Healthy Boundaries: How to Communicate Your Needs, Stop Pleasing People at Your Expense, Start Saying No and Express Yourself Without Feeling Guilty

by Janis Bryans

Do you struggle to set healthy boundaries? Do you feel stuck in situations in which you say yes, but would really like to say no? Would you like to communicate your needs, but feel that you can't and end up putting yourself last? I know how easy it is to fall back into the habit of putting your own needs and feelings last. Maybe you start out with the best intentions to set boundaries. You plan and think about what would be right. Yet, when it’s time to take action, y ou tell “It’s not that bad…” and then end up giving in to a request that doesn’t feel right for you . Having good boundaries is a personal practice. You can develop your “good boundary superpowers” over time. I also know that it’s easy to get off track, to worry about being rejected, hurting the other person and feeling that it’s unsafe to say what you need or want. But think about it… Where has NOT saying no lead you to in the past? What have you unnecessarily endured that later caused you harm? Do you ever find it hard ◆ State your boundaries clearly? ◆ Turn down another person’s requests for your time or attention? ◆ Not feel bad when you don’t respond the way that someone wants you to? ◆ Decide what you want and/or don’t want in a situation? ◆ Know what is right for you? ◆ Say what you need in a compassionate, caring way? Specifically, you will learn ◆ Being aware, in the moment, that there is a boundaries issue. ◆ Identifying what healthy boundaries actually are for you. ◆ The most important boundary to set first. ◆ Your right to honour your own needs. ◆ Setting boundaries without anger, blaming, excuses or apologies. ◆ Saying no without fear of being abandoned and alone. ◆ Creating time and space for your own self. ◆ Developing the skills to set boundaries with kindness and compassion. ◆ How healthy boundaries help us to connect well with others. ◆ The hardest person to set a boundary with. ◆ How much to share (personal info, Intimate things, etc). ◆ Standing your ground when the other person is angry or critical. ◆ When your history of trauma is involved. ◆ Separating the other person’s feelings from your own. ◆ When wanting people to like you stops you from setting boundaries. ◆ Saying no (and yes) without feeling guilty or selfish. ◆ Watching your relationships thrive as you set boundaries you can feel good about. ◆ How introverts can set boundaries. ◆ When people are intrusive and difficult people. ◆ Setting boundaries with yourself. ◆ How to lovingly connect without giving up on your needs. ◆ Clear communication that takes others into account. It doesn’t matter if you’ve taken other courses or just read my books, or if you’re brand new to the world of personal growth. No matter where you are now, this book provides the structure, guidance and support to create powerful, sustainable changes to the way that you handle boundaries. If you want a straightforward, step-by-step process that you can use to be consistent with your boundaries, to feel less guilt, frustration or fear; If you want to finally know what you need and how to ask for it in a way that works for you, then the Healthy Boundaries survival-course is for you.

138 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 1, 2021

Reviews

[Molly Connor · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was my first stab at reading a book like this and I just wasn’t into it. Not specific enough, lots of generalities.

[Bonni · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a helpful guide to why physical, social, and emotional boundaries are important, how people violate those boundaries, and what to do to assert and hold clear boundaries. The prose is list-driven with few practical examples. Case studies and role plays would be helpful additions. Some of the language is abrasive and assumes the worst of intentions of boundary-breakers, which I don't think is always the case. An aggressive or defensive response to boundary violations is unlikely to get positive results. I prefer Nedra Glover Tawwab's book, "Set Boundaries, Find Peace."

[Sadie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book gives a good overview of boundaries but mostly uses lists to present different aspects of the topic. It felt like the author was skipping rocks over the surface instead of really diving in. But maybe this was meant to be more of a quick introduction or a reference book instead of a book that really teaches the concepts with discussion and examples. It is a quick read.

[Jodee Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent Information

This book gives us lots of usable information on say no. Women in particular are people pleasers and have a hard time turning people down even when it’s not a workable situation. This author’s ideas and suggestions are very helpful.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 🌟 Unfinished
Borrowed the audiobook and didn't manage to finish it but the word "boundaries" was just much too repetitive for my enjoyment to bother finishing it.
Maybe reading would be better for me.

[Michelle (driftingsong) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short book but has a lot of great information on boundary setting.

[Kristi Eldridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book

It was easy to read and explained things in an easy way. Not a bunch of fancy terms. Highly recommend

[Sarah Dahl · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are a lot of great ideas in here. I found a lot of repetition and a few too many lists. I like lists, but not a book with mostly lists.