Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: It Works for Me - It Can Work for You

by Albert Ellis

Albert Ellis, the renowned creator of one of the most successful forms of psychotherapy ― Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) ― offers this candid self-assessment, which reveals how he overcame his own mental and physical problems using the techniques of REBT. Part memoir and part self-help guide, this very personal story traces the private struggles that Ellis faced from early childhood to well into his adult life. Whether you are already familiar with Ellis's many best-selling psychology books or are discovering his work for the first time, you will gain many insights into how to deal with your problems by seeing how Ellis learned to cope with his own serious challenges.In his early life, Ellis was faced with a major physical disability, chronic nephritis, which plagued him from age five to nine and led to hospitalization. This experience then caused the emotional reaction of separation anxiety. At this time he also suffered from severe, migraine-like headaches, which persisted into his forties. Later in life, he realized that some of his emotional upset was the result of initially taking parental neglect too seriously. Active and energetic by nature, he gradually learned that the best way to cope with any problem, physical or emotional, was to stop "catastrophizing" and to do something to correct it.As Ellis points out in all of his work, when faced with adversity, we must realize that we have a real choice, either to think rationally about the problem or to react irrationally. The first choice leads to healthy consequences―normal emotions such as sorrow, regret, frustration, or annoyance, which are justifiable reactions to troubling situations. The second choice leads to the unhealthy consequences of anxiety, depression, rage, and low self-esteem. When we recognize irrational beliefs as such, we must then use our reason to dispute their validity. Ellis goes on to describe how these techniques helped him to cope with many other adult emotional problems, including failure in love affairs, shame, anger, distress over his parents' divorce, stress from others' reactions to his atheistic convictions, and upset due to his attitudes about academic and professional setbacks.Honest and unflinching yet always positive and forward-looking, Ellis demonstrates how to gain and grow from trying experiences through rational thinking.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Biography, Personal Development

270 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Albert Ellis was an American psychologist who in 1955 developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). He held M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in clinical psychology from Columbia University and American Board of Professional Psychology (ABPP). He also founded and was the President of the New York City-based Albert Ellis Institute for decades.
He is generally considered to be one of the originators of the cognitive revolutionary paradigm shift in psychotherapy and the founder of cognitive-behavioral therapies. Based on a 1982 professional survey of USA and Canadian psychologists, he was considered as the second most influential psychotherapist in history (Carl Rogers ranked first in the survey; Sigmund Freud was ranked third).

Reviews

[Don · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I'm a nonperfectionist," Albert Ellis writes early in the book. "When I write something, I could easily revise it and improve it. But, with little revision, I send it off to the printer and use the available time to write something else." And yeah, that definitely shows here. This is not a polished memoir. This is rather a stream-of-conscious amalgam of memoir, teaching, ranting, etc. And I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Ellis spends these pages recounting his life, at times telling stories that any editor would have sorely wanted to excise. There's a chapter titled "My Bout with Severe Headaches" and another titled "Conducting My Lifelong Battle with Diabetes." At first one gets the impression that this is just another old man going down some rabbit trail. But Ellis spends very little time "farting around" and uses these anecdotes to explain how he used REBT in his own life -- how IBs (Irrational Beliefs) caused Cs (Emotional Consequences) and how he in time replaced those IBs with RBs (Rational Beliefs) -- and we in turn see how we can use these techniques ourselves.

Okay, the writing can at times get tedious -- e.g., "Alas, in 1958, at the age of forty-five, I was definitely diagnosed as having type 1 insulin-dependent diabetes; and, as advised in those days, I ruthlessly cut out all sugar and most fats, and started taking insulin -- at first, only seven units a day..." -- but the payoff in the end, for me at least, is worth it.

Ellis is by all measures an eccentric character who seems to hold nothing back, whether he's recalling how as a teenager he used to board "crowded trains" so he could rub his "mid-section against women's backsides and hips and soon get delicious orgasms" or explaining that he never had children because "frankly I haven't got the time to take the kids to the goddamn ball game." Some might be turned off by this brutal honesty, but it serves an important purpose, showing how REBT can be applied to our most personal problems and role modeling what it means to not be driven by other people's shoulds and oughts.

I definitely understand why some reviewers didn't enjoy this read. Ellis is a very strange bird; basically imagine that cantankerous grandfather who doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks and then increasing that don't-give-a-shit attitude by a factor of 7 or 8. And his writing style is definitely dated; I hadn't heard someone utter the word "horseshit" since my own grandfather, long dead, used that word to describe my political beliefs. And yet I loved spending time in the virtual company of this man. I leave this book inspired by Ellis' courage, hoping I can summon similar courage to analyze my own thoughts and find my own peace and healing.

[Nick Imrie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not an introduction to REBT. When Ellis describes how it worked for him, it's along the lines of: 'I just used the stage F of the ABC protocol (stage F: fuck those guys) to overcome this problem. The clearest summary of the general principles is in the appendix.
As a biography though, it's a very interesting read. Ellis describes his work creating REBT, the early life circumstances that helped to inspire his philosophy, the various personal events that he overcame with the power of REBT and his work as a radical, both politically and theraputically.
If this were a work of fiction, I would not hesitate to describe Ellis as an unreliable narrator. He is shameless in his own praise:

At first, I won few friends and influenced few people with my honesty and directness. But I courageously continued.

Phrases like this are hilarous in their arrogance, but Ellis is firm in his belief that we should not depend on the opinions of others - and I suppose, if the only opinion that gratifies you is your own, then why be modest? And history has largely proven Ellis right. In the 1950s psychotherapy was in its heydey in the USA, and when Ellis called it all out as bunk and moved towards the creation of REBT, this was an unthinkable move. Now, it is much more acceptable to say that not everybody wants to fuck their mother, and endlessly talking about your childhood may not necessarily help your agoraphobia.
Likewise, Ellis was an early and vigorous agitator before the sexual revolution for women's sexual rights, clitoral orgasms, gay rights and free love. It's hard now to really comprehend how dangerous and radical it was to be outspoken on these matters, when some of them have become common place. He practised what he preached, having open relationships with numerous women. Towards the end of the book, he says:

When therapists and clients briefly hear about my love and marital 'record' they sometimes conclude that I have 'trouble relating to women and am not to be trusted to counsel maritally inclined people. 'False' I say on several counts because I have probably helped more relating people than almost any other therapist and writer.

And I was twinged with guilt, because I had thought exactly this on reading of his sexual past. Ellis is apparently honest in his writing, describing his lovers in unflattering terms such as 'hopelessly screwy'. His relationship with his first wife sounds like a clusterfuck of passive-aggressive, needy, co-dependent bullshit. Their relationship includes a secret marriage, which takes place after lying to her parents, followed by an imemdiate breakup and an annulment facilitated by lying to a judge. Of course, after they break up they remain 'friendly (including sexually friendly)'. And although she is 'too crazy and sometimes suicidal' for Ellis, he helps her to sleep with other men out of the goodness of his heart. Although he often describes himself as 'glad to be rid of her' and pleased to no longer be responsible for her, they keep getting back together. At no point does Ellis even imagine that staying in this drama-ridden nightmare of a relationship indicates something rather immature, or not entirely sane, in him - no, the madness is all on her part! When he describes helping her to lose her virginity to another man he is wildly triumphant about conquering his own sexual jealousy. This glorious victory so overshadows any concerns for her experience that he seems quite narcissistic.
He describes at length the joys of frotteurism on public transport which is 'the cheapest and easiest sex I ever had [...] in some ways it was great: no fuss, no obligations, no time wasted, no having to put up with the inane conversation of most women, no pregnancy, no disease, no boredom'. The underlying misogyny of this statement, and the hostility toward actually relating with other people rather than just jacking off on them, really did make me feel that perhaps Ellis could not be a particularly great expert on relationships. He seemed certain that 'if done tactfully and politely, it was harmless, seldom an intrusion' and after 'one negative glance or push away from me and I immediately withdrew'.
I am grateful to the sexual revolution, and the brave people who won it, for many things - but I am heartily thankful that frotteurism did not make it into the category of acceptable sexual behaviours! Even a man attempting to start something on a bus or train is deeply unpleasant (usually because they begin by sticking their penis into the small of your back and seeing what you do next - I wonder if Ellis had a less offensive method of gauging a woman's interest). Perhaps things were utterly different in the 1930s? Ellis says 'I was grateful to my anonymous partners - and was happy that I obviously pleased so many of them'. But how on earth does a man sexually please a woman by rubbing his dick against her through two layers of clothes on a crowded train? And can there really be so many people who enjoy this? Was the world - prior to the sexual revolution - so utterly unsatisfied that crowds of people could only find release in the awkward rubbing of strangers?
Altogether, it was a very interesting glimpse into a very strange world - made even more uncanny by those moments where it seemed familiar.

[Roxana · Rating 4 out of 5]

An autobiographical book about Albert Ellis, who created REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy). I realized that he precedes Beck's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and even glimpsed his philosophy in EFT tapping routines.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very useful with lots of insights. Some notes:

The "ABCs of REBT"
Adversity --> Consequence --> Beliefs (Irrational or Rational) --> Disputation of Irrational Beliefs

Using disputing statements (of IBs) and rational coping statements (of RBs) about Adversities.

Judging or criticizing your behavior and/or your deeds, but never yourSELF, your person.

Unconditional Self Acceptance
Unconditional Other Acceptance
Unconditional Life Acceptance

Nonperfectionism, "anti-neediness" "anti-awfulization" "anti-shoulding" (or anti-"must"erbation)

Examples: I "must" be good, smooth, articulate, successful, etc. --> replace these statements with "I prefer to be (good/to do well, etc) but I never HAVE to fulfill these preferences. I may desire X but I never NEED what I desire (antineediness). Now let me work like hell to get what I want!"

Developing high frustration tolerance (HFT)

Other "musts" that hold us back: I "must" do well; Other people "must" treat me the way I want them too; The world "must" be a certain way, etc. These statements should all be "disputed" and replaced with less needy and more psychologically productive statements.

[Goodread_ton · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Ellis Autobiography (sort of)

I enjoyed this semi-autobiographical book which deals with how Ellis developed and used REBT on himself. And how you can learn too, as the subtitle suggests.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

REBT is my favorite therapy. However this book is more of a memoir than a manual for treatment.

[Vrushankram · Rating 4 out of 5]

Would've loved it if it delved deeper into the various techniques and applications of rebt, but overall a great book which helped me personally too

[Melon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned a lot about Albert Ellis and none of it was surprising

[Lauryi Knowles · Rating 1 out of 5]

He might be a famous psychologist with lots of fans, but this man comes across as a narcissist pervert. And, he can’t write despite his bragging about how many books he’s published.

[Arthur]

I had previously written a thoughtful review, but the more I thought about it, the more that review felt like a sham. Fact is, I have no way of objectively reviewing this book. I could put it in the greater context of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, outline how therapy has evolved from its psychoanalysis days. I could talk about the fact that Ellis's technique was developed from a philosophical Stoic dictum: 'it is not the things themselves that bother us, it is our interpretations of those things'. That's all background. From where I sit now, with a distinct distrust towards therapy and the mental hygiene movement in general, Ellis's book is another oddity in a vast body of oddities known as psychiatric literature, which I can read with historical or biographical interest, but never as serious methodologies to actual be used in my real life.

[Lorilee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ellis points to his own life explaining his childhood challenges with his parents, peers, and health. Eventually he addresses his sexual urges and relationships with women as he progresses in his career as well as his challenges with his health. In all cases, he evolves his understanding of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and how he evolved an understanding of the tenets which served him throughout his life. He explains his own challenges with procrastination, feeling threatened by the lack of acknowledgment of colleagues who plagiarized his work, and the continuing saga of women he found himself attracted to and in relationships with. It's all very interesting. The most useful section of the book for me came at the end when he put the tenets of REBT in a succinct format that allowed me to imagine using it in my own life as well as with the clients with whom I work. I liked this book enough to continue to read some of his other works of which there are many to choose.

[Josh · Rating 2 out of 5]

So I think there's two things here. While the topic is interesting, the delivery in this book gets old quickly.

Rational emotive behavior therapy was developed by Albert Ellis and definitely works for certain types of issues. Hopefully to not oversimplify the therapy technique, it involves coming to terms with the fact that quite simply, shit happens. It doesn't mean the world hates, it doesn't mean everything is always going to be shitty. It just means that's what happens. So the therapy often involves asking people to question so they begin to realize their isn't some perfect way everything needs to turn out for it to be okay.

Now looking at Ellis, while he could be an outspoken asshole, he definitely found something that works for people to resolve a good portion of their problems.

If you're interested in the topic, I'd suggest finding a more detailed book on the topic and skipping this one, as it's a bit biographical to be what you're probably looking for.

[MyTherapist · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a therapist in New York I recommend this book to many of my clients. It's nice to have anecdotes of how Ellis puts a theory into actual practice in his life, a life filled with conflicts - just like everyone else's. Ellis had family drama, marriage troubles, sex issues, health problems, etc - just like you, me and everyone else, and this book shows how he navigated those issues using the original style of cognitive behavioral therapy, called rational emotive behavior therapy. I don't love his writing style, but the information is great, and the man was a genius.

[Joel Justiss · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book consists of a series of short chapters describing difficulties that Ellis experienced in his life and explaining how he used REBT to respond to them in positive ways. The tone is often self-congratulatory, although he also confesses to failures. Overlooking the repetitive explanations of REBT, I found many of the stories quite interesting as autobiography.

[Phillip · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book to read for someone interested in biographical information and to experience the voice of Albert Ellis. The down side is he is awfully self-congratulatory. It is difficult to always believe him. Of course, he was 91 when the book came out. At that point he could claim anything he wanted to.

[Nada · Rating 3 out of 5]

I discovered that Ellis is an arrogant perv.

[Deseri · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Ellis and his approach to counseling and treatment.