Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse

by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, Stephanie Sarkis

From the psychologist and author of Gaslighting comes a practical recovery plan outlining ten foundational steps to true healing.

Surviving and escaping a toxic or abusive relationship can often only be part of the struggle. Long after, survivors often struggle to heal; your self‑esteem may be damaged, you may feel rage and betrayal, and you may punish and/or blame yourself. The author of Gaslighting and specialist in toxic behavior, narcissistic abuse, and personality disorders, Dr. Stephanie Sarkis has seen it all—and she is here to help you understand how to move forward. In Healing from Toxic Relationships, Dr. Sarkis extends compassion and knowledge to survivors, helping you understand the underpinnings of toxic behavior and how to find peace.

Highlighting ten essential steps, Dr. Sarkis provides survivors with an accessible framework that can be applied to anyone preparing to heal:

1. Block or Limit Contact;
2. Create Your Own Closure;
3. Forgive Yourself;
4. Establish Boundaries;
5. Talk to a Professional;
6. Practice Self‑Care;
7. Reconnect;
8. Grieve;
9. Look Outward;
10. Prevent: Keeping Toxic People Away.

Anyone who is in a toxic relationship—whether it's with a romantic partner, colleague, family member, or friend—deserves a way out and a path forward. Dr. Sarkis offers help and hope.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Relationships, Health, Adult

272 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2022

Reviews

[Miya (severe pain struggles, slower at the moment) · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many of us have been in toxic relationships. Some of us still are in them. This book is such an important read for people in both categories. Understanding how to create boundaries and how to walk away from toxic relationships of all kinds...knowing that it is not only okay, but it is necessary for our well-being. I like the step by step layout. It isn't overwhelming or confusing. I would say it is informative and empowering. Anyone involved with a narcissist type personality would definitely benefit from this read. I would absolutely recommend this book! Get out of those relationships. You are worth it.

[Kuemmel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will lend this to at least 10 people – eye opening, validating, healing

[Sve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Практична книга, която дава полезни съвети как да се справим след токсична връзка. Научих няколко нови неща.

[Kay Oliver · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been in two toxic relationships in my life; one was romantic and the other parental. I did just over two years of hardcore therapy to heal. With that experience, I can tell you that this book is a great source for anyone unsure if they're in a toxic relationship, anyone looking to get out, and those who got out and are working on healing. There's a lot of great information in these pages, and most importantly related stories that offer validation.

[Pallavi · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 star

We all have a handful of people in our lives whom we feel are toxic to our being. Not bad people but toxic. Bad and toxic are different. It took a long time for me to understand the difference. And also, we might be one of the toxic people in others' lives. Just like we don't readily identify our own toxic behavior affecting others' lives, the toxic people in our lives might be utterly unaware of their behavior affecting us. Unknowingly, we do most of the harm on ourselves. By thinking, a curse and a gift of mind (Animals might think too, but there is no evidence till now that they overthink, looks like they accept and move on). The toxic behavior, ours or others changes the way we think and slowly it becomes a habit. Once it is the habit, then the world starts looking more greyer as the life goes on. Doomed.

So, I prefer to read to get a perspective on the matter. This book was one such book which I liked and will surely recommend even though you think you had a perfect, emotionally squeaky clean and happy life. I started to understand how to manage different aspects of my day-to-day life which I share with a potpourri of people. Especially without losing my cool, without take anything to heart and by letting go of stuff that is not on priority or my worth (in terms of my time, physical or emotional). This book has been an illuminating read and a great educator.

Happy Reading!!

[Hestia Istiviani · Rating 5 out of 5]

s one of a survivor, I can say that this book is exactly like what my therapist has taught me 🥹

Niat awal baca buku ini cuma sebatas referensi untuk nulis. Tapi rupanya, aku malah seriously reading this book. Stephanie Moulton Sarkis menjabarkan setiap langkahnya secara step-by-step. Nggak tau berapa kali aku merasa bahwa “I relate with this.”

Misalnya saja bagian tentang mengidentifikasi toxic relationship melalui three characteristic stages: idealization, devaluing, and discard.

Setelah pembaca diajak mengenali tanda-tanda toxic relationship, penulis mulai satu per satu melalui bab-bab selanjutnya menjelaskan bagaimana “healing” bisa dilakukan. Not by walking away or denying. But facing it, secara perlahan-lahan.

Salah dua yang membekas sekaligus align dengan saran psikologku:
✅ (For)get closure
✅ Volunteer

No need to ask for closure karena toh nggak akan mengubah apapun. Jadi, lebih baik energinya dialihkan saja ke aktivitas yang lebih positif. Misalnya, go for volunteering, which I did!

Selain penjabaran, Healing from Toxic Relationship juga punya lembar “Check In” dan “Journaling Prompt”. Pembaca nggak cuma baca teori tapi juga bisa latihan dikit-dikit (which is awesome).

