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A Life Turned Upside Down: My Dad's an Alcoholic
Mariko Kikuchi tells the painful story of her father's alcoholism and her own journey through guilt to understanding her father's illness. She rejects the common belief that family members can and should be forgiven for anything they do, no matter how much harm they cause. This powerful, self-contained autobiographical manga began as a web series that went viral, and inspired a critically acclaimed 2019 film in Japan.
148 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 31, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 114 reviews
November 12, 2021
Mariko Kikuchi’s had a tough life. Her dad was an alcoholic and physically abusive while her mother was physically and emotionally abusive before she committed suicide when Mariko and her little sister were still kids. Then, in her 20s, she became involved with a man who was also a heavy drinker and who beat her up constantly - for 9 years!
Her misery memoir, with the unwieldy title of A Life Turned Upside Down: My Dad’s An Alcoholic, is occasionally interesting and other times not. I was having a hard time trying to pinpoint why this book didn’t totally work for me and I think it just comes down to not finding the material all that engaging.
Not to take anything away from Kikuchi’s experience - of course all the stuff that happened to her is horrendous and bravo to her for getting through it and still remaining a decent person - but the memoir is a bit thin for my taste. Her dad’s an alcoholic until he isn’t, her boyfriend’s a scumbag while he’s in the picture, until he isn’t, and Mariko just kinda rides out the rough waves until they calm down. It’s straightforward stuff and, though the terrible things she went through are morbidly interesting, a lot of the stuff in between really isn’t, however sympathetic you may feel towards her and her sister for having to grow up too soon to deal with their reckless father.
We don’t really get to know why her dad was an alcoholic, why her mother was so unhappy, why her boyfriend was so horrible - it’s a very surface-level overview of her life. They’re just bad people taking out their nastiness on the author, which only makes the story less distinctive.
Kudos to the author for realising her dream of becoming a mangaka (her sister also became a professional illustrator), but I feel like her cutesy drawing style here makes light of the dark story and doesn’t do it justice, lessening the story’s impact on the reader.
A Life Turned Upside Down: My Dad’s An Alcoholic isn’t the most compelling or memorable read about addiction but it has its moments and you do root for and empathise with the author in her struggle.
Her misery memoir, with the unwieldy title of A Life Turned Upside Down: My Dad’s An Alcoholic, is occasionally interesting and other times not. I was having a hard time trying to pinpoint why this book didn’t totally work for me and I think it just comes down to not finding the material all that engaging.
Not to take anything away from Kikuchi’s experience - of course all the stuff that happened to her is horrendous and bravo to her for getting through it and still remaining a decent person - but the memoir is a bit thin for my taste. Her dad’s an alcoholic until he isn’t, her boyfriend’s a scumbag while he’s in the picture, until he isn’t, and Mariko just kinda rides out the rough waves until they calm down. It’s straightforward stuff and, though the terrible things she went through are morbidly interesting, a lot of the stuff in between really isn’t, however sympathetic you may feel towards her and her sister for having to grow up too soon to deal with their reckless father.
We don’t really get to know why her dad was an alcoholic, why her mother was so unhappy, why her boyfriend was so horrible - it’s a very surface-level overview of her life. They’re just bad people taking out their nastiness on the author, which only makes the story less distinctive.
Kudos to the author for realising her dream of becoming a mangaka (her sister also became a professional illustrator), but I feel like her cutesy drawing style here makes light of the dark story and doesn’t do it justice, lessening the story’s impact on the reader.
A Life Turned Upside Down: My Dad’s An Alcoholic isn’t the most compelling or memorable read about addiction but it has its moments and you do root for and empathise with the author in her struggle.
February 16, 2022
Seven Seas published this difficult memoir manga to appear consistent with other memoirs it publishes by Nagata Kabi (My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, My Alcoholic Escape From Reality); same light, pink, yellow colors, light cute manga figures. I understand that the commercial market has made little room for memoir mangas in Japan, but the popularity of Nagata's work has paved the way for more brutal honest stories of Japanese life.
Kikuchi's tale is about her Dad's alcoholism, that led to her mother's suicide, to her own nine-year relationship with a verbally and physically abusive drunk, and a decades-long fragile struggle to cope with the life he in part dealt her. I am sure in Japan it is the source of much debate, as she ultimately does not forgive her father for his lifelong blackout drinking, his putting family last. There's a consistent and sad theme here about the obligation she as a daughter (and her sister)--a woman's place--to care for and never speak of their father's illness. Her rage and shame and guilt are on every page, and it is difficult to read and yet I thought admirably honest.
I think the lighter visual tone makes it easier to read, too, right for the very dark subject.
I wish I knew more about those Kikuchi says supported her, over the years; I wish I knew a bit more about her sister's coping mechanisms, but I still think this is still a compelling story. We all know family members and friends who are alcoholics; some of us are alcoholics. Useful to read.
Kikuchi's tale is about her Dad's alcoholism, that led to her mother's suicide, to her own nine-year relationship with a verbally and physically abusive drunk, and a decades-long fragile struggle to cope with the life he in part dealt her. I am sure in Japan it is the source of much debate, as she ultimately does not forgive her father for his lifelong blackout drinking, his putting family last. There's a consistent and sad theme here about the obligation she as a daughter (and her sister)--a woman's place--to care for and never speak of their father's illness. Her rage and shame and guilt are on every page, and it is difficult to read and yet I thought admirably honest.
I think the lighter visual tone makes it easier to read, too, right for the very dark subject.
I wish I knew more about those Kikuchi says supported her, over the years; I wish I knew a bit more about her sister's coping mechanisms, but I still think this is still a compelling story. We all know family members and friends who are alcoholics; some of us are alcoholics. Useful to read.
December 23, 2021
Due to a family history, I find I tend to be harsh when reviewing books about alcoholism. So when I say this one is sort of a disjointed, choppy, and shallow jumble, take it with a grain of salt.
The author's life sucks, with domestic violence, suicide, and terminal illness thrown in on top of dad's alcoholism. I felt bad for her, but I also grew frustrated as she muddles through most of it in a state of helplessness. I was flummoxed when she reveals how long an abusive relationship lasted, partly because she is not very effective in telling how much time is passing in the story.
It's weird in the end when she focuses on all the people who were her support system, when she barely introduced them in the story, giving each one only a few panels before they mostly disappeared, sometimes without even being named. I had trouble telling the sister and the best friend Mii apart since they were drawn the same except for hair parts on opposite sides of their heads.
The author's life sucks, with domestic violence, suicide, and terminal illness thrown in on top of dad's alcoholism. I felt bad for her, but I also grew frustrated as she muddles through most of it in a state of helplessness. I was flummoxed when she reveals how long an abusive relationship lasted, partly because she is not very effective in telling how much time is passing in the story.
It's weird in the end when she focuses on all the people who were her support system, when she barely introduced them in the story, giving each one only a few panels before they mostly disappeared, sometimes without even being named. I had trouble telling the sister and the best friend Mii apart since they were drawn the same except for hair parts on opposite sides of their heads.
November 26, 2021
A manga memoir of the author on her life with her alcoholic father.
Her family life starts out destabilising because her mother is involved with a cult, and commits suicide when the girls are young. Their father turns to drink and seems to lose all sense of responsibility.
Her style is cute, and this contrasts with the brutal turns her life takes. She's very honest about her own raw feelings, and the guilt she sometimes feels when she has negative feelings toward her father. Her father is endlessly frustrating. You regularly find yourself wanting to reach through the pages and give her a hug.
Brutal, but very good.
(Thanks to Seven Seas for providing me with a review copy through Edelweiss)
May 4, 2023
The Dad I remember is always drunk.
I'd escape to draw my alcohol-free fantasy world.
A graphic memoir illustrating how two Japanese girls become the caretakers for their parents. Besides the alcoholic father, there is the cult-adjacent mother, depressed and lonely, who attempts to abandon the family and then kills herself, leaving the daughters to take care of their erratic undependable — and stinky — father.
It is a gruelling tale, as Mariko details entering into abusive relationships which mirror the family of origin dynamic, before (eventually) developing some degree of insight.
There seems to be no shortage of enabling adults in the community, who tell the girls that everyone drinks, when they grow up they will understand why people get drunk, and that it is the girls' job to take care of their father, be grateful, and don't complain.
It takes many years for Mariko to break out of this mindset. It is also a challenge to balance conflicting emotions — there are good memories of her father, and dreams of her parents (although, never together, even in dreams). Yikes, it's all a bit of a dreary slog, but I kept thinking that there must be people in Japan who really need to hear this.
And, perhaps, there are people like me who need to be reminded.
I'd escape to draw my alcohol-free fantasy world.
A graphic memoir illustrating how two Japanese girls become the caretakers for their parents. Besides the alcoholic father, there is the cult-adjacent mother, depressed and lonely, who attempts to abandon the family and then kills herself, leaving the daughters to take care of their erratic undependable — and stinky — father.
It is a gruelling tale, as Mariko details entering into abusive relationships which mirror the family of origin dynamic, before (eventually) developing some degree of insight.
There seems to be no shortage of enabling adults in the community, who tell the girls that everyone drinks, when they grow up they will understand why people get drunk, and that it is the girls' job to take care of their father, be grateful, and don't complain.
It takes many years for Mariko to break out of this mindset. It is also a challenge to balance conflicting emotions — there are good memories of her father, and dreams of her parents (although, never together, even in dreams). Yikes, it's all a bit of a dreary slog, but I kept thinking that there must be people in Japan who really need to hear this.
And, perhaps, there are people like me who need to be reminded.
November 30, 2021
This is intensely bleak, but also very real in terms of how we internalize our family problems.
Read
May 5, 2023What makes this manga hurt more is that it happened in real life! 😭
Please check the trigger warnings before proceeding with this manga.
It is really sad how alcoholism can damage not one but two or more lives. And this manga shows it with pure tragedy in comparison to its little and cheeky art style. A short manga with only a hundred of pages that is extremely difficult to read and imagine since it captures all the negative emotions associated with those difficulties. 🥹
This is bravery—to share this painful story. I am hoping for the best for Mariko Kikuchi. 🤗
Please check the trigger warnings before proceeding with this manga.
It is really sad how alcoholism can damage not one but two or more lives. And this manga shows it with pure tragedy in comparison to its little and cheeky art style. A short manga with only a hundred of pages that is extremely difficult to read and imagine since it captures all the negative emotions associated with those difficulties. 🥹
This is bravery—to share this painful story. I am hoping for the best for Mariko Kikuchi. 🤗
March 4, 2023
I am unsure how to review this truthfully.
While I knew it would be triggering in general, I also knew it could be painfully triggering for me since growing up my step-dad was an alcoholic AND drug addict. I only decided to give this read a try because I needed a biographical manga for an upcoming Top 5 Wednesday video and was really engaged with the first chapter when I tried the preview.
While I was not as young as Kikuchi was, her balling up of emotions, her anger, her guilt, and ultimately, her hatred resonated with me on a very deep and painful level. Sometimes it was like being back in high school where I hid away in my room and desperately looked forward to the day when I moved out and no longer had to deal with my step-dad's drunk rants. In that sense, it was very validating to see I am not alone in having lived through a hellish time in my life.
On the other hand, the ending was hard. I'm not sure I would say it's depressing because the epilogue was fulfilling. Having the strength to live without hatred and grudges consuming you is a real and powerful thing. It took me YEARS to forgive the pain my step-dad's actions caused my family and reading Kikuchi's story made me thankful for the support system I had because when she shared how there were times she questioned being alive, I honestly feel that would have been me too if those friends hadn't been there for me.
Overall, I am hesitant to recommend this even though it's an eye-opening read into the life of someone who painfully felt the effects of alcoholism. It's definitely not an easy read, but I'm glad I read it.
While I knew it would be triggering in general, I also knew it could be painfully triggering for me since growing up my step-dad was an alcoholic AND drug addict. I only decided to give this read a try because I needed a biographical manga for an upcoming Top 5 Wednesday video and was really engaged with the first chapter when I tried the preview.
While I was not as young as Kikuchi was, her balling up of emotions, her anger, her guilt, and ultimately, her hatred resonated with me on a very deep and painful level. Sometimes it was like being back in high school where I hid away in my room and desperately looked forward to the day when I moved out and no longer had to deal with my step-dad's drunk rants. In that sense, it was very validating to see I am not alone in having lived through a hellish time in my life.
On the other hand, the ending was hard. I'm not sure I would say it's depressing because the epilogue was fulfilling. Having the strength to live without hatred and grudges consuming you is a real and powerful thing. It took me YEARS to forgive the pain my step-dad's actions caused my family and reading Kikuchi's story made me thankful for the support system I had because when she shared how there were times she questioned being alive, I honestly feel that would have been me too if those friends hadn't been there for me.
Overall, I am hesitant to recommend this even though it's an eye-opening read into the life of someone who painfully felt the effects of alcoholism. It's definitely not an easy read, but I'm glad I read it.
January 21, 2023
what a tragic and depressing life she has led. i wish for her happiness.
February 16, 2022
Now, this was an unexpected gem.
You don't really see this kind of manga being published in the west very often. In the west, manga's really only considered worth publishing if it's directed at, or at least appealing to, teenagers. I think that the success of Kabi Nagata in the west, especially My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, paved the way for Kikuchi. If we're lucky, there will be more autobiographical manga to come.
But anyway.
The story here isn't a particularly pleasant one. An alcoholic father, a mother who's a cult member, two sisters who are trying to make the best of a horrid situation. Kikuchi's mother never provides any support worth mentioning, and in fact enables the father's drinking, as do his drinking buddies. It's not a happy story.
And while this sounds strange to say about a true story, it's very well-paced. Things develop, circumstances change, and new people enter the picture. I was a bit worried that the story here would simply amount to "My father drank, and then he drank this other time too, and also he drank this other time..." Instead, new things happen every chapter. Kikuchi's mom makes it clear she'll never stop the father from drinking. Kikuchi tries to gain popularity in school, and handle things mentally, by turning her horrid experiences with her alcoholic father into funny stories about her wacky dad to tell her classmates.
Kikuchi even has a character arc throughout the book, which is more than you have a right demand as a reader. (After all, people don't live their lives for the sake of making them into an interesting manga.) You can tell she's a skilled manga creator by the way she makes sure to tell an actual story.
In the excellent autobiographic comic Pregnant Butch: Nine Long Months Spent in Drag, there's a funny part where things end in a dissatisfying, anticlimactic way. The writer apologizes, saying that since this is non-fiction, she can't change things to be more satisfying to the reader. In A Life Turned Upside Down, though, there's never any need for that.
Concerning the art, it's pretty much the perfect kind of art for this kind of story. It's simple and stylized, but never unpolished. In a lot of American and Swedish autobiographical comics, there's the kind of artwork where I can't quite decide if the cartoonist is using a naïve artstyle or simply is bad at drawing. Here, though, the art is simple and effective.
In fact, I think that the artstyle is part of what helps the book to avoid becoming misery porn--a realistic artstyle would have made the pain and misery more real, and provided a level of detail that I, at least, would find difficult to manage. (Granted, I still found reading this to be a hard experience--on occasion I wanted to beat the stuffing out of all the people who were horrid to Kikuchi, and then beat the stuffing out of them again.) The contrast between the stylized art and the all-too-realistic subject matter works excellently.
In short, this is a well-told story that is revealing without ever fetishizing the subject matter. Highly recommended, regardless of whether what you're looking for is a story about alcoholism, a manga, or an autobiography. At first I was going to give it four stars, but then I realized that all in all, it does what it's supposed to so well that five stars are deserved.
You don't really see this kind of manga being published in the west very often. In the west, manga's really only considered worth publishing if it's directed at, or at least appealing to, teenagers. I think that the success of Kabi Nagata in the west, especially My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, paved the way for Kikuchi. If we're lucky, there will be more autobiographical manga to come.
But anyway.
The story here isn't a particularly pleasant one. An alcoholic father, a mother who's a cult member, two sisters who are trying to make the best of a horrid situation. Kikuchi's mother never provides any support worth mentioning, and in fact enables the father's drinking, as do his drinking buddies. It's not a happy story.
And while this sounds strange to say about a true story, it's very well-paced. Things develop, circumstances change, and new people enter the picture. I was a bit worried that the story here would simply amount to "My father drank, and then he drank this other time too, and also he drank this other time..." Instead, new things happen every chapter. Kikuchi's mom makes it clear she'll never stop the father from drinking. Kikuchi tries to gain popularity in school, and handle things mentally, by turning her horrid experiences with her alcoholic father into funny stories about her wacky dad to tell her classmates.
Kikuchi even has a character arc throughout the book, which is more than you have a right demand as a reader. (After all, people don't live their lives for the sake of making them into an interesting manga.) You can tell she's a skilled manga creator by the way she makes sure to tell an actual story.
In the excellent autobiographic comic Pregnant Butch: Nine Long Months Spent in Drag, there's a funny part where things end in a dissatisfying, anticlimactic way. The writer apologizes, saying that since this is non-fiction, she can't change things to be more satisfying to the reader. In A Life Turned Upside Down, though, there's never any need for that.
Concerning the art, it's pretty much the perfect kind of art for this kind of story. It's simple and stylized, but never unpolished. In a lot of American and Swedish autobiographical comics, there's the kind of artwork where I can't quite decide if the cartoonist is using a naïve artstyle or simply is bad at drawing. Here, though, the art is simple and effective.
In fact, I think that the artstyle is part of what helps the book to avoid becoming misery porn--a realistic artstyle would have made the pain and misery more real, and provided a level of detail that I, at least, would find difficult to manage. (Granted, I still found reading this to be a hard experience--on occasion I wanted to beat the stuffing out of all the people who were horrid to Kikuchi, and then beat the stuffing out of them again.) The contrast between the stylized art and the all-too-realistic subject matter works excellently.
In short, this is a well-told story that is revealing without ever fetishizing the subject matter. Highly recommended, regardless of whether what you're looking for is a story about alcoholism, a manga, or an autobiography. At first I was going to give it four stars, but then I realized that all in all, it does what it's supposed to so well that five stars are deserved.
June 22, 2022
This one affected me enough that I knew I couldn't stretch the reading experience longer than one sitting. Pretty much tore through those pages like a band-aid aha
November 28, 2022
Great book, sad as hell. Thought there would be a lot more comedic tones because of the style being similar to my Lesbian Experience with Lonliness and with how cartoony it is, but nope the art style is deceiving. Not at all the authors fault this is just on me for thinking that. Great memoir and wonderful read for other people who have dealt with similar situations. Also feel that the ending was a bit rushed, and that there wasn't really much closure. We don't see Mari getting therapy or really coming to terms with her literal decades of abuse. The most we get of this is a couple pages and I just wish the author showed more of her healing journey.
The book handles a lot of other topics really well such as suicide, abusive relationships, and just a lot of mental issues that makes it a really intriguing read; just god is it depressing man.
The book handles a lot of other topics really well such as suicide, abusive relationships, and just a lot of mental issues that makes it a really intriguing read; just god is it depressing man.
November 24, 2021
Raw and real
June 24, 2024
حقیقتا متاثرکننده و غمگین بودش. و خیلی به این فکر کردم که چقد بعضی ها خودخواهانه بچه دار میشن و آینده اش رو تباه میکنن.
January 15, 2024
Una historia dura y terrible, pero a la vez llena de sentimientos, sobre la experiencia de vivir con personas alcohólicas en la familia y de todo lo que se puede llegar a pasar en esta situación.
Me gusta la evolución de la protagonista, que es la propia autora, y de cómo expone sus sentimientos y pensamientos. Al final queda un poso de calma, porque la vida siempre sigue y aunque algunos ya no estén con nosotros.
Me gusta la evolución de la protagonista, que es la propia autora, y de cómo expone sus sentimientos y pensamientos. Al final queda un poso de calma, porque la vida siempre sigue y aunque algunos ya no estén con nosotros.
January 4, 2025
It wasn’t about the money. Or the alcohol.
What hurt me was that for dad, our family was always his lowest priority. For years and years and years.
Man.
September 25, 2023
A touching story about having an alcoholic father.
August 2, 2022
https://misgrandespasiones-rosa.blogs...
Este manga es el primero que leo en mi vida. El título atrae y repele a partes iguales, pero cuando me dispuse a leerlo intenté quitarme todos los prejuicios que del mismo se estaban formando en mi mente.
Una vez salvados los primero obstáculos a los que me enfrentaba (leer de atrás hacia delante y el orden de lectura de las viñetas y del texto dentro de cada una de ellas), ya me sumergí de lleno dentro de la historia.
En ella conocemos a una joven Mariko, sí porque ésta historia es autobiográfica, que vive en una ciudad japonesa, en una casa en un barrio residencial junto a sus padres y su hermana pequeña. Hasta aquí todo es normal, con la salvedad de que su padre llega borracho como una cuba casi todos los días después del trabajo.
Mariko, aún siendo tan pequeña, es consciente de que eso no está bien y ve cómo la relación entre sus padres va degradándose y cómo su vida familiar va directa al abismo.
No quiero contar mucho más, porque lo interesante es ir descubriendo los acontecimientos que van desencadenando la evolución en la vida de los personajes.
Es una historia dura, e incluso, a veces, cruda, pero yo creo que me la esperaba aún peor, por mis prejuicios iniciales. Sin embargo, la forma de narrar de los asiáticos, me impide empatizar plenamente con sus personajes. Para mí siempre resultan distantes y bastante fríos, aunque no me impide disfrutar de su literatura.
Lo más interesante que se saca de la lectura de este manga es la triste realidad de la vida real en el seno de una familia japonesa media. Con esto no quiero decir que lo que pasa en la familia de Mariko sea la norma en Japón, pero sí ayuda a sacar algunos puntos en común que la imagen que tenemos de ese hermoso país nos impide ver con claridad. Porque el manga toca temas muy candentes y enraizados en la cultura japonesa, y por desgracia en alguna otra más, donde el machismo sigue imperando y la tolerancia con el consumo excesivo de alcohol es vergonzante. También toca temas como el suicidio, las relaciones tóxicas, la adicción al trabajo (típicamente japonesa) y las dudas sobre el futuro a las que se enfrentan todos los jóvenes cuando les toca decidir sobre su futuro.
Tengo que decir que mi primera experiencia lectora con los mangas ha sido bastante positiva, pues he descubierto un nuevo género al que puedo acudir de vez en cuando en busca de nuevas historias.
Este manga es el primero que leo en mi vida. El título atrae y repele a partes iguales, pero cuando me dispuse a leerlo intenté quitarme todos los prejuicios que del mismo se estaban formando en mi mente.
Una vez salvados los primero obstáculos a los que me enfrentaba (leer de atrás hacia delante y el orden de lectura de las viñetas y del texto dentro de cada una de ellas), ya me sumergí de lleno dentro de la historia.
En ella conocemos a una joven Mariko, sí porque ésta historia es autobiográfica, que vive en una ciudad japonesa, en una casa en un barrio residencial junto a sus padres y su hermana pequeña. Hasta aquí todo es normal, con la salvedad de que su padre llega borracho como una cuba casi todos los días después del trabajo.
Mariko, aún siendo tan pequeña, es consciente de que eso no está bien y ve cómo la relación entre sus padres va degradándose y cómo su vida familiar va directa al abismo.
No quiero contar mucho más, porque lo interesante es ir descubriendo los acontecimientos que van desencadenando la evolución en la vida de los personajes.
Es una historia dura, e incluso, a veces, cruda, pero yo creo que me la esperaba aún peor, por mis prejuicios iniciales. Sin embargo, la forma de narrar de los asiáticos, me impide empatizar plenamente con sus personajes. Para mí siempre resultan distantes y bastante fríos, aunque no me impide disfrutar de su literatura.
Lo más interesante que se saca de la lectura de este manga es la triste realidad de la vida real en el seno de una familia japonesa media. Con esto no quiero decir que lo que pasa en la familia de Mariko sea la norma en Japón, pero sí ayuda a sacar algunos puntos en común que la imagen que tenemos de ese hermoso país nos impide ver con claridad. Porque el manga toca temas muy candentes y enraizados en la cultura japonesa, y por desgracia en alguna otra más, donde el machismo sigue imperando y la tolerancia con el consumo excesivo de alcohol es vergonzante. También toca temas como el suicidio, las relaciones tóxicas, la adicción al trabajo (típicamente japonesa) y las dudas sobre el futuro a las que se enfrentan todos los jóvenes cuando les toca decidir sobre su futuro.
Tengo que decir que mi primera experiencia lectora con los mangas ha sido bastante positiva, pues he descubierto un nuevo género al que puedo acudir de vez en cuando en busca de nuevas historias.
February 27, 2022
A comic memoire similar to those released by Nagata Kabi by the same publisher. Very dark and challenging at times, it's not an easy read. The author tells the story of their life dealing with their mother's suicide and father's alcoholism and whether these impacted the way their life has been lead or the relationship she's developed.
September 12, 2022
Content warnings for alcoholism, abusive relationships, suicide.
A Life Turned Upside Down: My Dad's an Alcoholic is Mariko Kikuchi's manga memoir of growing up with an alcoholic father and eventually watching him die of cancer. Her mom was in a cult and basically just enabled her husband's alcoholism until she eventually committed suicide.
For a short while after her mother's death, her father seemed to improve - he came home sober more often. When Mariko occasionally got frustrated with him, she repressed her feelings, telling herself that she could put up with anything as long as he stayed sober. However, even that didn't last. As she entered high school, Mariko realized that her friends thought her dad was funny, so she tried coping by turning him into a joke. It was something she continued to make use of when she made her debut as a manga artist.
Her dad only turned physically abusive towards her once. However, she spent several years in a relationship with a needy functioning alcoholic who did abuse her.
Mariko's emotions were a mess in this. She struggled with guilt over the period of time when her dad was dying of cancer and she couldn't bring herself to care. She struggled with feeling like she wasn't a "good daughter" because she didn't care about him enough when he was around, and it wrecked her sleep and emotional well-being after he died. She wondered whether there was a way she could have gotten him to stop drinking before he was diagnosed with cancer, maybe buying him a few more years. She hated her dad, and somehow missed him (or an idealized version of him) at the same time. She was also so emotionally closed off that it was hard for her to talk about it with others.
Man, this was a rough read, and it reminded me that real life doesn't necessarily have the flow and eventual satisfying resolution that fiction can have. Mariko's dad quit drinking after he started treatment for cancer, but it didn't solve the problems in their relationship, and it didn't stop him from complicating her life as she tried to clean up the results of his bad decisions. The best she was able to manage was to find some kind of peace with her complicated feelings about him. It sounded like she was also working to open up to people a little more, and she ended up with a guy who wasn't an abusive jerk.
There were a bunch of things I wish Mariko had spent more time writing about. Her sister, for example, had completely different coping mechanisms, constantly acting cheerful, and Mariko only became aware that this was all a lie later in their lives. I can understand the impulse not to talk about things - there are aspects of our childhoods that my sister and I have only talked about in the past few years, for example. But I don't think there were many (if any) moments in the manga when Mariko talked to other people about her experiences. She mentioned having a support system, but we rarely got to see that support system in action. Granted, maybe those moments existed but Mariko, still working on opening herself up emotionally, couldn't bring herself to depict them.
Overall, this was worth reading. It was short and I read it pretty quickly, but it continues to have a place in my thoughts.
(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.)
A Life Turned Upside Down: My Dad's an Alcoholic is Mariko Kikuchi's manga memoir of growing up with an alcoholic father and eventually watching him die of cancer. Her mom was in a cult and basically just enabled her husband's alcoholism until she eventually committed suicide.
For a short while after her mother's death, her father seemed to improve - he came home sober more often. When Mariko occasionally got frustrated with him, she repressed her feelings, telling herself that she could put up with anything as long as he stayed sober. However, even that didn't last. As she entered high school, Mariko realized that her friends thought her dad was funny, so she tried coping by turning him into a joke. It was something she continued to make use of when she made her debut as a manga artist.
Her dad only turned physically abusive towards her once. However, she spent several years in a relationship with a needy functioning alcoholic who did abuse her.
Mariko's emotions were a mess in this. She struggled with guilt over the period of time when her dad was dying of cancer and she couldn't bring herself to care. She struggled with feeling like she wasn't a "good daughter" because she didn't care about him enough when he was around, and it wrecked her sleep and emotional well-being after he died. She wondered whether there was a way she could have gotten him to stop drinking before he was diagnosed with cancer, maybe buying him a few more years. She hated her dad, and somehow missed him (or an idealized version of him) at the same time. She was also so emotionally closed off that it was hard for her to talk about it with others.
Man, this was a rough read, and it reminded me that real life doesn't necessarily have the flow and eventual satisfying resolution that fiction can have. Mariko's dad quit drinking after he started treatment for cancer, but it didn't solve the problems in their relationship, and it didn't stop him from complicating her life as she tried to clean up the results of his bad decisions. The best she was able to manage was to find some kind of peace with her complicated feelings about him. It sounded like she was also working to open up to people a little more, and she ended up with a guy who wasn't an abusive jerk.
There were a bunch of things I wish Mariko had spent more time writing about. Her sister, for example, had completely different coping mechanisms, constantly acting cheerful, and Mariko only became aware that this was all a lie later in their lives. I can understand the impulse not to talk about things - there are aspects of our childhoods that my sister and I have only talked about in the past few years, for example. But I don't think there were many (if any) moments in the manga when Mariko talked to other people about her experiences. She mentioned having a support system, but we rarely got to see that support system in action. Granted, maybe those moments existed but Mariko, still working on opening herself up emotionally, couldn't bring herself to depict them.
Overall, this was worth reading. It was short and I read it pretty quickly, but it continues to have a place in my thoughts.
(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.)
August 5, 2024
It takes a lot of strength and maturity to write an autobiographical story with the amount of depth and meaning as this one. At the start, it had me feeling disgusting, disgusted, and in a dark place. I put it down and didn’t come back for months until I was in a healthier place, but even then, it had me bawling. My sobs were so visceral that it felt like I was living in a simulation of my own family story playing out before me. Mari’s dark feelings toward her father during the last two years of his life and her guilt surrounding it as well as the inability to take back any cruel words due to meaning them (in spite of the guilt for saying them)… it’s all… things I’ve played out in my head multiple times involving myself and my own family.
“I wanted dad to die. Then he did.”
The way the author speaks so coldly hurts worse. Because it’s so bitter and raw and real. This sentiment and how she feels for it, with the absence of all other feelings… it’s too real, too painful, and cuts me so deep.
“I had never been sadder in my entire life.”
The loss, the regret, all of the pain. They’re all things that can never be changed.
“I didn’t think I would even cry. Dad loved me so much, and yet… I put a wall between us. I got angry with him, hit him, ignored him. Dad was dying and I exploded at him like nothing was wrong. (‘I’m sorry dad. I’m sorry about everything.’) Maybe I was the monster all along.
As soon as dad died… All that blame I had hurled at him… came back to cut me. I turned a blind eye to all the good stuff dad did for me.”
All of this is raw and real, but there is so, so much more in the story to eat up. By the end of it, Mari’s world is turned upside down and she takes a new perspective on life.
She will continue to carry these regrets and dark feelings with her, but she can still move forward in a bright direction. She can remember her parents, the good as well as the bad, because neither made up their entire beings. You can’t forgive or excuse a parent for doing ten bad things just because they did one good thing for every ten. But you also shouldn’t remember them solely by the bad. Remember the good too, it mattered as well.
Mari learned that leading a life with a negative perspective won’t take her far, and she exhibited all the bad choices she made as well as her thoughts dipping into suicide while she carried on with this perspective. But once she healed a bit and learned to adopt a more positive spin on life, she was able to recognize all the good around her and all the support she hadn’t realized she’d had. She was able to foster more meaningful and healthy relationships moving forward, relationships which helped ease her out of isolation and helped to unburden her from her trauma, just a bit.
(I’ll be creating a video essay on this on YouTube in the future. I hope you’ll find and enjoy it.)
“I wanted dad to die. Then he did.”
The way the author speaks so coldly hurts worse. Because it’s so bitter and raw and real. This sentiment and how she feels for it, with the absence of all other feelings… it’s too real, too painful, and cuts me so deep.
“I had never been sadder in my entire life.”
The loss, the regret, all of the pain. They’re all things that can never be changed.
“I didn’t think I would even cry. Dad loved me so much, and yet… I put a wall between us. I got angry with him, hit him, ignored him. Dad was dying and I exploded at him like nothing was wrong. (‘I’m sorry dad. I’m sorry about everything.’) Maybe I was the monster all along.
As soon as dad died… All that blame I had hurled at him… came back to cut me. I turned a blind eye to all the good stuff dad did for me.”
All of this is raw and real, but there is so, so much more in the story to eat up. By the end of it, Mari’s world is turned upside down and she takes a new perspective on life.
She will continue to carry these regrets and dark feelings with her, but she can still move forward in a bright direction. She can remember her parents, the good as well as the bad, because neither made up their entire beings. You can’t forgive or excuse a parent for doing ten bad things just because they did one good thing for every ten. But you also shouldn’t remember them solely by the bad. Remember the good too, it mattered as well.
Mari learned that leading a life with a negative perspective won’t take her far, and she exhibited all the bad choices she made as well as her thoughts dipping into suicide while she carried on with this perspective. But once she healed a bit and learned to adopt a more positive spin on life, she was able to recognize all the good around her and all the support she hadn’t realized she’d had. She was able to foster more meaningful and healthy relationships moving forward, relationships which helped ease her out of isolation and helped to unburden her from her trauma, just a bit.
(I’ll be creating a video essay on this on YouTube in the future. I hope you’ll find and enjoy it.)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 5, 2021
Joder, qué historia más dura.
Me acerqué a este manga porque me recordaba a los de Kabi Nagata y la verdad es que me puse a leerlo sin siquiera leer la sinopsis, así que me ha impactado mucho. Obviamente, al leer el título ya sabes que no vas a leer una historia muy alegre, pero hay cosas que no me esperaba. La vida de la mangaka ha sido durísima y creo que plasma muy bien, sin tapujos ni adornos, los sentimientos y pensamientos de una persona que vive en un hogar hostil.
Este tipo de obras siempre me parecen MUY VALIENTES. La autora muestra todos sus pensamientos y reflexiones, sus errores, su egoísmo, sus diferentes vínculos y evoluciones, etc. Y el cómo la situación en casa ha influido en todo esto. También vemos cómo ha gestionado, en sus diferentes etapas, el que su padre fuera un alcohólico y la relación con su madre. Este manga me ha hecho sentir mucha rabia e impotencia...
No sé que más decir. Creo que es una muy buena obra, no solo por cómo trata el tema de tener un padre alcohólico o el consumo de alcohol en Japón, sino por lo bien representado que esta toda la parte mental: el autosabotaje y las fijaciones, las reproducciones de aquello que conocemos y forma parte de nuestra "normalidad", ya sean conductas, relaciones, etc. Me ha sorprendido mucho. No creo que sea una obra para todo el mundo, pero sí una muy buena obra.
Me acerqué a este manga porque me recordaba a los de Kabi Nagata y la verdad es que me puse a leerlo sin siquiera leer la sinopsis, así que me ha impactado mucho. Obviamente, al leer el título ya sabes que no vas a leer una historia muy alegre, pero hay cosas que no me esperaba. La vida de la mangaka ha sido durísima y creo que plasma muy bien, sin tapujos ni adornos, los sentimientos y pensamientos de una persona que vive en un hogar hostil.
Este tipo de obras siempre me parecen MUY VALIENTES. La autora muestra todos sus pensamientos y reflexiones, sus errores, su egoísmo, sus diferentes vínculos y evoluciones, etc. Y el cómo la situación en casa ha influido en todo esto. También vemos cómo ha gestionado, en sus diferentes etapas, el que su padre fuera un alcohólico y la relación con su madre. Este manga me ha hecho sentir mucha rabia e impotencia...
No sé que más decir. Creo que es una muy buena obra, no solo por cómo trata el tema de tener un padre alcohólico o el consumo de alcohol en Japón, sino por lo bien representado que esta toda la parte mental: el autosabotaje y las fijaciones, las reproducciones de aquello que conocemos y forma parte de nuestra "normalidad", ya sean conductas, relaciones, etc. Me ha sorprendido mucho. No creo que sea una obra para todo el mundo, pero sí una muy buena obra.
June 26, 2024
I actually picked this up bc I assumed, based on the title and cover art, that this was by Kabi Nagata. It isn’t, but it had a similar start as a web series.
The title is self-explanatory, and the content is fucking dark. Content warnings for alcoholism, suicide, domestic violence, abusive relationships and just a lot of shit.
I do not have a 1:1 family situation here, neither of my parents were alcoholics, but even still the immense pain that is caused hit harder than I was expecting in some places because pieces of it were familiar in an awful way. I hope for the best for this manga-ka; it seemed like her life was really turning around at the end after she’d worked through some of her emotional stunted-ness, and figured her shit out.
The title is self-explanatory, and the content is fucking dark. Content warnings for alcoholism, suicide, domestic violence, abusive relationships and just a lot of shit.
I do not have a 1:1 family situation here, neither of my parents were alcoholics, but even still the immense pain that is caused hit harder than I was expecting in some places because pieces of it were familiar in an awful way. I hope for the best for this manga-ka; it seemed like her life was really turning around at the end after she’d worked through some of her emotional stunted-ness, and figured her shit out.
February 14, 2022
TW for alcoholism, physical and emotional abuse, suicide, cancer, death- the whole nine yards. Phew.
I keep rewriting the review for this because I have a lot of feelings after finishing the book. Suffice to say, hits a little too close to home! I imagine most readers will have a rough time with this story, but if you've had similar experiences as Kikuchi, it can be painfully familiar.
I enjoy the art style a lot; it, and obviously the cover, reminds me of My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. If you "liked" this essay manga, I'd recommend Nagata's works as well.
I keep rewriting the review for this because I have a lot of feelings after finishing the book. Suffice to say, hits a little too close to home! I imagine most readers will have a rough time with this story, but if you've had similar experiences as Kikuchi, it can be painfully familiar.
I enjoy the art style a lot; it, and obviously the cover, reminds me of My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. If you "liked" this essay manga, I'd recommend Nagata's works as well.
March 15, 2023
This felt like a punch to the gut. It was too sad and real and heartwrenching, that I had to step back after reading it in one go, otherwise I wouldn't stop crying.
This is autobiographical manga, which I don't think I've ever read, about the author's experience in childhood, up to adullthood with an alcoholic father and how that destroyed her family, her life, her ability to lead a healthy life and make healthy choices. The mental and bodily trauma that has left on her was haunting. The alcoholic father destroyed her but she was expected to still be grateful that he fed and clothed her. He messed up her life and her perception of love and relationships, and yet she was expected to not say anything or even complain.
This has all the trigger warnings. Suicide, death, alcoholism, domestic violence, depression, abuse.
This is autobiographical manga, which I don't think I've ever read, about the author's experience in childhood, up to adullthood with an alcoholic father and how that destroyed her family, her life, her ability to lead a healthy life and make healthy choices. The mental and bodily trauma that has left on her was haunting. The alcoholic father destroyed her but she was expected to still be grateful that he fed and clothed her. He messed up her life and her perception of love and relationships, and yet she was expected to not say anything or even complain.
This has all the trigger warnings. Suicide, death, alcoholism, domestic violence, depression, abuse.
April 16, 2022
Muy chulito!!! Confiaba en fandogamia después de mis buenas experiencias con Kabi Nagata y no me ha decepcionado. Mismo estilo de manga autobiográfico donde la autora te cuenta en retrospectiva sus traumas de juventud, sus mecanismos de autodefensa y como se va metiendo en un pequeño pozo hasta acabar tocando fondo. Simplemente la mente humana wow
Os lo dejo cuando queráis amigas!!
Os lo dejo cuando queráis amigas!!
April 30, 2024
C'est étrange de se dire que j'ai aimé une lecture qui m'a fait aussi mal, mais je comprends totalement ce que Miriko ressent. Que ce soit la culpabilité comme la haine, que se soit le besoin d'être accepté comme le fait de ne pas réussir à s'ouvrir aux autres, que se soit de toujours cacher ce qu'on ressent comme le fait de se laisser emporter par ses émotions. Je crois n'avoir jamais eu le cœur qui me débattait autant en lisant un livre.
October 2, 2024
I really enjoyed this deeply introspective manga, I can't relate to the subject matter but the emotions Kikuchi described are definitely universal to a lot of situations. The art style and writing reminded me of "My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness" and I love that series so this was amazing!! Definitely recommend this underrated manga, I read it in one sitting🩷
October 5, 2022
Todo en esta historia me da tanta pena
December 29, 2022
I love that it explores a difficult topic with honesty and candor, but many of the transitions were weak and the character development felt flat.
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