The Complete Family Guide to Dementia: Everything You Need to Know to Help Your Parent and Yourself

by Thomas F. Harrison, Brent P. Forester

If you are facing the unique challenges of caring for a parent with dementia, you are not alone. What do you do when your loved one so plainly needs assistance, but is confused, angry, or resistant to your help? Where can you find the vital information you need, when you need it? Journalist Thomas Harrison and leading geriatric psychiatrist Brent Forester show that you don’t have to be a medical expert to be a good care provider in this authoritative guide. They explain the basics of dementia and offer effective strategies for coping with the medical, emotional, and financial toll. With the right skills, you can navigate changing family roles, communicate better with your parent, keep him or her safe, and manage difficult behaviors. Learn how to "care smarter, not harder"--and help your loved one maintain the best possible quality of life.

Winner (Second Place)-- American Journal of Nursing  Book of the Year Award, Consumer Health Category

Winner (Third Place)--Foreword INDIES Book of the Year Award, Family & Relationships Category

Genres: Medical

243 pages, Paperback

Published August 3, 2022

Reviews

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent resource for an adult child of a dementia patient. It was not a fast read, I had to read a chapter and think about how it applied to my parent. I borrowed this book from our local library, but it was so helpful, I've ordered my own copy of the book to have on hand.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

My approach to something I don't understand, whether it is a literary question, one that involves the Constitution, teaching strategies, or a medical diagnosis, is to wrestle it to the ground with research. I stop when I think I get it, or that I am armed with the information to take the next steps, or...in this case, I know what I need to know...for now.

This book is one that the Director of the Social Day Program at my local senior center recommends for anyone interested in learning more about dementia. Organized in four sections, "Understanding Your Parent's Dementia," "Understanding Your New Relationship with Your Parent," "Caring Smarter, Not Harder," and "The Later Stages" - targeted topics with brief discussions focused on positive, practical, respectful resolutions for the patient and caregiver - is a valuable resource for any family or friend.

Perhaps the most helpful chapter for me involved goal setting, not feel-good/aspirational goals ("I want my Mom to be happy",) but goals that would allow you to guide decision making; to do something yourself; and something that's likely to bring you peace and satisfaction in the long term. The authors recommend: 1. What's Most Important? or "What's the most important thing?" 2. Feelings, Not Words or "I'll listen to the feelings, not just the words." 3. Fixing and Sympathizing or "I'll fix what I can, and as for what I can't, I'll sympathize." 4. The "Good Enough" Relationship or "I will work to have a good enough relationship with my parent." and 5. Respecting Your Own Boundaries.

The overview is substantial, and the organization provides an accessible resource for anyone looking for recommendations to navigate this insidious disease.

[Carol Greenland · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an adult child of a parent who has dementia, I only wish I had found this book much sooner in our journey. I had originally borrowed it from the library, but shortly into it, I knew it was a must-have and ended up purchasing my own copy. It was not a long book, but I really took my time with it, often rereading passages to make sure the content really stuck with me. I would highly recommend this to anyone who is dealing with a parent who has dementia as your relationship with them does shift. The book gives many helpful strategies in dealing with the disease, changing behaviors, personal guilt, and the importance of having grace not only with your parent but yourself.

[Tonke Bult · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nuttig boek vol praktische tips

[Charles Northey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite obviously this is not a read for everyone, but as someone who is in the situation I found many interesting attitudes and approaches that will be helpful now and as my father declines.

[Akura Wallington · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading this book after my grandmother was taken out of my care. So i have read it in spite. Its helped me cope with the decisions i had to make for her knowing that what i chose in the end is what lots of medical professionals would have recommended. Its helped me understand interacting with someone dementia & lots of knowledge on also caring for someone with dementia. Taking on the roll of being someones full time care provider is a huge one. It talks about all the things you should do to prepare, there are checklists within the book also.

