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The Selfless Act of Breathing
A heartbreaking, lyrical story for all of those who have fantasized about escaping their daily lives and starting over.
Michael Kabongo is a British-Congolese teacher living in London on the cusp of two identities. On paper, he seems to have it all: He’s beloved by his students, popular with his coworkers, and the pride and joy of a mother who emigrated from the Congo to the UK in search of a better life. But behind closed doors, he’s been struggling with the overwhelming sense that he can’t address the injustices he sees raging before him—from his relentless efforts to change the lives of his students for the better to his attempts to transcend the violence and brutality that marginalizes young Black men around the world.
Then one day he suffers a devastating loss, and his life is thrown into a tailspin. As he struggles to find a way forward, memories of his fathers’ violent death, the weight of refugeehood, and an increasing sense of dread threaten everything he’s worked so hard to achieve. Longing to escape the shadows in his mind and start anew, Michael decides to spontaneously pack up and go to America, the mythical “land of the free,” where he imagines everything will be better, easier—a place where he can become someone new, someone without a past filled with pain.
On this transformative journey, Michael travels everywhere from New York City to San Francisco, partying with new friends, sparking fleeting romances, and splurging on big adventures, with the intention of living the life of his dreams until the money in his bank account runs out.
Written in spellbinding prose, with Bola’s trademark magnetic storytelling, The Selfless Act of Breathing takes us on a wild ride to odd but exciting places as Michael makes surprising new connections and faces old prejudices in new settings.
Michael Kabongo is a British-Congolese teacher living in London on the cusp of two identities. On paper, he seems to have it all: He’s beloved by his students, popular with his coworkers, and the pride and joy of a mother who emigrated from the Congo to the UK in search of a better life. But behind closed doors, he’s been struggling with the overwhelming sense that he can’t address the injustices he sees raging before him—from his relentless efforts to change the lives of his students for the better to his attempts to transcend the violence and brutality that marginalizes young Black men around the world.
Then one day he suffers a devastating loss, and his life is thrown into a tailspin. As he struggles to find a way forward, memories of his fathers’ violent death, the weight of refugeehood, and an increasing sense of dread threaten everything he’s worked so hard to achieve. Longing to escape the shadows in his mind and start anew, Michael decides to spontaneously pack up and go to America, the mythical “land of the free,” where he imagines everything will be better, easier—a place where he can become someone new, someone without a past filled with pain.
On this transformative journey, Michael travels everywhere from New York City to San Francisco, partying with new friends, sparking fleeting romances, and splurging on big adventures, with the intention of living the life of his dreams until the money in his bank account runs out.
Written in spellbinding prose, with Bola’s trademark magnetic storytelling, The Selfless Act of Breathing takes us on a wild ride to odd but exciting places as Michael makes surprising new connections and faces old prejudices in new settings.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published November 2, 2021
131 people are currently reading
10636 people want to read
About the author
J.J. Bola
8 books147 followersA Kinshasa born, London raised writer, poet, educator and workshop facilitator. London and UK based, but also international; Paris, Brussels, Boston etc, most recently San Francisco and Oakland, where he won the Oakland Poetry Slam. Performs regularly at shows and festivals such as Tongue Fu, Vocals & Verses, Chill Pill, The Round House, Ventnor Fringe, etc as well as Universities; SOAS, UCL, Oxford, Lincoln, University of Birmingham, Standford University and Merrit College in the Bay and other public institutions. Also includes various Radio and Television appearances.
JJ Bola has successfully published two books of poetry Elevate and Daughter of the Sun (ebook). His third, and latest, is his most comprehensive poetry collection WORD, which was launched to a sold out crowd, during Refugee Week on the 18th of June 2015 at Dalston Roof Park. JJ Bola’s work is centred on a narrative of empowerment, humanisation, healing of trauma as well as discovery of self through art, literature and poetry. Creating the increasingingly popular addage, 'hype your writers like you do you rappers', he believes that the true purpose of poetry (art) is to expose the reality of this world and how to, most importantly, survive it.
[taken from author's website]
JJ Bola has successfully published two books of poetry Elevate and Daughter of the Sun (ebook). His third, and latest, is his most comprehensive poetry collection WORD, which was launched to a sold out crowd, during Refugee Week on the 18th of June 2015 at Dalston Roof Park. JJ Bola’s work is centred on a narrative of empowerment, humanisation, healing of trauma as well as discovery of self through art, literature and poetry. Creating the increasingingly popular addage, 'hype your writers like you do you rappers', he believes that the true purpose of poetry (art) is to expose the reality of this world and how to, most importantly, survive it.
[taken from author's website]
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 367 reviews
February 8, 2022
The Selfless Act of Breathing is a powerful and emotional read.
Looking at Michael Kabongo, no one would guess the inner turmoil he is experiencing. On the surface, he seems like a friendly and charismatic fellow. On the inside; however, he is more than a little depressed and quite philosophical.
He decides to give up his job as a teacher and embark on a trip to America until his savings run out. Once they are gone, he will end his life.
Told in dual timelines, the reader sees Michael’s everyday life before he quits his job, as well as his time in the US. The reader watches as he struggles to make emotional connections with people, has a string of flings, wantonly spends his money, and as he contemplates the meaning of life.
J. J. Bola’s beautiful prose makes it abundantly clear that he is a poet. The author explores racism, prejudice, intersectional feminism, belonging, grief, feeling invisible, and familial and cultural expectations.
This novel was very close to a five-star read, but my eyes tend to glaze over when topics become overly philosophical. However, others may get a lot out of the existential musings in this book. And I found that some of the characters were underdeveloped. Although, that may have been purposefully done to show how in his own head Michael was. I’d simply have enjoyed more background on the people in Michael’s life.
This book is rather depressing, so I’d recommend reading it when you’re in the right mindset. It’s not all bleak; it has its moments of hope. The ending made me bawl.
Thank you to Atria / Simon & Schuster Canada for providing an arc via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
https://booksandwheels.com
Looking at Michael Kabongo, no one would guess the inner turmoil he is experiencing. On the surface, he seems like a friendly and charismatic fellow. On the inside; however, he is more than a little depressed and quite philosophical.
He decides to give up his job as a teacher and embark on a trip to America until his savings run out. Once they are gone, he will end his life.
Told in dual timelines, the reader sees Michael’s everyday life before he quits his job, as well as his time in the US. The reader watches as he struggles to make emotional connections with people, has a string of flings, wantonly spends his money, and as he contemplates the meaning of life.
J. J. Bola’s beautiful prose makes it abundantly clear that he is a poet. The author explores racism, prejudice, intersectional feminism, belonging, grief, feeling invisible, and familial and cultural expectations.
This novel was very close to a five-star read, but my eyes tend to glaze over when topics become overly philosophical. However, others may get a lot out of the existential musings in this book. And I found that some of the characters were underdeveloped. Although, that may have been purposefully done to show how in his own head Michael was. I’d simply have enjoyed more background on the people in Michael’s life.
This book is rather depressing, so I’d recommend reading it when you’re in the right mindset. It’s not all bleak; it has its moments of hope. The ending made me bawl.
Thank you to Atria / Simon & Schuster Canada for providing an arc via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
https://booksandwheels.com
December 22, 2021
I never connected with either this book or its main character. It’s written in a disjointed style, with a back and forth between the past in London and the present day in America. Michael gives up his teaching job in London and decides to fly to America with his life savings. When it’s gone, he intends to kill himself.
It’s a depressing book. It’s beautifully written, as befits the author being a poet, but it’s just way too dark for me. The underlying sense of the book was a severe hopelessness. “Do you ever wish that you could die… but without all of the dying?” he says, “Like, not die, but just cease to exist, disappear, be invisible, every trace of your life, even the memories of you in other people’s hearts and minds, all gone.”
While I could understand what led to Michael’s despair, I couldn’t connect with him. I appreciated the scenes set in London and would have preferred a story that focused just on that side of things. In fact, there was one plot point I wish had been further fleshed out. I struggled to get through the American side of things. To be honest, the book frustrated me. It had potential, but I just didn’t feel it worked.
My thanks to Netgalley and Atria Books for an advance copy of this book.
It’s a depressing book. It’s beautifully written, as befits the author being a poet, but it’s just way too dark for me. The underlying sense of the book was a severe hopelessness. “Do you ever wish that you could die… but without all of the dying?” he says, “Like, not die, but just cease to exist, disappear, be invisible, every trace of your life, even the memories of you in other people’s hearts and minds, all gone.”
