Making Sense of Forgiveness: Moving from Hurt toward Hope

by Brad Hambrick, Rachel Denhollander (Foreword)

Clichés, glib answers, and quick solutions are shared all too often with those who are struggling to forgive or embrace forgiveness. We know Jesus calls us to forgive, but it can be hard to know what that looks like in complicated, messy relationships. Pastor and counselor Brad Hambrick helps readers to understand that forgiveness is the start of a journey that doesn’t erase the past, but honestly confronts hurt and clears the way for a hope-filled discussion on how to move toward healing.

Too often forgiveness is viewed as the culmination of a journey, but when someone says, “I forgive you,” they are not saying, “Things are all better now.” They are saying, “I have decided to relate to your offense towards me differently.” Hambrickhelps readers make sense of forgiveness biblically and relationally by addressing a variety of common questions that arise when we have been hurt: Does forgiveness mean restoration of trust? Am I supposed to “forgive and forget”? What is the role of biblical wisdom and boundaries on the road to forgiveness?

Making Sense of Forgiveness speaks to those who are struggling by acknowledging the seriousness of their pain, explaining the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and helping readers understand the relationship between forgiveness and emotional freedom. The author explores the characteristics of God’s forgiveness toward us and how that shapes our own forgiveness.

Includes a foreword from lawyer, activist, and former gymnast Rachael Denhollander.

Genres: Counselling, Christian Living, Christian, Nonfiction, Personal Growth

159 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 30, 2021

Reviews

[Kathy Hogeveen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very sensitive to the struggle of walking out forgiveness while dispelling many myths. I highly recommend it to anyone still suffering through the pain of forgiveness. Knowing we have to forgive does not make it easy.

[Jennifer Holmes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book. Well written and accessible, it covers all aspects of forgiveness, including the practical parts no one talks about.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easily the best book on forgiveness I’ve ever read, Brad Hambrick’s Making Sense of Forgiveness is a practical and nuanced invitation into a topic that seems easy in theory, until you have to navigate it personally. Hambrick spends the first section defining what forgiveness is and isn’t, then considers what God’s forgiveness looks like. He then has us consider what it is to wisely extend forgiveness and receive forgiveness. Finally, he has us navigate closure and potential missteps along the way.

One of the counter-intuitive truths along the way is that we need to really walk into the pain caused by the offense to experience true forgiveness. “Forgiveness is not pretending I’m not hurt,” Hambrick tells us. Nor is it “Letting someone off the hook,” “making an excuse for someone,” nor even “forgetting.” “Forgiveness is the start of a new journey. Forgiveness does not erase the past.” And “Forgiveness is not necessarily trust or reconciliation.”

Hambrick offers loads of truth that runs against the grain of much of our bumper sticker practical theology. “With Jesus there is nothing unforgivable, but there is not forgiveness on any terms,” Hambrick says. Hambrick urges us to consider what needs to do be done on the other side of forgiveness to restore trust and to make amends for what we have done.

In complicating forgiveness, Hambrick has done us a great service. He has offered a deep and true way to know Christ more profoundly.

In Philippians 3, Paul speaks of experiencing the knowledge of Christ and his sufferings and resurrection. As I read this passage, I think of knowing Christ through forgiveness. Paul says, “7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.”

May we move from hurt toward hope as we experience forgiveness through Christ.

For more reviews see thebeehive.live.

[Jacob Gubbrud · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was phenomenal. Very approachable, will definitely be coming back to this one in the future.

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is so good. A 10/5 stars, if I could.
Read the table of contents to get a sense of the nuance and care with which Hambrick unpacks what is, and gently guides towards, a biblical forgiveness.
You will feel heard. You will feel cared for.

[Darren Maxfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful book.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great little book! Short chapters, digestible content, favorite chapters were Ch 10, 16 and 20

Two of the great quotes from this book are, “even if it is unwise to open the door of relationship to the person who hurt you, forgiveness opens the door of relationship for you toward others.”

And “you are emphasizing the character of the God who delights in redeeming and freeing His children from sin and any other bondage that impedes their ability to enjoy the full life God intends for them.”

[Tucker Pond · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really great resource for anyone who is working through forgiveness or being forgiven. I think I will often return to this book.

"No one can get far on the road of forgiveness without being vulnerable."

[Greg Mathis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a helpful book. However, more positive construction of the nature and attributes of forgiveness would be helpful.

This reality is largely due to the purpose of Hambrick's treatment. This work represents a counterweight to many popular notions related to forgiveness. At some points, I found myself thinking that the subtitle of the book could have been "How Forgiveness is Not What You Think It Is." And fair enough. Hambrick at many points raised valid concerns about popular notions of forgiveness.

And yet I found myself yearning for clear statements about the power of forgiveness, its appropriate expression, and a pathway for helping people reach it. These themes are present, to be sure. But they are minor notes that rest in the shadow of Hambrick's desire to present a "not so fast" view of common forgiveness teaching.

These things said, I am challenged by Hambrick's legion points. He helps readers think through the lens of the offended. He also provides a clear grid through which to view those who seek forgiveness apart from a clear commitment to deeply biblical repentance.

[Ashlee Schmidt · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book, Hambrick provides his readers with a practical and biblical view of forgiveness that addresses its complicated and messy nuances without defaulting to trite generalizations or overpromising results. He speaks into many facets of hurt and forgiveness that often get overlooked or minimized in our attempt rush ourselves or someone else towards “closure.”

You will be reminded that while forgiveness is the pathway for moving from hurt toward hope, it is a journey, not the conclusion. You will be challenged to consider issues like boundaries, reconciliation, and trust from a biblical lens. And your gaze will be lifted to your compassionate God who first forgave you. I highly recommend this resource.

[Craig Marshall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a must-read. Brad Hambrick is thoughtful and nuanced about issues that are often thought of and taught far too simplistically (and I have definitely been guilty of this). It gives categories, principles, and examples of what forgiveness is and is not, and what the process of reconciliation actually involves. I also love how it is 27 bite-sized chapters. The content is a slow soak and something to marinate on. The "ministry mishaps" section is invaluable, not just for pastors, but for everyone who gives instruction about these concepts and passages. It doesn't solve everything, nor does it claim to do so, but it sets us on a path of wisdom and maturity in our relationships with one another. I can't recommend it enough.

[Lindy Leonard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm thankful to have read this book in this season of my life. Hambrick unapologetically upholds God's call to forgiveness, while carefully and compassionately exploring what that does and does not mean. I would recommend this book to anyone who has been wronged, and anyone speaking into the life of someone who has been wronged. So, basically anyone.

[Bradford Schiebel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very heady, intellectual, well-thought-out perspective on forgiveness. I need to go back and review the perspectives that Hambrick has to see where God is in the midst of a healing journey.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brad Hambrick has done a wonderful job of explaining the scope and depth of what forgiveness entails, leaving room for nuanced circumstances, leaving room for in general, because I think people have been brought up in households, not just believing households, where forgiveness is something you have to do do right away on the spot and it’s over and done with, let’s move on; rather than looking at forgiveness as a journey, not a quick one and done, the latter is detrimental to both parties—the one needing forgiving in a particular situation and the one doing the “forgiving”. Forgiveness is so much more than people are commonly brought up to learn, not to say it was all bad, making kids exchange an “I’m sorry”, an “I forgive you” and a hug within quick time of the aftermath of the little 3 year old to happily knock over eldest child’s lego creation (this is not the first time either); there is an appropriate level of forgiving and forgiveness offered here and a lesson to be taught and learned. However, would anyone truly say (yes, “they” would) this is an appropriate exchange as we move on to more extreme situations and circumstances? I personally don’t believe people even realize they are holding on to an errant view of what forgiveness actually is. It is so much bigger and complicated than using “big” terms like confession and repentance while dropping a verse as a cherry on top. So often this previous example is what seems to take place, not that true confession, true repentance, and true scriptural application is not crucial; but have our ways matured and grown, just with big words and a verse? I don’t know, maybe… Brad Hambrick has broken this complicated thing called forgiveness down. With various scenarios and answers the questions the maturing Christian has been asking, as well as some they may not have had enter their mind. I appreciate his work on this topic and the room he gives for the journey in seeking the true forgiveness found in the Lord Jesus. Highly recommend this book.

[Esther Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent.

I often feel cautious as I begin to read new resources on forgiveness. There are so many perspectives on this complicated topic, and many of them are unhelpful or too simplistic. Within the first chapter, any need to feel cautious disappeared.

Instead of offering quick fixes or rushing you through the process, Brad Hambrick reveals a compassionate way forward. You won’t feel shamed as you read this book. Instead you will find gentle encouragements and clear explanations for what you are experiencing and how to respond.

If you desire to forgive someone, are struggling to accept forgiveness, or are helping another person navigate this difficult process, this book can help. Personally, I will be returning to this book over and over again as I help people navigate forgiveness in counseling.

[Amanda Perdue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful for the one who needs to be forgiven, who needs to forgive, and the friend walking alongside them. Hambrick breaks it all down into short chapters and suggests several other resources on certain topics.

[Shirley Alarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving from hurt toward hope is author Brad Hambrick’s quest in Making Sense of Forgiveness and he hits the mark with precision. Hambrick’s hopeful, helpful, honest journey for the hurting takes the complex concept of forgiveness and breaks it down into relatable topics that can be digested as quickly or as slowly as needed for the reader’s journey to the peace forgiveness offers.

