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The Last Days: A Memoir of Faith, Desire and Freedom
It is 1982 and in the Kingdom Hall we are Jehovah's Witnesses. The state of the world shows us the end is close, and Satan is like a roaring lion, seeking to devour us.
Ali Millar is waiting for Armageddon. Born into the Jehovah's Witnesses in a town in the Scottish Borders, her childhood revolves around regular meetings in the Kingdom Hall, where she is haunted by vivid images of the Second Coming, her mind populated by the bodies that will litter the earth upon Jehovah's return.
In this frightening, cloistered world Ali grows older. As she does, she starts to question the ways of the Witnesses, and their control over the most intimate aspects of her life. As she marries and has a daughter within the religion, she finds herself pulled deeper and deeper into its dark undertow, her mind tormented by one question: is it possible to escape the life you are born into?
A tale of love and darkness, of faith and absolution, The Last Days is an unforgettable memoir of one woman's courageous journey to freedom.
Ali Millar is waiting for Armageddon. Born into the Jehovah's Witnesses in a town in the Scottish Borders, her childhood revolves around regular meetings in the Kingdom Hall, where she is haunted by vivid images of the Second Coming, her mind populated by the bodies that will litter the earth upon Jehovah's return.
In this frightening, cloistered world Ali grows older. As she does, she starts to question the ways of the Witnesses, and their control over the most intimate aspects of her life. As she marries and has a daughter within the religion, she finds herself pulled deeper and deeper into its dark undertow, her mind tormented by one question: is it possible to escape the life you are born into?
A tale of love and darkness, of faith and absolution, The Last Days is an unforgettable memoir of one woman's courageous journey to freedom.
388 pages, Hardcover
First published July 1, 2022
51 people are currently reading
1460 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 126 reviews
August 25, 2022
Writing about personal trauma is hard. I don't just mean that it's hard in the sense that it forces you to relive painful moments in excruciating detail. I mean, it's hard to channel one's trauma into something that is meaningful and relevant for human beings in general, something that can genuinely be called "literature". All too often, memoirs end up reading like personal therapy sessions. They become myopic, suffocatingly egocentric, bogged down in the particularities of the author's experience. The Last Days, Ali Millar's memoir of escaping the Jehova's Witnesses, is an example of a memoir (mostly) done right. Much of this book reads like a novel, there is so much detail and frankness and attentiveness to the movement of the narrative. I particularly liked the use of the child's perspective to humorous, tragic and satirical effect ("I am five years old and already an expert on doorbells"). There's so much to admire in this deeply sensitive book. There were moments where Millar perhaps belaboured the point, and I think the book could have been shorter, but overall this is probably the most accomplished and absorbing memoir I have read so far this year.
July 11, 2022
This was such a fantastic and candidly open memoir, where the author did not hold back in showing how truly toxic the Jehovah's Witness community can be.
Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness and leaving the community when I was 14, I have struggled to find memoirs, if any, that portray the inside of the community as it really is. Most people view Witnesses as quiet but strange with their stances on refusing blood transfusions and not celebrating birthdays and Christmas, but not many people understand the abuse and trauma you can go through when you are a member as well as when you leave.
Ali Millar is a beautiful writer and is able to write from each period of her life as if she was still in that moment. I really do thank her for bringing the truth to light and making it accessible for everyone. Whether you are into non-fiction works about religion and cults, memoirs or coming of age books, I really think this will be a book for everyone and I hope it also brings courage to people still in the community as well.
Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness and leaving the community when I was 14, I have struggled to find memoirs, if any, that portray the inside of the community as it really is. Most people view Witnesses as quiet but strange with their stances on refusing blood transfusions and not celebrating birthdays and Christmas, but not many people understand the abuse and trauma you can go through when you are a member as well as when you leave.
Ali Millar is a beautiful writer and is able to write from each period of her life as if she was still in that moment. I really do thank her for bringing the truth to light and making it accessible for everyone. Whether you are into non-fiction works about religion and cults, memoirs or coming of age books, I really think this will be a book for everyone and I hope it also brings courage to people still in the community as well.
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April 23, 2022“Writing feels like a portal to a dangerous truth.”
Faith, desire, control, abuse of power… I devoured The Last Days, an incisive takedown of an exploitative, destructive organisation via a personal story.
Millar’s writing about music, sex, and desire was fantastic. I think mainstream rhetoric (both religious and secular) around women’s desire is (still) terrible, but Millar really nailed it, and this cracking line is my favourite: "Kurt Cobain is dead when we teach each other how to fuck." (I won’t say too much, but one of the most difficult, and so absurd it’s almost comical if it wasn’t so disturbing, is the ‘rate your pleasure’ scene towards the end of the book).
Millar’s description of an eating disorder as a means to gain some control is brilliant and unflinching. She writes about her body eating itself, and being on the verge of dying, but also writes about what it’s doing for her, why she needs it; not condoning it, but not moralising either, not shying away from hard truths. This is an utterly chilling line: "I tell myself I've got six months to disappear. I like deadlines."
While my own religious upbringing was very different and less fire and brimstone, I identified with some of Ali’s story, especially the freedom found in music and the struggle to forge your own identity, exemplified in this powerful line: "One day I'll have a house full of books I want to read and music I want to listen to." I don’t think people who didn’t have an upbringing like ours would really quite understand how important that is.
One of the main things I appreciate (however much I wish it wasn’t the truth) is how the denouement isn’t an easy ‘wrapped in a bow’ ending; Millar could have offered up easy platitudes, but she doesn’t turn away from the devastating loss that comes with her autonomy.
