難接話，閒聊便很快會結束，所以要避免用“不、不知道、好、是”這種辭彙
6．話題可以隨時轉換，大家都有共鳴的話題會停留久一點，沒有共鳴的就可以隨轉換，畢竟閒聊不是學術討論，不必太過大是大非
7．閒聊和打球一樣，不傳球只霸球是不會得到大家共鳴的
8．別論人長短、別只講自己、維持情緒
9．因為閒聊需要兩者以上的參與，所以別太擔心他人的善意邀請（這也就是為什麼天氣是萬用的話題了）
10．找話題時，記得設定一個中性的話題、主動表達自己簡單的看法、鼓勵邀請對方發言
11．在派對時可以帶一些禮物去，這樣又能表達禮貌善意又能開啟話題閒聊
12．不知道要聊什麼的時候，可以提出一些可以共同討論的話題，如果都沒有共同話題，可以就現場的環境開始
13．不同地方有不同的文化，性別、宗教、習慣、政治等禁忌，所以事前功課不可少做
14．有勇氣、有熱誠、有準備後，接下來就是要對參與討論的話題有一定程度了解才行，不然閒聊之後的專業話題就會無法參與
15．在大家都不熟彼此的情形下，可以用衣著打扮來爭取認同，畢竟人還是多少會在意外表的，另外，合宜的打扮也可幫助建立自信
16．每個派對的組成都可能不太一樣，所以到了現場可以先觀察一下氣氛再開始試著融入，尤其是派對氣氛是要大家共同維護的
17．話題的冷熱可以先觀察一下，不然有時會拿熱臉貼冷屁股或進入雷區，畢竟有些話題會稍微私密
18．如果話題讓自己很難參與，此時可以很客氣的感謝和對方聊天的機會而退出
19．因為閒聊是一個共同創造出的環境，所以退出或加入也要相互幫助有默契，不過禮貌與客氣是不變的法則
20．派對主人或重要人士可能要照顧很多人，所以儘可能與其打完招呼後就讓他們完成他們的“工作”
21．如果記不住對方名字，可以很禮貌的請教，有辦法的話就隨筆記下來
22．每個人對酒精的吸收度都不同，所以如果聚會內有酒精，就要小心自己不要失態
23．餐點也是，儘量拿取少量食物墊胃就好，這也可避免吃相不佳或不小心打翻等問題，畢竟聚會是社交為主，而不是吃飯
24．對已是“我們”的親朋好友來說，關心與惦記是至關重要的，加上真誠的傾聽，可以加強彼此的關係與連繫
25．因為閒聊也需要訓練，所以幫助孩子在小時就敢於踏出第一步也是很重要的，從幫助他們了解表達自己與培養好奇心或興趣，這個可以從小學開始替小孩辦家庭聚餐開始練習，當然，父母長輩以身作則是不可少的，小孩的邏輯可能不很縝密，但是創意是無限的，大人也可放下身段放開心胸一起同樂，畢竟對小孩來說遊戲就是學習的最好方法
26．一切都從打招呼開始
27．閒聊的真正殺手不是沉漠不是木訥，而是3c產品
28．可以參考訪談節目與脫口秀主持人的提問與技巧來精進自己的技巧
April 9, 2018
The book contains a few remarks about gender communication styles that I found really interesting. There is also a chapter about talking with children, activity that I find highly problematic in general (possible because I have no children of my own and I find it hard to find common ground with other people's kids). Unfortunately I didn't really find many answers to my questions. Moreover, I was rather disappointed with the lack of in-depth discussion of most subjects. The book seems to be a collection of common sense advice on listening and manners, with the main focus being encouragement for the socially anxious to start having casual conversations. Perhaps it is going to be of help to some but I didn't experience any great revelation myself.
November 18, 2018
Knyga lengvai skaitoma. Pačioje pradžioje autorė pabrėžia, kad lengvo pokalbio galima išmokti ir to išmokstama tik darant. Reikalingi 3 žingsniai pokalbiui: pradėti pokalbį neutralia tema iš bendros aplinkos, pasidalinti kažka susijusio su tavimi ir atviru klausimu padrasinti pašnekova tolimesniam pokalbiui, kuris gali tapti gilesnis. Visa tai sustiprinama kitais dalykais, kaip pvz. šypsena, bendra veikla, įdomia patirtimi, kuria gali pasidalinti, ir kitais.
Knyga paliko gero įvado ‘small talk’ tema, neradau nieko per daug naujo, ko nežinočiau.
Knyga paliko gero įvado ‘small talk’ tema, neradau nieko per daug naujo, ko nežinočiau.
November 2, 2019
This is an excellent handbook on how to chat comfortably with people, known or unknown, on how to make and nurture social connection. At only 178 pages, it outlines and gives examples on how to practice many of the social skills and cues that make up what we call “small talk“, a form of connection and communication that is much more significant than it’s sometimes considered. The style is engaging and to the point, relevant and just light enough. Whether a primer or a review, depending on the reader, it’s well done. Highly recommend.
