Unstacking Your Grief Tower : A Guide to Processing Grief as an Adult Third Culture Kid

by Lauren Wells

Children who grow up outside their parents passport country, Third Culture Kids, are prone to experiencing a considerable amount of grief and loss. These grief-inducing experiences stack up like blocks on a tower. Unfortunately, they don't dissolve over time and instead, need to be intentionally unstacked no matter how old the now-adult Third Culture Kid is. This guide teaches about the Grief Tower methodology and guides Adult Third Culture Kids through unstacking their Grief Tower. It includes workbook pages so that the concepts can be interacted with.

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief, Psychology, Health

93 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 24, 2021

Reviews

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really great little book that's an easy read. Describes the grief towers that can be built as a third culture kid and has practical ways how to grieve the losses or events. It asks questions for you as an adult to process, related to how you do relationships, coping mechanisms etc.

[Brianna Petersheim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book.

In some ways it was very simple, yet it named and acknowledged common Third Culture Kid grief in a new and refreshing way. I found myself viewing my own experiences in a new way.

Highly recommend for any Adult Third Culture Kid.

[Megan Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a helpful guide to thinking about and processing a TCK life as an adult TCK. I think many people would probably benefit from this book. I know that I want to go back through a work though some grief blocks and using this process could be helpful. This book is more of a long extended guided activity and not a book to sit down and read through.

[Karli · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was skeptical about this book because the author has religious beliefs I rejected and doesn’t have any academic background in trauma or counseling. I decided to read it anyway because the content is very relevant to me.
As I said, she’s not an academic and this is not an academic text, but it is an approachable way for TCKs to address their trauma without professional help. I think it could also be helpful in learning how to talk to a therapist, or anyone who is monocultural, about how TCKs experience grief as a result of their third culture experience.
I would recommend this to other adult TCKs.
Despite being written by a Christian, the religious references were few and the author didn’t proselytize.

[Anita Yoder · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 for actionable content. This is a valuable resource for adult third culture kids. In the barest of simple language, it guides the reader to ways of metabolizing losses, griefs, and trauma unique to them.
There's nothing poetic or beautiful about the writing but it's a kind of work book so it does that job well.

[Smooth Via · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an absolute necessity for any adult TCK and also valuable tool for any parent of a TCK who is not yet an adult. I have given this book to my teenage kids who are not yet adults. I see that it will be very valuable to them, especially going through the workbook pages at the end of each chapter. I think it will be very valuable for them moving forward as I already see in them much of the trauma that has talked about in the book. I'm hoping that this will give them some tools to deal with their trauma before they become adults.

[Claire Sibley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hard but necessary book for any adult third culture kid ready to face the grief blocks that have accumulated over time. I discovered more about myself and my story through this interactive book and actually seeing my grief tower on paper was a defining moment of my healing process.

This book opened up a lot of hard feelings, though, and I would advise any ATCK to be sure you are in a place of support and stability before you begin unstacking. Whether you are doing it alone or with a counselor, having people you can go to when you need support is crucial with this type of work.

[Katrina Koehler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll have to go back and do the activities. Once I've done them, I'll update this review.

In the meantime, this book held no surprises for me. Some of the examples from the author's life were helpful to recognize what could create unresolved grief, but the book could have used many more. At times, the book felt like an infomercial with the many plugs for her TCK counselling services.

I am looking forward to using the prompts to, at a minimum, identify the unresolved grief blocks in my tower, though.

[Anna H · Rating 5 out of 5]

It'll make you laugh in empathy and understanding. It'll give you ah-ha! moments. And it'll probably make you feel seen and cry. A really great, small, book to begin the unpacking process.

Side note- don't do as I did. When the book says to not read it all at once, you should listen. It may be small but it's a lot to take in at once.

If you're a TCK or love one and want to understand them better, I'd strongly recommend reading this.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I'm not a TCK. Much of Lauren Wells' advice sounded pretty standard counselling advice, but imbedding it in a TCK context helps those people feel heard, understood, and valued. I can see that this would be a helpful book for expats and their children--even to work through before going overseas to know the sorts of things that children will deal with and how to help them process it beforehand so they don't end up stacking up all kinds of grief for later years.

[Kandi Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

I give this book to every adult TCK I meet and make sure they know they don’t have to journey through unstacking their grief tower alone. Lauren and the team at TCK Training offer amazing resources for adult TCKs and parents of TCKs. Highly recommend anyone who works with TCKs, is a parent of TCKs or is a TCK check out TCK Training!

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this book enough for TCKs and those raising TCKs. The book had excellent practical tips for processing grief but wasn't overwhelming. As an adult TCK recently going through another really big transition, I worked through the book and found it extremely helpful.

[Christy Carmean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short, extremely practical guide to acknowledging, processing, and moving forward from grief for ATCKs. Thanks, Lauren, for making the process able to be broken down in steps for those who want to do the hard work but need a guide.

[Anna Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been a wonderful read. I highly reccomend it for anyone that has been a TCK or even moved overseas in their adult years. It helps you delve deep to process past trauma and to move forward with it in a healthy way.

[Anna Paulec · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cant speak highly enough of this book for TCKs working through their upbringing. It confronts the difficulty of holding hardships and gratefulness. It helped me process my hurts while also appreciating the pure goodness in my time overseas.

[Nikaley Chandler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend for all Adult TCKs. If you are a parent of TCKs—go check out The Grief Tower and Raising Healthy TCKs by the same author.

[Abi Emmett · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a Third Culture Kid, I would HIGHLY recommend going through this. Helped me process a lot that I had no language to process before.

[Tim Wester · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brief but good thoughts

[Caroline M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly insightful guide for navigating your grief as an ATCK. I have recommended this book to many friends.

[Sarah L Bedi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful guide

A great resource to work through and be aware of living well through trials and adventures. Also helpful to read with others and share life.

[Scott Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not an adult TCK but I have raised 3. I also work with a lot of adult TCKs. This book helps me understand what they went through. Very easy ready...very impactful.

[Mason · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful tool to work through grief and questions associated with the life of a third-culture kid.

[Rebecca]

This book would have been so helpful to be in my 20s. A short, clear guide on how to name and process through compounded grief and trauma in adult third culture kids.

[Brittany D · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I'm not a TCK I decided to read this for 2 reasons: 1) Because I'm raising a TCK and 2) Because I did have a highly mobile childhood which is one of the 2 main hallmarks of TCKS so there was a lot I could relate to. I never experienced any big T Traumas but that doesn't mean that little t traumas can't add up. The main point, as reflected in the title, is the importance of processing which wasn't as helpful for my own journey but I'm still glad I read this as I prepare to lead my daughter through the TCK lifestyle. I'm also looking forward to reading Wells' book Raising Up a Generation of Healthy TCKS, which is more geared towards parents of TCKs.