This book was so sympathetic that i would assume it was written by a woman. There isnt a topic or feeling in the book that isnt touched when dealing with the parent, or family, or siblings. Its very much all about prevention & being smart. Its about being good enough but not perfect. Its also about learning how to put their care ahead of your own feelings/preferences as some family becomes greedy over their time with the parent.

If i could give anyone advice, it would be to make a living will, an end of life will, & set up any arrangements for it all now. It is so much easier to have all these steps in place as opposed to doing it when a family member isnt fully coherent anymore. I would recommend only assigning one power of attorney as opposed to two & to understand that you cant actually make any decisions for your loved one until they are deemed incompetent. Its best to try to convince them that what you are doing has all their best interests in mind. & if you are in the convincing boat i sure hope your intentions do have their best interests in mind.

Also remember that everything you do can be undone by highly motivated family if they think that what your doing isnt necessary. & if thats the case i feel for you, as i have been there. Everything perfectly in place to have short term, & long term care setup to be wrecked by other family in the matter of days. Keep records of everything you do for your parent & any receipts if you've spent their money on their behalf. At the end of the day their motives come from their own personal feelings of guilt or other emotions they are having issues coping with. As long as what you did had your parents best interests in mind i hope that, thats enough comfort for you to sleep at night because you will turn into the villain in the majority of your families stories.

I would also like to add that the sooner your parent, you, & all your family around you accepts & treats dementia like the terminal illness it is. The better. The sooner everyone is on the same page, the better. Dealing with one family member with dementia, is dealing with everyone around as-well.

[KR · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am the sole primary caregiver for my mother, who has multifactorial dementia. When I first became her caregiver, the amount I didn't know about the diagnosis of dementia was almost as scary as hearing the diagnosis itself. What is dementia? More than just a terminal, progressive disorder, it's a disease that changes how we communicate, feel, perceive, and care - both as caregivers and as the person with cognitive decline. I have never read a book that has more accurately captured and affirmed the unique (and oftentimes draining) experience of a child caregiver. Other dementia books are valuable in their focus; some are about strategies for caring, some are about engaging a person with cognitive loss in activities. This book is special because it provides an overview for care planning - which is exactly what I do now at my job. I became a geriatric social worker so that I could take the pain and helplessness I felt upon becoming a caregiver and use that to help someone else NOT have such a hard time. Beyond that, this book also has tips for managing care in a way that can actually make the experience more enjoyable for everyone involved. Generally, it has information that is helpful to non-child caregivers as well, for example, What medicines are used for cognitive decline and how effective are they?, When is it appropriate to look at a facility placement?, and How do I communicate with a person with dementia?, to name just a few topics. This book is invaluable to counselors of caregivers as well, especially those who don't have their own first hand experience; it offers the latest ideas and information about the best practices and planning in dementia care. Can't stop recommending it!!

[Pattee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think that this was a very helpful book for understanding the myriad decisions and emotions that a family care provider goes through, and in understanding what the person with dementia or even other aging issues may experience in decline. I think the suggestions both generally and specifically, can be very helpful to family loving and caring for someone with dementia and other aging/declining issues.

[Pridemitch · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an EXCELLENT book - gave very practical advice and tips, explained things that totally made sense, and went well beyond just standard examples. Describing the changes in your parent and the challenges that you go through as a caregiver and as a family were so very true. I only wished it had just one more chapter (recognizing long distance family caregivers) and the challenges we face as well. But overall this has been the best dementia guide I have read, I would highly recommend it.

[Mollie Dirig · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is a lot of good information here. Some isn’t applicable for my situation at this time. I’m glad I have read it so that when/if the time comes for my dad to go to a care facility, I have a resource to return to.

[Danne · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s the book you wish you didn’t have to read, but if you find yourself in this horrible situation, this is an excellent and very thorough resource that covers every aspect of dealing with this disease.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got some good pointers/tips from this book for things to share preparing for and things to squirrel away for when needed.

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really excellent book. And even though the language is specific to helping a parent, the concepts will be helpful for life partners as well.

[Lorrie A Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good information

[Terri Frank · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars