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A Single Revolution: Don't look for a match. Light one.
Shani Silver is not an advocate for singlehood. She’s an advocate for single women feeling good while single—and there’s a difference.A Single Revolution is one book for single women that won’t approach you like you’re unfinished. It’s for those who are exhausted, frustrated, confused, or angry—who want relationships but don’t deserve to be miserable in the meantime. A grueling dating grind isn’t a prerequisite for partnership. You can be happily single and still meet someone—that’s allowed. It’s possible to value your single time so much that you refuse to give it up for anything less than the amazing relationships you deserve. It’s also possible to stop searching for them so relentlessly that you ignore every other aspect of your valid, beautiful life. This isn’t a book about dating. It’s a book about living. You can choose how you feel about being single. You can choose to feel wrong, or you can choose to feel free. A Single Revolution isn’t about changing yourself—it’s about changing your mind.
296 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 26, 2021
99 people are currently reading
1271 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews
December 20, 2021
If you’re single and unhappy or dating and swiping and just feel hopeless, you have to read this book. Shani is an incredible writer and her perspective on single life is everything.
January 26, 2023
This is another book which I have not finished but am choosing to put away. I think the reason I have struggled with this book is because I am incredibly happy and for-filled as a single person. I have been on the other side - a 5 year relationship- and so relish the ability to do absolutely anything I want. I can go to sleep when I want to, go to the beach when I want to, eat and drink what I want. Freedom which I felt I did not have way back. I also fucking love my life and don’t feel like I am missing something for not having a partner.
A lot of this book is trying to lift up those who struggle with their singleton (as the author calls it).
What I have found comforting is that we all find it annoying that people constantly question us about our dating, tell us arg it’s hard out there isn’t it, or have you tried online dating. You do get shunted with the mattress on the floor… while the couples have their double beds and ensuites. And sometimes don’t get invited to things because it’s a “couple event”.
What I have read has been interesting to keep in mind for when I do have a partner one day… a reminder for how I go on to treat those who may be single at that time.
I have also found the conversation around matching up with someone a pinnacle moment in life verrryyyy interesting. That one’s worthiness revolves around a ring the finger. But that is society …! And there isn’t much we can do about it.
I have never been asked if I am dating someone as much as I have these past two months. And I think to myself so that the most interesting thing you can ask me? Lol jokes on them! Haha
Ultimately I think it’s more a reflection on others than on yourself.
Anyway, essay over 🤣🤣
A lot of this book is trying to lift up those who struggle with their singleton (as the author calls it).
What I have found comforting is that we all find it annoying that people constantly question us about our dating, tell us arg it’s hard out there isn’t it, or have you tried online dating. You do get shunted with the mattress on the floor… while the couples have their double beds and ensuites. And sometimes don’t get invited to things because it’s a “couple event”.
What I have read has been interesting to keep in mind for when I do have a partner one day… a reminder for how I go on to treat those who may be single at that time.
I have also found the conversation around matching up with someone a pinnacle moment in life verrryyyy interesting. That one’s worthiness revolves around a ring the finger. But that is society …! And there isn’t much we can do about it.
I have never been asked if I am dating someone as much as I have these past two months. And I think to myself so that the most interesting thing you can ask me? Lol jokes on them! Haha
Ultimately I think it’s more a reflection on others than on yourself.
Anyway, essay over 🤣🤣
June 30, 2022
This was such a validating book to read. Among occasionally dipping toes into the (absolute shitshow, which is) world of online dating, a society telling me “I’m getting too old, all the good ones are gone”, people puzzled by the fact that I seem single and (God forbid) happy?! and insistence on “things will get better” when I mention I’m single - I’ve found myself landing on the same conclusions as author, Shani, that the narratives we have in the world about being single are all messed up. Enjoying singlehood IS a thing, and CAN coexist with still wanting a relationship someday. Singlehood should not be seen as “less than” couplehood, because it is not. They’re equal, except in the ways each is viewed by society. Singlehood is nothing to be feared (which I only realised once I had time to be single), unlike what most things we consume would have us believe.
Despite landing on these things myself, there would sometimes be a niggling voice in my head (that would somehow always pop up ONLY when someone asked me about my relationship status) that said - “should I be doing more about this? am I not doing enough?” followed by downloading a dating app and realising 2 days and several inappropriate messages later “NOPE, can’t do this”. Shani’s words confirm what I have always believed deep down - that meeting someone is a matter of chance, and it can happen anywhere, anytime, when its right for you - more importantly, whether I’m ON a dating app or not has NOTHING to do with it. How freeing!
What I like about this book is its an act of courage and comes from a place of compassion, without putting anyone, in any situation down. She reminds us that - people in lasting relationships aren’t more (or less) special/worthy than singles. It just happened for them, again, by chance. It happens all the time. Nothing to stress about, life is a gift meant to be enjoyed, in whatever form it unfolds before us.
The next time someone expresses their aversion/“concern” to a happily single woman who’s not in her 20s anymore, I’m going to send them this book.
Despite landing on these things myself, there would sometimes be a niggling voice in my head (that would somehow always pop up ONLY when someone asked me about my relationship status) that said - “should I be doing more about this? am I not doing enough?” followed by downloading a dating app and realising 2 days and several inappropriate messages later “NOPE, can’t do this”. Shani’s words confirm what I have always believed deep down - that meeting someone is a matter of chance, and it can happen anywhere, anytime, when its right for you - more importantly, whether I’m ON a dating app or not has NOTHING to do with it. How freeing!
What I like about this book is its an act of courage and comes from a place of compassion, without putting anyone, in any situation down. She reminds us that - people in lasting relationships aren’t more (or less) special/worthy than singles. It just happened for them, again, by chance. It happens all the time. Nothing to stress about, life is a gift meant to be enjoyed, in whatever form it unfolds before us.
The next time someone expresses their aversion/“concern” to a happily single woman who’s not in her 20s anymore, I’m going to send them this book.
January 1, 2023
I want this book to have more starts because the topic is so damn important. I live what Silver is attempting to do. However, I think if she were to have an editor, it make have hugely served her. The first 1/3 of the book was repetitive. I kept wanting to process. I think with what was written, if there were a few questions asked, a deeper process could have easily been facilitated. I thought her examples were emotionally-driven versus statistically evident and I wanted there to be more credibility than a woman in het 30’s who was jaded by online dating. I did, however, hugely appreciate the challenged to embrace singlehood. This is a topic that is so heavily embedded in the values of our society. I appreciated the pure intent of removing negative assumptions about being single. I see the need for this assessment and evaluation- and especially the reframing that Silver does throughout the book. It’s a great topic and an okay read. I’m happy to see these issues being talked about.
April 10, 2022
In this book, Shani Silver does a great job of reframing the outdated and negative narrative around singlehood. It speaks to anyone who is unhappily single, feels pressured to find a significant other, or is a victim of online dating scams.
What I liked most about this book is that it doesn’t rail against couples, or condemn romantic partnerships. On the contrary, it encourages the readers to desire a relationship while loving and enjoying their single life.
Although I disagreed with some of Shani’s ideas, I liked her well-thought-out approach to releasing the shame and stigma of being single.
What I liked most about this book is that it doesn’t rail against couples, or condemn romantic partnerships. On the contrary, it encourages the readers to desire a relationship while loving and enjoying their single life.
Although I disagreed with some of Shani’s ideas, I liked her well-thought-out approach to releasing the shame and stigma of being single.
November 7, 2022
Sooooo.... The good: Fantastic articulation of things that I've noticed or been frustrated by as a solo human or in the dating scene... And more that I hadn't noticed. Much of this is extremely validating and, yes, even hopeful. There are large swaths of text I feel are required reading for partnered people in addition to single people.
The bad: The redundancy and overall negativity of the content. This cloaked some of the messages that I felt were important. And, omigosh, I nearly threw the book for how many times I read about the decade/10 years the author spent dating. WE GET IT. YOU HATE THE APPS. But also, we don't need to dedicate so many pages repeating the same thing (and not even in different ways). That repetition really did a disservice to a message that could've been much more inspiring. Since I appreciate what Shani's doing and the narratives she's rewriting, I found that to be a total bummer.
The bad: The redundancy and overall negativity of the content. This cloaked some of the messages that I felt were important. And, omigosh, I nearly threw the book for how many times I read about the decade/10 years the author spent dating. WE GET IT. YOU HATE THE APPS. But also, we don't need to dedicate so many pages repeating the same thing (and not even in different ways). That repetition really did a disservice to a message that could've been much more inspiring. Since I appreciate what Shani's doing and the narratives she's rewriting, I found that to be a total bummer.