While I could understand what led to Michael’s despair, I couldn’t connect with him. I appreciated the scenes set in London and would have preferred a story that focused just on that side of things. In fact, there was one plot point I wish had been further fleshed out. I struggled to get through the American side of things. To be honest, the book frustrated me. It had potential, but I just didn’t feel it worked.
My thanks to Netgalley and Atria Books for an advance copy of this book.
February 22, 2022
The Selfless Act of Breathing is the lyrically-written story of Michael Kabongo, a Congolese-Brit, battling mental health challenges after experiencing a loss. He decides to travel to the US for “one last adventure.” Michael is not sure he wants to live, and this book digs deep into his inner thoughts and turmoil.
Told between the past set in London and the present in the US, this story goes there in terms of depression and suicide. What stands out most is how a dark, taboo topic can be written about in a beautiful, poetic style. Maybe books like this one will help dispel taboos regarding mental health and mental illness?
Michael’s story is a richly emotional journey, and it’s a bit open-ended in ways, which will allow the reader to reflect and come to their own conclusions.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
Told between the past set in London and the present in the US, this story goes there in terms of depression and suicide. What stands out most is how a dark, taboo topic can be written about in a beautiful, poetic style. Maybe books like this one will help dispel taboos regarding mental health and mental illness?
Michael’s story is a richly emotional journey, and it’s a bit open-ended in ways, which will allow the reader to reflect and come to their own conclusions.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
October 5, 2023
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: I tried to commit suicide in 2014. It was a very low point in my life. It was fortunate that my life didn't end because of the disordered thinking...a woman named Julie made a fortuitous call as I was beginning the process and sent the police to intervene...so I am here to write this review. This is also why I wanted to review this book, given the narrator's plan to end his life when his savings were blown. (Side note: Howinahell did he get so far on a lousy $9000?!)
It's not clear to me why the topic of suicide isn't a trigger for reupping the suicidal ideation machine in me. I can read about the deeply depressed and the suicidal in novels and feel so much compassion, so much sympathy...but no desire to emulate them, only to reach out to them and say "this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." I've gone through a lot of introspective stuff (CBT works!) and think of the idea of death as, well, honestly it's undisturbing to me. Neither attractive nor repulsive, just a fact. And the manner of Michael, our PoV character, making his decision to go blow his money then die rang memory bells. "This final act, then nothingness" probably sounds better to the truly suicidally depressed than more emotionally overwrought ideation does.
Michael addresses us in the parts of the book set in London. He's fully present, he's struggling to do his teaching job well, and he's floundering in grief deeper than even he can tell...grief too deep to be solely about a recent loss. Michael's decision to leave for the US with that paltry $9000 and live until it runs out (he'd be in Delaware Water Gap, New Jersey, not San Francisco!) is narrated in third person, a choice I took to be representative of his dissociation from the life he was abandoning and refusal to invest in the life he was going to exist through in the US. It wasn't a choice I felt did the story any great service. I think it probably just confused most readers. And I'm not all the way sure I am correct in my analysis, there are other possibilities but I can't make one up that makes the least bit of sense to me except the dissociation one.
What elevates this debut novel above the pack it comes out with is the lovely poetical aphoristic phrase making:
The author might be making his fiction debut (correction this is the author's second novel, after 2017's No Place to Call Home) but he's an established poet (Elevate and Daughter of the Sun among others) and it's ever so clear that his phrases will sound gorgeous when spoken aloud. That is also, to be frank, the issue that led to me docking a star off the story's subjective rating: It's performative, it's got an eye on its look in the mirror of your regard. It is, in other words, like poetry is to me: phonied up, heightened, exaggerated to make some point that I think you, O Writer, should trust me to get all on my own. If, that is, you've done your part of the job....
What I hope you'll do is sample the book. Put a bit on your Kindle and see if the way the author slings the lingo hits your sweet spot. If so, there's nothing to prevent you from enjoying the book in its entirety. The first chapters are a good index for the voice the entire book has. While I'm here today because suicide didn't turn out to be the best option for me, this is not an apologia for the act or I'd tell you to avoid it. What leads a person to consider suicide: depression, a sense of alienation from the world around them, a loneliness that pervades this world of exclusion and judgment...all this is the subject of Author Bola's work.
This is an elegant distillation of the greyness of depression and the desperation of feeling it's endless because you've got no perspective where this isn't what you see...all of that is very, very real and very salutary for all of those whose world doesn't have it anywhere (all five of you) to get into your brains. It could make your empathy bumps bigger, spread your hugging arms wider, and tune up your "there, there, my friend" to a fresher pitch.
My Review: I tried to commit suicide in 2014. It was a very low point in my life. It was fortunate that my life didn't end because of the disordered thinking...a woman named Julie made a fortuitous call as I was beginning the process and sent the police to intervene...so I am here to write this review. This is also why I wanted to review this book, given the narrator's plan to end his life when his savings were blown. (Side note: Howinahell did he get so far on a lousy $9000?!)
It's not clear to me why the topic of suicide isn't a trigger for reupping the suicidal ideation machine in me. I can read about the deeply depressed and the suicidal in novels and feel so much compassion, so much sympathy...but no desire to emulate them, only to reach out to them and say "this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." I've gone through a lot of introspective stuff (CBT works!) and think of the idea of death as, well, honestly it's undisturbing to me. Neither attractive nor repulsive, just a fact. And the manner of Michael, our PoV character, making his decision to go blow his money then die rang memory bells. "This final act, then nothingness" probably sounds better to the truly suicidally depressed than more emotionally overwrought ideation does.
Michael addresses us in the parts of the book set in London. He's fully present, he's struggling to do his teaching job well, and he's floundering in grief deeper than even he can tell...grief too deep to be solely about a recent loss. Michael's decision to leave for the US with that paltry $9000 and live until it runs out (he'd be in Delaware Water Gap, New Jersey, not San Francisco!) is narrated in third person, a choice I took to be representative of his dissociation from the life he was abandoning and refusal to invest in the life he was going to exist through in the US. It wasn't a choice I felt did the story any great service. I think it probably just confused most readers. And I'm not all the way sure I am correct in my analysis, there are other possibilities but I can't make one up that makes the least bit of sense to me except the dissociation one.
What elevates this debut novel above the pack it comes out with is the lovely poetical aphoristic phrase making:
We fight to be seen, for the world to know that we are here, only for us to be forgotten, to be invisible once again.
–and–
Have you ever loved, knowing it would end, but giving your whole heart regardless?
–and–
The thing about losing love is makes you feel like you can never love again, like you are not worthy.
–and–
Loneliness is being there for everyone, everyone, in the hope that someone will be there for you. But no one ever is. You are the sun, lighting the world of another, while setting yourself on fire.
–and–
And above all, it is love, that spark of bright light, that dazzling flame, ephemeral or eternal, may it find us, may it be us, the will that carries us forward, the bond that brings us back, from beyond this lonely feeling to healing; the selfless act of breathing.
The author might be making his fiction debut (correction this is the author's second novel, after 2017's No Place to Call Home) but he's an established poet (Elevate and Daughter of the Sun among others) and it's ever so clear that his phrases will sound gorgeous when spoken aloud. That is also, to be frank, the issue that led to me docking a star off the story's subjective rating: It's performative, it's got an eye on its look in the mirror of your regard. It is, in other words, like poetry is to me: phonied up, heightened, exaggerated to make some point that I think you, O Writer, should trust me to get all on my own. If, that is, you've done your part of the job....
What I hope you'll do is sample the book. Put a bit on your Kindle and see if the way the author slings the lingo hits your sweet spot. If so, there's nothing to prevent you from enjoying the book in its entirety. The first chapters are a good index for the voice the entire book has. While I'm here today because suicide didn't turn out to be the best option for me, this is not an apologia for the act or I'd tell you to avoid it. What leads a person to consider suicide: depression, a sense of alienation from the world around them, a loneliness that pervades this world of exclusion and judgment...all this is the subject of Author Bola's work.
This sadness, how it falls upon you, like mist or fog, not there, then sudden and all at once; a greyness, enveloping you, submerged under water. This sadness in your bones, each step heavier than the last raises questions: how much longer is this journey? How much longer can I walk?
This is an elegant distillation of the greyness of depression and the desperation of feeling it's endless because you've got no perspective where this isn't what you see...all of that is very, very real and very salutary for all of those whose world doesn't have it anywhere (all five of you) to get into your brains. It could make your empathy bumps bigger, spread your hugging arms wider, and tune up your "there, there, my friend" to a fresher pitch.
August 5, 2021
4.5 Stars
’they said
You came
looking for me
I didn’t drown
I was the water’
-Jo Nketiah
A heartbreaking story of life, love and loss set in London, San Francisco, Los Angeles and New York.
This story begins in London as Michael Kabongo, a teacher who seems to be popular with all, a popular, much loved teacher among his students as well as the other teachers and staff. His mother left the Congo for the UK hoping for a safer life, one without the violence that took the life of his father.
As time passes, Michael’s struggles with the life he is living vs. some unsaid life he feels he should be living. Something with more meaning, or perhaps changing lives beyond his classroom. As the world seems to be heading backwards in accepting that the colour of one’s skin doesn’t indicate how worthy one is of love or a life worth living. His hopes for his students, for all, is an end to both the atrocities that take the lives of young Black men everywhere.
He makes a decision to start his life over in America, believing that life will be better, easier there, and he heads to San Francisco, where he can fashion a new life, free of the pain of memories.
He quits his job, and takes his entire savings with him, a total of $9,021. He doesn’t specifically know how long that will last him, only that it will last him the rest of his life. That’s his plan.
This story goes back and forth through time, and his journey will take him to many places, and will introduce him to many people and different ways of life than he has encountered before, but his resolve never changes. It is a heartbreaking story in many ways, and not only for him but for some of the people that he meets on his journey. For others he is a beacon of light, if only momentarily.
A journey of life, of finding our way through sorrow, pain, and reaching for the light.
Pub Date: 02 Nov 2021
Many thanks for the ARC provided by Atria Books
August 26, 2021
First, this is a very well written book in terms of J.J. Bola’s ability to write beautiful prose without it being over the top. I was not surprised to learn afterwards that the author has published three books of poetry. Despite this, this was overall only a so-so read for me.
I could not connect with the protagonist, Michael, even though he is a good guy. Even with all the introspection on Michael’s part, I didn’t feel like I knew him. Why did he feel the way he felt? Why did he do the things he did? What was he like in his earlier years?
I also did not like the way the novel is organized. There are two timelines, confusing timelines, that jump back and forth but without dates. Furthermore, though Michael is the protagonist throughout, the London timeline is told in 1st person and the USA timeline in 3rd person. Why is that? I think it could have just as well been written in one timeline with a consistent narrative. That would have made it far less disorienting to me.
Then there is the last chapter. It puzzled me more than anything. There is some enthralling prose, but also a huge hole in some decision-making and an inconceivable event that left me wondering. I was devoid of tears.
Despite these issues, the book held my interest and moves along at a decent pace. It also speaks of depression and suicide in a lyrical manner that is simply exquisite. I do think many readers will love this novel, so I encourage people to try it themselves before deciding against it.
I would like to thank Net Galley, Maudee Genao of Atria Books, and J.J. Bola for an ARC of the novel. Opinions are mine alone and are not biased in any way.
I could not connect with the protagonist, Michael, even though he is a good guy. Even with all the introspection on Michael’s part, I didn’t feel like I knew him. Why did he feel the way he felt? Why did he do the things he did? What was he like in his earlier years?
I also did not like the way the novel is organized. There are two timelines, confusing timelines, that jump back and forth but without dates. Furthermore, though Michael is the protagonist throughout, the London timeline is told in 1st person and the USA timeline in 3rd person. Why is that? I think it could have just as well been written in one timeline with a consistent narrative. That would have made it far less disorienting to me.
Then there is the last chapter. It puzzled me more than anything. There is some enthralling prose, but also a huge hole in some decision-making and an inconceivable event that left me wondering. I was devoid of tears.
Despite these issues, the book held my interest and moves along at a decent pace. It also speaks of depression and suicide in a lyrical manner that is simply exquisite. I do think many readers will love this novel, so I encourage people to try it themselves before deciding against it.
I would like to thank Net Galley, Maudee Genao of Atria Books, and J.J. Bola for an ARC of the novel. Opinions are mine alone and are not biased in any way.
February 27, 2022
$9021
Michael Kabongo, is a teacher living in London. Who after a loss, decides that he is going to use the money he has left in his bank account, travel to America and end his life. HEAVY.
The book goes back and forth telling Michael's story from his time in London and his time in America. On the surface he appears happy, but you never know what is hidden inside. Because inside, Michael is coping with depression and other issues. It's a reminder that just because someone has a smile on their face does not mean they are happy. Michael has a lot of things going on in his mind, and things he is dealing with. He yearns for a better life, a different life...
What happens when he gets to America?
This book is lyrical and beautifully written. Plus, that title! I loved it. But this is not a happy-go-lucky book. It deals with tough subjects. A book where a character is contemplating ending his life, will be triggering for some.
I would give 5 stasr for the writing alone. It blew me away and I found myself highlighting huge sections. Having said that, I wasn't as impressed with the plot. It felt very strange for me to love the writing and yet, not love the book. Also, I love getting lost in a book, but I don't love getting lost because it's difficult to figure out the time and place of a book.
Overall, I would put this in the liked not loved category for me.
Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley who provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All the thoughts and opinions are my own.
Read more of my reviews at www.openbookposts.com
Michael Kabongo, is a teacher living in London. Who after a loss, decides that he is going to use the money he has left in his bank account, travel to America and end his life. HEAVY.
The book goes back and forth telling Michael's story from his time in London and his time in America. On the surface he appears happy, but you never know what is hidden inside. Because inside, Michael is coping with depression and other issues. It's a reminder that just because someone has a smile on their face does not mean they are happy. Michael has a lot of things going on in his mind, and things he is dealing with. He yearns for a better life, a different life...
What happens when he gets to America?
This book is lyrical and beautifully written. Plus, that title! I loved it. But this is not a happy-go-lucky book. It deals with tough subjects. A book where a character is contemplating ending his life, will be triggering for some.
I would give 5 stasr for the writing alone. It blew me away and I found myself highlighting huge sections. Having said that, I wasn't as impressed with the plot. It felt very strange for me to love the writing and yet, not love the book. Also, I love getting lost in a book, but I don't love getting lost because it's difficult to figure out the time and place of a book.
Overall, I would put this in the liked not loved category for me.
Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley who provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All the thoughts and opinions are my own.
Read more of my reviews at www.openbookposts.com
October 31, 2021
When the author uses this quote to start a book, prepared to be ruined, They said you came looking for me. I didn't drown; I was the water"- Jo Nketiah Also...the the title was a dead giveaway.
This book is being marketed as a mash up of Transcendent Kingdom and A Man Called Over and I think its doing the book a disserve, I think this Open Water and Transcendent Kingdom had a baby... The Selfless Act of Breathing would be the child. This is my way of saying... it's a beautiful child that you MUST READ!
This is such a beautiful debut, Bola has a way with words where they get under your skin, and stay there. I was so moved by how the author handled Michael story, it was nuanced, fresh, engaging, and truly beautiful, I think everyone should read this book.
We meet Michael, a young teacher at a high school in London. He is loved by his students, his co-worker enjoys his company, his best friend loves him, he still lives with his mother and can barely save enough after he gets paid. While he is doing was well as can be, for a long time he's felt like he doesn't have the will to go on. He continues to push through those feelings- even when his mother brings home the pastor and asks for his blessing for them to get married. After a traumatic experience, things finally pushes him to leave it all behind... and that's where the story starts, with these lines, "I quit my job; I am taking my life savings, $9,021, and when it runs out, I am going to kill myself."
With an opener like that, prepare for the unexpected. To leave London, head to LA and all over the USA... but what happens when the life savings runs out? Well... read to find out.
I cannot wait to read what Bola writes next. Loneliness is a topic I feel we don't talk a lot about and Bola did it with heart and nuance. Michael experience is so layered, being a Black teacher in London, from Immigrant parents, being raised by his mother who expects so much of him, including going to church regularly. I really did not want the book to end. What a beautiful read.
Below are some of of the quotes from the book I absolutely LOVED!
We fight to be seen, for the world to know that we are here, only for us to be forgotten, to be invisible once again.
Have you ever loved, knowing it would end, but giving your whole heart regardless?
She loved books in a different way than I; they brought her back into the world but helped me escape.
The thing about losing love is makes you feel like you can never love again, like you are not worthy.
It reminds him of the Caribbean restaurants in Dalston or Tottenham High Road, and how there's always something endearing about the way the servers behind the counter never smile at you, or the way they tell you, "we nuh ave that," and yet you keep coming back because you love it.
Loneliness is being there for everyone, everyone, in the hope that someone will be there for you. But no one ever is. You are the sun, lighting the world of another, while setting yourself on fire.
And above all, it is love, that spark of bright light, that dazzling flame, ephemeral or eternal, may it find us, may it be us, the will that carries us forward, the bond that brings us back, from beyond this lonely feeling to healing; the selfless act of breathing.
This book is being marketed as a mash up of Transcendent Kingdom and A Man Called Over and I think its doing the book a disserve, I think this Open Water and Transcendent Kingdom had a baby... The Selfless Act of Breathing would be the child. This is my way of saying... it's a beautiful child that you MUST READ!
This is such a beautiful debut, Bola has a way with words where they get under your skin, and stay there. I was so moved by how the author handled Michael story, it was nuanced, fresh, engaging, and truly beautiful, I think everyone should read this book.
We meet Michael, a young teacher at a high school in London. He is loved by his students, his co-worker enjoys his company, his best friend loves him, he still lives with his mother and can barely save enough after he gets paid. While he is doing was well as can be, for a long time he's felt like he doesn't have the will to go on. He continues to push through those feelings- even when his mother brings home the pastor and asks for his blessing for them to get married. After a traumatic experience, things finally pushes him to leave it all behind... and that's where the story starts, with these lines, "I quit my job; I am taking my life savings, $9,021, and when it runs out, I am going to kill myself."
With an opener like that, prepare for the unexpected. To leave London, head to LA and all over the USA... but what happens when the life savings runs out? Well... read to find out.
I cannot wait to read what Bola writes next. Loneliness is a topic I feel we don't talk a lot about and Bola did it with heart and nuance. Michael experience is so layered, being a Black teacher in London, from Immigrant parents, being raised by his mother who expects so much of him, including going to church regularly. I really did not want the book to end. What a beautiful read.
Below are some of of the quotes from the book I absolutely LOVED!
We fight to be seen, for the world to know that we are here, only for us to be forgotten, to be invisible once again.
Have you ever loved, knowing it would end, but giving your whole heart regardless?
She loved books in a different way than I; they brought her back into the world but helped me escape.
The thing about losing love is makes you feel like you can never love again, like you are not worthy.
It reminds him of the Caribbean restaurants in Dalston or Tottenham High Road, and how there's always something endearing about the way the servers behind the counter never smile at you, or the way they tell you, "we nuh ave that," and yet you keep coming back because you love it.
Loneliness is being there for everyone, everyone, in the hope that someone will be there for you. But no one ever is. You are the sun, lighting the world of another, while setting yourself on fire.
And above all, it is love, that spark of bright light, that dazzling flame, ephemeral or eternal, may it find us, may it be us, the will that carries us forward, the bond that brings us back, from beyond this lonely feeling to healing; the selfless act of breathing.
February 13, 2022
Touched a nerve Mr. Bola, and this teacher’s heart…
⏰ 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫: Michael (Brit of Congolese descent) is a beloved teacher who seemingly has a great life in London, but behind it all, he harbors a deep, dark relentless depression. He decides to end his life when his savings ends - in America. He embarks on a journey across the country that’s an end, not a beginning, yet still manages to find moments of peace and light in the dark, dimming, dwindling days.
💡𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬: From the first page, author J.J. Bola wants the reader to see Michael separate, all the way to the telling of the story - dual viewpoints: first person from Michael in London versus third person Michael in America, almost as if the moment he arrives in the U.S., a disconnect is established and someone else has to tell his painful story. It IS painful. And raw. And REAL.
I’m a teacher and I suffer from depression and man…. Bola brings alllllll those feels to the surface. Every. Moment.
While others will say this novel is “depressing”, I counter that THIS. IS. REAL. Maybe people NEED to be made uncomfortable. Maybe y’all NEED to know what this looks and feels like because I’ll tell you this - I am the Robin Williams of teaching, happy every day cracking jokes like endless eggs, NEVER down and yup, behind my eyes swims depression - a voice that tells me I’m a horrible teacher, an even more unlovable human being, and undeserving of anything positive. How’s that for REAL?
And on that note - the Holocaust is depressing too, but it’s worth the uncomfortable book ride. TAKE this ride. BE uncomfortable and have uncomfortable conversations. Because that’s what saved me.
My depression is managed and thanks to a brilliant therapist and a fabulous support system - I have the coping skills to function through these feelings. It never stops the feelings - those are always there, and I live WITH them. They are my constant companions, unwelcome and intrusive and part of who I am, a person I now love more than hate, whom I see value in more than worthlessness, and who I grow to love more rather than less. If you are reading this and need help PLEASE call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀 𝗮𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗦𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆𝗠𝗮𝗴𝘀.𝗰𝗼𝗺 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.
📚𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Contemporary Fiction, topic of interest mental health.
😍𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨: Everyone who has suffered from mental illness, has a loved one with mental illnesses, or simply wants to walk the proverbial mile of a man who does.
🙅♀️ 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨: If you’re triggered or in too dark of a place, this could be too much.
Thank you to the author, NetGalley and Atria Books for my advanced copy in exchange for my always-honest review and for the beauty that is this book.
⏰ 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫: Michael (Brit of Congolese descent) is a beloved teacher who seemingly has a great life in London, but behind it all, he harbors a deep, dark relentless depression. He decides to end his life when his savings ends - in America. He embarks on a journey across the country that’s an end, not a beginning, yet still manages to find moments of peace and light in the dark, dimming, dwindling days.
💡𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬: From the first page, author J.J. Bola wants the reader to see Michael separate, all the way to the telling of the story - dual viewpoints: first person from Michael in London versus third person Michael in America, almost as if the moment he arrives in the U.S., a disconnect is established and someone else has to tell his painful story. It IS painful. And raw. And REAL.
I’m a teacher and I suffer from depression and man…. Bola brings alllllll those feels to the surface. Every. Moment.
While others will say this novel is “depressing”, I counter that THIS. IS. REAL. Maybe people NEED to be made uncomfortable. Maybe y’all NEED to know what this looks and feels like because I’ll tell you this - I am the Robin Williams of teaching, happy every day cracking jokes like endless eggs, NEVER down and yup, behind my eyes swims depression - a voice that tells me I’m a horrible teacher, an even more unlovable human being, and undeserving of anything positive. How’s that for REAL?
And on that note - the Holocaust is depressing too, but it’s worth the uncomfortable book ride. TAKE this ride. BE uncomfortable and have uncomfortable conversations. Because that’s what saved me.
My depression is managed and thanks to a brilliant therapist and a fabulous support system - I have the coping skills to function through these feelings. It never stops the feelings - those are always there, and I live WITH them. They are my constant companions, unwelcome and intrusive and part of who I am, a person I now love more than hate, whom I see value in more than worthlessness, and who I grow to love more rather than less. If you are reading this and need help PLEASE call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀 𝗮𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗦𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆𝗠𝗮𝗴𝘀.𝗰𝗼𝗺 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.
📚𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Contemporary Fiction, topic of interest mental health.
😍𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨: Everyone who has suffered from mental illness, has a loved one with mental illnesses, or simply wants to walk the proverbial mile of a man who does.
🙅♀️ 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨: If you’re triggered or in too dark of a place, this could be too much.
Thank you to the author, NetGalley and Atria Books for my advanced copy in exchange for my always-honest review and for the beauty that is this book.
November 4, 2021
I love the title: The Selfless Act of Breathing. Breathing is something we do unconsciously. And it’s important to do so because if we stop breathing we die. It’s as simple as that. But what if we don’t want to breath anymore?
Michael is a Congolese British teacher and seems to have it all: friends, a love interest, a wonderful job. But he’s tired all the time and looks up to everything. After a loss, he becomes depressed, and decides to flee to America, wanting to end his life once his savings run out.
The writing of this heartfelt story is engaging and lyrical, almost like prose. I could quote so many beautiful sentences, all giving food for thought. Alternating between present and past, The Selfless Act of Breathing slowly reveals more and more about Michael’s depression. By using present tense, third person in the present and past tense, first person in the past, the story is active and never boring.
This sadness, how it falls upon you, like mist or fog, not there, then sudden and all at once; a greyness, enveloping you, submerged under water. This sadness in your bones, each step heavier than the last raises questions: how much longer is this journey? How much longer can I walk?
This book is not only about depression and wanting to die. It’s also about being born in another country, about belonging, about loneliness, about being Black, about losing loved ones, about masculinity, and finally about hope. Although the themes are heavy, and the writing is lyrical, this story is very easy readable. I read it in a couple of sittings. Highly recommended!
I received an ARC from Little Brown Books UK and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Michael is a Congolese British teacher and seems to have it all: friends, a love interest, a wonderful job. But he’s tired all the time and looks up to everything. After a loss, he becomes depressed, and decides to flee to America, wanting to end his life once his savings run out.
The writing of this heartfelt story is engaging and lyrical, almost like prose. I could quote so many beautiful sentences, all giving food for thought. Alternating between present and past, The Selfless Act of Breathing slowly reveals more and more about Michael’s depression. By using present tense, third person in the present and past tense, first person in the past, the story is active and never boring.
This sadness, how it falls upon you, like mist or fog, not there, then sudden and all at once; a greyness, enveloping you, submerged under water. This sadness in your bones, each step heavier than the last raises questions: how much longer is this journey? How much longer can I walk?
This book is not only about depression and wanting to die. It’s also about being born in another country, about belonging, about loneliness, about being Black, about losing loved ones, about masculinity, and finally about hope. Although the themes are heavy, and the writing is lyrical, this story is very easy readable. I read it in a couple of sittings. Highly recommended!
I received an ARC from Little Brown Books UK and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
August 25, 2021
Point blank: I did not like this book.
Cons:
1. Chapter headlines. I hated that that the dates were not revealed. instead we get a location and a random time?? This might seem trivial to others but I really don’t think it is due to my utter confusion at the end? Knowing when Michael was in London vs when Michael was in Brooklyn (for example) would just really have helped immerse a reader into this specific world.
2. Dissociative narrator/narration. Part of the book, Michael directly narrates the story, but then, for the other portion, there is a third person narrator/FID situation. I don’t get it. I don’t like it. I don’t feel like I truly know Michael or his motives this way. His actions just don’t really align with his feelings primarily which, to me, feels like a result of the change in narration.
3. The portrayal of depression. I’m getting mixed vibes from what was intentional and what was just poor storytelling/writing. On one hand, there is this dragged out, mundane, DEPRESSING portrayal of depression which could be a sort of meta moment. And so, if that was deliberate—GREAT. If not… meh. However, on the other hand, what Michael is doing is so far fetched from those actually suffering from depression. Who just has the money to fly OVERSEAS to another country with their life’s savings and go city to city (or potentially country to country) AND they’re depressed?! It’s just unrealistic. It just doesn’t make sense. I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to fathom it.
4. Underdeveloped secondary characters. What is the point of Jalil? Sandra? The other teachers? Other in he states? They don’t seem to actually push or forward the protagonist, story, or plot, etc. in any valuable way. They certainly don’t have value on their own. It all just seems like a setup on Bola’s end for a situation without truly connecting to and/or influencing Michael’s actions and/or inner/outer world. They’re just random conversations to me. But again, I don’t know if this is a deliberate portrayal of normal friendship or just bad writing? I feel that since I’m posing that question it’s likely the latter.
5. The title/the end. I just don’t believe that suicide = selfish and not choosing suicide = selfless. That’s a very dated viewpoint and a cheap way to end a novel.
Pros:
1. Prose. Bola has some very poetic moments of prose. I did end up taking note of several beautiful lines throughout it the novel. That’s nice.
2. Relatability. Throughout reading this book, I went through several life changes and had a few epiphanies. I, too, quit my job (also a teaching position). I, too, felt alone. I,too, have been/am depressed. While I did relate to the story in spurts, I don’t relate to Michael. See con #2. So I guess this ultimately is a con? I feel like I relate to the depressed, nihilistic inner dialogue rather than to a fully fleshed character meaning those thoughts to wholly feel like they come from Michael.
At the end of it all, this book is just soooo underdeveloped and flat. It’s only semi-interesting. Tragically, I’m left wanting, needing so much more than what i was given, and with several unanswered questions such as:
What was the solution to Michael’s problem? How did he know? What was his thought process? He didn’t need medication? Therapy? How did Michael even get back home without any money? Why did he come back home? Didn’t he want to stay in New York? Didn’t he want to die?
I do think that this could be a nuanced portrayal of depression but there just needs to be m o r e and it needs to be restructured.
ARC provided by Atria Books and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
*Too lazy to check for errors. Y’all still understand me.
Cons:
1. Chapter headlines. I hated that that the dates were not revealed. instead we get a location and a random time?? This might seem trivial to others but I really don’t think it is due to my utter confusion at the end? Knowing when Michael was in London vs when Michael was in Brooklyn (for example) would just really have helped immerse a reader into this specific world.
2. Dissociative narrator/narration. Part of the book, Michael directly narrates the story, but then, for the other portion, there is a third person narrator/FID situation. I don’t get it. I don’t like it. I don’t feel like I truly know Michael or his motives this way. His actions just don’t really align with his feelings primarily which, to me, feels like a result of the change in narration.
3. The portrayal of depression. I’m getting mixed vibes from what was intentional and what was just poor storytelling/writing. On one hand, there is this dragged out, mundane, DEPRESSING portrayal of depression which could be a sort of meta moment. And so, if that was deliberate—GREAT. If not… meh. However, on the other hand, what Michael is doing is so far fetched from those actually suffering from depression. Who just has the money to fly OVERSEAS to another country with their life’s savings and go city to city (or potentially country to country) AND they’re depressed?! It’s just unrealistic. It just doesn’t make sense. I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to fathom it.
4. Underdeveloped secondary characters. What is the point of Jalil? Sandra? The other teachers? Other in he states? They don’t seem to actually push or forward the protagonist, story, or plot, etc. in any valuable way. They certainly don’t have value on their own. It all just seems like a setup on Bola’s end for a situation without truly connecting to and/or influencing Michael’s actions and/or inner/outer world. They’re just random conversations to me. But again, I don’t know if this is a deliberate portrayal of normal friendship or just bad writing? I feel that since I’m posing that question it’s likely the latter.
5. The title/the end. I just don’t believe that suicide = selfish and not choosing suicide = selfless. That’s a very dated viewpoint and a cheap way to end a novel.
Pros:
1. Prose. Bola has some very poetic moments of prose. I did end up taking note of several beautiful lines throughout it the novel. That’s nice.
2. Relatability. Throughout reading this book, I went through several life changes and had a few epiphanies. I, too, quit my job (also a teaching position). I, too, felt alone. I,too, have been/am depressed. While I did relate to the story in spurts, I don’t relate to Michael. See con #2. So I guess this ultimately is a con? I feel like I relate to the depressed, nihilistic inner dialogue rather than to a fully fleshed character meaning those thoughts to wholly feel like they come from Michael.
At the end of it all, this book is just soooo underdeveloped and flat. It’s only semi-interesting. Tragically, I’m left wanting, needing so much more than what i was given, and with several unanswered questions such as:
What was the solution to Michael’s problem? How did he know? What was his thought process? He didn’t need medication? Therapy? How did Michael even get back home without any money? Why did he come back home? Didn’t he want to stay in New York? Didn’t he want to die?
I do think that this could be a nuanced portrayal of depression but there just needs to be m o r e and it needs to be restructured.
ARC provided by Atria Books and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
*Too lazy to check for errors. Y’all still understand me.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 3, 2021
This book digs deep into depression, despair, isolation, and lack of hope. Michael is a teacher in London who finds it more and more difficult to function normally. He is grown, but still lives with his mother. He is wrapped in despair and becomes increasingly hopeless. He resigns his job, takes all his life savings, and goes to America, the land of the free, to travel until his money runs out, and then he plans to die, thinking then he will finally be at peace. His travel journey is interesting and he has some adventures and meets interesting people, even finds some romance. Michael must decide if life is worth living.
This is a sad, depressing book; however it is written in beautiful prose. Bola has published poetry previously and I'm sure that carries over into this novel. Michael's story is told in two timelines that go back and forth from London to America - it shifts back and forth with no dates, so I had trouble with the disjointedness. There were also some questions I had that I felt were pertinent to the book that were not answered - that's why I'm giving it three stars instead of four.
Thanks to Atria Books through Netgalley for an advance copy. This book will be published on February 15,2022.
This is a sad, depressing book; however it is written in beautiful prose. Bola has published poetry previously and I'm sure that carries over into this novel. Michael's story is told in two timelines that go back and forth from London to America - it shifts back and forth with no dates, so I had trouble with the disjointedness. There were also some questions I had that I felt were pertinent to the book that were not answered - that's why I'm giving it three stars instead of four.
Thanks to Atria Books through Netgalley for an advance copy. This book will be published on February 15,2022.
January 20, 2022
Beautiful and heartbreaking. This one hurt. It is honestly painfully emotional. I would not recommend it to anyone who is feeling down just to protect mental health. That being said it is a great story that when in the right emotional state is a touching read.
February 8, 2022
Book Review
The Selfless Act of Breathing
J.J. Bola
reviewed by Lou Jacobs
readersremains.com | Goodreads
A lyrically beautiful written journey on contemplating a failure at self-actualization. Michael Kabongo is a British-Congolese inner-city teacher living in London. Although he appears beloved by his students and co-workers, and is the pride and joy of his immigrant mother, he is plagued by a sense of hopelessness.
Michael is overwhelmed and feels impotent to the suffering and injustices that surrounds him. Whether it be the violence and brutality that engulfs black men, refugees, and women in general, or the inability to make a meaningful change in the life of his students. He is also haunted by memories of his father’s mysterious violent death and its repercussions growing up without him. Michael’s escalating sense of dread, despair, and depression is stagnating his life and relationships and resulting in overwhelming pain and angst. His solution involves quitting his job, emptying his bank account, and fleeing to America—the mythical “land of the free.” He contemplates a spontaneous journey across America, with new friends and faces and adventures and possible loves.
His journey starts out with his racing to make a flight to San Francisco from London. From there, the tale alternates between London (told in first person) and his journey across America (told in third person); incrementally unfolding are his thoughts and motivations. At the end of each America chapter readers see his dwindling bank account remnant. Michael expects when his money is exhausted, so will be his life—anticipating his ultimate death.
J.J. Bola crafts a lyrical narrative whose prose frequently drifts into the poetic. The reader frequently will stop and re-read passages to enjoy the eloquent prose and message. The extremely descriptive prose effortlessly entraps the reader in the emotional narrative and the unexpected denouement. Bola explores a heady mix of themes: racism, gender bias, violence, relationships, friendships, and love.
Thanks to NetGalley and Atria Books for providing an Uncorrected Proof in exchange for an honest review.
The Selfless Act of Breathing
J.J. Bola
reviewed by Lou Jacobs
readersremains.com | Goodreads
A lyrically beautiful written journey on contemplating a failure at self-actualization. Michael Kabongo is a British-Congolese inner-city teacher living in London. Although he appears beloved by his students and co-workers, and is the pride and joy of his immigrant mother, he is plagued by a sense of hopelessness.
Michael is overwhelmed and feels impotent to the suffering and injustices that surrounds him. Whether it be the violence and brutality that engulfs black men, refugees, and women in general, or the inability to make a meaningful change in the life of his students. He is also haunted by memories of his father’s mysterious violent death and its repercussions growing up without him. Michael’s escalating sense of dread, despair, and depression is stagnating his life and relationships and resulting in overwhelming pain and angst. His solution involves quitting his job, emptying his bank account, and fleeing to America—the mythical “land of the free.” He contemplates a spontaneous journey across America, with new friends and faces and adventures and possible loves.
His journey starts out with his racing to make a flight to San Francisco from London. From there, the tale alternates between London (told in first person) and his journey across America (told in third person); incrementally unfolding are his thoughts and motivations. At the end of each America chapter readers see his dwindling bank account remnant. Michael expects when his money is exhausted, so will be his life—anticipating his ultimate death.
J.J. Bola crafts a lyrical narrative whose prose frequently drifts into the poetic. The reader frequently will stop and re-read passages to enjoy the eloquent prose and message. The extremely descriptive prose effortlessly entraps the reader in the emotional narrative and the unexpected denouement. Bola explores a heady mix of themes: racism, gender bias, violence, relationships, friendships, and love.
Thanks to NetGalley and Atria Books for providing an Uncorrected Proof in exchange for an honest review.
August 29, 2021
Thank you to Book Club Favorites at Simon and Schuster for the free copy for review. This book publishes November 2, 2021.
3 stars
A novel of loneliness, worthlessness and suicide ideation. From the UK to American to live life large, until his money runs out.
One half of the story line is what leads up to Michael Kabongo yearning for a better life and leaving the UK for America. His teaching job, his mother and his lackluster dating life. The other half of the story line is his travels in the US. Who he meets, how he manages and how quickly his money runs out.
The writing is good and the story premise unlike anything else I have read. The one drawback I found was the chapter headings. Each heading gives you a specific place and a time of the day, however it fails to give you a date. I was not sure that each story line was on a linear path nor in what sequence. So moving between the two did give pause as to exactly where in time each chapter happened.
3 stars
A novel of loneliness, worthlessness and suicide ideation. From the UK to American to live life large, until his money runs out.
One half of the story line is what leads up to Michael Kabongo yearning for a better life and leaving the UK for America. His teaching job, his mother and his lackluster dating life. The other half of the story line is his travels in the US. Who he meets, how he manages and how quickly his money runs out.
The writing is good and the story premise unlike anything else I have read. The one drawback I found was the chapter headings. Each heading gives you a specific place and a time of the day, however it fails to give you a date. I was not sure that each story line was on a linear path nor in what sequence. So moving between the two did give pause as to exactly where in time each chapter happened.
February 21, 2022
At first, the writing felt disjointed and odd because of the chapters alternating between first and third person narration. It did get some time to get used to but I got past it eventually.
This book gave me all the melancholy feels so definitely make sure you’re in a good headspace before reading it.
The Selfless Act of Breathing follows Michael who leaves London to go on an adventure in the USA. Once his savings run out, he will end his life. From San Francisco to Dallas to Chicago to New York - Michael parties with friends, has sporadic romances, and splurges his money without any efforts of trying to save it.
The writing was so beautiful, I highlighted so many sentences and even whole paragraphs. I may consider buying this novel to add to my shelf. This book is really powerful as Michael feels so real and his feelings are heartbreaking but relatable.
Some of the book did get boring with some of the random characters as they felt a little underdeveloped but that didn’t bug me so much since Michael was a strong character. Overall, I really enjoyed this novel. Thank you so much to Atria for an advanced copy of this book.
This book gave me all the melancholy feels so definitely make sure you’re in a good headspace before reading it.
The Selfless Act of Breathing follows Michael who leaves London to go on an adventure in the USA. Once his savings run out, he will end his life. From San Francisco to Dallas to Chicago to New York - Michael parties with friends, has sporadic romances, and splurges his money without any efforts of trying to save it.
The writing was so beautiful, I highlighted so many sentences and even whole paragraphs. I may consider buying this novel to add to my shelf. This book is really powerful as Michael feels so real and his feelings are heartbreaking but relatable.
Some of the book did get boring with some of the random characters as they felt a little underdeveloped but that didn’t bug me so much since Michael was a strong character. Overall, I really enjoyed this novel. Thank you so much to Atria for an advanced copy of this book.
March 19, 2022
2.5 ⭐️
This was one of my most anticipated releases of the year, and unfortunately it was very difficult for me to even finish.
The Selfless Act of Breathing is a literary fiction novel about a depressed Congolese-British teacher who decides to move to America, spend all his money, and then k*ll himself.
As someone who has personally experienced depression, I do think some of the descriptions of how hopeless it feels are *very* accurate.
”Listen to my words, I want to die, yet I speak not as a man who wants to die, but as a man who wants to live, and dying is the only way I know how.”
The prose was overly lyrical for my taste. I typically LOVE reading extremely descriptive and flowery language, but it has to have some intention. The author seemed incapable of writing one sentence without including a simile or metaphor, and it became excessive. I could skim pages at a time and miss nothing important, and I think that’s one of the reasons it was hard to keep my interest. It became very philosophical and I felt disconnected from both the plot and the characters.
So much of this book read like monologues or long rants (that sound good on paper but were written as dialogue.. which felt stilted and unnatural) about a very wide range of topics (racism, love, the marginalization of black men, working in education, drug abuse, and more). I just think it tried to tackle too much.
I also didn’t like the way the main character interacted with any of the women in his life. The only people he treated with autonomy, respect, and compassion… were men. He dates a sex worker at one point, and it’s ridiculous how shocked he is that she can cook and clean and has an office job… why is that surprising?? Come on.
The ending was also so unsatisfying. We went through this long journey and I saw minimal (if any) growth in the main character, and then it ended abruptly the way it did?? It just didn’t seem to line up with what we had been given from the rest of the book.
I think the author is very talented, and I think I would enjoy reading a different type of project from him, particularly poetry. His prose is beautiful but it didn’t work for me in a novel format. I didn’t find the characters to be compelling, and I thought the ending was almost dismissive. I’m not sure if it was meant to be, but it was not the hopeful story I was expecting.
Thank you to Atria and netgalley for an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
This was one of my most anticipated releases of the year, and unfortunately it was very difficult for me to even finish.
The Selfless Act of Breathing is a literary fiction novel about a depressed Congolese-British teacher who decides to move to America, spend all his money, and then k*ll himself.
As someone who has personally experienced depression, I do think some of the descriptions of how hopeless it feels are *very* accurate.
”Listen to my words, I want to die, yet I speak not as a man who wants to die, but as a man who wants to live, and dying is the only way I know how.”
The prose was overly lyrical for my taste. I typically LOVE reading extremely descriptive and flowery language, but it has to have some intention. The author seemed incapable of writing one sentence without including a simile or metaphor, and it became excessive. I could skim pages at a time and miss nothing important, and I think that’s one of the reasons it was hard to keep my interest. It became very philosophical and I felt disconnected from both the plot and the characters.
So much of this book read like monologues or long rants (that sound good on paper but were written as dialogue.. which felt stilted and unnatural) about a very wide range of topics (racism, love, the marginalization of black men, working in education, drug abuse, and more). I just think it tried to tackle too much.
I also didn’t like the way the main character interacted with any of the women in his life. The only people he treated with autonomy, respect, and compassion… were men. He dates a sex worker at one point, and it’s ridiculous how shocked he is that she can cook and clean and has an office job… why is that surprising?? Come on.
The ending was also so unsatisfying. We went through this long journey and I saw minimal (if any) growth in the main character, and then it ended abruptly the way it did?? It just didn’t seem to line up with what we had been given from the rest of the book.
I think the author is very talented, and I think I would enjoy reading a different type of project from him, particularly poetry. His prose is beautiful but it didn’t work for me in a novel format. I didn’t find the characters to be compelling, and I thought the ending was almost dismissive. I’m not sure if it was meant to be, but it was not the hopeful story I was expecting.
Thank you to Atria and netgalley for an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
August 4, 2021
I'd like to thank the publisher for an arc of this book. In exchange, here is my honest review.
J.J. Bola knows how to use words well, he winds them in a rhythmic pattern that reads like a smooth silken ribbon, flowing effortlessly from one sentence to the next. I am not surprised given Bola's back catalogue of poetry. There are some sections in this book where the poetic rhythm is so strong that it actually withdrew me from the story itself, holding me at arm's length because I was too focused on the text and not the substance of it.
In fact, I felt that this book held me at arm's length most of the story. I was only riding along with Michael as he went through his thoughts, his emotions, the difficulties in life, but I didn't connect to him. I didn't feel anything for him. I was just a witness. I found that this book was easy for me to put down, to ignore for a few days, and then to pick back up when I came across it and remembered I should read it to give it a review before it was published.
There were also long stretches of dialogue where I lost track of who was talking, and I wanted to know more about the scene. I wanted to see the people's faces as they spoke, and I wanted a description of what they were doing. Here things were lacking for me. For someone who can write so beautifully, I was hungry for more description.
I think Bola is a gifted wordsmith, and I would read a book by him again. I just did not connect with this one on the level that I like to in a book.
A question I had about the book below:
J.J. Bola knows how to use words well, he winds them in a rhythmic pattern that reads like a smooth silken ribbon, flowing effortlessly from one sentence to the next. I am not surprised given Bola's back catalogue of poetry. There are some sections in this book where the poetic rhythm is so strong that it actually withdrew me from the story itself, holding me at arm's length because I was too focused on the text and not the substance of it.
In fact, I felt that this book held me at arm's length most of the story. I was only riding along with Michael as he went through his thoughts, his emotions, the difficulties in life, but I didn't connect to him. I didn't feel anything for him. I was just a witness. I found that this book was easy for me to put down, to ignore for a few days, and then to pick back up when I came across it and remembered I should read it to give it a review before it was published.
There were also long stretches of dialogue where I lost track of who was talking, and I wanted to know more about the scene. I wanted to see the people's faces as they spoke, and I wanted a description of what they were doing. Here things were lacking for me. For someone who can write so beautifully, I was hungry for more description.
I think Bola is a gifted wordsmith, and I would read a book by him again. I just did not connect with this one on the level that I like to in a book.
A question I had about the book below:
August 15, 2024
This flew by, the pacing was almost perfect but then the narrative lost me. Some good stuff in here but few and far between. You can tell his love of poetry maybe I should seek out his collection.
September 13, 2021
Yeah! If you didn’t know that JJ Bola had poetry in his wheelhouse, it will become clear to you after reading this very good novel filled with poetic prose, he writes in such a lyrical manner. This novel takes a surface look at depression, anxiety, and mental illness. The examination of mental illness is handled in a way that is different from how mental illness and depression is normally displayed in fiction.
Michael is at his wits end. He has decided he wants to have the ultimate freedom. He just doesn’t want to deal with life anymore. You don’t get the sense that he wants to desperately take his own life, but it feels more like he really wouldn’t mind falling down a deep hole never to be heard from again. ”I was a soul much more prone to my solitude. Not everyone seeks love, some seek quiet, seek peace. I slowly distanced myself from those around me and returned into the quiet where I had been all along. Where I long to be.”
On the surface Michael seems to have a good life, he’s a good teacher, has good friendships, money in the bank, what more could one want. Well, Michael takes all his money and decides to visit America from his home in London, with a plan, when his money runs out so will his life. So he boards a plane to California, visits Chicago and New York, enjoying some experiences and all the while the finances are dwindling, which means we are surely headed to a suicidal end, or are we? No spoilers from me, you’ll have to read it for yourself. At times sad, but not an overall sad novel, very entertaining and bravely rendered.
One thing that was a minor irritant was starting each chapter with a time and place but no date. What’s the point? The novel doesn’t move linearly, and that’s evident from the second chapter. So it moves back and forth across continents and in time. It is sometimes disorienting to write in this way, but my best guess is JJ Bola wanted us to be inside the mind of Michael, so the ultimate execution was a winner and this is a book, not to be missed.
Michael is at his wits end. He has decided he wants to have the ultimate freedom. He just doesn’t want to deal with life anymore. You don’t get the sense that he wants to desperately take his own life, but it feels more like he really wouldn’t mind falling down a deep hole never to be heard from again. ”I was a soul much more prone to my solitude. Not everyone seeks love, some seek quiet, seek peace. I slowly distanced myself from those around me and returned into the quiet where I had been all along. Where I long to be.”
On the surface Michael seems to have a good life, he’s a good teacher, has good friendships, money in the bank, what more could one want. Well, Michael takes all his money and decides to visit America from his home in London, with a plan, when his money runs out so will his life. So he boards a plane to California, visits Chicago and New York, enjoying some experiences and all the while the finances are dwindling, which means we are surely headed to a suicidal end, or are we? No spoilers from me, you’ll have to read it for yourself. At times sad, but not an overall sad novel, very entertaining and bravely rendered.
One thing that was a minor irritant was starting each chapter with a time and place but no date. What’s the point? The novel doesn’t move linearly, and that’s evident from the second chapter. So it moves back and forth across continents and in time. It is sometimes disorienting to write in this way, but my best guess is JJ Bola wanted us to be inside the mind of Michael, so the ultimate execution was a winner and this is a book, not to be missed.
July 12, 2021
I started reading this book and put it down. It wasn’t clicking with me. I am so glad I picked it back up and gave it another try! Mr Bola writes so beautifully, so poetically. I connected with Michael deeply. I have dealt with depression for a couple decades and have had thoughts similar to those of Michael. Days where you want it all to just end. Days you don’t want to live your life, or even get out of bed. It is a dark place that is difficult to describe to someone who hasn’t been there, but JJ Bola has done it! Well done, sir! The final page had me sobbing…just beautifully written.
January 23, 2023
This is the type of book everyone should read at least once in their life, it’s so thoughtful, and eye opening to the struggles of mental health, to the struggles refugee families and poc who struggle with their identity, it tackles what it’s like to love and hope and how to deal with the overwhelming existence that is our human life, im so glad i read this and it was just what i needed, the author has a way of making you feel good enough and understood through this book.
“You ever wish that you could die...but without all of the dying? he says. Like, not die, but just cease to exist, disappear, be invisible, every trace of your life, even the memories of you in other people's hearts and minds, all gone”
“You ever wish that you could die...but without all of the dying? he says. Like, not die, but just cease to exist, disappear, be invisible, every trace of your life, even the memories of you in other people's hearts and minds, all gone”
February 24, 2023
This book might have the best opening sentence I have ever read -
“𝙄 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙟𝙤𝙗; 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨, $9,021, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙪𝙩, 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛”
I don’t know how you cannot be automatically intrigued after that.
‘The Selfless Act of Breathing’ by JJ Bola follows Michael Kabongo, a young British Congolese teacher struggling to continue his life. We find him as he has recently quit his job and booked a one-way ticket to America to spend the rest of his life savings. We also go back in time to learn more about the life he is attempting to leave behind.
Michael is someone who from the outside perspective would not appear to be struggling as deeply as he is. On paper, he is well educated, has a career, friends, a caring mother, etc. but the story shows how we often perceive what someone who is struggling looks like and often we are wrong and they are blending in plain sight.
JJ does a beautiful job showcasing the dichotomy of living two lives — the life you portray and then the life that is inside your head. It was emotional following Michael as he struggles with the grief, alienation, hopelessness, and the weight of being a teacher.
“𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚, 𝙈𝙞𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙚𝙡. 𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩. 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩, 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩; 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛. 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙞𝙩𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙤𝙪𝙩."
Even though this story is heavy each chapter in America ends with a diminishing number in his saving — a literal doomsday countdown. It also shows how hope and love are vital to survival and what happens when someone feels they have lost it.
What a journey this was! I won’t spoil the ending but I would recommend and I hope the message of this story finds the right person at the right time.
Thank you so much Atria for the gifted copy!
“𝙄 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙟𝙤𝙗; 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨, $9,021, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙪𝙩, 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛”
I don’t know how you cannot be automatically intrigued after that.
‘The Selfless Act of Breathing’ by JJ Bola follows Michael Kabongo, a young British Congolese teacher struggling to continue his life. We find him as he has recently quit his job and booked a one-way ticket to America to spend the rest of his life savings. We also go back in time to learn more about the life he is attempting to leave behind.
Michael is someone who from the outside perspective would not appear to be struggling as deeply as he is. On paper, he is well educated, has a career, friends, a caring mother, etc. but the story shows how we often perceive what someone who is struggling looks like and often we are wrong and they are blending in plain sight.
JJ does a beautiful job showcasing the dichotomy of living two lives — the life you portray and then the life that is inside your head. It was emotional following Michael as he struggles with the grief, alienation, hopelessness, and the weight of being a teacher.
“𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚, 𝙈𝙞𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙚𝙡. 𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩. 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩, 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩; 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛. 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙞𝙩𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙤𝙪𝙩."
Even though this story is heavy each chapter in America ends with a diminishing number in his saving — a literal doomsday countdown. It also shows how hope and love are vital to survival and what happens when someone feels they have lost it.
What a journey this was! I won’t spoil the ending but I would recommend and I hope the message of this story finds the right person at the right time.
Thank you so much Atria for the gifted copy!
May 23, 2022
This is a sweet yet often depressing look at life and one man's continual struggle to find meaning and happiness in existence. Michael is a high school teacher in London but decides to leave suddenly for the US as he is despondent and relives the trauma of his father's death too often. He decides that when he runs out of money (and he has less than $10,000) he will kill himself. And so we are off with him on his journey to find peace before his death. Lots of adventures and people, some lovely, some crazy/offbeat. It's a journey you don't want to have to take yourself, so lean into his! This was such an incredibly different novel than mainstream but it kept me entranced as I rooted for Michael to find something more meaningful than death. A heartbreakingly lovely debut! Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC!
April 3, 2023
It's an important topic that it covers. Depression, suicide, etc.
I listened to this on audiobook, and just found it hard to follow the storyline.
I listened to this on audiobook, and just found it hard to follow the storyline.
August 19, 2022
Sounded like a book I could get into. First adult fiction book I tried to read. Just couldn’t get into it. Maybe because I have so many books to read and didn’t have the time. Still a solid debut though and the dialogue was clear throughout.
October 21, 2023
Absolutely stunning. Hit me right in the feels.
October 3, 2023
A very different book in its style, and I can see why some reviewers didn't get on with it but personally I loved it. The author is a poet and the writing is beautiful.
He paints a very real picture of the parts of London in the book and I was more absorbed with that half of the story than the US side.
Read as part of Shelterbox bookclub
He paints a very real picture of the parts of London in the book and I was more absorbed with that half of the story than the US side.
Read as part of Shelterbox bookclub
August 27, 2021
**goodreads giveaway***
This was legitimately painful for me to read. I unfortunately had a lot more that I didn’t like than I did, which was pretty much just the overall topic and premise. Things I didn’t like include:
-I hated that there was no date in the chapter headings and only a time and location. It made it difficult to cohesively put the story together and seemed gimmicky more than helpful to the reader
-The alternation between first person and third person narration. This may have done in an attempt to portray the the idea of disassociation or just as a way to separate time or location (I stopped keeping track, but in part one US=third person and England=first person) but the purpose didn’t come across well and actually made it even harder to follow than just not having dates/a cohesive timeline.
-How much the story dragged. When this happened it wasn’t telling the story of depression and distorted views of tome and the environment, it was just dragging on and focusing multiple pages on mundanely unnecessary pieces like a house that was burned in a fire…
-The overall theme. As someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past and has had a sibling commit suicide, I was really angered by the “lesson” being the archaic idea that suicide is selfish. The root of that belief comes from a time in society when it was believed that mental illness was a choice. So choosing it as a theme for a book coming out in 2021, when mental illness is finally being given a platform to be better understood by larger society, felt like a giant leap backwards.
I really thought I would like this book based on the topic and overall plot, but it seemed less like a depiction of depression and suicide and more like an artistic attempt to make it desirable.
This was legitimately painful for me to read. I unfortunately had a lot more that I didn’t like than I did, which was pretty much just the overall topic and premise. Things I didn’t like include:
-I hated that there was no date in the chapter headings and only a time and location. It made it difficult to cohesively put the story together and seemed gimmicky more than helpful to the reader
-The alternation between first person and third person narration. This may have done in an attempt to portray the the idea of disassociation or just as a way to separate time or location (I stopped keeping track, but in part one US=third person and England=first person) but the purpose didn’t come across well and actually made it even harder to follow than just not having dates/a cohesive timeline.
-How much the story dragged. When this happened it wasn’t telling the story of depression and distorted views of tome and the environment, it was just dragging on and focusing multiple pages on mundanely unnecessary pieces like a house that was burned in a fire…
-The overall theme. As someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past and has had a sibling commit suicide, I was really angered by the “lesson” being the archaic idea that suicide is selfish. The root of that belief comes from a time in society when it was believed that mental illness was a choice. So choosing it as a theme for a book coming out in 2021, when mental illness is finally being given a platform to be better understood by larger society, felt like a giant leap backwards.
I really thought I would like this book based on the topic and overall plot, but it seemed less like a depiction of depression and suicide and more like an artistic attempt to make it desirable.
September 9, 2021
This was such a beautiful, lyrical piece of writing. that follows a Congolese-British Londoner who decides to go on one last adventure in the United States, determined to end his life once his savings run out.
I enjoyed the words, the thoughts, and the feelings that went into this story so much. But I just didn't feel as much as I had hoped I would. It was such a heartbreaking and sad premise - but Michael was a bit of an enigma to me. But maybe that was the point?
It was really hard to connect with Michael - we barely "meet" him and don't know much about him as we are kind of thrown into the story and left to put the pieces together about his life through snippets of experiences. He was sort of a stranger - even by time I finished the book, I felt like I still didn't know him well. The story jumped around a lot between place and time that I couldn't fully immerse myself into what was happening.
I also felt like the big "reveal" as to what he was struggling with was very difficult to understand - as to why he was so depressed and sad. I do understand sometimes there doesn't need to be a big reason - but the direction of the story seemed to hint that there was.
I think the plot was very surface level and it added a lot of confusion as to who Michael was and what he was feeling. I wish there had been more internal character development. And I just couldn't figure out how he made it so far and did so many things - knowing basically no-one and with so little money. So many questions and mystery - that was never really answered.
I did read it very fast though. The writing was phenomenal and I did enjoy the story - I just wish we weren't thrown into the thick of it to figure out all the pieces and how they fit together.
I enjoyed the words, the thoughts, and the feelings that went into this story so much. But I just didn't feel as much as I had hoped I would. It was such a heartbreaking and sad premise - but Michael was a bit of an enigma to me. But maybe that was the point?
It was really hard to connect with Michael - we barely "meet" him and don't know much about him as we are kind of thrown into the story and left to put the pieces together about his life through snippets of experiences. He was sort of a stranger - even by time I finished the book, I felt like I still didn't know him well. The story jumped around a lot between place and time that I couldn't fully immerse myself into what was happening.
I also felt like the big "reveal" as to what he was struggling with was very difficult to understand - as to why he was so depressed and sad. I do understand sometimes there doesn't need to be a big reason - but the direction of the story seemed to hint that there was.
I think the plot was very surface level and it added a lot of confusion as to who Michael was and what he was feeling. I wish there had been more internal character development. And I just couldn't figure out how he made it so far and did so many things - knowing basically no-one and with so little money. So many questions and mystery - that was never really answered.
I did read it very fast though. The writing was phenomenal and I did enjoy the story - I just wish we weren't thrown into the thick of it to figure out all the pieces and how they fit together.
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