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How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders
Updated for today’s readers, Dale Carnegie’s timeless bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic that has improved and transformed the professional and personal and lives of millions.
One of the best-known motivational guides in history, Dale Carnegie’s groundbreaking book has sold tens of millions of copies, been translated into almost every known language, and has helped countless people succeed.
Originally published during the depths of the Great Depression—and equally valuable during booming economies or hard times—Carnegie’s rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their professional and personal lives.
How to Win Friends and Influence People teaches
-How to communicate effectively
-How to make people like you
-How to increase your ability to get things done
-How to get others to see your side
-How to become a more effective leader
-How to successfully navigate almost any social situation
-And so much more!
Achieve your maximum potential with this updated version of a classic—a must-read for the 21st century.
One of the best-known motivational guides in history, Dale Carnegie’s groundbreaking book has sold tens of millions of copies, been translated into almost every known language, and has helped countless people succeed.
Originally published during the depths of the Great Depression—and equally valuable during booming economies or hard times—Carnegie’s rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their professional and personal lives.
How to Win Friends and Influence People teaches
-How to communicate effectively
-How to make people like you
-How to increase your ability to get things done
-How to get others to see your side
-How to become a more effective leader
-How to successfully navigate almost any social situation
-And so much more!
Achieve your maximum potential with this updated version of a classic—a must-read for the 21st century.
Audio CD
Published May 17, 2022
About the author
Dale Carnegie
1,884 books9,586 followersDale Carnegie was an American writer and teacher of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Born into poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), a bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948), Lincoln the Unknown (1932), and several other books.
One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's behavior towards them.
One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's behavior towards them.
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June 12, 2025
I never read books that fall under “self-help”, “motivational”, and certainly not “how to become rich, quick! The last one is pretty obvious, at least for the author: if you’re fortunate enough to reach a point in your career where much of the population either knows or your success, or at the very least, your achievements can be easily verified and will earn you enough respect to be seen as an “expert” on this subject.
Not everyone is going to become rich. Let’s be honest. And that’s not including the need to keep inequality gaps higher if the wealthiest citizens expect to hold onto all their cash. Which always brings you to the point: why would anyone with a seriously hefty bank account want to make all citizens rich? Furthermore, there isn’t really a one-size-fits-all formula for that sort of thing. But if there was, the last thing anyone would want is to spill all of their secrets to millions of strangers.
They get rich by a combination of knowing the right people, hard work, and a bit of luck. They become even richer by selling off copies of a (hopefully) bestselling book for $30 a pop or so. There’s the secret.
As for Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People… I decided to make an exception to my “no self-help books” rule for this one. For the same reasons, of course, everyone else decided to - books that sell this well and stay influential over such a long period of time generally do well for a reason.
Unpopular opinion here… but what that reason is - for this book doing so well for so long - I really cannot tell you. I know people make the argument that while so much of this advice seems like common sense, “common sense isn’t common.” Okay, but even though I agree with that statement, doesn’t that mean this could be whittled down to just a few pages reminding one of the most important lessons in communication and in getting others to find common ground with you?
It just seemed like while it’s useful to remind people of these principles, a list would suffice. Dozens upon dozens of personal stories were told in accordance to the principle under discussion, where students of his course would complain about their boss, colleague, a client - then set to work “making one last-ditch effort” to win over someone who was impossible to impress. Naturally, every time they implemented the advice, they couldn’t wait to share their story of disbelief and gratitude! 🙏🏼
I mean, pretty sure he’s not going to include the stories where nothing changed, or worse, the person trying out the new tactic was perceived by the other individual as having an angle, and hence, the individual became even more dismissive and angry toward the person trying to implement these strategies.
But the main issue I had with this book is one that I only saw one other reviewer mention. There may be more reviews that mention this, but after looking through quite a few, it didn’t appear to be a common complaint. That issue isn’t that the principles put forth here in the book are nearly 90 years old, making them outdated.
The problem, rather, with the original text being published in 1936, should be quite obvious to at least ~50% of the population. In 1936, how many women were employed? Seriously. Pretty sure when he’s mentioning employee-boss or employee-employee relationships, he’s talking specifically and solely to men. Women back then were quite limited in career choice - if they even worked outside the home at all, it was something along the line of teacher, secretary, nurse, seamstress. Something where negotiating skills wouldn’t even be of much use.
I’m not saying the book isn’t helpful to women because it’s misogynistic or anything of that nature. But it’s hard to apply it to women when the intended audience is all men (even if there were updated stories about women using these techniques). Why? Because unlike men, who have generally been raised by their parents and society to “stand up for what they believe in”, as well as “go after what they want”, women have been raised in an entirely different way.
Here’s a few principles that supposedly will work for both genders:
”Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.”
“Give honest and sincere appreciation.”
“Become genuinely interested in other people.”
“Smile!”
“Be a good listener; talk in terms of the other person’s interests.”
“Avoid arguments.” (“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”)
“Show respect for the other person’s opinion - don’t say they’re wrong or correct them.”
“If YOU’RE wrong, however, admit it quickly and emphatically!”
“Begin in a gentle and friendly way - you get more flies with honey.”
“Let the other person feel that the idea is his” (come on, no way do I believe the first version said, “his or hers”).
“Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.”
This is incredibly problematic as a tool for women. Unlike men, who don’t usually have much of a problem with calling out others when something is unfair, and have been raised to believe that they matter as individuals… women aren’t really raised to act in ways seen as individualistic. We already have completely different values ingrained in us from a young age.
It may work in some cases, but it’s going to be more powerful coming from men who aren’t usually seen as putting the other person first and complimenting them instead of criticizing them. For women, it will be the same criteria they’ve always followed at the workplace. I’m not ever suggesting that anyone should start off with a heavily confrontational approach. However, since women have been conditioned to be the “peacemakers” in a group, encouraged to place the harmony of the collective over disunity from an individual demand, it’s simply a continuation of the way they’ve always been taught to act.
This advice is likely more appropriate in personal relationships, and relationships with other women. But more often than not, women get passed over for promotions and raises not because their boss sees them as less qualified, or because he’s a sexist jerk (although sadly, this does still happen, of course).
Nope, so many times it happens that a woman and man are in the same position, with the same educational background, same work ethic, yet the woman has been at the company far longer and is known to be a bit more efficient. Yet when someone gets promoted, it’s her male coworker and not her.
And why is this? Because men are always told to go for what they want. That they deserve more, and not to settle for less than they know they’re worth. So when the male employee has already taken the boss aside several times over the past month to talk up all his strong points and reasons why he deserves the promotion, and the woman has said absolutely nothing at all (just told herself “she’d be next, since she’d been there longest”) - of course the man is going to get the promotion over the woman. It’s the person willing to honestly confront their boss about the need for better pay that will always get the better pay… not the person that remains silent but complains later to fellow colleagues.
In a nutshell, I see why it’s important to listen to others and to give their opinions full consideration. But I just don’t see any further value for women in employing the same pleasant, agreeable, people-pleaser approaches that have done nothing for them so far. It’s more about learning to walk a very narrow tightrope, when it comes to women (and especially women in positions of high power). They have to be firm enough so all employees, including the men, listen to them and respect them, yet not so harsh that they risk getting slapped with the “she’s such a bitch on a power trip” label.
So while I do believe it has its uses, I don’t think such simple phrases needed to be reiterated over and over, in the course of 250+ pages. I also don’t see much value in telling women to be even more agreeable, even more conflict-adverse, than they already are. I’m sure I would have seen it as a lot more useful in the 1930s, or as I said already, it may be of use to men who aren’t so conditioned to take these approaches to begin with. It just wasn’t for me - except to perhaps remind me to listen better during conversations, to not talk over or interrupt the other participant in your conversation if you want them to like you and maintain a friendship with you.
Not everyone is going to become rich. Let’s be honest. And that’s not including the need to keep inequality gaps higher if the wealthiest citizens expect to hold onto all their cash. Which always brings you to the point: why would anyone with a seriously hefty bank account want to make all citizens rich? Furthermore, there isn’t really a one-size-fits-all formula for that sort of thing. But if there was, the last thing anyone would want is to spill all of their secrets to millions of strangers.
They get rich by a combination of knowing the right people, hard work, and a bit of luck. They become even richer by selling off copies of a (hopefully) bestselling book for $30 a pop or so. There’s the secret.
As for Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People… I decided to make an exception to my “no self-help books” rule for this one. For the same reasons, of course, everyone else decided to - books that sell this well and stay influential over such a long period of time generally do well for a reason.
Unpopular opinion here… but what that reason is - for this book doing so well for so long - I really cannot tell you. I know people make the argument that while so much of this advice seems like common sense, “common sense isn’t common.” Okay, but even though I agree with that statement, doesn’t that mean this could be whittled down to just a few pages reminding one of the most important lessons in communication and in getting others to find common ground with you?
It just seemed like while it’s useful to remind people of these principles, a list would suffice. Dozens upon dozens of personal stories were told in accordance to the principle under discussion, where students of his course would complain about their boss, colleague, a client - then set to work “making one last-ditch effort” to win over someone who was impossible to impress. Naturally, every time they implemented the advice, they couldn’t wait to share their story of disbelief and gratitude! 🙏🏼
I mean, pretty sure he’s not going to include the stories where nothing changed, or worse, the person trying out the new tactic was perceived by the other individual as having an angle, and hence, the individual became even more dismissive and angry toward the person trying to implement these strategies.
But the main issue I had with this book is one that I only saw one other reviewer mention. There may be more reviews that mention this, but after looking through quite a few, it didn’t appear to be a common complaint. That issue isn’t that the principles put forth here in the book are nearly 90 years old, making them outdated.
The problem, rather, with the original text being published in 1936, should be quite obvious to at least ~50% of the population. In 1936, how many women were employed? Seriously. Pretty sure when he’s mentioning employee-boss or employee-employee relationships, he’s talking specifically and solely to men. Women back then were quite limited in career choice - if they even worked outside the home at all, it was something along the line of teacher, secretary, nurse, seamstress. Something where negotiating skills wouldn’t even be of much use.
I’m not saying the book isn’t helpful to women because it’s misogynistic or anything of that nature. But it’s hard to apply it to women when the intended audience is all men (even if there were updated stories about women using these techniques). Why? Because unlike men, who have generally been raised by their parents and society to “stand up for what they believe in”, as well as “go after what they want”, women have been raised in an entirely different way.
Here’s a few principles that supposedly will work for both genders:
”Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.”
“Give honest and sincere appreciation.”
“Become genuinely interested in other people.”
“Smile!”
“Be a good listener; talk in terms of the other person’s interests.”
“Avoid arguments.” (“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”)
“Show respect for the other person’s opinion - don’t say they’re wrong or correct them.”
“If YOU’RE wrong, however, admit it quickly and emphatically!”
“Begin in a gentle and friendly way - you get more flies with honey.”
“Let the other person feel that the idea is his” (come on, no way do I believe the first version said, “his or hers”).
“Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.”
This is incredibly problematic as a tool for women. Unlike men, who don’t usually have much of a problem with calling out others when something is unfair, and have been raised to believe that they matter as individuals… women aren’t really raised to act in ways seen as individualistic. We already have completely different values ingrained in us from a young age.
It may work in some cases, but it’s going to be more powerful coming from men who aren’t usually seen as putting the other person first and complimenting them instead of criticizing them. For women, it will be the same criteria they’ve always followed at the workplace. I’m not ever suggesting that anyone should start off with a heavily confrontational approach. However, since women have been conditioned to be the “peacemakers” in a group, encouraged to place the harmony of the collective over disunity from an individual demand, it’s simply a continuation of the way they’ve always been taught to act.
This advice is likely more appropriate in personal relationships, and relationships with other women. But more often than not, women get passed over for promotions and raises not because their boss sees them as less qualified, or because he’s a sexist jerk (although sadly, this does still happen, of course).
Nope, so many times it happens that a woman and man are in the same position, with the same educational background, same work ethic, yet the woman has been at the company far longer and is known to be a bit more efficient. Yet when someone gets promoted, it’s her male coworker and not her.
And why is this? Because men are always told to go for what they want. That they deserve more, and not to settle for less than they know they’re worth. So when the male employee has already taken the boss aside several times over the past month to talk up all his strong points and reasons why he deserves the promotion, and the woman has said absolutely nothing at all (just told herself “she’d be next, since she’d been there longest”) - of course the man is going to get the promotion over the woman. It’s the person willing to honestly confront their boss about the need for better pay that will always get the better pay… not the person that remains silent but complains later to fellow colleagues.
In a nutshell, I see why it’s important to listen to others and to give their opinions full consideration. But I just don’t see any further value for women in employing the same pleasant, agreeable, people-pleaser approaches that have done nothing for them so far. It’s more about learning to walk a very narrow tightrope, when it comes to women (and especially women in positions of high power). They have to be firm enough so all employees, including the men, listen to them and respect them, yet not so harsh that they risk getting slapped with the “she’s such a bitch on a power trip” label.
So while I do believe it has its uses, I don’t think such simple phrases needed to be reiterated over and over, in the course of 250+ pages. I also don’t see much value in telling women to be even more agreeable, even more conflict-adverse, than they already are. I’m sure I would have seen it as a lot more useful in the 1930s, or as I said already, it may be of use to men who aren’t so conditioned to take these approaches to begin with. It just wasn’t for me - except to perhaps remind me to listen better during conversations, to not talk over or interrupt the other participant in your conversation if you want them to like you and maintain a friendship with you.
August 18, 2022
The main idea of this book is neatly summed up with the golden rule: do to others as you would have them do to you. Dale Carnegie applies this to three different areas of human interaction; making yourself likable, changing people's mind and affecting others behavior. It should come as no surprise that Carnegie’s application often is simply being kind to another person, listening well and expecting the best from others. Yet, the many very positive reviews of this book, (myself included), show that these behaviors are not as natural, or as obvious to us, as they should be. This book makes a great reference to continually improve ones ability to interact well with other people.
August 9, 2023
Part 1
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
Give honest and sincere appreciation
Arouse in the other person an eager want
Part 2
Become genuinely interested in other people
Smile
Remember that a persons name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Talk in terms of the other persons interests
Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely
Part 3
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you are wrong”
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and empathetically
Begin in a friendly way
Get the other person, saying yes early
Let the other person to the great deal of the talking
Let the other person feel like the idea if theirs
Try honestly to see things from the other person point of view
Be sympathetic with the other persons, ideas and desires
Appeal to the nobler motives
Dramatize your ideas
Throw down a challenge
Part 4
Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Call attention to people’s mistakes in directly
Talk about your own mistakes instead of criticizing the other person
ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Let the other person save face
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hardy in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
Give me other person to find reputation to live up to
Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct
Make the other person happy about doing things that you suggest
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
Give honest and sincere appreciation
Arouse in the other person an eager want
Part 2
Become genuinely interested in other people
Smile
Remember that a persons name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Talk in terms of the other persons interests
Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely
Part 3
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you are wrong”
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and empathetically
Begin in a friendly way
Get the other person, saying yes early
Let the other person to the great deal of the talking
Let the other person feel like the idea if theirs
Try honestly to see things from the other person point of view
Be sympathetic with the other persons, ideas and desires
Appeal to the nobler motives
Dramatize your ideas
Throw down a challenge
Part 4
Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Call attention to people’s mistakes in directly
Talk about your own mistakes instead of criticizing the other person
ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Let the other person save face
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hardy in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
Give me other person to find reputation to live up to
Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct
Make the other person happy about doing things that you suggest
June 25, 2024
If I could, I would give this book 10 out of 5 stars.