November 28, 2023
Silver makes many good points throughout this book. Single people are just as important as married people just because you have not found someone to have commited sex with for the rest of your life does not make you less valid as a person. In addition dating apps pray on the single making them accept less and less to keep their business in money. If people found their ideal person and settled down then there would be no dating apps and they are aware of this fact and use it their advantage. Interesting conversational book for married and single people alike.
November 11, 2021
Whether you're single or not, Shani's book is a must. There is so much about our culture that we simply accept -- but why? We could all benefit from embracing Shani's overarching message, which is we are all worthy of our best lives -- RIGHT NOW. Not when we get x, or do y, or become part of a couple. What I love most about Shani's writing is that it is unapologetic, thoughtful, and witty. It's a pleasure to see the world through her lens.
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October 15, 2023J'abandonne le livre au premier tiers car l'autrice se répète indéfiniment et je m'ennuie beaucoup : "On a le droit d'être célibataire, ce n'est pas un échec. On a le droit d'être heureuse célibataire et de le montrer. Notre vie a la même valeur que celle des personnes en couple."
Je viens de lire 100 pages qui répètent inlassablement ce propos et c'est super. Mais très peu instructif pour moi qui suit DÉJÀ heureuse célibataire et DÉJÀ cultivée/déconstruite sur ce sujet.
Et puis surtout, j'aurais aimé que l'autrice aille plus loin dans sa défense du célibat. Or elle adopte un point de vue hétéronormé et écrit qu'elle reste ouverte à des relations avec des hommes.
Ce livre m'a donc déçue. Je l'arrête prématurément. J'attendais un point de vue queer et misandre (sologame) qui est absent. Dommage pour moi 😅 J'écrirai le livre "Sologamie" moi-même !
Je viens de lire 100 pages qui répètent inlassablement ce propos et c'est super. Mais très peu instructif pour moi qui suit DÉJÀ heureuse célibataire et DÉJÀ cultivée/déconstruite sur ce sujet.
Et puis surtout, j'aurais aimé que l'autrice aille plus loin dans sa défense du célibat. Or elle adopte un point de vue hétéronormé et écrit qu'elle reste ouverte à des relations avec des hommes.
Ce livre m'a donc déçue. Je l'arrête prématurément. J'attendais un point de vue queer et misandre (sologame) qui est absent. Dommage pour moi 😅 J'écrirai le livre "Sologamie" moi-même !
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February 8, 2023Boring, repetitive, poorly written and hetero centered. Also I guess I didn't need a whole book letting me know that one can be single and fulfilled/content as I already knew this.
One can be single and happy.
One can be single and unhappy.
One can be coupled and happy.
One can be coupled and unhappy.
Cheers!
One can be single and happy.
One can be single and unhappy.
One can be coupled and happy.
One can be coupled and unhappy.
Cheers!
January 10, 2025
The author makes some good points about the misleading rhetoric of 'not putting in enough effort to find someone' and the role of dating apps at the beginning of the book. But after a while the book started to read like a stream of consciousness and got very, very repetitive. I didn't like the outdated men/women generalizations that were reinforced in the book (like: men are mostly looking for hookups and women are looking for relationships). I also missed a discussion of the (I believe) very human feeling of longing for real connection that may occasionally surface even in a generally satisfying single life, and how to deal with that if it's not currently within sight. The listed perks of singlehood, like having the bed to yourself or deciding what's for dinner, seem a little bleak next to these kinds of bigger questions that remain unanswered.
February 3, 2022
I read this book because I was interested in what the author had to say, not because I thought I'd learn anything new. I've actually been living the advice in this book for the past 9 years without realising, so it wasn't necessarily revolutionary for me - but I still LOVED it. I thought I was content being single before but honestly, I actually feel kinda smug about my life path right now (which is a miracle, considering society does everything it can to pity single women and make them feel inferior). I'm much more open to meeting someone now, but I'm going to continue living a cracking life until that happens!
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January 23, 2022There is nothing positive in this book. It's negative from cover to cover and made me feel worse about "singlehood". She sounds angry. I bought this for my daughter to empower her, not to be lectured on why she should get over it and have animosity toward her "coupled" friends. I'm not only disappointed, I'm annoyed. I bought 2 copies one for her and one for me so we could discuss the positives of being single. I'm going to tell her not to read it.
December 19, 2021
This is an excellent book about how to feel better about being single. It takes many of the ideas the author has previously expressed in essays and compiles them in one narrative. As such, there are portions of the book that feel repetitive, but it is still a good read for single people.
October 4, 2022
Should be mandatory reading for anyone in a relationship who has ever given an unsolicited opinion on another woman’s singleness
May 1, 2025
This book probably wasn’t meant for me, and that’s okay! I’m very content being single already and love that I can do whatever I want when I want to.
I honestly enjoy being single far more than I have ever enjoyed being in a relationship. I don’t hesitate to do things by myself when I don’t have someone to join me. My value is not defined by my relationship status and I’m very comfortable being independent and alone.
This book is more meant for people who feel the need to always be in a relationship and more of a commentary on society than really a “self-help” book. Less practical advice than more of trying to rethink how we view being single.
I felt the author went on quite long tangents to over explain a point and the book felt like one big rant. I could have probably condensed what she wrote to be half of what was actually published. A lot of the chapters were talking in circles or repeating the very same point over again, only in a slightly different way.
I honestly enjoy being single far more than I have ever enjoyed being in a relationship. I don’t hesitate to do things by myself when I don’t have someone to join me. My value is not defined by my relationship status and I’m very comfortable being independent and alone.
This book is more meant for people who feel the need to always be in a relationship and more of a commentary on society than really a “self-help” book. Less practical advice than more of trying to rethink how we view being single.
I felt the author went on quite long tangents to over explain a point and the book felt like one big rant. I could have probably condensed what she wrote to be half of what was actually published. A lot of the chapters were talking in circles or repeating the very same point over again, only in a slightly different way.
September 24, 2022
Such a good easy listen with rational perspective on being single and dating! I wish for people’s own happiness, more people were comfortable being single and not constantly looking to be not single and enjoying it for what it’s worth! Also let’s get away from single shaming. If we can’t ask how someone is married or how the quality of your marriage is then we can’t ask the opposite of those dating or content being single. 💁🏻♀️
April 12, 2023
I really loved this book. One of my best friends recommend I read it, and I picked it up when feeling pretty low, after a string of disappointments with both IRL and online dates.
It was comforting, reassuring, and the empowering and confidence boosting read I really needed. I have now deleted all my dating apps and am excited just to live and own my single life, without seeking validation from a single swipe. I’m excited to be living my best life and, when I am least expecting it, cannot wait to meet my life boy 💫
It was comforting, reassuring, and the empowering and confidence boosting read I really needed. I have now deleted all my dating apps and am excited just to live and own my single life, without seeking validation from a single swipe. I’m excited to be living my best life and, when I am least expecting it, cannot wait to meet my life boy 💫
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June 19, 2023While I’m not the specific target audience for this book - I already fully believe everything Shani reframed- I still really enjoyed it. Even though I didn’t need to reframe the specific areas she was addressing, I still brought her perspectives to other areas of life and found it helpful and empowering all the same.
November 1, 2023
This book resonated so deeply with me. The dating industry and culture is not doing us any favors as single women. It is very empowering and validating to hear that women can be single AND happy. We are allowed to be single, happy, and want a relationship. No need to hold your breath and wait for a partner before you can actually start living life. No need to settle just because you’ve been groomed to think people in relationships are better than singles. I’ve been off of dating apps and the dating scene, and happily single for a few years. Single women I say run, don’t walk to get a copy of this book!!
November 6, 2023
Shani is therapy. I'm happy I found her 😊
February 17, 2022
This book should be required reading for anyone who is single. Shani exposes and debunks all the messages society tells us about being single and helped me realize how much I enjoy my freedom. I also appreciate that she is quick to say it's ok to want a relationship, but we should value ourselves so much that we aren't afraid of being single and holding out for the right relationship
October 26, 2023
I’d be lying if I said this book didn’t bring me to tears at different points. Shani says the things no one else is willing to, and it’s exactly what single women need to hear! (Also anyone complaining about repetition has obviously never read a self-help book before.) There were a couple subjects I wish went a little more in depth, but luckily there’s a podcast I’m sure will have all the answers to questions I didn’t get answered the first time. I had already started doing some of the advice (removing dating apps, window shoppers, and not dating if I don’t want to) and Shani is all too right about how much better it has made me feel. Consider me emotionally moved and mentally reframed. 💟🔥
July 13, 2024
O equivalente literário ao meme "esta reunião podia ter sido um email". Tenta comunicar ideias importantes, que ficam diluídas na repetição e redundância.
