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Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope
Do you ever berate yourself over minor happenings? Do you feel unworthy and wonder why God would love you? Do you struggle to overcome memories of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse? If so, you may be suffering from unhealthy shame―which, if not corrected, can produce bitterness and negativity in your life. From the author of the acclaimed book Listening for God comes the life-transforming book Shame Lifter, based on author Marilyn Hontz's personal story of releasing her own shame and embarking instead on a life of freedom, forgiveness, and truth.
- GenresNonfictionChristian
240 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
August 25, 2017
A relevant and moving read, although somewhat cheesy in some areas. This is a fault that only came down to the writing style, because the overall content was top quality.
June 25, 2020
I read a few chapters of this book 4 years ago, but I had to put it down because it was overwhelming for me. I could very well relate to the author's experiences so it opened up a bottle of memories that I didn't want to deal with at that time. I gave this book another chance this month and felt God's grace guiding me as I read and had to reopen some wounds that weren't healed yet. Some of her experiences were in parallel to mine and most of the chapters brought tears to my eyes. I've dealt with shame ever since I was a little girl. This book has greatly helped and encouraged me to cling to God as my Father. I was reminded of how much He loves me just for who I am and not based on my performance. Even though this is not a parenting book, I learned a lot about how not to give shame to children. This book will definitely stay close to my heart. Thank you Marilyn for sharing your story with us. ❤️
September 11, 2009
Perfect for : Personal Use
In a nutshell: In Shame Lifter, Marilyn has written a very revealing and helpful book about how to discover the things in your life that have created a feeling of shame, which may result in feelings of inadequacy and fear. Not only does she help you to discover things that have contributed to these feelings, she gives you the tools to help understand how to heal from them! This is a great book to read for yourself, as well as to share with others.
Extended Review: I am a perfectionist, and yet I never feel done. My husband would laugh at this statement, as he sees a completely different side of me - the one where I can completely overwhelm myself because I don't think I know what I'm doing, or that there is no way I can do it correctly. As I began to read Shame Lifter, I realized that according to Marilyn's description of a shame-based perspective on life (described in the introduction): I'm always afraid that what I do will not be good enough, that people won't like me, that I will forget to mention something important, etc. While I've always assumed these faults were based on a lack of confidence, the author points out that these are traits of shame. At some point in my life, I must have done something (probably many somethings that added up) that made me feel shame. As I think back, I was never the most popular girl in school, I felt bad if I missed a word during a spelling contest, etc - I think the early years of school can either build you up, or really make you weary.
As I continued to read through the book, I found that I could relate in little ways to a lot of the things that Marilyn was sharing. Then I found inspiration and clarity in the questions at the end of each chapter, and the Shame Lifter activities.
I think that a lot of being able to change is understanding how we became what we are, and then having a goal of what we want to be - and this book is the perfect companion to accomplish this. I really hadn't given much thought to the things that have sculpted me over the years to create the woman that I am today, I am very proud of some things, and have discovered that I will be even happier if I stop ignoring the fact that the fear of rejection or making a mistake was holding me back from fully experiencing life.
Now that I am more aware, I can continue to re-visit some of the chapters that were more relevant to my life and heal by going through the questions and Shame Lifter Activities. I also plan to share this book with some of the people in my life.
Content: Marilyn has written a very good introduction that explains how Shame Lifer came about, and what it is. She then has eleven chapters that focus on different things. Then she has a Father's Love Letter (p. 185) where she has shared many inspirational scriptures, and finally there is an appendix section with some really helpful information.
Format: In each chapter, Marilyn uses an example from her life to illustrate the main points. (She includes pertinent scriptures throughout the book where appropriate.) Each main chapter ends with a series of questions to help you make discoveries of your own, then a few Shame Lifter activities to help you heal, or allow you to help someone else heal. Finally, there is a prayer at the end of each chapter.
Readability: The book was very easy to read and understand.
Overall: A wonderfully helpful book for anyone experiencing fear, shame, guilt, etc, or for someone who wants to help others experiencing shame. The book does help you find the truth and change your fears into hope. I plan to share this book with a lot of people in my life. Hopefully some will find comfort and hope, and others will be inspired to help others by becoming Shame Lifters.
In a nutshell: In Shame Lifter, Marilyn has written a very revealing and helpful book about how to discover the things in your life that have created a feeling of shame, which may result in feelings of inadequacy and fear. Not only does she help you to discover things that have contributed to these feelings, she gives you the tools to help understand how to heal from them! This is a great book to read for yourself, as well as to share with others.
Extended Review: I am a perfectionist, and yet I never feel done. My husband would laugh at this statement, as he sees a completely different side of me - the one where I can completely overwhelm myself because I don't think I know what I'm doing, or that there is no way I can do it correctly. As I began to read Shame Lifter, I realized that according to Marilyn's description of a shame-based perspective on life (described in the introduction): I'm always afraid that what I do will not be good enough, that people won't like me, that I will forget to mention something important, etc. While I've always assumed these faults were based on a lack of confidence, the author points out that these are traits of shame. At some point in my life, I must have done something (probably many somethings that added up) that made me feel shame. As I think back, I was never the most popular girl in school, I felt bad if I missed a word during a spelling contest, etc - I think the early years of school can either build you up, or really make you weary.
