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116 pages, ebook
First published February 1, 2022

❝I hope you live a long life - happy and healthy and, most importantly, safe - knowing that since the moment you were born, I have existed for you. You are the one thing - the only thing in my life that is irreplaceable.❞
❝I can promise you this: you will always be the most important person in my life. No one will ever come before you.❞
❝Pet me,❞ I say, moving my head from his bicep to his chest. His hand automatically sinks into my hair and I sigh as I close my eyes. ❝Now tell me I'm pretty.❞
Ian laughs, the sound soft and warm as it vibrates his chest, before he squeezes my neck. ❝You're pretty.❞
❝I know. But thanks for telling me,❞ I say, a laugh in my voice. I press a kiss to his chest and settle against him once more.
❝And exactly where would you have hidden your new... friend, if I had?❞ I ask.
❝Um...❞ He bites his bottom lip, pulls the goat against his chest, and smiles. ❝This is Vincent. Vincent van Goat. Say hello.❞
A sense of peace builds behind my ribcage as I hold him; I close my eyes for a moment, basking in the feeling. Of all the people I’ve loved, taken comfort in when I needed it, none of them compare to Oskar.
Pops, my loving grandfather who pets my head and tells me I’m pretty on demand.
“Do you hate me now?” Oskar whispers into my neck, his voice breaking.
I jerk against him, my heart skipping a harsh beat as I tighten my hold on his slim frame. “What? No, Oskar. Of course not.”
What kind of question is that? He should know better. The last thing I could do, would ever do, is hate Oskar. He is the reason I wake in the morning, take a deep breath and push forward, even when doing so seems damn near impossible. There’s nothing he can do that will make me love him less—only more.
Yes, he is spoiled. But it isn’t as if I deny him nothing. I’ve said no before, just . . . rarely. Why would I say no when telling him yes makes him happy? His happiness is the only thing that truly matters.
“I love you,” he sighs, voice soft and dreamy, pressing his cheek against my chest.
I squeeze my eyes closed and drag him against my body. His legs tangle with mine as I press a kiss to his hair. “I love you too.”
He can never know. If he knew I would lose him and I can’t. I can’t lose Oskar.
These quiet moments with Oskar, when it’s just us, relaxing at the end of a long day, are some of my favorites. He is a bright spot in my life and has been since he was born. Moments like these remind me there’s more to life than work.
“Oskar?” I mutter as I brush my mouth over the shell of his ear. He’s crying hard—loud, broken sounds—and I don’t know what to do, how to help him, how to make this better. I’ve never felt so powerless. “Talk to me. I can’t fix it unless you tell me what’s wrong.”
“I just . . .” Oskar’s nails dig into my back. “I just don’t want to lose you.”
“Not possible,” I assure him as I rock him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I’ll never abandon him—never. Even when I’m dead and gone, I will still be with him, a ghost haunting his every step.
Holden snorts. “One day, Ian is going to paddle your ass and you’re gonna cry.”
“I might like it,” I counter, even though I know Pops will never spank me, not for real, for real. He’d probably cry before I cried if he did.
“The future is unpredictable. No man can say what tomorrow holds. But I can promise you this: you will always be the most important person in my life. No one will ever come before you.”
My heart squeezes and my eyes burn. Ian cups my jaw as his thumb brushes under my eye. “I hope you live a long life—happy and healthy and, most importantly, safe—knowing that since the moment you were born, I have existed for you. You are the one thing—the only thing in my life that is irreplaceable.” 🫠🫠🫠
“I hope you live a long life—happy and healthy and, most importantly, safe—knowing that since the moment you were born, I have existed for you. You are the one thing—the only thing in my life that is irreplaceable.”