What do you think?
Rate this book
After the Lights Go Out
A harrowing and spellbinding story about family, the complications of mixed-race relationships, misplaced loyalties, and the price athletes pay to entertain—from the critically acclaimed author of Three-Fifths
Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace, a mixed-race MMA fighter on the wrong side of thirty, is facing the fight of his life. Xavier is losing his battle with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), or pugilistic dementia—a struggle he can no longer deny. Through the fog of memory loss, migraines, and paranoia, Xavier does his best to keep in shape while he waits for the call that will reinstate him after a year-long suspension.
Until then, he watches his diet and trains every day at the Philadelphia gym owned by his cousin-cum-manager, Shot, a retired champion boxer to whom Xavier owes an unpayable debt. Xavier makes ends meet by teaching youth classes at Shot’s gym and by living rent-free in the house of his white father, whom Xavier has been forced to commit to a nursing home because of the progress of his end-stage Alzheimer’s. Dementia has revealed a shocking truth about Sam Wallace, and Xavier finally gains insight into why his Black mother left the family when Xavier was young.
As Xavier battles his aging body and his failing brain, each day is filled with challenges and setbacks. Then Xavier is offered a chance at redemption: a last-minute comeback fight in the largest MMA promotion. If he can get himself back in the game, he’ll be able to clear his name and begin to pay off Shot. But with his memory in shreds and his life crumbling around him, can Xavier hold onto the focus he needs to survive? After the Lights Go Out is a haunting, unflinching look at the aftermath of a career in MMA—as Xavier forgets everything around him, you'll want to remember every single word.
Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace, a mixed-race MMA fighter on the wrong side of thirty, is facing the fight of his life. Xavier is losing his battle with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), or pugilistic dementia—a struggle he can no longer deny. Through the fog of memory loss, migraines, and paranoia, Xavier does his best to keep in shape while he waits for the call that will reinstate him after a year-long suspension.
Until then, he watches his diet and trains every day at the Philadelphia gym owned by his cousin-cum-manager, Shot, a retired champion boxer to whom Xavier owes an unpayable debt. Xavier makes ends meet by teaching youth classes at Shot’s gym and by living rent-free in the house of his white father, whom Xavier has been forced to commit to a nursing home because of the progress of his end-stage Alzheimer’s. Dementia has revealed a shocking truth about Sam Wallace, and Xavier finally gains insight into why his Black mother left the family when Xavier was young.
As Xavier battles his aging body and his failing brain, each day is filled with challenges and setbacks. Then Xavier is offered a chance at redemption: a last-minute comeback fight in the largest MMA promotion. If he can get himself back in the game, he’ll be able to clear his name and begin to pay off Shot. But with his memory in shreds and his life crumbling around him, can Xavier hold onto the focus he needs to survive? After the Lights Go Out is a haunting, unflinching look at the aftermath of a career in MMA—as Xavier forgets everything around him, you'll want to remember every single word.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published June 7, 2022
79 people are currently reading
5113 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 176 reviews
August 29, 2022
"Look, there's a redemption arc in this for you, right? Aging fighter, disgraced for pissing hot, takes a last-minute fight against some brash up and comer right after his suspension is up. You can't write that shit."
Well, Vercher can indeed write that shit, and quite well, thank you.
His second book presents a fantastic character study of Xavier, an aging, mixed race, mixed martial arts fighter on a downhill slide. His years in the cage have left him with pugilistic dementia - debilitating migraines, memory lapses, and paranoia. On top of all that, he's forced to confront the specter of his father's rapid descent into dementia, and his violent spells which reveal that he's not the man Xavier thought he was.
At times, this was almost too intense to read. I loved Xavier, and I was genuinely worried about his well being. This is undoubtedly one of the best books of the year.
Well, Vercher can indeed write that shit, and quite well, thank you.
His second book presents a fantastic character study of Xavier, an aging, mixed race, mixed martial arts fighter on a downhill slide. His years in the cage have left him with pugilistic dementia - debilitating migraines, memory lapses, and paranoia. On top of all that, he's forced to confront the specter of his father's rapid descent into dementia, and his violent spells which reveal that he's not the man Xavier thought he was.
At times, this was almost too intense to read. I loved Xavier, and I was genuinely worried about his well being. This is undoubtedly one of the best books of the year.
June 20, 2024
Real Rating: 4.5* of five, rounded up
The Publisher Says: A harrowing and spellbinding story about family, the complications of mixed-race relationships, misplaced loyalties, and the price athletes pay to entertain—from the critically acclaimed author of Three-Fifths
Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace, a mixed-race MMA fighter on the wrong side of thirty, is facing the fight of his life. Xavier is losing his battle with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), or pugilistic dementia—a struggle he can no longer deny. Through the fog of memory loss, migraines, and paranoia, Xavier does his best to keep in shape while he waits for the call that will reinstate him after a year-long suspension.
Until then, he watches his diet and trains every day at the Philadelphia gym owned by his cousin-cum-manager, Shot, a retired champion boxer to whom Xavier owes an unpayable debt. Xavier makes ends meet by teaching youth classes at Shot’s gym and by living rent-free in the house of his white father, whom Xavier has been forced to commit to a nursing home because of the progress of his end-stage Alzheimer’s. Dementia has revealed a shocking truth about Sam Wallace, and Xavier finally gains insight into why his Black mother left the family when Xavier was young.
As Xavier battles his aging body and his failing brain, each day is filled with challenges and setbacks. Then Xavier is offered a chance at redemption: a last-minute comeback fight in the largest MMA promotion. If he can get himself back in the game, he’ll be able to clear his name and begin to pay off Shot. But with his memory in shreds and his life crumbling around him, can Xavier hold onto the focus he needs to survive? After the Lights Go Out is a haunting, unflinching look at the aftermath of a career in MMA—as Xavier forgets everything around him, you'll want to remember every single word.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: This is one rough ride of a book. There are people whose road through life is not paved, has many potholes, throws up gravel and clouds of caliche dust as their bald-tired forty-year-old chassis bounces and shakes over to one ditch, down into another. And that is who we're with here. Xavier is not, was never, expecting a limo ride, not even waiting for a cab ride...he's still rollin' but the roll is slow and it's not getting faster.
