Don’t Ask Me About My Dad: A Memoir of Love, Hate and Hope

by Tom Mitchelson

Growing up with him was like being in my own war zone, living in perpetual fear of when the bombs would fall. I was terrified of becoming him, and in moments I could feel I might. He still lives within me grimly like some battered demon spright. And I’m fearful of his shadow. The rage, and his blood. There are some moments when he arrives and I want to tear up the whole world with my bare hands, and all I really want is love. I want him away now. Please. Just go. 
 
In this extraordinary memoir,  Tom Mitchelson offers a deeply moving story of hope and love triumphing over adversity. It is gripping account of what it’s like for a child to grow up in an explosively violent home and explores the enormously complicated relationship Tom had with his dad, well into adulthood.  Tom grew up with identical triplet sisters and they would watch as their dad would abuse their mum, shouting obscenities in her face, brutally drag her around the house and inflict other unspeakable cruelties. It went on for years and the family never told a soul.   Tom knew his dad was a monster, yet he loved him. He was both friend and foe. Someone to fear and at the same time someone Tom felt he had to defend. When Tom became the protegee of his comprehensive school teacher, that story too turned dark.   Tom followed a career in comedy and undercover journalism and it was only after his father’s death, and becoming a father himself, that he could begin to face up to his past, leading him on a powerful journey of self-discovery.   Don’t Ask Me About My Dad  is an inspirational story of our time: a rare account by someone from a deprived background speaking about the complexities of a defining relationship and finding the restorative power of fatherhood, resilience and, ultimately, how the truth can set you free.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

304 pages, Hardcover

Published March 31, 2022

Reviews

[Natacake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book comes with trigger warnings for physical and sexual abuse.

I devoured this book. I would have read it in one sitting if I’d of had the time. This must have been a difficult but healing book to write. Although no family is perfect I have taken for granted how safe and loved I felt in my childhood. Tom tells us about his abusive dad and his experience of being groomed by a teacher. Although having experienced a difficult childhood, Tom has excelled in adult life to be a great father himself. I would thoroughly recommend.

[Esther Bultitude · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tom Mitchelson’s memoir ‘Don’t ask me about my Dad’ is a compelling read about a troubled childhood (troubled is a bit of an understatement to be honest) and his relationship with his father and subsequently his family and other supposed role models he encountered.

As I live in the town that he grew up I found it easy to picture the scenes he was describing - I had friends that went to the same senior school as him and I used to ride my loaned horse over the fields and farmland he described. It really took me down memory lane.

It did make me wonder for a moment if he was one of the lads my friend and I used to chat to over the fields - us on our horses and them being boys!

It was one of those books, traumatic as it was, that I couldn’t put down. I’m not one for non fiction usually, but sometimes a memoir connects with you and all you can do is keep reading.

[Miss Lorna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in 37 hours. I just couldn’t put it down. So what, you say? Well, from someone who used to be a voracious reader but who now struggles to read two books a year (I always get to chapter six and then get bored, lazy and irritated) this is quite an accomplishment by the author! Well written, honest and easy to read autobiography of a turbulent abusive childhood. Tom writes openly, engaging the reader from the start. The subjects of abuse are hard topics to tackle but you feel the author comes out the winner at the end, regardless of what happens to his abusers. At the risk of sounding clichéed, it is gripping, soul-wrenching and at times heartbreaking. And I choose these words carefully. However, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders by the end of the book, having gone through the journey of tom’s childhood with him. Absolutely loved tom’s writing style. Nothing irritated me. Would happily recommend. Most importantly, I got past chapter six!

[Guy Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gripping and moving look into how abusive family relationships play out. How the abused resist and get damaged but also show love for their dangerous, cruel, manipulative but also at times sympathetic abusers. This book is enthralling and tragic but also at times funny and huge hearted. It made me think of Shuggie Bain another story of abuse and neglect in a family which won the Booker Prize but I found Don't Ask Me About My Dad to be a better read, tighter and more engaging. Glad the author had the bravery to tell his story - society needs to see how common these kinds of relationships can be so we can be better prepared to notice the abusers, limit the damage and overcome abuse with

[Zia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic page-turner, always interesting, occasionally horrific but managing to steer clear of the misery memoir. I have sent copies to several friends because most of them had or knew someone where a dominant, power/control parent terrorised their youth. For me, there was a relatability to the themes even though the author got it worse than most. He has that journo style so its sharply edited and low on flowery descriptions which makes the pace fast - however there is plenty of ruminations and detail to evoke the atmosphere. I really loved this book

[Olwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a difficult read, initially. The details of what happened in the author's early life. But the later chapters are much easier to read, as he works his way through the confusion of mixed feelings to reconcilie his past. Thoroughly recommended if you want to understand better what it feels like to grow up in an environment of chaotic family violence, and the impact this has on life and later relationships.

[Chloë Fowler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclosure: I was at University with Tom, we weren't close but were friendly. Haven't seen him in over a decade. I will get in touch with him now.

But good on you, Tom, and anyone else who chooses to confront their demons, any which way. I'm glad life is better now.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compelling autobiography detailing a painful and challenging upbringing.

[Alastair · Rating 5 out of 5]

This moving memoir starts off like Knausgaard but is closer to Blake Morrison in its emotional economy.

[Joy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Instesting book

[Joe Banks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shocking, compelling and inspiring

[Julie Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly touching account of growing up in a dysfunctional household, where domestic violence and abuse is part of everyday life. I tore through the pages. Highly recommended.

[Kara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely incredibly written. Couldn’t put the book down!!! Highly recommend reading this beautiful & honest & raw memoir

[Jeanette Dahl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read

[Emma Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting read 3.5 stars 🤩

[Darren Crispin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful and thought provoking. Highly recommended.

[Gail murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

What one young boy witnessed no child should see sadly this will always happen . Good read well written .

[annmarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Took me a while.to get into this book but once I did I couldn't put it down

[Sarah Penny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow amazing read. Heart-felt and honest. Highly recommend