I’d love to see an adaptation; as I was reading, I was reminded of Lynne Ramsay’s Morvern Callar. This book really is as iconic, but with a Nirvana soundtrack as Millar seeks her freedom from “a trick”, a religion that “is nothing more than a business masquerading as a religion.” It’s a coming of age that’s messy, brutal, beautiful, and – in the end – fearless: “If it’s my blood, can I do what I want with it?” The Last Days looks to be the beginning of a very exciting career.
Faith, desire, control, abuse of power… I devoured The Last Days, an incisive takedown of an exploitative, destructive organisation via a personal story.
Millar’s writing about music, sex, and desire was fantastic. I think mainstream rhetoric (both religious and secular) around women’s desire is (still) terrible, but Millar really nailed it, and this cracking line is my favourite: "Kurt Cobain is dead when we teach each other how to fuck." (I won’t say too much, but one of the most difficult, and so absurd it’s almost comical if it wasn’t so disturbing, is the ‘rate your pleasure’ scene towards the end of the book).
Millar’s description of an eating disorder as a means to gain some control is brilliant and unflinching. She writes about her body eating itself, and being on the verge of dying, but also writes about what it’s doing for her, why she needs it; not condoning it, but not moralising either, not shying away from hard truths. This is an utterly chilling line: "I tell myself I've got six months to disappear. I like deadlines."
While my own religious upbringing was very different and less fire and brimstone, I identified with some of Ali’s story, especially the freedom found in music and the struggle to forge your own identity, exemplified in this powerful line: "One day I'll have a house full of books I want to read and music I want to listen to." I don’t think people who didn’t have an upbringing like ours would really quite understand how important that is.
One of the main things I appreciate (however much I wish it wasn’t the truth) is how the denouement isn’t an easy ‘wrapped in a bow’ ending; Millar could have offered up easy platitudes, but she doesn’t turn away from the devastating loss that comes with her autonomy.
I’d love to see an adaptation; as I was reading, I was reminded of Lynne Ramsay’s Morvern Callar. This book really is as iconic, but with a Nirvana soundtrack as Millar seeks her freedom from “a trick”, a religion that “is nothing more than a business masquerading as a religion.” It’s a coming of age that’s messy, brutal, beautiful, and – in the end – fearless: “If it’s my blood, can I do what I want with it?” The Last Days looks to be the beginning of a very exciting career.
July 17, 2022
If anyone can understand where the author is coming from, it's me - I also grew up as a JW, finally leaving in my late teens. A lot of the things detailed are absolutely true; JWs do not celebrate birthdays or Christmas, you are encouraged to keep away from 'worldly people', women are definitely considered second class but it's wrapped up in the language of being a "complement" to man, & having a career/going to university is a no-no.. From my early teens I chafed against the expectations & I had questions about the teachings I was not allowed to ask, & upon leaving I felt exactly like Nicole Kidman looks in that photograph of her shortly after divorcing Tom Cruise - freedom.
Where our experiences diverge though is the author's experience of other Witnesses. There are most definitely those that live a dual life, with their 'meeting face' & what they are like away from the public ministry, & there were cliques, but I also met some genuinely lovely people. We certainly never covered the windows of the Kingdom Hall so we weren't distracted by the outside - that's extremely odd behaviour & I think it says more about that particular congregation than the JWs as a whole.
Overall, whilst everyone's experiences are different & are uniquely their own, I expected to feel some affinity with what the author has gone through as a young person, but there was very little. I empathise with the author's battles against a patriarchal religion, & an eating disorder, & am glad to see that they have managed to achieve some happiness for themselves, but I struggled with their writing style which was overly florid at times. 2.5 stars (rounded up on sites where half star ratings not allowed).
My thanks to NetGalley & publishers, Ebury Publishing/Penguin Random House, for the opportunity to read an ARC.
Where our experiences diverge though is the author's experience of other Witnesses. There are most definitely those that live a dual life, with their 'meeting face' & what they are like away from the public ministry, & there were cliques, but I also met some genuinely lovely people. We certainly never covered the windows of the Kingdom Hall so we weren't distracted by the outside - that's extremely odd behaviour & I think it says more about that particular congregation than the JWs as a whole.
Overall, whilst everyone's experiences are different & are uniquely their own, I expected to feel some affinity with what the author has gone through as a young person, but there was very little. I empathise with the author's battles against a patriarchal religion, & an eating disorder, & am glad to see that they have managed to achieve some happiness for themselves, but I struggled with their writing style which was overly florid at times. 2.5 stars (rounded up on sites where half star ratings not allowed).
My thanks to NetGalley & publishers, Ebury Publishing/Penguin Random House, for the opportunity to read an ARC.
June 20, 2022
Wow. What a tremendous memoir. I’ll preface this review by saying my thoughts on JW as a religious organisation are not clear cut. I have friends who are JW and are really happy, my friend doesn’t appear oppressed by her husband and her children are bright, happy and just regular kids. As a CofE Christian myself there are a few things that my friends Kingdom Hall do that I really think we could learn from as our church slowly dwindles as it’s ageing population dies. BUT all that aside I have no doubt that Ali’s experience is genuine and that she and many hundreds or even thousands of other ex Witnesses have been traumatised by the very people and place that are supposed to provide you with comfort and safety. The fact that, like Mormonism the JW faith has been written and designed by ‘modern’ day white men in ivory towers in the USA is enough to make me suspicious of its true biblical purpose and reading how women are expected to be submissive to their parents, then church then husband it’s definitely something I couldn’t be a part of.