The bad marriage he came from was made worse by its permanent poison-gift to him. His mother was Black and father white, so he knows something a lot of people don't have to: Not belonging to either side in a war isn't being neutral. That's a gift only those with a clear side, one that can't be denied, are given. He's mixed. He's mixed up, he's mixed it up in fights his whole life. No one wanted him on their team so he used what strength and speed he could find to go one-on-one with other rage-filled testosterone-poisoned Others.
Now nearing forty, he's sure he's got no future. So is everyone else but they never thought he had a present. His efforts to get one more headline bout in Mixed Martial Arts are, as we meet him, wavering in and out of existence in front of eyes that don't connect to his brain right anymore. The voices he hears clearest are the ones in his battered head, they aren't competing with tinnitus. At least they aren't the ones telling him things he doesn't want to hear...his father, foundering under Alzheimer's disease's heavy burdens, doesn't remember him but does remember how to hate, his chances to fight again, more, are steadily melting away and there's nothing else he can do to make a living.
The life of someone always on the margins is, realistically, never going to turn into a happily ever after. Xavier never once thought it would. He chooses his own adventure, like he always has, right up to the last bitter dreg from the cup.
Author Vercher tells this deeply moving, unbearably honest story in direct, immediate prose. He selects the small images...a texting app's continuation icon of dots keeping him on tenterhooks about his future, the feeling of hanging his hand out the window while driving his dad's old car bringing back the times he did the same thing as a kid...that make Xavier real. That keep him, however fleetingly, locked in to the present moment. They work very well, are sharp but still small enough to make them fit right on everyone.
What isn't quite as smooth is the passages where Xavier is learning his mother and father, very late in life from my point of view, are fully human people. What Author Vercher does to make Xavier aware of his mother's full humanity was a scene both a little long as well as underdeveloped. It needed not to feel rushed as Xavier learns Evelyn was a very different person than the mother he had. The issues around dementia were handled very well, in my experienced opinion. When Xavier realizes that disinhibition is part of the course of dementia, it rocks his world. It did not need to be played out in the over-the-top manner that it was. Honestly, the choice to make Xavier's pathology so very foregrounded wore on my patience at times. Every reader has their own crotchets...these are mine.
Perfection not being of this Earth, I can honestly say that your Yule gift cards, spent on this deep and emotionally honest journey, will not be wasted. This second novel tells me that Author Vercher is a gift to the readers who want to get into a story and come out changed.
Bravo, good sir.
The Publisher Says: A harrowing and spellbinding story about family, the complications of mixed-race relationships, misplaced loyalties, and the price athletes pay to entertain—from the critically acclaimed author of Three-Fifths
Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace, a mixed-race MMA fighter on the wrong side of thirty, is facing the fight of his life. Xavier is losing his battle with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), or pugilistic dementia—a struggle he can no longer deny. Through the fog of memory loss, migraines, and paranoia, Xavier does his best to keep in shape while he waits for the call that will reinstate him after a year-long suspension.
Until then, he watches his diet and trains every day at the Philadelphia gym owned by his cousin-cum-manager, Shot, a retired champion boxer to whom Xavier owes an unpayable debt. Xavier makes ends meet by teaching youth classes at Shot’s gym and by living rent-free in the house of his white father, whom Xavier has been forced to commit to a nursing home because of the progress of his end-stage Alzheimer’s. Dementia has revealed a shocking truth about Sam Wallace, and Xavier finally gains insight into why his Black mother left the family when Xavier was young.
As Xavier battles his aging body and his failing brain, each day is filled with challenges and setbacks. Then Xavier is offered a chance at redemption: a last-minute comeback fight in the largest MMA promotion. If he can get himself back in the game, he’ll be able to clear his name and begin to pay off Shot. But with his memory in shreds and his life crumbling around him, can Xavier hold onto the focus he needs to survive? After the Lights Go Out is a haunting, unflinching look at the aftermath of a career in MMA—as Xavier forgets everything around him, you'll want to remember every single word.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: This is one rough ride of a book. There are people whose road through life is not paved, has many potholes, throws up gravel and clouds of caliche dust as their bald-tired forty-year-old chassis bounces and shakes over to one ditch, down into another. And that is who we're with here. Xavier is not, was never, expecting a limo ride, not even waiting for a cab ride...he's still rollin' but the roll is slow and it's not getting faster.
The bad marriage he came from was made worse by its permanent poison-gift to him. His mother was Black and father white, so he knows something a lot of people don't have to: Not belonging to either side in a war isn't being neutral. That's a gift only those with a clear side, one that can't be denied, are given. He's mixed. He's mixed up, he's mixed it up in fights his whole life. No one wanted him on their team so he used what strength and speed he could find to go one-on-one with other rage-filled testosterone-poisoned Others.
Now nearing forty, he's sure he's got no future. So is everyone else but they never thought he had a present. His efforts to get one more headline bout in Mixed Martial Arts are, as we meet him, wavering in and out of existence in front of eyes that don't connect to his brain right anymore. The voices he hears clearest are the ones in his battered head, they aren't competing with tinnitus. At least they aren't the ones telling him things he doesn't want to hear...his father, foundering under Alzheimer's disease's heavy burdens, doesn't remember him but does remember how to hate, his chances to fight again, more, are steadily melting away and there's nothing else he can do to make a living.
The life of someone always on the margins is, realistically, never going to turn into a happily ever after. Xavier never once thought it would. He chooses his own adventure, like he always has, right up to the last bitter dreg from the cup.
Author Vercher tells this deeply moving, unbearably honest story in direct, immediate prose. He selects the small images...a texting app's continuation icon of dots keeping him on tenterhooks about his future, the feeling of hanging his hand out the window while driving his dad's old car bringing back the times he did the same thing as a kid...that make Xavier real. That keep him, however fleetingly, locked in to the present moment. They work very well, are sharp but still small enough to make them fit right on everyone.
What isn't quite as smooth is the passages where Xavier is learning his mother and father, very late in life from my point of view, are fully human people. What Author Vercher does to make Xavier aware of his mother's full humanity was a scene both a little long as well as underdeveloped. It needed not to feel rushed as Xavier learns Evelyn was a very different person than the mother he had. The issues around dementia were handled very well, in my experienced opinion. When Xavier realizes that disinhibition is part of the course of dementia, it rocks his world. It did not need to be played out in the over-the-top manner that it was. Honestly, the choice to make Xavier's pathology so very foregrounded wore on my patience at times. Every reader has their own crotchets...these are mine.
Perfection not being of this Earth, I can honestly say that your Yule gift cards, spent on this deep and emotionally honest journey, will not be wasted. This second novel tells me that Author Vercher is a gift to the readers who want to get into a story and come out changed.
Bravo, good sir.
August 8, 2022
Wasn't prepared for the emotional rollercoaster but definitely in my top tens for the end of the year.
June 20, 2022
“We created all these rules that moved our violence to the ring, the mats, the cage, the field, the ice, and then we created rules, turned it into sport, turned our primal urges into a desire for the most yards, the most points, the most wins in the season, the belt, the trophy. The people cheer the loudest at a hockey game when the fights break out. People lose their damn minds when a race car flips end over end at two-hundred miles per hour. People tell themselves they shouldn’t get out of the car at the light after someone cut them off in traffic, to pull them out of their car by their hair and bash their head off the hood until their teeth scatter because it’s just so wrong. But they want to. Oooh, boy, they all want to visit some violence on that fool. That urge to destroy just claws at them from inside their chest.”
Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace is an MMA fighter, approaching 40 and suffering from chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). He has headaches, dizziness, memory loss and ringing in his ears. He even forgets where he lives, that he has adopted a dog, and that he has already bought groceries. He is frightened by the similarities between his symptoms and those of his father Sam who is in assisted living in the late stages of dementia. Xavier’s white father and black mother separated when Xavier was 13. Xavier always blamed his mother for leaving, but Sam’s dementia reveals the ugly truth of why Eveylyn had to leave. All of his life Xavier has had to deal with people (like his neighbor) who think he is too black and by some (like his childhood tormentors) who think he is not black enough. This book is about the world of a particularly violent sport, the difficulties of deteriorating health, racism, colorism and complicated family relationships. So much of this book is heart breaking.
There is probably no one on earth who is less interested in MMA than I am. I find the whole concept repellent, demeaning, inhumane, completely stupid and a lot of other negative adjectives. Also, books never make me cry. Nevertheless, I loved this book. At the end I literally screamed NO! and started to sob. The writing was perceptive, intelligent and beautiful. The author really dug into Xavier. Everything about this book felt so honest and raw. Just read it.
I received a free copy of this ebook from the publisher. I also listened to the audio book which was narrated perfectly by Sean Crisden.
Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace is an MMA fighter, approaching 40 and suffering from chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). He has headaches, dizziness, memory loss and ringing in his ears. He even forgets where he lives, that he has adopted a dog, and that he has already bought groceries. He is frightened by the similarities between his symptoms and those of his father Sam who is in assisted living in the late stages of dementia. Xavier’s white father and black mother separated when Xavier was 13. Xavier always blamed his mother for leaving, but Sam’s dementia reveals the ugly truth of why Eveylyn had to leave. All of his life Xavier has had to deal with people (like his neighbor) who think he is too black and by some (like his childhood tormentors) who think he is not black enough. This book is about the world of a particularly violent sport, the difficulties of deteriorating health, racism, colorism and complicated family relationships. So much of this book is heart breaking.
There is probably no one on earth who is less interested in MMA than I am. I find the whole concept repellent, demeaning, inhumane, completely stupid and a lot of other negative adjectives. Also, books never make me cry. Nevertheless, I loved this book. At the end I literally screamed NO! and started to sob. The writing was perceptive, intelligent and beautiful. The author really dug into Xavier. Everything about this book felt so honest and raw. Just read it.
I received a free copy of this ebook from the publisher. I also listened to the audio book which was narrated perfectly by Sean Crisden.
December 6, 2021
John Vercher started his writing career with one of the best debuts in recent memory (THREE-FIFTHS), which was as noir as crime fiction can get, but, more importantly, gave us one of the best examinations of race and racial belonging in literature. With his second novel, Vercher pivots away from crime fiction while doubling down on the noir. Brutal and dark and heart-breaking and resonant with an almost lyrical examination of family ... of commitment ... of the drive and will to live. AFTER THE LIGHTS GO OUT reads like a psychological thriller, but, in this case, the impending sense of dread is much more real than some masked killer. Vercher opens up the skulls of his characters and lets us peek between our fingers at the mazes of their minds. Beautifully written and brilliantly paced, this book is dark tragedy that lives up to its name, sticking around with you long after the lights go out.
May 11, 2024
Oh, wow. This one packed a punch. 💥🥊 I was gifted Vercher’s upcoming release by his publisher and added it to my TBR. I hadn’t heard his name before, so I decided to check out his backlist before diving in to Devil Is Fine. I stumbled across this book featuring an MMA fighter struggling with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) and I buckled in for the ride. My thoughts summed up in one word: DARK!!! It was also extremely emotional. Xavier is simultaneously dealt two losing cards: coming to terms with the fact his father is dying and receiving a scary medical diagnosis (or not, because he is too afraid to face his symptoms head on and actually go to the doctor…). Will these circumstances end his MMA career, or can he quit on his own terms some time in the future? Job well done, Vercher.
⚠️ Trigger warnings: death of a parent, suicide, terminal illness, medical content
⚠️ Trigger warnings: death of a parent, suicide, terminal illness, medical content
January 27, 2022
After The Lights Go Out doesn't pull any punches. Vercher employs the world of mixed-martial arts like a scalpel, peeling the violent sport back layer by layer, exposing painful truths about racism, family ties, and the current state of healthcare in America. This novel is a hard right hook to the head, a wake up call you won't forget.
Read
April 20, 2022This book was too painful and emotionally difficult for me to read. I couldn't finish it. What I can say out of praise is the author does a tremendous job of accurately describing the current healthcare system in America (as terrible as it is), brain injury, and living with pain (physical, emotional, psychological).
I had asked for this book because I am fascinated by fighters and boxing (though have trouble being an actual supporter knowing they are going to have brain damage after; I do not watch American football for the same reason. That barbaric sport literally kills people; it's another way privileged white people use black bodies imho) and I love a good comeback/underdog story. It is that, but not with the happy vibes I was hoping for, which I suppose only makes the book more real and authentic. As another reviewer said, it was a real right hook to the head and a "wake up call."
I also really struggled with the injury to the dog at the beginning, even if it was accidental.
Bottom line: Excellent writer, just not a story I can jive with emotionally right now. I applaud the author for writing this book. I did like the narrator and felt he brought the characters to live and did a superb job with different voices and accents.
Thank you netgalley for my ARC.
I had asked for this book because I am fascinated by fighters and boxing (though have trouble being an actual supporter knowing they are going to have brain damage after; I do not watch American football for the same reason. That barbaric sport literally kills people; it's another way privileged white people use black bodies imho) and I love a good comeback/underdog story. It is that, but not with the happy vibes I was hoping for, which I suppose only makes the book more real and authentic. As another reviewer said, it was a real right hook to the head and a "wake up call."
I also really struggled with the injury to the dog at the beginning, even if it was accidental.
Bottom line: Excellent writer, just not a story I can jive with emotionally right now. I applaud the author for writing this book. I did like the narrator and felt he brought the characters to live and did a superb job with different voices and accents.
Thank you netgalley for my ARC.
March 28, 2023
When I say this is dark I mean it is pitch black. Do not read this when you are depressed. This story of an MMA fighter with CTE desperate to stay in the game takes on what it means to create a life that is killing you but you cannot get out of, to have loyalties that are also killing you, to be a person of mixed race and to be a Black man (White people see you as Black, Black people see you as an oreo, you are a person without a tribe surrounded by people who deny you full status as a human being), to struggle with memory (Xavier and his CTE dealing with the end of life of a father with dementia) and the added dissonance of being forced to remember painful things due to the erosion of the ability to keep in place intentional edits to memory put in place to help you make sense of a senseless world. There is more too. I do not want to spoil this because you should read it. It is likely book of the year for me though there have been a couple contenders already, and it is only March.
Also, I listened to this and the reader, Sean Crisden, is fantastic.
Rather than writing more I am going to paste in my progress notes, because they about cover the reading experience --
This is brutal! In every possible way. It is also, so far at least, absolutely fantastic. Fresh , honest, exceedingly well written, and with just enough very very dark humor to get you through the truth. I am less than 1/4 in and it also foreshadows the end about 10 times but that is just fine -- I want to see how we get there even though my heart hurts."
March 25, 2023 –
38.0%
March 27, 2023 –
50.0% "Why can't Xavier find some good, see what is bad, allow himself to be loved or cared for? Anger unexpressed is so corrosive that it sucks the life out of a person. Anger expressed for a black man, especially a professional MMA fighter so a physically imposing black man, can be fatal. Is self-destruction the only option?"
March 28, 2023 –
85.0% "I keep thinking about Chekhov's gun. There was metaphorical loaded gun sitting on the table for a long time. That fact is leading me to two possible conclusions here and both are breaking my heart. If you are looking for a redemption arc in this book you will get one, for about a minute. I am pretty sure that moment is over and there is a cascade of tragedy coming my way."
Also, I listened to this and the reader, Sean Crisden, is fantastic.
Rather than writing more I am going to paste in my progress notes, because they about cover the reading experience --
This is brutal! In every possible way. It is also, so far at least, absolutely fantastic. Fresh , honest, exceedingly well written, and with just enough very very dark humor to get you through the truth. I am less than 1/4 in and it also foreshadows the end about 10 times but that is just fine -- I want to see how we get there even though my heart hurts."
March 25, 2023 –
38.0%
March 27, 2023 –
50.0% "Why can't Xavier find some good, see what is bad, allow himself to be loved or cared for? Anger unexpressed is so corrosive that it sucks the life out of a person. Anger expressed for a black man, especially a professional MMA fighter so a physically imposing black man, can be fatal. Is self-destruction the only option?"
March 28, 2023 –
85.0% "I keep thinking about Chekhov's gun. There was metaphorical loaded gun sitting on the table for a long time. That fact is leading me to two possible conclusions here and both are breaking my heart. If you are looking for a redemption arc in this book you will get one, for about a minute. I am pretty sure that moment is over and there is a cascade of tragedy coming my way."
December 16, 2021
I had the immense privilege of reading this in advance of pub, and have been itching to see it on the shelf ever since. Summer cannot come soon enough. John's got such a skill for crafting characters who are Real (painfully so), in circumstances that are Real (if unfamiliar to many of us), then pulling apart all the threads of their reasoning, emotions, pain, struggle, and joy in a way that makes you ache for them. Excuse the pun that I'm sure others are going to use or have already, but John doesn't pull any punches here. And we're all so much better off because of it.
October 5, 2023
this was Deeply devastating
July 31, 2022
A psychological gut punch that keeps you tense to the end. Loved the author's debut Three-Fifths. His second novel is a powerhouse that cements him as a literary go to for me, a creator of stories that are rich with character psychology and seemingly no-way-out situations that build with tension to the last page.
June 6, 2022
Oh my god was my brain the whole time I was in this story.
July 4, 2024
A fan of debut novels, I happened upon Three-Fifths many months ago and found Vercher's narrative, themes and engagement skill akin to the best in publishing. Raw, streetwise and evocative, there's little doubt he'll join the ranks of the best. A native of Philadelphia, husband and father of two sons, his creative blend of emotion, grit and reality are breathtaking. I couldn't help but think this story was personal since John is the product of a 'mixed marriage' and is streetwise in all respects.
Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace, aka X, is a mixed race MMA fighter (aka cage boxing) battling inner demons, neurological damage (CTE) and guilt. On the wrong side of 30, he suffers memory loss, migraines and paranoia due to the severity of the sport and recently moved into his Irish father's home since Sam's condition requires care giving. At Xavier's request, his educated black mother Evelyn keeps her distance in spite of her maternal love.
Sam's end-stage Alzheimer condition reveals latent racism, hatred and disorientation causing continual problems with nursing home staff since the majority are black. Worse yet, when Xavier visits, his angry racist sneers offer insights why his mother left them many years previous.
With the license suspension in place, Xavier teaches youth classes at his cousin Shot's gym, while doing his best to keep in shape. Shot is both manager and friend, as well as son of Evelyn's sister. Shot's hard hitting attitude gained form years in the ring, the siblings are constantly flinging derogatory 'n-word' comments, yet somehow their mutual love and respect remain. Shot is hooked in with 'gansta' types who will pay well for boxers to win or lose depending on the situation. Shot is up to his ears in debt to from bouts gone wrong and realizes X is his one and only solution.
The author uses intermittent first person POV entries to highlight Xavier's 'self talk' that highlight his dislike for hatred, violence and racism providing the classic 'contradiction in terms'. It's obvious Vercher shares these ideologies and for that, I am deeply grateful.
When the license suspension ends, Shot gets wind of a fight opportunity for 'cuz' and demands Scarecrow sign up since he'd destroyed Shot's #1 contender in a sparring match. Its here we witness Xavier's ferocity and reason he's called Scarecrow. When fighting in the cage he loses touch with pain, emotion and reality then does a 180 as he exits. The author balances his animal behavior with displays of love, affection and compassion when his mother returns to the picture. Its here we witness the skill, grace and emotion of theme driven prose.
An author requires talent, creativity and knowledge when doing the 'tightrope' act and John is a true master. Powerful from start to finish, this is an extraordinary work of fiction and one you'll want to add to your list. And to be clear, the story driven by themes of redemption, humanity and family rather than sports. So please keep this in mind when contemplating it.
Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace, aka X, is a mixed race MMA fighter (aka cage boxing) battling inner demons, neurological damage (CTE) and guilt. On the wrong side of 30, he suffers memory loss, migraines and paranoia due to the severity of the sport and recently moved into his Irish father's home since Sam's condition requires care giving. At Xavier's request, his educated black mother Evelyn keeps her distance in spite of her maternal love.
Sam's end-stage Alzheimer condition reveals latent racism, hatred and disorientation causing continual problems with nursing home staff since the majority are black. Worse yet, when Xavier visits, his angry racist sneers offer insights why his mother left them many years previous.
With the license suspension in place, Xavier teaches youth classes at his cousin Shot's gym, while doing his best to keep in shape. Shot is both manager and friend, as well as son of Evelyn's sister. Shot's hard hitting attitude gained form years in the ring, the siblings are constantly flinging derogatory 'n-word' comments, yet somehow their mutual love and respect remain. Shot is hooked in with 'gansta' types who will pay well for boxers to win or lose depending on the situation. Shot is up to his ears in debt to from bouts gone wrong and realizes X is his one and only solution.
The author uses intermittent first person POV entries to highlight Xavier's 'self talk' that highlight his dislike for hatred, violence and racism providing the classic 'contradiction in terms'. It's obvious Vercher shares these ideologies and for that, I am deeply grateful.
When the license suspension ends, Shot gets wind of a fight opportunity for 'cuz' and demands Scarecrow sign up since he'd destroyed Shot's #1 contender in a sparring match. Its here we witness Xavier's ferocity and reason he's called Scarecrow. When fighting in the cage he loses touch with pain, emotion and reality then does a 180 as he exits. The author balances his animal behavior with displays of love, affection and compassion when his mother returns to the picture. Its here we witness the skill, grace and emotion of theme driven prose.
An author requires talent, creativity and knowledge when doing the 'tightrope' act and John is a true master. Powerful from start to finish, this is an extraordinary work of fiction and one you'll want to add to your list. And to be clear, the story driven by themes of redemption, humanity and family rather than sports. So please keep this in mind when contemplating it.
December 7, 2024
John Vercher's After the Lights Go Out is a punch to the gut that hurts SO good.
About a mixed-race MMA fighter at the end of his career, doing his damnedest to ignore away the symptoms of CTE, this book had me in a choke hold from the opening chapter.
It's sad, so be prepared for that. But it's also very real and powerful.
This book deals with themes of racism, family, misplaced loyalty, the price we pay for our dreams, and what happens when we choose to follow those dreams instead of listening to the needs of our physical bodies.
I don't even like MMA or any kind of violent sport, and I certainly don't like the men that participate in or enjoy such things, so the fact that I liked this book at all is surprising.
But that's because Vercher's writing is captivating and compelling. The descriptions of the fight scenes were brief, but brutal and intense, and for the first time in my life, had me interested in a sport.
What captivated me more were the sections of this book that are in bold. Those parts signify the protagonist's uninhibited internal thoughts, which were not only fascinating, but also frightening and brutal.
I don't want to say too much, because I want more people to read this book. It's worth it, I promise.
The truth of the matter is that all of us, every last one, will eventually succumb to the effects of old age and mental decline. There is no plastic surgery or magic pill to stop that. We can try to make ourselves feel better by lying to ourselves or hyper-focusing on special interests or punching things, but that won't stop the inevitable.
After the Lights Go Out so kindly reminds us that our fates are all sealed and that it's more a matter of how we get to that end and who we trust enough to bring along for the ride.
My one complaint here is that this book discusses disability but never uses the word disability. Not only is the protagonist struggling with symptoms of CTE and tinnitus, but his father has dementia. And I always think it's a shame when disability isn't acknowledged.
But anyway.
I loved this book. 5 out of 5 stars.
About a mixed-race MMA fighter at the end of his career, doing his damnedest to ignore away the symptoms of CTE, this book had me in a choke hold from the opening chapter.
It's sad, so be prepared for that. But it's also very real and powerful.
This book deals with themes of racism, family, misplaced loyalty, the price we pay for our dreams, and what happens when we choose to follow those dreams instead of listening to the needs of our physical bodies.
I don't even like MMA or any kind of violent sport, and I certainly don't like the men that participate in or enjoy such things, so the fact that I liked this book at all is surprising.
But that's because Vercher's writing is captivating and compelling. The descriptions of the fight scenes were brief, but brutal and intense, and for the first time in my life, had me interested in a sport.
What captivated me more were the sections of this book that are in bold. Those parts signify the protagonist's uninhibited internal thoughts, which were not only fascinating, but also frightening and brutal.
I don't want to say too much, because I want more people to read this book. It's worth it, I promise.
The truth of the matter is that all of us, every last one, will eventually succumb to the effects of old age and mental decline. There is no plastic surgery or magic pill to stop that. We can try to make ourselves feel better by lying to ourselves or hyper-focusing on special interests or punching things, but that won't stop the inevitable.
After the Lights Go Out so kindly reminds us that our fates are all sealed and that it's more a matter of how we get to that end and who we trust enough to bring along for the ride.
My one complaint here is that this book discusses disability but never uses the word disability. Not only is the protagonist struggling with symptoms of CTE and tinnitus, but his father has dementia. And I always think it's a shame when disability isn't acknowledged.
But anyway.
I loved this book. 5 out of 5 stars.
August 9, 2023
Wow! I do not normally choose books like this. The protagonist is an aging MMA fighter. Simon & Garfunkel’s song “The Boxer” kept playing through my head as I read Xavier Wallace’s thoughts and actions. He suffers from CTE— chronic traumatic encephalopathy— and we get a sense of what he’s up against right away, in the opening scenes: “Last year, he left his groceries in the trunk for two days. . .” He had taken a call offering a fight, had a disrupted night’s sleep because of it, had fallen into deep sleep way into the daytime, missing his workouts at his cousin’s (and trainer) gym, then went for a run and waited until morning to go to the store— he thought. “He recalled wanting to go for groceries. He remembered knowing that he needed to. Yet he didn’t remember having gone.” And this gets worse, not better, with bouts of uncontrolled violence that end what is left of his career.
But the author skillfully made me care for him. Xavier is a mixed race man, whose white father and black mother divorced when he was fourteen. There is unresolved hurt and anger, and now he is having to confront it as his dad has dementia. I kept hoping there was time for him to resolve these issues, but Xavier’s choices, and those of his cousin, have left him without time, without options.
But the author skillfully made me care for him. Xavier is a mixed race man, whose white father and black mother divorced when he was fourteen. There is unresolved hurt and anger, and now he is having to confront it as his dad has dementia. I kept hoping there was time for him to resolve these issues, but Xavier’s choices, and those of his cousin, have left him without time, without options.
July 1, 2022
3.5 rounded up...
This book started really sad and ended a million times sadder..After the Lights Go Out is about a boxer who is fighting opponents as well as mental illness (most likely CTE -Chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a progressive and fatal brain disease associated with repeated traumatic brain injuries (TBIs), including concussions and repeated blows to the head.) MC Xavier works to restart his boxing career while also caring for his father who has dementia, and along the way encounters family trauma, racism, and many, many other depressing things.
The story felt like a slice of life, but one where the days blend into one another and there are blackouts of plot, just like how the author experiences confusion and memory loss. This book deals with very heavy themes of mental illness and it felt like a realistic portrayal of someone who fights to keep their sanity while slowly growing worse. I'm not sure if I would recommend because of the darker content, but it was a solid story and I'm glad something like this has been written.
This book started really sad and ended a million times sadder..After the Lights Go Out is about a boxer who is fighting opponents as well as mental illness (most likely CTE -Chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a progressive and fatal brain disease associated with repeated traumatic brain injuries (TBIs), including concussions and repeated blows to the head.) MC Xavier works to restart his boxing career while also caring for his father who has dementia, and along the way encounters family trauma, racism, and many, many other depressing things.
The story felt like a slice of life, but one where the days blend into one another and there are blackouts of plot, just like how the author experiences confusion and memory loss. This book deals with very heavy themes of mental illness and it felt like a realistic portrayal of someone who fights to keep their sanity while slowly growing worse. I'm not sure if I would recommend because of the darker content, but it was a solid story and I'm glad something like this has been written.
August 30, 2022
After the lights go out I first found it difficult to get into the first few pages and was abit unsure because i thought it was all about fighting but I was so wrong and glad I read this book. I felt so sorry for Xavier and this book got to me emotionally. Poor Xavier on rollcoster of unhappiness, emotional, pain and sorrow. I really liked John Vercher writing , after the lights go out is beautiful written and you can really feel the pain and is at really good pace you can keep up with. You can really connect with the characters and Xavier was really easy to like and I just wanted give him hug and wished for him to be happy. I never expected the ending to end like that I felt very emotional. Xavier has one last chance to come back as a fighter but he also struggling with his brain which he slowly is getting dementia but it’s now affecting his life, his dad has Alzheimer’s but he is now to turn nasty and not being nice to Xavier. This book is brilliant and will definitely reading more of John Vercher books in the future. 5 Stars. Thank you Kate Wilkinson for letting me read this book. I definitely recommend this book it’s out on the 1st September it was really nice to read something different to what I normally read.
August 29, 2022
damn, there was so much potential here. the first 100 pages were mesmerizing, and key turns in the middle and upon the final chapter gave so much emotion to the plot, which sadly got lost and muddled in the middle. stunning portrayal of mental deterioration, and interesting look into the hyper-masculine world of the main character, but ultimately fell flat in the writing after the midpoint. Vercher definitely has the ideas and the talent, but this book could’ve used one more revision.
December 4, 2021
John Vercher’s follow-up to his amazing debut, THREE FIFTHS, is a scorcher of a novel, destined for ALL the best-of lists. An evocative, searing examination of memory and loss, of duty and family, AFTER THE LIGHTS GO OUT will undoubtedly be one of the best books of 2022 or any other year!
December 17, 2021
Vercher strikes again! Above all, this is a damn good story, but you're certain to walk away with some new perspectives on race, violence, and so many other things that define our society today. A must read.
August 30, 2022
After the lights go out I first found it difficult to get into the first few pages and was abit unsure because i thought it was all about fighting but I was so wrong and glad I read this book. I felt so sorry for Xavier and this book got to me emotionally. Poor Xavier on rollcoster of unhappiness, emotional, pain and sorrow. I really liked John Vercher writing , after the lights go out is beautiful written and you can really feel the pain and is at really good pace you can keep up with. You can really connect with the characters and Xavier was really easy to like and I just wanted give him hug and wished for him to be happy. I never expected the ending to end like that I felt very emotional. Xavier has one last chance to come back as a fighter but he also struggling with his brain which he slowly is getting dementia but it’s now affecting his life, his dad has Alzheimer’s but he is now to turn nasty and not being nice to Xavier. This book is brilliant and will definitely reading more of John Vercher books in the future. 5 Stars. Thank you Kate Wilkinson for letting me read this book.
September 25, 2023
WOW. This book was so unexpected and so so good. Going to shove this book down the throat of everyone I know!
October 2, 2023
God this was amazing. The writing was beautiful and sharp. The characters practically came off the page. It was visceral and devastating.
August 31, 2023
Brutal, but so so good
December 11, 2022
I started writing his review a while ago, but much like a brand new Jiu Jitsu gi, I wanted to break it in for a bit before posting.
I often like to read about places I live and what interests me. Upon hearing a Philadelphia author who trains Jiu Jitsu interviewed on NPR, I had to get this book ASAP.
Sure there's an overabundance of fight stories about Philadelphia, but the interview sounded compelling, and I wanted a current take on things. I appreciated the familiarity with training martial arts, taking my dog to the Wissahickon, crazy drives on Lincoln, and we've all had a neighbor like Ray. Yet that's where the familiarity stopped as the author snapped me out of my comfort zone.
One common thing I often read about in combat sports is that while there's a fight right in front of everyone's eyes, nobody ever knows the inner battles a fighter is going through. Luckily I've never had head injuries like the ones suffered by the protagonist. Also, I didn't grow up with the same racial experiences as Xavier, so my dealings with characters like Ray and Lawrence would've been quite different.
Reading the book was much like a fight in that there were certain things I thought would go a certain way. Then out of nowhere, a few one-two punch combos knocked that right out of me, which made for quite the literary beat-down that I can't say I've experienced before in a book.
So to bring it back to the Jiu Jitsu gi type review; I highly recommend one tries this one on and rolls with it.
I often like to read about places I live and what interests me. Upon hearing a Philadelphia author who trains Jiu Jitsu interviewed on NPR, I had to get this book ASAP.
Sure there's an overabundance of fight stories about Philadelphia, but the interview sounded compelling, and I wanted a current take on things. I appreciated the familiarity with training martial arts, taking my dog to the Wissahickon, crazy drives on Lincoln, and we've all had a neighbor like Ray. Yet that's where the familiarity stopped as the author snapped me out of my comfort zone.
One common thing I often read about in combat sports is that while there's a fight right in front of everyone's eyes, nobody ever knows the inner battles a fighter is going through. Luckily I've never had head injuries like the ones suffered by the protagonist. Also, I didn't grow up with the same racial experiences as Xavier, so my dealings with characters like Ray and Lawrence would've been quite different.
Reading the book was much like a fight in that there were certain things I thought would go a certain way. Then out of nowhere, a few one-two punch combos knocked that right out of me, which made for quite the literary beat-down that I can't say I've experienced before in a book.
So to bring it back to the Jiu Jitsu gi type review; I highly recommend one tries this one on and rolls with it.
February 26, 2023
Found out about this book from Terry Gross’s interview with the author and it turned out to be such a pleasant surprise. (How lovely for one of the last books I read this year to be one of the best. It’s been a disappointing year of reads for me.) Anyway, AFTER THE LIGHTS GO OUT is heartbreaking and touching, and although I’m still processing the ending, there is no doubt it hits heavy.
The characters were the best part, and Vercher weaves their histories masterfully, never lingering on the past too much but also never undermining its impact on who the characters are today.
One has to wonder, though, how much of the story was based in the author’s real life — he is also the product of an interracial marriage between a white man and a black woman, and according to YouTube, has boxed. The story, and Xavier’s mother’s role, takes on a different hue when you account for this. I can’t lie — I am now curious about the author’s relationship with his mother. Did he, too, feel abandoned by his mother? Was this book written as a way for him to process his parents’ relationship? If so, then the way Xavier’s mother was written is all the more curious — she is a victim wronged by the narrative, wronged by her son’s memory, and ultimately emerges as his angelic savior (but only to an extent).
