Aging Faithfully: The Holy Invitation of Growing Older

by Alice Fryling, Leighton Ford (Foreword)

Would you like to grow in life-giving ways as you age? Do you have the courage to let go of former ways of thinking to receive God’s love and life in new ways?As we age, we experience the loss of physical stamina, independence, and career fulfillment. Yet within each of these losses is a holy invitation to grow. God calls us to let go of our need for accomplishment and embrace the gift of fruitfulness so that we might be transformed in this final season of our lives. In Aging Faithfully, spiritual director Alice Fryling explores how to navigate the journey of retirement, lifestyle changes, and new limitations. In this season of life, we are invited to hold both grief and hope, to acknowledge ways of thinking that no longer represent who we are, and to receive peace in the midst of our fears.We all age differently, and God calls each of us to new spiritual birth as we mature. When we embrace the aging process, we grow closer to God and experience his grace as he renews us from within. Whether you are approaching the beginning, middle, or end of your senior years, you are invited. Come and be transformed.Aging Faithfully includes questions for group discussion and suggestions for personal meditation.

Genres: Nonfiction, Spirituality, Christian Living, Self Help, Christian, Faith, Inspirational

184 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 7, 2021

About the author

Alice Frying is a spiritual director and the author of nine books, including Seeking God Together: An Introduction to Group Spiritual Direction. She has been giving Enneagram workshops for fifteen years, teaching participants how to use the Enneagram to know God and themselves more deeply. She and her husband have two married daughters and four grandchildren.

Reviews

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summary: An exploration of the questions that come with the changes of growing older and the invitations of God in those changes.

It seems that the mantra among those of my age group is “growing old ain’t for sissies.” You might think that those of us who have been at this game of life for awhile might have it figured out. What some may not realize is this is a new game, and we are rank beginners at it. Our bodies are changing, we are retiring from work, and maybe other pursuits of earlier years, our relationships with family, church, and others may be changing, and even our relationship with God may be changing as we let go of old patterns and open up to new ones. There are fears: about finances, about our relationship with our children, about losses of mental and physical abilities, and what the process of dying will be like for us.

Alice Fryling has written a beautiful book that engages all of these matters, some of which may even be hard to talk about and yet they may not be far from our thoughts. She writes as one in the midst of this process, seeing changes in her life situation, her body, and even in the things she wants to do and believes are God’s invitations. She shares her own journey even as she helps us to explore the contours of ours.

She begins by acknowledging that we are on a journey into the unknown, but that like the ancient explorers, it may lead to new places we did not know were there. She discusses retirement, not only from work but also some of the former activities that came with our working lives. Successive images of blossoms blooming and fallen, sap running, fruitfulness, and the best wine and new wineskins offer hope for what is fermenting, growing anew in our lives. She explores aging as a time of new birth, shedding the lies of the false self, even good, spiritual lies that no longer have a hold on us as we embrace what Christ is forming in us.

She acknowledges the losses of past work, of body, the importance of listening to the body’s messages and not denying the losses, but bringing them to God and opening ourselves to how we might be renewed inwardly when our bodies begin failing us. She talks about how we may struggle with the loss of control that sleep represents, and observes that insomnia, an accompaniment of aging, is also a loss of control, and another opportunity to surrender to the care of God. She considers letting go and our resistance to it. She observes how letting go may be a gift, as we acknowledge the changing desires in our hearts. We give up on “shoulding” and give ourselves to the “discipline of irresponsibility” that may be the first steps to responding to the Spirit’s invitations.

She confronts our fears and where we find peace as God leads us a step at a time. She deals with feelings of uselessness, loneliness, brokenness, and the concerns of the last season of our lives. Then in the epilogue, there is a wonderful summary by the decades of the sixties, seventies, and eighties of the questions that we may ask ourselves, and the sound counsel at any age that what we need are people who listen, not to solve us, but to draw us out. Appendices offer help with relevant scripture passages, an interview with her husband Bob, and a discussion what different groups–parents and children–would have the others know.

Alice Fryling’s honesty about questions, losses, letting go, and how she has found hope and peace is helpful. If you’ve reached our age, you are asking the questions and it helps to know one isn’t alone. Reflection questions and spiritual practices concluding the chapters offer opportunities to begin to listen for the invitations of God of which she speaks. As she proposes, the coming years are undiscovered country for all of us. I long not so much to know what they hold as to be found faithful in Christ to the end. Fryling offers the encouragement that the Lord desires this for us even more than we do, and will guide us safe home.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

[Juel Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alice Fryling uses “Aging Faithfully” as a tool to help the aging (we are all aging) and what that could/should look like as we walk with God in our senior years. Fears, health, economics, and more are addressed. As a sixty-six-year-old it was a source of encouragement as I hold God’s hands on this journey He has me on. It also helped me to understand others who are older and what they are experiencing such as my father and aunts. Aging is not a time of uselessness but a time to be more useful for God. May others experience the joy of aging faithfully with our Lord.

[Patricia Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aging Faithfully

Soft and cozy as a winter throw on the couch with a good book. Such a frank, positive, reflective work on aging, which I thought transcended the senior years. I found myself thinking often of younger people in my life who would benefit from her reflections.

A wise book. At first, I wondered if I was too young for it (at 71, with no big drama relating to aging at the moment, thank God). But the author spoke from a wide perspective and I began jotting down her pearls of wisdom. I appreciated how little attention she paid to fears and anxieties, the stuff of a typical AARP article, to dig deeper. If we’re still walking with Jesus, we’re still hopefully growing, learning, expanding, ministering. She spoke to that part of me. A rare treat.

Loved her opening chapter, which included a thoughtful reflection: “ I can celebrate becoming more fruitful, even as I become less productive.”

A very welcome offering in a very limited selection of books that deal positively with the spiritual aspects of aging. With no glib, self-help “aging well” platitudes, the author keeps to quiet reflective voice as she explores questions, fears, and challenges. As a spiritual director, she keeps an investigative outlook even with herself with herself.

My favorite part of the whole book was the story of her grandmother. A beautiful portrait of a ministry of presence. I wondered why she had the photo as her headshot and love that she pulled the curtain back for us.

Appendix 3 has some thoughtful survey question work to ponder & I bet stimulate difficult conversations.

[Kayti · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the audience for this one is meant to be retiree age, we gain a lot from looking down the road of life a bit. The author offers godly insight for the aging process, many concepts that are applicable throughout life.

[Ginger Hudock · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is designed for Christians who are over age 60 to help them navigate the third part of life in a way that is honoring to God. This book would also be useful to those who work with seniors. The author encourages readers to be fruitful for God's purposes in their lives. the book talks about letting go, replacing fear with peace and finding the holy invitations God has for your life now.
As a young senior, this book was helpful to me and also in my dealings with older seniors in my volunteer work as a Stephen Minister and as a daughter and daughter in law.
I received a compelmentary copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Lynda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can’t say I read anything new or enlightening in this book. It was pleasant, and it was a good reminder that we continue to change and grow even as we age…but then I knew that. It just didn’t really impact me in any meaningful way. To be honest, I skimmed portions. I have to say, although I think I caught her meaning about continuing to change and discover new things, I didn’t agree with her terminology that we are born again…and again…and again. That isn’t scriptural. I’m certain that could have been better said. I don’t like to write negative reviews, and I’m sure this book will appeal to many, but it just didn’t to me.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this with my eighty-six year old mother who is having a hard time with aging. The author asks good questions for reflection and doesn’t shy away from the difficulties of aging. She also talks about the holy opportunities that come with aging. I’m so glad I was able to read it with my mother and discuss her fears and concerns about the future.

[Letitia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and found it refreshingly honest and inspiring. Moving from “productivity to fruitfulness” was a main theme and resonates with my current season of life. Highly recommend!

[Lisa Lewton · Rating 3 out of 5]

What I love about this book is the way she weaves through the Scriptures.

Fryling invites reader to be reflective in our life as we age, particularly in the later seasons of life.

[Melisa Mulder · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. I truly appreciated this book, especially being in a newer stage of life (retirement and body slowing down). It also provided more insights into what our elderly parents are going through and how we might better support them. Some parts that really spoke to me:

“I want to unlearn my belief that I am responsible to meet everyone’s needs. I hope someday to unlearn my persistence belief that I must impress God, myself, or other people with who I am and what I do. I want to unlearn the value I place on productivity, busyness, and constant activity.” (p. 8)

“Listen! the Spirit whispers, Perhaps God is creating something new in you to help you be green and full of sap even in your old age. Perhaps I am changing. Perhaps God is freeing me from attitudes that have enslaved me in the past.” (p. 9)

“Now, God is inviting me to focus more on fruitfulness in my life… The fruit of the Holy Spirit is ‘love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control’ (Galatians 5:22:23)… As we age, we may find that we are not able to do as many tasks, but by the grace of God, we may find that there is *more fruit* in our lives than ever before.” (p. 10)

“As we age, God creates new wineskins in our souls to contain our new attitudes toward life. We may find that we are able to hold life more loosely. The things we thought were so important seen less so. When we grow older, we may (hopefully) become more flexible and less rigid towards ourselves and toward others.” (p. 15)

“Lectio Divina means ‘Devine Reading’ in Latin…
- Read a short passage of Scripture.
- Notice a word or phrase that stands out to you.
- Meditate on how that word or phrase might apply to some part of your life today.
- Notice the invitation of God to you in that passage of Scripture.” (p. 50)

“…peace is a fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives, along with a number of other good things like love, patience, kindness, and joy - things we long for at any age (Galatians 5:22-23)… Jesus said God is like a gardener. Jesus taught that every branch that bears fruit, he trims ‘so that it will be even more fruitful (John 15:2)… letting go of dead branches will help us be more fruitful. Perhaps the fruit of peace will blossom as we age… peace is a gift. Jesus said, ‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you’ (John 14:27). Because peace is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and peace is something given to us, we do not need to strive for it…” (pp. 104-105)

Dr. Atul Gawande, author of Being Mortal, “…suggests we ask the questions typically asked of older people who are entering the hospital or a nursing facility. These include questions about resuscitation, aggressive treatments, antibiotics, and feeding tubes… He said that when patients were offered discussions like this ‘they lived 25 percent longer.’ (p. 132)

“What so you fear the most? What do you want the most? What will be most helpful to you as you experience this difficult event?” (p. 133)

Appendix 1 “Scripture about Life after Death” (pp. 137-140)

[Sandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed pondering and considering the issues raised in this short audiobook. Good food for thought as I try to age faithfully

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very thoughtful book, helping me to face aging with a plan, rather than just falling into it.

[Sandi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the author's positive, yet practical approach to aging. You really don't think too much about aging until you start noticing changes in your mental and/or physical abilities (that specific age being different for everyone). While the author and I share some different interpretations of scripture, I found she gave me many helpful ways to look at the process. I believe at any age where we experiences physical and mental changes, it's helpful to pause, and ask God for direction in how to think about it, and enlist His help in moving forward.

[Ann Gemmel · Rating 4 out of 5]

So grateful for the wisdom author Alice Fryling shares in this book. I am but a few months from a big birthday and and am taking time to reflect on how I will engage fully and realistically in this final quarter of my life. As a fellow spiritual director I am confident that what I gathered from this book will also assist me as I companion others as they too enter life past midlife. I especially appreciated her repeated reminders that couples often approach aging and retirement from different and distinct vantage points and there is no “one size, fits all” or even “one size fits most” when it comes to matters of aging, retirement and even how we engage with elderly parents, Very helpful resource. I will be recommending this book to many!

I received a free digital review copy from NetGalley. The opinion expressed here is my honest review of this book.

[George Russell · Rating 3 out of 5]

We inevitably age. We find ourselves unable to keep up with the responsibilities we have taken on as we lose strength, mental and physical. Changes in our wellbeing may force a crisis in faith. In Aging Faithfully, Alice Fryling advises readers on how to meet the crisis.

Fryling says that, in her experience of aging, she found it increasingly difficult to handle all the activities she was involved in, and she needed to give up what she could no longer do properly. She acknowledges that her self-image had much to do with the roles she fulfilled. She speaks of a “false self,” an artifact of defining oneself in terms of society’s expectations. Aging can allow one to cast off the false self to find a truer self.

When faced with the prospect of losing physical strength, Fryling says, one can shift from concentrating on losses to finding possibilities. She argues that diminishing strength can lead to a more contemplative approach to life. She offers the paradox of growing stronger through growing weaker.

Biblical references throughout Aging Faithfully reinforce the book’s message. Fryling recommends the practice of Lectio Divina and includes a template, based on Isaiah 42:3 (pp. 52-53). She also refers to the work of writers like Parker Palmer, David Brooks, and Phileena Heuertz. She includes questions and meditations at the end of each chapter. Appendices offer a list of applicable Biblical verses, questions for her husband, and concerns across generations.

Some readers may find the book valuable for navigating their own aging, while others will be less convinced. Fryling compares human life to that of a tree, but I find the two life forms too different for the comparison to be meaningful to me. She tells of her and her husband’s experience, but I found the telling somewhat vague, and wanted to know more (though I understand she may have had privacy concerns). In a late chapter, she relates what an older woman once told her: “I am just so scared” (p. 101). By the end of the chapter, I was not satisfied that Fryling had assuaged such a fear.

[Dawn Dishman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Alice Fryling for writing such a beautiful book about aging.

All of us—from the day we are born until the day we die—are getting older, but culturally there seems to be a time in which you are “old” and in many ways dismissed. This gem of a book brings a biblical and hope filled perspective for those of us who happen to be getting older during the years where the changes in our bodies are getting weaker and not stronger as they once did.

Some of the gems found in these pages are the difference between productivity and fruitfulness. “Productivity results from all the tasks I accomplish. Fruitfulness comes from within.”

Another is letting go of our false self and all the ways we try to impress others with embracing our true self and the person God created us to be.

How do we embrace the losses we experience as we get older and not become bitter old people? Fryling offers beautiful questions to meditate and respond to at the end of each chapter. These questions alone are worth the time reading the book.

I don’t think there is an age too young to read this book. If you are still in your youth, this book can help you gain perspective on your loved ones who are getting older. Adult children who are helping care for their parents will find this helpful in understanding some of the challenges your parents are facing, and for those of us who are in the later decades of our lives, this book makes the process look more hopeful than it can feel as I hear all the creaks and groans as I stand up in the morning.

[Ms. Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this book would appeal to someone who hasn't thought much about the spiritual side of growing older, I found it a bit shallow and repetitive. There was plenty of good advice of the sort you can find in many psychology books and articles - don't take on too much, let go of the things that you find too difficult now, be happy with what you can do. This was fine. What I didn't like was the fact that it said nothing new. I had hoped for something deeper and more reflective. More thought-provoking and profound. I also hate books that turn into exam type questions at the end of each chapter! I want to read a book, not talk back to it! I am quite capable of thinking up my own topics for reflection, and this part of the book was quite patronising.

But for those readers who have a spirirtual outlook - specifically, who are Christian - and who have given little attention to what their life will be like as they age, it would be a good introduction to the subject.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is no road map for aging. Everything we have ever known is changing, some for the better, some for the not so good. Our bodies may start to let us down, the retirement we so longed for may not be all it's cracked up to be. Our relationships with others can be fraught with concerns. Older people who we have looked up to as role models have died or are dying or struggling with dementia. So how do we make our way through this morass?

Fryling's book addresses many of these issues, not sugar coating them, but speaking compassionately about them. She herself is in the midst of these issues and she shares the journey with us. She believes God is still inviting us to continue to do and be part of the world and part of His plan for each of us.

I received an e-ARC from NetGalley and Tyndale House Publishers, NavPress, in exchange for a review.

[Rachelle Sperling · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am definitly not the demographic for this book with the target audience being in their 60s, 70s and 80s. However, with the impact of long-Covid and watching those I love in older generations age I found myself curious to see what Alice would say about aging faithfully.

With a focus on transformation there was a lot that was applicable to my own life. I find I’ve been reflecting a great deal on her question of what it looks like to let go of what we are losing.

If you are curious about how to receive the reality of aging as a gift rather than a curse, this book might be for you. Even at 48 it gave me plenty to think about.

I received a free digital galley of this book to read in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fryling has offered us a helpful book and spiritual guide to the process of aging in light of its challenges, losses, and fears. As I am entering these later years, she invites us readers to avoid denying these hurdles. Instead, she urges us to embrace the opportunity to continue growing and learning, welcome the occasion to live fruitful lives rather that striving to maintain our value through productivity, and walk alongside those older than us and also seek the companionship of others in our own journeys. Fryling is a gentle spiritual director in all of this, not scolding us into right thinking (“You shouldn’t be afraid”) instead to acknowledging the realities we are experiencing—Evangelical Christians can be very good at this shaming trick.

[Dorothy Greco · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the publisher's description: "In Aging Faithfully, spiritual director Alice Fryling explores how to navigate the journey of retirement, lifestyle changes, and new limitations. In this season of life, we are invited to hold both grief and hope, to acknowledge ways of thinking that no longer represent who we are, and to receive peace in the midst of our fears." She's encouraging readers to view aging through a growth mindset, specifically growth toward God and into more maturity spiritually. How can we view the losses as an invitation to move closer to God and others who journey with us? It’s a short, encouraging book.

[Debra Kornfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book, and expect to refer to it often. Fryling address the challenges and opportunities of aging from her own experience and offers positive, hope-filled, practical suggestions for how to make the most of this phase of life. I read the book slowly, responding to the thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter, and profited from doing so.

This is a great book to discuss with others going through the same challenges. It also offers helpful categories and vocabulary for communicating with family members about the particular joys and needs older people may have. Highly recommend!

[Sheila · Rating 3 out of 5]

There wasn't anything new or enlightening in this book. Alice Fryling, an aging spiritual director and author, addresses numerous issues we face as we grow older. I can definitely relate. The book does make you reflect on physical, emotional, relational changes that occur during the aging process. I didn't agree with all aspects of her doctrinal beliefs. My takeaway is: We should accept these changes. Don't expect to be able to do everything you once could. Draw close to God. Make the most of the rest of your life.

[Libby · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this an uneven read. Fryling had insights that drew me deeper into how God is present in our aging, while at other times, her approach seemed overly simplistic. Part of my lack of connection may be that her intended audience is a bit older. Since I'm not yet retired, I didn't connect with first chapter, which was all about handling retirement. Since I know many older people who are not retiring, I wish she'd presented that reality from the beginning. A book I'm glad I read once but not one I'll read again.

[Susan Henn · Rating 5 out of 5]

4/2023 In this book Alice Fryling, a Spiritual Director, shares wisdom she has gleaned from her work and her own experiences concerning the journey into the later years of life. I plan to revisit the 81 notes I underlined in the book and to think further on many of the ideas and issues she shared. As I've entered my later years and have been confronted with various types of losses, this book may help me wrestle with those issues. I hope it will also help me to help others along the path of aging as well. Lots of wisdom in the book!

[Peggy Rice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing book - I devoured it!
I'm 61 years old, but so many of the things the author addresses are things I'm already thinking about or experiencing. I felt like I identified with every other sentence!
I also appreciated the Appendices at the end. The section for adults with aging parents: I was thinking of my folks as I was reading (besides of myself). And I have a single friend who has been on my heart a lot lately, and the Appendix about aging singles was very helpful to me.
Thank you for writing this book!

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting read. I'm 51 and starting to think of retirement in about 12 years and my mom who is 89 lives with us during the winters. I tend to get busy with work and our grandkids but I want to be more aware of what Mom might be feeling and be more available for her when she visits soon. This was a good read in preparation of her winter return.

Thank you Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review. All opinions are my own.

Published 7 December 2021.

[Tom Funk · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a thoughtful, humble and concise reflection on how Christians can view the work of God in their lives as they grow older. This is a subject I have either ignored or dreaded thinking about.But now that I’m nearing retirement and many that I teach and journey with at church are farther down the path than I am, it felt like something I should give some time to. I’m glad I did. Her thoughts about finding your true self when the limitations of age force you to let go of some of the false impressions of who you thought you wanted to be, and who the world wanted you to be hit home. Seeing each phase of life as a new birth was a refreshing insight in a culture that whispers and shouts to us that only youth is worth having.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a lovely book about growing in your Christian faith as a senior. It is written by a spiritual director so has many practical ideas on spiritual practices. It is addressed both to those who are seniors and to those who care for seniors. It is written in a very gentle and loving style that is warm and inviting. It is encouraging to know that as we draw closer to death, we can draw closer to God, with whom we will spend eternity.

[Kathryn Brod · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated that the author approaches the subject of aging more than she speaks to the topic of retirement. She provides thoughtful questions for reflection and discussion, and I look forward to spending more time on her recommendations for personal meditation. We are all aging… this book has value for individuals of all ages, as the author probes the matter of our hearts in the aging process, not how we keep our bodies fit.