But my experiences aren’t relevant here, Ali Millars’s are and she writes them so beautifully. It is incredible how she manages to capture the spirit of whatever age she is and imbue that into those chapters so that you’d be forgiven for thinking that she was copying from a childhood log book. Her growing maturity matches the maturity of the storytelling until by the end it is elegiac and fully grown.
I could have carried on reading it for days and am a little cross that it was so good I raced through it!
Whatever your thoughts on religion this is a great book about being a woman and how your life changes and is changed for you by the choices you make and the people who surround you.
But my experiences aren’t relevant here, Ali Millars’s are and she writes them so beautifully. It is incredible how she manages to capture the spirit of whatever age she is and imbue that into those chapters so that you’d be forgiven for thinking that she was copying from a childhood log book. Her growing maturity matches the maturity of the storytelling until by the end it is elegiac and fully grown.
I could have carried on reading it for days and am a little cross that it was so good I raced through it!
Whatever your thoughts on religion this is a great book about being a woman and how your life changes and is changed for you by the choices you make and the people who surround you.
May 19, 2023
As an ex-Witness I found this book about being a Jehovah’s Witness, and then leaving, incredibly moving. I sometimes think books like this can’t be fully appreciated by anyone else other than ex-Witnesses, seeing as it’s such a peculiarly cultural thing.
Their whole belief system is strange, the way the elders have eyes like Big Brother, and how every other Witness is like an East German spy, ready to throw each other under the bus at the first sign of public sin. The kind of “loving” way they cut people off and then claim victimhood is truly something difficult to explain to outsiders.
I think Ali Millar comes very close in this memoir, identifying the emotions many of us go through at different times, the absolute inner-turmoil of conflict that only ever fades but never goes away after leaving. And there is no one really to blame except the faceless organisation itself, since Witness sincerity is actually a thing, their self-delusion another.
In the end those of us fortunate enough to have left sport a lifestyle-hole that cannot be truly filled, banished by those who only know conditional love, something Ali points out towards the end.
This book is a must-read for anyone who has been disowned by family and friends for differing lifestyles or beliefs, and also for those who are simply curious about being raised in such a bizarre world as the Witnesses. I hope Ali finds the peace which has always eluded her. Writing this book surely helped.
Their whole belief system is strange, the way the elders have eyes like Big Brother, and how every other Witness is like an East German spy, ready to throw each other under the bus at the first sign of public sin. The kind of “loving” way they cut people off and then claim victimhood is truly something difficult to explain to outsiders.
I think Ali Millar comes very close in this memoir, identifying the emotions many of us go through at different times, the absolute inner-turmoil of conflict that only ever fades but never goes away after leaving. And there is no one really to blame except the faceless organisation itself, since Witness sincerity is actually a thing, their self-delusion another.
In the end those of us fortunate enough to have left sport a lifestyle-hole that cannot be truly filled, banished by those who only know conditional love, something Ali points out towards the end.
This book is a must-read for anyone who has been disowned by family and friends for differing lifestyles or beliefs, and also for those who are simply curious about being raised in such a bizarre world as the Witnesses. I hope Ali finds the peace which has always eluded her. Writing this book surely helped.
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May 30, 2025What really intrigued me about this book was that it wasn't a story of extremes; there are no sister-wives or crazy rituals, or any of the dramas you might be used to seeing in popular cult-esposés when people talk about FLDS or JW.
I found this so hard hitting because it's something that we see across the United Kingdom and throughout churches (JW or not) where high-demand religions demand more and more from their congregations, pushing thought-terminating clichés and shutting down open communication and discussion.
Such an interesting glimpse into these communities, and a brave story to share!
I found this so hard hitting because it's something that we see across the United Kingdom and throughout churches (JW or not) where high-demand religions demand more and more from their congregations, pushing thought-terminating clichés and shutting down open communication and discussion.
Such an interesting glimpse into these communities, and a brave story to share!
July 7, 2022
I've read extracts. I am not buying the book.
I grew up in it too. I did not believe and was not "terrified".
I left in my teens. I had a few visits from parents and mostly phone, email contact over the next 41 years...they moved to a different city.
Dad died, my aged mum and disabled brother are still in the religion and I moved back to care for them.
I am not harassed to participate, visitors talk to me, no talks to me about religious matters at all.
No-one "shuns" me. No-one is required to. We all co-exist without any shunning, harrssment or mention of it.
I drop them off at the church each SUnday.
No-one screams or points at me or attacks my mum and brother for being with me.
The chief in charge has been round here, he says hello to me.
Yes it is patriarchal, yes it is controlling. but not quite to ex-members and their families as she says.
Yes they are bonkers in their beliefs.
But I do what I want, and no-one interferes. I care for mum, and brother...and it's his choice. He's not as "good" as they think...but he's been too long in it for me to convince him it's rubbish even so. I don't tell on his minor transgressions though.
Some people like religion, and an awful lot of ex members of whatever religion, stay religious, they just find a new one.
Some people can't cope with life at all, religious or not.
But I needed to say, it's not quite like that.
I grew up in it too. I did not believe and was not "terrified".
I left in my teens. I had a few visits from parents and mostly phone, email contact over the next 41 years...they moved to a different city.
Dad died, my aged mum and disabled brother are still in the religion and I moved back to care for them.
I am not harassed to participate, visitors talk to me, no talks to me about religious matters at all.
No-one "shuns" me. No-one is required to. We all co-exist without any shunning, harrssment or mention of it.
I drop them off at the church each SUnday.
No-one screams or points at me or attacks my mum and brother for being with me.
The chief in charge has been round here, he says hello to me.