The characters were the best part, and Vercher weaves their histories masterfully, never lingering on the past too much but also never undermining its impact on who the characters are today.
One has to wonder, though, how much of the story was based in the author’s real life — he is also the product of an interracial marriage between a white man and a black woman, and according to YouTube, has boxed. The story, and Xavier’s mother’s role, takes on a different hue when you account for this. I can’t lie — I am now curious about the author’s relationship with his mother. Did he, too, feel abandoned by his mother? Was this book written as a way for him to process his parents’ relationship? If so, then the way Xavier’s mother was written is all the more curious — she is a victim wronged by the narrative, wronged by her son’s memory, and ultimately emerges as his angelic savior (but only to an extent).
February 24, 2023
WOW. This book is going to be the one to beat this year. Absolutely incredible and captivating from start to finish and I often found myself struggling to put it down.
John Vercher writes with such a beautiful and distinct voice and creates characters that are complex and not just two dimensional beings. His prose is real and visceral, making it feel like you’ve just been dropped into the real life of these characters and you get to witness it play out. These scenes felt so real to me while reading them and I could have followed Xavier’s character for the rest of my life.
The ending, though swift, was devastating, despite the feeling like it was building quite intensely over the course of this book.
From top to bottom this book was perfect, in my opinion. The pacing, the world building, the connection between characters, the character development, the writing style, the dialogue. It was all perfect. I cannot wait to read more from this author.
John Vercher writes with such a beautiful and distinct voice and creates characters that are complex and not just two dimensional beings. His prose is real and visceral, making it feel like you’ve just been dropped into the real life of these characters and you get to witness it play out. These scenes felt so real to me while reading them and I could have followed Xavier’s character for the rest of my life.
The ending, though swift, was devastating, despite the feeling like it was building quite intensely over the course of this book.
From top to bottom this book was perfect, in my opinion. The pacing, the world building, the connection between characters, the character development, the writing style, the dialogue. It was all perfect. I cannot wait to read more from this author.
April 1, 2023
This was a raw, powerful, and deeply upsetting story. I am not okay.
As much as I wish it had ended differently, I know it ended in the most honest way that it could. It’s worth the pain because it allows us to clearly see a number of issues that are rarely (if ever) addressed in fiction.
If you don’t mind having your heart shredded through a well written, tense, and important story, please add this to your list. It is criminally underrated and that needs to change!
I am immensely grateful to Soho Press for my copy. All opinions are my own.
As much as I wish it had ended differently, I know it ended in the most honest way that it could. It’s worth the pain because it allows us to clearly see a number of issues that are rarely (if ever) addressed in fiction.
If you don’t mind having your heart shredded through a well written, tense, and important story, please add this to your list. It is criminally underrated and that needs to change!
I am immensely grateful to Soho Press for my copy. All opinions are my own.
May 9, 2022
At the end of the phenomenal brutally honest After The Lights Go Out by profound author John Vercher I sat in silence with tears on my face. Listening to the journey of MMA fighter Xavier "Scarecrow" Wallace nearly broke me but as a reviewer of literature it left me in awe.
Getting older, being alone and forced into a year suspension Xavier is lost. He refuses to acknowledge the persistent symptoms of his Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) also known as puglistic dementia. He loses time, his memory, and suffers black out rages that have disastrous repercussions.
He has the anxiety of putting his emphysema suffering father in a nursing home. Having lived through this guilt ridden life moment myself my heart went out to him. The writer got all the emotions especially the fear, the self hate and self doubt 100% right.
I listen to audiobooks everyday. But nothing prepared me for the realistic rawness from narrator Sean Crisden when Xavier faces the gut wrenching harshness of his white father calling him the "N" word or his black mother leaving when his father's passive aggressive racism is just too much emotional abuse. Give all the audio awards to Sean Crisden.
The fight scenes are precise and bloody. The family dynamic is often too honest in its dysfunction. Even Xavier's manager cousin "Shot" can't decide if he's Xavier's advocate or his tormentor. Xavier gets a chance to fight for maybe the last time, to be in the limelight again, to hear the crowd roar and to matter once more. This author made me feel, made me root for Xavier, he even played with my heart by adding a misunderstood pitbull. What he did best was not lie to me about what often happens after the lights go out.
Pre Order After The Lights before 6/7/22!
I received a free copy of this audiobook from the publishers via #netgalley for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.
Getting older, being alone and forced into a year suspension Xavier is lost. He refuses to acknowledge the persistent symptoms of his Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) also known as puglistic dementia. He loses time, his memory, and suffers black out rages that have disastrous repercussions.
He has the anxiety of putting his emphysema suffering father in a nursing home. Having lived through this guilt ridden life moment myself my heart went out to him. The writer got all the emotions especially the fear, the self hate and self doubt 100% right.
I listen to audiobooks everyday. But nothing prepared me for the realistic rawness from narrator Sean Crisden when Xavier faces the gut wrenching harshness of his white father calling him the "N" word or his black mother leaving when his father's passive aggressive racism is just too much emotional abuse. Give all the audio awards to Sean Crisden.
The fight scenes are precise and bloody. The family dynamic is often too honest in its dysfunction. Even Xavier's manager cousin "Shot" can't decide if he's Xavier's advocate or his tormentor. Xavier gets a chance to fight for maybe the last time, to be in the limelight again, to hear the crowd roar and to matter once more. This author made me feel, made me root for Xavier, he even played with my heart by adding a misunderstood pitbull. What he did best was not lie to me about what often happens after the lights go out.
Pre Order After The Lights before 6/7/22!
I received a free copy of this audiobook from the publishers via #netgalley for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 176 reviews