Buying and reading this book actually changed my life. To this point, I can safely assert which I almost never say.
Some books are good, others entertaining, and others educative, but never have I come across a book that has left such a stark and measurable impact on my life as this book by Dale Carnegie. I never thought a book could open my eyes and broaden my wisdom and skills as much as Dale Carnegie has, but his book has.
Finishing this book, I am stunned and eager to reread it immediately, because of the priceless and immensely valuable knowledge and techniques it teaches.
As in the book describes in the preface “How this Book was written—and why,” one man was “so shaken by a realization of his own mistakes, so inspired by the vista of a new and richer world opening before him, that he was unable to sleep. He didn’t sleep that night or the next day or the next night.”
Now I am not so built that I can withstand sleepless nights, but I am so shaken and inspired that I want to immediately reread the whole book over and over again until the principles are branded in hot iron in my mind, so I never forget such diamonds in my life.
Dale, I may be reading this book after your time, but I cannot thank you enough for writing this book and thus changing my life—for the better in every way. My most sincere accolades for a job exceptionally executed. Well done.
Buying and reading this book actually changed my life. To this point, I can safely assert which I almost never say.
Some books are good, others entertaining, and others educative, but never have I come across a book that has left such a stark and measurable impact on my life as this book by Dale Carnegie. I never thought a book could open my eyes and broaden my wisdom and skills as much as Dale Carnegie has, but his book has.
Finishing this book, I am stunned and eager to reread it immediately, because of the priceless and immensely valuable knowledge and techniques it teaches.
As in the book describes in the preface “How this Book was written—and why,” one man was “so shaken by a realization of his own mistakes, so inspired by the vista of a new and richer world opening before him, that he was unable to sleep. He didn’t sleep that night or the next day or the next night.”
Now I am not so built that I can withstand sleepless nights, but I am so shaken and inspired that I want to immediately reread the whole book over and over again until the principles are branded in hot iron in my mind, so I never forget such diamonds in my life.
Dale, I may be reading this book after your time, but I cannot thank you enough for writing this book and thus changing my life—for the better in every way. My most sincere accolades for a job exceptionally executed. Well done.
July 26, 2024
Całkiem przydatne strategie dla awkward ludzi bez wyczucia, zwłaszcza w miejscu pracy. Natomiast wydaje mi się, że łatwo będzie wyczuć, zwłaszcza ze strony osoby mającej tę lekturę za sobą, że druga strona stosuje "sztuczki" przedstawione w tej książce.
June 11, 2022
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝟗𝟖𝟏 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐈 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝟓 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝟓.
"How To Win Friends and Influence People" was the first personal development book I ever read. Being a depressed, lonely, 12 year old child I came across this book by accident at my local library. I was searching the computer's library catalog: "how to get friends", and this was the book that came up. Little did I know this book was going to become an essential for me in developing my social skills.
At first glance, you may read the principles taught in this book and go: "this is just common sense". But you may also have heard the quote "common sense isn't common". How many of us actively make an effort to genuinely smile and be empathetic towards others? How may of us jump to criticizing others without considering the other person's point of view? How many of us condemn others without remembering it won't make the other person change their mind?
I've read this book so many times I've lost count! It really changed my life, and I was so excited to see it be re-released for a new generation!
That said, the book edition of my youth was from the 1990's. How does this new 2022 edition hold up? I compared the 2 side-by-side.
PROS:
📌 Grammar revisions make the book easier to read. Examples include removal of filler words, word substitutions, and rewriting story examples. The changes are minor, so most of the time they are not very noticeable.
📌 A few new story examples have been added, featuring female figures like Evangeline Booth and Alice Foote MacDougall.
📌 A new concluding section: "Apply the Dale Carnegie Principles After the Book"
CONS:
📌 Lots of book edits come off less as necessary and more as attempts to be politically correct, to remove anything that could be seen as problematic. Examples include substituting words ("they" for "him", "not be able to walk" for "cripple", "house staff" for "servants") and stories that were needlessly removed (which leads to my next point).
📌 SO MANY story examples have been removed; no joke, I counted over 35! So many vivid examples that made the book so memorable for me as a kid, PC or not, are gone! I don't care if the story examples used Confederate general Robert E. Lee; they still illustrated the principles.
📌 Some edits just don't make sense at all. For example, they renamed Part 3, Chapter 5 from "The Secret of Socrates" to the principle "Get the Other Person Saying 'Yes, Yes' Immediately". No other chapter was renamed like this, and the Socrates example is still in the chapter.
As for the audiobook, the narrator gives a great presentation with a good range. But will his voice ever match the baritone of the original Andrew MacMillan? Unfortunately no.
In sum, for those who are new to reading this book or were born past the 2000's, I'd say this 2022 edition is a nice introduction, albeit a very sanitized one. There's a longer and better version out there. But if you're already a fan of the 90's publication and could care less about political correctness, there's not much new here to justify a second purchase. In fact, there's much less!
Sadly, this isn't the only book lately that's getting the Orwellian treatment. Other authors whose books have been altered lately for offensive content include Roald Dahl, Ian Fleming, Agatha Christie, and R.L. Stine (not to mention he's still alive and did not approve the changes). Simply put, it's really getting out of hand!
Consider me an old fashioned 30 year old Millennial, but I'll be sticking with my original copy.
"How To Win Friends and Influence People" was the first personal development book I ever read. Being a depressed, lonely, 12 year old child I came across this book by accident at my local library. I was searching the computer's library catalog: "how to get friends", and this was the book that came up. Little did I know this book was going to become an essential for me in developing my social skills.
At first glance, you may read the principles taught in this book and go: "this is just common sense". But you may also have heard the quote "common sense isn't common". How many of us actively make an effort to genuinely smile and be empathetic towards others? How may of us jump to criticizing others without considering the other person's point of view? How many of us condemn others without remembering it won't make the other person change their mind?
I've read this book so many times I've lost count! It really changed my life, and I was so excited to see it be re-released for a new generation!
That said, the book edition of my youth was from the 1990's. How does this new 2022 edition hold up? I compared the 2 side-by-side.
PROS:
📌 Grammar revisions make the book easier to read. Examples include removal of filler words, word substitutions, and rewriting story examples. The changes are minor, so most of the time they are not very noticeable.
📌 A few new story examples have been added, featuring female figures like Evangeline Booth and Alice Foote MacDougall.
📌 A new concluding section: "Apply the Dale Carnegie Principles After the Book"
CONS:
📌 Lots of book edits come off less as necessary and more as attempts to be politically correct, to remove anything that could be seen as problematic. Examples include substituting words ("they" for "him", "not be able to walk" for "cripple", "house staff" for "servants") and stories that were needlessly removed (which leads to my next point).
📌 SO MANY story examples have been removed; no joke, I counted over 35! So many vivid examples that made the book so memorable for me as a kid, PC or not, are gone! I don't care if the story examples used Confederate general Robert E. Lee; they still illustrated the principles.
📌 Some edits just don't make sense at all. For example, they renamed Part 3, Chapter 5 from "The Secret of Socrates" to the principle "Get the Other Person Saying 'Yes, Yes' Immediately". No other chapter was renamed like this, and the Socrates example is still in the chapter.
As for the audiobook, the narrator gives a great presentation with a good range. But will his voice ever match the baritone of the original Andrew MacMillan? Unfortunately no.
In sum, for those who are new to reading this book or were born past the 2000's, I'd say this 2022 edition is a nice introduction, albeit a very sanitized one. There's a longer and better version out there. But if you're already a fan of the 90's publication and could care less about political correctness, there's not much new here to justify a second purchase. In fact, there's much less!
Sadly, this isn't the only book lately that's getting the Orwellian treatment. Other authors whose books have been altered lately for offensive content include Roald Dahl, Ian Fleming, Agatha Christie, and R.L. Stine (not to mention he's still alive and did not approve the changes). Simply put, it's really getting out of hand!
Consider me an old fashioned 30 year old Millennial, but I'll be sticking with my original copy.
August 18, 2024
The thesis that it is easier to attract flies with honey rather than vinegar is timeless and somehow still rarely used.
This book provides solid (while seemingly obvious) advice on precisely what is in the title “winning friends and influencing people.” Throughout the book, Carnegie reiterates that you should use prudence in applying the principles to specific situations and that there is not always a silver bullet to make these two objectives happen.
Personally, I found it both convicting and refreshing. The repetition of the principles is necessary to drive the point home.
This book provides solid (while seemingly obvious) advice on precisely what is in the title “winning friends and influencing people.” Throughout the book, Carnegie reiterates that you should use prudence in applying the principles to specific situations and that there is not always a silver bullet to make these two objectives happen.
Personally, I found it both convicting and refreshing. The repetition of the principles is necessary to drive the point home.
February 27, 2025
A second read through, a classic that deserves a read every few years.
December 26, 2022
Great book with excellent examples. Easy, simple and doable, hard to understand that with so little things we could be a much better society, living at its full potencial. Let’s keep trying :)
Read
May 5, 2025Generally good advice, but too many supporting anecdotes. An anecdotes or two can make the point clearer, but anecdotes are anecdotes and they're by nature unproven and speculative. Having 5 of them in one chapter isn't going to make the point stronger. How about some actual scientific evidence?
The whole "this is important so I just copied and pasted what you just read to force you to read this again, this time in italic!" shtick is fking obnoxious and a waste of time, paper, and ink.
Also as a city boy, if I were on the receiving end of some of the "tactics" in this book, it would so make my blood boil. Like, how about you stop licking my ass and just cut to the chase? If I can help you I will and if I can't there's not much that I can do is there? Stop wasting my time and don't you dare to take me down the scenic route because fuck you. I don't even know you.
As the book goes on the ideas become more and more same-y. Just slight variations of the previous advice. The surplus of supporting anecdotes doesn't even seem very relevant anymore. Likely just more of those word count padding that the author loves to do. The whole book could've just been a two-page cheat sheet really.
The whole "this is important so I just copied and pasted what you just read to force you to read this again, this time in italic!" shtick is fking obnoxious and a waste of time, paper, and ink.
Also as a city boy, if I were on the receiving end of some of the "tactics" in this book, it would so make my blood boil. Like, how about you stop licking my ass and just cut to the chase? If I can help you I will and if I can't there's not much that I can do is there? Stop wasting my time and don't you dare to take me down the scenic route because fuck you. I don't even know you.
As the book goes on the ideas become more and more same-y. Just slight variations of the previous advice. The surplus of supporting anecdotes doesn't even seem very relevant anymore. Likely just more of those word count padding that the author loves to do. The whole book could've just been a two-page cheat sheet really.
April 24, 2023
the principles are great but that's all we needed so this book could have been like 200 pages shorter. maybe i just don't idolize presidents the way Carnegie does but I could not care less what Roosevelt did nor do I want to follow in his footsteps so most of the examples ranged from boring to actively counterproductive.
biased review because I had to read this for class but I've had to read many books for class that I would consider 5*. so it sits at a 3 for now. I don't have time to go into the nuances of how a lot of these specific strategies are unattainable in modern society (no dale sorry I can't negotiate my rent because the rental company has a monopoly on my town but thank you for the thought).
w that being said if you can just get a copy of the principles in the book you've got everything valuable and it is very valuable as a reminder of what you should be doing!!
biased review because I had to read this for class but I've had to read many books for class that I would consider 5*. so it sits at a 3 for now. I don't have time to go into the nuances of how a lot of these specific strategies are unattainable in modern society (no dale sorry I can't negotiate my rent because the rental company has a monopoly on my town but thank you for the thought).
w that being said if you can just get a copy of the principles in the book you've got everything valuable and it is very valuable as a reminder of what you should be doing!!
August 18, 2023
I can’t recommend this book enough for anyone who wants to improve their leadership skills or enhance their relationships with others. It is wonderfully engaging and I’ll revisit key passages frequently. I wish I had read this book earlier. From page 234: “The principals taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.” I honestly feel renewed over the past several weeks as I’ve been working through this material. I highly encourage others to follow the advice offered in the Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book, especially the one prompting that you read each chapter quickly at first, then immediately reread it and underline parts that you want to emphasize and revisit. Go ahead—get this book! You need it! You need to own it so you can review it often.
August 9, 2026
How to Win Friends and Influence People is a timeless book about communication, relationships, and understanding people. Written from Dale Carnegie’s principles and carried forward by his daughter, the book focuses on simple but powerful ideas like listening, showing genuine interest in others, and making people feel valued.
I found it full of practical reminders that are just as relevant today as when the original ideas were written. It’s an easy book to come back to, especially when you want to improve your relationships and become a better communicator. Some of the advice may seem obvious, but putting these simple principles into practice can make a real difference.
I found it full of practical reminders that are just as relevant today as when the original ideas were written. It’s an easy book to come back to, especially when you want to improve your relationships and become a better communicator. Some of the advice may seem obvious, but putting these simple principles into practice can make a real difference.
May 5, 2026
This book was like a collection of adages or “phrases to live by”. They all sounded right, but I think I won’t truly know the value of this book until I attempt to operationalize the advice he gives in the book.
October 18, 2024
In summary: Be nice and make other people feel important.
August 5, 2025
Beware, friends, of all the ways I will win and influence you having finished this book
November 20, 2025
Not a good fit for my liking. The writer had some good points of "manipulating" people into saying yes or doing things for you. It was just not for me.
July 13, 2026
Fantastic book with timeless advice on how to get along with people.
October 16, 2025
The majority of this was common sense, although it did raise some interesting points. The final chapter was so chauvinistic, it made me want to throw my kindle out of the window…
September 13, 2024
Such good tips and advice I absolutely loved it!!
Read
March 25, 2026*I DIDN’T ACTUALLY READ THIS VERSION- I JUST RAN OUT OF ROOM FOR REVIEWING THE REGULAR VERSION AND AM ADDING IT HERE BELOW*
Continued review of regular version:
Section 4: Be a Leader: How to Change
People Without Giving Offence
or Arousing Resentment
1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin In this section, Carnegie talks about giving people praise before criticizing them. He says it’s similar to a dentist giving a patient Novocain. They still get the drilling, but the Novocain is pain killing. Using praise before ‘criticizing’ them is like giving them a pain-killer beforehand. The example that Dale gave was about a subcontractor who wasn’t going to make his due date. The boss went to see him because it was going to be a big inconvenience. The boss began by praising the subcontractor on his company. They got to talking and even went to lunch before a word was mentioned about not meeting the date. After lunch, the subcontractor says that he knew why the man came. He said he was surprised the visit was so pleasant. He volunteered to get the product delivered on time. The boss got what he wanted without even speaking a word about it. Principle 1: “Begin with praise and honest appreciation.”
2. How to criticize— and not be hated for it In this section, Carnegie talks about brining attention to people’s mistakes in an indirect way. He notes that direct criticism can be especially likely to cause resentment. An example he gave was that of Charles Schwab who managed or owned a factory. One day, he walked upon several workers who were smoking. Directly above them was a sign that said no smoking. Instead of criticizing them directly, he walked up, handed them cigars, and told them he would appreciate it if they smoked them outside. Another example was a business who had a customer waiting at the counter. The sales clerks were laughing and talking in the corner. The boss, instead of criticizing the workers for obviously neglecting their job, went and served the lady himself, the handed the ticket to the sales clerks. In both examples, the people doing the wrong thing know that their mistake is acknowledged, but neither had their mistake directly brought up. Principle 2: “Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.”
3. A talk about your own mistakes first
In this section, Carnegie talks about the importance of criticizing ourselves before criticizing another person. He shows how much of a load it takes off of the other person to use this technique. He gives an example of hiring his niece to work with him. He wanted to criticize her for some mistakes but he caught himself beforehand. He instead, began by telling her about the many mistakes he had made in his career. He explained that she is further ahead than he was at her age. He explains that the only way she could possibly know what to do is through experience. Finally, he says that he thinks she could do this particular thing differently. Because Dale started by criticizing himself, it made it much easier for his niece to listen to criticism about herself. It also made her more willing to accept it. Principle 3: “Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.”
4. No one likes to take orders
In this section, Dale Carnegie talks about the resentment that can arise as a result of ordering people around too much. He gave an example of a production manager who wanted to take a large order for his company. The order needed to be done in a short amount of time, and it looked as though it couldn’t be done. Instead of ordering his people to work harder or faster, he gathered them together and asked questions. He asked if there was any ideas as to how they could make it happen. They gave lots of ideas and the end result was that they accepted and delivered the order on time. Principle 4: “Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.”
5. Let the other person save face
In this section, Carnegie talks about saving other people’s pride. His first example is about a company who fires people a lot. Carnegie shows the difference between saving their pride and not caring about it. If the company fires someone casually without trying to save the persons pride, that person will be hurt and resentment will grow. If the company, for example, tells someone how good of a job they did and that they are letting them go for a specific reason and that the other person shouldn’t feel bad, the person will not be hurt or resentful. Another example Carnegie gave was of a woman who had to present a project. Right before the presentation, she realized she made a huge mistake. The boss could have ripped her in front of everyone, but instead, he saved her pride. He said it’s not uncommon for mistakes to happen, and that he believed she would get it fixed and done right because she is capable. Her pride was saved and on top of that, she was motivated and inspired to do good work for that kind man. Principle 5: “Let the other person save face.”
6. How to spur people on to success
In this section, Carnegie talks about giving people praise for even the smallest improvements or successes. Carnegie gives several strong points in this chapter. “When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy from lack of attention.” So basically he gave an example of parents who always criticized their kids. In learning the course, they started to look for things to praise instead. The result was that praising the kids for good rather than criticizing them for bad, was much more effective in controlling their behavior. Another good point Carnegie made is that specific praise can help prevent flattery and it can strengthen the effect of the praise itself. He says, “Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good”. I also liked the quote, although off topic, “Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.” Principle 6: “Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give a dog a good name
In this section, Carnegie talks about giving people a good reputation to live up to. He shows that in doing so, you can make people behave in a certain way. I enjoyed the quote: “In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular traits were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.” Carnegie supports this claim by giving a great example. There was a dentist office that had a dirty cup holder. The dentist called the cleaning lady and told her she could work more if she wanted to (she was given limited hours), and that he would give her that time to do a fantastic job like always, with things such as cleaning the cup holder. He came in the next day.... sparkling clean. Another example involved a fourth grade teacher who noticed the ‘bad kid’ on her roster. Basically, she gave him a good reputation by speaking very highly of him in the first few days of class. She complimented him in the areas he lacked, and ultimately, he got better at them. Principle 7: “Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.”
8. Make the fault seem easy to correct
In this section, Carnegie talks about making people think their their issues are easy to correct. He demonstrates how doing the opposite and making people feel like they are way off, can really hurt their motivation. One example he gave was of a friend of his who wanted him to play bridge. Carnegie explains that it wasn’t possible as he knew nothing of it. The friend makes him feel like it’s easy to learn, and point out how Dale has skills used in the game, such as memory. Dale ended up playing. Another example was of a school boy who’s Dad helped him learn and made it seem easy. The Dad studied flash cards every night with the boy, praising his successes and not putting much thought on the failures. By making learning seem easy, he really changed the boys life. Principle 8: “Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.”
9. Making people glad to do what you want In this section, Carnegie talks about making people want to do things for you. He says that you can achieve this by making them feel important, or by pointing out the benefits it has to them. One example was of an employee as a grocery store who was not doing a good job with labeling products. The manager called her in and gave her a new ‘title’ which described her as being in charge of the labels- a new powerful responsibility. With this feeling of importance, she started doing a great job. Another example was of a woman who had trouble with young boys on her yard. She ‘appointed’ the most troublesome of the bunch to be the ‘guard’ for her and to serve an important role of keeping the other boys off her yard. The boy did so willingly. Carnegie also says we can point out how the task will benefit the other person, even if the benefit is that they won’t have to do it later. Principle 9: “Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.”
Continued review of regular version:
Section 4: Be a Leader: How to Change
People Without Giving Offence
or Arousing Resentment
1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin In this section, Carnegie talks about giving people praise before criticizing them. He says it’s similar to a dentist giving a patient Novocain. They still get the drilling, but the Novocain is pain killing. Using praise before ‘criticizing’ them is like giving them a pain-killer beforehand. The example that Dale gave was about a subcontractor who wasn’t going to make his due date. The boss went to see him because it was going to be a big inconvenience. The boss began by praising the subcontractor on his company. They got to talking and even went to lunch before a word was mentioned about not meeting the date. After lunch, the subcontractor says that he knew why the man came. He said he was surprised the visit was so pleasant. He volunteered to get the product delivered on time. The boss got what he wanted without even speaking a word about it. Principle 1: “Begin with praise and honest appreciation.”
2. How to criticize— and not be hated for it In this section, Carnegie talks about brining attention to people’s mistakes in an indirect way. He notes that direct criticism can be especially likely to cause resentment. An example he gave was that of Charles Schwab who managed or owned a factory. One day, he walked upon several workers who were smoking. Directly above them was a sign that said no smoking. Instead of criticizing them directly, he walked up, handed them cigars, and told them he would appreciate it if they smoked them outside. Another example was a business who had a customer waiting at the counter. The sales clerks were laughing and talking in the corner. The boss, instead of criticizing the workers for obviously neglecting their job, went and served the lady himself, the handed the ticket to the sales clerks. In both examples, the people doing the wrong thing know that their mistake is acknowledged, but neither had their mistake directly brought up. Principle 2: “Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.”
3. A talk about your own mistakes first
In this section, Carnegie talks about the importance of criticizing ourselves before criticizing another person. He shows how much of a load it takes off of the other person to use this technique. He gives an example of hiring his niece to work with him. He wanted to criticize her for some mistakes but he caught himself beforehand. He instead, began by telling her about the many mistakes he had made in his career. He explained that she is further ahead than he was at her age. He explains that the only way she could possibly know what to do is through experience. Finally, he says that he thinks she could do this particular thing differently. Because Dale started by criticizing himself, it made it much easier for his niece to listen to criticism about herself. It also made her more willing to accept it. Principle 3: “Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.”
4. No one likes to take orders
In this section, Dale Carnegie talks about the resentment that can arise as a result of ordering people around too much. He gave an example of a production manager who wanted to take a large order for his company. The order needed to be done in a short amount of time, and it looked as though it couldn’t be done. Instead of ordering his people to work harder or faster, he gathered them together and asked questions. He asked if there was any ideas as to how they could make it happen. They gave lots of ideas and the end result was that they accepted and delivered the order on time. Principle 4: “Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.”
5. Let the other person save face
In this section, Carnegie talks about saving other people’s pride. His first example is about a company who fires people a lot. Carnegie shows the difference between saving their pride and not caring about it. If the company fires someone casually without trying to save the persons pride, that person will be hurt and resentment will grow. If the company, for example, tells someone how good of a job they did and that they are letting them go for a specific reason and that the other person shouldn’t feel bad, the person will not be hurt or resentful. Another example Carnegie gave was of a woman who had to present a project. Right before the presentation, she realized she made a huge mistake. The boss could have ripped her in front of everyone, but instead, he saved her pride. He said it’s not uncommon for mistakes to happen, and that he believed she would get it fixed and done right because she is capable. Her pride was saved and on top of that, she was motivated and inspired to do good work for that kind man. Principle 5: “Let the other person save face.”
6. How to spur people on to success
In this section, Carnegie talks about giving people praise for even the smallest improvements or successes. Carnegie gives several strong points in this chapter. “When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy from lack of attention.” So basically he gave an example of parents who always criticized their kids. In learning the course, they started to look for things to praise instead. The result was that praising the kids for good rather than criticizing them for bad, was much more effective in controlling their behavior. Another good point Carnegie made is that specific praise can help prevent flattery and it can strengthen the effect of the praise itself. He says, “Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good”. I also liked the quote, although off topic, “Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.” Principle 6: “Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give a dog a good name
In this section, Carnegie talks about giving people a good reputation to live up to. He shows that in doing so, you can make people behave in a certain way. I enjoyed the quote: “In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular traits were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.” Carnegie supports this claim by giving a great example. There was a dentist office that had a dirty cup holder. The dentist called the cleaning lady and told her she could work more if she wanted to (she was given limited hours), and that he would give her that time to do a fantastic job like always, with things such as cleaning the cup holder. He came in the next day.... sparkling clean. Another example involved a fourth grade teacher who noticed the ‘bad kid’ on her roster. Basically, she gave him a good reputation by speaking very highly of him in the first few days of class. She complimented him in the areas he lacked, and ultimately, he got better at them. Principle 7: “Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.”
8. Make the fault seem easy to correct
In this section, Carnegie talks about making people think their their issues are easy to correct. He demonstrates how doing the opposite and making people feel like they are way off, can really hurt their motivation. One example he gave was of a friend of his who wanted him to play bridge. Carnegie explains that it wasn’t possible as he knew nothing of it. The friend makes him feel like it’s easy to learn, and point out how Dale has skills used in the game, such as memory. Dale ended up playing. Another example was of a school boy who’s Dad helped him learn and made it seem easy. The Dad studied flash cards every night with the boy, praising his successes and not putting much thought on the failures. By making learning seem easy, he really changed the boys life. Principle 8: “Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.”
9. Making people glad to do what you want In this section, Carnegie talks about making people want to do things for you. He says that you can achieve this by making them feel important, or by pointing out the benefits it has to them. One example was of an employee as a grocery store who was not doing a good job with labeling products. The manager called her in and gave her a new ‘title’ which described her as being in charge of the labels- a new powerful responsibility. With this feeling of importance, she started doing a great job. Another example was of a woman who had trouble with young boys on her yard. She ‘appointed’ the most troublesome of the bunch to be the ‘guard’ for her and to serve an important role of keeping the other boys off her yard. The boy did so willingly. Carnegie also says we can point out how the task will benefit the other person, even if the benefit is that they won’t have to do it later. Principle 9: “Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 27, 2025
The definition of an oldie but a goodie.
And the author’s daughter is right in her preface - most new age management books are just a new spin off of the contents of this book.
And the author’s daughter is right in her preface - most new age management books are just a new spin off of the contents of this book.
May 2, 2023
very timely
good for sales and marketing and relational topic
good for sales and marketing and relational topic
September 4, 2022
I've been reading and rereading this book since the 70s at least, when I found a copy (along with a couple of other Dale Carnegie books) in the collection my parents had. Whether either or both had ever taken a Dale Carnegie course I don't know, but I read all of the books we had including, as I say, this one.
I've not taken any classes from Dale Carnegie (he's been dead since before I was born, but his organization is still around), and I've not consciously put anything in this book into practice. But I recognize a lot of what's here as what I could call simple good manners. And the fact that simple good manners are something that the Carnegie organization teaches for money tells you something - not a pleasant something - about the way parents raise their children these days.
Aside from the good sense content of the book, it's entertaining to read. Dale Carnegie's style was definitely out of what is now the past (the first edition of this book came out almost 100 years ago), probably no one would publish him now - shoot, if someone were alive today and wrote a book without packing it full of the most recent cliches and cant words and phrases, no one would publish it; "trendy" means you don't have to have anything to say and you don't have to say it well, you just have to mouth the latest meaningless nonsense. But if you're capable of handling English that hasn't been dumbed down almost to baby talk, and if a breezy, colloquial style suits you, then you just might enjoy reading this book for fun. And if you do apply these principles, you'll find you're actually polite, unlike almost everyone else who's walking around out there.
The revision that led to this edition didn't foul things up, the way revisions sometimes do. Perhaps there's a little less 1936 breeziness in the text, and there's one place where my memory tells me that the revisers added a phrase which, in my view, turns what Carnegie's saying from smooth to choppy. But those who updated the book did an excellent job, and I loved reading it again.
I've not taken any classes from Dale Carnegie (he's been dead since before I was born, but his organization is still around), and I've not consciously put anything in this book into practice. But I recognize a lot of what's here as what I could call simple good manners. And the fact that simple good manners are something that the Carnegie organization teaches for money tells you something - not a pleasant something - about the way parents raise their children these days.
Aside from the good sense content of the book, it's entertaining to read. Dale Carnegie's style was definitely out of what is now the past (the first edition of this book came out almost 100 years ago), probably no one would publish him now - shoot, if someone were alive today and wrote a book without packing it full of the most recent cliches and cant words and phrases, no one would publish it; "trendy" means you don't have to have anything to say and you don't have to say it well, you just have to mouth the latest meaningless nonsense. But if you're capable of handling English that hasn't been dumbed down almost to baby talk, and if a breezy, colloquial style suits you, then you just might enjoy reading this book for fun. And if you do apply these principles, you'll find you're actually polite, unlike almost everyone else who's walking around out there.
The revision that led to this edition didn't foul things up, the way revisions sometimes do. Perhaps there's a little less 1936 breeziness in the text, and there's one place where my memory tells me that the revisers added a phrase which, in my view, turns what Carnegie's saying from smooth to choppy. But those who updated the book did an excellent job, and I loved reading it again.
May 18, 2025
This is a highly recommended self-help book by many sources. As the title suggests, it’s a guide to building relationships and improving interpersonal skills. I was initially skeptical of its relevance given its age—it was first published in 1936! (88 years ago!) But on the contrary, I believe it’s more relevant than ever. In an age of virtual communication and post-pandemic social shifts, people need to relearn how to connect and strengthen human relationships.
The book offers practical examples and principles that help improve daily interactions with people. I'll note down some of the principles I resonated with and my reflections. To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised to realize I had already been applying some of these principles. Now, having read the book, I feel encouraged to be more intentional in applying them. As the book suggests:
“Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright, once remarked: ‘If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.’ Shaw was right. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. So, if you desire to master the principles you are studying in this book, do something about them.”
“Smile and Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest sound.”
I was surprised these two actions—smiling and remembering names—are highlighted in the book. These are principles I already practice, and I often coach younger folks on them. Our posture and expression often set the tone for first impressions. A dull-faced cashier can turn customers away. A grim boss becomes unapproachable. I make it a habit to greet people with a smile. Positivity is contagious.
“A person without a smiling face must not open a shop.” Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it.
On Names: I remember during my first week at work, a senior manager I hadn’t yet met walked up to me and greeted me by name. That left a lasting impression—one I still recall nearly ten years later. Since then, I’ve made an effort to call people by their names whenever I can.
Leadership – Encourage, Appreciate, and Do Not Criticize. Make People Feel Important.
I’ve always believed in these, but reading the book gave me deeper conviction. Don’t criticize and let others save face. “Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” We never know what someone is going through. Under their circumstances, we might do the same. I can be judgmental, and this reminds me to adopt a more empathetic lens. Seeing things from others' perspectives allows you to lead more effectively.
“Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.”
We all crave praise—but it must be sincere and specific. One thing I need to do more is express appreciation. It often gets deprioritized amid the busyness of work, but I’ll make a more conscious effort to prioritize it. I also want to apply the idea of giving people a “fine reputation to live up to” to inspire and motivate my team.
“Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves” and “Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.”
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
This is especially important as a manager. A good manager listens and allows others to express themselves. It builds trust and makes you more effective as a leader.
Overall, I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to improve their interpersonal relationships.
This book is not a theoretical lecture on charm or manipulation—it’s a handbook for cultivating authentic human connection. The beauty of Carnegie’s work lies in its simplicity and timeless truth: people want to feel valued, heard, and respected. These lessons don’t require formal titles or power—they apply to all of us, from interns to executives, friends to family.
In today’s increasingly transactional and virtual world, these principles act as a grounding reminder of what it means to be human. For those in leadership, it helps you influence with integrity. For those in service, it reminds you to connect beyond the task. And for all of us, it offers a clearer lens through which to see others.
Whether you’re new to the workforce, leading a team, building a business, or just looking to be a better friend or partner, this book will meet you where you are—and nudge you forward. It isn’t just about winning friends. It’s about becoming someone worth following, trusting, and remembering.
Quotes:
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
"The great philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”"
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
"If out of reading this book you get just one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle—if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career."
"You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you."
"La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.” Why is that true? Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, and trumpet our successes to them, it can arouse feelings of envy and even resentment."
"Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, "You're wrong.”"
“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putting himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putting himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
"Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.” As Dr. Johnson said: “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I?"
The book offers practical examples and principles that help improve daily interactions with people. I'll note down some of the principles I resonated with and my reflections. To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised to realize I had already been applying some of these principles. Now, having read the book, I feel encouraged to be more intentional in applying them. As the book suggests:
“Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright, once remarked: ‘If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.’ Shaw was right. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. So, if you desire to master the principles you are studying in this book, do something about them.”
“Smile and Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest sound.”
I was surprised these two actions—smiling and remembering names—are highlighted in the book. These are principles I already practice, and I often coach younger folks on them. Our posture and expression often set the tone for first impressions. A dull-faced cashier can turn customers away. A grim boss becomes unapproachable. I make it a habit to greet people with a smile. Positivity is contagious.
“A person without a smiling face must not open a shop.” Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it.
On Names: I remember during my first week at work, a senior manager I hadn’t yet met walked up to me and greeted me by name. That left a lasting impression—one I still recall nearly ten years later. Since then, I’ve made an effort to call people by their names whenever I can.
Leadership – Encourage, Appreciate, and Do Not Criticize. Make People Feel Important.
I’ve always believed in these, but reading the book gave me deeper conviction. Don’t criticize and let others save face. “Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” We never know what someone is going through. Under their circumstances, we might do the same. I can be judgmental, and this reminds me to adopt a more empathetic lens. Seeing things from others' perspectives allows you to lead more effectively.
“Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.”
We all crave praise—but it must be sincere and specific. One thing I need to do more is express appreciation. It often gets deprioritized amid the busyness of work, but I’ll make a more conscious effort to prioritize it. I also want to apply the idea of giving people a “fine reputation to live up to” to inspire and motivate my team.
“Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves” and “Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.”
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
This is especially important as a manager. A good manager listens and allows others to express themselves. It builds trust and makes you more effective as a leader.
Overall, I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to improve their interpersonal relationships.
This book is not a theoretical lecture on charm or manipulation—it’s a handbook for cultivating authentic human connection. The beauty of Carnegie’s work lies in its simplicity and timeless truth: people want to feel valued, heard, and respected. These lessons don’t require formal titles or power—they apply to all of us, from interns to executives, friends to family.
In today’s increasingly transactional and virtual world, these principles act as a grounding reminder of what it means to be human. For those in leadership, it helps you influence with integrity. For those in service, it reminds you to connect beyond the task. And for all of us, it offers a clearer lens through which to see others.
Whether you’re new to the workforce, leading a team, building a business, or just looking to be a better friend or partner, this book will meet you where you are—and nudge you forward. It isn’t just about winning friends. It’s about becoming someone worth following, trusting, and remembering.
Quotes:
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
"The great philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”"
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
"If out of reading this book you get just one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle—if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career."
"You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you."
"La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.” Why is that true? Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, and trumpet our successes to them, it can arouse feelings of envy and even resentment."
"Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, "You're wrong.”"
“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putting himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putting himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
"Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.” As Dr. Johnson said: “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I?"
July 13, 2022
☆☆☆☆☆
How to win friends and influence people- #dalecarnegie
Self help books - I don't usually read or like. Had to do this book as it was may's Diversify challenge book.
Confession: Hard-core fiction fan this side.
This book however has found itself a comfortable spot on my bookshelf and is going to be a book I pass on to the daughter when the time is right.
As a matter of fact, I think there ought to be a whole lesson on this book taught in schools/universities. This ought to be the "book gift" one buys on birthdays, christmas , new years or just because. This ought to be on the "read before your 20s list" ( so that you get to reap its benefits as early as possible).
When I read the title, my first impression was this is a book for people having difficulty to engage with other people, or not being able to mingle with friends and social groups. Boy was I wrong.
The book totally is about how ..by understanding basic human needs and wants can we maximise that knowledge to change self and other people's response behavior. It teaches you the principles to better understand people. No nonsense examples of applying simple things like kindness, appreciative words, honesty to amplify productivity in workspace, respect in professional relationships, above all influence people.
Must read. Must buy. There is absolutely nothing to lose ( not even time if you end up hating it for whatever reason) but a lot to take away in terms of being a better person , whatever your field of work or status of relationship , even if you take away only 5% of it
How to win friends and influence people- #dalecarnegie
Self help books - I don't usually read or like. Had to do this book as it was may's Diversify challenge book.
Confession: Hard-core fiction fan this side.
This book however has found itself a comfortable spot on my bookshelf and is going to be a book I pass on to the daughter when the time is right.
As a matter of fact, I think there ought to be a whole lesson on this book taught in schools/universities. This ought to be the "book gift" one buys on birthdays, christmas , new years or just because. This ought to be on the "read before your 20s list" ( so that you get to reap its benefits as early as possible).
When I read the title, my first impression was this is a book for people having difficulty to engage with other people, or not being able to mingle with friends and social groups. Boy was I wrong.
The book totally is about how ..by understanding basic human needs and wants can we maximise that knowledge to change self and other people's response behavior. It teaches you the principles to better understand people. No nonsense examples of applying simple things like kindness, appreciative words, honesty to amplify productivity in workspace, respect in professional relationships, above all influence people.
Must read. Must buy. There is absolutely nothing to lose ( not even time if you end up hating it for whatever reason) but a lot to take away in terms of being a better person , whatever your field of work or status of relationship , even if you take away only 5% of it
January 4, 2025
Muy buen libro. Buenos tips y advice para tu day to day life. Medio lento tho…
October 9, 2022
I enjoyed reading the book, but always had to remind myself of the time in which it was written. 'cause yes, it is timeless, and those principles will still work. but should they? using the principles makes you a "people-pleaser" type of person who avoids conflict and doesn't speak their mind. as a feminist I therefore have mixed feelings about the book. If everyone was complying to the principals we would live in a better world but since this is not the case, the ones who do might simply be stepped over...
September 27, 2026
How To Win Friends And Influence People, Revised Edition
I read the 2021 Edition of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, Bellmont Publishing House. I'm an introvert, and I've always wondered how some people can talk to anyone, make friends, and influence the people they meet. That curiosity is what attracted me to this book. I wanted to learn some of the technique’s influencers use to influence and make a difference.
It was a big success with readers when it first came out, in 1936. This was one of the first books of its kind, and I agree with the author’s reasoning that even if you are knowledgeable, it is not enough if you don’t know how to convey it well. The book also highlights the importance of avoiding unnecessary conflict, showing appreciation, listening, and encouraging cooperation.
It was interesting to learn about the book’s history and the continued work on the text after Carnegie’s death. It was revised in 1981, decades after he died in 1955. A new edition was published in 2022, under the care of his daughter, Donna Dale Carnegie. Since I read the 2021 edition, I am curious to know what has been changed or added in the 2022 edition.
The structure of the book is quite interesting. And this is one of the books that I like that not only encourages the reader to read the whole book, but also to develop an interest in the author and his ideas and approach. I found Dale Carnegie to be highly self-critical, which seems to have encouraged him to keep learning and adapting his ideas to changes in his surroundings.
Another thing that I liked about this book was the structure; it was different from many other self-help books in that it emphasized the history of why and how the book was written. The author also suggests ways in which the book can be used to its fullest potential. Each part focuses on an important area of interpersonal relationships and presents different problems along with possible ways to deal with them. Each section ultimately brings the lessons together into a central principle, and at the end of each part, the principles are summarized on a single page.
The central theme of the book, from my observation, is establishing good relationships with people. This can be achieved by practising two things that I found particularly important: encouragement and honest appreciation. These two things can strengthen relationships and take them to another level.
For me, the fourth part was the best. Having conflicts with people is something we cannot completely avoid; we encounter them everywhere, from our kitchens to boardrooms. Both professionally and personally, we come across situations where convincing people to work on our ideas is not a piece of cake. But knowing how to navigate those conflicts and get things done without arousing resentment or offending people is a valuable skill in both personal and professional life.
This book also triggered me to recall some of my past conversations with the leaders I came across in my professional life. Some of my key takeaways were: share the lessons learned from your mistakes; before pointing out other people's mistakes, reflect on your own; don't simply order someone to complete a task—make them feel valued and privileged to take responsibility for it; and give people opportunities to improve their faults, as this can strengthen relationships.
However, on the journey of influencing people and making friends, you will inevitably come across people who may not have good intentions towards you. You may encounter people who are simply difficult or negative towards you for no apparent reason—perhaps that is just how they are. I found that the book does not sufficiently address how to deal with such people.
In real life, there will always be people who intentionally target you or devote more energy to causing harm than to focusing on themselves. This is one area where I felt the book could have offered more practical guidance. What happens when Carnegie's principles meet someone who is acting in bad faith?
I also felt that the book sometimes leans toward a people-pleasing nature. A person who is always trying to understand, accommodate, and please others can potentially lose sight of their own individuality and become emotionally overwhelmed. For me, this is an important limitation of the book's approach.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has trouble starting conversations or taking conversations to the next level. This is particularly helpful for anyone who is entering the corporate world, especially for those interested in developing interpersonal skills and taking on leadership roles.
If you are interested in learning how to build a positive environment, understand people better, and build stronger relationships, then this book is one you should add to your reading list.
Overall, I would give this book 4.5 out of 5 stars. I also appreciate Dale Carnegie's team and successors for continuing to work on his publications and update them for newer generations.
I read the 2021 Edition of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, Bellmont Publishing House. I'm an introvert, and I've always wondered how some people can talk to anyone, make friends, and influence the people they meet. That curiosity is what attracted me to this book. I wanted to learn some of the technique’s influencers use to influence and make a difference.
It was a big success with readers when it first came out, in 1936. This was one of the first books of its kind, and I agree with the author’s reasoning that even if you are knowledgeable, it is not enough if you don’t know how to convey it well. The book also highlights the importance of avoiding unnecessary conflict, showing appreciation, listening, and encouraging cooperation.
It was interesting to learn about the book’s history and the continued work on the text after Carnegie’s death. It was revised in 1981, decades after he died in 1955. A new edition was published in 2022, under the care of his daughter, Donna Dale Carnegie. Since I read the 2021 edition, I am curious to know what has been changed or added in the 2022 edition.
The structure of the book is quite interesting. And this is one of the books that I like that not only encourages the reader to read the whole book, but also to develop an interest in the author and his ideas and approach. I found Dale Carnegie to be highly self-critical, which seems to have encouraged him to keep learning and adapting his ideas to changes in his surroundings.
Another thing that I liked about this book was the structure; it was different from many other self-help books in that it emphasized the history of why and how the book was written. The author also suggests ways in which the book can be used to its fullest potential. Each part focuses on an important area of interpersonal relationships and presents different problems along with possible ways to deal with them. Each section ultimately brings the lessons together into a central principle, and at the end of each part, the principles are summarized on a single page.
The central theme of the book, from my observation, is establishing good relationships with people. This can be achieved by practising two things that I found particularly important: encouragement and honest appreciation. These two things can strengthen relationships and take them to another level.
For me, the fourth part was the best. Having conflicts with people is something we cannot completely avoid; we encounter them everywhere, from our kitchens to boardrooms. Both professionally and personally, we come across situations where convincing people to work on our ideas is not a piece of cake. But knowing how to navigate those conflicts and get things done without arousing resentment or offending people is a valuable skill in both personal and professional life.
This book also triggered me to recall some of my past conversations with the leaders I came across in my professional life. Some of my key takeaways were: share the lessons learned from your mistakes; before pointing out other people's mistakes, reflect on your own; don't simply order someone to complete a task—make them feel valued and privileged to take responsibility for it; and give people opportunities to improve their faults, as this can strengthen relationships.
However, on the journey of influencing people and making friends, you will inevitably come across people who may not have good intentions towards you. You may encounter people who are simply difficult or negative towards you for no apparent reason—perhaps that is just how they are. I found that the book does not sufficiently address how to deal with such people.
In real life, there will always be people who intentionally target you or devote more energy to causing harm than to focusing on themselves. This is one area where I felt the book could have offered more practical guidance. What happens when Carnegie's principles meet someone who is acting in bad faith?
I also felt that the book sometimes leans toward a people-pleasing nature. A person who is always trying to understand, accommodate, and please others can potentially lose sight of their own individuality and become emotionally overwhelmed. For me, this is an important limitation of the book's approach.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has trouble starting conversations or taking conversations to the next level. This is particularly helpful for anyone who is entering the corporate world, especially for those interested in developing interpersonal skills and taking on leadership roles.
If you are interested in learning how to build a positive environment, understand people better, and build stronger relationships, then this book is one you should add to your reading list.
Overall, I would give this book 4.5 out of 5 stars. I also appreciate Dale Carnegie's team and successors for continuing to work on his publications and update them for newer generations.
June 27, 2023
Who would’ve thought “be nice, listen, and remember people’s name” is actually some of the most useful bits of advice I’ve ever read.
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