Yes it is patriarchal, yes it is controlling. but not quite to ex-members and their families as she says.
Yes they are bonkers in their beliefs.
But I do what I want, and no-one interferes. I care for mum, and brother...and it's his choice. He's not as "good" as they think...but he's been too long in it for me to convince him it's rubbish even so. I don't tell on his minor transgressions though.
Some people like religion, and an awful lot of ex members of whatever religion, stay religious, they just find a new one.
Some people can't cope with life at all, religious or not.
But I needed to say, it's not quite like that.
July 19, 2022
The Last Days by Ali Millar was a very interesting book, it's an open memoir, where the Ali the author did not hold back in showing how truly toxic the Jehovah's Witness community can be and still are. Ali was born into the Jehovah's Witness community as her mother had become a Witness before she was born, and had to follow in her mothers footsteps. Ali had no control of her childhood to adulthood. I never understood about this Christian Religion. I had a friend who was at my first and middle school I felt so sorry for her as she could not join in our assembly's etc, Christmas and Easter celebrations, She had to sit outside or in a class room on her own with a teacher and her books. Her birthday was the worst no cards or cake was shared....no invitations was sent to her. for our birthdays etc.........Thats no childhood. So when this book came available I wanted to learn more about.
Why! and how this religion was so different to my Church of England Christian religion!
But, Its Christian?!? Isn't that the same? Hmmmmmmmm
Ali, I could Hug you all those years lost but I am so glad you wrote your memoirs about it. It was a honest and so shocking. I wish you all the best and happiness for the future.
I highly recommend The Last Days by Ali Millar. 5 Big stars from me and a hug. Thank you xx
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher Ebury Press for an advanced copy in exchange for a review.
Why! and how this religion was so different to my Church of England Christian religion!
But, Its Christian?!? Isn't that the same? Hmmmmmmmm
Ali, I could Hug you all those years lost but I am so glad you wrote your memoirs about it. It was a honest and so shocking. I wish you all the best and happiness for the future.
I highly recommend The Last Days by Ali Millar. 5 Big stars from me and a hug. Thank you xx
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher Ebury Press for an advanced copy in exchange for a review.
July 18, 2022
This isn’t a bad book but I’m giving it four stars as yet again a book is marketed as one thing but has other major themes which need trigger warnings. Therefore TW eating disorders, alcohol abuse, religion and abortion.
The main character grows up from a young age as a Jehovah’s Witness and is basically scared of so many things because of their teachings. She then develops an eating disorder which take up around 40-50% of the story. Later she has a baby and decided whether to leave the Witnesses.
This is a true story. A reader who may need a trigger warning could be quite far into this book before it becomes apparent that a lot of the book is about eating disorders. As in-depth as that is, we never find out if the author gets better with the condition.
The end felt a bit rushed. I would have liked more detail on how she left the Witnesses. The corruption of the Witnesses is touched upon but again not enough detail. A blog, by the author, is also mentioned, but never named. She is trying to protect others identities so maybe Ali Millar is a pen name.
Many thanks to Netgalley for this ARC.
The main character grows up from a young age as a Jehovah’s Witness and is basically scared of so many things because of their teachings. She then develops an eating disorder which take up around 40-50% of the story. Later she has a baby and decided whether to leave the Witnesses.
This is a true story. A reader who may need a trigger warning could be quite far into this book before it becomes apparent that a lot of the book is about eating disorders. As in-depth as that is, we never find out if the author gets better with the condition.
The end felt a bit rushed. I would have liked more detail on how she left the Witnesses. The corruption of the Witnesses is touched upon but again not enough detail. A blog, by the author, is also mentioned, but never named. She is trying to protect others identities so maybe Ali Millar is a pen name.
Many thanks to Netgalley for this ARC.
May 18, 2023
This was incredible, heartbreaking and beautiful all at once. Such an interesting perspective, and one that had me outright sobbing. Ali has such an amazing writing style that had me hooked from the start, and I really enjoyed this (as much as you can enjoy a book about trauma and religious cults). I really urge people to read this! The only reason I gave it a 4 rather than a 5 is because there is ZERO warning of Ali's eating disorder. The summary talks about as she grows through marriage and having children, and I would have definitely appreciated a trigger warning before reading this, as it was a hard read.
Big trigger warnings for eating disorders (graphically described), alcoholism, trauma, religious trauma, grief and family breakups
Big trigger warnings for eating disorders (graphically described), alcoholism, trauma, religious trauma, grief and family breakups
January 4, 2023
I really enjoyed reading this memoir, which is my book club read for this month. Millar's experience growing up in the Jehovah's Witness community, her path from believing to doubting and how this created her own personal trauma all made for a fascinating read. I would definitely recommend this to anyone interested in learning more about a former member's personal experience with the Witness', however I would caution readers that it is exactly that: a personal experience - it may not be a shared experience. 4 stars from me, I thoroughly enjoyed Millar's writing and would read anything she brings out in the future.
April 24, 2023
Family folklore tells of how, as a small child, I pulled out a chamber pot and defecated in front of a Jehovah's Witness attempting to spread the "good news". Having read Ali Millar's brave and shocking account in 'The Last Days', I'm proud of wee me for this symbolic act. Well done to Ali for having the courage to write about her experience. I found it deeply shocking and extremely illuminating. I'm glad she's found her own path, free of harmful indoctrination.
