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I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants): Finding Unfiltered, Real-Life Friendships in This Crazy, Chaotic World
There are few things that can feel more challenging than making friends as an adult. Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston address common obstacles to true connection and offer a confessional, hilarious, and practical guide for building friendships in the middle of this crazy, rollercoaster life.
If you've ever wondered why it seems like such a struggle to make and maintain friendships as an adult--it's not just you. The number of Americans who claim to have no close friends has drastically increased over the last few decades. Loneliness doesn't care what age you are, how many Instagram followers you have, or where you call home. It doesn't care how put together you appear to the outside world. Women have a collective wound that only authentic sisterhood can heal.
In I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants), Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston, creators of the popular online community Sister, I Am With You, offer an-easy-to-follow road map to the place we all desperately want to be--standing beside other women who see us, know us, and love us for who we truly are. With hilariously relatable vulnerability and actionable steps we can all take today to build deep and satisfying friendships, Amy and Jess show us how to
break free from unhealthy habits that block us from connection;
find the confidence to live freely and without fear of rejection; and
intentionally pursue friends in everyday life.
I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) won't talk down to us, or boss us around. It won't give clich� or empty advice that leaves us feeling even more discouraged than before. This book will snuggle up beside us, grab a fuzzy blanket, and say Let me show you how to do it. I've been there too. It's hard, but it's not impossible, and it's so much better together.
If you've ever wondered why it seems like such a struggle to make and maintain friendships as an adult--it's not just you. The number of Americans who claim to have no close friends has drastically increased over the last few decades. Loneliness doesn't care what age you are, how many Instagram followers you have, or where you call home. It doesn't care how put together you appear to the outside world. Women have a collective wound that only authentic sisterhood can heal.
In I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants), Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston, creators of the popular online community Sister, I Am With You, offer an-easy-to-follow road map to the place we all desperately want to be--standing beside other women who see us, know us, and love us for who we truly are. With hilariously relatable vulnerability and actionable steps we can all take today to build deep and satisfying friendships, Amy and Jess show us how to
break free from unhealthy habits that block us from connection;
find the confidence to live freely and without fear of rejection; and
intentionally pursue friends in everyday life.
I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) won't talk down to us, or boss us around. It won't give clich� or empty advice that leaves us feeling even more discouraged than before. This book will snuggle up beside us, grab a fuzzy blanket, and say Let me show you how to do it. I've been there too. It's hard, but it's not impossible, and it's so much better together.
220 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 25, 2022
790 people are currently reading
7127 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 388 reviews
February 1, 2022
Just the book I needed to read right now.
I must admit that I struggle with adult friendships, big time. It's so much simpler when the kids are small and you can get to know other adults through their activities and school. That's not to say that finding friends is easy at any stage of adult life, but I'm finding the empty nesting stage to be
an incredibly challenging time.
This new book from bloggers Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston addresses the issue of adult friendships, insecurity, being left out, when it's time to part ways with a friend, among many other things. The tone and writing is conversational and very real, letting the reader know that they are not alone in the struggle to connect with others. There is a great deal of practical advice that had me in tears because I recognized the longing for close friendships in my life. The book challenged me to keep putting myself out there, regardless of my insecurity and feeling like it will never happen for me.
This is a valuable book for women looking to forge adult friendships.
Updated to add: This book is written from a distinctly Christian perspective and worldview.
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own.
I must admit that I struggle with adult friendships, big time. It's so much simpler when the kids are small and you can get to know other adults through their activities and school. That's not to say that finding friends is easy at any stage of adult life, but I'm finding the empty nesting stage to be
an incredibly challenging time.
This new book from bloggers Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston addresses the issue of adult friendships, insecurity, being left out, when it's time to part ways with a friend, among many other things. The tone and writing is conversational and very real, letting the reader know that they are not alone in the struggle to connect with others. There is a great deal of practical advice that had me in tears because I recognized the longing for close friendships in my life. The book challenged me to keep putting myself out there, regardless of my insecurity and feeling like it will never happen for me.
This is a valuable book for women looking to forge adult friendships.
Updated to add: This book is written from a distinctly Christian perspective and worldview.
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own.
January 10, 2022
I almost didn't finish this book, but I'm glad I did. The first three chapters have way TMI and seem to focus way too much on the negatives of why we don't have close friendships. We know the problem already. That's why we picked up the book. But I'm glad I continued on, because even though the last few chapters had a lot of fluff, the middle chapters had some good applicable ideas. This book is definitely not for everyone, but it has some good nuggets for those who are looking for more or deeper friendships.
Favorite quotes:
“Sometimes the friendship is worth the fight, and sometimes it’s time to let it go. The important thing is that we don’t give up. There is always hope, even if it doesn’t come in the package we expected.” (Jess Johnston, p. 176)
“You’ll always find what you’re looking for. Listen up. If you expect people to reject you, fail you, or be mean and hurtful, you’re going to find what you’re looking for … Learn to look for the good—really, really look for it—and you’re most likely going to find what you’re looking for.” (Jess Johnston, p. 178)
“So go into a new friendship expecting it to be kinda weird at first.” (Jess Johnston, p. 179)
(I received a copy for free from the publisher. I was not compensated for this review. All opinions are my own, as was the decision to write this review.)
Favorite quotes:
“Sometimes the friendship is worth the fight, and sometimes it’s time to let it go. The important thing is that we don’t give up. There is always hope, even if it doesn’t come in the package we expected.” (Jess Johnston, p. 176)
“You’ll always find what you’re looking for. Listen up. If you expect people to reject you, fail you, or be mean and hurtful, you’re going to find what you’re looking for … Learn to look for the good—really, really look for it—and you’re most likely going to find what you’re looking for.” (Jess Johnston, p. 178)
“So go into a new friendship expecting it to be kinda weird at first.” (Jess Johnston, p. 179)
(I received a copy for free from the publisher. I was not compensated for this review. All opinions are my own, as was the decision to write this review.)
