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352 pages, Paperback
First published August 2, 2016
come to my blog!["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>“At first I used to see Heather everywhere. Connor too, of course. From the corner of my eye I’d catch a glimpse of one, or the other of them, and there’d be that sharp, cold lurch that would leave me sick and shaken long after I’d realized that it had been an illusion; just a stranger with similar hair or the same way of walking.
Whenever it happened I’d go somewhere busy and lose myself among the crowds, roaming the southeast London streets until I’d reassured myself that all that was very far away and long ago. A small West Midlands town a million miles from here. And the doorbell rings and rings as I’d always known it would one day.
Because there she is (Heather) standing on her doorstep, staring at her (Edie). There, after all, this time, is Heather. And she had imagined this, dreamed of this, dreaded this, so many hundreds of times for so many years that the reality is both surreal and anticlimactic. They stand in silence, two thirty-three-year-old versions of the girls we'd once been."
“I’ll look after you. Don’t worry. I’ll always look after you.”
"You don’t know, do you, when you’re a kid, how hard it is being a grown-up? All you want is to be a grown-up too. I thought I’d be so much better at it than [my mom] was, and now that I am one, I realize how stupid that was.”
He never speaks about her, but you can somehow see the memory of her there still, in his eyes and his smile, the way they do remain a part of us, those people who have hurt us very deeply or whom we have hurt, never letting us go, not entirely.