Ohya, buku ini nggak cuma ngebahas soal pacaran ya. Tapi juga pernikahan, bahkan pertemanan dan hubungan kerja profesional. Well, toxic relationship bisa terjadi di luar konteks relasi romantis, kan?

If you ask me what book you should read after going thru a toxic relationship, aku bisa rekomendasikan buku ini.

But if you have access to Mental Health Professional, you better go see them too.

[Emily Mendoza · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, I was reading this book during my lunch break or when I was going to bed. In all reality, you do not know when this is happening to you. All you know is that one day you notice that you are in a toxic relationship. This book helped me understand how to move pass it, set my boundaries and literally be happy for me. But you must put in the work too not just read it. Well, this is how I did it and I can say this helped and might help other too. (Thank you NetGalley, I truly appreciate it)

[Marsha · Rating 5 out of 5]

A clearly written and practical guide for someone dealing with a toxic relationship. This can be used as a workbook and a reference. An excellent resource.

[Adrian Ursachi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a great book for people who don’t have any ideas of what they can do in order to feel better after a toxic relationship.In case you are passing a break up , here you can find everything about “ what to do”. I would recommend the book “ How to fix a broken heart “ for those who need the right mindset and resilience to heal.

[Elise · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're in was...not sure or want to learn about a narcissistic relationship I highly recommend reading this book.

I learned a lot and absorbed a ton of information on the subject of narcissistic relationships.

Thank you so much to the author and publisher of Healing from Toxic Relationships.
Elise-Capricorn Book Reviews

[Trea · Rating 5 out of 5]

AMF !

[Sam Hunt · Rating 5 out of 5]

:’) really comforting book

[Ana-Maria Voloc · Rating 3 out of 5]

„Când interacționezi cu o persoană sănătoasă emoțional, ai tendința de a te simți mai încrezător și mai confortabil. Atitudinile și emoțiile oamenilor sunt contagioase, așa că alege cu grijă oamenii din viața ta”.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I had just one word to describe this book it would be AWARENESS.
Are you in an unhealthy relationship? Coworker, grown child, spouse, ex?
I’ve spent many years in therapy and suffered because of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I wish I’d had this book sooner. It was informative and so helpful. It answers questions and gives sound advice.
I fall back into my codependency sometimes and it makes me fragile. Having said that I would recommend this for anyone who needs to understand what’s happening. This book encourages therapy but also has many exercises you can do to learn how to change the situation.
A lot of you know about my life and understanding how I’ve struggled but I can’t say enough good things about this book! It’s life changing and I hope you consider it if you need help. Trust me, it’s really helpful.
Thanks Hachette Go via NetGalley.

[Clarisa Csoszor · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that really helps you along your healing journey to realize that the feelings and emotions you had, have and will have are really real. And, stop doubting why you feel around certain people, and see reality as it is. Protecting your own energy is the most precious gift you can give to yourself.

[sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really hit a spot I didn't know it would hit. I left a toxic relationship almost a year ago and I've been going through the healing process without any guidance. This book had some really helpful information and a lot of good quotes that I would like to remember, so I'm purchasing a physical copy as soon as possible. My only complaint is a complaint I have with every self-help/mental health nonfiction and it's that it uses she/her and he/him pronouns instead of just the gender neutral they/them. Other than that, I liked the content and I'm going to actively use what I learned to better my life.






Thank you to Hachette Books, Hachette Go, and NetGalley for providing me with an eBook copy to review.

[Emily Mendoza · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, I was reading this book during my lunch break or when I was going to bed. In all reality, you do not know when this is happening to you. All you know is that one day you notice that you are in a toxic relationship. This book helped me understand how to move pass it, set my boundaries and literally be happy for me. But you must put in the work too not just read it. Well, this is how I did it and I can say this helped and might help other too. (Thank you NetGalley, I truly appreciate it)

[Leifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Professional, compassionate, and empathetic of this particular situation. I appreciated her distinction between grief and extended grief—during my own experience, I felt almost crazy. I can now understand the psychology behind that stage of thinking, and it helps me have more compassion for myself then.

[Levi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book can be really helpful for people who just came out of a toxic relationship, or realizing they are in one and they have to leave. If you have no idea where to start and what to do, this book gives lots of advice and pointers, starting at the absolute basics. It goes into detail on how to co-parent with a toxic person, how to leave a toxic work environment, how to find a mental health professional and also how to start volunteering as a step to rediscover oneself.

My toxic relationships lie further in the past, and while this book was interesting for me to read, many sections did not apply to my situation. The author accounts for that by prefacing that it is ok to skip around in the book and only read what is relevant to one's situation.
Some information was repeated in different parts of the book, which makes it a bit repetitive if you read it back-to-back like I did.

[Meagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whether you’re dealing with a toxic family member, coworker, romantic partner, or “friend” this book covers it all.

Organized into easy to follow chapters and sections. Digestible language. Plenty of anecdotes from various individuals which added to the book rather than distracted (which I personally find with a lot of self help type books). Loved the journal prompts! Didn’t do any in the moment but bookmarked a few that I plan on going back to reflect on.

Interesting things I learned about myself include my inability to establish boundaries and that I really need to figure out my attachment style lol

Oh, and I laughed out loud when MLMs were included as a type of unhealthy (“toxic”) social group to watch out for, ha.

[Lissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing book for anyone who has ever been trapped in a toxic relationship (whether with a friend, partner, parent, or even job). Reading it helped me immensely, and I was able to find hidden "bombs" in my emotional life that I didn't realize were there waiting to explode. Hopefully I'll get around to writing a proper review for this book soon.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Won in a Goodreads giveaway.

Took my time with this. A gentle and understanding book. I will say this book was more skewed towards toxic romantic heterosexual monogamous relationships so a lot was not relevant to my particular situation but even so I found this book very helpful. The journal prompts were the most valuable part in my opinion

[Stacie Sonnakolb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every person needs to read this just like I believe every person needs therapy. We've all had a toxic relationship - work, friend, family, significant other - this book is an amazing tool to process these relationships.

[Aziza Mehmoudzai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good reminders for oneself and also to share with clients who are in toxic co-parenting relationships.

[Valerie Lindholm · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent and useful book
easy to read

[Histrio · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really good starting place. It goes through and gives you terminology and a little information on everything you need in this situation. Some things I already knew about in more depth from other books, but some things I hadn't encountered before. Highly recommend.

[Gregory · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, I listened to Healing from Toxic Relationships and now I’m almost through Gaslighting - both by Stephanie Moulton Sarks.

These books are sorta helpful, but they are also simplistic and sensationalist. Sarks uses four terms pretty much interchangeably: narcissist, abuser, toxic person and gaslighter. And all four of these terms are basically just synonyms for bad, evil or dangerous. Sarks makes no distinction among different varieties of “bad/evil.” This category of people include everything from people who lie, manipulate or speak rudely all the way to murderers, rapists, cult leaders and dictators. She tries to make this category of bad people into something consistent and predictable. But it’s not. A lot of the behaviors that she ascribes to narcissists/abusers/toxic people/gaslighters/bad/evil/dangerous people do indeed remind me of people I know. But others don’t at all. She doesn’t seem to allow for the possibility that even the people with problematic behavior patterns are individuals with a wide range of different pathologies. For someone with a Ph.D., this strikes me as diagnostically very sloppy.

She is also adamant that none of these people ever change at all because the evil apparently goes straight to the core of their being. And, in fact, she’s partially right. Most people don’t change a lot. But her absolutist stance represents a deeply and tragically cynical view of human nature. From the time we are young, we are taught to recognize the difference between right and wrong and to make moral and ethical choices. But instead, it sounds like she’s just saying that no, it’s not a choice. An enormous chunk of the human population is so bad that they will just always do the wrong thing automatically and they basically couldn’t even choose to do something different.

[Nicinha || Nicinha_book’s]

10 passos essenciais para recuperar de situações de manipulação psicológica narcisismo e abuso emocional, um livro que nos vai dando passos para nós libertarmos das pessoas que não interessam a ninguém e que fazem parte da nossa vida, e outras tais que só os queremos ver pelas costas.
O livro é dividido em várias partes:
1. Como chegamos aqui
2. Se puder, bloqueie o contacto
3. Assunto encerrado … ou não
4. Perdoe-se
5. Estabelecer limites
6. Fale com um profissional
7. Cuide de si
8. Volte a relacionar-se
9. O luto
10. Voluntariado
E o mais importante será a prevenção, mantermos vigilantes com todos os que nos rodeiam!
Estes livros são tão importantes …

[Calli Wickes · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were plenty of good ideas in this book but it seemed like a lot of words were used to describe something rather simple. Maybe it's the other self help books that I have read that made this book seem repetitive. It was good, I just felt like reading the chapter titles and chapter summaries was probably sufficient enough 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Lisa Konet · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was hard for me to read this and not get choked up and emotional. Wow! I have several toxic relationships in my life happening now. At least one ended with the end of my job last month, but I have a new one starting soon that is sooo much better and positive. I almost forgot what it was like to work in a positive environment!

This book has so much good information and advice! Well written and researched. This book really explains different types of toxic relationships and the signs. Very impressed with this and I think it will be a great resource for many to help people get courage to get professional help and to improve their lives.

Highly recommended.

Thanks to NetGalley, Stephanie Moulton Sarkis and Hachette Books Go for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Available: 7/26/22