June 23, 2022
I applaud the message of this book and gleaned some beautiful thoughts on friendship from it.
However, the constant descriptive sentences about laundry, junk food, chipped nail polish, crusty hair, ugly crying, or whatever other slightly unseemly thing that might come up when you know someone well, got very old very quickly.
It felt like it could have been a sweet blog post, encouraging women to be honest, vulnerable, encouraging, and persistent in friendships.
But it wasn't a blog post, it was a highly repetitive 224 page book.
However, the constant descriptive sentences about laundry, junk food, chipped nail polish, crusty hair, ugly crying, or whatever other slightly unseemly thing that might come up when you know someone well, got very old very quickly.
It felt like it could have been a sweet blog post, encouraging women to be honest, vulnerable, encouraging, and persistent in friendships.
But it wasn't a blog post, it was a highly repetitive 224 page book.
June 9, 2021
I received an advance copy of this book courtesy of the publisher.
This has to be one of the most delightful books I've had the pleasure of working on in my career as an editor. In I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston, friends and founders of the site Sister I Am with You, tackle the topic of adult female friendship in a raw, unfiltered, and blissfully encouraging way.
Throughout the book, you'll have the pleasure of reading chapters that alternate between each author's voice and perspective as they share their different—yet painfully relatable—experiences with striving to forge authentic bonds with other women. Unafraid to tackle the hard stuff, they discuss moments of being excluded, friend breakups, trying to find friends in a new city, and realizing that you have been the bad friend—and how to recover from all of these mishaps, get back out there, and keep seeking the genuine connection we all crave.
Perhaps this book resonated so strongly with me because I moved across the country during the COVID-19 pandemic and am still struggling to meet "my people," but I truly believe that the wisdom in these pages would benefit any woman in any season of her life. You'll come for the tips and stay for the affirming feeling of being seen, known, and acknowledged in your friendship struggles. And maybe, like me, you'll feel brave enough by the end to get out and try, try again!
This has to be one of the most delightful books I've had the pleasure of working on in my career as an editor. In I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston, friends and founders of the site Sister I Am with You, tackle the topic of adult female friendship in a raw, unfiltered, and blissfully encouraging way.
Throughout the book, you'll have the pleasure of reading chapters that alternate between each author's voice and perspective as they share their different—yet painfully relatable—experiences with striving to forge authentic bonds with other women. Unafraid to tackle the hard stuff, they discuss moments of being excluded, friend breakups, trying to find friends in a new city, and realizing that you have been the bad friend—and how to recover from all of these mishaps, get back out there, and keep seeking the genuine connection we all crave.
Perhaps this book resonated so strongly with me because I moved across the country during the COVID-19 pandemic and am still struggling to meet "my people," but I truly believe that the wisdom in these pages would benefit any woman in any season of her life. You'll come for the tips and stay for the affirming feeling of being seen, known, and acknowledged in your friendship struggles. And maybe, like me, you'll feel brave enough by the end to get out and try, try again!
February 17, 2022
First let me say, I really enjoy Amy Weatherly's social posts. I think she often hits the nail on the head and speaks lots of truth. Unfortunately, this book wasn't quite what I expected. It felt a bit culturally insensitive, as if it were only written for White middle to upper-class women from conservative Christian backgrounds who are at the very early stages of deconstruction. The repetitive discussion on the importance of authenticity and friendship are not a new concept and I didn't feel this book introduced any new ideas. Overall, I was disappointed.
May 10, 2022
0.5★: DON’T LET THIS BOOK’S GR RATINGS FOOL YOU!!! Today, this book has a 4.3-star rating by 860 people, but please don’t make the same mistakes I did! The catchy title and convincing description do NOT make-up for (1) lack of sales, (2) lack of credentialed authors, or (3) the lack of substance. It was published in January of this year (2022) and as of today, does not have any solid reviews by reputable reviewers (i.e. Kirkus, NY Journal of Books, Library Journal, The Guardian, or Literary Hub). It DOES have a one-paragraph “review” by Publishers Weekly that is 82% summary and 30 words review and really only addresses the authors’ upbeat attitude and sunny disposition -- NOT the content. It does hint at it being for “young women” and I would clarify that further to Christian 20-somethings. I only say Christian because their publisher is Christian and they throw 'God' around a lot. I now know better than to read anything by first-time authors who are “bloggers-turned-friends.” They are not any more relationship or friendship experts than you or I. Maybe you are more of an expert if you’re older than 35. They narrate the audio version, and WARNING! if you are irritated by Valley Girl speak (a.k.a. “uptalk,”) don’t do this book. Yes, they’ve been successful in terms of social media followers, but that doesn’t parlay into credentials for serious non-fiction. If you are a midlife working mom trying to keep strong connections with your existing friends or make new ones -- this book is not for you. I don’t intend age discrimination, but life stage discrimination? YES, it matters. What shocked me after reading the book was discovering that one of the authors has three kids and the other has four -- they could’ve included stories about the integration of family with friends, and how to navigate those competing commitments! Nothing, nada. I’m guessing the book assumes you already follow their blog? The description also says this book “won’t give cliché or empty advice” but it lies. It also lies about anyone being hilarious. One of the authors hits hard on loneliness as a driving force for finding and making friends, and it came off as very needy or clingy. One of them also comes off as very materialistic. At one point, they talk about giving compliments and it just seems so inauthentic and forced. YUCK! I regret not writing this review sooner (I finished the book 12 days ago) because I’ve already forgotten the other things that were off-putting. Somewhere in the book, they quote a “study” and it was evident they’ve gone the sad way of the younger Internet generations (what my elder generations might call young whipper snappers lol) who don’t know that single studies are garbage. You won’t find interviews with people who’ve been friends for 10+ years in this book, nor will you find real research or science. Their Facebook page was launched on June 17, 2019. Their 'Sister, I am with You' LLC in Texas was started on November 20, 2020. On page 6, they say “We (Amy and Jess) met three years ago.” One lives in Texas, the other in California. This book is based on a 3-year online friendship!
WHAT DO AMY AND JESS KNOW?! Bloggers Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston know that (1) it’s important for women to empower other women, (2) adult friendships are important, (3) adult friendships require maintenance, and (4) marketing is important. For that and their great intentions, they get half a star.
READ THESE INSTEAD... For adult friendship books from experienced authors based on real research, I recommend Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close which I gave 4★'s and How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community which I gave 5★'s. Both were published in 2020.
WHAT DO AMY AND JESS KNOW?! Bloggers Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston know that (1) it’s important for women to empower other women, (2) adult friendships are important, (3) adult friendships require maintenance, and (4) marketing is important. For that and their great intentions, they get half a star.
READ THESE INSTEAD... For adult friendship books from experienced authors based on real research, I recommend Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close which I gave 4★'s and How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community which I gave 5★'s. Both were published in 2020.
December 26, 2021
I received an advanced copy from the publisher and absolutely enjoyed this book. I just felt what Amy and Jess were describing. It’s so relatable. Their writing feeling like your in conversation with them and it was so enjoyable. I loved that there was a lot of great applications and advice. It definitely felt like there was a purpose to this book and learning to be a good, genuine friend was it. I’d definitely suggest giving this a read!
February 2, 2022
Disclosure: I received an ARC via #NetGalley & a member of the book launch team. I purchased a copy and reread it looking for further connection to one of the authors that maybe I missed in the digital ARC which was distracting… I didn’t find what I was looking for in the reread.
Favorite Quote from book: Becoming isn’t an easy thing. (Amy Weatherly)
Chapter 10 was my favorite chapter - I highlighted pretty much all of it. This book was a tough read. That’s about as honest as I can get without breaking down sobbing. Sad tears. Healing tears. Hopeful tears. I will admit - it was tough to give this 5 stars. It deserves it - but this book was hard! Did I mention that? It got extremely confrontational with my own loneliness & held no mercy as it held a mirror up to why that is. I love how raw and humble Amy is.
I struggled connecting with Jess in her chapters. They honestly left me feeling worse. She sort of connected with me in chapter 11. But this book dragged out my loneliness and put a spotlight on it. And Jess, often referred to many friends with years of friendships. And then tell us how she did it. But she didn’t come across to me - in the book - as someone who struggled with making friends or being lonely. I am not staying she hasn’t been lonely, i just never really felt she got vulnerable about it in her book. She just held that at an arm’s length away and I didn’t feel like she ever got real with it & I’ve seen her get real with it on social media. I felt like I showed up to meet her for this heart to heart convo via her book and her heart was edited out of it. I felt like it was written from her head, from behind a wall she had up. It was just really hard to connect with her in a book connecting to loneliness and struggle with making friends when she kept referring to the amazing friends she’s had show up in her life. And that was in sharp contrast with Amy’s chapters. I just feel like Jess could have been more real and vulnerable. She alienated me rather than connected to me. However, there are people out there who don’t like that deep, get real, vulnerable stuff so they may find her chapters as a reprieve from Amy’s chapters.
Amy, on the other hand, was right there with me being vulnerable, getting real in her chapters … so I didn’t feel so alone as I struggled with some hard hitting realizations.
I think both perspectives from the authors gives this book a wider appeal as far as audience goes & I think given the times we live in, the world needs that. When I watched their interview on Good Morning America, both authors came across to me exactly how I perceived them in the book. Jess seemed to have a wall up - and Amy showed up all in. So it may just be a personality thing. I can’t put my finger on it.
So I’m not going to penalize this book any stars because of the struggles it brought up for me or a personality collision with one of the authors. I think that’s exactly why it deserves the 5 stars.
This has great information and offers hope that it’s not too late to create the space you carry with you and put yourself out there and invite others in. It does not leave you hanging! The only thing I felt like was left out that needed a place in there was a paragraph about what kind of people to invest in. I think it should be noted that it’s also important to be that kind of person as well. It’s important enough I don’t think it should be left unsaid. It’s the only thing I found lacking aside from my inability to connect with one of the authors.
I have preordered a hard copy of the book, plan to get the study guide & host a casual book club that starts with this book.
Favorite Quote from book: Becoming isn’t an easy thing. (Amy Weatherly)
Chapter 10 was my favorite chapter - I highlighted pretty much all of it. This book was a tough read. That’s about as honest as I can get without breaking down sobbing. Sad tears. Healing tears. Hopeful tears. I will admit - it was tough to give this 5 stars. It deserves it - but this book was hard! Did I mention that? It got extremely confrontational with my own loneliness & held no mercy as it held a mirror up to why that is. I love how raw and humble Amy is.
I struggled connecting with Jess in her chapters. They honestly left me feeling worse. She sort of connected with me in chapter 11. But this book dragged out my loneliness and put a spotlight on it. And Jess, often referred to many friends with years of friendships. And then tell us how she did it. But she didn’t come across to me - in the book - as someone who struggled with making friends or being lonely. I am not staying she hasn’t been lonely, i just never really felt she got vulnerable about it in her book. She just held that at an arm’s length away and I didn’t feel like she ever got real with it & I’ve seen her get real with it on social media. I felt like I showed up to meet her for this heart to heart convo via her book and her heart was edited out of it. I felt like it was written from her head, from behind a wall she had up. It was just really hard to connect with her in a book connecting to loneliness and struggle with making friends when she kept referring to the amazing friends she’s had show up in her life. And that was in sharp contrast with Amy’s chapters. I just feel like Jess could have been more real and vulnerable. She alienated me rather than connected to me. However, there are people out there who don’t like that deep, get real, vulnerable stuff so they may find her chapters as a reprieve from Amy’s chapters.
Amy, on the other hand, was right there with me being vulnerable, getting real in her chapters … so I didn’t feel so alone as I struggled with some hard hitting realizations.
I think both perspectives from the authors gives this book a wider appeal as far as audience goes & I think given the times we live in, the world needs that. When I watched their interview on Good Morning America, both authors came across to me exactly how I perceived them in the book. Jess seemed to have a wall up - and Amy showed up all in. So it may just be a personality thing. I can’t put my finger on it.
So I’m not going to penalize this book any stars because of the struggles it brought up for me or a personality collision with one of the authors. I think that’s exactly why it deserves the 5 stars.
This has great information and offers hope that it’s not too late to create the space you carry with you and put yourself out there and invite others in. It does not leave you hanging! The only thing I felt like was left out that needed a place in there was a paragraph about what kind of people to invest in. I think it should be noted that it’s also important to be that kind of person as well. It’s important enough I don’t think it should be left unsaid. It’s the only thing I found lacking aside from my inability to connect with one of the authors.
I have preordered a hard copy of the book, plan to get the study guide & host a casual book club that starts with this book.
February 13, 2023
Thank you NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest opinion.
This is a book that can speak directly to your soul. This book addresses the topic of loneliness when it comes to friendships. Talk about a book that comes in time that you need to hear for yourself. The part of you locked away so no one can see the pain of the loneliness you feel. Seeing those friends that are getting together that you weren’t invited to. Feeling like no one likes you for you. It is all in here in this book. Raw and real.
The only thing I have against this. And that is more of a personal problem and will not affect the rating of this book. It seems like the people you find and make friends, are women who have kids. Now this may be my general perception, but I feel there is a friendship gap between women with or without kids. Not saying that you can’t make friends with women who have kids, but I tend to see a trend of that and it is discouraging. Even in the book you see the author start to make friends but it is in the stage of life where she has kids and they find a commonality over that. I don’t want to have kids because I want friendship but it is sad that is what I see and struggle with it.
Even though that is my perception, I do feel that this book has so much information that can be applied to many different stages of life. Amy and Jess give you tips on how to let your guard down and be vulnerable, learn to stop being a people pleaser and love yourself, show how to be the one to find the women that are lonely, and learn to deal and forgive issues that arise out of conflict in friendship. With the canceled culture that we live in, it is something that I as a person could learn.
Also, the book touches on a topic that can be a hard one too. Learning to let go of the friendships that are no more. To stop grieving over the loss of a friendship that slowly fell away or was toxic. That it is not you, but part of the ever changing part of life.
There is so much packed in this book that I really cannot write a whole review on this book. This book is only 224 pages but it carries enough wisdom as a 800 page book. I encourage anyone who has this deep heart of loneliness to pick up and just meditate on it. Reread the parts that stick out to you the most and apply it. Just don’t read it, apply it and see if any of it changes in your situation. But also be encouraged if the changes don't happen right away.
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This is a book that can speak directly to your soul. This book addresses the topic of loneliness when it comes to friendships. Talk about a book that comes in time that you need to hear for yourself. The part of you locked away so no one can see the pain of the loneliness you feel. Seeing those friends that are getting together that you weren’t invited to. Feeling like no one likes you for you. It is all in here in this book. Raw and real.
The only thing I have against this. And that is more of a personal problem and will not affect the rating of this book. It seems like the people you find and make friends, are women who have kids. Now this may be my general perception, but I feel there is a friendship gap between women with or without kids. Not saying that you can’t make friends with women who have kids, but I tend to see a trend of that and it is discouraging. Even in the book you see the author start to make friends but it is in the stage of life where she has kids and they find a commonality over that. I don’t want to have kids because I want friendship but it is sad that is what I see and struggle with it.
Even though that is my perception, I do feel that this book has so much information that can be applied to many different stages of life. Amy and Jess give you tips on how to let your guard down and be vulnerable, learn to stop being a people pleaser and love yourself, show how to be the one to find the women that are lonely, and learn to deal and forgive issues that arise out of conflict in friendship. With the canceled culture that we live in, it is something that I as a person could learn.
Also, the book touches on a topic that can be a hard one too. Learning to let go of the friendships that are no more. To stop grieving over the loss of a friendship that slowly fell away or was toxic. That it is not you, but part of the ever changing part of life.
There is so much packed in this book that I really cannot write a whole review on this book. This book is only 224 pages but it carries enough wisdom as a 800 page book. I encourage anyone who has this deep heart of loneliness to pick up and just meditate on it. Reread the parts that stick out to you the most and apply it. Just don’t read it, apply it and see if any of it changes in your situation. But also be encouraged if the changes don't happen right away.
Love my review? Follow me on Goodreads, Instagram or my Blog to get quick updates on my book reviews!
BLOG ⟫ INSTAGRAM ⟫
January 25, 2022
Wow... so much to say but... Wow.
I am a fan of the authors so I was pretty sure I would like this book. However, I didn't realize how much I NEEDED this book. I've always struggled with friendships. I mean, I'm a pretty friendly person and have lots of friends but those REAL, MEANINGFUL relationships that you see portrayed on TV have slipped past me so many times. Amy and Jess speak in honest, loving ways- telling their stories and giving amazing advice as to how to achieve those friendships and WHY we need them. It's made me look at my life and my friendships in a different light. I'm excited to put everything I've learned into practice.
If you have ever watched Friends, Sex and the City, How I Met Your Mother, Buffy, etc. and wished you had those there-no-matter-what friendships, this book will help you on your way. If you have ever felt alone when surrounded by other people because nobody fully GETS you, this book will help you understand why. I highly, highly recommend!
I am a fan of the authors so I was pretty sure I would like this book. However, I didn't realize how much I NEEDED this book. I've always struggled with friendships. I mean, I'm a pretty friendly person and have lots of friends but those REAL, MEANINGFUL relationships that you see portrayed on TV have slipped past me so many times. Amy and Jess speak in honest, loving ways- telling their stories and giving amazing advice as to how to achieve those friendships and WHY we need them. It's made me look at my life and my friendships in a different light. I'm excited to put everything I've learned into practice.
If you have ever watched Friends, Sex and the City, How I Met Your Mother, Buffy, etc. and wished you had those there-no-matter-what friendships, this book will help you on your way. If you have ever felt alone when surrounded by other people because nobody fully GETS you, this book will help you understand why. I highly, highly recommend!
November 12, 2022
This book was made for me. Encouraging and hopeful this gives me great direction towards forging the adult friendships I desire.
Lots of great nuggets of wisdom.
FYI I didn’t love the narration and would suggest physical copy so you can take notes and refer back.
Lots of great nuggets of wisdom.
FYI I didn’t love the narration and would suggest physical copy so you can take notes and refer back.
January 27, 2022
Too many unnecessary words and too many (unexpected) references to religion so, sadly, this book was not for me.
July 23, 2022
When I first picked up this book and realized the authors were Christian I was glad, but also slightly worried - PLEASE don't let this be another version of Find Your People by Jennie Allen (also with a yellow cover and in my opinion awful). But, it's not. Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston are obviously Christians, but they are not beating you over the head with it. And they actually have some good tips throughout the book. I liked that they alternated writing chapters and were real with the struggles that come with friendship as adults. They did give some solid, do-able tips (even for introverts) and covered some thorny issues like when a friendship ends or dealing with disagreements/arguments/fights, etc. I liked the book overall and felt like the tone was one of friends chatting. The main thing I didn't like was that they both seem to be part of the "messy mom" trend where you kind of brag about how messy and crazy your life is. I'm sure that's the truth, but that's not my life so I can't relate to that. One of my biggest issues in friendship is that I'm childfree and also a Christian, so in Church circles I've often felt like a circus freak. Many of their examples involved bonding with other mothers who had children close in age to theirs which is all great but not something I can personally relate to or do to find friends. Overall, I did like the book and felt like it did have some decent tips. And while the authors are clearly Christians I think anyone could get something out of this book because that's not the main focus.
February 1, 2022
Engaging, insightful book on friendship
This book provides excellent insight into the intricacies of authentic friendship. Using illustrations from their own lives, the authors shared what they’ve learned about themselves, their friends and relationships along life’s journey. I appreciated their vulnerability, and I believe every reader will relate to many of their personal experiences. I found myself reflecting on my own friendships - the ones that lasted for a season, and the ones that have endured. I thought about how my friendships differ across settings. I have my work friends who are the only ones who can relate to what happens at work. I have my church friends who have been part of my faith journey. I have my neighbors who have lived next door for 20+ years. I have family members who are also my closest friends, who have been my confidants since childhood. I have some girlfriends who are my “soul sisters,” who have stood by me through thick and thin, and I have new friends who I’m just getting to know.
Friendship is complicated, multi-faceted and touches so many parts of our lives in so many different arenas. This book breaks it down beautifully, and it addresses the struggles, the questions and heartaches that so many of us have experienced. I found great comfort, truth and wisdom in this book, and I have already recommended it to my college-age daughter.
I alternately read and listened to it, and I especially enjoyed the narrated version. Hearing the authors’ read their written words allowed me to hear the sincerity in their voices. Their inflection helped me feel the humor, sadness, wistfulness, joy and wisdom in what they were sharing. I bought this on Kindle, but I need a paperback to dog-ear, underline and pull off the shelf when I need a reminder of what it means to be present, to be real and to be accepting with myself and my friends.
This book provides excellent insight into the intricacies of authentic friendship. Using illustrations from their own lives, the authors shared what they’ve learned about themselves, their friends and relationships along life’s journey. I appreciated their vulnerability, and I believe every reader will relate to many of their personal experiences. I found myself reflecting on my own friendships - the ones that lasted for a season, and the ones that have endured. I thought about how my friendships differ across settings. I have my work friends who are the only ones who can relate to what happens at work. I have my church friends who have been part of my faith journey. I have my neighbors who have lived next door for 20+ years. I have family members who are also my closest friends, who have been my confidants since childhood. I have some girlfriends who are my “soul sisters,” who have stood by me through thick and thin, and I have new friends who I’m just getting to know.
Friendship is complicated, multi-faceted and touches so many parts of our lives in so many different arenas. This book breaks it down beautifully, and it addresses the struggles, the questions and heartaches that so many of us have experienced. I found great comfort, truth and wisdom in this book, and I have already recommended it to my college-age daughter.
I alternately read and listened to it, and I especially enjoyed the narrated version. Hearing the authors’ read their written words allowed me to hear the sincerity in their voices. Their inflection helped me feel the humor, sadness, wistfulness, joy and wisdom in what they were sharing. I bought this on Kindle, but I need a paperback to dog-ear, underline and pull off the shelf when I need a reminder of what it means to be present, to be real and to be accepting with myself and my friends.
April 3, 2025
First off, this is a really easy read – you can probably get through it in one sitting.
While some significant parts of this book didn't personally resonate with me, the overall gist of it is what drew me to it: friendship. I've always valued friendship deeply and longed to find people who see it the way I do. Growing up, someone made me feel quite strange and othered when she pointed out that I was way too passionate about friendship. And when you've been made to feel silly about how much something means to you, well, that sticks with you.
So, when I found Jess and Amy and the wonderful community they've created online, I was elated. Although they may not have been very relatable to me – being straight white married moms – their clear love and appreciation for friendship struck a chord with me. I felt seen in a way I hadn't before, and I'll always be grateful to them for that.
I enjoyed this book; it made me laugh, tear up more than I'm willing to admit, and, best of all, reminded me that friendship – good friendship – does matter to some people as much as it does to me, and that I'm not alone. And, well, sometimes little reminders like that are so important.
While some significant parts of this book didn't personally resonate with me, the overall gist of it is what drew me to it: friendship. I've always valued friendship deeply and longed to find people who see it the way I do. Growing up, someone made me feel quite strange and othered when she pointed out that I was way too passionate about friendship. And when you've been made to feel silly about how much something means to you, well, that sticks with you.
So, when I found Jess and Amy and the wonderful community they've created online, I was elated. Although they may not have been very relatable to me – being straight white married moms – their clear love and appreciation for friendship struck a chord with me. I felt seen in a way I hadn't before, and I'll always be grateful to them for that.
I enjoyed this book; it made me laugh, tear up more than I'm willing to admit, and, best of all, reminded me that friendship – good friendship – does matter to some people as much as it does to me, and that I'm not alone. And, well, sometimes little reminders like that are so important.
March 6, 2023
Audiobook - Non-fiction
We want to be known, we want to be seen and we want to be loved as we are, where we are, and with what we have.
This book was written by two blogger moms - Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston - about finding connectedness and friendship as an adult. It is very reminiscent of Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World.
Jess and Amy lay it all out there - their foibles and faux-pas, their doubts and insecurities, their struggles and their successes. Their approach is very realistic and I responded to this format. Are their conclusions revelatory? No - but sharing their own stories made it all feel possible.
We want to be known, we want to be seen and we want to be loved as we are, where we are, and with what we have.
This book was written by two blogger moms - Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston - about finding connectedness and friendship as an adult. It is very reminiscent of Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World.
Jess and Amy lay it all out there - their foibles and faux-pas, their doubts and insecurities, their struggles and their successes. Their approach is very realistic and I responded to this format. Are their conclusions revelatory? No - but sharing their own stories made it all feel possible.
September 16, 2024
I actually decided to DNF this book because 1. It was more centered towards adults 2. Wasn’t very deep 3 repetitive 4. I have another that I would rather read. I am counting as read because I got pretty far in
September 30, 2022
It made me think more of my relationship with others. I really enjoyed it.
July 13, 2022
4.5⭐️
April 3, 2025
This is the best book on adult friendships I have read.
January 20, 2022
I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher. It was an easy read, so relatable, and funny! It’s nice to know you’re not the only one, and reading through this book you’re sure to find yourself in the chapters. The authors are authentic, funny, and give practical tips to make and foster friendships as an adult.
This book definitely made me think (between laughter and thinking it’s not just me), which I think is why I liked it so much. It caused me to think about ways I can include those on the outside, make new connections, etc. It also made me think about times I might not have been the best friend.
Great book!
This book definitely made me think (between laughter and thinking it’s not just me), which I think is why I liked it so much. It caused me to think about ways I can include those on the outside, make new connections, etc. It also made me think about times I might not have been the best friend.
Great book!
December 30, 2021
This.
This is the book I needed when I was dealing with the mean girls in high school.
When I was feeling like I wasn't good enough in college.
When I was a lonely stay-at-home mom with two little ones.
When I was treated poorly by my (now ex-) husband.
When I was starting over in a new town with young kids, and intimidated by everything.
And now, when I'm trying to help my own daughter to feel like she's enough.
This book ...is exactly what I needed.
I am looking forward to sharing this book with my daughter, and my best friend, who will love it as much as I did. Amy and Jess speak directly from their hearts into your heart ... EVERY woman needs to read this book!
This is the book I needed when I was dealing with the mean girls in high school.
When I was feeling like I wasn't good enough in college.
When I was a lonely stay-at-home mom with two little ones.
When I was treated poorly by my (now ex-) husband.
When I was starting over in a new town with young kids, and intimidated by everything.
And now, when I'm trying to help my own daughter to feel like she's enough.
This book ...is exactly what I needed.
I am looking forward to sharing this book with my daughter, and my best friend, who will love it as much as I did. Amy and Jess speak directly from their hearts into your heart ... EVERY woman needs to read this book!
July 18, 2022
3.5 stars
A real, frank discussion about adult friendships and how hard they can be. I loved that these ladies didn't shy away from their Christian values, the ways we sometimes screw up (and need to own it) and most of all- that there's nothing wrong with you. Finding lasting friendships requires work but shouldn't be a complete personality makeover. You have found your people when you can be who you really are without having to feel like you're at an audition every time you hang out.
Content: Clean
A real, frank discussion about adult friendships and how hard they can be. I loved that these ladies didn't shy away from their Christian values, the ways we sometimes screw up (and need to own it) and most of all- that there's nothing wrong with you. Finding lasting friendships requires work but shouldn't be a complete personality makeover. You have found your people when you can be who you really are without having to feel like you're at an audition every time you hang out.
Content: Clean
December 29, 2021
I received an advance copy of this book from the Publisher. What a delight it was to read this book! It felt like Amy and Jess were talking directly to me. Everything they wrote was completely relatable. I think so many women feel the same way but don’t realize that they aren’t alone. I will read this book again and again as a reminder to be intentional with my friendships.
August 22, 2022
There was absolutely no substance to this book. The entire thing felt like one super long introduction chapter. If you want to read a book filled with fluff and platitudes and some just talking about how difficult it is to make friends-then read this. But if you were hoping for some guidance, insight, and practical tips please read something else. This is honestly one of the worst books I have ever read.
March 24, 2022
Read this for my book club and it’s not my jam - way too many religious undertones and the book seems to be for people who are new to an area/looking for new friends. Our group thought it would be more about enjoying female friendships and empowering one another, so it’ll make for an interesting discussion but blah on the book itself.
July 14, 2023
3.5- This book was very relatable and validating. It got more impactful as it went on and provided many great reminders on how to be a good friend, how to find good friends, and how everyone struggles with friendships in some way at some point in their lives. It was also a great reminder to have grace in friendships, not only for your friends, but also for yourself.
The takeaways I found most impactful are as follows:
- [ ] “You can’t only give a pretty version of yourself to your friends and expect to be truly connected. You have to let yourself be truly seen. You can only be loved as much as you’re known.”
- [ ] “Let’s normalize the fact that we are a bunch of imperfect people learning and just doing our best…The truth is that if perfection is the standard for friendship, then not a single one of us will measure up.
- [ ] “Being a good friend does not mean being a perfect friend. It doesn’t mean always knowing the right thing to say or do. It doesn’t mean sacrificing all of your needs to make someone else happy. It doesn’t mean never feeling awkward or unsure. It doesn’t mean being available day or night, 24x7. Being a good friend means being intentional about giving what you can. It means showing up whenever possible.”
- [ ] “When you make a mess, don’t let shame make you hide. Don’t let defensiveness keep you from being soft and open. Don’t brush it under the carpet like a ten thousand pound elephant, ‘cause spoiler alert, it doesn’t go away. To have close friendships we need to clean up our messes. Maybe it was an accident or maybe you did something that was just plain ugly. Either way don’t pull away. Sit on the floor and listen, hash it out, clean up your mess.”
- [ ] “We have to leave space for failure in our friendships. There has to be room for that or the whole thing will be either shallow or doomed….Friendship is messy and ultimately that’s a part of its beauty.”
- [ ] “We have to allow people the freedom to do life their way.”
- [ ] “It’s one thing to feel anger but it’s another thing to live in anger.”
- [ ] “Shaming and blaming won’t help you grow…Blaming is a barrier to understanding others, understanding our own mistakes, and understanding how to make relationships function as well as possible.”
- [ ] For friendships that don’t work out: “Hold your integrity tight. You lost the relationship, but that doesn’t mean you need to lose yourself. Remember who you are and what you believe. Stand on truth and secure yourself to a strong set of morals. Get through this with your head held high and your heart beaming with purity.
- [ ] “Don’t bring your old crap into a new house.”
- [ ] “If we don’t ask the hard questions and if we don’t speak to our friends honestly, how will we grow? If we don’t call one another out once in a while, how will we ever see our blind spots and how will we ever get better at friendship?”
- [ ] “If we have a friend who’s hurt us and we value them, we need to talk to them, not to our other friend that has nothing to do with it. Gossip is a false flag of vulnerability. It feels good to vent but it’s not going to get us any closer to either friend….we have to RSPV ‘no’ to drama and stop the gossip with us.”
The takeaways I found most impactful are as follows:
- [ ] “You can’t only give a pretty version of yourself to your friends and expect to be truly connected. You have to let yourself be truly seen. You can only be loved as much as you’re known.”
- [ ] “Let’s normalize the fact that we are a bunch of imperfect people learning and just doing our best…The truth is that if perfection is the standard for friendship, then not a single one of us will measure up.
- [ ] “Being a good friend does not mean being a perfect friend. It doesn’t mean always knowing the right thing to say or do. It doesn’t mean sacrificing all of your needs to make someone else happy. It doesn’t mean never feeling awkward or unsure. It doesn’t mean being available day or night, 24x7. Being a good friend means being intentional about giving what you can. It means showing up whenever possible.”
- [ ] “When you make a mess, don’t let shame make you hide. Don’t let defensiveness keep you from being soft and open. Don’t brush it under the carpet like a ten thousand pound elephant, ‘cause spoiler alert, it doesn’t go away. To have close friendships we need to clean up our messes. Maybe it was an accident or maybe you did something that was just plain ugly. Either way don’t pull away. Sit on the floor and listen, hash it out, clean up your mess.”
- [ ] “We have to leave space for failure in our friendships. There has to be room for that or the whole thing will be either shallow or doomed….Friendship is messy and ultimately that’s a part of its beauty.”
- [ ] “We have to allow people the freedom to do life their way.”
- [ ] “It’s one thing to feel anger but it’s another thing to live in anger.”
- [ ] “Shaming and blaming won’t help you grow…Blaming is a barrier to understanding others, understanding our own mistakes, and understanding how to make relationships function as well as possible.”
- [ ] For friendships that don’t work out: “Hold your integrity tight. You lost the relationship, but that doesn’t mean you need to lose yourself. Remember who you are and what you believe. Stand on truth and secure yourself to a strong set of morals. Get through this with your head held high and your heart beaming with purity.
- [ ] “Don’t bring your old crap into a new house.”
- [ ] “If we don’t ask the hard questions and if we don’t speak to our friends honestly, how will we grow? If we don’t call one another out once in a while, how will we ever see our blind spots and how will we ever get better at friendship?”
- [ ] “If we have a friend who’s hurt us and we value them, we need to talk to them, not to our other friend that has nothing to do with it. Gossip is a false flag of vulnerability. It feels good to vent but it’s not going to get us any closer to either friend….we have to RSPV ‘no’ to drama and stop the gossip with us.”
January 10, 2022
Just finished reading this fantastic book in anticipation of its launch later this month and it was awesome!
Reading the title of this book made me wish I had it as a resource when my kids were in high school… who am I kidding… I wish I had it as a resource when I was in high school but the most beautiful part of this book was that its not just for young people. People come in and out of our lives for many different reasons and seasons. Some friendships break and leave scars that are difficult to overcome.
Early in life we all learned that “you have to be a friend to make a friend” but once we started school we realized that not all friend groups were equal and just being friendly did not gain you access. I breathed a sign of relief after I graduated from high school because… well high school… until I realized that it doesn’t end with high school. All the same insecurities and social hierarchies were ingrained everywhere else in life and now on social media.
Amy & Jess chose to write this book together because that is the message of the book, “lets not do life alone; lets do it together.” Their respective voices are beautiful counterpoints that compare and contrast throughout the narrative. You feel their respect and love for each other.
They write in a very conversational manner that is inviting and warm. They speak to the very basic nuts and bolts of finding others to do life with and the pursuit of, “The kind of friendship that is safe for big feelings, deep secrets, and laughing so hard you snort.” and to “be the kind of women who hold someone’s struggles and carry someone’s burdens.”
No matter where you are in life this book is a beautiful reminder that friendships grow and change and that we must care for and maintain them.
If you have felt the ache of being on the outside looking in… then read this book.
If you still feel that way…read this book and look for others reading it!
If you have found your tribe count your blessings and…read this book while keeping a lookout for those who have not.
If you find yourself between stages…read this book and be encouraged that you are never alone!
Preorder this book! You can thank me later!
#amreading #illbetherebook #friendship #sweatpants #laughuntilyousnort
Reading the title of this book made me wish I had it as a resource when my kids were in high school… who am I kidding… I wish I had it as a resource when I was in high school but the most beautiful part of this book was that its not just for young people. People come in and out of our lives for many different reasons and seasons. Some friendships break and leave scars that are difficult to overcome.
Early in life we all learned that “you have to be a friend to make a friend” but once we started school we realized that not all friend groups were equal and just being friendly did not gain you access. I breathed a sign of relief after I graduated from high school because… well high school… until I realized that it doesn’t end with high school. All the same insecurities and social hierarchies were ingrained everywhere else in life and now on social media.
Amy & Jess chose to write this book together because that is the message of the book, “lets not do life alone; lets do it together.” Their respective voices are beautiful counterpoints that compare and contrast throughout the narrative. You feel their respect and love for each other.
They write in a very conversational manner that is inviting and warm. They speak to the very basic nuts and bolts of finding others to do life with and the pursuit of, “The kind of friendship that is safe for big feelings, deep secrets, and laughing so hard you snort.” and to “be the kind of women who hold someone’s struggles and carry someone’s burdens.”
No matter where you are in life this book is a beautiful reminder that friendships grow and change and that we must care for and maintain them.
If you have felt the ache of being on the outside looking in… then read this book.
If you still feel that way…read this book and look for others reading it!
If you have found your tribe count your blessings and…read this book while keeping a lookout for those who have not.
If you find yourself between stages…read this book and be encouraged that you are never alone!
Preorder this book! You can thank me later!
#amreading #illbetherebook #friendship #sweatpants #laughuntilyousnort
October 31, 2022
Heads up, this title is published by a Christian publishing house and parts of it have a lot of religious language. Not that this is a bad thing but I borrowed this book from my local library without knowing this information and...uh...it was a surprise. One minute it's talking about the important role friendships have in our lives and the next minute I'm reading that Satan is apparently responsible for our insecurities??? I mean, I feel like that's something we should probably take some responsibility for and maybe not everything needs to be blamed on Satan?
I know I'm being facetious but as someone who is not religious, not a fan of the church, and didn't borrow this book for religious reasons, it was off-putting for it to be such a big part of this book. Still, I wanted to give this book a chance because there were parts that resonated with me. I tried, I really did but I found the only way I could get through this one was by just reading the chapters written by Jess and skipping Amy's. Jess mentions her faith in a way that doesn't overshadow her message while Amy's kept bringing God, Jesus, and Satan too much for my tastes.
Would I recommend it? If you regularly attend bible study then absolutely! This is right your alley. If you are decidedly not Christian then no, there are other books out there on the subject of friendship that are far more welcoming to people of different faith & backgrounds.
I know I'm being facetious but as someone who is not religious, not a fan of the church, and didn't borrow this book for religious reasons, it was off-putting for it to be such a big part of this book. Still, I wanted to give this book a chance because there were parts that resonated with me. I tried, I really did but I found the only way I could get through this one was by just reading the chapters written by Jess and skipping Amy's. Jess mentions her faith in a way that doesn't overshadow her message while Amy's kept bringing God, Jesus, and Satan too much for my tastes.
Would I recommend it? If you regularly attend bible study then absolutely! This is right your alley. If you are decidedly not Christian then no, there are other books out there on the subject of friendship that are far more welcoming to people of different faith & backgrounds.
January 18, 2022
This book is both soul-filling and heart-changing. Jess and Amy do an amazing job swapping off chapters but keeping the flow absolutely seamless. I feel like they are just having a conversation with me on the couch. It's not stuffy or written AT the reader-- it's written as if they are digging into your brain and heart. Adult friendships can be so shallow and difficult, and they have the boldness to call all of that out. I love that they don't give you, as one side of the friendship, an out. It's not just about how other people need to be better friends and the world should be nicer to each other. It's about you working on your heart and mind and habits in order to become a better friend or a friend in the first place. It puts the responsibility both on you and other people, which is so rare in books I have read on this topic. It's real and it's raw and it makes you feel seen and known. Yes, it is geared toward women. But I guarantee you any man could pick this book up and get just as much out of it. I have shared this book idea with everyone I know and proudly attach my name to it on social media and how much it has meant to me already. It's a very easy read, it is not burdensome or clunky. You will laugh, you will cry, you will audibly say "Oh, yes"... Jess and Amy really do a quality job of manifesting so many of the thoughts and feelings we all have. I can't wait to start a book club and share this with other people and break it down further. I really feel that this book is going to be a game changer in the realm of female friendships!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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