December 20, 2021
If I wanted to give a full review of this book it would take days and I don't have that, because I need to go out and enjoy my time as a single woman and start planning my solo trip to Palm Springs. But I will say this, don't be scared by the idea of deleting the apps, that was one of the first things that I heard Shani say and I was a bit perplexed, but I get it now. After being in that pit and knowing how it feels when you give a guy your number and then he just decides to unmatch you and never text you, its not a great feeling. But the idea that you can be happy and still be single is one that I'm now open to embracing. Shani is right, the freedom is great. I can do what I want, when I want with out having to run it by anyone.
September 8, 2022
DNF - Stopped at about 100 pages
I am not the right audience for this book. I WANT to be single. I have no desire to date or come up with snarky responses to the question “why/how are you single” because my answer is simply “because I want to be.”
But just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s always sunshine and rainbows. Being single CAN be lonely. It can be hard financially. It can be scary not having someone when you have an emergency or you’re facing a difficult decision for your life.
So… I was looking for more of a guide on how to embrace my singlehood for everything that it is, even the solitude, financial and scary parts. I guess I was looking for more of a “tips and tricks to being single in a society that is built for couples” than I was a “how to not define yourself based on your singlehood while you wait to be partnered” guide.
So why am I still giving this 5 stars? Because I believe this book IS empowering for the audience it’s intended for. Read it! 🤪
I am not the right audience for this book. I WANT to be single. I have no desire to date or come up with snarky responses to the question “why/how are you single” because my answer is simply “because I want to be.”
But just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s always sunshine and rainbows. Being single CAN be lonely. It can be hard financially. It can be scary not having someone when you have an emergency or you’re facing a difficult decision for your life.
So… I was looking for more of a guide on how to embrace my singlehood for everything that it is, even the solitude, financial and scary parts. I guess I was looking for more of a “tips and tricks to being single in a society that is built for couples” than I was a “how to not define yourself based on your singlehood while you wait to be partnered” guide.
So why am I still giving this 5 stars? Because I believe this book IS empowering for the audience it’s intended for. Read it! 🤪
November 6, 2022
2.5 stars
This book is really aimed for those who are frustrated with online dating. If you're like me -- single, not often dating, not dating online, but looking for a cheerleader to encourage you through the rough patches of single life -- this may not be for you.
Shani clearly shows irritation at a lot of clichés that single women hear. Some of them, though, aren't universally offensive. Or she expresses irritation at being told she "takes no bullsh*" from dating, but then proceed to explain how she doesn't put up with bullsh*. And while I appreciated the bluntness of her writing, I also found out rather repetitive.
All that said, she does make some good points, and bits were laugh out loud funny!
I ended up not finishing it, quitting sometime in chapter 8. A lot of her points didn't apply to me as I'm not at all into online dating or vigorous IRL dating. And the repetition finally got to me.
This book is really aimed for those who are frustrated with online dating. If you're like me -- single, not often dating, not dating online, but looking for a cheerleader to encourage you through the rough patches of single life -- this may not be for you.
Shani clearly shows irritation at a lot of clichés that single women hear. Some of them, though, aren't universally offensive. Or she expresses irritation at being told she "takes no bullsh*" from dating, but then proceed to explain how she doesn't put up with bullsh*. And while I appreciated the bluntness of her writing, I also found out rather repetitive.
All that said, she does make some good points, and bits were laugh out loud funny!
I ended up not finishing it, quitting sometime in chapter 8. A lot of her points didn't apply to me as I'm not at all into online dating or vigorous IRL dating. And the repetition finally got to me.
February 1, 2022
Validating with some helpful reframing but really overlooks a few key issues. This vacillates between a self help book and a memoir and I wish she'd picked one. Much of it is just too personal and specific to the author and those pieces were less interesting to me.
November 2, 2021
Empowering
Inspiring and empowering whether you're single or partnered it's always a good reminder to find happiness within yourself and love life to the fullest!
Inspiring and empowering whether you're single or partnered it's always a good reminder to find happiness within yourself and love life to the fullest!
January 3, 2022
I adore Shani and her message, but I got the same content from her other writings and podcast.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews