Speaking of Race: Why Everybody Needs to Talk About Racism—and How to Do It

by Celeste Headlee

In this urgently needed guide, the PBS host, award-winning journalist, and author of We Need to Talk teaches us how to have productive conversations about race, offering insights, advice, and support.

A self-described “light-skinned Black Jew,” Celeste Headlee has been forced to speak about race—including having to defend or define her own—since childhood. In her career as a journalist for public media, she’s made it a priority to talk about race proactively. She’s discovered, however, that those exchanges have rarely been productive. While many people say they want to talk about race, the reality is, they want to talk about race with people who agree with them. The subject makes us uncomfortable; it’s often not considered polite or appropriate. To avoid these painful discussions, we stay in our bubbles, reinforcing our own sense of righteousness as well as our division.

Yet we gain nothing by not engaging with those we disagree with; empathy does not develop in a vacuum and racism won’t just fade away. If we are to effect meaningful change as a society, Headlee argues, we have to be able to talk about what that change looks like without fear of losing friends and jobs, or being ostracized. In Speaking of Race, Headlee draws from her experiences as a journalist, and the latest research on bias, communication, and neuroscience to provide practical advice and insight for talking about race that will facilitate better conversations that can actually bring us closer together. 

This is the book for people who have tried to debate and educate and argue and got nowhere; it is the book for those who have stopped talking to a neighbor or dread Thanksgiving dinner. It is an essential and timely book for all of us.

Genres: Nonfiction, Race, Audiobook, Book Club, Social Justice, Adult, Anti Racist

1 pages, Audio CD

Published November 2, 2021

Reviews

[MissBecka Gee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This popped up as a suggested read in my library app.
It had a brightly coloured cover and an enticing title, so I hit borrow.
Everyone who knows me, even a little, knows I struggle with non-fiction books.
I do read some, but have a difficult time staying focused and engaged during the majority of non fiction reads.
When I say I LOVED this book, I do not say that lightly.
Immediately after finishing I went to add it to my wishlist.
It was on sale and there was 1 copy left in stock.
Fate I tell ya.
This is probably the most helpful book I have ever come across and the way it's written is like having a conversation with a friend over drinks.
Headlee gives us the tools to address racism in a way that opens up a dialogue instead of starting a fight, she addresses calling people out in a manner that makes the other person feel safe asking questions and getting advice on how to avoid further missteps.
Headlee is open in discussing how we will have our own hiccups in our growth and how to accept those and move forward with the new knowledge to avoid further hiccups.
I cannot recommend this book enough!!!

"It is not too dangerous to talk about race. It is too dangerous to remain quiet on the subject."

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Opened my eyes about how to have difficult conversations. The focus of the book is obviously on race, but the skills apply anywhere. Super accessible language and concepts, well articulated, and thoughtful. I think this is an important read for everybody and Ill probably read it again when I need a review on the info

[Mark Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not just the best anti-racism book I’ve ever read but also one of the best books I’ve read, period. Headlee Is most likely the smartest person in the room, no matter what room she’s in. If you’re lucky enough to be in that room, she won’t make you feel less than. She will just have a conversation with you. She will ask lots of questions. And she will listen. And you will be much better off when the conversation is finished, just as you will be better off when you finish reading this book. Read it today, talk about it tomorrow. Live it every day.

[Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Conversations regarding race are often uncomfortable -- if they happen at all, and can end up with accusations being flung.

This is a guide about how to de-escalate those conversations.

[Christina (A Reader of Fictions)]

Though the book absolutely discovers discussions of race, it's really about discussing hard topics with people who do not agree with us, and why that's important. Headlee references race, politics, religion, and more. The main takeaways are the importance of active listening and finding points of agreement to start in a non-confrontational space, so that it can truly be a discussion, a way of learning each other's viewpoints as they stand, rather than an argument, as people are not swayed by facts and figures, but by how we live.

It's a tough book to swallow at times, but I think Headlee would agree that it's a tough thing to do at times. This is a book I'll think about, and it's one with wide implications.

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing up outside of the States, in a country where my own race is a dominant, I have never fully understood racial issue. Headlee gave A LOT of example of how different people can view a same conversation or action from different perspectives and sometimes, unfortunately, these actions/conversation can be uncomfortable to people of colours. This books serves as a guidance on how to engage with other people to talk about the topic of racism openly instead of trying to avoid it in a fear of “making a mistake”. Overall, it’s a good introduction book for people who would like to be a part of the change in the society but does not know where to begin with.

[Jennifer Louden · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book every person needs to read to actually talk to people of other races and to people of the same race about race. Celeste doesn't let you off the hook about your racism and your discomfort but she never shames you which makes you eager to use her tools. Listen to her on my podcast Create out Loud on January 25th - she is truly amazing! And read Do Nothing while you are at it!

[Kay Em · Rating 2 out of 5]

3.5

“It's true that some people will never change. But so many others are just waiting for their moment. You might want to hang around so you can be there when the moment arrives. You don't have to support their worldview. You can actively work against it. But you don't have to abandon them to darkness.”

[Pooja Mathur · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice. Easy to comprehend. Headlee provides lots of ideas that one can try to implement in conversations as well as providing space to make mistakes, as we all do.

[Josh Ashing · Rating 4 out of 5]

Racism has wasted enough of our time.
Action need wait no longer for further information. (Intro - pg. 2)

Celeste's definition of a racist: someone who makes assumptions about another person (either positive or negative) because of their perceived race or ethnicity. (Ch. 1 - pg. 22)

Racism is rarely a deliberate choice. It is often a result of unconscious thought instilled into our subconscious by a systemically racist society. (Ch. 2 - pg. 42)

The only way to truly thwart racist thoughts is to slow down so that our more mature & logical mind can weigh in before we speak or act. (System 2 thinking) Reactive vs. Self-Regulation (Ch. 2 - pg. 43)

The longer-term conversations generally have a higher impact than the short-term interventions. (Ch. 3 -pg. 61) "exposure therapy"
Accepting others as they are, meeting them where they are, is how we engage in respectful conversation. After all, minds are typically not changed during the course of one conversation; the change takes place over time, through many conversations. (Ch. 6 - pg. 125)
One discussion may not change anyone's mind, but a series of honest encounters might, and that series must begin somewhere. (Ch. 13 - pg. 232)

Deep Listening Self-Affirmation:
"I'm interested in you as a person, and I think that what you feel is important. I respect your thoughts, and even if I don't agree with them, I know that they are valid for you. I feel sure that you have a contribution to make. I'm not trying to change you or evaluate you. I just want to understand you. I think you're worth listening to, and I want you to know that I'm the kind of person you can talk to." (Ch.3 - pg. 64)

"It's difficult for me to see it as a legitimate disagreement when people deny others' experience or make others' humanity a subject of debate." (Ch. 5 - pg. 106)

Although you can't control the behavior or reactions of another person, you can increase the odds that they'll respond positively & respectfully to what you have to say. (Ch. 5 - pg. 107)

There's no winning in the race for "most disadvantaged."
We all struggle; we all have stories to tell. Dig deeper, instead of wider. (Ch. 7 - pg. 140 & 142)

Turning racism into a binary battle between the good and the bad increases the chances that this issue will become a war, that those who are labeled as irredeemable will become immovable. (Ch. 8 - pg. 144)

The possibility for radical honesty decreases as the number of people participating in the exchange increases. (Ch. 8 - pg. 148)

Mistakes are all about context & intent. (Ch. 8 - pg. 156)

Racism is a tool for dehumanizing people, for stripping away their individuality & treating them as a separate species. Anti-racism demands that we break down these stereotypes into their component pieces and relate to one another as unique human beings, each with our own ideas, perspectives, & experiences. To make it personal is to recognize the person in front of you.

The last chapter is key to our points.
Chapter 12: Talking about Racism in the Workplace

Step 1: Respect, Not Affection
Step 2: Accept What You're Told
Step 3: Take Turns
Step 4: Be Specific
Step 5: Where, When, How
Step 6: Ditch The Terminology
Step 7: Find Common Ground
Step 8: Ask Good Questions
Step 9: Keep It Personal
Step 10: Don't Rush It

[Lance Eaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great deal of people know that racism--individual, cultural, and structural--exist in numerous ways within the United States and have know this for a long while. But having effective conversations about racism to build understanding, empathy, and even action, rarely occur. There's many reasons for this from current politics and political discourse, to mediums of communication, to conceptions about how the world works and history. But a big inhibitor to geniune conversations and possible change reside in how we have those conversations and Headlee lays down the different elements that we need if we plan to have conversations about racism rather than talk about racism. Throughough her book, she points to research-based approaches that enhance the ability for people to engage in complex conversations around controversial topics. She provides examples, tips, and insights about how to improve these conversations. What strikes most powerfully without actually being said by Headlee is that the personal is political and so to have conversations about big topics, we actually have to be personal, connect with people and their lives. At the same time, we also have to know our own triggers, enter into conversations with good faith, and try to keep it grounded in the lives experiences of people. None of which is to say the larger context doesn't matter but that to talk about hard things, the further out we draw the conversation, the more abstract it becomes and the harder it can be to maintain mutual understanding in any coherent way. She highlights the importance and power of using geniune curiousity, active listening, and humanizing elements to connect with others--not with the goal of changing people's minds (a sure-fire way to make things worse) but with an intention to understand and share your own understanding. It's both a challenging and empowering book for folks who are deeply interested in social justice but often, talk about what's wrong with "them" and not positively contributing to addressing the challenges.

[Cym & Her Books 🍉 · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars! An important read on sale at Winners for $5.... obviously I had to snatch it up. I read chapters of this book over and over again, highlighted parts, and even underlined parts with a pen in order to remember all of the information contained in the pages. Thank you to the author, Celeste Headlee, for writing this timeless piece that anyone of any culture can learn from. Please read this if you ever find it online, at your library, or at the book store!

"You can't solve a problem you can't talk about".

[Mickey Knipp · Rating 1 out of 5]

I heard and interview with Celeste and thought she sounds interesting so I thought I'll give her books a try. Seems she is a bitter unhappy woman who seems to be doing well in life but is always looking for the next chance to be offended.

[Kellye · Rating 5 out of 5]

If one reads only one book about race this year, this is the one to choose. This is one of the most approachable books about race that I have read. What's more, it is not simply a regurgitation of the history of racism in the United States or in western civilization; rather, it is a handbook for reviewing one's own thoughts and preconceived notions and for how to begin having conversations with people who may not agree with you on whether racism even exists. Headlee provides step-by-step guidelines on how to move past our own biases and move toward understanding, learning about others, and reaching a degree of humanity and, indeed, civility, that has long been absent in our everyday discourses in our communities, much less in political life. This is a book that could be given to anyone on the right or the left of the spectrum.

While the focus of the book is on race and how to begin to converse civilly about racism and biases, it is also simply a guidebook on how to be a human being who takes the time to listen to others. It is a useful handbook for companies considering how to increase diversity and respect for diversity in the workplace, including diversity of thought, of culture, of backgrounds.

Bravo to Celeste Headlee for laying out a path that we can use to move forward instead of wallowing in the mire of hate and arrogance.

[Ranjit · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is well intentioned and worldwise, and I appreciated the humility the author brings to the subject. Everyone is racist to some degree, she says, and we need to do better as individuals and as a society. Believers in racial equality need to do more convincing, which is best accomplished through many one-on-one conversations in which the believer listens respectfully and patiently and employs great tact. If that sounds like an awfully tall order, well, that was my take too. Ultimately, the book, despite much wisdom and some good passages, was frustrating to me because it suggests changing hearts and minds will be slow, incremental, and often exasperating. (The book could also have used tighter editing and less repetition.) Respectful conversations are important, but mass movements seem to accomplish a lot more.

[Carolyn Harper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this book is geared toward the idea of talking about racism, it is actually an excellent treatise on how to communicate in any potentially volatile situation. Headlee focuses on how to prepare yourself for difficult conversations and emphasizes that people have more in common than not; there are few people with whom you can’t find some common ground, which is where to start conversation. This isn’t a Pollyanna-ish book, in that Headlee recognizes and acknowledges the challenges inherent in speaking and dealing with persons who believe differently than we do, but she advocates building relationships and starting small without compromising core beliefs and personal safety. This is a compelling and instructive book, with ramifications far beyond “just” talking about racism. Highly recommend.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read and discussed this book with coworkers as a Diversity, Equity and Inclusion initiative. Rather than sharing specific sticky situations, the author's approach was in putting forth skillsets and tactics for having any difficult conversation.

Along the way I didn't find the book to be optimistic, as it seems like so many things have to line up in order to have a productive conversation - two willing partners, each with enough energy, openness and time to communicate - and even then, the amount of progress toward changing an attitude may be miniscule.

To me the best takeaway is to realize that diversity doesn't need to be something we strive for only because it's right, but something we aspire to because having a wide array of people and experiences leads to better and more creative solutions.

[Marie-Ange Janvier · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book contains a lot of information to make you think. It’s not easy to digest in one sitting. It’s for everyone and it’s encouraged discussion about race that might make people feel uncomfortable. It highlights how to start the conversation and how to engage people more at every level to people who think this does not apply to them to the very core of those concerns. She provides tools and guidance for people to have an honest conversation that brings openness into this dialogue. I like that the author is half black and Jewish while looking ambiguous in her ethnicity which brings a different lens to the race discussion dynamics. I think she brings great points for DEI into the workplace and how it should be tackled. Also she provides resources for the reader if someone wants to dig deeper.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only give a very few 5 ratings, so this is a solid 4. Headlee provides very practical examples of how to have conversations about race -- not to change someone's mind -- but to engage in dialogue that might keep someone open to different ideas. It was helpful to me to hear examples of how to acknowledge racism while keeping a line of connection that might result in changes in the future. For all of us asking "what can I say to make people less racist," this is a reminder that building relationships is the mechanism for having those conversations. I feel like I have some practical ideas about having these conversations better.

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Drawing on research, interviews, and her own experiences, Headlee explores methods for having conversations about racism. My main takeaways were that these conversations are most successful when the two people in the conversation have genuine respect and compassion for each other, true curiosity about why the other person believes what they do, and a willingness to listen and ask follow-up questions. I appreciated the specific examples of conversational techniques, and wish even more of the book had been dedicated to additional examples.

[Clairette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes we get advice at just the right time and it hits different.

This book has changed me. Not only about how to talk about race (which I have already showed up better on that front while reading this), but about speaking when working toward a mutually shared goal from different angles, or trying to chip away at someone's poorly supported beliefs, and about just being a better conversationalist. It reminds me of Greg Koukl's Street Smarts (which is about a different kind of evangelism), but is SOO MUCH BETTER.

[Kim Nyborg · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5🌟
Admittedly, I'm a Celeste Headlee stan. Huge fan of everything she does and this book did not disappoint. Snippets of conversations with others from interviews in the subject were powerful & insightful.
The book itself is written in such a wonderful, conversational tone that brings you in & makes you believe that you CAN have these conversations and make a difference. She also doesn't shy away from telling us that racism isn't acceptable & shouldn't be tolerated in the name of civility.

[Bryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good summary of the prevailing wisdom in addressing the topic of race head on. It's a mile wide and an inch deep, so don't expect any magic bullet answers here but it's a good starting point. I would love deeper dives on each of these major topics but right now those are mostly the purview of consultants not of books.

[Frany74 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I found it informative and it gave a lot of practical advice on how to have often the difficult conversation about race. I found a lot of the advice in this book would be helpful for almost any discussion. I listened to this book on audio but would like to also have it in print for a reference/guidebook. I think it would be very helpful in both my personal and professional life. Highly recommend it - 4 stars.

[Cristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

All solid advice. There are a lot of books out there with similar content, many of which I have read, so seemed similar. Presented as well as other books, just not new to me. The rating is based on my experience, not the quality of the book itself.

[Susan Baumgartner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend. Straight-forward with excellent folding in of experts and their own thoughts and recommendations. The strategies are clear and applicable to needed conversations on racism...and beyond. Headlee shares tools and insights for *everyone* without putting anyone in judgement.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s a well researched book with a lot of solid advice but for me personally, reading about how to have a conversation was sort of difficult. I think this could be great as a TED talk or YouTube series and it would be easier to retain the info.

[Diane Henry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful, though I think it would good for any difficult conversation, not just race-based ones. It’s easy to think “yes I already know that” or “I already do that” and then pause and realize that I don’t and could definitely use the tips.

[Lacey Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insight. Not as "in your face" as White Fragility, but still enlightening. It really helped me think and made me reflect on how I talk to others, not only about race but in general. If you are in a leadership position, this is a must read. If you want to be a better person, this is a must read.

[Melissa Morrissey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another recommendation from work and a great book. It has made me think a lot about not avoiding conversations about race and how to better approach them. This is a practical useful book. It has taught me to question people’s comments rather than judge them.