April 10, 2023
对我来说比较有意义的4个takeaways：
1. 多练习！可以自己录像，看看有哪里做的不好的地方，发声方式、语音语调、身体语言，等等。而且须知练习是一回事，要真的去尝试、锻炼，更有效。
2. 保持对别人好奇心的方法：这世界上所有人都知道一些你不知道的事情。Dig it out.
3. 做社交侦探，发现谈话场上的气氛、微动作，从别人的话里找出可以继续聊的点，鼓励对方多谈，不要太在意自己，也不要光顾着展现自己。
4. Being nice 和真朋友的区别。是否在意你说的话、你的生活，是否会主动找你、是否会follow up，是否会进入更深层次的交流。
原先想要说把儿童的社交书拿来教育自己，看了这本之后才发现果然还是大人的课程更合适！我已经是大人了嘿！
书中的一大惊喜是谈到了不同性别对「对话」的了解不同，这是社会结构导致的blabla，很有启发！没想到这居然是一门真实存在的科学！我不懂的东西还有很多。
最后一章里面的推荐阅读也非常棒！
。总之是本好书，很多方法是没有监督者和更有经验者的存在也能自己精进的部分。但我也确实需要有人能推我一把……………………叹气
1. 多练习！可以自己录像，看看有哪里做的不好的地方，发声方式、语音语调、身体语言，等等。而且须知练习是一回事，要真的去尝试、锻炼，更有效。
2. 保持对别人好奇心的方法：这世界上所有人都知道一些你不知道的事情。Dig it out.
3. 做社交侦探，发现谈话场上的气氛、微动作，从别人的话里找出可以继续聊的点，鼓励对方多谈，不要太在意自己，也不要光顾着展现自己。
4. Being nice 和真朋友的区别。是否在意你说的话、你的生活，是否会主动找你、是否会follow up，是否会进入更深层次的交流。
原先想要说把儿童的社交书拿来教育自己，看了这本之后才发现果然还是大人的课程更合适！我已经是大人了嘿！
书中的一大惊喜是谈到了不同性别对「对话」的了解不同，这是社会结构导致的blabla，很有启发！没想到这居然是一门真实存在的科学！我不懂的东西还有很多。
最后一章里面的推荐阅读也非常棒！
。总之是本好书，很多方法是没有监督者和更有经验者的存在也能自己精进的部分。但我也确实需要有人能推我一把……………………叹气
September 11, 2023
While I believe this book was helpful to me and my current difficulties with small talk, I think this book comes across in a slightly demeaning tone. I think I feel this way because she reads her own book and maybe I didn't like her tone. Overall it was helpful to me, but not something I would recommend to anyone to read unless they want to have some ideas about improving their small talk skills.
April 15, 2021
While definitely not a cure for social anxiety and extreme shyness, it will offer better understanding as to why small talk is important and beneficial, as well as some tips and tricks to help keep the conversation going.
September 30, 2023
Easy to read, a lot of author's personal experience. The book gives practical methods how to gain confidence in further conversations after "small talks". The "small talk" is a starting point for everyone. Recommend to read for sure!
July 11, 2018
Informative and a plus for anyone in business communication positions
September 1, 2021
Practical book for introverts who find it difficult to network and make small talks. Easy to read and simple frameworks to remember.
August 3, 2023
Please add this edition https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5... to this book.
February 12, 2025
would give a 2.5.
i think the advice is good, however the example scenarios felt a little pretentious.
i think the advice is good, however the example scenarios felt a little pretentious.
July 14, 2025
This was not an enjoyable book to read but it most certainly was informative. I had trouble relating to some of the scenarios and dialogues and got the impression it was written by someone of an older generation. However, the authors attempt at humor was occasionally amusing especially in the section about gossip.
Prior to reading this, I was the type of person who despised small talk and saw it as superficial/awkward/uncomfortable. And also was not good at it. I give the author credit for changing my mind about this. Now I view it as a warm-up to finding common interests that could lead to deeper conversations.
Key take-aways:
+Make the other person feel important. People are warmed by the attention and admiration of a listener. This also helps take the focus off our self-consciousness.
+Acknowledge people with some kind of greeting
+Be curious when meeting someone new. Everyone you meet knows something you don't
+Be an interested, non-judgmental observer
+Small talk cannot always be premeditated, you have to make it up as you go
+The goal is to connect with another human being...don't take small talk too seriously
+Put yourself in environments where you can practice small talk; get involved.
+When you look good, you feel good but also people will naturally regard you more positively
+People with thoughtful opinions make the best conversationalists
+To disagree without being disagreeable, separate the person you are talking to from the unpopular idea being expressed. Make the other person feel safe to express their differing opinions
+Gossip is a form of intimate conversation
+Your expectations and attractive social attitude are what you bring to the party
+Being approachable requires sending out signals of sociability and friendliness like smiling, making eye contact, having an open posture, leaning forward, head nods etc
+Make an effort to remember and use people's names
+Its not just what you say or how you say it but how they hear it
Prior to reading this, I was the type of person who despised small talk and saw it as superficial/awkward/uncomfortable. And also was not good at it. I give the author credit for changing my mind about this. Now I view it as a warm-up to finding common interests that could lead to deeper conversations.
Key take-aways:
+Make the other person feel important. People are warmed by the attention and admiration of a listener. This also helps take the focus off our self-consciousness.
+Acknowledge people with some kind of greeting
+Be curious when meeting someone new. Everyone you meet knows something you don't
+Be an interested, non-judgmental observer
+Small talk cannot always be premeditated, you have to make it up as you go
+The goal is to connect with another human being...don't take small talk too seriously
+Put yourself in environments where you can practice small talk; get involved.
+When you look good, you feel good but also people will naturally regard you more positively
+People with thoughtful opinions make the best conversationalists
+To disagree without being disagreeable, separate the person you are talking to from the unpopular idea being expressed. Make the other person feel safe to express their differing opinions
+Gossip is a form of intimate conversation
+Your expectations and attractive social attitude are what you bring to the party
+Being approachable requires sending out signals of sociability and friendliness like smiling, making eye contact, having an open posture, leaning forward, head nods etc
+Make an effort to remember and use people's names
+Its not just what you say or how you say it but how they hear it
July 3, 2019
Читала урывками с телефона. Читается быстро.
У кого нет проблем с коммуникациями, не стоит тратить время. Но интроверту пригодится.
Но пока читала, в голове всплыли образы некоторых знакомых мне разработчиков. Если нужен минимум хороших манер и коммуникативных скиллов, то книга нанесёт пользу.
Заинтересовала мысль: мини-беседа - это не трата времени, а способ сказать миру, что ты готов общаться, и прощупать, что интересно собеседнику.
Другая мысль: как помочь собеседнику запомнить твоё имя и тебя. Лично мне полезно - постоянно забываю имена и людей.
Как войти в разговор, как выйти из разговора - так чтобы не выставить себя идиотом или похуже. Полезно.
19 глава - ровно про мою семью. Теперь обязательно обсуждаем фильмы и новости и собираемся раз в неделю. Улучшились коммуникации, появились взаимные интересы.
У кого нет проблем с коммуникациями, не стоит тратить время. Но интроверту пригодится.
Но пока читала, в голове всплыли образы некоторых знакомых мне разработчиков. Если нужен минимум хороших манер и коммуникативных скиллов, то книга нанесёт пользу.
Заинтересовала мысль: мини-беседа - это не трата времени, а способ сказать миру, что ты готов общаться, и прощупать, что интересно собеседнику.
Другая мысль: как помочь собеседнику запомнить твоё имя и тебя. Лично мне полезно - постоянно забываю имена и людей.
Как войти в разговор, как выйти из разговора - так чтобы не выставить себя идиотом или похуже. Полезно.
19 глава - ровно про мою семью. Теперь обязательно обсуждаем фильмы и новости и собираемся раз в неделю. Улучшились коммуникации, появились взаимные интересы.
January 21, 2019
Самая коротка рецензия от Васильевой: small talk — это прикольно, если воспринимать его не как пустой разговор. Микробеседа — это всего лишь мостик к другому человеку, что бы понять нужно ли общаться дальше.
Все остальное: помесь из Дейла Карнеги, советов как стать долбанным экстравертом, а еще каких-то дурацких сексистских и сносбских рекомендаций. Пипец, товарищи.
Все остальное: помесь из Дейла Карнеги, советов как стать долбанным экстравертом, а еще каких-то дурацких сексистских и сносбских рекомендаций. Пипец, товарищи.
August 14, 2020
This covers the bare minimums of the whys and hows of making small talk. I would have liked it to be much more comprehensive, but since I got it cheaply from Humble Bundle, I guess I ain't really complaining. I can confirm that it's indeed better than what you'd get by just searching online for random articles.
May 30, 2019
Нормально для «освежения» в памяти данной темы, но, в целом, набор изв��стных практик.
October 11, 2019
Всё по верхам, много рекламы своих услуг. Повторы других авторов по теме.
Основная мысль, что разговоры о мелочах типа погоды - классно помогают установить контакт.
Основная мысль, что разговоры о мелочах типа погоды - классно помогают установить контакт.
April 12, 2021
Nothing new or enlightening. Early on the author seemed to be bragging about herself in a very snobbish manor, which turned me off of wanting to listen to anything else she had to say.
June 28, 2024
Get off your phone and talk!
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