As I continued to read through the book, I found that I could relate in little ways to a lot of the things that Marilyn was sharing. Then I found inspiration and clarity in the questions at the end of each chapter, and the Shame Lifter activities.
I think that a lot of being able to change is understanding how we became what we are, and then having a goal of what we want to be - and this book is the perfect companion to accomplish this. I really hadn't given much thought to the things that have sculpted me over the years to create the woman that I am today, I am very proud of some things, and have discovered that I will be even happier if I stop ignoring the fact that the fear of rejection or making a mistake was holding me back from fully experiencing life.
Now that I am more aware, I can continue to re-visit some of the chapters that were more relevant to my life and heal by going through the questions and Shame Lifter Activities. I also plan to share this book with some of the people in my life.
Content: Marilyn has written a very good introduction that explains how Shame Lifer came about, and what it is. She then has eleven chapters that focus on different things. Then she has a Father's Love Letter (p. 185) where she has shared many inspirational scriptures, and finally there is an appendix section with some really helpful information.
Format: In each chapter, Marilyn uses an example from her life to illustrate the main points. (She includes pertinent scriptures throughout the book where appropriate.) Each main chapter ends with a series of questions to help you make discoveries of your own, then a few Shame Lifter activities to help you heal, or allow you to help someone else heal. Finally, there is a prayer at the end of each chapter.
Readability: The book was very easy to read and understand.
Overall: A wonderfully helpful book for anyone experiencing fear, shame, guilt, etc, or for someone who wants to help others experiencing shame. The book does help you find the truth and change your fears into hope. I plan to share this book with a lot of people in my life. Hopefully some will find comfort and hope, and others will be inspired to help others by becoming Shame Lifters.
January 25, 2010
I'm still working my way through the last few chapters of this book, but am really getting a lot out of it. The author basically takes you through the story of her childhood and young adulthood and shows very poignantly the trauma inflicted on her and where God was through all of it. The point in the book where she is able to forgive her father after many, many years of disappointment and the effect it had on him is just amazing. She doesn't gloss over any of it to make it easier to swallow, and I think anyone who reads this will find yourself facing painful memories of your own,,,but perhaps with new tools to work through them. It also made me feel a lot less sorry for myself when I saw, as she did, all the "God sightings" in a person's life, when he puts a person or an event in your path just when you need them, and how THEY too are called to give you just what you need. He does not remove suffering from anyone's life, but He is right with you through all of it and uses it to shape you to be more like Christ, who knew suffering beyond what any of us have experienced.
The questions and exercises at the end of each chapter are very good..I had a hard time slowing down enough to focus on them because I wanted to get to the next part of her story, but I think they would be good written on index cards and maybe try to do one a week, such as finding a person who feels "shamed" by where they are in life for whatever reason and finding a way to lift them up. She has great practical suggestions for how to better communicate this to someone in the back of the book. I think I will be a better wife, parent, and a better Christian with no guilt trip! to be any of those things after having read this.
Some ideas I liked and found freeing.....1. the idea of "reforgiveness"...sometimes we forgive someone, but old feelings can be triggered again when they have really hurt us, and we have to forgive them all over again. Maybe not go through the whole process, but not just shrug it off either. This isn't the same as holding a grudge and refusing to forgive..it's just recognizing that we're all human and reforgiveness is sometimes part of the process. I love that she shows that it IS a process...we all want to get it over with quickly, or if we can't do that, it seems impossible. She suggests the idea of putting someone who's really hurt you in "Jesus jail"...where you're releasing them to let God deal with them as far as justice goes rather than you while you work on forgiveness.
It's also very encouraging that this woman is a grandmother and just now writing this book, and has lived her whole life as a good Christian girl and a pastor's wife. Yet she feels the same things I feel, being somewhat more of a mess int he eyes of the world. Her "toxic shame" came mostly from things that had been done to her, but the same process applies to dealing with shame over things you've done to others. Whether it's your sin or someone else's. Jesus took all of it on the cross,and He wants us to accept that and be free from the shame. The ideas in here are a good place to start.
The questions and exercises at the end of each chapter are very good..I had a hard time slowing down enough to focus on them because I wanted to get to the next part of her story, but I think they would be good written on index cards and maybe try to do one a week, such as finding a person who feels "shamed" by where they are in life for whatever reason and finding a way to lift them up. She has great practical suggestions for how to better communicate this to someone in the back of the book. I think I will be a better wife, parent, and a better Christian with no guilt trip! to be any of those things after having read this.
