Chillpimples: Assquatch

by Whit Slorp

Social distancing has been hard for us all, but Assquatch has been isolating for years! He manages to use his intoxicating farts to forge a steamy quaranteam of two with a human. That is, until a love interest stumbles upon their nomadic sexistence in the forest and presents a choice: rejoin the world of humans or answer the call of the wild.

42 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 13, 2021

About the author

Whit Slorp is a visual artist the award-winning author of parody erotica stories including Abrahannibal Lectern, My A-Hole Fell in a K-Hole, Peenocchio and the Wooden Circus Plot (Pardy Boys Gay Adventure Series Title), The Hidden Valley Ranch of Studs Mystery (Nancy Screw Mystery Series Title),CAWK, Assquatch (Chillpimples series), and Are You There God? I Thought I Heard Cody Masturbating, But It Was Just His Grandma Stirring a Pot of Shells and Cheese. They paint all of the cover art for their titles.

Whit currently lives in Portland, OR.

(Source Amazon.com)

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have no idea what just happened. Maybe it was from the pheromones coming from the sasquatch’s powerful farts? Maybe it was the Mexican food I ate for lunch? Or perhaps it was from the homemade gummy bears I made earlier? All I know is that this was the most emotionally deep Bigfoot-bases erotica that I’ve seen yet. Deeper than the 13-inch member of our resident creature can go inside poor Patrick here. The plot is very light and the characters are totally forgettable, but that Bigfoot is one intense love machine. This giant Ewok is not playing around. If he wants that ass, he’s coming to claim that ass. ‘nuff said.

[Paige Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another foray into the Chillpimples series. This one is by far the craziest thus far. I laughed A LOT. 🤣

We’re all familiar with Sasquatch but this is a first about hearing about Assquatch and to be honest I don’t know which version is more terrifying 😅🫣

Imagine it. You’re at a cabin with a friend who you’ve had hidden feelings for and learn that they feel the same. Bliss! But… then your moment is interrupted by a loud noise outside. One of you goes to investigate but never comes back… you go searching for them and discover Assquatch. His ass is huge and his farts aren’t deadly they’re magical and filled with pheromones that send your libido to the heavens. You’re about to be seduced by this huge hairy abomination with a big ol’ booty. 😱

[Shelby · Rating 2 out of 5]

Title and cover art: top tier.

Premise: love the general concept. It’s outlandish. Sasquatch with dat booty, mesmerizing people with that booty funk. Love that journey for us.

Execution: not the best. I had a couple giggles, but there definitely needed some editing. Names would randomly get changed and there was a bunch of missing punctuation.

[Kellie ˖⁺‧˚✧ · Rating 1 out of 5]

Okay so I wanted to know what all the fuss was about and to read it so you don't have to, and basically it's about Sasquatch farts and guys fuckin' in the woods. I wouldn't read this again unless you paid me probably.

Genuine criticism: there's a BUNCH of errors throughout the text which gives it the "finished" polish of a drafted fanfiction that's yet to be proofread.

Best part of this book is the authors about section: The award-winning author also wrote The Pole Express, Are You There God? I Thought I Heard Brian Masturbating But It Was Just Her Grandma Stirring a Pot of Shells and Cheese, Abrahannibal Lectern, Assquatch, and Nancy Screw & the Hidden Valley Ranch of Studs Mystery.

[Koda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was quick and fun. The sex wasn't too silly to lose me, and what was silly was funny af! I could have easily gave this 4 stars, but there were a couple spots in the last third of the story where the author (I'm assuming, accidentally) switched the characters names in the text, and it took me a while to get past that. There were also a couple technical errors where quotes were missing or paragraphs weren't indented. You might think it unfair of me to lower the rating based on these errors, but they're easy fixes, and distract from the reading experience. If these edits get implemented into the paperback after I post this, I'll happily change my rating (Oh, and Whit...if you're reading, I bought almost all of your titles) 😉

[Phrique · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don’t know what I expected, if we’re being honest. 🤷🏽‍♂️

[Biblio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Assquatch has aphrodisiac farts. Be careful out there kids.

[Kimbot the Destroyer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've read worse. At least there wasn't anything mean-spirited about it.
Really needs another pass through proofreading. Jamal was having sex with himself for a whole page (not in the good way).

[Renee · Rating 3 out of 5]

You know…it is what it is. And what it is, is a toot 💨

[Brooklyn Reads · Rating 2 out of 5]

jesus christ what did i just read

[Chad · Rating 2 out of 5]

Peer pressure read… don’t judge me.

[Paula - · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5. A quick, crazy, read. There were a few character name swaps that took me out of the story. Hence the 2.5. I can just imagine telling this story around a campfire.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Every now and then, I'll read weird smut and it leaves me questioning every decision I made up until that point. Assquatch was one of those stories. But I weirdly loved it.

Bigfoot, with a big BIG ass, hypnotic farts, the wildest sex and a love story (potentially a kidnapping/stockholm syndrome???).

I laughed so hard at some scenes and was left open mouth at others! I think everyone should read the whacky story that is Assquatch.

[J.M. Gokey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don’t know what the hell I just read, but it was entertaining enough not to put down. Definitely the most interesting take on Bigfoot I’ve ever seen (or read) — although the premise was; well, a lot, it was extremely well written. I might live to regret it but I look forward to reading more from this author

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have no idea how I got here, but let me just tell you if I could put my husband into a lustful daze with only the scent of my farts I would be living quite a dream over here. Put those babies to good use amirite?

[Van · Rating 2 out of 5]

Yeah, hard to find farting sexy, but that would have been fine if this had just been funnier. I wanted it to be funny!

[Danis ❤️ MM · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not nearly as funny as this author's other works.

[Amber Wiser · Rating 2 out of 5]

Super fast read. Good enough fill for my semiannual smut fix.

[Adam Martin · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s short and goofy and full of gay sex including with a Bigfoot. I dunno what to tell ya.

[Chibby · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lmao, I don’t know what I read or why I read it but I did. 😂😂

[Jessica Roche · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hilarious and wild like usual!! I love the nonsensical writing!

[Anna J · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a hilarious, deranged read from start to finish. Yes, the intimate scenes with the Bigfoot were disgusting, but what else would you expect from a book called “assquatch?”

[rat · Rating 1 out of 5]

idek again

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick read but it's still a hilarious good read

[Lina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This delightful book had me giggling incessantly…from Bigfoot’s mesmerising, sex-inducing farts to our protagonist’s granola bar vomiting horror.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

amazing

How does one explain rating a book about a Sasquatch with ass for days and hypnotic farts five stars? One does not explain it.

[Jessica Forbes · Rating 2 out of 5]

Man, I just read a story about a Bigfoot with aphrodisiac farts on a dare. I got what I deserved.

[Krista Dupuie]

I don't know what I was expecting. I laughed but I was mortified

[Ainsley Mckenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was so fun! I really enjoyed this small story, this author has a fantastic imagination 😂

[Len · Rating 4 out of 5]

After the last two horrible books I read, I needed a serious pick me up. This funny book hit the spot! I was laughing during the entire read.