The pastor and counselor in Mr. Hambrick come across professionally and articulately as he walks through the sometimes tough truths and “gritty work” required on the difficult road to forgiveness.

Biblical forgiveness is the foundation of the book and is covered in such topics as embracing God’s forgiveness, is God’s forgiveness unconditional, and leaving room for the wrath of God. In practical terms, Mr. Hambrick covers the gamut of what forgiveness is and what it isn’t, the concept of “forgiving and forgetting”, boundaries and forgiveness coexisting, emotional freedom, and much more.

Each chapter ends with questions for reflection and the book ends with guidance for counselors, pastors, and church leaders.

Making Sense of Forgiveness includes many truths that have the potential to be life-changing for readers, such as, “Jesus was exceedingly gracious, but no doormat,” and “Forgiveness is like a marathon; there is great merit in finishing, regardless of how long it takes.” This book feels like the balm to a painful, festering wound.

Who would enjoy this book?
Anyone who is struggling after being hurt would find useful information and guidance in this book. I can see this book being a life-changer for a reader who truly wants to get their life back after a painful betrayal. Also, the supplemental material included at the end for counselors, pastors, and other church leaders, makes this book valuable for anyone who counsels people.

How this book affected me:
Making Sense of Forgiveness provided just that for me. I was impressed with the way Mr. Hambrick broke the concepts down into brief, digestible pieces, that would walk a hurting person through all the scenarios, roadblocks, and challenges that forgiveness might entail. This will be my top reference book for those who are struggling with life beyond being hurt.

Our Christian Book Reviews:
The book reviews at Finding God Among Us focus on Christian books – adult and children, fiction and nonfiction. Our specialties are newly released Christian books on faith and Christian picture books. We’re proud to be included in the Top 20 Christian Book Review Bloggers. I chose to read this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Alex Chiang · Rating 3 out of 5]

A really wonderful and really short introduction to forgiveness. Hambrick does a great job of nuancing the shallow vision of forgiveness that unfortunately exists in many evangelical spaces. I especially appreciated his reflections on wise trust and proper conditions for forgiveness. However, the book's brevity betrays its core purpose. For a book that so clearly recognizes the importance of hurt and pain in the process of forgiveness, I was shocked by how little it engages with grief. Hambrick acknowledges grief as the context for and a result of forgiveness, but he does little to explain the necessary interaction between grief and forgiveness. Forgiveness is only possible to the extent that the wrong done has been grieved, both by the victim and the offender. As such, Making Sense of Forgiveness overpromises and underdelivers. While the book offers guidance on how forgiveness can lead to emotional freedom, it does not shepherd the reader through one of the most significant conditions of offering and receiving forgiveness.

[Melody T · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book met me right in the middle of something deeply personal and painful. Making Sense of Forgiveness doesn’t offer quick fixes or spiritual clichés—it acknowledges the real weight of hurt and validates that forgiveness is not simple, instant, or tidy.

What stood out most to me is the clear distinction between forgiveness, reconciliation, trust, and boundaries. I appreciated how the author affirms that forgiving someone does not mean excusing what happened, minimizing harm, or pretending everything is okay. Instead, forgiveness is presented as a thoughtful, intentional journey—one that honestly confronts pain while still moving toward healing and hope.

This book helped me feel less alone in my struggle and gave language to emotions I’ve had trouble naming. It was both grounding and freeing to read something that takes trauma seriously while still pointing toward biblical truth and emotional freedom. I would highly recommend this to anyone wrestling with forgiveness in complicated, messy situations—especially when the hurt runs deep.

[Joan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Christians know forgiveness is essential. We are told to forgive as God forgives us. But forgiveness is hard. It's not a momentary experience as there are feelings and other aspects that remain after making the choice to forgive. Hambrick helps those of us stuck on that road of forgiveness.

He covers topics like obstacles to forgiveness, what forgiveness is and isn't, which kinds of acts require forgiveness and which don't (we forgive sin, excuse mistakes, overlook quirks), and what forgiveness means for future relationships. “Forgiveness does not commit me to an unwise or destructive pattern of relating.” (51) I appreciate that Hambrick says forgiveness is not ignoring the hurt, it is not letting the culprit off the hook, it is not forgetting, and it is not necessarily trust or reconciliation. It is understanding God's forgiveness in new ways and remembering gracefully.

I am not sure this book is suitable for the average Christian. I found Hambrick's writing style a bit complex and hard to understand at times. There were some sentences I had to reread a few times to grasp the meaning. The text has more of a psychological bent and may be best read by professionals in the field.

There is one area where I would urge caution. Hambrick writes, “...unless we repent (a condition), God does not forgive.” (30) I have images of laying awake as a child, going over my day, trying to ask forgiveness for every misdeed lest I die in my sleep and be sent to hell for a sin I failed to remember. I find it interesting that he includes a chapter for professionals about individuals who have an obsession, such as continually asking for forgiveness. (137) I can see how such an obsession could form considering Hambrick's emphasis on the condition of repentance for forgiveness as quoted above.

I would rather we pay attention to Jesus asking God to forgive those who crucified Him because they did not know what they were doing. (Luke 23:34) I would also like to think that Jesus is doing the same for me now, interceding for me when I fail to remember a sin and repent of it. (Rom. 8:34) Trusting Jesus' continual intercession for us may help relax that obsession of trying to remember every sin to assure repentance and forgiveness.

This might be a good book for Christian counseling professionals to read to understand the complexities of forgiveness and to help people go through the entire process. In fact, there is a section in the book specifically for pastors, counselors, and church leaders. If a lay person plans to read this book, I suggest another be asked to read along. An objective co-reader could help clarify some of the author's ideas and suggestions. There are questions at the end of each chapter to help readers reflect on the material.

I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.

[Alastair Gooderham · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I wish I’d read years ago. Hambrick begins by working through misunderstandings of forgiveness and its application. Then looks at God’s forgiveness of us and what that means for us and what we learn from it.

In the third section he applies this to examine how we wisely forgive others, and here I found his chapter of boundaries being about boundaries between wisdom and folly rather than us and other incredibly helpful.

Section 4 examined how we embrace forgiveness from others and the difference between shame and guilt. Before moving on to explore ‘closure’ which he suggests would be better termed maturity.

The last section has pastors and church leaders in t tree crosshairs as it challenged the way we preach and teach about forgiveness from different parts of scripture and contains lots of practical and wise advice about how to do so.

Excellent book. One I’ll no doubt refer to again and again, recommend and pass on.

[Nate Bate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although there is more to be said on forgiveness, this book feels thorough and multi-dimensional. It seeks to help readers be honest and authentic with themselves, yet at the same time looking at concrete steps towards forgiveness at an appropriate pace. It deals with emotion, but it also deals with more than just emotion. It offered some perspectives on forgiveness that I had not considered before. Perhaps my favorite aspect to the the book is that Hambrick offers a truly trauma-informed perspective at the end of the book which seems to be absent from so much of Christian literature.

[Brian Virtue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource that I have already recommended to a few others. As one in the world of Christian conciliation and as a peacemaking professor, I've read tons. Not sure there is a resource that is as practical and clear, yet also navigates the nuances and complexities of the topic with skill and compassion. Main topics are grouped into sections and more specific conversations are broken down into digestible chapters of about 5-6 pages or so each. Each speaks to some part of the forgiveness and reconciliation conversation in very helpful ways.

[JL Salty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating: g - some mention of abuse as a reason to seek forgiveness / help, but no explicit description.
Recommend: Christian readers, adult, seeking guidance / training on forgiving others

An in depth, highly readable and applicable little book. So much to think about, so much to work on applying well. Biblical in its approach, lots of examples from the Bible / Jesus’s teachings. A resource to keep on the shelf to read again.

[Nathan White · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is tremendously helpful; I wish I would've read it years ago. It's not a book which slams you over the head with guilt if you're struggling to forgive, but rather a helpful overview of the process of forgiveness and how trust, healing, boundaries, etc., are involved. For those who've been sinned against or abused or hurt in significant ways, this book will be like the light bursting forth through the dark clouds. I'm keeping a stack in my office to give away to folks in my church.

[Kyle Linville · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book! It is so helpful for developing a Biblical framework for forgiveness that is Biblically faithful and wise. Read my entire review here: https://blogs.faithlafayette.org/coun...

[Jason Mkrtschjan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hambrick covers topics I have yet to find covered in any other book. Not exhaustive, but many, many scenarios and rationales for how to best navigate the turbulent waters of trust, forgiveness, repentance, and more. I do believe some of Hambrick’s interpretations and conclusions are just flat-out wrong. Overall, an extremely helpful book relevant for any damaged relationship.

[Jonathan Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent and accessible pastoral book on forgiveness.

It is biblical, wise, short, and compassionately written.

This book is good for anybody who has been abused, hurt, or sinned against. It walks through a robust biblical doctrine of forgiveness, repentance, and Restoration/reconciliation.

It is also a good book for counsellors, pastoral workers, and church leaders to read.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

So Helpful!

This book is a great exploration of the meaning of forgiveness and how to live in wisdom in this area. A well done blend of Biblical knowledge and application in the experience of caring for sufferers. I especially appreciated the considerations of traumatic experiences and for applying parables and Bible narratives to people’s lives.

[Ashley Chesnut · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book packs a punch. Best treatment on forgiveness that I’ve seen, and it’s not a long read. Plus, chapters are short - 3-6 pages with helpful processing questions at the end of each chapter. I definitely recommend! It addresses misconceptions you may not even know you’ve had.