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Діти екранів. Як узяти найкорисніше і мінімізувати шкоду в цифрову епоху
Ви бачите, як син чи донька годинами залипають у смартфоні, але нічого не можете вдіяти. Слова «А в нашому дитинстві такого не було», накази у стилі «Поклади телефон!» чи радикальні спроби покарати днями без смартфона тільки псують стосунки. Знайомо?
То як же вберегти сучасну дитину від «заекрання»? Як застерегти підлітка від кібербулінгу чи цифрової залежності та реагувати на секстинг або відеоігри? Як убезпечити сина чи доньку від порівняння з іншими, шкідливих сайтів і навіть депресії?
Авторка цієї книжки допомагає батькам глибше розуміти цифрові виклики і скеровувати дітей у конструктивному напрямку. Адже в технологій є і світлий бік: спілкування з однолітками, групи підтримки й корисні навички, які можна здобути завдяки онлайн-іграм.
То як же вберегти сучасну дитину від «заекрання»? Як застерегти підлітка від кібербулінгу чи цифрової залежності та реагувати на секстинг або відеоігри? Як убезпечити сина чи доньку від порівняння з іншими, шкідливих сайтів і навіть депресії?
Авторка цієї книжки допомагає батькам глибше розуміти цифрові виклики і скеровувати дітей у конструктивному напрямку. Адже в технологій є і світлий бік: спілкування з однолітками, групи підтримки й корисні навички, які можна здобути завдяки онлайн-іграм.
272 pages, Hardcover
Published October 1, 2021
72 people are currently reading
927 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
July 22, 2019
This was a really well-researched, digestible book with actionable strategies for helping your kid navigate social media. Although I'm a few years away with my kids, I have some anxiety about what will happen when they get their own phones and this book gave me a totally different (and much needed) perspective on how to handle this stage. Instead of feeling nervous I now feel empowered to help my kids be responsible technology users Highly recommend!!
Thank you Tarcher Perigee for the free copy of this book.
Thank you Tarcher Perigee for the free copy of this book.
July 22, 2019
If you’ve ever wished you had a sensible friend with your best interest at heart AND the expertise to explain how teenage brains experience our digital world, well, now you do.
Thank you to the publisher for sending me an advance copy of this book. It’s helped me to face The Fear I feel for my kids every time I encounter a new internet horror story.
Each chapter takes on a scenario you’ve heard about on the news (cyberbullying, videogame addiction, online predators, etc.) and explains what’s it really like for the teen or tween at the center of it, as well as the actual likelihood of your own kid encountering that situation. With that context, the author provides parents with tools—specific questions to consider, conversations to have, and actions to take so that our kids can enjoy the benefits of growing up digital without ending up on the evening news.
Required reading. Thank you for this book!
Thank you to the publisher for sending me an advance copy of this book. It’s helped me to face The Fear I feel for my kids every time I encounter a new internet horror story.
Each chapter takes on a scenario you’ve heard about on the news (cyberbullying, videogame addiction, online predators, etc.) and explains what’s it really like for the teen or tween at the center of it, as well as the actual likelihood of your own kid encountering that situation. With that context, the author provides parents with tools—specific questions to consider, conversations to have, and actions to take so that our kids can enjoy the benefits of growing up digital without ending up on the evening news.
Required reading. Thank you for this book!
November 23, 2021
Як добре, що українською видають такі потрібні книжки! Для мене "Діти екранів" одразу після прочитання переходить у категорію "настільних книг", бо інтернет і соцмережі трохи лякають мене як маму, а так хочеться навчити своїх дітей бути обачними не тільки в реальному житті, але й віртуальному. В цій книжці є багато цікавих порад і підказок, впевнена, що вони стануть в пригоді нашій сім'ї в майбутньому, коли діти підростуть.
April 30, 2021
Just the book I needed right now.
July 25, 2019
Great book with solid, practical advice for parents to help their kids navigate and stay safe in today's digital world.
July 24, 2019
My son recently discovered Minecraft. We have had a number of unnerving conversations about the various uses for rotten flesh. He has built a hotel and enchanted a number of pigs. He is 6 years old. I was not prepared.
Three years ago, I left my corporate job as a technical writer and became an instructor at a community college. In almost every class that I teach, I fight for attention with 25 screens. Phones buzz and beep and steal my instructional thunder. Again, I felt clueless.
How do I thread the tech needle? How do I give my kids (the one at home and the ones in the classroom) access to what they need while safeguarding them from what they don’t need on the big, scary Internet?
Julianna Miner has some answers.
Miner, an adjunct professor of global and community health at George Mason University, has written Raising a Screen Smart Kid: Embrace the Good and Avoid the Bad in the Digital Age.
As someone who readily dives into philosophical rabbit holes and often finds herself in too deep to dig her way back out, I appreciate Miner’s practical approach to helping families navigate the digital world. She spends at least as much time offering guidance as she does philosophizing about issues. Her insight into how young people use technology is thoughtful and evidence- based. But parents, caretakers, and mentors need help putting that insight and evidence into practice. Here, Miner saves the day. She explains the psychology behind certain online behaviors, and she ends each chapter ends with a list of takeaways, including questions for readers to ask of themselves or their family (“Why do you think your child should have a phone or computer?”) and simple steps to improve their family’s overall tech health (“Give lots of warnings that a transition is coming, for example, ‘We’re turning this off in five minutes.’”).
Miner addresses many of our biggest digital anxieties: online relationships, gaming, ADHD, bullying, self-esteem, and more. But her tone is optimistic. She emphasizes that mentoring, much more than monitoring, will help young people to navigate the tricky world of life online. Grownups, Miner points out, must own up to their own online habits and model healthy behavior for the kids in their lives.
This book is a surprisingly easy and engaging read, which is not often the case with research-based parenting tomes. But when Miner is not teaching, she is writing for her successful and hilarious blog, Rants from Mommyland. Her openness, coupled with her strong humorist writing chops, adds a warm, engaging touch to a book that tackles such a thorny subject. She shares personal stories of her own adolescent misadventures and of arguments with her own teens.
I especially appreciated a story she shared about her son, a seventh grader who longs to have an Instagram account:
“I mean, I know my kid, and I know what’s best for him is to wait another year. But with that choice comes very real social consequences. And he has to pay them, not me. This is a trade-off I’m making for him, and frankly it feels like a no-win situation. If I let him get on social media early, I run the risk of his encountering a situation that he may not be able to handle. If I don’t allow him on social media early, he runs the risk of being excluded from a big group of kids. As if middle school weren’t hard enough.”
She gets it. She’s one of us. But Miner comes prepared -- with a boatload of data and the know-how to harness that data. As parents, caretakers, and mentors, we can’t sanitize the World Wide Web, but with Miner’s advice, we can help our kids navigate those murky waters safely.
Three years ago, I left my corporate job as a technical writer and became an instructor at a community college. In almost every class that I teach, I fight for attention with 25 screens. Phones buzz and beep and steal my instructional thunder. Again, I felt clueless.
How do I thread the tech needle? How do I give my kids (the one at home and the ones in the classroom) access to what they need while safeguarding them from what they don’t need on the big, scary Internet?
Julianna Miner has some answers.
Miner, an adjunct professor of global and community health at George Mason University, has written Raising a Screen Smart Kid: Embrace the Good and Avoid the Bad in the Digital Age.
As someone who readily dives into philosophical rabbit holes and often finds herself in too deep to dig her way back out, I appreciate Miner’s practical approach to helping families navigate the digital world. She spends at least as much time offering guidance as she does philosophizing about issues. Her insight into how young people use technology is thoughtful and evidence- based. But parents, caretakers, and mentors need help putting that insight and evidence into practice. Here, Miner saves the day. She explains the psychology behind certain online behaviors, and she ends each chapter ends with a list of takeaways, including questions for readers to ask of themselves or their family (“Why do you think your child should have a phone or computer?”) and simple steps to improve their family’s overall tech health (“Give lots of warnings that a transition is coming, for example, ‘We’re turning this off in five minutes.’”).
Miner addresses many of our biggest digital anxieties: online relationships, gaming, ADHD, bullying, self-esteem, and more. But her tone is optimistic. She emphasizes that mentoring, much more than monitoring, will help young people to navigate the tricky world of life online. Grownups, Miner points out, must own up to their own online habits and model healthy behavior for the kids in their lives.
This book is a surprisingly easy and engaging read, which is not often the case with research-based parenting tomes. But when Miner is not teaching, she is writing for her successful and hilarious blog, Rants from Mommyland. Her openness, coupled with her strong humorist writing chops, adds a warm, engaging touch to a book that tackles such a thorny subject. She shares personal stories of her own adolescent misadventures and of arguments with her own teens.
I especially appreciated a story she shared about her son, a seventh grader who longs to have an Instagram account:
“I mean, I know my kid, and I know what’s best for him is to wait another year. But with that choice comes very real social consequences. And he has to pay them, not me. This is a trade-off I’m making for him, and frankly it feels like a no-win situation. If I let him get on social media early, I run the risk of his encountering a situation that he may not be able to handle. If I don’t allow him on social media early, he runs the risk of being excluded from a big group of kids. As if middle school weren’t hard enough.”
She gets it. She’s one of us. But Miner comes prepared -- with a boatload of data and the know-how to harness that data. As parents, caretakers, and mentors, we can’t sanitize the World Wide Web, but with Miner’s advice, we can help our kids navigate those murky waters safely.
December 10, 2021
This is going to be a book study among teachers in our district, but it is definitely a book for parents rather than teachers, so I question the need for such a book study as PD.
As a parent, you will learn, sort of, how important screen time is for kids and teens, how all screen time is different, how much of a risk screen time and certain online behavior is for teens in developing a slew of negative affects and becoming victims and also how to help your team navigate having an online life by basically being a great parent. You'll hear about healthy uses of technology and how useful and important a phone is to your child's reputation and well being. It does not vilify the phone.
I don't know if it's because of my profession and what I read professionally, but there was absolutely nothing new, shocking, or enlightening in this. I didn't learn about behaviors, feelings, or trends of teens online and with their devices that I didn't fully already understand. Advice was solid and perhaps helpful, and it was all the exact kind of parenting advice every parent has been given for 20 years in general: talk to your child, be a source of guidance and a role model, develop trust, set appropriate limits, pay attention, have mutual respect, love your child, be present, have a family meal every night (that's an exaggeration, but you get the idea) etc. All this stuff that is common sense and works for good parents raising happy, healthy, kids. Basically, this is a reminder to excellent, strong parents to continue to be awesome in the realm of technology as well. It works for some families. If you have problems already with your kids and your parenting, this book will be as useful to you as any other parenting self-help book. The advice is common sense, best-case scenario kinds of advice that is nothing novel and revolutionary. Oh, I should make it so that my child opens up to me about everything in his life? Okay! I never thought of developing a trusting, loving, relationship like that! Good thing I read this.
I think the book was okay and I'd give it 2 stars for how I reacted to it, but I think the book MAY be valuable to other parents. I like how Miner encourages parents to think about how they will handle XY and Z before they happen so that they don't have a knee-jerk reaction to take the phone away (which is detrimental); I'd have liked to have had that common-sense advice ahead of time. There IS some good, specific advice in here for parents, and it may just be that I'm less impressed because I've heard it all before and so much of it doesn't work if you have a problematic relationship with your teen to begin with. What works in theory doesn't work for all families.
As a book for teachers? I'd say almost none of this applies to the classroom. It is helpful if you have young children ready to enter the world of having their own devices and how to proactively raise a screen-smart kid. It does not apply to media literacy education in school, and what can be applicable to digital citizenship education in the classroom is more easily accessible at Common Sense Media.
As a parent, you will learn, sort of, how important screen time is for kids and teens, how all screen time is different, how much of a risk screen time and certain online behavior is for teens in developing a slew of negative affects and becoming victims and also how to help your team navigate having an online life by basically being a great parent. You'll hear about healthy uses of technology and how useful and important a phone is to your child's reputation and well being. It does not vilify the phone.
I don't know if it's because of my profession and what I read professionally, but there was absolutely nothing new, shocking, or enlightening in this. I didn't learn about behaviors, feelings, or trends of teens online and with their devices that I didn't fully already understand. Advice was solid and perhaps helpful, and it was all the exact kind of parenting advice every parent has been given for 20 years in general: talk to your child, be a source of guidance and a role model, develop trust, set appropriate limits, pay attention, have mutual respect, love your child, be present, have a family meal every night (that's an exaggeration, but you get the idea) etc. All this stuff that is common sense and works for good parents raising happy, healthy, kids. Basically, this is a reminder to excellent, strong parents to continue to be awesome in the realm of technology as well. It works for some families. If you have problems already with your kids and your parenting, this book will be as useful to you as any other parenting self-help book. The advice is common sense, best-case scenario kinds of advice that is nothing novel and revolutionary. Oh, I should make it so that my child opens up to me about everything in his life? Okay! I never thought of developing a trusting, loving, relationship like that! Good thing I read this.
I think the book was okay and I'd give it 2 stars for how I reacted to it, but I think the book MAY be valuable to other parents. I like how Miner encourages parents to think about how they will handle XY and Z before they happen so that they don't have a knee-jerk reaction to take the phone away (which is detrimental); I'd have liked to have had that common-sense advice ahead of time. There IS some good, specific advice in here for parents, and it may just be that I'm less impressed because I've heard it all before and so much of it doesn't work if you have a problematic relationship with your teen to begin with. What works in theory doesn't work for all families.
As a book for teachers? I'd say almost none of this applies to the classroom. It is helpful if you have young children ready to enter the world of having their own devices and how to proactively raise a screen-smart kid. It does not apply to media literacy education in school, and what can be applicable to digital citizenship education in the classroom is more easily accessible at Common Sense Media.
October 25, 2020
Excellent, practical guide with the research to back the recommendations. I love the focus on Mentoring and Monitoring. If you just monitor your chidren’s tech use, you aren’t preparing them to make wise decisions. If you only mentor, you might not catch in age-appropriate ways when they’re about to really mis-step. The book is about finding the right balance for your family and for each child. The examples and stories flesh out the rationale and helpful tools for discussions and family rules are included.
November 17, 2024
Learnt:
Imaginary audience and the need for young people to rehearse social interactions, getting feedback and Adjusting behaviours accordingly.
That trust, mentoring and supervision comes in different degrees. There's an age appropriateness to what children should be exposed to.
The data, though US centric, was still useful. Learnt quite a bit. Good informative research done for this book!
Imaginary audience and the need for young people to rehearse social interactions, getting feedback and Adjusting behaviours accordingly.
That trust, mentoring and supervision comes in different degrees. There's an age appropriateness to what children should be exposed to.
The data, though US centric, was still useful. Learnt quite a bit. Good informative research done for this book!
January 24, 2021
This is perfect timing for our family. Easy to read and relate to and some interesting ideas about social media use in teens/kids and how it correlates with brain development and typical social development. It also includes a sample contract for kids/parents to use for cell phones and social media.
July 25, 2019
Holy shit this book. I'm so lucky to have scored an advance copy.
First? I don't feel judged. Zero judgment. How many parenting books can you say THAT about? Second? So engaging! Julie mixes in witty anecdotes with all the factual, statistical action so your eyes don't roll back in your head by the seventh bar graph. Third? REAL, ACTIONABLE ADVICE.
In summary? SO GOOD. Go get it.
First? I don't feel judged. Zero judgment. How many parenting books can you say THAT about? Second? So engaging! Julie mixes in witty anecdotes with all the factual, statistical action so your eyes don't roll back in your head by the seventh bar graph. Third? REAL, ACTIONABLE ADVICE.
In summary? SO GOOD. Go get it.
February 15, 2022
These are quotations (and occasionally my notes) from the book to highlight the biggest takeaways. Obviously if you have time to read the full book, I'd highly encourage that.
- (pg. 9)This is a critical point in understanding how parenting culture intersects with kid and tech. I would argue that today, neither in childhood nor in adolescence, do most kids in American have the freedom of the privacy that their parents had at the same age.
- (pg. 21) In essence, I started by shifting my perspective from "monitoring my kids online" to something that felt more like just "parenting my children." Devorah Heitner, a social media expert and the author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, calls this approach 'mentoring, not monitoring.' The latter feels like policing, a job to prevent all the bad things I was afraid of from happening to them. The former is a logical extension of what I was already doing in every other aspect of their lives.
- (pg. 30) Understanding what is 'perfectly rational' behavior on social media for young teens starts with understanding where most kids are in terms of their emotinal and psychological development when they get their first phone or IG account.
- (pg.36) paraphrase... adolescence as a phase of development has some beauty. HEightened senses, magnified emotions - and neuroscience backs this up. As a teen, you have more dopamine receptors, so you get more intense pleasure from things. Hence why so many of us have such strong memories and nostalgia for music, movies, experiences we loved as teens.
- (pg. 43) paraphrase... just because it (social media / tech) is new, doesn't mean we should panic. Everyone said the same thing about dime novels, movies, tv, MTV, etc.
- (pg.53) One thing the research consistently shows is that the teens who use social media the most tend to be the msot unhappy and to have the worst outcomes overall. [but much depends on your specific child, how often they use it, their personality, and what they are doing online]
- (pg.57) One of the most important ways to manage the social media seesaw in regards to FOMO and overall well-being is time. In a 2018 study, researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that reducing time on social media to ten minutes per platform per day showed a decline in symptoms of depression, FOMO, and loneliness. It's important to note that this study didn't ask participatns to give up social media entirely, merely to cut back.
- (pg.61) The relationship between social media and narcissism was aptly described by the term selfie generation, which appeared in the popular press in 2014 and took off from there. Rates of narcissism have increased similar to those of the obesity epidemic over the past 30 years. This tells us two important things. The first is that this is a legitimate problem. The second is that this problem started long before anyone had a smartphone or an Instagram account. The first iPhone was released in 2007, Instagram launched in 2010, and smartphones reached market saturation in the United States around 2012. This means that social media did not cause the increased rates of narcissism that we see today. Perhaps it has worked the other way around. The ever-increasing rates of narcissistic tendencies could have helped create an environment where social media could take root and flourish.
- (pg.81)... Anecdote about a teen forgetting that other parents might be reading a group chat
-(pg.86) The research indicates that the ties between online friends or friendships that take place primarily online, are weaker than the connections in traditional social relationships. In fact, sociologists often refer to them as weak tie versus strong tie relationships.
- (pg. 89) sometimes, the asynchronous nature of online communication is detrimental. It allows kids to overthink situations, to grow, anxious about how they should respond or present themselves. Those inclined to harass their peers of the time and space to really hone the most venomous post. This is sometimes called the cockpit effect, which refers to how fighter pilots can distance themselves from their targets on the ground. When we communicate in person, we're held responsible for the reaction to our words right there on the spot.
- (pg.93) digital and social friendships can also start to feel like a job. It can be a lot of work to keep up with all your friends all the time, and there is definitely pressure to do so. The pressure was mentioned both anecdotally and my interviews and in the research. One common sense media study reported that" many teens express and almost adult like weariness with the pressures of the constant texting and posting involved in their modern lives"
- (pg.103) The facts remain that today's youth are having less sex and significantly fewer partners than their parents did.
- (pg.110) paraphrase ...intention predicts behavior...so just bc your kid is talking about sex or posting sexy pics doesn't mean they are having sex...but watch for cues that intention is shifting bc that's usually a precursor.
- (pg.113) Most kids know that sexting is risky and illegal, and yet some do it anyway. Successful prevention may have more to do with teaching our kids how to withstand pressure from other kids, including their friends and (potential) romantic partners.
- (pg.140) however, it's absolutely possible to have a kid be intently engaged with a game, every time he plays, to the point that he is completely oblivious to the world around him. This does not mean he sees addicted. He could just be hyper focused on what he's doing and need a few minutes to transition from playing to whatever activity comes next, during which time he may be really cranky. Once his brain resets and he moves on to the next thing, he may be fine.
- (pg.155) But what our kids post is only one part of the picture. What they see on their social media feeds is a critically important driver of their choices around things like drugs, alcohol, sexual self-presentation, and self-harm.
- (pg.160) According to Common Sense Media, 54% of kids said they thought their parents checked their devices too much, and 32% felt unimportant when their parents were distracted by their phones. Take a minute and really think about what that says about us collectively.
- (pg.165) The ultimate goal with social media, gaming, and tech use is for kids to be able to self-regulate and use technology in healthy and productive ways, thereby avoiding addiction and problematic use.
- (pg.168) Protective factors to reduce the risk of underage drinking and drug use include teaching refusal skills. Teach kids how to say no in ways that don't come with huge social costs. Remember that risks are often perceived as opportunities by teens anxious to maintain or improve their status within social groups.
- (pg.182) Those who struggle socially and exhibit depressive symptoms are more likely to find that using social media makes them feel worse... [ ] Passive media consumption, or lurking, is also correlated with an increased risk of depression... [ ] All of this information collectively tells us that kids with anxiety and/depression need to limit their tech use. (and need even more help and practice learning how to practice self-care in respect to tech use)
- (pg. 210) When we see teenagers report an increase in conflict online, many researchers assert that it represents a shift in how teens now spend their time [as opposed to justification that there's more bullying]. The conflicts are different, but not new. They've migrated with teens, away from phone calls and arguments at the mall after school to group chats and FaceTime.
- (pg.221) [why author wrote the book] I was less interested in the technology itself, because that's always changing. I wanted to understand the underlying adolescent development and behavioral issues that drive the technology's use, because who kids are and how they grow -- that hasn't changed.
- (pg.231) An app [ such as one that monitors social media or "blocks" things] should never be a substitute for parenting.
- (pg. 9)This is a critical point in understanding how parenting culture intersects with kid and tech. I would argue that today, neither in childhood nor in adolescence, do most kids in American have the freedom of the privacy that their parents had at the same age.
- (pg. 21) In essence, I started by shifting my perspective from "monitoring my kids online" to something that felt more like just "parenting my children." Devorah Heitner, a social media expert and the author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, calls this approach 'mentoring, not monitoring.' The latter feels like policing, a job to prevent all the bad things I was afraid of from happening to them. The former is a logical extension of what I was already doing in every other aspect of their lives.
- (pg. 30) Understanding what is 'perfectly rational' behavior on social media for young teens starts with understanding where most kids are in terms of their emotinal and psychological development when they get their first phone or IG account.
- (pg.36) paraphrase... adolescence as a phase of development has some beauty. HEightened senses, magnified emotions - and neuroscience backs this up. As a teen, you have more dopamine receptors, so you get more intense pleasure from things. Hence why so many of us have such strong memories and nostalgia for music, movies, experiences we loved as teens.
- (pg. 43) paraphrase... just because it (social media / tech) is new, doesn't mean we should panic. Everyone said the same thing about dime novels, movies, tv, MTV, etc.
- (pg.53) One thing the research consistently shows is that the teens who use social media the most tend to be the msot unhappy and to have the worst outcomes overall. [but much depends on your specific child, how often they use it, their personality, and what they are doing online]
- (pg.57) One of the most important ways to manage the social media seesaw in regards to FOMO and overall well-being is time. In a 2018 study, researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that reducing time on social media to ten minutes per platform per day showed a decline in symptoms of depression, FOMO, and loneliness. It's important to note that this study didn't ask participatns to give up social media entirely, merely to cut back.
- (pg.61) The relationship between social media and narcissism was aptly described by the term selfie generation, which appeared in the popular press in 2014 and took off from there. Rates of narcissism have increased similar to those of the obesity epidemic over the past 30 years. This tells us two important things. The first is that this is a legitimate problem. The second is that this problem started long before anyone had a smartphone or an Instagram account. The first iPhone was released in 2007, Instagram launched in 2010, and smartphones reached market saturation in the United States around 2012. This means that social media did not cause the increased rates of narcissism that we see today. Perhaps it has worked the other way around. The ever-increasing rates of narcissistic tendencies could have helped create an environment where social media could take root and flourish.
- (pg.81)... Anecdote about a teen forgetting that other parents might be reading a group chat
-(pg.86) The research indicates that the ties between online friends or friendships that take place primarily online, are weaker than the connections in traditional social relationships. In fact, sociologists often refer to them as weak tie versus strong tie relationships.
- (pg. 89) sometimes, the asynchronous nature of online communication is detrimental. It allows kids to overthink situations, to grow, anxious about how they should respond or present themselves. Those inclined to harass their peers of the time and space to really hone the most venomous post. This is sometimes called the cockpit effect, which refers to how fighter pilots can distance themselves from their targets on the ground. When we communicate in person, we're held responsible for the reaction to our words right there on the spot.
- (pg.93) digital and social friendships can also start to feel like a job. It can be a lot of work to keep up with all your friends all the time, and there is definitely pressure to do so. The pressure was mentioned both anecdotally and my interviews and in the research. One common sense media study reported that" many teens express and almost adult like weariness with the pressures of the constant texting and posting involved in their modern lives"
- (pg.103) The facts remain that today's youth are having less sex and significantly fewer partners than their parents did.
- (pg.110) paraphrase ...intention predicts behavior...so just bc your kid is talking about sex or posting sexy pics doesn't mean they are having sex...but watch for cues that intention is shifting bc that's usually a precursor.
- (pg.113) Most kids know that sexting is risky and illegal, and yet some do it anyway. Successful prevention may have more to do with teaching our kids how to withstand pressure from other kids, including their friends and (potential) romantic partners.
- (pg.140) however, it's absolutely possible to have a kid be intently engaged with a game, every time he plays, to the point that he is completely oblivious to the world around him. This does not mean he sees addicted. He could just be hyper focused on what he's doing and need a few minutes to transition from playing to whatever activity comes next, during which time he may be really cranky. Once his brain resets and he moves on to the next thing, he may be fine.
- (pg.155) But what our kids post is only one part of the picture. What they see on their social media feeds is a critically important driver of their choices around things like drugs, alcohol, sexual self-presentation, and self-harm.
- (pg.160) According to Common Sense Media, 54% of kids said they thought their parents checked their devices too much, and 32% felt unimportant when their parents were distracted by their phones. Take a minute and really think about what that says about us collectively.
- (pg.165) The ultimate goal with social media, gaming, and tech use is for kids to be able to self-regulate and use technology in healthy and productive ways, thereby avoiding addiction and problematic use.
- (pg.168) Protective factors to reduce the risk of underage drinking and drug use include teaching refusal skills. Teach kids how to say no in ways that don't come with huge social costs. Remember that risks are often perceived as opportunities by teens anxious to maintain or improve their status within social groups.
- (pg.182) Those who struggle socially and exhibit depressive symptoms are more likely to find that using social media makes them feel worse... [ ] Passive media consumption, or lurking, is also correlated with an increased risk of depression... [ ] All of this information collectively tells us that kids with anxiety and/depression need to limit their tech use. (and need even more help and practice learning how to practice self-care in respect to tech use)
- (pg. 210) When we see teenagers report an increase in conflict online, many researchers assert that it represents a shift in how teens now spend their time [as opposed to justification that there's more bullying]. The conflicts are different, but not new. They've migrated with teens, away from phone calls and arguments at the mall after school to group chats and FaceTime.
- (pg.221) [why author wrote the book] I was less interested in the technology itself, because that's always changing. I wanted to understand the underlying adolescent development and behavioral issues that drive the technology's use, because who kids are and how they grow -- that hasn't changed.
- (pg.231) An app [ such as one that monitors social media or "blocks" things] should never be a substitute for parenting.
November 2, 2021
Really important stuff here for parents, although it's more applicable when your kids are older. I'll be revisiting this in a few years. I like how the author doesn't say this is how to do things (which is why I sometimes avoid parenting books), but rather gives research-based and anecdotal evidence to present information, and then encourages readers to act based on their family situations and values. She also highlights the good and the bad of technology and teens, including social media and video games. It changed my perspective a bit as well as made me terrified to one day be a father to teenagers.
March 2, 2020
(I always have misgivings about rating a book when the author and I have overlapping social circles, but there you go. I do not know her but she's a local and FaceBook keeps suggesting her to me as a friend even before I checked out this book. We have 3 or 4 mutual FB acquaintances.)
The first 3 chapters of this book were hideously dull, but it got better. Honestly, I resorted to reading the personal stories at the beginning of each chapter, the gray text boxes, the "takeaways" at the end of the chapters" and skimming the rest. I will say that the takeaway portions did not read like a chapter summary, but seemed to contain new information not included in the chapters.
My kids are 9 and 11, and we recently experienced our first case of cyber-bullying and impersonation online. I handled the issue in a manner that was pretty close to what this author recommended, though I didn't drag together the parents of both of the other children and demand an explanation. I can see where it would have either quickly and fully resolved the issue or blown up entirely in my face. Either way, no major lasting trauma but we're a lot more aware of what can actually happen thanks to friends and not just strangers and hopefully will be wiser going forward.
Aside from this, I feel like my kids are a *little* too young to be worrying about this stuff just yet. Maybe in a year or two. A big takeaway is to keep the lines of communication super open and to resist "take away the phone/computer/iPad" for any issue or infraction.
The first 3 chapters of this book were hideously dull, but it got better. Honestly, I resorted to reading the personal stories at the beginning of each chapter, the gray text boxes, the "takeaways" at the end of the chapters" and skimming the rest. I will say that the takeaway portions did not read like a chapter summary, but seemed to contain new information not included in the chapters.
My kids are 9 and 11, and we recently experienced our first case of cyber-bullying and impersonation online. I handled the issue in a manner that was pretty close to what this author recommended, though I didn't drag together the parents of both of the other children and demand an explanation. I can see where it would have either quickly and fully resolved the issue or blown up entirely in my face. Either way, no major lasting trauma but we're a lot more aware of what can actually happen thanks to friends and not just strangers and hopefully will be wiser going forward.
Aside from this, I feel like my kids are a *little* too young to be worrying about this stuff just yet. Maybe in a year or two. A big takeaway is to keep the lines of communication super open and to resist "take away the phone/computer/iPad" for any issue or infraction.
June 1, 2022
How old were you when you first got your own phone? Or started using social media?
I don't think I would be wrong in saying that, like me, most other parents these days would have at least been in their late teens when they did either. In contrast, children nowadays are hitting these milestones, if I may call them that, a lot earlier in life. The title of the first chapter in this book seems to describe this situation perfectly: The Last Analog Dinosaurs Raising the First True Digital Generation.
In Raising a Screen Smart Kid, author Julianna Miner talks of pretty much every conceivable issue connected to the use of digital devices by kids and teens, touching especially on social media use. From video games to online bullying to social comparison, and so many things in between, she offers thoughtful fact-based advice on how parents can help their kids avoid the dangers imposed by social media and digital devices while at the same time reaping the benefits they offer.
Each chapter begins with an account of a child/teen's experience that relates to that specific chapter. The information in the book is drawn from research, interviews and the author's personal observations, all laid out in a well-organised and easy to understand format. I love the "Takeaways" section at the end of each chapter that recounts all the main points discussed.
This is certainly a useful book and one that I will be referring to again as my kids get older and gain more exposure to this digital age we live in.
I don't think I would be wrong in saying that, like me, most other parents these days would have at least been in their late teens when they did either. In contrast, children nowadays are hitting these milestones, if I may call them that, a lot earlier in life. The title of the first chapter in this book seems to describe this situation perfectly: The Last Analog Dinosaurs Raising the First True Digital Generation.
In Raising a Screen Smart Kid, author Julianna Miner talks of pretty much every conceivable issue connected to the use of digital devices by kids and teens, touching especially on social media use. From video games to online bullying to social comparison, and so many things in between, she offers thoughtful fact-based advice on how parents can help their kids avoid the dangers imposed by social media and digital devices while at the same time reaping the benefits they offer.
Each chapter begins with an account of a child/teen's experience that relates to that specific chapter. The information in the book is drawn from research, interviews and the author's personal observations, all laid out in a well-organised and easy to understand format. I love the "Takeaways" section at the end of each chapter that recounts all the main points discussed.
This is certainly a useful book and one that I will be referring to again as my kids get older and gain more exposure to this digital age we live in.
October 31, 2021
The author is not a technology, psychology, or legal expert.
Most of the claims in this book are anecdotal, unsubstantiated and based on speculation.
I found issue with her unsubstantiated claim that "lurkers" (those who scroll without posting) have worse mental health outcomes than active posters on social media. This claim fails to appreciate the impact of negative comments on social media posts.
Personality disorders may manifest through social media, but there is absolutely no evidence that GenX has higher incidence of narcissism than any other generation. Personality disorders have complex origins, and can be caused by genetics or childhood trauma, not by social media.
There is a section where she writes about the inherent benefits of video gaming on a developing mind. Without evidence. Again. I remain unconvinced of the psychological benefits of a video gaming addiction.
The author does not seem to grasp the significance of the role of advertisers on social media platforms. She admits she is unfamiliar with targeted advertisements on social media. The book was desperately needing a section on the proliferation of targeted advertisements and their affect on teen buying behaviors.
Most of the claims in this book are anecdotal, unsubstantiated and based on speculation.
I found issue with her unsubstantiated claim that "lurkers" (those who scroll without posting) have worse mental health outcomes than active posters on social media. This claim fails to appreciate the impact of negative comments on social media posts.
Personality disorders may manifest through social media, but there is absolutely no evidence that GenX has higher incidence of narcissism than any other generation. Personality disorders have complex origins, and can be caused by genetics or childhood trauma, not by social media.
There is a section where she writes about the inherent benefits of video gaming on a developing mind. Without evidence. Again. I remain unconvinced of the psychological benefits of a video gaming addiction.
The author does not seem to grasp the significance of the role of advertisers on social media platforms. She admits she is unfamiliar with targeted advertisements on social media. The book was desperately needing a section on the proliferation of targeted advertisements and their affect on teen buying behaviors.
August 4, 2021
"CURA PERSONALIS" https://youtu.be/VcEOuTn0u2Y
Tema, kasus dan kiat diulas berselang-seling
Video Games, Digital Addiction, dan Bullying
Teen Friendship, Digital Dating, dan Social Media
Itu sekedar contoh topik dari banyak varia
https://www.periplus.com/p/9780143132073
Tekhnologi ibarat pisau dua-mata pada satu bilah
Anak harus semakin mampu memilih dan memilah
Mana yang bertujuan baik, mana yang jahat
Mana yang bermanfaat, mana yang mudarat
Karena setiap anak itu unik dan berbeda
Pendampingan personal selalu mesti ada
Anak akan menjadi screen-smart yang bijak
Karena pendampingan yang tulus tanpa berlagak
https://www.periplus.com/p/9780143132073
Semakin hari anak mesti bertumbuh mandiri
Taruh perhatian padanya lebih sebagai pribadi
Daripada ributin akun medsos dan perangkat gawai
Bantu dia mampu proteksi diri, bijak tidak sekedar pandai
***
Cantiknya pelangi, indahnya salju
Anak terlindungi, Indonesia maju
Disarikan dari: “Raising A Screen Smart Kid”
@juliannawminer
https://www.periplus.com/p/9780143132073
Tema, kasus dan kiat diulas berselang-seling
Video Games, Digital Addiction, dan Bullying
Teen Friendship, Digital Dating, dan Social Media
Itu sekedar contoh topik dari banyak varia
https://www.periplus.com/p/9780143132073
Tekhnologi ibarat pisau dua-mata pada satu bilah
Anak harus semakin mampu memilih dan memilah
Mana yang bertujuan baik, mana yang jahat
Mana yang bermanfaat, mana yang mudarat
Karena setiap anak itu unik dan berbeda
Pendampingan personal selalu mesti ada
Anak akan menjadi screen-smart yang bijak
Karena pendampingan yang tulus tanpa berlagak
https://www.periplus.com/p/9780143132073
Semakin hari anak mesti bertumbuh mandiri
Taruh perhatian padanya lebih sebagai pribadi
Daripada ributin akun medsos dan perangkat gawai
Bantu dia mampu proteksi diri, bijak tidak sekedar pandai
***
Cantiknya pelangi, indahnya salju
Anak terlindungi, Indonesia maju
Disarikan dari: “Raising A Screen Smart Kid”
@juliannawminer
https://www.periplus.com/p/9780143132073
July 24, 2019
This book is about how the digital age is affecting our kids and how to manage it as a parent. I can’t even put well to words the sensation as I have been reading it. It reminds me of the “Home Advisor” commercials where someone asks their neighbor for a home repair recommendation and then expects that person to do all the research and get back to them. That is this book! It’s like I asked my smartest and most trusted and respected friend my questions about the internet and my teens. She then went out, did extensive research, wrote it all down and published it! She even got me an advanced copy so I could read it during my vacation (the only time I seem to have time to read anyway). Seriously! It is informing but relatable with the research I wish I had time to do myself! It’s not preachy and not doom and gloom. It’s thought provoking but more importantly conversation provoking! I highly recommend it!
September 10, 2019
While other books about technology and kids focus on all the bad things that could happen if you even have your child look at a screen, "Raising a Screen-Smart Kid" takes a much more balanced approach.
Author Julianna Miner acknowledges that children use their phones/screens for a reason and rather than forbid these technologies, parents should rather inform themselves about these new apps and social media accounts, have a connection to their children and talk, talk, and talk some more.
Most importantly, "Raising a Screen-Smar Kid" includes the voices of teenagers themselves and I found the most interesting: teens, as it turns out, know what they're doing. Despite their changing brains and bodies, they are not mindless automatons to be controlled at every waking hour. They are aware, smart human beings who might just need a little help sometimes.
And that gave me the most hope.
Author Julianna Miner acknowledges that children use their phones/screens for a reason and rather than forbid these technologies, parents should rather inform themselves about these new apps and social media accounts, have a connection to their children and talk, talk, and talk some more.
Most importantly, "Raising a Screen-Smar Kid" includes the voices of teenagers themselves and I found the most interesting: teens, as it turns out, know what they're doing. Despite their changing brains and bodies, they are not mindless automatons to be controlled at every waking hour. They are aware, smart human beings who might just need a little help sometimes.
And that gave me the most hope.
April 20, 2020
As many of these narratives in this book illustrate, for tweens and teens, there is no distinction between online life and in-person life. There are ways, however, for adults to “mentor” rather than “monitor” to help keep their kids safe, happy, and responsible.
Using a perfect blend of narratives, hard research, and welcome takeaways, this book offers practical advice on how to help tweens and teens make socially responsible decisions, and to use technology for happiness, connection, and a sense of community. Since, as the author points out, we are “raising the first generation of true-digital natives” and at the same time setting the bar for those who will look to us for precedents, turning a blind eye and hoping it all works out is simply not a strategy. If you are a parent of a tween or teen, a school official, or work with this age group, you owe it to yourself to pick up a copy of this guide.
Using a perfect blend of narratives, hard research, and welcome takeaways, this book offers practical advice on how to help tweens and teens make socially responsible decisions, and to use technology for happiness, connection, and a sense of community. Since, as the author points out, we are “raising the first generation of true-digital natives” and at the same time setting the bar for those who will look to us for precedents, turning a blind eye and hoping it all works out is simply not a strategy. If you are a parent of a tween or teen, a school official, or work with this age group, you owe it to yourself to pick up a copy of this guide.
March 10, 2022
Membahas banyak aspek mengenai dunia digital dan efeknya, terutama bagi remaja. Dalam mengantarkan materinya, penulis lbh dulu menekankan pentingnya memahami bagaimana aspek tumbuh kembang pada usia remaja, baik secara fisiologis, maupun secara psikologis, termasuk pubertas.
Di dalamnya dibahas lengkap (menurut saya) aspek kehidupan digital, mulai dari perilaku online remaja, pertemanan online, online dating, online bullying, video games, addiction, hingga ke online predator. Yang menarik, di beberapa chapter, kita akan menjumpai tulisan dari beberapa anak (rentang usia berbeda) yang menceritakan pengalaman kehidupan online mereka. Nyeritain fenomena friend-unfriend, kesalahan mengambil keputusan online, dan teror online dari ex girlfriend. Jadi kita disuguhi testimoni dari anak2 yg menjadi subyek pembahasan dalam buku ini, selain data dan hasil studi tentunya.
Di dalamnya dibahas lengkap (menurut saya) aspek kehidupan digital, mulai dari perilaku online remaja, pertemanan online, online dating, online bullying, video games, addiction, hingga ke online predator. Yang menarik, di beberapa chapter, kita akan menjumpai tulisan dari beberapa anak (rentang usia berbeda) yang menceritakan pengalaman kehidupan online mereka. Nyeritain fenomena friend-unfriend, kesalahan mengambil keputusan online, dan teror online dari ex girlfriend. Jadi kita disuguhi testimoni dari anak2 yg menjadi subyek pembahasan dalam buku ini, selain data dan hasil studi tentunya.
November 12, 2019
I've been a Rants from Mommyland blog reader for a long time, and absolutely love Julie's writing. However, when she first wrote this book, I didn't think we needed it. I had a lot of ideas about how we would handle tech with our kids and didn't think we needed any additional input.
A lot of Rants followers have read the book and praised it heavily, so I thought I'd give it a try. It is so well researched and presented, while withholding judgment for any decisions we have already made. Even if you think you have the rules for your kids figured out, this book is worth a read; I guarantee you will learn something new. I'm really happy Julie wrote it, and glad I finally got around to reading it!
A lot of Rants followers have read the book and praised it heavily, so I thought I'd give it a try. It is so well researched and presented, while withholding judgment for any decisions we have already made. Even if you think you have the rules for your kids figured out, this book is worth a read; I guarantee you will learn something new. I'm really happy Julie wrote it, and glad I finally got around to reading it!
January 26, 2020
I read this alongside Duct Tape Parenting by Vicki Hoefle and find the two to be a wonderful pair. Negotiating smart phones, online gaming, and social media for my 10 and 12 year olds has been a challenge that I previously tried to just about by not yet allowing phones or most online activity. I can see this is no longer a helpful or sustainable approach, so I'm glad this book provided some guidance on what is most appropriate for my kids. I particularly appreciated the view that online gaming serves the similar need for connection for tween boys that social media provides for girls.
Parenting in this age of smart phones is new territory for all of us, and I'm glad for this resource as a source of guidance without hard and fast rules or one size fits all approach.
Parenting in this age of smart phones is new territory for all of us, and I'm glad for this resource as a source of guidance without hard and fast rules or one size fits all approach.
December 23, 2019
A lot of good material and vignettes in each chapter to familiarize one with the topics and concerns at hand. I like that the approach varies with the type of devices and apps concerned, and with the age and specifics of the particular child, not a one-size-fits-all approach. I also liked the point that surreptitious spying on your children is what most parents do, and is not helpful, and that being open with your kids about the need for you to monitor their use for a time and to be active on the media that your child is active with, even gaming together, etc., made a lot of sense to me. Well done!
February 21, 2020
While I'm not one that typically likes these types of books, I got some good information and ideas to use from this book. I loved that she took a non-judgemental/judgy approach- showing both the positives of technology as well as the negatives. I also like that she tried not to make sweeping statements that are supposed to apply to everyone. Overall, I'm glad I read the book, it made me look at the way I'm currently handling screen time (probably a little too helicopter mom) and realize I need to take a more mentor approach as the kids get older. I'll hold onto this book for future reference.
October 1, 2019
5 stars
I'll admit I've avoided the topic because it makes me so damn anxious. But, I love Ms. Miner's writing ability to add humor and real life stories on top of research to this subject. Everything was well written and I'm thankful for the resources this book pulled together for me. It made the whole thing seem less daunting and gave us the tools to make a plan for our family in regards to technology.
I'll admit I've avoided the topic because it makes me so damn anxious. But, I love Ms. Miner's writing ability to add humor and real life stories on top of research to this subject. Everything was well written and I'm thankful for the resources this book pulled together for me. It made the whole thing seem less daunting and gave us the tools to make a plan for our family in regards to technology.
January 4, 2020
This was a well researched and approachable read on what is an ever changing and tense topic. The landscape for kids is that of a digital world and those of us not raised in one are trying to find the best footing to help our kids in it. This provided real insight, ideas and stats about what we really need to be doing to make sure that this component in our childrens lives is as safe as we can make it. In short, be real that this is just part of the world now and finding a map is useful.
January 7, 2022
3.5 stars. This book had excellent practical suggestions, and the “takeaway” section at the end of each chapter is fantastic. There are lots of usable questions and exercises there. I didn’t always feel her technology goals meshed with mine, so I have to take some of what she says with a grain of salt. But I found some good fodder here, both for myself and for an upcoming parenting forum at my church.
Read
June 7, 2024Helpful, without fear mongering. Written with lots of data and research points to provide insight. She even points out (probably more than once) how harmful media is in shaping our perceptions of some of the topics. I did skip some of the info that didn’t apply to our family, but overall I walked away with lots of good information and feeling empowered to parent my kids through these situations instead of being afraid of encountering them.
October 5, 2020
Ok. I bought this expecting to read lots of scientific evidence that technology (particularly social media) is terrible for kids. It isn’t that the book argued that such things are GOOD for kids, but it right-sized parental anxiety about it and offered practical and reasonable tips on how to manage technology’s role in kids’ lives.
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