May 16, 2025
It became one of my favourite books. Still can’t believe there’s not a movie about the writer’s life but I don’t think she would like it. It is so full of emotions and new information for me. Maybe the ending was a bit of a rush but it’s not about her. It was all about the mum in the end, and the relationship between a girl and her mum. You’re mum will always be your mum, no matter how many traumas, or mistakes she had made I feel like any girl will always (deep down) want to forgive. The hard part is that not all mums are ready to admit they were wrong. That’s really Sad.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 16, 2024
The author grew up in the Jehovah’s Witnesses and railed against the strict rules that were enforced by the elders, who were all male. Some of it is shocking, much of it similar to other religious communities. How does a person break free and then what? The author candidly explains her torment and the struggles learning to live outside ‘the fellowship’.
Does the indoctrination ever completely leave a person? It seems not.
Does the indoctrination ever completely leave a person? It seems not.
July 11, 2022
I remember being a young girl at middle school and there being a family of girls who could never join in assembly when we sang hymns and could never join in making cards at Easter or Christmas. We knew they were Jehovah Witnesses but we didn’t have a clue what that meant. Later I learnt they couldn’t have blood if they were in hospital and needed it. But how could we understand, we were 10 years old.
When I saw this title, those little girls came back to me and I wanted to know more about what their childhood must have been like. Ali Millar bravely tells it as it is: all the teachings; the rules; the belief that the outside world was full of sin; the coming of the end and the new world for the Witnesses that would follow. Her writing pulls you in from the very beginning, simple and yet captivating. I wonder now if those little girls at my school felt like Ali. A highly emotive subject that will leave you speechless at times, I felt so much for Ali growing up and becoming a young woman. A very courageous person in many ways. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for a review.
When I saw this title, those little girls came back to me and I wanted to know more about what their childhood must have been like. Ali Millar bravely tells it as it is: all the teachings; the rules; the belief that the outside world was full of sin; the coming of the end and the new world for the Witnesses that would follow. Her writing pulls you in from the very beginning, simple and yet captivating. I wonder now if those little girls at my school felt like Ali. A highly emotive subject that will leave you speechless at times, I felt so much for Ali growing up and becoming a young woman. A very courageous person in many ways. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for a review.
April 11, 2025
‘The Last Days’ documents an interesting hidden culture that many of us will know of but have little understanding of, Jehovah’s Witnesses, from the perspective of a woman raised in the faith who struggles to embrace it and equally struggles to abandon it. It is an enticing subject for a memoir but it is a slog to read.
Unfortunately Millar is not a fluent writer in any way and the repetition and lack of rhythm to her words can become somewhat monotonous across the breadth of this account. At one point she details going to a creative writing course and being told to leave out excess description of a toothbrush and jokes about this fact, as if she has learned not to do so. I would advise she should have probably paid greater attention because the book is full of forced description and a real lack of character development. Every person that is not her or her mother, including her children, seem interchangeable.
I understand it’s meant to be an honest account of her experience but I don’t think any questioning Jehovah’s Witness that reads this will view the author as anything other than quite self centred. She seems to be absolutely enamoured with drinking, dishonesty, and sex at certain points in her life. She is hardly alone in that, but most people are not as reckless with it as she. You almost start to feel sympathy for some of the very dogmatic people around her having to put up with her constant transgressions. I feel sorrow for what she went through but great confusion as to why she continued to put herself through it. Perhaps only someone involved in what is undoubtedly a pseudo-cult could comprehend this contradiction.
Naturally a lot of that is the consequence of trauma but there is quite a clear point at which she is absolutely disengaged from this cultish faith yet chooses to get married and have a child? Why? Her husband, a very clear product of his faith, acts just as you would expect him to act. This is not a belief system that values women’s autonomy - so why on Earth did you embrace this next step? Then on top of that she seems to want him to know she’s having a sort of affair and for everyone around to know. Is this sympathetic behaviour? She seems to want us to think it is. I have met ‘apostates’ from ‘the truth’ as they call it. They generally left the minute they exited their childhood home, what’s particularly peculiar here is that Millar despite seemingly hating everything about it kept going, it’s almost masochism after a point.
My suspicion is there’s a certain dishonesty going on. I think the author was more wedded to their cause than she lets on but in hindsight has retroactively constructed a slightly altered narrative. Then again her descriptions of her mother seem to paint a picture of a devout woman with very weak fortitude and a need to be wanted. Perhaps Millar has just followed that example. This dynamic is the most intriguing aspect of the book and I found myself wanting to know more about her mother.
The conclusion I came to is that without the Jehovah’s Witness angle this would be a very bad memoir. With it, it is just a bit of a curious bore.
2/5
Note on the audiobook*
The author’s narration is perfectly good and clear. There is not anything more to say than that.
Unfortunately Millar is not a fluent writer in any way and the repetition and lack of rhythm to her words can become somewhat monotonous across the breadth of this account. At one point she details going to a creative writing course and being told to leave out excess description of a toothbrush and jokes about this fact, as if she has learned not to do so. I would advise she should have probably paid greater attention because the book is full of forced description and a real lack of character development. Every person that is not her or her mother, including her children, seem interchangeable.
I understand it’s meant to be an honest account of her experience but I don’t think any questioning Jehovah’s Witness that reads this will view the author as anything other than quite self centred. She seems to be absolutely enamoured with drinking, dishonesty, and sex at certain points in her life. She is hardly alone in that, but most people are not as reckless with it as she. You almost start to feel sympathy for some of the very dogmatic people around her having to put up with her constant transgressions. I feel sorrow for what she went through but great confusion as to why she continued to put herself through it. Perhaps only someone involved in what is undoubtedly a pseudo-cult could comprehend this contradiction.
Naturally a lot of that is the consequence of trauma but there is quite a clear point at which she is absolutely disengaged from this cultish faith yet chooses to get married and have a child? Why? Her husband, a very clear product of his faith, acts just as you would expect him to act. This is not a belief system that values women’s autonomy - so why on Earth did you embrace this next step? Then on top of that she seems to want him to know she’s having a sort of affair and for everyone around to know. Is this sympathetic behaviour? She seems to want us to think it is. I have met ‘apostates’ from ‘the truth’ as they call it. They generally left the minute they exited their childhood home, what’s particularly peculiar here is that Millar despite seemingly hating everything about it kept going, it’s almost masochism after a point.
My suspicion is there’s a certain dishonesty going on. I think the author was more wedded to their cause than she lets on but in hindsight has retroactively constructed a slightly altered narrative. Then again her descriptions of her mother seem to paint a picture of a devout woman with very weak fortitude and a need to be wanted. Perhaps Millar has just followed that example. This dynamic is the most intriguing aspect of the book and I found myself wanting to know more about her mother.
The conclusion I came to is that without the Jehovah’s Witness angle this would be a very bad memoir. With it, it is just a bit of a curious bore.
2/5
Note on the audiobook*
The author’s narration is perfectly good and clear. There is not anything more to say than that.
July 14, 2022
I received this ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Wow wow wow!
It’s very rare that I read autobiographies or memoirs but when I read about this one I was intrigued as I’ve always found religion fascinating and suffocating if I’m honest.
The writing style is incredible it’s like you’re right in the room/situation with Ali in every part of her life year and year.
This is a very raw and deeply honest look into the life of a Jehovah’s Witness from the perspective of a young girl right up to being a woman with a child/children, this harrowing memoir will stay with me for a long time.
Wow wow wow!
It’s very rare that I read autobiographies or memoirs but when I read about this one I was intrigued as I’ve always found religion fascinating and suffocating if I’m honest.
The writing style is incredible it’s like you’re right in the room/situation with Ali in every part of her life year and year.
This is a very raw and deeply honest look into the life of a Jehovah’s Witness from the perspective of a young girl right up to being a woman with a child/children, this harrowing memoir will stay with me for a long time.
August 14, 2022
This is really a 3.5 from me.
This memoir follows the life, from early childhood, of a young woman who's been raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and been terrified of teachings that continue to echo through her life. Although our young heroine is raised to believe that higher education is dangerous, that worldly people are sinful, and that second-hand books and LPs contain demons, she can't help but be curious about the world around her, although it is, of course, wicked and to be avoided.
And this is the problem for me. The narrative is told in the journaling style, with each period told in a voice authentic to our heroine's age at the time. This is an interesting choice, and works well as a device to show the change in our heroine from her childhood, through adolescence to adulthood, however (and it's a pretty big however), I found it quite hard to read such blinkered judgement and bigotry from a written-down six-year-old. Yes, she grows and changes, and her life is ripped apart when she chooses to live her own way, but I felt haunted by the careless cruelty that had been spoon-fed to the child.
Our heroine's ultimate story is one of survival. Having recovered from anorexia and a loveless marriage, having left her faith and lost the family in which she grew up, it feels like an important, if difficult story. I was just very aware that the woman, writing the words of her six-year-old self, her nine-year-old self, was writing some deeply hurtful things in the clear-eyed words of a child.
This memoir follows the life, from early childhood, of a young woman who's been raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and been terrified of teachings that continue to echo through her life. Although our young heroine is raised to believe that higher education is dangerous, that worldly people are sinful, and that second-hand books and LPs contain demons, she can't help but be curious about the world around her, although it is, of course, wicked and to be avoided.
And this is the problem for me. The narrative is told in the journaling style, with each period told in a voice authentic to our heroine's age at the time. This is an interesting choice, and works well as a device to show the change in our heroine from her childhood, through adolescence to adulthood, however (and it's a pretty big however), I found it quite hard to read such blinkered judgement and bigotry from a written-down six-year-old. Yes, she grows and changes, and her life is ripped apart when she chooses to live her own way, but I felt haunted by the careless cruelty that had been spoon-fed to the child.
Our heroine's ultimate story is one of survival. Having recovered from anorexia and a loveless marriage, having left her faith and lost the family in which she grew up, it feels like an important, if difficult story. I was just very aware that the woman, writing the words of her six-year-old self, her nine-year-old self, was writing some deeply hurtful things in the clear-eyed words of a child.
April 18, 2023
A mother desperate to recover her sense of self-worth after rejection by feckless men, finds solace in the fetid, cultish embrace of the Jehovah's Witnesses. In the process, she drops her daughters into the maw of this controlling and unloving religion. Eldest daughter, Zoe, fits in. Author Ali, cynically evaluates and questions everything and yet despite all her reservations, she always submits to its lifestyle strictures, attends the meetings and stays within the bosom of the suffocating JW Community.
Ali is also deeply self-sabotaging. As a teen, she begins counting calories and restricts her eating as a means to exert some control over her own life - leading to anorexia. She drinks to excess, often finding it leads to oblivion or questionable behaviour, but regardless, she quaffs the alcohol down. Finally, although she scoffs at almost everything related to the religion, she takes the step of baptism into the faith which seems completely illogical.
The memoir feels cathartic but also joyless and Stockholm-syndrome like. I learnt more than I'd probably like to know about JW's but I never truly felt that I connected with Ali.
Ali is also deeply self-sabotaging. As a teen, she begins counting calories and restricts her eating as a means to exert some control over her own life - leading to anorexia. She drinks to excess, often finding it leads to oblivion or questionable behaviour, but regardless, she quaffs the alcohol down. Finally, although she scoffs at almost everything related to the religion, she takes the step of baptism into the faith which seems completely illogical.
The memoir feels cathartic but also joyless and Stockholm-syndrome like. I learnt more than I'd probably like to know about JW's but I never truly felt that I connected with Ali.
January 12, 2023
Compelling and Challenging read
A stark look into a bizarre world of religious extremism, the effect of this on the author and her family, and how she eventually moved on. The middle of the book was hardest to read, being a reflection of the author’s adolescent battles with the world, but the last half was excellently written. The last chapter and the postscript were extremely poignant.
A stark look into a bizarre world of religious extremism, the effect of this on the author and her family, and how she eventually moved on. The middle of the book was hardest to read, being a reflection of the author’s adolescent battles with the world, but the last half was excellently written. The last chapter and the postscript were extremely poignant.
September 22, 2024
Some Jehovah’s Witnesses introduced themselves to me several years ago and we’ve had many and varied discussions of several topics including God, the Bible, Jesus peace be upon him, Islam, the Quran…etc.
I was told by my family members that they only want to convert me. I already knew that of course. This book opened my eyes to things only an insider would know. Fascinating reading.
I was told by my family members that they only want to convert me. I already knew that of course. This book opened my eyes to things only an insider would know. Fascinating reading.
December 31, 2023
If you ever want to know what it feels like to be brought up by a single mother in the Jehovah's Witnesses, Millar's book has you covered. Millar keeps a tight focus on her emotions, writing in the present and gradually maturing the writing style to increase the sense of travelling through her eyes through her life.
It is, I will confess, a style of memoir I am increasingly uncomfortable with, feeding a public appetite for manufactured empathy, with readers who perhaps use other people's trauma to escape their own problems - maybe that isn't all bad, maybe being a social species means that getting help from nosy strangers is how we all survive. But awareness of the hunger of publishers for trauma stories sold to rubberneckers dampens my enthusiasm somewhat.
But Millar's story is bigger on her own attempts to work out what she wants, than on terrible tales. This is a book written, in part at least, to explain how completely devastating it can be to be "disfellowshipped". Every time I chat to someone about cults (or other forms of coercive control) and people say "well, they choose to stay" I think how easy it is to trivialise other people's lives - as if any of us could easily walk away from our mothers and fathers, our children, our chosen family. Yes, there is all the baggage with ideology, but there is also simply the practicality of love.
Millar is a skilled writer, and although sections of this felt a little belaboured at times, she brings a frankness that ensures this is peopled with real humans, working class scots who make mistakes and drink too much, and try too hard. And this realness, this refusal to sugarcoat a life in order to increase its worth, makes it worth engaging with, to celebrate the better parts of human connection (and maybe donate a few bucks to the many JW recovery groups to make it mean something).
It is, I will confess, a style of memoir I am increasingly uncomfortable with, feeding a public appetite for manufactured empathy, with readers who perhaps use other people's trauma to escape their own problems - maybe that isn't all bad, maybe being a social species means that getting help from nosy strangers is how we all survive. But awareness of the hunger of publishers for trauma stories sold to rubberneckers dampens my enthusiasm somewhat.
But Millar's story is bigger on her own attempts to work out what she wants, than on terrible tales. This is a book written, in part at least, to explain how completely devastating it can be to be "disfellowshipped". Every time I chat to someone about cults (or other forms of coercive control) and people say "well, they choose to stay" I think how easy it is to trivialise other people's lives - as if any of us could easily walk away from our mothers and fathers, our children, our chosen family. Yes, there is all the baggage with ideology, but there is also simply the practicality of love.
Millar is a skilled writer, and although sections of this felt a little belaboured at times, she brings a frankness that ensures this is peopled with real humans, working class scots who make mistakes and drink too much, and try too hard. And this realness, this refusal to sugarcoat a life in order to increase its worth, makes it worth engaging with, to celebrate the better parts of human connection (and maybe donate a few bucks to the many JW recovery groups to make it mean something).
November 21, 2023
I'm not that big of a fan of memoirs; if not for a lovely bookstore-on-water somewhere in London and the novelty of buying a book from a boat, this autobiography would have never landed in my hands.
It was educational, in a sense. Jehovah's Witnesses have always been nameless people next to kiosks who turn away as I pass them by, not even bothering with me; it was my middle school classmate in old-fashioned clothes and long skirts, and my absolute disinterest in her, worthy of any 12-year-old; and it's what I visualise when I talk about cults.
Shelter / separation. Us / them. Autonomy / respect. Where does faith come in? What is a God? Is it the guilt? Is it your mother? Careful teachings make you come undone. Somehow, at some point, the book stopped being about being a Witness and became about being a daughter. How am I not to relate to that.
It's hard to review a memoir - hard to judge something someone has lived through. It's their history, on paper - what is there to talk about? Sometimes the writing style became a repetition of itself, but very rarely. I saw the same threads I've learnt to weave when I write for myself. It was nice.
The author does not shy away from discussing anorexia, and I could appreciate that. It was interesting what goes through someone's mind with such a condition. I almost teared up at the chapter with the French onion soup. I almost made it for dinner that night.
Surprisingly, the book did not introduce any new theological concepts. I'm not religious, and it felt like any mention of God, or Jehovah, could be replaced by any other word that punishes. There was no love from the beginning. There will be no love in the end.
This book is where I put my grief for you.
It was educational, in a sense. Jehovah's Witnesses have always been nameless people next to kiosks who turn away as I pass them by, not even bothering with me; it was my middle school classmate in old-fashioned clothes and long skirts, and my absolute disinterest in her, worthy of any 12-year-old; and it's what I visualise when I talk about cults.
Shelter / separation. Us / them. Autonomy / respect. Where does faith come in? What is a God? Is it the guilt? Is it your mother? Careful teachings make you come undone. Somehow, at some point, the book stopped being about being a Witness and became about being a daughter. How am I not to relate to that.
It's hard to review a memoir - hard to judge something someone has lived through. It's their history, on paper - what is there to talk about? Sometimes the writing style became a repetition of itself, but very rarely. I saw the same threads I've learnt to weave when I write for myself. It was nice.
The author does not shy away from discussing anorexia, and I could appreciate that. It was interesting what goes through someone's mind with such a condition. I almost teared up at the chapter with the French onion soup. I almost made it for dinner that night.
Surprisingly, the book did not introduce any new theological concepts. I'm not religious, and it felt like any mention of God, or Jehovah, could be replaced by any other word that punishes. There was no love from the beginning. There will be no love in the end.
But it is for us to distinguish, to see the difference between wrong done to us and the equal wrong done by us.
June 21, 2023
A real page turner.
This is not a vitriol as I expected apart from the afterword.
However it is a first person account of being a witness, told as it is. With a. Emphasis on a dispassionate series of accounts along with the thoughts and feelings that account be divorced from a biography.
Well done to Ali for her openness and honesty for what was a difficult writing experience. Which at the same time makes for uncomfortable but compelling read.
Rather tutting at the organisation’s shortcomings there are lessons for us all. However it is incumbent on any organisation to learn and reform.
This is not a vitriol as I expected apart from the afterword.
However it is a first person account of being a witness, told as it is. With a. Emphasis on a dispassionate series of accounts along with the thoughts and feelings that account be divorced from a biography.
Well done to Ali for her openness and honesty for what was a difficult writing experience. Which at the same time makes for uncomfortable but compelling read.
Rather tutting at the organisation’s shortcomings there are lessons for us all. However it is incumbent on any organisation to learn and reform.
January 23, 2023
Very emotional and insightful memory. Really recommend, especially to anyone who likes reading about religious lifestyles.
January 22, 2024
Just sensational. A captivating, lyrical and raw account of how to live your own life, when the very people you love are endlessly brainwashing you with delusion and deception. Ten stars.
February 18, 2023
In her memoir 'The Last Days' Ali Millar vividly chronicles the internal struggles of growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, the eating disorder she developed as a teenager and her eventual departure from the church. She inhabits the complex emotional landscape of her past so vividly that it was sometimes uncomfortable to read but her writing is hypnotic and I remained absorbed. 'The Last Days' is a memoir where you get a strong sense of the cost to the author to share her experiences and also of the powerful compulsion to do so. I was left feeling so sad for all the lives that are destroyed by this malevolent cult masquerading as a religion, but also enriched and inspired by Millar's beautiful writing and her courage.
July 16, 2022
It does not surprise me that this author used writing as a means of coping with life and a way of working out where she fits in as she is a beautiful writer with excellent recall of her early life. She rightly says that this is a memoir and admits that memories can be false and are also different for different people. Jehovah’s witnesses often knocked on my door in the 1990s and I used to feel sorry for the little children who must have had to get used to doors being shut in their faces. I haven’t seen any recently but a friend of mine has a sister who became a Jehovah’s witness and I have to say she allowed her children to celebrate Christmas while not celebrating herself. Ali writes about living in a cult. She had to be very strong to escape such indoctrination and to lose her family. Readers with eating disorders will be able to relate to Ali’s anorexia and realise that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The book also talks about coercive control which is suffered by many people as well as those living in a patriarchal society such as the Jehovah’s witnesses. The role of religion is also explored and provides much food for thought. Highly recommended.
July 11, 2022
I knew very little about the Jehovah's Witness before I read this memoir. Ali Millar lays bare the the details of the the sect in a brave and profoundly moving way. She was born into the program as her mother had become a Witness before she was born, he mother uses it as a crutch and life is totally subsumed by the teachings.
Ali writes about early life as though the procession of meetings, knocking on doors to sell copies of Watertower, and the constant limiting of daily life by the elders was perfectly normal. Her enforced distance from many aspects of everyday life is shocking. Even when she rebels briefly as a teenager she is quickly pulled back in, leading to a long lasting mental illness which is largely ignored by those around her. A marriage to another Witness is unbearably sad, she isn't forced but given little choice and the marriage only increases her illness and isolation.
When she finally breaks away it is heartbreaking as she is forced to make the most unbearable of choices.
I urge everyone to read The Last Days, it is a searing indictment of the Jehovah's Witness, an unflinching picture of anorexia and in the end, a story of true courage.
Thank you to #netgalley #penguinrandom and#eburypublishing for allowing me to review this ARC
Ali writes about early life as though the procession of meetings, knocking on doors to sell copies of Watertower, and the constant limiting of daily life by the elders was perfectly normal. Her enforced distance from many aspects of everyday life is shocking. Even when she rebels briefly as a teenager she is quickly pulled back in, leading to a long lasting mental illness which is largely ignored by those around her. A marriage to another Witness is unbearably sad, she isn't forced but given little choice and the marriage only increases her illness and isolation.
When she finally breaks away it is heartbreaking as she is forced to make the most unbearable of choices.
I urge everyone to read The Last Days, it is a searing indictment of the Jehovah's Witness, an unflinching picture of anorexia and in the end, a story of true courage.
Thank you to #netgalley #penguinrandom and#eburypublishing for allowing me to review this ARC
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