Talking about BPD

by Rosie Cappuccino

Talking About BPD is a positive, stigma-free guide to life with borderline personality disorder (BPD) from award-winning blogger Rosie Cappuccino.

Addressing what BPD is, the journey to diagnosis and available treatments, Rosie offers advice on life with BPD and shares practical tips and DBT-based techniques for coping day to day. Topics such as how to talk about BPD to those around you, managing relationships and self-harm are also explored. Throughout, Rosie shares her own experiences and works to dispel stigma and challenge the stereotypes often associated with the disorder.

This much-needed, hopeful guide will offer support, understanding, validation and empowerment for all living with BPD, as well as those who support them.

Genres: Mental Health, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook

208 pages, Paperback

Published October 21, 2021

Reviews

[Chey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative yet accessible! I'd highly recommend this as a starting point if you're interested in learning more about BPD, if you have it, or know a loved one who has BPD.

[🖤 livingdeadgill 🖤 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book to anyone with BPD - this is the one!

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

Talking About BPD was the first book I have read pertaining to BPD. I usually shy away from mental health books because they are either stigmatizing or think that they can fix you by the last page. This one, however, took me by surprise and showcased how important it is to have visible representation as opposed to someone whose only qualifications for writing the book is their education.

Talking About BPD was extremely well written and gave a lot of accurate insight into what it is like living with BPD. It really challenged the stereotypes that people living with BPD are attributed too and highlights the reality that the best selling BPD books today are still extremely problematic. As someone who is not willing to read just any book that has BPD in the name, this validated my feelings towards books such as the ones Rosie Cappuccino spoke about. Many of these books that gain a lot of popularity, reiterate all of the stereotypes and assumptions that those living with BPD are trying to dismantle. These books are written by people who often times do not know what is it like to live as someone suffering from this mental health diagnosis but portray them as aggressive and angry people who want to manipulate everyone that they come into contact with. Talking About BPD took a stance against this and challenged these stereotypes by speaking about first hand experience -- not just something learned from a survey. Cappuccino highlighted that majority of those with a BPD diagnosis are extremely compassionate and caring people who are deserving of love.

I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to learn what it is like for those living with BPD as well as those who have this diagnosis and feel as though no one truly understands them. This is a great place to start the conversation and open up the dialogue to end the stigma towards those living with this mental illness.

[char · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never could have anticipated that a book about BPD could be so loving and encouraging. Immensely helped by the author's own experiences with BPD, this book strikes a solid balance between presenting information as a peer and dipping into various academic and clinical research. Given that this was written by a lay person, I was pretty impressed with the long bibliography included. I found the organization of the book a little unexpected, and I might have highlighted different DBT skills as a sampling, but the warmth of the writing and the emphasis on non-stigmatized validation more than made up for any criticisms. I would say that this shouldn't be the only book on BPD that one reads, but as of now at least, I can't think of a more perfect place to start.

[Bree · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I no longer saw myself as a chaos-causing monster, but as someone who had been through so much and was simply trying to survive." (P. 112)

There is just something about how Rosie writes that makes you feel so safe and seen. Since I've been diagnosed with BPD in October last year while I was overseas (and having had my BPD diagnosis confirmed by my psychiatrist in Sydney in February), I've been trying to read and talk to others who also have BPD in order to understand this disorder better. Reading this book made me understand myself a lot better and reminded me I am not alone in what I am experiencing. This book also helped me a lot while waiting to access DBT group therapy as it included a few DBT coping stratagies. I can't thank you Rosie enough for writing this book. :))

[nicki (ak’s version) ✧.* · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

So many of the books I’ve picked up have focused so heavily on the negative stigma associated with bpd, making it challenging to want to continue on with the writing even if there are amazing takeaways. the friendly tone of the author felt like I was listening to a friend or an elder sister telling me about her troubles with bpd and sharing each and every tip and trick that was suggested to her in case it may help you.

I listened to this on audio and now need to have a physical copy so I can go back and revisit so many of the sections

[Andrea Calderón · Rating 4 out of 5]

Talking About BPD me ayudó a comprender, desde la persona de Rosie, que vivir con TLP es posible. Aunque solamente llevo un mes en terapia DBT, no sentir ningún avance me ha hecho sentir desesperada. Gracias a este libro creo que con un poco de paciencia y resiliencia, eventualmente me sentiré mejor.

El TLP es distinto para cada persona, y yo con Rosie, como con mis compañeras de la terapia grupal de DBT, no me identifico tanto. Supongo que es normal, no solo "cada persona es un mundo" sino que cada persona con TLP ha sufrido distintas formas de invalidación, lo que nos lleva a vivir este trastorno completamente diferente.

Aun con todo eso, disfruté de este libro y lo recomendaría a toda persona con Trastorno Límite de la Personalidad.

[Richard Pierce · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read, not just for people with BPD, not just for those who love someone (as a parent, a friend, a partner) with BPD, but for everyone. Engaging, compelling, intelligent, honest, healing. And we all have elements of BPD in us. This is a really IMPORTANT book.

[SlothKela · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not finished with it but I'm just really glad I found a book that helps me feel less alone ♡

[Joanie Aoife · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an important book. The stigma around BPD is so strong that even just reading the facts about the disorder can seem overwhelming and shameful. Through her balanced, casual yet informative approach to the discussion about the wildly misrepresented disorder, Rosie Cappuccino successfully portrays it with a kind eye. It is so important for those who suffer from this to read it, as well as those who are in close contact with sufferers. In order to be empathetic to those with BPD we have to be educated about it from a reliable source that intends to educate and not demonise or fear monger. When the disorder is laid out like this, it is clear that the stigma is based off whispers and misunderstanding. A guide like this is VITAL to creating positive conversation about such a devastating diagnosis. I hope this is the start of a sea-change in the conversation about BPD.

[Susie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read the whole book in one sitting. This is the book I’ve needed for so long, what a gift, thank you Rosie.

[Oliver · Rating 5 out of 5]

TW for my review: self harm, suicide
TWs for the book (as written at the front of the book, points for that love to see it): abuse (emotional abuse, verbal abuse, child abuse, abusive relationships, toxic relationships), anxiety and panic attacks, depression, dissociation, intrusive thoughts, self harm, suicide (suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts) and trauma (PTSD)
Mentioned in passing: abuse (physical abuse, absent parent), alcohol, anger issues, bipolar disorder, blood, bullying, death, depersonalisation disorder, drugs, eating disorders, hallucinations and delusions, homophobia and hate crimes, hospitalisation, manipulation, misogyny, OCD, SA and r*pe, schizophrenia, and transphobia

‘Talking about BPD: A stigma-free guide to living a calmer, happier life with Borderline Personality Disorder’ by Rosie Cappuccino is an accessible, easy to read, inclusive and insightful text on the experiences and information around BPD. As someone with BPD myself, I loved finding a book on the disorder that truly understands it and describes it with compassion and respect, this being undoubtably impacted by the fact the author has BPD herself- which I think is so important when educating and sharing these experiences. The book offers helpful advice and tools on managing different aspects of BPD, as well as providing an extensive list of resources to assist and help out readers. ‘Talking about BPD’ provides a great balance between sharing personal experiences and anecdotes to allow the reader to feel less alone, and sharing the facts and information on borderline personality disorder. I also have to note the inclusivity and intersectionality within this book, it’s great to see mentions of other circumstances that can affect one with borderline personality disorder (for example co-occurring conditions, being a POC, being queer, or being disabled). The topics discussed within the book, as highlighted by the chapters, are:

‘What is BPD?’- an understanding and definition on what BPD actually is and both diagnostic and personal experiences of characteristics of the disorder

‘How does BPD develop?’- an explanation of the many observed and researched ways in which BPD may develop including biological predisposition, trauma and invalidating environments

‘Being diagnosed with BPD’- an insightful exploration of the conflicting feelings and circumstances that come with receiving a BPD diagnosis

‘The stigma surrounding BPD’- delving into both the societal and medical discrimination and stigma placed upon individuals suffering with borderline personality disorder- including unfair and inaccurate stereotypes and the dangers of medical discrimination

‘Talking about BPD’- a discussion surrounding disclosing your borderline diagnosis with others, when it is safe and appropriate to do so, thinking about the reasons in why you want to do so, and accessibility assistance you may be able to gain.

‘Treatments to help with BPD’- Cappuccino delved into the range of different available treatments that have been found to help with BPD- including DBT, ACT, and medication. In doing this she also notes the method that worked best for her, DBT, and described her own personal experiences and benefits

‘DBT- based coping techniques’- within this chapter, specific DBT techniques are explored and described, cappuccino going into detail about the activities and techniques that were most effective and helpful for herself and therefore may be helpful for others suffering with the condition.

‘Self-harm and suicide’- this chapter sensitively discusses the alarming rate of self harm and suicidality within those with BPD, as well as the reasons why someone might self harm or feel suicidal and the emotions that cooccur with this

‘Calmer, happier relationships’- within this chapter. Cappuccino crushes the stereotype of borderlines being unable to maintain healthy relationships, and explores methods and DBT activities that will allow easier and maintainable happy, healthy relationships including boundary setting and open communication

‘’Finding Identity and Meaning’- this final chapter discusses finding self-identity and consistency through values and value-based actions, and reality and radical acceptance

I would strongly recommend this book for individuals with BPD, friends family and loved ones of those with BPD, and anyone who wants to have a greater education and understanding on the personality disorder. The book is easy and quick to read without being too complex in its ideas, allowing readers to develop empathy and understanding for BPD in an accessible manner. Notably, for friends and family members of those with BPD I think this book would provide to be extremely helpful and insightful- placing the reader in the shoes of one with the disorder and allowing greater understanding and empathy.

[T.H. Rivers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much needed book on BPD by someone WITH BPD.


I found this book through watching Rosie’s Youtube channel Talking About BPD and I’m so pleased I did! She’s right that there are very few kind and compassionate books about what I call my personality adaptation rather than personality disorder. That adaptation worked well when I was a child but now definitely needs some serious redirection which I found in this book.

Rosie is right to say there are 256 possible combinations of symptoms so I didn’t totally relate to her version of BPD but having said that I did on many levels. This is a book that helps those with the adaptation realise that a) you are not alone and b) all is not lost.

I found it hugely helpful to have someone who really ‘gets’ BPD on a visceral level, writing about her own journey through it and out towards the light of peace and joy. Her advice is spot on and simple to follow and she writes with great compassion and intelligence. “Trying to make an abusive relationship work is like trying to stay dry in a shipwreck. It’s pointless.” I wish I’d read that when I was in one! (or five...)

This phrase also resonated greatly with me: “In times of great emotional distress we need the same things we needed as small children; to be soothed, comforted and understood.” Rosie provides that in abundance. Thank you for writing this much needed book.

[Leona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really lovely book, and I greatly appreciate the effort of RC to wirte something stigma-free and accessible. Big round of applause for that.
As someone who suffers (suffered?) from BPD/EUPD, I know that my particular strain of sensitivity would have meant that, as soon as I opened the book and began to read, I wouldn't have been able to continue. The first section covers some of the more distressing elements of having BPD, and in particular the chapter 'The Stigma Surrounding BPD?' would have been very upsetting for me to read if I was actually in the thick of my time suffering from the illness. This is a shame because there are some really good sections towards the back of the book about coping, and about creating a positive future. I know from experience (and this is something RC mentions) that ANY glimmer of hope is sometimes enough to lift you up. By contrast - and this is my arugment against having the stigma section at the front - any 'negative' thing can send you spiralling.

Anyway, thank you RC. If only 17 year old Leona could have read this. I had nothing at that age.

[selin · Rating 2 out of 5]

while i do appreciate the compassionate nature of this book i can’t help but think twice about how helpful this framing of how bpd actually is. it’s hard to solidify because people who have the disorder are not a monolith however i think this book misses a crucial aspect that living with bpd can indeed cause people to act in ways that can be considered out of the conventional standards of morality and in my opinion, the framing that people are absolved of that blame immediately and we can just tell ourselves that it’s okay because we have bpd is just sugarcoating an ugly truth. i understand that for a mental health disorder that is stigmatized to this degree, it’s important to encourage people to forgive themselves, however i’m not sure how helpful it is if we can’t accept ourselves as we are, with the good and the bad, by repeating the parts of this book such as: “you’re not manipulative, you’re not a bad person,” etc. i think a study dealing with bpd should also include realizing that you *can* be a “bad” person, and atonement & growth comes with the acceptance of that.

[Io Etherington · Rating 5 out of 5]

Talking About BPD is an amazing, informative book all about Borderline Personality Disorder. It explains what BPD is, how it develops, how to get diagnosed, the stigma that comes with it and how to safely talk to people about it, treatment options, some amazing and very useful coping skills and help with identity and relationships. I feel this book successfully covered everything a person needs to know about the disorder while also being very validating. I loved how the author spoke about her own story with the disorder and left me feeling hopeful that recovery is possible. I absolutely loved this book and would definitely recommend it to anyone who has BPD or loved ones of a person with BPD.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so glad this book exists! my best friend has bpd and recommended this book to me. it's an excellent, accessible, and supportive guide to living with bpd in the face of stigma and barriers to care. I think this is an amazing resource for anyone with bpd and those looking to learn more while avoiding "eggshelly" titles - and I was pleasantly surprised to learn more about DBT and how it might be helpful to me too!

[Amy Mancini · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book reads like a series of blog posts. Without much depth and with a great deal of repetition, the author explores BPD and her experiences with it. Unfortunately, the extensive inclusion of personal examples limits the picture of what BPD looks like even though the author assures us that it presents differently in everyone who has it. The book would have been improved with the inclusion of examples from others.

[Ja123 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Provides a nuanced explanation of BDP. Discussing the dynamics of mental health conditions with nuance deters stigma but, unfortunately, most people feel more comfortable with simplistic explanations. What Rosie went through whilst seeking treatment is heartbreaking, especially how the A&E staff handled her crises; at times, I couldn't hold back my tears. I'm glad Rosie has found DBT to be helpful, and is living the life she never thought she'd have.

[Shawna Peryea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Um. Of course I had to read a book by someone who's last name is Cappuccino!

I found this randomly on Spotify after listening to several other books about BPD, and being disappointed. This was the most accurate one that didn't just go off on a tangent about the author's love life like several other books. I actually felt seen AND learned some skills to help with the struggle. Thank you Rosie!

[Evan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book for those who need/want to learn more about BPD/EUPD. Stigma around this disorder is still quite high - this book covers these stigmas and challenges them, which I think is one of the best parts of the book! Although, there’s nothing in this book that you can’t learn with a Google search or on social media. I already knew everything in this book as I’m very much in the EUPD community online. I still think this is great for those recently diagnosed or have family members/friends with the disorder and needs to understand it more, since it is so complex.

[Sarah Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been reading through several books on BPD in order to better understand and communicate with a loved one who experiences similar symptoms. This book’s been the absolute best on the topic, illuminating DBT and other therapies, providing a hopeful and un-stigmatized view of the diagnosis. Break eggshells over “Stop Walking on Eggshells”! This is the book!

[Cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is well written and Interesting- great for skipping through to find bits you like. I kinda felt though that the ‘BPD struggles’ she had were just similar to normal struggles. I’ve also not be diagnosed with BPD so I’m prob not the target audience!

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent guide. Would reccomend to anyone who wants to learn more about this disorder, specially when most of the litterature around the topic can be very discouraging. I do think it can be helpful and bring hope for those in the healing journey.

[Lucero Rosales · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like a warm hug. A must read for those struggling with BPD or know someone with this diagnosis. Written beautifully without judgment and with a ton of helpful resources for understanding, managing, and living life with BPD. Thank you Rosie, I needed this.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refresher, would recommend to someone

[Rosemary Luscombe · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book I have read about BPD. Finally an honest and factual book, not one riddled with stigma and judgements!! I felt so understood reading this book :)

[lucy, she-her]

i’m glad this book exists. also, the fact it’s a JKP makes it so friendly to read. sometimes JKPs can come off a bit patronising, but this one was alright.

[Ella · Rating 5 out of 5]

very easy read while being incredibly informative, helpful, and compassionate

[✩·.¸¸.·✩ Amani ✩·.¸¸.·✩ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful work for all people who have bpd or might have it. It’s easy to read and to perceive what it looks like to have this condition. Incredible work Rosie! 💗