Waiting for My Cats to Die

by Stacy Horn

When Stacy Horn--single, deeply addicted to television, and hopelessly attached to two diabetic cats--turned forty, she free-falled into a mid-life crisis. Waiting for My Cats to Die is a passionately and profoundly honest look at what happens the moment you realize--beyond a shadow of a doubt--that some day the credits will roll on your life. There are all those things you haven't done yet. There are all those things you have and wish you hadn't. In the battle against time, a frontal attack is the best strategy.

Horn explores abandoned cemeteries and descends into crypts. She researches long-lost relatives, interviews the elderly, and learns all she can about the ghost haunting her apartment. No sign indicating the downward pull of things goes unnoticed. And yet life, with so much to celebrate, is irresistible. Here is a wonderful, quirky, refreshing memoir of hilarity and heartache: life at the mid-point of life.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Essays, Cats, Animals, Humor

320 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2001

About the author

I've just finished up my seventh non-fiction book, the Killing Fields of East New York, followed by a very long subtitle. First I thought I was telling the story of why a particular neighborhood in Brooklyn had the highest number of unsolved murders in New York. Then I realized I was also telling the story of white collar crime and how it is more destructive than street crime. In the end, I saw that the core of the story went even deeper and was far more terrible.

Reviews

[Rachel]

Stacy Horn is on the wrong side of 40, lives with her cats, spends a lot of time online, and considers watching TV a kind of a life. This all sounds so familiar but this review is not about me, so let's move on. Waiting for My Cats to Die is a collection of essays broken down into categories that include Death (Horn is fascinated with all things death-related and, according to her friend Mikal, has an unhappy ghost living in her apartment), Cats (about Veets and Beamers, her two diabetic pets), Music (she plays the drums in a samba group), Work (running an online community called EchoNYC and her efforts to sell it), Nostalgia (this seems to be mainly about people who died a long time ago), and Romance (which could also be titled "Nostalgia" -- no offense, Stacy). Despite the amount of time that Horn spends in graveyards and combing through death records, the theme of the book seems to be about figuring out how to be content in life when it doesn't look like it's going to turn out the way you would have hoped and your time to make it turn out that way is growing shorter more quickly than you would have anticipated.

What I loved about Horn is her ability to find happiness in all the little everyday things, be it the way her cats comfort each other, a really good pumpkin pie, or a new episode of The Sopranos. But the book itself is thin; it's sometimes funny and sometimes wise, but overall, it felt like I was reading a series of posts from a good blog ten years after the fact (the book was published in 2001). Her other books, all non-fiction, are on subjects that don't interest me, but since she ranges wide (from choral music to the paranormal), she's someone I would keep an eye on in the future.

[Lisa]

Stacy, can we talk? You need to get out of NYC once in a while, my friend. You have oddly sheltered views on many things. Yes, everything you say is true: life is depressing and then you die. Not only that, you get old first. Things change that we don’t want to change. Like our looks. But I just turned fifty and feel fantastic, and not in an “Up With People” denial sort of way.

Here are a few of the chapters: "Death" "Cats" "Fantasy" "Death" "Cats" "Beauty" "Death"
"Cats" "Death".

So many parallels with my own life. Stacy, you are brilliant but messed-up. I had a definite love-hate relationship with this book. So many things similar, so many not. The death stuff was so depressing I wanted to bail, yet other parts can only be described as brilliant.

[Susan Scruton]

I first read this morbid memoir about 15 or 20 years ago. I loved it so much I gave it away to an online buddy who was on bed rest for a pregnancy. She asked for good books and it was my best book, so I sent it to her. (I was so nice back then.)

I've thought about this book many times since. Sometimes a favourite book comes along at the right time in your life, and you don't want to risk re-reading it later because you might fall out of love with it. There are only about 5 books that I love this much, and this is one of them. Eventually I decided to take the risk. I found a used hardcover copy online and ordered it. As soon as I started re-reading it, I knew I still loved it. Phew.

Stacy Horn and I have a lot in common, from our age to our stomachs to our online lives to our morbid curiosity. She makes me like myself more because we're a lot alike and I really like her. She's obsessed with death and I always read the obituaries before I even get out of bed in the morning! I collect antique post-mortem photographs! We both love cemeteries and cats! She consulted the municipal archives to find out who the ghost in her apartment is, which is exactly what I would've done if my apartment had a ghost. We both think about the meaning of life and feel anguished about the time we're wasting. (I'm watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy...I wonder what Stacy's watching.)

The re-reading was just as good as the first reading. But then I got to a chapter titled "Cats." (A lot of the chapters are titled "Cats" or "Death.") She's writing about her fear of her diabetic cats dying because she loves them so much. (Seriously, she loves them way more than is normal or healthy.) I got to this sentence: "He's the one who tried to be sympa-day, it's not serious." Wait, what??
I flipped back and forth between the two pages, re-reading the sentence. Sure enough, sympa-day, it's not serious. Turns out my copy of the book is missing pages 217 to 248. These are 31 critical pages because one of her cats, Veets, dies in those pages. You can tell from the title of the book - Waiting for My Cats to Die - how critical these pages must be.

It doesn't look like the missing pages were removed...it looks like they were never there in the first place. Anyway, I contacted the seller and they refunded my money which was super-nice, but they didn't have another copy to send me. So no pages 217-248 for me, unless serendipity intervenes. (I believe in serendipity.)

I'm curious to know if Stacy still fears death. I don't anymore. It's weird, but the closer I get to being realistically old enough to die of natural causes, the less I fear it. I mean, I don't want to die, but it wouldn't be the end of the world, would it? Would it?

[Lisa]

What an odd, sweet book - kind of like reading someone's journal without the guilt. It's funny because if my friend Lynn hadn't liked it so much (enough to send me a copy) I probably wouldn't have made it through the first few pages. Stacy Horn hits a bunch of my biases right out of the starting gate -- people who talk about how lame they are as almost a point of pride, defining yourself as "liking to watch TV" -- things that speak entirely to my own high level of crankiness with humanity. But she won me over in spite of that -- and in fact she turns out not to be lame at all. The meditations on her fear of death totally spoke to me -- and of course the cat love. It ended up being 180 degrees away from the book it presented as at first, and I came away touched by the honesty.

[Lizbeth]

This book is one I read annually. I've lent it out so many times that I've had to replace it at least four times.

Is it that I'm a single, middle-aged, cat-loving woman as comfortable delving into death as I am delving into life? Hard to know.

What I do know is I felt like I knew the author after the first reading. Stacy Horn manages grim topics with sensitivity and humor.

"I keep coming back to death the same way I can't stop touching a sore tooth with my tongue to see if it still hurts." pg 14.

I love this book. It inspired me to volunteer at a local hospice, and gives me something to look forward to as I begin my every-fall re-read of WAITING FOR MY CATS TO DIE.

[Lindaanne]

Loved "Waiting for My Cats to Die", especially its wry humor, self-effacing honesty and the hands-on research that much of it was based on. I lived in Stacy's neighborhood in the 80s and even know one or two of the people she mentioned in the book. I also have two elderly dogs so could totally relate to Stacy's love for her cats. In fact I felt like I was reading a book written by a close friend. And thank you Stacy for visiting Hart Island and letting us know it isn't such a bad place. Two people I was close to are buried there, and I feel comforted by your description. Can't wait to read more of Stacy's work, she's a uniquely talented voice.

[L Huber]

I read 147 pages.

Stacy, you are not funny. Your fantasies are uninspired. You care too much about cats and not enough about people. Stop watching so much tv and hanging out in chat rooms you will not meet "the one" doing that. Finally, everyone is obsessed with death. This was the only interesting part of your book and your mid-life crisis.

[Moira]

A painfully funny and achingly wise memoir. Stacy Horn is sadly neglected -- if I had my way she would be as feted as Anne Lamott for this one book alone. (Her book on cold cases is also excellent.)

[Bickgirl24]

Started reading this about a year ago. It's not that it's boring...it's just that I choose to read it slowly...a chapter every couple of days.

[E.]

When I first started this book, I didn’t think I’d be too keen on it because it gave me Samantha Irby vibes. Happily though, I found I got along with it more as I continued to read and the author found her rhythm. I actually quite enjoyed how this book is formatted, how there are a few recurring themes throughout the book and how she made these themes the title of each new chapter instead of coming up with title names (which takes more effort and who actually reads them? I liked being able to glance up and have a one or two word summary of what each section was going to be about). I also find Horn as a person has a very compelling perspective to read from and I can relate to her a lot (even though I’m not middle aged yet). A good way to pass the time.

[Mikayla]

For the first few chapters, this book is interesting and fun. Then it very quickly became boring and strange. For a little while, the narrator is relatable. Then that ends, and you can sort of laugh at her (not in a rude way). Then that ends, and she just kind of becomes like that weird aunt you have that shows up once in a while at family events and just always seems to have some kind of story that you have to politely laugh at. I couldn't force myself to finish the book and sold it to a used-book store. I feel sorry for the person who finds it there and reads it.

[Misty]

I picked up Waiting for My Cats to Die because she mentioned having a diabetic cat -- and at the time, so did I. I didn't really know what to expect from the book. The title is morbid, of course :). However, this is a really interestingly organized autobiography. You'll laugh, and you will cry. I don't normally read autobiographies -- but this one is one I am glad I made the exception for.

[Hope Halvey]

Fun to read the perspective of a forty-something as a twenty-something twenty years after the book was written. Im both thinking about the past (early chat rooms, and how they've evolved) and the future (where is stacy now? what will I be like at 40?) Both exactly what I expected from this book, and not at all what I expected

[Merrill]

Hilarious, relatable, beautiful language. A perennial Christmas gift to NYers on my list.

[Amy]

I'm not even finished and I have an opinion....this book is definitely a mixed bag. There are parts that are laugh out loud funny. There are parts that are thoughtful, introspective, and touching. And then there are some parts that are just ramblings that go on and on with "woe is me" pessimism and narcissism that we could all do without. This book has the potential to be great, but could have benefited from a heavy editorial hand. Even though it is no masterpiece, I will continue to read it because there are enough good parts that keep me wondering what will happen next.

So, now I'm finished and one thing I would like to comment on is the interviews that she does for the book with older people about thoughts on their lives, aging, death and dying. Some questions that she poses are: What are the main differences between the young you and the you now? How do you feel when you see your body in the mirror? What scares you? You are addressing someone you care about, someone young. Please finish this sentence. "If you only knew..." What would you like to experience one last time? Looking back on it all, what will you miss the most? Was it worth it? why?
The answers are some of the most fascinating reading in this book. And the questions are interesting ones to ponder, at various stages in life.

[Carmen]

I've heard an interp cutting from this book two weeks in a row and totally loved it. The performance was great (1st place out of EIGHT) but the material was first rate. It's out of print, I guess, but can be purchase from Amazon used. Stay tuned.

Okay. This book was odd, but I did like it. She's 40+, in the throws of midlife and constantly contemplates death: hers, the cats, other people and that of the ghost in her apartment. The cat parts mean nothing to me, but I think a "cat person" would feel deeply for the care and money she puts into her cats.

There were some funny bits, but mostly it was very, very depressing and like most memoirs, it left me with little resolution.

I think I'll read it again in 10-15 years.

[Rachel]

The first few pages of this book were off-putting to me. Horn is 40-something, unhappily unmarried, unnaturally attached to her chronically ill cats, obsessed with mortality and she bluntly lays this all out at the beginning of the book. If my sister hadn't liked this book so much I might have put it down, which would have been a shame because it really is a very fun read. (Really... trust me.) (Horn reminds me a little of my sister. I am comforted by the fact that she hasn't taken up drumming or cemetery weeding.)

[Rachel]

This was a weird book: a collection of the author's thoughts on death, loneliness and her self-described midlife crisis, combined with little vignettes about old places in New York and a few interviews with older people on how they think about their lives. And let's not forget the description of the death of one of her beloved cats. Although these are heavy topics, the author has a sense of humor about life and seems to have made peace with her anxieties and fears by the book's end.

As someone who's sort of obsessed with death myself, I liked this book, although it may not be for everyone.

[Jaena4 Beadling]

Again, I wish they had half stars; this isn't quite a 4, but it also deserves more than a 3. I really like parts of this book. I read it in a day, so it was absorbing enough. It got a bit bogged down in the chapters I didn't really care about. She describes the book's structure as flipping through various channels of her life (romance, cats, death, etc) and I found myself interested in some and annoyed by some.

[Elaine]

People can be put off the title, but those dedicated to caring for animals know they will face their loved ones deaths because they don't live as long as we do. Stacy Horn is a great story teller. She struggles with being a single woman in New York with these two elderly cats. One needs to have a shot every day to help with an old-age malady. She's funny and serious and everyone who has ever loved a cat . . . or a dog, or any non-human creature should check it out.

[Lilian]

Another of my rainy day books. Unlike the other cat books I've read recently, at least this one says it's really a memoir of Ms Horn and not just only about her dying cats. It's easy to read despite the morbid subject because the chapters read more like essays, so really this is a collection of personal essays on death and cats, midlife crisis, ghosts, cemeteries and the Internet. I could sometimes relate to Ms Horn's experiences and opinions, so naturally this was an interesting read for me.

[Skyler]

Read in 2008. Cats. Death. The Social Internet. (The author created a social internet site called echonyc...well before Facebook.) And Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All the themes that run through this memoir speak deeply to me. It is my favourite book of 2008 so far. Perhaps my favourite book of the decade.

Reread it, November 2021. My favorite book of the century so far.

[Marilyn]

A Fabulously funny book! Some great lines and insights. A great quick read if you are looking for something light in between having read Maughm and Boyd!!

[Brooklyn]

Entertaining enough.

[Florence Buchholz]

The title horrified me, but I became an involved and sympathetic proponent of the author.

[toki]

I only read a few pages of this book. The title of it was interesting, but I couldn't get into it. One of the few books I have opened that I actually had to simply put down.

[Carrie]

Nice to know there is someone else out there who has had some of the same crazy thoughts i have!

[Brenna]

I could barely get past the first few chapters. I never knew death could be talked of in such a boring manner. Ugh.

[Erin]

Heartwarming, charming, and self-consciously honest. I will be reading this again.

[Erin Waters]

If you've ever loved an animal...this book is perfect for you