Some ideas I liked and found freeing.....1. the idea of "reforgiveness"...sometimes we forgive someone, but old feelings can be triggered again when they have really hurt us, and we have to forgive them all over again. Maybe not go through the whole process, but not just shrug it off either. This isn't the same as holding a grudge and refusing to forgive..it's just recognizing that we're all human and reforgiveness is sometimes part of the process. I love that she shows that it IS a process...we all want to get it over with quickly, or if we can't do that, it seems impossible. She suggests the idea of putting someone who's really hurt you in "Jesus jail"...where you're releasing them to let God deal with them as far as justice goes rather than you while you work on forgiveness.
It's also very encouraging that this woman is a grandmother and just now writing this book, and has lived her whole life as a good Christian girl and a pastor's wife. Yet she feels the same things I feel, being somewhat more of a mess int he eyes of the world. Her "toxic shame" came mostly from things that had been done to her, but the same process applies to dealing with shame over things you've done to others. Whether it's your sin or someone else's. Jesus took all of it on the cross,and He wants us to accept that and be free from the shame. The ideas in here are a good place to start.
March 2, 2009
I was excited to get the chance to read this book - it is dealing with such a huge issue - shame. Marilyn approaches this issue from the heart because she dealt with it her whole life, sometimes not even realizing it. She tells her personal story and it is so interesting and gripping that I read through this book in two days. I wouldn't necessarily recommend doing that, because it is meant to really help you dig deep and work through shame issues you might have. But you need to understand that while I can read a non-fiction book in a day or two, I struggle through most non-fiction books. I didn't struggle here at all. Marilyn's writing is wonderfully light and easy to read, while incredibly engaging. Her story will pull you in while the end of the chapters will help you heal. At the end of each chapter she has 3 things to do...
1) How About You? There are a few questions that get you thinking about whether what Marilyn dealt with in that chapter might be something that you need to deal with too.
2) Shame Lifters. Here Marilyn mentions some things you can do to start working through these issues, practical self-help, along with scripture to lift you up.
3) A Prayer. The chapter ends with a prayer that you can pray that helps pour your heart out to your Heavenly Father.
I can't even begin to tell you the list of people that I want to pass this book onto! It is wonderful! Shame Lifters could change the body of Christ one reader at a time by letting them see themselves as God sees them instead of through the eyeglasses of shame that they usually wear.
1) How About You? There are a few questions that get you thinking about whether what Marilyn dealt with in that chapter might be something that you need to deal with too.
2) Shame Lifters. Here Marilyn mentions some things you can do to start working through these issues, practical self-help, along with scripture to lift you up.
3) A Prayer. The chapter ends with a prayer that you can pray that helps pour your heart out to your Heavenly Father.
I can't even begin to tell you the list of people that I want to pass this book onto! It is wonderful! Shame Lifters could change the body of Christ one reader at a time by letting them see themselves as God sees them instead of through the eyeglasses of shame that they usually wear.
July 12, 2009
Marilyn Hontz explains the sources of shame and how to find freedom by mixing this information into the story of her personal journey from shame to freedom. There are sections at the end of each chapter with questions and scripture to help the reader apply what was learned.
While the book does seem to be somewhat slanted toward a female audience, the information can be used by anyone. The book is easy to read and easy to understand. The points made in the book are in line with what the Bible teaches and are often backed up by specific scriptures.
The first half of the book focuses on humans and their behavior--identifying the source of your shame, how your actions can lift shame from others, recognizing a shame-giver and how their words affect you, and how guilt becomes shame.
The second half of the book is Christ-focused and teaches on forgiveness, depending on God, discovering the truth of our identity in Christ and how God sees us, and the many ways God brings healing into our lives. (Yes, she tells us various things we can do, but the focus is still on Christ.)
I'd highly recommend this book to anyone, even those who don't personally deal with toxic shame. Quite likely, you know someone who is in bondage to shame, and this book can help you know how to help them.
While the book does seem to be somewhat slanted toward a female audience, the information can be used by anyone. The book is easy to read and easy to understand. The points made in the book are in line with what the Bible teaches and are often backed up by specific scriptures.
The first half of the book focuses on humans and their behavior--identifying the source of your shame, how your actions can lift shame from others, recognizing a shame-giver and how their words affect you, and how guilt becomes shame.
The second half of the book is Christ-focused and teaches on forgiveness, depending on God, discovering the truth of our identity in Christ and how God sees us, and the many ways God brings healing into our lives. (Yes, she tells us various things we can do, but the focus is still on Christ.)
I'd highly recommend this book to anyone, even those who don't personally deal with toxic shame. Quite likely, you know someone who is in bondage to shame, and this book can help you know how to help them.
July 12, 2012
No matter what has happened to us we can all be Shame Lifters!!!
July 7, 2015
Words can't explain. This is a book I need to re- read over a few times.
July 31, 2018
Marilyn has a beautiful soul and faith so deep; she is admirable to me. I recommend this book not only on the knowledge of shame, but by the perspective of faith and what Jesus has done in her life.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews