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Fara Suparare: Puterea secreta a emotiilor la locul de munca
The modern workplace can be an emotional minefield, filled with confusing power structures and unwritten rules. We're expected to be authentic but not too authentic. Professional but not stiff. Friendly but not an oversharer.
As organizational consultants and regular people, we know what it's like to experience uncomfortable emotions at work - everything from mild jealousy and insecurity to panic and rage. Ignoring or suppressing what you feel hurts your health and productivity but so does letting your emotions run wild.
In this book we'll help you figure out which emotions to toss, which to keep to yourself, and which to express in order to be both happier and more effective. We'll share the latest research and helpful tips, and reveal the surprising reason why you'll actually be more healthier and focused if you're less passionate about your job.
Drawing on what we've learned from behavioural economics, psychology and our own experiences at countless organizations, we'll show you how to bring your best self (and your whole self) to work every day.
As organizational consultants and regular people, we know what it's like to experience uncomfortable emotions at work - everything from mild jealousy and insecurity to panic and rage. Ignoring or suppressing what you feel hurts your health and productivity but so does letting your emotions run wild.
In this book we'll help you figure out which emotions to toss, which to keep to yourself, and which to express in order to be both happier and more effective. We'll share the latest research and helpful tips, and reveal the surprising reason why you'll actually be more healthier and focused if you're less passionate about your job.
Drawing on what we've learned from behavioural economics, psychology and our own experiences at countless organizations, we'll show you how to bring your best self (and your whole self) to work every day.
318 pages, Paperback
First published February 5, 2019
1496 people are currently reading
15009 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 623 reviews
March 18, 2019
Not a review - just some notes I would like to keep handy.
"...emotional dynamics affect our motivation, health, communication, decision making, and more. yet most of us ignore these emotions. Why is it that when we think of professionalism, we immediately jump to the idea that we should suppress everything we feel?" [p.4]
Emotional fluency
"the capacity to productively sense emotion and to know how and when to translate what you feel into healthy action." [p.10]
"no one tells us what to do if we're upset with a coworker or how to bounce back from a botched meeting with our boss." [p.10]
1) Be less passionate about your job (go home)
2) Inspire yourself
3) Emotion is part of the equation
4) Psychological safety first - be kind
5) Your feelings aren't faults
6) Emotional culture cascades from you
7) Be selectively vulnerable
[p.12]
"Caring too much about a job is unhelpful and unhealthy." [p.19]
Make time for people you love, exercise, and a guilt free vacation [p.20]
How managers talk about vacation matters [p.24]
It's nice to be important, but the work will carry on without you. [p. 31]
Don't vent endlessly - talk about the problem some, and potential solutions more [p.38-39]
Clarity of focus
What's your job? Are you working on the right things? Knowing this helps you know when you're accomplishing enough, that it is ok to go home, take vacation. [p.40]
List the items on your plate, ranked by priority
Show your boss and ask for confirmation of goals/priorities
Ask: When do you need this by?
"If you feel unmotivated by your job, it's time for some tough love: you've probably given up on learning." [p.61]
Psychological safety on teams - [p. 108-113]
Do people feel safe contributing?
Encourage open discussion
ask team members to write out thoughts and then share
ask follow up questions
can you say more about that?
"Bad" ideas brainstorm
to make people looser, less afraid to speak
ask clarifying questions
use generative (?) language - building on that idea . . .
For projects
create team agreement
leader/supervisor should ask how you can help
communicate and list
task conflict vs relationship conflict
"But to be a good surgeon, you have to be respectful and a good leader, because that behavior has an effect on patient outcomes." [p. 129]
"Personal issues negate technical competencies."
COINS
Context: I know you want to move into a more senior position, and i want that for you
Observation: You've been late to several key meetings
Impact: This makes your colleagues feel that you don't have respect for their time
Next: Can you commit to being on time in the future?
Stay: Does this make sense to you?
(feedback)
[p.160]
Emotional Contagion [p.176]
We catch one another's feelings
". . . when I speak in a less impatient, more cheerful way, everyone else remains cheerful, which is better for productivity." [p.177]
If you w=have a coworker who continually complains, de-fuse (and diffuse) the situation by genuinely asking
What would you have done differently?
What can we do about it going forward?
[p.185]
micro-actions
opposite of micro-aggressions
positive actions you take to build meaningful belonging
[p.188]
"Research by Stanford's James Gross shows that when someone is upset but keeps their feelings bottled up, our own blood pressure goes up when we're around them - even if we don't consciously realize they're angry." [p.209]
Own your decisions and be clear about expectations
Ask: What would be helpful to you right now?
Understand each person's strength and weaknesses and treat them individually [p.211]
When the shit hits the fan, you protect your team from the emotional fallout [p.213]
As a manager, my job is to make sure you do your job well. [216]
"...emotional dynamics affect our motivation, health, communication, decision making, and more. yet most of us ignore these emotions. Why is it that when we think of professionalism, we immediately jump to the idea that we should suppress everything we feel?" [p.4]
Emotional fluency
"the capacity to productively sense emotion and to know how and when to translate what you feel into healthy action." [p.10]
"no one tells us what to do if we're upset with a coworker or how to bounce back from a botched meeting with our boss." [p.10]
1) Be less passionate about your job (go home)
2) Inspire yourself
3) Emotion is part of the equation
4) Psychological safety first - be kind
5) Your feelings aren't faults
6) Emotional culture cascades from you
7) Be selectively vulnerable
[p.12]
"Caring too much about a job is unhelpful and unhealthy." [p.19]
Make time for people you love, exercise, and a guilt free vacation [p.20]
How managers talk about vacation matters [p.24]
It's nice to be important, but the work will carry on without you. [p. 31]
Don't vent endlessly - talk about the problem some, and potential solutions more [p.38-39]
Clarity of focus
What's your job? Are you working on the right things? Knowing this helps you know when you're accomplishing enough, that it is ok to go home, take vacation. [p.40]
List the items on your plate, ranked by priority
Show your boss and ask for confirmation of goals/priorities
Ask: When do you need this by?
"If you feel unmotivated by your job, it's time for some tough love: you've probably given up on learning." [p.61]
Psychological safety on teams - [p. 108-113]
Do people feel safe contributing?
Encourage open discussion
ask team members to write out thoughts and then share
ask follow up questions
can you say more about that?
"Bad" ideas brainstorm
to make people looser, less afraid to speak
ask clarifying questions
use generative (?) language - building on that idea . . .
For projects
create team agreement
leader/supervisor should ask how you can help
communicate and list
task conflict vs relationship conflict
"But to be a good surgeon, you have to be respectful and a good leader, because that behavior has an effect on patient outcomes." [p. 129]
"Personal issues negate technical competencies."
COINS
Context: I know you want to move into a more senior position, and i want that for you
Observation: You've been late to several key meetings
Impact: This makes your colleagues feel that you don't have respect for their time
Next: Can you commit to being on time in the future?
Stay: Does this make sense to you?
(feedback)
[p.160]
Emotional Contagion [p.176]
We catch one another's feelings
". . . when I speak in a less impatient, more cheerful way, everyone else remains cheerful, which is better for productivity." [p.177]
If you w=have a coworker who continually complains, de-fuse (and diffuse) the situation by genuinely asking
What would you have done differently?
What can we do about it going forward?
[p.185]
micro-actions
opposite of micro-aggressions
positive actions you take to build meaningful belonging
[p.188]
"Research by Stanford's James Gross shows that when someone is upset but keeps their feelings bottled up, our own blood pressure goes up when we're around them - even if we don't consciously realize they're angry." [p.209]
Own your decisions and be clear about expectations
Ask: What would be helpful to you right now?
Understand each person's strength and weaknesses and treat them individually [p.211]
When the shit hits the fan, you protect your team from the emotional fallout [p.213]
As a manager, my job is to make sure you do your job well. [216]
April 13, 2019
Terrific topic and well-researched, but too much ground to cover in a book this length. It's basically a literature review of the entire field of emotions at work. I'd have gotten more value out of greater depth in a few key sub-topics.
Excerpts I'm stashing for later:
Don’t extend the logic of the workplace into your time off Many people are overly enthusiastic about optimizing free time. Stop falling into the type-A trap of compulsively making your hobbies more work than work. If you love to play piano, don’t force yourself to practice for thirty minutes at precisely 8:00 P.M. every weeknight and then beat yourself up when you miss a day. Studies show when we mathematize our experiences—by tracking our steps or measuring miles hiked—we don’t enjoy them as much.
* * *
We usually describe ourselves as “happy” when we get more than we already had or when we find out we are a little better off than those around us. Neither of these are permanent states. Contentedness, on the other hand, can be more emotionally stable. The most content people craft their ups and downs into redemption stories: something bad happened, but something good resulted.
* * *
The pressure to be perky is so great that the National Labor Review Board ruled employers cannot force employees to always be cheerful (we’re guessing a lot of employees sulked in satisfaction after the ruling).
* * *
A better version of the familiar adage “Grin and bear it” may be: “Sometimes you have to bear it, but you shouldn’t force yourself to grin.” When we try to suppress our sadness, disappointment, or anger, we are more likely to feel those same emotions. A survey that asked people to rate how strongly they agreed with statements such as “I tell myself I shouldn’t be feeling the way that I’m feeling” revealed that those who felt bad about feeling bad had lower well-being than their more self-accepting peers.
* * *
You will feel a lot better about leaving at a reasonable hour or taking vacation if you know you’re doing a good job (in fact, high performers take almost twice as much vacation as their colleagues). And the first step to feeling confident is to figure out your boss’s priorities. “Working on the right thing is probably more important than working hard,” notes Flickr cofounder Caterina Fake. How can you ask for guidance without looking incompetent? If you’re not sure whether the launch email or report draft is more pressing, don’t tell your boss you’re confused. Instead, create a list of the big items on your plate and rank them in order of importance. Then take this list to your manager and ask her to confirm your prioritization. You can say something like, “Here’s what I’m working on this week. Is there anything you would like me to prioritize differently?”
* * *
LIZ: My favorite “magic moment” story comes from Maurice Sendak, who wrote and illustrated Where the Wild Things Are. One day, Sendak received a letter with a charming little drawing on it from a boy named Jim. In return, Sendak drew a Wild Thing on a card and sent it to the boy. A few weeks later, he received a letter from Jim’s mother that said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.” “That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received,” Sendak recalled. “He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”
* * *
When faced with the choice of doing nothing or receiving painful electric shocks, the average person shocked themselves five times.
* * *
Sometimes being close with our colleagues can leave us emotionally exhausted. Managing relationships we care about while giving critical feedback or rushing to meet deadlines takes effort. Talk to anyone who has worked at a startup where coworkers describe themselves as a family, and you’ll inevitably hear how tiring it can be.
* * *
Though we tend to be drawn to the status quo, research shows change might make us happier. In an experiment, Freakonomics author Steven Levitt invited people who were on the fence about a major life decision (like quitting a job or ending a relationship) to let a coin toss determine their fate. Heads meant make a change. Tails meant stick with the status quo. Six months after the coin toss, people who got heads—who made a change—were happier. “People may be excessively cautious when facing life-changing choices,” writes Levitt.
* * *
MOLLIE: This might be the most lucrative advice we will give you: If you’re asking for more money (either for your starting salary in a new job or for a raise at your existing job), try this magic line: “I don’t want my salary to be a distraction to me while I’m in this role.” I have used this sentence to successfully raise my starting salary at several jobs. By saying you don’t want your salary to be a distraction (i.e., distractingly low), you are stating a fact that both you and the other person believe to be true. You are having empathy for both yourself and the other party. They also don’t want you to be distracted.
* * *
Former Campbell Soup CEO Doug Conant would give people he worked with a “DRC (Doug R. Conant) orientation”: he would explain that he was an introvert and how that affected his work style. This helped him “quickly get beyond all the little superficial dances people do when they first start working with each other.”
Excerpts I'm stashing for later:
Don’t extend the logic of the workplace into your time off Many people are overly enthusiastic about optimizing free time. Stop falling into the type-A trap of compulsively making your hobbies more work than work. If you love to play piano, don’t force yourself to practice for thirty minutes at precisely 8:00 P.M. every weeknight and then beat yourself up when you miss a day. Studies show when we mathematize our experiences—by tracking our steps or measuring miles hiked—we don’t enjoy them as much.
* * *
We usually describe ourselves as “happy” when we get more than we already had or when we find out we are a little better off than those around us. Neither of these are permanent states. Contentedness, on the other hand, can be more emotionally stable. The most content people craft their ups and downs into redemption stories: something bad happened, but something good resulted.
* * *
The pressure to be perky is so great that the National Labor Review Board ruled employers cannot force employees to always be cheerful (we’re guessing a lot of employees sulked in satisfaction after the ruling).
* * *
A better version of the familiar adage “Grin and bear it” may be: “Sometimes you have to bear it, but you shouldn’t force yourself to grin.” When we try to suppress our sadness, disappointment, or anger, we are more likely to feel those same emotions. A survey that asked people to rate how strongly they agreed with statements such as “I tell myself I shouldn’t be feeling the way that I’m feeling” revealed that those who felt bad about feeling bad had lower well-being than their more self-accepting peers.
* * *
You will feel a lot better about leaving at a reasonable hour or taking vacation if you know you’re doing a good job (in fact, high performers take almost twice as much vacation as their colleagues). And the first step to feeling confident is to figure out your boss’s priorities. “Working on the right thing is probably more important than working hard,” notes Flickr cofounder Caterina Fake. How can you ask for guidance without looking incompetent? If you’re not sure whether the launch email or report draft is more pressing, don’t tell your boss you’re confused. Instead, create a list of the big items on your plate and rank them in order of importance. Then take this list to your manager and ask her to confirm your prioritization. You can say something like, “Here’s what I’m working on this week. Is there anything you would like me to prioritize differently?”
* * *
LIZ: My favorite “magic moment” story comes from Maurice Sendak, who wrote and illustrated Where the Wild Things Are. One day, Sendak received a letter with a charming little drawing on it from a boy named Jim. In return, Sendak drew a Wild Thing on a card and sent it to the boy. A few weeks later, he received a letter from Jim’s mother that said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.” “That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received,” Sendak recalled. “He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”
* * *
When faced with the choice of doing nothing or receiving painful electric shocks, the average person shocked themselves five times.
* * *
Sometimes being close with our colleagues can leave us emotionally exhausted. Managing relationships we care about while giving critical feedback or rushing to meet deadlines takes effort. Talk to anyone who has worked at a startup where coworkers describe themselves as a family, and you’ll inevitably hear how tiring it can be.
* * *
Though we tend to be drawn to the status quo, research shows change might make us happier. In an experiment, Freakonomics author Steven Levitt invited people who were on the fence about a major life decision (like quitting a job or ending a relationship) to let a coin toss determine their fate. Heads meant make a change. Tails meant stick with the status quo. Six months after the coin toss, people who got heads—who made a change—were happier. “People may be excessively cautious when facing life-changing choices,” writes Levitt.
* * *
MOLLIE: This might be the most lucrative advice we will give you: If you’re asking for more money (either for your starting salary in a new job or for a raise at your existing job), try this magic line: “I don’t want my salary to be a distraction to me while I’m in this role.” I have used this sentence to successfully raise my starting salary at several jobs. By saying you don’t want your salary to be a distraction (i.e., distractingly low), you are stating a fact that both you and the other person believe to be true. You are having empathy for both yourself and the other party. They also don’t want you to be distracted.
* * *
Former Campbell Soup CEO Doug Conant would give people he worked with a “DRC (Doug R. Conant) orientation”: he would explain that he was an introvert and how that affected his work style. This helped him “quickly get beyond all the little superficial dances people do when they first start working with each other.”
January 28, 2024
This is a great resource. I can imagine picking this book back up again, and again, over time. The takeaways that are the most relevant to my current situation as a manager of a department of a wonderful group of individuals with unique personalities:
From page 202:
1. Be kind; emotions are contagious, which means your actions can have a positive influence on your entire organization's emotional culture.
2. Create a culture of belonging through micro actions: say "hello," invite people into conversations, or help a new hire meet others.
3. Share stories about who you are, not what you do, and invite others to do the same.
4. Don't ignore the emotional burdens your colleagues may carry.
Updated on 1/28/24 - I discovered the following passage which I had written into one of my notebooks and I think it's worth placing it here to refer back to:
"Real achievement at work requires going one step beyond emotional intelligence: you need to learn to be reasonably emotional. This means matching how you communicate your feelings to the specific situation."
"To do that, you need emotional fluency - the capacity to productively sense emotion, and know how and when to translate what you feel into healthy action."
From page 202:
1. Be kind; emotions are contagious, which means your actions can have a positive influence on your entire organization's emotional culture.
2. Create a culture of belonging through micro actions: say "hello," invite people into conversations, or help a new hire meet others.
3. Share stories about who you are, not what you do, and invite others to do the same.
4. Don't ignore the emotional burdens your colleagues may carry.
Updated on 1/28/24 - I discovered the following passage which I had written into one of my notebooks and I think it's worth placing it here to refer back to:
"Real achievement at work requires going one step beyond emotional intelligence: you need to learn to be reasonably emotional. This means matching how you communicate your feelings to the specific situation."
"To do that, you need emotional fluency - the capacity to productively sense emotion, and know how and when to translate what you feel into healthy action."
July 29, 2021
What I was really hoping from this book was guidance for someone like me: a person who’s very emotionally expressive at work (I find this often goes hand-in-hand with being young and female) and who can struggle with a work culture that’s more repressive/traditional.
I thought Chapter 2: Health and the appendix “Further Resources on Emotions” were great as they came closest to addressing these points. However I was frustrated that a lot of the rest of the book felt more oriented towards managers/leaders/CEOs (“Here’s how you can build psychological safety for others!” “Did you know people can be racist and sexist at work??” “Here’s how to establish a team culture!” “Think about onboarding this way!”) There was a lot of “here’s what to do to include different minorities on your team!” and basically nothing for “what do you do if you ARE a minority, not feeling included, and feeling frustrated.” Going in, I thought the subtitle “the secret power of embracing emotions at work” was for ME to embrace my emotions, but really it felt like it was for other more senior people to embrace my emotions.
I think I’m extra disappointed because there are so many books already targeted towards management types, or how to build a team culture. Sigh.
I did pick up some good tips here and there, but overall this just was a little too management-focused and a little too off the charter of “how to deal with emotions at work” for me.
I thought Chapter 2: Health and the appendix “Further Resources on Emotions” were great as they came closest to addressing these points. However I was frustrated that a lot of the rest of the book felt more oriented towards managers/leaders/CEOs (“Here’s how you can build psychological safety for others!” “Did you know people can be racist and sexist at work??” “Here’s how to establish a team culture!” “Think about onboarding this way!”) There was a lot of “here’s what to do to include different minorities on your team!” and basically nothing for “what do you do if you ARE a minority, not feeling included, and feeling frustrated.” Going in, I thought the subtitle “the secret power of embracing emotions at work” was for ME to embrace my emotions, but really it felt like it was for other more senior people to embrace my emotions.
I think I’m extra disappointed because there are so many books already targeted towards management types, or how to build a team culture. Sigh.
I did pick up some good tips here and there, but overall this just was a little too management-focused and a little too off the charter of “how to deal with emotions at work” for me.
December 8, 2024
بنظر من همه کتابهای روانشناسی و خودیاری و ...، باید مثل این کتاب آخر هر فصل یه خلاصه کوتاه از اون فصل داشته باشن.
February 15, 2020
I've been reading this book off and on at work, which I think I heard about on the Get Booked podcast. Helpful advice for dealing with emotions of others, using your own emotions as a tool for decision making and more. The first idea I want to apply is "user manuals" where people get to share their perspective of how they think/work.
February 24, 2019
Spotted this as a "new release" and thought it would be an interesting read. I had a performance review and training not long ago and so that was still fresh in my mind as I thought this would be a good read and was curious to know what the authors had a say.
The book is a good overview on what emotions we might encounter at work or around work, what might be the cause(s) and how we can manage them in productive ways. Topics cover everything from boredom to lack of interest to anxiety. Factors that might affect how we feel that are addressed include gender, introverts vs. extroverts, race, etc. Throughout the book there are comics that help demonstrate the author's points. There's also looking at it from a leadership/management POV.
It seems like a nice overview and I'm glad a book like this was out there, but it feels too much like a good broad overview rather than an in-depth look. I would have liked to have had more discussion about any of the factors that can affect our emotions at work. They were great pointers and brief summaries, but in the end I felt like I had read a lot of these tips and tricks before and I didn't really much to get from this book.
That's not to say it's without merit because there are certainly people who haven't identified the source of stress at work (or that they're stressed about work!) Or they don't know how to deal with other factors like a very introverted employee or someone who is of a different race, etc.
So this is a good introduction (like, I'd definitely recommend this to a new graduate entering the workforce or for someone who has been out of the workforce for a long time and is now returning) but I'm not sure this will have a lot of value for people, especially if you already have other factors like a work spouse, strong support network, a good management team that works on developing more junior employees, etc.
Borrowed from the library and that's how I'd recommend it, although it might make a good gift for certain individuals as mentioned above.
The book is a good overview on what emotions we might encounter at work or around work, what might be the cause(s) and how we can manage them in productive ways. Topics cover everything from boredom to lack of interest to anxiety. Factors that might affect how we feel that are addressed include gender, introverts vs. extroverts, race, etc. Throughout the book there are comics that help demonstrate the author's points. There's also looking at it from a leadership/management POV.
It seems like a nice overview and I'm glad a book like this was out there, but it feels too much like a good broad overview rather than an in-depth look. I would have liked to have had more discussion about any of the factors that can affect our emotions at work. They were great pointers and brief summaries, but in the end I felt like I had read a lot of these tips and tricks before and I didn't really much to get from this book.
That's not to say it's without merit because there are certainly people who haven't identified the source of stress at work (or that they're stressed about work!) Or they don't know how to deal with other factors like a very introverted employee or someone who is of a different race, etc.
So this is a good introduction (like, I'd definitely recommend this to a new graduate entering the workforce or for someone who has been out of the workforce for a long time and is now returning) but I'm not sure this will have a lot of value for people, especially if you already have other factors like a work spouse, strong support network, a good management team that works on developing more junior employees, etc.
Borrowed from the library and that's how I'd recommend it, although it might make a good gift for certain individuals as mentioned above.
August 27, 2024
Cannonball Read Bingo: Font
In One Word: Insightful
This year I started a new job and it was a huuuuge life shift: new industry (from non-profit higher education to for-profit tech corporation) new physical environment (hybrid to remote only) new role (administrator to enabler). (Yes, enabler is a real job title. Who knew?!). As with all things, I approached it with a thirst for resources that would equip me with the tools to be successful and help me find my way. Early on in a "getting to know you" convo with my supervisor, she mentioned that this was a book she found helpful as a resource at work. I'm a pretty hierarchical thinker, so my boss recommending a book to me meant that it skyrocketed to the tippy top of my "to read" pile. And it didn't hurt that it sounded like an AWESOME book by lizandmollie! For the uninitiated, lizandmollie are a collaborative duo who share their insights and reflections about modern concepts using words and illustrations. I first came upon their brilliance on Instagram and their content (and unique font stylings, BINGO!) is some of my favorite stuff ever (see pic for example).
So what's the book like? The book is marketed as a "toolkit for dealing with negative emotions at work." And yes, that's true, it is a handy reference manual for harnassing emotions at work. But more than helping me to deal with negative emotions, it helped me to realize that emotions (having, showing, and talking about them) at work shouldn't be taboo. I've internalized that being emotional at work is to be avoided (thanks, patriarchy) but lizandmollie are here to counteract that bunk (poppycock. hogwash, straight-up trash) and illuminate how emotions can be your allies, nay, your strength, in a work environment.
The book is split into seven key topics: health, motivation, decision-making, teams, communication, culture, and leadership; each section is an engaging blend of personal anecdotes, advice, and illustrations, all of which are underpinned by thorough research. I'll make the bold claim that absolutely any person who takes the time to read this book will learn something: their ideas are the perfect blend of relatable and actionable. This would be great to read with a friend or co-worker and talk about. Like a lot of self-help style books, this book has loads of good information and is a dense volume of great tips and points to ponder, so reading it cover to cover feels daunting, and not the way to get the most out of it. I would recommend reading a chapter every two weeks, to really have time to reflect and absorb it. And as hard as I endorse the book, I equally endorse following their content online, and though I haven't read their new book, heck it's probably great too!
In One Word: Insightful
This year I started a new job and it was a huuuuge life shift: new industry (from non-profit higher education to for-profit tech corporation) new physical environment (hybrid to remote only) new role (administrator to enabler). (Yes, enabler is a real job title. Who knew?!). As with all things, I approached it with a thirst for resources that would equip me with the tools to be successful and help me find my way. Early on in a "getting to know you" convo with my supervisor, she mentioned that this was a book she found helpful as a resource at work. I'm a pretty hierarchical thinker, so my boss recommending a book to me meant that it skyrocketed to the tippy top of my "to read" pile. And it didn't hurt that it sounded like an AWESOME book by lizandmollie! For the uninitiated, lizandmollie are a collaborative duo who share their insights and reflections about modern concepts using words and illustrations. I first came upon their brilliance on Instagram and their content (and unique font stylings, BINGO!) is some of my favorite stuff ever (see pic for example).
So what's the book like? The book is marketed as a "toolkit for dealing with negative emotions at work." And yes, that's true, it is a handy reference manual for harnassing emotions at work. But more than helping me to deal with negative emotions, it helped me to realize that emotions (having, showing, and talking about them) at work shouldn't be taboo. I've internalized that being emotional at work is to be avoided (thanks, patriarchy) but lizandmollie are here to counteract that bunk (poppycock. hogwash, straight-up trash) and illuminate how emotions can be your allies, nay, your strength, in a work environment.
The book is split into seven key topics: health, motivation, decision-making, teams, communication, culture, and leadership; each section is an engaging blend of personal anecdotes, advice, and illustrations, all of which are underpinned by thorough research. I'll make the bold claim that absolutely any person who takes the time to read this book will learn something: their ideas are the perfect blend of relatable and actionable. This would be great to read with a friend or co-worker and talk about. Like a lot of self-help style books, this book has loads of good information and is a dense volume of great tips and points to ponder, so reading it cover to cover feels daunting, and not the way to get the most out of it. I would recommend reading a chapter every two weeks, to really have time to reflect and absorb it. And as hard as I endorse the book, I equally endorse following their content online, and though I haven't read their new book, heck it's probably great too!
January 17, 2020
Cannot recommend enough! We are all brainwashed at some point into thinking being an “emotional” person has no place at work or makes you weak, and nothing could be further from the truth. WE ARE HUMAN. Learning how to harness those feelings and use your superpowers for good is a powerful skill. I especially loved the chapters focused on culture and cultivating a diverse and inclusive workplace. Learning how to reframe stressors, how to be selectively vulnerable and *GASP* be less passionate about your job are just a few of the amazing concepts Liz and Mollie cover. If you work literally anywhere, you can relate. 10/10.
October 1, 2024
I read in English but this review is in Bahasa Indonesia
Berpindah ke lingkungan kerja yang baru membawaku pada adaptasi lagi. Meski berbeda industri tetapi dengan tanggung jawab dan anggota tim yang tidak sama dengan tempat aku bekerja sebelumnya rupanya cukup membuat aku harus berpikir. Setidaknya adalah bagaimana membuat kami semua nyaman untuk bisa menyampaikan aspirasi. Termasuk aku yang masih berusaha untuk setting the boundaries antara pekerjaan dan kehidupan personal.
Lalu aku teringat bahwa Khansaa pernah membaca buku ini. Buku yang sampulnya menarik dan lucu. Aku kerap melihatnya nangkring di rak toko buku impor seperti di Periplus dan Kinokuniya. Rasanya penasaran. Akhirnya aku terdorong untuk membacanya (kebetulan di Kobo harganya diskon menjadi hanya USD2.99)
Dalam No Hard Feelings yang ditekankan pertama kali adalah bahwa setiap human capital adalah manusia. Bukan robot yang berbaju manusia. Jelas sudah jika memiliki emosi. Seringkali kita mendengar bahwa untuk tidak mencampuradukkan emosi personal dengan profesional. Katanya sih, supaya tetap terlihat berwibawa. Tapi rupanya Liz Fosslien mengatakan hal yang berbeda. Sudah aku kutip pada awal tulisan ini, yang harus disadari adalah bahwa manusia pasti sepaket dengan emosi. Tinggal bagaimana caranya agar emosi bisa ditempatkan pada keadaan yang sesuai. Bukan malah merepresinya.
Sejak awal, Fosslien sudah menuliskan kekeliruan apa saja yang sering kita asumsikan sebagai sesuatu yang normal di tempat kerja. Misalnya adalah dengan tidak mengekspresikan kesedihan/kekecawaan. Fosslien memberikan saran dan cara bagaimana agar apa yang kita rasakan bisa diutarakan tanpa harus merepresi itu sendiri. Rupanya, hal-hal seperti itu malah menjadi hambatan untuk sebuah tim agar bisa berkembang.
Tulisan Fosslien cenderung ringan dan kocak. Belum lagi dilengkapi dengan ilustrasi sehingga memudahkan pembaca untuk memahami pesan yang disampaikan oleh Fosslien. Saking serunya buku ini, aku bahkan bisa menyelesaikaannya dalam semalam saja. Fosslien memberikanku pandangan baru bahwa human capital adalah manusia. Mereka tidak bisa dipisahkan dari emosi dan perasaan, mau itu menggunakan dalih "atas nama profesionalitas." Malah seharusnya, tim yang ada di sebuah perusahaan/institusi mampu membuat aturan untuk tidak diskriminatif terhadap kehadiran emosi manusia.
Baca saja! Buku ini rasanya cocok untuk mereka-mereka yang kerjanya harus dengan tim. Atau...kamu bisa juga mengajak rekan kerjamu untuk melakukan Baca Bareng buku ini!
Humans are emotional creatures, regardless of circumstances. By ignoring our feelings at work, we overlook important data and risk making preventable mistakes.
Berpindah ke lingkungan kerja yang baru membawaku pada adaptasi lagi. Meski berbeda industri tetapi dengan tanggung jawab dan anggota tim yang tidak sama dengan tempat aku bekerja sebelumnya rupanya cukup membuat aku harus berpikir. Setidaknya adalah bagaimana membuat kami semua nyaman untuk bisa menyampaikan aspirasi. Termasuk aku yang masih berusaha untuk setting the boundaries antara pekerjaan dan kehidupan personal.
Lalu aku teringat bahwa Khansaa pernah membaca buku ini. Buku yang sampulnya menarik dan lucu. Aku kerap melihatnya nangkring di rak toko buku impor seperti di Periplus dan Kinokuniya. Rasanya penasaran. Akhirnya aku terdorong untuk membacanya (kebetulan di Kobo harganya diskon menjadi hanya USD2.99)
Dalam No Hard Feelings yang ditekankan pertama kali adalah bahwa setiap human capital adalah manusia. Bukan robot yang berbaju manusia. Jelas sudah jika memiliki emosi. Seringkali kita mendengar bahwa untuk tidak mencampuradukkan emosi personal dengan profesional. Katanya sih, supaya tetap terlihat berwibawa. Tapi rupanya Liz Fosslien mengatakan hal yang berbeda. Sudah aku kutip pada awal tulisan ini, yang harus disadari adalah bahwa manusia pasti sepaket dengan emosi. Tinggal bagaimana caranya agar emosi bisa ditempatkan pada keadaan yang sesuai. Bukan malah merepresinya.
Sejak awal, Fosslien sudah menuliskan kekeliruan apa saja yang sering kita asumsikan sebagai sesuatu yang normal di tempat kerja. Misalnya adalah dengan tidak mengekspresikan kesedihan/kekecawaan. Fosslien memberikan saran dan cara bagaimana agar apa yang kita rasakan bisa diutarakan tanpa harus merepresi itu sendiri. Rupanya, hal-hal seperti itu malah menjadi hambatan untuk sebuah tim agar bisa berkembang.
Tulisan Fosslien cenderung ringan dan kocak. Belum lagi dilengkapi dengan ilustrasi sehingga memudahkan pembaca untuk memahami pesan yang disampaikan oleh Fosslien. Saking serunya buku ini, aku bahkan bisa menyelesaikaannya dalam semalam saja. Fosslien memberikanku pandangan baru bahwa human capital adalah manusia. Mereka tidak bisa dipisahkan dari emosi dan perasaan, mau itu menggunakan dalih "atas nama profesionalitas." Malah seharusnya, tim yang ada di sebuah perusahaan/institusi mampu membuat aturan untuk tidak diskriminatif terhadap kehadiran emosi manusia.
Baca saja! Buku ini rasanya cocok untuk mereka-mereka yang kerjanya harus dengan tim. Atau...kamu bisa juga mengajak rekan kerjamu untuk melakukan Baca Bareng buku ini!
So stop blaming yourself for not feeling happy all the time. A better version of the familiar adage "Grin and bear it" may be: "Sometimes you have to bear it, but you shouldn't force yourself to grin."
January 9, 2024
Iš pirmo žvilgsnio knyga atrodė be proto įdomi, naudinga ir įtraukianti, bet vėliau skaityti ją buvo beveik kančia. Perskaityti norėjosi, todėl mažais žingsneliais vis „keliavau“ link paskutinio puslapio. Galėčiau teigti, kad knyga, man asmeniškai, lyg ir sukėlė skaitymo bloką? Na, nežymų, bet... 😥
📖 Knygoje pateikiama „pavyzdžių“, kaip tvarkytis su emocijomis darbo aplinkoje bei kaip kurti šiltą ir draugišką atmosferą.
📖 Apstu istorijų, o autorės dalinasi patirtimi apie ankstesnes savo darbovietes bei kaip joms sekasi suderinti skirtingus charakterius ir dirbti kartu.
Galvoju, kad knygoje ieškojau ne to, todėl ji man didelio susižavėjimo ir nepaliko, tačiau visgi radau vieną, kitą punktą, kurį galėjau panaudoti savo darbinėje aplinkoje.
Jei ieškote būtent tokios tematikos knygos, tikriausiai ji jums patiks.
Vertinčiau 3/5 🌟
📖 Knygoje pateikiama „pavyzdžių“, kaip tvarkytis su emocijomis darbo aplinkoje bei kaip kurti šiltą ir draugišką atmosferą.
📖 Apstu istorijų, o autorės dalinasi patirtimi apie ankstesnes savo darbovietes bei kaip joms sekasi suderinti skirtingus charakterius ir dirbti kartu.
Galvoju, kad knygoje ieškojau ne to, todėl ji man didelio susižavėjimo ir nepaliko, tačiau visgi radau vieną, kitą punktą, kurį galėjau panaudoti savo darbinėje aplinkoje.
Jei ieškote būtent tokios tematikos knygos, tikriausiai ji jums patiks.
Vertinčiau 3/5 🌟
July 8, 2025
Vispirms paņēmu bibliotēkā, bet uzreiz sapratu, ka vajag pašai savu - gribas pasvītrot, pārlasīt, pārdomāt. Man ļoti noderēja, palīdzēja salikt kādas lietas pa plauktiem. Sarakstīta foršā, asprātīgā, viegli uztveramā, bet arī pārdomātā un empātiskā valodā, īsi un konkrēti, ar daudziem piemēriem iz dzīves. Atzinība grāmatas tulkotājai latviešu valodā Janai Gavarei - ar interesi sekoju līdzi arī tulkotājas risinājumiem (interesanti bija atrisināta "resting bitch face" :D). Papildu odziņa - asprātīgas ilustrācijas.
February 16, 2022
وسط های کتاب کمی خستهکننده شد اما کتاب خوبی بود!
December 3, 2020
I really wanted to like the book. I like what it's trying to say, I like how text and comic is intertwined, but...but it can't compensate for the fact that this is a composition book.
Every chapter is a composition of quotes from random authors and random researches. The two often-cited sources are Harvard Business Review and Radical Candor. To me, the final book reads like "reader's digest" report, or possibly a composite Goodreads review.
I think this book would work as a manifesto for modern companies, speaking against command-and-control management and for more humane and more emotionally safe environment. Unfortunately, the language is almost the exact opposite of opinionated. There are sparks of that in parts of the book where authors feel more passionate—like those about biases and minorities.
If you are for this kind of companies, then there is not much for you in this book—except cute comics. If not, I doubt this book will convince you.
I'd buy a collection of the pics to be torn out and hanged around the office randomly, though.
Add a star if you haven't read any US business/self-help book and/or you like their style.
Every chapter is a composition of quotes from random authors and random researches. The two often-cited sources are Harvard Business Review and Radical Candor. To me, the final book reads like "reader's digest" report, or possibly a composite Goodreads review.
I think this book would work as a manifesto for modern companies, speaking against command-and-control management and for more humane and more emotionally safe environment. Unfortunately, the language is almost the exact opposite of opinionated. There are sparks of that in parts of the book where authors feel more passionate—like those about biases and minorities.
If you are for this kind of companies, then there is not much for you in this book—except cute comics. If not, I doubt this book will convince you.
I'd buy a collection of the pics to be torn out and hanged around the office randomly, though.
Add a star if you haven't read any US business/self-help book and/or you like their style.
March 13, 2019
I really loved this book. It's succinct and doesn't labour every point, but covers some very important points. The old advice of no emotion at work is just unrealistic and this book provides some excellent ways of handling things.
If you want each point covered in depth then I suggest you read the books referenced in the text. For me, this provided a great resource I can return to/reference having read many of those other books already. In the learning stage you maybe want the depth and many examples but beyond that, a reference is more useful to return to when dealing with a specific situation.
As an added bonus there are cartoons and humour. What's not to like?!
The narration in the audiobook version is also very easy to listen to.
If you want each point covered in depth then I suggest you read the books referenced in the text. For me, this provided a great resource I can return to/reference having read many of those other books already. In the learning stage you maybe want the depth and many examples but beyond that, a reference is more useful to return to when dealing with a specific situation.
As an added bonus there are cartoons and humour. What's not to like?!
The narration in the audiobook version is also very easy to listen to.
November 3, 2019
Excellent resource for workplace communication. Balances hard science with a firm but gentle tone. Includes lots of illustrations to enhance the message and brighten the mood. The book is definitely focused on intra-office communication, centered almost entirely on corporate workspaces at the exclusion of customer-facing enterprises. Many of the strategies inside are YMMV if you work a customer service job.
February 4, 2020
The insightful short book that covers all needed shades of the emotions at work subject. It refers to classic in this field, like "Radical candor," "Emotional intelligence," etc. However, it also brings to the table its thought-provoking ideas
January 14, 2020
Nothing necessarily groundbreaking, but good tips to keep in mind.
I'm new to the workforce, so the concept of how to handle emotions at work was totally new to me. In my previous role as a student, I expressed my emotions however I felt like it, since most of my time was mine. Now that it's not, that mindset has shown itself to be infeasible. This book has some good info in it, for sure, like keeping in mind that people simply have different preferred styles of communication, among other tidbits. Additionally, this book made me feel like my case wasn't unique, that other people go through what I'm going through. It made me feel less alone. For that, I can recommend it.
Still, it's not without its faults. It sometimes relies too heavily on classifying people into "introverts" and "extroverts," something which I'm fairly certain has been proven to be an oversimplied method of classification. Additionally, a fair amount of this info boils down to things either learned in kindergarten (tl;dr, be nice) or things one could figure out simply using their intuition.
Overall, despite its shortcomings, I would still recommend this book to anyone new to the workforce who's finding it difficult to know how to handle their emotions at work. Additionally, I'd suggest this to any new people managers who, despite what their ego might tell them, do not know how to be emotionally sensitive at work and, frankly, could afford to put some serious work into building their emotional intelligence. You know who you are.
Embrace your emotions at work and learn to be sensitive to others'. It's just the decent thing to do.
I'm new to the workforce, so the concept of how to handle emotions at work was totally new to me. In my previous role as a student, I expressed my emotions however I felt like it, since most of my time was mine. Now that it's not, that mindset has shown itself to be infeasible. This book has some good info in it, for sure, like keeping in mind that people simply have different preferred styles of communication, among other tidbits. Additionally, this book made me feel like my case wasn't unique, that other people go through what I'm going through. It made me feel less alone. For that, I can recommend it.
Still, it's not without its faults. It sometimes relies too heavily on classifying people into "introverts" and "extroverts," something which I'm fairly certain has been proven to be an oversimplied method of classification. Additionally, a fair amount of this info boils down to things either learned in kindergarten (tl;dr, be nice) or things one could figure out simply using their intuition.
Overall, despite its shortcomings, I would still recommend this book to anyone new to the workforce who's finding it difficult to know how to handle their emotions at work. Additionally, I'd suggest this to any new people managers who, despite what their ego might tell them, do not know how to be emotionally sensitive at work and, frankly, could afford to put some serious work into building their emotional intelligence. You know who you are.
Embrace your emotions at work and learn to be sensitive to others'. It's just the decent thing to do.
January 7, 2021
I recently entered into a new job where I had to take on a leadership role - but I am fresh out of grad school and this would be my first time in anything like this position. This book helped me to take a step back and realize where my anxieties were coming from, as well as become more secure in how I talk to staff and communicate with my boss. It's still a learning curve and I'm still trying to find my way but I feel more confident in knowing how to navigate my emotions in the workplace than I did when I first started.
I loved the style of writing paired with the funny comics. For the visual learners it was a great way to showcase what was just explained in a doodle that made the topics understandable without compromising the information.
I used this book during my job's "empower hour" and will recommend it to my other co-workers.
I loved the style of writing paired with the funny comics. For the visual learners it was a great way to showcase what was just explained in a doodle that made the topics understandable without compromising the information.
I used this book during my job's "empower hour" and will recommend it to my other co-workers.
December 2, 2020
Didžiausią pliusą knyga gauna už vertimą - labai sklandus ir turbūt sudaro pusę skaitymo malonumo.
Knyga apie emocijas darbe, labiausiai tiks tiems, kam tenka daug bendrauti su bendradarbiais, nes apie tai daugiausiai ir rašoma. Iš vienos pusės negaliu sakyti, kad skaitydama atradau daug naujų dalykų, iš kitos pusės susižavėjau tuo, su kokiu paprastumu didžioji dalis tų žinotų dalykų buvo papasakoti.
Knyga apie emocijas darbe, labiausiai tiks tiems, kam tenka daug bendrauti su bendradarbiais, nes apie tai daugiausiai ir rašoma. Iš vienos pusės negaliu sakyti, kad skaitydama atradau daug naujų dalykų, iš kitos pusės susižavėjau tuo, su kokiu paprastumu didžioji dalis tų žinotų dalykų buvo papasakoti.
January 10, 2021
This is the kind of book you need to read no matter if you are a manager, a worker or a CEO. Not only read once but return to it time and time again. Well deserved 5 stars rating. People I know might be getting copies of it.
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November 12, 2021When your manager knows you’re a reader so she gives you a book to read as part of your development plan… 😂
10/10 enjoyed all the little graphics throughout and the formatting of the book made it interesting and accessible.
10/10 enjoyed all the little graphics throughout and the formatting of the book made it interesting and accessible.
January 19, 2022
Great read for anyone who wants to get more out of work, show up better and lead better than ever. Filled with so much practical wisdom, countless true examples etc
February 1, 2023
Perfect for those dealing with workplace dilemmas and frustrations.
October 8, 2021
“ Leadership is a skill, not a role. “ I enjoyed this and highly recommend it!
January 19, 2023
I liked some parts of the book. I related to a lot of the issues mentioned. However, to me it felt like the book was a bit shallow and lacked depth. Also, it was repetitive at times. Although it was short, it could have been shorter.
July 22, 2023
Not sure I learned anything new from this book
October 14, 2020
Fascinating book, easy to read and full of some top tips for anyone in business. It’s a book I shall always be referring back to.
March 10, 2021
I really enjoyed this book. It’s not an in-depth book of concepts, but it’s great. I’m going to keep in on my desk as a handy reminder to bring my full self to work with tactical ideas of what that looks like.
June 25, 2024
This book was fine but is mostly a summary of books I have already read by Adam Grant, Lazlo Bock, Susan Cain etc.
There are a bunch of good nuggets here and I thought the authors did a good job summarizing and making these topics approachable and digestible.
There are a bunch of good nuggets here and I thought the authors did a good job summarizing and making these topics approachable and digestible.
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