We Have To Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women And Men

by Samuel Shem, Janet Surrey, Stephen Bergman

“We have to talk.” For many men, these are the four worst words in the English language, especially when they’re uttered by a female partner. But it doesn’t have to be that way, argue Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey in their pathbreaking and practical new book. “Male relational dread”—that all-too-familiar reaction set off by women’s “relational yearnings”—can be tamed, and in its place can emerge true satisfaction for men and women.To demonstrate how this is done, Shem and Surrey take us behind the scenes of their popular workshops. We hear couples speak intimately about anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and sex. We watch them wrestle collectively with the gender divide in their relationships—the deep disconnects, or “impasses,” that reflect the vastly different developmental paths men and women have traveled. We see couples learn to bridge the poles of dread and yearning, to emerge from isolation into mutuality. We witness their moments of sadness, humor, and, ultimately, discovery.Filled with moving stories of real people struggling with real problems, We Have to Talk shatters the “rules” and offers dramatic proof that men and women are not from different planets after all. It is certain to be seen as the relationship book for the new millennium.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

238 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

Samuel Shem (b. 1944) is the pen name of the American psychiatrist Stephen Joseph Bergman. His main works are The House of God and Mount Misery, both fictional but close-to-real first-hand descriptions of the training of doctors in the United States.
Of Jewish descent, Bergman was a Rhodes Scholar at Balliol College, Oxford in 1966, and was tutored by Denis Noble FRS, cardiac physiologist and later head of the Oxford Cardiac Electrophysiology Group. In an address to Noble's retirement party at Balliol, he related that Noble's response to Bergman's attempt to become a writer was to ply him with copious sherry. He graduated from Harvard College and Harvard Medical School.
He was an intern at Beth Israel Hospital (subsequently renamed Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center) ,which inspired the book The House of God.
As of 2017, Bergman is a member of the faculty of the New York University School of Medicine at NYU Langone Medical Center.
Shem's play Bill W. and Dr. Bob had an Off Broadway run at New World Stage in New York City. It ran for 132 performances and closed on June 10, 2007. The New York Times called it "an insightful new play."

Reviews

[Joel Moorhead · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read, roadmaps to more comfortable conversations that encourage understanding of gender differences and build lasting relationships. Highly recommended

[Vita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes an oldie but rally great reseaerch