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Wanting What's Best: Parenting, Privilege, and Building a Just World
When privileged parents say that they “want what's best” for their child, they don't consciously add “and not for other children.”
Yet the practical effect of parents with privilege relentlessly pursuing their own child's interests is that other children are left behind. Author Sarah W. Jaffe interviewed dozens of parents who are resisting the cultural pressures to seek "the best" for only their kids while navigating some of the major decisions that parents make—about childcare, schools, how they use their time and money, and the legacy they hope to leave their kids. These may not feel like political decisions, but each either contributes to a system where only a few can thrive or takes a small step toward dismantling it.
Our children are watching and learning from how we make choices. How we treat the people who care for them tells them how they should behave as a boss. Where we send them to school teaches them about their place in the world. How we spend our time and money sends them more powerful messages about how to spend theirs than any lecture about the importance of giving back or gratitude ever could.
What does it look like to fight for other people's children as if the future of your own child depended on it? What choices would you make?
Yet the practical effect of parents with privilege relentlessly pursuing their own child's interests is that other children are left behind. Author Sarah W. Jaffe interviewed dozens of parents who are resisting the cultural pressures to seek "the best" for only their kids while navigating some of the major decisions that parents make—about childcare, schools, how they use their time and money, and the legacy they hope to leave their kids. These may not feel like political decisions, but each either contributes to a system where only a few can thrive or takes a small step toward dismantling it.
Our children are watching and learning from how we make choices. How we treat the people who care for them tells them how they should behave as a boss. Where we send them to school teaches them about their place in the world. How we spend our time and money sends them more powerful messages about how to spend theirs than any lecture about the importance of giving back or gratitude ever could.
What does it look like to fight for other people's children as if the future of your own child depended on it? What choices would you make?
256 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2022
8 people are currently reading
1537 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
February 20, 2023
I understand the intention behind this book and appreciate some of the research it did, but it felt disconnected with some of its earlier points. Claiming that parents should align their values with which daycare they send a child to (read: paying more for a school that pays its workers a living wage) didn't match with some of the discussion on choosing schools to send a kid to (no comments on teachers' salaries or universities where classes are largely taught by underpaid adjuncts). Some of the critiques of parents not including enough families when forming pods during the global pandemic was a fairly privileged take from someone who may not have known how it felt to limit all socialization due to immunocompomised family members.
May 8, 2022
While Jaffe delves into the hard truths and uncomfortable underpinnings of what it means to raise a child in America today, she also provides sage guidance on how to navigate the journey and make thoughtful choices that are mindful of the broader impact we can have. She notes the power that collective actions have, and also shares a mindset I found incredibly helpful: every decision should be guided not by getting the best, but by living out your values. Thought-provoking and wise.
September 22, 2022
I love everything Sarah Jaffe writes, so when I found out she was writing about the issues of privilege and race around parenting, I was excited. This book is a fantastic intro to big-idea things to think about around childcare, school (private/public/charter), college, and even talking to your kids about money. I love that it brings up questions and issues, but also finishes each chapter with concrete things that readers can do to address these issues. No, the solutions proposed won't solve all our systemic issues, but hey, at least it's a start.
I also appreciated the last chapter, where Jaffe wrestles with her own thoughts and unease about writing this book.
I also appreciated the last chapter, where Jaffe wrestles with her own thoughts and unease about writing this book.
November 17, 2022
Glad I listened to this versus reading. Easy to jump in and out of. Liked the list of “actions to do now” that closed each chapter. Created lots of space for both personal and professional reflections as a white, female parent and educator. Want to discuss with anyone else who has read!
August 2, 2022
This book was clear and extremely thoughtful, but the think I liked best about it was that it managed to be devoid of BS and shaming. That’s a very tough needle to thread and Sarah Jaffe does it brilliantly. An actually helpful book about parenting.
January 22, 2025
I listened to Wanting What's Best: Parenting, Privilege, and Building a Just World by Sarah W. Jaffe, and found it to be both clear and deeply thoughtful. What stood out to me was her ability to research, interview, and synthesize complex information in a way that felt accessible without being judgmental. Sarah does a remarkable job of articulating the discomfort many middle- and upper-class parents experience in today’s world, especially when it comes to navigating privilege and raising children in a socially conscious way.
As a Black parent living in Canada, I wasn’t the target audience for this book, which is why I rated it 3 stars. That said, this isn't a flaw of Sarah's—she does a wonderful job of acknowledging her own position and the book’s limitations, especially regarding its focus on American parenting culture and its roots in U.S. school systems and politics. While a lot of the content is relatable, some sections might feel less applicable to those outside the U.S. Still, I appreciated her openness about these shortcomings, and I felt the book was still valuable in many respects.
One of the book’s strengths is its practical approach. Sarah offers actionable steps for parents, as well as an extensive list of recommended books that extend the conversation beyond her own work. Despite the book’s primary focus on affluent white parents in the U.S., I found many of the insights—particularly around privilege, social justice, and the importance of self-awareness—very relevant and thought-provoking. Sarah does an excellent job of deconstructing why these issues tend to resonate most with this demographic, and how understanding this is crucial to building a more just world.
Overall, Wanting What's Best is a well-researched and insightful resource for parents, especially those who are looking to navigate the complexities of privilege and societal expectations. Even if you’re not part of the intended audience, it’s worth reading for its thoughtful analysis and actionable takeaways.
As a Black parent living in Canada, I wasn’t the target audience for this book, which is why I rated it 3 stars. That said, this isn't a flaw of Sarah's—she does a wonderful job of acknowledging her own position and the book’s limitations, especially regarding its focus on American parenting culture and its roots in U.S. school systems and politics. While a lot of the content is relatable, some sections might feel less applicable to those outside the U.S. Still, I appreciated her openness about these shortcomings, and I felt the book was still valuable in many respects.
One of the book’s strengths is its practical approach. Sarah offers actionable steps for parents, as well as an extensive list of recommended books that extend the conversation beyond her own work. Despite the book’s primary focus on affluent white parents in the U.S., I found many of the insights—particularly around privilege, social justice, and the importance of self-awareness—very relevant and thought-provoking. Sarah does an excellent job of deconstructing why these issues tend to resonate most with this demographic, and how understanding this is crucial to building a more just world.
Overall, Wanting What's Best is a well-researched and insightful resource for parents, especially those who are looking to navigate the complexities of privilege and societal expectations. Even if you’re not part of the intended audience, it’s worth reading for its thoughtful analysis and actionable takeaways.
July 6, 2022
Hey White parents: instead of buying the next Emily Oster book, buy this one! It's also written by someone who is not an expert parent but is an expert in her field (journalism) and uses her ability to research, interview, and synthesize information to create a resource guide with some pointers on how to parent and also work to be a good citizen.
Jaffe starts by looking at "snowplow parents," a term I didn't know but totally get--those parents who try to remove all obstacles from their child's way to lead them to success. But what does that actually do for your child and their resilience? Jaffe tackles large categories of decisions that need to be made in a family, starting with childcare and moving on to school, college, money and activism. How do you ask the right questions when you visit schools? How do you help in your community without redoing work that has already been done? How can you be a good ally?
I like that there ae action steps on how to create your family goals and tons of recommended books to read as you try to build a just world and parent a child at the same time. Like all good parenting books, it raises more questions than it answers but provides some really fantastic road maps to try to guide decision making.
Jaffe starts by looking at "snowplow parents," a term I didn't know but totally get--those parents who try to remove all obstacles from their child's way to lead them to success. But what does that actually do for your child and their resilience? Jaffe tackles large categories of decisions that need to be made in a family, starting with childcare and moving on to school, college, money and activism. How do you ask the right questions when you visit schools? How do you help in your community without redoing work that has already been done? How can you be a good ally?
I like that there ae action steps on how to create your family goals and tons of recommended books to read as you try to build a just world and parent a child at the same time. Like all good parenting books, it raises more questions than it answers but provides some really fantastic road maps to try to guide decision making.
October 25, 2025
Wanting What’s Best: Parenting, Privilege, and Building a Just World by Sarah W. Jaffe is a thought-provoking, deeply humane examination of how love, privilege, and justice intersect in modern parenting.
With empathy and precision, Jaffe challenges a powerful cultural myth that “wanting what’s best” for one’s own child can be separated from what’s best for all children. Through dozens of interviews with parents navigating real choices about education, childcare, time, and money, she exposes how even well-intentioned decisions can sustain systems of inequality and how they can also begin to change them.
Jaffe’s writing is both intellectually rigorous and emotionally resonant, blending social critique with moral clarity. She reveals that parenting is never just personal it’s profoundly political. Every choice parents make, from who cares for their children to where they send them to school, shapes the next generation’s sense of fairness, empathy, and responsibility.
A vital read for anyone who wants to raise children and build communities with conscience, Wanting What’s Best belongs beside Coddling of the American Mind and Parent Nation. It’s a compassionate call to rethink privilege not as guilt, but as an opportunity for solidarity and transformation.
With empathy and precision, Jaffe challenges a powerful cultural myth that “wanting what’s best” for one’s own child can be separated from what’s best for all children. Through dozens of interviews with parents navigating real choices about education, childcare, time, and money, she exposes how even well-intentioned decisions can sustain systems of inequality and how they can also begin to change them.
Jaffe’s writing is both intellectually rigorous and emotionally resonant, blending social critique with moral clarity. She reveals that parenting is never just personal it’s profoundly political. Every choice parents make, from who cares for their children to where they send them to school, shapes the next generation’s sense of fairness, empathy, and responsibility.
A vital read for anyone who wants to raise children and build communities with conscience, Wanting What’s Best belongs beside Coddling of the American Mind and Parent Nation. It’s a compassionate call to rethink privilege not as guilt, but as an opportunity for solidarity and transformation.
April 24, 2023
The author puts into words the discomfort I have felt about modern parenting in middle class and upper class America. The profiles of parents working to come up with solutions in their families was helpful in imagining a different future. In simultaneously reading “Poverty, By America” by Matthew Desmond, I wonder if Jaffe is missing anything about the role of capitalism and entrepreneurs profiting off of the anxieties of parents, but otherwise an excellent read i a quick package.
December 13, 2022
Essential reading for privileged white parents who feel conflicted about doing what's "best" for their kids and what is best for all kids and society as a whole - and for those privileged white parents who may need their eyes opened to the fact that getting your kid every "advantage" means asking the question "Advantage over whom?"
May 31, 2022
Thoughtful and well written book that helped me rethink what it means to live my values as a mother, family member, and community member. I also appreciated that she included many common traps, white parents like myself, often fall into as we begin to do the work.
June 6, 2023
This book was heavily cited in another book I really loved, Courtney Martin’s Learning in Public. I really appreciated how Jaffe told so many different families’ stories and didn’t preach any one path as the “right” way.
September 18, 2023
A brilliant book that took me so long to get through because it made me uncomfortable in the best way— it challenged notions of privilege I hadn’t even considered and urged me to rethink some core parenting principles. I highly encourage every parent and prospective parent to read this book.
July 2, 2022
The book is well written, well sourced, and caused me to rethink my own place in the world. Definitely would recommend for anybody who has children or is thinking of having them.
July 19, 2022
Excellent read.
July 20, 2022
A thoughtful book that manages both to highlight the complexity of the issues while also offering concrete and actionable suggestions on what to do.
August 30, 2022
I really enjoyed this book - it makes you think but doesn’t tell you how to think - like other parenting books so often do.
October 22, 2022
This is a brilliant book and such a refreshing change from the usual parenting discourse. I want to make all my friends read it so we can talk about how apply the concepts to our own lives.
January 21, 2023
Ordered it for our parent library at school. A must-read for parents who are well off and/or white.
January 27, 2023
This was an interesting read. Covers the privilege/politics/structural racism inherent in choices for daycare, school & college.
April 17, 2023
This belongs on the list of essential reading for parenthood. Really thought-provoking and action oriented. I will be buying a copy to read another several times to grapple with these ideas more.
August 28, 2023
A great, easy-to-follow guide to parenting in line with values of equality and fairness as you look at different phases of your kiddo's life.
November 30, 2024
I loved this book! Very readable with lots of great interviews and case histories, and so much concrete advice on how to look out for everyone and not just your own kid. Highly recommend!
November 8, 2022
thought provoking!
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews