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Swan Dive: The Making of a Rogue Ballerina
'Swan Dive is to ballet what Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential was to restaurants, a chance to go behind the serene front of house to the sweaty, foul-mouthed, psychofrenzy backstage.' – Daisy Goodwin, Sunday TimesIn this love letter to the art of dance, Georgina Pazcoguin, New York City Ballet’s first Asian American female soloist, lays bare the backstage world of elite ballet.With an unapologetic sense of humour about the cut-throat mentality required, Pazcoguin takes us from her small home town in Pennsylvania to training for one of the most revered ballet companies in the world – a company that was rocked by scandal in the wake of the #MeToo movement. Pazcoguin continues to be one of the few dancers openly speaking up against harassment, abuse and racism – all of which she has painfully experienced firsthand.Tying together Pazcoguin’s fight for equality with an infectious passion for her craft, Swan Dive is a page-turning, one-of-a-kind memoir that guarantees you’ll never view a ballerina or a ballet the same way again.'Always arresting onstage, Georgina Pazcoguin gives us a take on the ballet world that is witty and from the heart. An eye-opening read.' – Mikhail Baryshnikov'A funny, poignant and shocking read . . . [Pazcoguin] punctures, with enormous glee, the stereotype of the ballet dancer as an elegant, ethereal being.' – Fiona Sturges, Guardian
260 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 27, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 280 reviews
August 29, 2021
Sadly, a dnf. I love ballet, I used to go to Covent Garden to see the Royal Ballet, I was hoping for something more than reportage of what the author did. I was hoping to read something about the internal structure of a ballet company, how it worked, some introspection even, since the author says she is, 'rogue' but I've read over half the book, and haven't seen that at all.
She says she had to fight racism in the ballet company all the time. I'm not doubting her, but I don't see it in the few examples she gave. She says she didn't get on with the director, Peter, who liked tall, thin blondes and his racism showed in demanding that her body type, mixed Filipino and white, conform to theirs. But then again she says that 'the fat talk' is pretty common, and he praised and promoted her for her ability. In fact her whole ballet life from childhood has been praise and promotion for her ability, artistry and what she calls her 'magic'. I'd love to see her dance, I don't really like videos of ballets, they don't convey the sheer physicality of it to me, just the artistry which is only half the story.
The New York Times said the book was a page turner. It was right, I couldn't wait to turn them. It was a really uninteresting book but not an uninteresting author. She came across as a really nice and interesting person, someone who would be an absolute live wire, really good company. I expect the book was ghost-written. She needs a far better writer to tell her story. I'm sure in years to come, she will write another, and it will be more interesting and a better read than this rather shallow tome.
A note on reviewing books.
"Adrenaline is a great fucking drug", is the first sentence of the introduction. That made me smile, 'rogue' is right! I wish the book had lived up to it for me, but the book didn't resonate with me.
She says she had to fight racism in the ballet company all the time. I'm not doubting her, but I don't see it in the few examples she gave. She says she didn't get on with the director, Peter, who liked tall, thin blondes and his racism showed in demanding that her body type, mixed Filipino and white, conform to theirs. But then again she says that 'the fat talk' is pretty common, and he praised and promoted her for her ability. In fact her whole ballet life from childhood has been praise and promotion for her ability, artistry and what she calls her 'magic'. I'd love to see her dance, I don't really like videos of ballets, they don't convey the sheer physicality of it to me, just the artistry which is only half the story.
The New York Times said the book was a page turner. It was right, I couldn't wait to turn them. It was a really uninteresting book but not an uninteresting author. She came across as a really nice and interesting person, someone who would be an absolute live wire, really good company. I expect the book was ghost-written. She needs a far better writer to tell her story. I'm sure in years to come, she will write another, and it will be more interesting and a better read than this rather shallow tome.
A note on reviewing books.
"Adrenaline is a great fucking drug", is the first sentence of the introduction. That made me smile, 'rogue' is right! I wish the book had lived up to it for me, but the book didn't resonate with me.
August 6, 2021
My knowledge of ballet consists of those few moves that consistently appear in crossword puzzles: "jete", "plie", and "eleve". I've never seen a ballet and the only thing that comes close is having watched the Natalie Portman movie "Black Swan" in which she plays a committed but tragic ballerina. I loved that movie and I also enjoy reading memoirs by people whose lives are very different from my own. Bonus points if I also learn new things.
When I saw Swan Dive, I was immediately taken in by the cover. Such a cool photo of the author! And since it's about ballet, something I don't know much about, I had to read it.
With memoirs, I'm usually a love it or hate it person. This one has me firmly on the "love it" side. I was captivated from the beginning when Georgina (Gina) discovered a passion for ballet at the age of four. She takes us through her teen years and into adulthood, through her years in the School of American Ballet and later her career with the New York City Ballet company.
I was enthralled throughout. I love Gina's writing style; it's intimate and sassy and revealing. The "f" word is used a bit too much... I got the sense she was trying to prove her "rogueness" but maybe she always f's this and f's that. Which is fine, I'm no prude. Fuck is one of my favourite words. It's satisfying and versatile. I think, however, that it's more powerful if infrequently used.
Still, it's Gina's book, not mine. There's a lot to love about this memoir if you can handle the f bombs. Actually, they aren't bombs, there's too many of them. They're like little bb pellets after a while.
I was shocked, and not shocked at the same time, to learn how prevalent misogyny and racism is in the ballet world. It's a tough business. Gina's strength amazed me, along with her drive and perseverance, traits that are required to excel as a ballerina. The mental abuse she endured over the years is horrific. And yet she prevailed, becoming the the New York City Ballet’s first Asian American soloist.
There are several photos included in this book that inspired me to google even more. How anyone's body can bend into the positions ballerinas effortlessly (seemingly) display is beyond me. Ballet looks graceful and beautiful and yet underneath it all lurks a world that is often dark and ugly and brutal. I am in awe of Georgina's talent and fortitude and glad to have read this book.
When I saw Swan Dive, I was immediately taken in by the cover. Such a cool photo of the author! And since it's about ballet, something I don't know much about, I had to read it.
With memoirs, I'm usually a love it or hate it person. This one has me firmly on the "love it" side. I was captivated from the beginning when Georgina (Gina) discovered a passion for ballet at the age of four. She takes us through her teen years and into adulthood, through her years in the School of American Ballet and later her career with the New York City Ballet company.
I was enthralled throughout. I love Gina's writing style; it's intimate and sassy and revealing. The "f" word is used a bit too much... I got the sense she was trying to prove her "rogueness" but maybe she always f's this and f's that. Which is fine, I'm no prude. Fuck is one of my favourite words. It's satisfying and versatile. I think, however, that it's more powerful if infrequently used.
Still, it's Gina's book, not mine. There's a lot to love about this memoir if you can handle the f bombs. Actually, they aren't bombs, there's too many of them. They're like little bb pellets after a while.
I was shocked, and not shocked at the same time, to learn how prevalent misogyny and racism is in the ballet world. It's a tough business. Gina's strength amazed me, along with her drive and perseverance, traits that are required to excel as a ballerina. The mental abuse she endured over the years is horrific. And yet she prevailed, becoming the the New York City Ballet’s first Asian American soloist.
There are several photos included in this book that inspired me to google even more. How anyone's body can bend into the positions ballerinas effortlessly (seemingly) display is beyond me. Ballet looks graceful and beautiful and yet underneath it all lurks a world that is often dark and ugly and brutal. I am in awe of Georgina's talent and fortitude and glad to have read this book.
August 13, 2021
5 Stars for Swan Dive (audiobook) by Georgina Pazcoguin read by the author.
This was a wonderful glimpse into the world of ballet. The author really opens up about what it takes to be a professional dancer. All of the hardships and successes. It’s hard for me to comprehend the dedication these dancers have for their art. They often start out as children beginning to hone their craft. I love getting to see ballet live and books like this help me appreciate what it takes to be a dancer.
This was a wonderful glimpse into the world of ballet. The author really opens up about what it takes to be a professional dancer. All of the hardships and successes. It’s hard for me to comprehend the dedication these dancers have for their art. They often start out as children beginning to hone their craft. I love getting to see ballet live and books like this help me appreciate what it takes to be a dancer.
March 4, 2021
Firstly, F bombs and MFers/ing don’t bother me when spoken. I’ve been known, on occasion, to drop a few myself. However, when in print they become tiresome. It appears that this unbelievably talented dancer at the elite NYCB seems to think that F bombs constitute going rogue. For the most part, she toed the line under the artistic direction of tyrannical Peter Martins. This understandable given Martins power to make or break a career that requires decades of dedication, sacrifice, and pain. Did I mention pain? Acutely self aware, she recognizes her complicity.
While Pazcoguin never diminishes her deep respect for her art and other artists, she pulls no punches about the physically and mentally abusive environment that is the rarefied world of being a member of NYCB. She also takes on the blatant racism that is pervasive within ballet. In addition, she provides more than a glimpse at the life of a ballerina from the corps to soloist and she does this with wit, unabashed honesty, and a bit of mischief that releases tension within her stressful sphere. If you ever have the opportunity to see her dance take it because this woman can dance like a MFer.
While Pazcoguin never diminishes her deep respect for her art and other artists, she pulls no punches about the physically and mentally abusive environment that is the rarefied world of being a member of NYCB. She also takes on the blatant racism that is pervasive within ballet. In addition, she provides more than a glimpse at the life of a ballerina from the corps to soloist and she does this with wit, unabashed honesty, and a bit of mischief that releases tension within her stressful sphere. If you ever have the opportunity to see her dance take it because this woman can dance like a MFer.
November 21, 2023
A wonderful memoir. Georgina is relatable, open, and humorous. She held a light to a lot of the toxic and harmful culture of ballet, but also allows the beauty of dance to shine through. I found her inspirational and admired her talent and dedication, even more so with being the first Asian-American soloist for her company.
February 18, 2025
3.5 stars. While the author's personality fell a little flat and her ego felt a bit inflated (I'm being very generous here), it WAS fascinating to get behind the scenes of the cutthroat ballet world. The stories of brutal physicality and scandal and harsh critique are exactly as you'd expect.
December 12, 2023
Pazcoguin seems like a live-wire person and dancer who is passionate about her art but still a modern young woman with a fearless approach to life - despite all that, this is an uneven book that lurches from topic to topic and doesn't hang together coherently. It's not nearly as introspective about the history and discipline of ballet as other memoirs I've read and, as Pazcoguin was a soloist rather than prima ballerina, it doesn't involve the intense concern with creating roles on stage as, say, Dancing on My Grave by Gelsey Kirkland.
Nevertheless, it gives some insight into training and dancing for the NYCB. Some of the topics feel a little tick-box: the artistic vision that expects ballerinas and the often princess characters they play to conform to certain physical stereotypes; the pressure on mind and body; the relentless competition that means an injury sparks other dancers to claim a role while the injured dancer is still writhing on the ground in agony. One of the shock moments for me was when Pazcoguin has lipo on her inner thighs to please her instructors.
Listening to the audiobook, this is sparse on a sense of a company and the dance roles but it's interesting to get a perspective from a vibrant and outspoken dancer trying to forge her own way within an art form that is still in love with the past.
Nevertheless, it gives some insight into training and dancing for the NYCB. Some of the topics feel a little tick-box: the artistic vision that expects ballerinas and the often princess characters they play to conform to certain physical stereotypes; the pressure on mind and body; the relentless competition that means an injury sparks other dancers to claim a role while the injured dancer is still writhing on the ground in agony. One of the shock moments for me was when Pazcoguin has lipo on her inner thighs to please her instructors.
Listening to the audiobook, this is sparse on a sense of a company and the dance roles but it's interesting to get a perspective from a vibrant and outspoken dancer trying to forge her own way within an art form that is still in love with the past.
September 26, 2021
I'm a sucker for a good behind-the-scenes ballet tell-all and I appreciate the I'm-not-another-cookie-cutter-snowflake stance, but the motherfucking mouth on this fucking ballerina who can fucking dance like shit kinda took the fun out of being rogue. Also felt very disjointed. I imagine this was an editor's nightmare.
June 16, 2021
Swan Dive by Georgina Pazcoguin is an amazing memoir that gives the reader an insider look at the captivating world of professional ballet.
Once upon a time, many years ago I was a ballet dancer focusing specifically on pointe. Was I ever going to be professional? Oh, definitely not. However, my love and passion for this art and the profound athletic ability and discipline needed will never falter. That is why I knew I had to read this gem.
The author takes us deep within the NYCB and gives us a look at what it takes to take things to the next level. She also gives us a peak on some of the other disappointing aspects that have taken place: racism, intimidation, unneeded pressure, and some of the darker elements that have ran rampant in the past. Through it all she has overcome many obstacles, fought many battles (some that are totally unacceptable to begin with), and has survived to tell her story.
This is honest, raw, real, passionate, and fascinating. I highly recommend it.
5/5 stars
Thank you NG and Henry Holt & Company for this wonderful arc and in return I am submitting my unbiased and voluntary review and opinion.
I am posting this review to my GR and Bookbub accounts immediately and will post it to my Amazon, Instagram, and B&N accounts upon publication.
Once upon a time, many years ago I was a ballet dancer focusing specifically on pointe. Was I ever going to be professional? Oh, definitely not. However, my love and passion for this art and the profound athletic ability and discipline needed will never falter. That is why I knew I had to read this gem.
The author takes us deep within the NYCB and gives us a look at what it takes to take things to the next level. She also gives us a peak on some of the other disappointing aspects that have taken place: racism, intimidation, unneeded pressure, and some of the darker elements that have ran rampant in the past. Through it all she has overcome many obstacles, fought many battles (some that are totally unacceptable to begin with), and has survived to tell her story.
This is honest, raw, real, passionate, and fascinating. I highly recommend it.
5/5 stars
Thank you NG and Henry Holt & Company for this wonderful arc and in return I am submitting my unbiased and voluntary review and opinion.
I am posting this review to my GR and Bookbub accounts immediately and will post it to my Amazon, Instagram, and B&N accounts upon publication.
July 30, 2021
Swan Dive is a story of ballet, struggle, life. Georgina Pazcoguin brings a special brand of humor to her story.
I’d recommend this book to anyone who enjoys ballet, or simply those who are interested in the inner workings of elite institutions and the incredible demands placed on these young professionals.
I’d recommend this book to anyone who enjoys ballet, or simply those who are interested in the inner workings of elite institutions and the incredible demands placed on these young professionals.
October 3, 2021
The book was all over the place.
August 16, 2021
If you think reading this book is just a waste of your time reading about some boring ballerina and the snooty art lovers of New York City, you are totally off base and do not have any idea of what this book is about. Georgina Pazcoguin grew up as a little girl in love with dance and ballet in Altona, PA. She was good enough at the local classes to win a scholarship to the School of American Ballet in NYC in her early teens. Basically on her own in high school in New York City had a profound effect on her. It made her brave, adventurous, and wanting to get better and better at what she always wanted; a chance to be a premiere ballerina in the big time of NYC. She was good enough at SAB to be selected for a try out with New York City Ballet company. The big time. These 100 select people range in age from 16 to 40 and put on about 100 performances a year in NYC and tours in Europe and Japan. To stay on the NYCB you must become basically a professional athlete equal in part to the NBA and NFL. You are judged on every practice and every performance and your dance time is handed out accordingly. You must work your way up the ladder to the first team and soloist slots just as you would in pro sports. As a matter of fact these people who make up the company of NYCB are every bit the athletes that the big time professional football stars are. Probably better.
Gina gives details of what they have to go through to practice and perform in the ballet shows where the rules are no missing practices or else, keeping in tip top shape or else, and performing when you are hurt or hurting or else. This is a biography not so much about Gina as it is a biography about a JOB!
Gina's ability to tell a story and give you a feel of what the company players go through is what makes the book especially enjoyable . I was really interested in their training methods and their ability to maintain stamina throughout the week and perform sometimes 2 and 3 shows a day during the Christmas season when the tourist season is hot and they are on demand as a staple of NYC couture. She weaves her stories with humor and behind the scenes mayhem, along with New York City Cussin'. It often comes in the heat of a moment or during a slip up or fall she takes. She also details her bosses there. NYCB was run for many years by Peter Martins a my way or the highway kind of guy who ruled NYCB with an iron fist. She was always on the look out for Peter who kept holding her back from what she wanted in the shows or in her career. She was good enough however, that he could not hold her forward progress back forever.
If you have ever witnessed ballet in person, you are seeing only a fraction of what these dancers go through. Every teenager who wishes to make the big time should read this book. It will give them a roadmap of what they have to do and what will be expected of them in a career of professional everyday ballet.
I did not want the story to end. I enjoyed reading it as someone who also cares very deeply about what I do in life with my job. There are many similar things that have happened to me in my life with professionalism, and dedication speeches given by superiors as either motivation or threats.
I understood this book completely and I have never ever been to the ballet or had any interest in the artform. I however do RESPECT every single performer one hundred fold more now than before reading this biography. I tip my hat to Gina who got to live out the life she wanted when she was a child. Very few people in life ever could say that and say they were happy doing it.
4 stars for SWAN DIVE by GEORGINA PAZCOUGUIN. A very enjoyable book.
Gina gives details of what they have to go through to practice and perform in the ballet shows where the rules are no missing practices or else, keeping in tip top shape or else, and performing when you are hurt or hurting or else. This is a biography not so much about Gina as it is a biography about a JOB!
Gina's ability to tell a story and give you a feel of what the company players go through is what makes the book especially enjoyable . I was really interested in their training methods and their ability to maintain stamina throughout the week and perform sometimes 2 and 3 shows a day during the Christmas season when the tourist season is hot and they are on demand as a staple of NYC couture. She weaves her stories with humor and behind the scenes mayhem, along with New York City Cussin'. It often comes in the heat of a moment or during a slip up or fall she takes. She also details her bosses there. NYCB was run for many years by Peter Martins a my way or the highway kind of guy who ruled NYCB with an iron fist. She was always on the look out for Peter who kept holding her back from what she wanted in the shows or in her career. She was good enough however, that he could not hold her forward progress back forever.
If you have ever witnessed ballet in person, you are seeing only a fraction of what these dancers go through. Every teenager who wishes to make the big time should read this book. It will give them a roadmap of what they have to do and what will be expected of them in a career of professional everyday ballet.
I did not want the story to end. I enjoyed reading it as someone who also cares very deeply about what I do in life with my job. There are many similar things that have happened to me in my life with professionalism, and dedication speeches given by superiors as either motivation or threats.
I understood this book completely and I have never ever been to the ballet or had any interest in the artform. I however do RESPECT every single performer one hundred fold more now than before reading this biography. I tip my hat to Gina who got to live out the life she wanted when she was a child. Very few people in life ever could say that and say they were happy doing it.
4 stars for SWAN DIVE by GEORGINA PAZCOUGUIN. A very enjoyable book.
Read
March 17, 2025I'd heard this book was a trainwreck, that it was awful, that...
I loved it.
I felt like Gina was talking to me. It was chatty, it was goofy, it was FUN. Yeah, okay, it glosses over some of the big issues (there's just "When things happened with Peter..." and I'm not really certain exactly what DID happen, and I'd have liked to know more about Final Bow for Yellowface), but is the book meant to crusade, or to be the story of Georgina's rise and struggles and her individual story? Yes, the big issues are a huge part of that, but... Is it really her responsibility to jump on a soapbox? We'd have had an entirely different book, and I'm not sure it would have been better.
Anyway, I adored this. I loved the look behind the curtain, I loved the details into her life, into the stupidity of the racism, into her fun stories of it all. I want more.
I loved it.
I felt like Gina was talking to me. It was chatty, it was goofy, it was FUN. Yeah, okay, it glosses over some of the big issues (there's just "When things happened with Peter..." and I'm not really certain exactly what DID happen, and I'd have liked to know more about Final Bow for Yellowface), but is the book meant to crusade, or to be the story of Georgina's rise and struggles and her individual story? Yes, the big issues are a huge part of that, but... Is it really her responsibility to jump on a soapbox? We'd have had an entirely different book, and I'm not sure it would have been better.
Anyway, I adored this. I loved the look behind the curtain, I loved the details into her life, into the stupidity of the racism, into her fun stories of it all. I want more.
July 22, 2021
I did ballet from about age 5 until I was a freshman in high school, and then I did another semester in college. I was never good. At all. I am completely inflexible, have terrible turnout, and a couple of physical therapist have said I'm the worst pronator they've ever seen (meaning, I really, really roll over on my arches.) I actually was decent at pointe. The shoes didn't hurt me much at all, and my balance was okay. I never face-planted in center work, and I didn't have bleeding toes. But that's not enough to make up for everything else. That's okay though. I think we shouldn't quit something just because we don't excel. After all, someone has to be in the corps. Someone has to play right field (my sister also sucked at softball and yet played it for a decade.) Not everyone can be a prima ballerina, but that doesn't mean everyone else should quit. And yet, I know a bit about professional ballet as I have two cousins who excelled for a long time--one danced the Mouse King role in the Nutcracker in New York (I don't know with which production) and another danced with the Joffrey for several years, also in New York. The latter is still dancing modern professionally, in her mid-30s, which is impressive as hell.
Tl;dr I gravitate towards a book on ballet like a magnet. I downloaded this book the day it was available, the same day it was added to the catalog. I started reading it that night.
Wow, Gina is not like any of the ballet dancers I have known. All of my colleagues were pretty quiet introverts. Neither of my cousins are especially wild or crazy. Gina Pazcoguin is a ball of electricity. She worked her butt off day and night and then would go out partying after. (Only once did she come to class the next morning without going to bed first, but once was enough to impress me!) While she comes across as less rigid and workaholic as Misty Copeland, she obviously is--she just doesn't focus on it. I think the workaholism comes more naturally to Gina and therefore she doesn't think about it as much, it just is. She mentions recovering from a stress fracture in her foot in passing, and a dozen other injuries which she doesn't dwell on at all (so when she does talk about one in any detail, you know it was serious!)
She does really get into the casting and the backstage politics, and how there's an A cast and a B cast for each show, and boy the B cast is... differently complected than the A cast. Yikes. And yet, if you complain, you'll be cut entirely. Because she's half Filipina, she's usually cast as the villain, the joke, or in the background if it's a more classical ballet, which the management at the New York City Ballet thinks she can't do, because they won't cast her in it. (She's danced the Sugar Plum Fairy a bunch of times... in other cities for other companies as a freelance gig. She really can do it.) Just to show how messed up things were there, until LAST YEAR, the bosses were referred to as "Ballet Masters." Seriously. "Masters." Now they are "Rehearsal Directors" which makes much more sense, thank you for joining us in the 21st century, 20 years late.
Gina does fight for more equity for dancers of color, but it's a dangerous battle as it very well might mean her job. Not to mention the people she's fighting can and do undermine her self-esteem at every opportunity, which is an excellent way to keep underlings firmly under your thumb. In almost no other job can someone 20 pounds underweight be told that her thighs are too fat and she should do her job--which requires about 12 hours a day of athleticism--on 600 calories a day. No wonder things are so messed up in the world of ballet--can you imagine the hanger? When EVERYONE is doing that?
So come along for the ride! It's a wild and crazy story and Gina's not done yet. She's now performed in a few Broadway shows, which is unusual for a ballet dancer (and was eye-opening as she saw how the cast of "Cats" was treated so well and fairly and wasn't overworked and underpaid and sexually harassed.) She's worked on revivals and a very cool program to try to recreate dances from very early Broadway that never were recorded or written down.
She's the first Asian-American soloist for the New York City Ballet, and boy did she work hard for that. Will she ever get the recognition she deserves? I don't know, but I will now seek her out in performances. What a badass.
Tl;dr I gravitate towards a book on ballet like a magnet. I downloaded this book the day it was available, the same day it was added to the catalog. I started reading it that night.
Wow, Gina is not like any of the ballet dancers I have known. All of my colleagues were pretty quiet introverts. Neither of my cousins are especially wild or crazy. Gina Pazcoguin is a ball of electricity. She worked her butt off day and night and then would go out partying after. (Only once did she come to class the next morning without going to bed first, but once was enough to impress me!) While she comes across as less rigid and workaholic as Misty Copeland, she obviously is--she just doesn't focus on it. I think the workaholism comes more naturally to Gina and therefore she doesn't think about it as much, it just is. She mentions recovering from a stress fracture in her foot in passing, and a dozen other injuries which she doesn't dwell on at all (so when she does talk about one in any detail, you know it was serious!)
She does really get into the casting and the backstage politics, and how there's an A cast and a B cast for each show, and boy the B cast is... differently complected than the A cast. Yikes. And yet, if you complain, you'll be cut entirely. Because she's half Filipina, she's usually cast as the villain, the joke, or in the background if it's a more classical ballet, which the management at the New York City Ballet thinks she can't do, because they won't cast her in it. (She's danced the Sugar Plum Fairy a bunch of times... in other cities for other companies as a freelance gig. She really can do it.) Just to show how messed up things were there, until LAST YEAR, the bosses were referred to as "Ballet Masters." Seriously. "Masters." Now they are "Rehearsal Directors" which makes much more sense, thank you for joining us in the 21st century, 20 years late.
Gina does fight for more equity for dancers of color, but it's a dangerous battle as it very well might mean her job. Not to mention the people she's fighting can and do undermine her self-esteem at every opportunity, which is an excellent way to keep underlings firmly under your thumb. In almost no other job can someone 20 pounds underweight be told that her thighs are too fat and she should do her job--which requires about 12 hours a day of athleticism--on 600 calories a day. No wonder things are so messed up in the world of ballet--can you imagine the hanger? When EVERYONE is doing that?
So come along for the ride! It's a wild and crazy story and Gina's not done yet. She's now performed in a few Broadway shows, which is unusual for a ballet dancer (and was eye-opening as she saw how the cast of "Cats" was treated so well and fairly and wasn't overworked and underpaid and sexually harassed.) She's worked on revivals and a very cool program to try to recreate dances from very early Broadway that never were recorded or written down.
She's the first Asian-American soloist for the New York City Ballet, and boy did she work hard for that. Will she ever get the recognition she deserves? I don't know, but I will now seek her out in performances. What a badass.
December 27, 2021
I’m very on board for behind-the-scenes drama and scoop about NYCB, but this did not really deliver on that front and the writing is offensively bad (so much foul language and usage of slang like “AF”). I admire Gina’s dancing a great deal and I see she’s trying to build a brand for herself as a “rogue ballerina.” More power to her! She seems like a forceful woman and i wish her all the best. But this book is filled with contradictions in behavior, tone, and content. It feels like she hates her job and everyone she works with — even though the few anecdotes she shares about others’ objectionable behavior don’t really deliver in terms of scandal — but she assures us in the end how grateful she is for her career and colleagues. She also declares herself to be a victim of abuse by Peter Martins but the examples she gives of his treatment of her are frankly underwhelming for anyone who’s had a difficult boss or spent more than a brief time in the artistic world. And she complains about another dancer’s inappropriate acts toward her that went on for years without her objection but then she has a whole chapter about what great drinking buddies they are.
With a highly skilled editor and co-author/ghost writer this could have made a decent Vanity Fair article, maybe. Instead, she and her team went for broke with a full book without the material or writing/editing to fill it, so the result is disjointed and disappointing.
If you want an interesting memoir about NYCB in the vein of a tell-all, i highly recommend the much older but far better written and more substantive Dancing on My Grave by Gelsey Kirkland and Winter Season by Toni Bentley.
With a highly skilled editor and co-author/ghost writer this could have made a decent Vanity Fair article, maybe. Instead, she and her team went for broke with a full book without the material or writing/editing to fill it, so the result is disjointed and disappointing.
If you want an interesting memoir about NYCB in the vein of a tell-all, i highly recommend the much older but far better written and more substantive Dancing on My Grave by Gelsey Kirkland and Winter Season by Toni Bentley.
December 7, 2021
Pretty cool how this book, the structure, and prose, the narration, the author, the whole story - it was all the complete opposite of the rigidity and formality and constraint one has come to expect from capital-B “BALLET.” An exuberant chaos. She seems like the real deal, a true passionate (and naturally gifted) artist and upstander for positive cultural change in the arts. Absolutely love that the author has formed an AAPI activist dance company. For some reason, this memoir still didn’t resonate/connect with me quite as much as I hoped, and I’m not sure why but am pretty sure it’s just a personal issue - honestly, I think I’m just kind of over ballet for life at this point, it’s too little too late for me to get those years back! - but I still admire and recommend the book, especially for those who still have some space for ballet left in their hearts. Read on audio and could not really imagine otherwise since the style is very conversational and seems to be in the author’s own voice.
August 10, 2021
A disappointment. I really wanted to like this book because Georgina "Gina" Pazcoguin comes across as a likeable, fun person. Also, I've watched her dance several times at Lincoln Center and have long regarded her as an excellent, skilled and charismatic dancer.
The strongest part of the book is when Pazcoguin talks about how she's the only female New York City Ballet soloist who has never been allowed to dance the Sugar Plum Fairy, in spite of being MORE than qualified. There is no excuse for that. The inequities in the casting process she experiences are egregious.
A section on how she got liposuction on her thighs while in peak form as a dancer is both shocking and powerful, though more detail about the healing process and whether the benefits (if there were any) lasted would have been helpful. It is difficult to fathom any doctor would have performed that surgery. Do other ballet dancers get cosmetic procedures, too?
The book's strengths are hidden inside a narrative that at times is confusing. It feels disorganized, meandering in time from past to present and back again, and is written in a conversational style that I found jarring - lots of crass language, and very little attention to sentence structure.
The biggest weakness is that Pazcoguin's firsthand insights offer surprisingly little new information. Before reading the book, I read the New York Times story about it, and an excerpt in Elle, and those articles hit all the high points. There was honestly no reason for me to read the book, though I had to read the book to realize that.
Can't recommend this one, though she does get three stars for courage.
The strongest part of the book is when Pazcoguin talks about how she's the only female New York City Ballet soloist who has never been allowed to dance the Sugar Plum Fairy, in spite of being MORE than qualified. There is no excuse for that. The inequities in the casting process she experiences are egregious.
A section on how she got liposuction on her thighs while in peak form as a dancer is both shocking and powerful, though more detail about the healing process and whether the benefits (if there were any) lasted would have been helpful. It is difficult to fathom any doctor would have performed that surgery. Do other ballet dancers get cosmetic procedures, too?
The book's strengths are hidden inside a narrative that at times is confusing. It feels disorganized, meandering in time from past to present and back again, and is written in a conversational style that I found jarring - lots of crass language, and very little attention to sentence structure.
The biggest weakness is that Pazcoguin's firsthand insights offer surprisingly little new information. Before reading the book, I read the New York Times story about it, and an excerpt in Elle, and those articles hit all the high points. There was honestly no reason for me to read the book, though I had to read the book to realize that.
Can't recommend this one, though she does get three stars for courage.
August 17, 2021
Georgina Pazcoguin, the Rogue Ballerina, lays bare her life as the first Asian American soloist in the New York City Ballet, a company - and profession - where blatant misogyny, emotional abuse, sexual misconduct, and racism are/were largely ignored and accepted as normal. She’s strong and honest and persisted through the bullshit. I loved the “Nutbuster” (Nutcracker) stories and her foray into Broadway. Solid memoir!
June 17, 2021
"Maybe we knew that when trying to forge ahead in one of the most competitive environments in the world, one doesn't always want complete clarity of mind." From Swan Dive
5 stars
Warnings: sexual assault, adultry, eating disorders
Fun and flippant prose is used to spill all sorts of tea in this fantastic memoir. There is a fair amount of ballet autobiographies that skip some of the juicy or controversial bits, and this was a refreshing deviation from that norm. You can see how Paz got the rep of being the "rogue ballerina". Pazcoguin grants readers an all access pass behind the scenes in a conversational way that makes you feel like you are catching up with a friend. She tackles some sensitive subjects with enough self awareness to recognize what her complicity has created. From her description of Balanchine's Theme and Variations, to confiding one wild performance where she danced topless after a costume malfunction, this book will keep you laughing and reading.
Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
5 stars
Warnings: sexual assault, adultry, eating disorders
Fun and flippant prose is used to spill all sorts of tea in this fantastic memoir. There is a fair amount of ballet autobiographies that skip some of the juicy or controversial bits, and this was a refreshing deviation from that norm. You can see how Paz got the rep of being the "rogue ballerina". Pazcoguin grants readers an all access pass behind the scenes in a conversational way that makes you feel like you are catching up with a friend. She tackles some sensitive subjects with enough self awareness to recognize what her complicity has created. From her description of Balanchine's Theme and Variations, to confiding one wild performance where she danced topless after a costume malfunction, this book will keep you laughing and reading.
Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
August 18, 2021
Swan Dive by Georgina Pazcoguin was an amazing 5-star biography.
Georgina has worked so hard to get to where she is now, and in her memoir, she uncovers her life as the first Asian American soloist ballet dancer. We learn how she left her hometown in Pennsylvania before finishing high school to be trained as a professional athlete in New York, away from her parents.
Gina reveals the ugly truth about the institution, where dancers constantly deal with sexual transgression, discrimination, and emotional abuse and how they are mostly ignored. I admired Gina’s energy and strength, and I really respected her courage to fight with Peter Martins, the former head of NYCB on these issues.
I devoured this well-written, truthful, and humorous memoir.
Many thanks to Henry Holt and Co. for this gifted copy.
Georgina has worked so hard to get to where she is now, and in her memoir, she uncovers her life as the first Asian American soloist ballet dancer. We learn how she left her hometown in Pennsylvania before finishing high school to be trained as a professional athlete in New York, away from her parents.
Gina reveals the ugly truth about the institution, where dancers constantly deal with sexual transgression, discrimination, and emotional abuse and how they are mostly ignored. I admired Gina’s energy and strength, and I really respected her courage to fight with Peter Martins, the former head of NYCB on these issues.
I devoured this well-written, truthful, and humorous memoir.
Many thanks to Henry Holt and Co. for this gifted copy.
July 30, 2021
I had this book on pre-order and literally counted the days until it appeared on my Kindle. I devoured it in less than 48 hours. I've been a ballet fan, specifically New York City Ballet, since I was a teenager. I attended my first live City Ballet performance when I was in college, and saw Suzanne Farrell and yes, Peter Martins perform. (After reading about Martins in Pazcoguin's book, I'm sure re-thinking that full-length poster of him that adorned my dormitory room!) Pre-lockdown, I attended City Ballet a few times a year and was lucky enough to see Pazcoguin dance Coffee in The Nutcracker and Hippolyta in Midsummer Night's Dream, and she was a showstopper: vital, colorful, and fearless. And man, so is her book!
Aside from being a candid, funny, and well-written memoir, it is dishy as hell. I recommend pulling up the NYCB company page, so when she refers to Lauren or Tyler or you know just whom she's talking about. And when it comes to Peter Martins, the NYCB's former director, she doesn't hold back. Nor should she. She balances the funny and gossipy tone with her slowly dawning knowledge that as a brunette, biracial, Asian-American woman, she would always be relegated to "exotic" roles. It led her to pioneer a movement to address Asian stereotypes in dance. If you've ever seen "Tea" in the Nutcracker, you know what I'm talking about. And speaking of Nutcracker, if you love that ballet as much as I do, prepare to have your illusions about this Christmas staple destroyed, one by one.
So if you're a ballet fan--and even if you're not--this is one heck of a read. 4.5 stars.
(Warning: lots of profanity, descriptions of nudity, accounts of verbal abuse and fat-shaming, and much shattering of Nutcracker magic.)
Aside from being a candid, funny, and well-written memoir, it is dishy as hell. I recommend pulling up the NYCB company page, so when she refers to Lauren or Tyler or you know just whom she's talking about. And when it comes to Peter Martins, the NYCB's former director, she doesn't hold back. Nor should she. She balances the funny and gossipy tone with her slowly dawning knowledge that as a brunette, biracial, Asian-American woman, she would always be relegated to "exotic" roles. It led her to pioneer a movement to address Asian stereotypes in dance. If you've ever seen "Tea" in the Nutcracker, you know what I'm talking about. And speaking of Nutcracker, if you love that ballet as much as I do, prepare to have your illusions about this Christmas staple destroyed, one by one.
So if you're a ballet fan--and even if you're not--this is one heck of a read. 4.5 stars.
(Warning: lots of profanity, descriptions of nudity, accounts of verbal abuse and fat-shaming, and much shattering of Nutcracker magic.)
November 6, 2021
3.5
Not quite as deep or incisive as I had anticipated. Not enough of the "rogue ballerina," and most of the more interesting parts were too quickly passed over. It is a bit all over the place and it isn't always easy to see how the stories connect, but it was still okay and I could generally see the bigger picture. I wonder if she'll write something else once she's no longer with NYCB and if she'll feel more able to dig in more. And definitely interesting to hear her perspective on what happened with Peter Martins. Not bad and very easy to listen to, but I didn't love it either
Not quite as deep or incisive as I had anticipated. Not enough of the "rogue ballerina," and most of the more interesting parts were too quickly passed over. It is a bit all over the place and it isn't always easy to see how the stories connect, but it was still okay and I could generally see the bigger picture. I wonder if she'll write something else once she's no longer with NYCB and if she'll feel more able to dig in more. And definitely interesting to hear her perspective on what happened with Peter Martins. Not bad and very easy to listen to, but I didn't love it either
Read
October 11, 2021entertainingly scorched earth! worth reading for backstage ballet shenanigans.
September 13, 2021
4.5✨
In my opinion, this book is one of the most important memoirs that could've graced the world of ballet. I quit ballet this year due to an auto-immune condition that I triggered from dancing through a stress fracture, two torn ligaments and a chronic eating disorder. I'm not saying this to get any sympathy. Quite frankly, after reading this, I'm glad that I didn't make it to the company level that Georgina is part of. Reading about the fun and wild nights was so entertaining, but laced with the trauma and abuse that is intertwined into the ballet world almost makes me feel as though I've dodged a bullet.
As someone who left school in Year 9 to train full-time, I wish this book had come sooner. I always felt so alone when it came to body image and injury. "Why is she so naturally skinny?!" "How did she recover so fast from that sprain?" But this honest, raw book reassured me that I was never alone and every dancer conceals their struggles and puts up a front.
While I was aware of the scandal that occurred in 2018 at NCYB, hearing it from the first person was alarming. It still happens in companies all over the world, and I really hope that dancers who read this book are able to identify when they are being emotionally abused by the director of the company (sadly, most of whom are men).
I had an excellent time reading this book, and I love that Georgina broke down the wall between the subtle, graceful dancer that the audience sees and the 'rouge' ballerina that she really is. I felt seen and validated reading this, and I think if I had done my research as an impressionable 12-year-old, a dancer like Georgina may have been able to inspire me to be the dancer I wanted to be, not the dancer I thought I had to be in order to be valid.
While the criticism for this book on Goodreads appears to be from non-dancers, I would highly encourage any ballet dancer from schools such as ENBS, RBS, SAB etc. to give this a read. I honestly think it would be the most beneficial to anyone in that elite dancer cohort, and hopefully dissuade you from making the same poor choices that Georgina and countless other dancers (myself included) have made.
The only reason I removed 0.5 stars from my rating was that I felt some parts were a little redundant and repetitive. But I still had a good time reading it... so does it really matter??
In my opinion, this book is one of the most important memoirs that could've graced the world of ballet. I quit ballet this year due to an auto-immune condition that I triggered from dancing through a stress fracture, two torn ligaments and a chronic eating disorder. I'm not saying this to get any sympathy. Quite frankly, after reading this, I'm glad that I didn't make it to the company level that Georgina is part of. Reading about the fun and wild nights was so entertaining, but laced with the trauma and abuse that is intertwined into the ballet world almost makes me feel as though I've dodged a bullet.
As someone who left school in Year 9 to train full-time, I wish this book had come sooner. I always felt so alone when it came to body image and injury. "Why is she so naturally skinny?!" "How did she recover so fast from that sprain?" But this honest, raw book reassured me that I was never alone and every dancer conceals their struggles and puts up a front.
While I was aware of the scandal that occurred in 2018 at NCYB, hearing it from the first person was alarming. It still happens in companies all over the world, and I really hope that dancers who read this book are able to identify when they are being emotionally abused by the director of the company (sadly, most of whom are men).
I had an excellent time reading this book, and I love that Georgina broke down the wall between the subtle, graceful dancer that the audience sees and the 'rouge' ballerina that she really is. I felt seen and validated reading this, and I think if I had done my research as an impressionable 12-year-old, a dancer like Georgina may have been able to inspire me to be the dancer I wanted to be, not the dancer I thought I had to be in order to be valid.
While the criticism for this book on Goodreads appears to be from non-dancers, I would highly encourage any ballet dancer from schools such as ENBS, RBS, SAB etc. to give this a read. I honestly think it would be the most beneficial to anyone in that elite dancer cohort, and hopefully dissuade you from making the same poor choices that Georgina and countless other dancers (myself included) have made.
The only reason I removed 0.5 stars from my rating was that I felt some parts were a little redundant and repetitive. But I still had a good time reading it... so does it really matter??
August 16, 2021
Everything is not “beautiful at the ballet,” to quote the famous number from “A Chorus Line” --- far from it, if you are to believe this exceptionally frank and often scathing book by dancer Georgina Pazcoguin, the first Asian-American female soloist in the history of New York City Ballet.
I have been a fan of the company since the 1950s --- ever since I was a tubby little girl in red Mary Janes sitting mesmerized in the theater. I’ve seen star dancers come and go; founders George Balanchine and Jerome Robbins die; their replacement, Peter Martins, resign under a cloud of scandal; and a new directorial team emerge not long before the pandemic. And I’m a fan of Pazcoguin herself, a powerful and highly individual dancer who stands out from the tall blond “bunheads” in the company.
Starting in 2017, there was an avalanche of gossip about an unhealthy culture for women at New York City Ballet, focusing on accusations of sexual harassment and abusive behavior on the part of artistic director Martins (who denied them all) and several prominent male dancers (only one returned to the company, and he is now about to retire). Pazcoguin’s account confirms all this and makes it personal, highlighting the many times she locked horns with Martins (clearly the villain of the piece) and suffered provocation from fellow dancers.
She is admirably fair about the requirements of ballet, admitting that partnering can involve “nebulous” physical boundaries between man and woman (“[T]here sometimes is choreography where a man’s face will end up within intimate proximity to crotch”). Yet she insists on the difference between that and casual offstage insults: for example, being tongue-kissed by an older dancer in the elevator or having her nipples tweaked during class by someone who “assumed 24/7 access to my body.”
SWAN DIVE, however, is not just a complaint about the “toxicity” of the ballet world. While Pazcoguin is clearly invested in portraying herself as a rebel, she also possesses enormous discipline, talent, drive --- and an evident love for her art. “When all the bullshit is swept aside,” she writes, being a ballerina is “complete and utter magic.”
You read that right: Pazcoguin is fond of four-letter words. What makes her dance memoir unusual isn’t so much the subject matter --- others have dealt with body dysmorphia, eating disorders, injuries, sex, drugs, angst --- but her brash, irreverent voice. Ballet has such a pristine, formal image that it’s a shock (and, actually, rather refreshing) to see it described in such impudent terms.
The early portions of SWAN DIVE, though, are pretty typical of a dance autobiography. A little girl or boy sees a performance and falls in love. The lucky and gifted are selected first for New York City Ballet’s elite academy, School of American Ballet, and then (maybe) for the company itself. Promotions from the corps de ballet follow --- or not.
It’s when Pazcoguin gets to her years as a company member that her account takes on issues specific to Martins’ regime. The first is her body. In her very first “fat talk” with the boss, at age 17, he zeroed in on her thighs, which, according to him, weren’t thin enough. She resorted to an insane diet of 720 calories a day, developed bulimia and finally had liposuction. She has no regrets about the surgery, even though she feels that the aesthetics of ballet can and should encompass a degree of physical diversity.
The second issue is Pazcoguin’s biracial identity (her father is Filipino). “[G]enerally, if you were a member of the New York City ballet and you had black hair, you could enjoy a career of dancing in the B cast or as an evil villain,” she writes. Her own typecasting was as “an ambiguously ethnic, badass female.” Martins refused to consider her for more purely classical roles and thought of her only in “character” parts like Maria in “West Side Story Suite.” In “The Nutcracker,” the annual moneymaker that she dubs “Nutbuster,” she was inevitably given the sultry Coffee solo or, even worse, the Chinese Tea dance, in its original form “over-the-top offensive.” Ultimately, she became an activist, founding, with arts advocate and author Phil Chan, an initiative called Final Bow for Yellowface, urging dance companies to banish Asian stereotypes.
Many dancers don’t have a normal childhood or adolescence --- they sacrifice it all for ballet --- so as adults, according to Pazcoguin, they often go slightly wild in their time off. Thus SWAN DIVE devotes an awful lot of pages to unedifying subjects like the local dive bar; hangovers in company class; her affair with a married dancer; the rowdy coed-camp atmosphere in Saratoga, the company’s summer home, and on tour (do we really need a comprehensive list of her favorite international cities?). Other beefs: coy, annoying footnotes that could just as well be in the main text, and the italicized and numbered Swan Dives, or pratfalls, she inserts in the narrative (meant, I’m sure, to illustrate that ballerinas can be clumsy, too, but it’s a lame device).
Pazcoguin is at her best when talking about the texture of a dancer’s everyday existence: class, rehearsal, performance. In a couple of cases she does a play-by-play of certain sequences in ballets I know and love, and it’s thrilling. But that brings me to an important question: Who, exactly, is this book for? Not little girls, that’s for sure, as it’s too bawdy. It’s probably a great read for fully fledged ballet-loving adults who want a racy peek behind the red velvet curtain and snowy tutus. On the other hand, it’s quite in-groupy and specialized; unless you’re already familiar with the company, it may not pack much of a punch.
The appeal of SWAN DIVE may be broadened in the last part of the book, when Pazcoguin goes (temporarily) Broadway, appearing with American Dance Machine for the 21st Century (which performs excerpts from classic musicals) and in a starry revival of “Cats.” Could her “second act” lie in that world rather than at the ballet? Maybe. Now in her 30s, she doesn’t want to teach, the usual retirement path for dancers. “But,” she says, “I’ve got a biting wit and a real-estate license I’m not afraid to use.”
Good for her. Georgina Pazcoguin is gutsy, resilient and a surprisingly vivid writer. I have the feeling that no matter where tomorrow takes her, she’ll stay on point.
Reviewed by Katherine B. Weissman
I have been a fan of the company since the 1950s --- ever since I was a tubby little girl in red Mary Janes sitting mesmerized in the theater. I’ve seen star dancers come and go; founders George Balanchine and Jerome Robbins die; their replacement, Peter Martins, resign under a cloud of scandal; and a new directorial team emerge not long before the pandemic. And I’m a fan of Pazcoguin herself, a powerful and highly individual dancer who stands out from the tall blond “bunheads” in the company.
Starting in 2017, there was an avalanche of gossip about an unhealthy culture for women at New York City Ballet, focusing on accusations of sexual harassment and abusive behavior on the part of artistic director Martins (who denied them all) and several prominent male dancers (only one returned to the company, and he is now about to retire). Pazcoguin’s account confirms all this and makes it personal, highlighting the many times she locked horns with Martins (clearly the villain of the piece) and suffered provocation from fellow dancers.
She is admirably fair about the requirements of ballet, admitting that partnering can involve “nebulous” physical boundaries between man and woman (“[T]here sometimes is choreography where a man’s face will end up within intimate proximity to crotch”). Yet she insists on the difference between that and casual offstage insults: for example, being tongue-kissed by an older dancer in the elevator or having her nipples tweaked during class by someone who “assumed 24/7 access to my body.”
SWAN DIVE, however, is not just a complaint about the “toxicity” of the ballet world. While Pazcoguin is clearly invested in portraying herself as a rebel, she also possesses enormous discipline, talent, drive --- and an evident love for her art. “When all the bullshit is swept aside,” she writes, being a ballerina is “complete and utter magic.”
You read that right: Pazcoguin is fond of four-letter words. What makes her dance memoir unusual isn’t so much the subject matter --- others have dealt with body dysmorphia, eating disorders, injuries, sex, drugs, angst --- but her brash, irreverent voice. Ballet has such a pristine, formal image that it’s a shock (and, actually, rather refreshing) to see it described in such impudent terms.
The early portions of SWAN DIVE, though, are pretty typical of a dance autobiography. A little girl or boy sees a performance and falls in love. The lucky and gifted are selected first for New York City Ballet’s elite academy, School of American Ballet, and then (maybe) for the company itself. Promotions from the corps de ballet follow --- or not.
It’s when Pazcoguin gets to her years as a company member that her account takes on issues specific to Martins’ regime. The first is her body. In her very first “fat talk” with the boss, at age 17, he zeroed in on her thighs, which, according to him, weren’t thin enough. She resorted to an insane diet of 720 calories a day, developed bulimia and finally had liposuction. She has no regrets about the surgery, even though she feels that the aesthetics of ballet can and should encompass a degree of physical diversity.
The second issue is Pazcoguin’s biracial identity (her father is Filipino). “[G]enerally, if you were a member of the New York City ballet and you had black hair, you could enjoy a career of dancing in the B cast or as an evil villain,” she writes. Her own typecasting was as “an ambiguously ethnic, badass female.” Martins refused to consider her for more purely classical roles and thought of her only in “character” parts like Maria in “West Side Story Suite.” In “The Nutcracker,” the annual moneymaker that she dubs “Nutbuster,” she was inevitably given the sultry Coffee solo or, even worse, the Chinese Tea dance, in its original form “over-the-top offensive.” Ultimately, she became an activist, founding, with arts advocate and author Phil Chan, an initiative called Final Bow for Yellowface, urging dance companies to banish Asian stereotypes.
Many dancers don’t have a normal childhood or adolescence --- they sacrifice it all for ballet --- so as adults, according to Pazcoguin, they often go slightly wild in their time off. Thus SWAN DIVE devotes an awful lot of pages to unedifying subjects like the local dive bar; hangovers in company class; her affair with a married dancer; the rowdy coed-camp atmosphere in Saratoga, the company’s summer home, and on tour (do we really need a comprehensive list of her favorite international cities?). Other beefs: coy, annoying footnotes that could just as well be in the main text, and the italicized and numbered Swan Dives, or pratfalls, she inserts in the narrative (meant, I’m sure, to illustrate that ballerinas can be clumsy, too, but it’s a lame device).
Pazcoguin is at her best when talking about the texture of a dancer’s everyday existence: class, rehearsal, performance. In a couple of cases she does a play-by-play of certain sequences in ballets I know and love, and it’s thrilling. But that brings me to an important question: Who, exactly, is this book for? Not little girls, that’s for sure, as it’s too bawdy. It’s probably a great read for fully fledged ballet-loving adults who want a racy peek behind the red velvet curtain and snowy tutus. On the other hand, it’s quite in-groupy and specialized; unless you’re already familiar with the company, it may not pack much of a punch.
The appeal of SWAN DIVE may be broadened in the last part of the book, when Pazcoguin goes (temporarily) Broadway, appearing with American Dance Machine for the 21st Century (which performs excerpts from classic musicals) and in a starry revival of “Cats.” Could her “second act” lie in that world rather than at the ballet? Maybe. Now in her 30s, she doesn’t want to teach, the usual retirement path for dancers. “But,” she says, “I’ve got a biting wit and a real-estate license I’m not afraid to use.”
Good for her. Georgina Pazcoguin is gutsy, resilient and a surprisingly vivid writer. I have the feeling that no matter where tomorrow takes her, she’ll stay on point.
Reviewed by Katherine B. Weissman
February 21, 2022
An eye opening and at times witty memoir by a ballerina with New York City Ballet. She’s a biracial Asian American dancer and she delves in and really shows you the unvarnished life of ballet in a major dance company in NYC. She deals with body image shaming, harassment and overbearing boss. She takes you behind the scenes, all the places she’s traveled and living in the city and the “blood, sweat, tears” of ballet. This memoir really made me appreciate ballet and the arts even more.
February 22, 2022
Memoir from a ballerina who has a lot of spirit, rebellion, humor and guts. She is a trail blazer and a rule breaker in a tough world - and sometimes that's inspiring and sometimes it's hard to watch.
May 23, 2024
I enjoyed her writing style and just what a normal life looks like was surprising.
November 14, 2021
HEEEEERLIE DE PEERLIE heb hem eindelijk uit!!! niet zovan eindelijk… pfff… maar meer zovan damn had echt weinig tijd en had hier meer tijd voor moeten nemen. dacht dat ik er langer over had gedaan dan gwn n maand so go me!
on to het boek:
In een ander leven was ik een ballerina geweest…. I WISH i could. maar heb het nu wel een beetje ervaren door haar ogen en verhalen heen. het is leuk en vluchtig geschreven en ze geeft heel goed de helse realiteit weer maar tegelijkertijd ook hoe magisch het is.
je leeft mee vanaf haar kindertijd tot aan haar 30e ongeveer hoe ze tot ballerina is gekomen en waar ze allemaal doorheen moest en waar ze voor heeft moeten knokken om bovenop te komen!! vind het ook goed dat ze in gaat op hoe toxisch die wereld kan zijn (racistisch, fatphobia, misogynie etc). maar ze verteld ook unieke en grappige ervaringen.
gewoon een fijn boek!!! zou het wel niet lezen als ballet je interesse niet is omdat ja, daar gaat het wel alleen maar over en ook de termen en, ja, het lijkt mij leuker om te lezen als het onderwerp je ook dieper raakt.
ze eindigt met een hele boel foto’s!!! i love them.. UGH en de outfits en de bewegingen.. ongelofelijk
on to het boek:
In een ander leven was ik een ballerina geweest…. I WISH i could. maar heb het nu wel een beetje ervaren door haar ogen en verhalen heen. het is leuk en vluchtig geschreven en ze geeft heel goed de helse realiteit weer maar tegelijkertijd ook hoe magisch het is.
je leeft mee vanaf haar kindertijd tot aan haar 30e ongeveer hoe ze tot ballerina is gekomen en waar ze allemaal doorheen moest en waar ze voor heeft moeten knokken om bovenop te komen!! vind het ook goed dat ze in gaat op hoe toxisch die wereld kan zijn (racistisch, fatphobia, misogynie etc). maar ze verteld ook unieke en grappige ervaringen.
gewoon een fijn boek!!! zou het wel niet lezen als ballet je interesse niet is omdat ja, daar gaat het wel alleen maar over en ook de termen en, ja, het lijkt mij leuker om te lezen als het onderwerp je ook dieper raakt.
ze eindigt met een hele boel foto’s!!! i love them.. UGH en de outfits en de bewegingen.. ongelofelijk
December 1, 2021
Wow. This book took me right back to the theatre in so many ways ... and in other ways revealed things about the inner workings of ballet companies that made me glad I kept dance as a hobby/nice-to-have rather than ever going pro.
Gina Pazcoguin gives a look at the inner works of New York City Ballet, with its focus on the Balanchine method (my own ballet mistress had danced at New York Theatre Ballet under Balanchine) and the abuses perpetrated by former director Peter Martins. I can't even imagine, on top of the physical toll ballet takes on the dancer, dealing with the emotional abuse he dealt out.
But it's not all dark and dreadful. Pazcoguin's authorial voice is humorous and friendly, and she doesn't hesitate to talk about the fun and silliness that are also part of her lengthy career at City Ballet.
Of particular note, Pazcoguin is one of the founders of Final Bow for Yellow Face (https://www.yellowface.org/), an organization whose goal is to end racial stereotyping/"portrait casting" in theatre and ballet.
Well worth reading for fans of the ballet; this belongs on the shelf next to Gelsey Kirkland's Dancing on My Grave.
Gina Pazcoguin gives a look at the inner works of New York City Ballet, with its focus on the Balanchine method (my own ballet mistress had danced at New York Theatre Ballet under Balanchine) and the abuses perpetrated by former director Peter Martins. I can't even imagine, on top of the physical toll ballet takes on the dancer, dealing with the emotional abuse he dealt out.
But it's not all dark and dreadful. Pazcoguin's authorial voice is humorous and friendly, and she doesn't hesitate to talk about the fun and silliness that are also part of her lengthy career at City Ballet.
Of particular note, Pazcoguin is one of the founders of Final Bow for Yellow Face (https://www.yellowface.org/), an organization whose goal is to end racial stereotyping/"portrait casting" in theatre and ballet.
Well worth reading for fans of the ballet; this belongs on the shelf next to Gelsey Kirkland's Dancing on My Grave.
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