The Things We Love: How Our Passions Connect Us and Make Us Who We Are

by Aaron Ahuvia

An "exciting and engaging" investigation (Jonah Berger) of the secret, tangled emotional relationships people have with things—drawing on cutting-edge findings from the fields of psychology, neuroscience, and marketing.

Books, baseball cards, ceramic figurines, art, iPhones, clothing, cars, music, dolls, furniture, and even nature itself. If you're like most people, at some point in your life you've found yourself indulging in a love affair with some thing that brings you immense joy, comfort, or fulfillment. Why is it that we so often feel intense passion for objects? What does this tendency tell us about ourselves and our society?

In The Things We Love , Dr. Aaron Ahuvia presents astonishing discoveries that prove we are far less “rational” than we think when it comes to our possessions and hobbies. In fact, we have passionate relationships with the things we love, and these relationships are driven by influences deep within our culture and our biology. Some of our passions are sudden, obsessive, and fleeting; others are devoted and lifelong affairs. Some turn dark: we become hoarders, or would prefer to destroy certain objects rather than let anyone else own them. And as technology improves, becoming increasingly addictive, one wonders: might our lives become so dominated by our emotional ties to things that we lose interest in other people?

Packed with fascinating case studies, scientific analysis, and takeaways for living in a modern and ever-so-material world,  The Things We Love offers a truly original and insightful look into our love for inanimate objects — and how better understanding these relationships can enrich and improve our lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Science, Self Help, Adult, Personal Development, Audiobook

336 pages, Hardcover

Published July 19, 2022

Reviews

[Catherine Price · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating look at why we love the things we love—and what our relationships with our possessions say about us!

[Vanessa Bohns · Rating 5 out of 5]

My mom always said "You don't love things, you love people." While I appreciated the sentiment, I always thought there was more to people's relationship with things than mere liking. Using cutting edge research and fascinating examples, this book explains those relationships. Totally fascinating read!

[Todd Kashdan · Rating 5 out of 5]

There have been plenty of books on how materialism is linked to a reduction in happiness. A thread I’ve always viewed as overly simplistic. Our possessions cannot be nearly organized into bins of whether they are signs of materialism. For a much more sophisticated view of how our objects are part of our identity enjoy this treatise.

Exceptional writing.
Entertaining stories.
Interesting science.

It’s the jam.

[Dolly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one that will have you seeing yourself and the objects in your world anew. It's full of great examples and fascinating research. It has me thinking about the books and technology and clothes and many other things that make up my home and life. It has given much to think about and chat about with others. Fun and fascinating!

[anchi · Rating 4 out of 5]

不知道是英文不好還是因為第一次聽有聲書，聽完之後有點空虛… 我之後再來補心得好了

[Kate C · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was like taking a college course in marketing. I thought it was fascinating. I liked how the author kept referring back to points he had made in past chapters to reinforce his message. This is the final book I will have finished this year and it was a good one.

[Emily P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do the things and places I love reflect my personal identity and also my sense of group belonging? What's my relationship to treasured gifts or inherited jewelry; to what extent do they serve for me relationship markers? When and why do my own tastes create walls that separate me from other people? Do we love our mobile phones because they help connect us to people we care about or because they enable us to reduce actual interactions with humans, or both?

The Things We Love, How Our Passions Connect Us and Make Us Who We Are, by Professor Aaron Ahuvia, got me pondering these questions and a lot more. The book has an entertaining style, mentioning brands (Rolex, Nescafe, Toyota, Chanel) and human tendencies (flashing status symbols, anthropomorphizing objects, hoarding) with which we are all familiar, while exploring questions about materialism and the function in our lives of various kinds of love. As a crazy bonus, I learned about Bronies (people who love the animated kids show "My Little Pony.")

[Maher Razouk · Rating 5 out of 5]

ما هي أكثر الأشياء المحبوبة بشكل شائع؟

بعد أكثر من ثلاثين عامًا من سؤال الناس عما يحبونه ، لاحظت أن بعض الإجابات تظهر بشكل متكرر. محبة الطبيعة أو الأنشطة في الطبيعة (على سبيل المثال ، المشي في الجبال) هو رقم واحد في هذه القائمة. حب الطبيعة شيء مشترك بيننا جميعًا ، بغض النظر عن وجهات نظرنا وآرائنا الأخرى: حتى الصيادين والرحالة يمكنهم إيجاد أرضية مشتركة هنا. والطبيعة ، من الناحية المجازية ، تحبنا أيضاً : هناك مؤلفات كاملة من الدراسات العلمية تُظهر أن التواجد في الطبيعة ، أو حتى مجرد النظر إلى نبات محفوظ بوعاء ، يحسن سعادتنا .

حب الله وحب الحيوانات الأليفة أقل شيوعًا إلى حد ما من حب الطبيعة ، لأنه لا يؤمن الجميع بالله أو أن الجميع لديه حيوان أليف (على الرغم من أن عددًا لا بأس به من الأشخاص الذين ليس لديهم حيوانات أليفة لا يزالون يحبونهم). يحتل حبنا لله والحيوانات الأليفة مكانًا وسطًا بين محبة الناس وحب الأشياء . تشمل الأشياء الأخرى الأكثر شيوعًا الرياضة والفنون بالإضافة إلى المنزل والسيارة والهاتف الخلوي والملابس.
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Aaron Ahuvia
The Things We Love
Translated By #Maher_Razouk

[Fotini Iconomopoulos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Engaging and entertaining to read and incredibly insightful. I learned more about myself than I expected.

[Adam Benforado · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to snag an advanced review copy and I found the book to be insightful and amusing in equal measure. I imagine it will be invaluable to members of the business community in helping them to craft and market products. But I approached it as a simple lover of things—my guitar, my car, my kitchen, my soccer team—and my curiosity was rewarded with a fun and consistently eye-opening read. I frequently laughed out loud—as with Ahuvia’s recounting of a study on anthropomorphism in which researchers programmed a plastic robot cat to plead with participants not to turn it off and then watched as those participants hesitated, reasoned with the object, and generally acted as if they were interacting with a living being. And I came away deeply satisfied, certain that I gained vital new perspective on my everyday interactions. You could easily read the book in a single sitting, but you’ll want to linger over certain sections. There is so much to marvel at.

[Alice Horning · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t plan to skim this book! It is much TOO interesting! I did not expect to find a book by a marketing professor as fascinating as The Things We Love turns out to be, and was happily surprised by the smooth writing and friendly tone as well. Professor Ahuvia manages to weave together the findings of research studies of his own and those of others that involve a wide range of people to support three main ideas about how we come to love things: we get attached when they resemble people in some way (anthropomorphism), that we make connections to things through people (people connectors), and that some things help foster our sense of identity and we love them because of that. In the end, Ahuvia points out that these ways of interacting with things will continue to be important in our lives or become more important as technology offers more things for us to love. There’s a lot to think about! Read the book and see why!

[Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

- In essence, a person's identity is woven by part by their self identities, which in part is explained by their culturla, work, freindship, location etc backgrounds. "Things" we love are often the proxy manifestation of the identity. We "love" certain thing as a way to belong to an "in-group" that defines who we are.

- The wealthier a person get, the more individualistic the person's preference for "love" of things get and in terms of identity, the more individualistic they get

- The more wealth a person obtains in terms of a subject, the more neunaced the person craves for that subject (fashion critics crave neunaced fashion design, food writers crave more neunaced food etc). But this is the reverse for the average consumer for the said field, in that they crave the average (avant-garde fashion renders the typical consumer puzzled, for instance)

[Jesus Beneveniste · Rating 4 out of 5]

The market, a menagerie of desires, has long been the playground of the cunning. Yet, Aaron Ahuvia, in his "The Things We Love," dares to venture beyond the shallows of rational consumerism. He delves into the subterranean depths of the human psyche, where passions reign and emotions dictate.

Ahuvia, with the keen eye of a philosopher, unmasks the absurdity of the modern marketer, who clings to the illusion of the rational consumer. Instead, he reveals the truth: we are not logical beings making calculated choices, but rather creatures driven by irrational attachments and emotional bonds. Our possessions, once mere tools, become extensions of ourselves, imbued with meaning and significance. It is in this realm of the irrational that true marketing power lies.

[Ronald-Stéphane Gilbert · Rating 5 out of 5]

At the intersection of sociology, psychology, and pop culture past and present, Dr. Aaron Ahuvia's latest publication, "The Things We Love: How Our Passions Connect Us and Make Us Who We Are," is an engaging and useful resource for anyone interested in the relationship between brand or product love and the creation of individual identity and preference in a consumer society. I highly recommend it both to the general reader and working marketer, each of whom will likely be rewarded with new and interesting information as well as original and compelling insights—truly and unconditionally, a must read!

[Morgan Beckley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Dr. Ahuvia, the publisher, and Goodreads for the ARC of The Things We Love: How Our Passions Connect Us and Make Us Who We Are!

This book answered questions I didn't even know I had. Reading it was truly an experience, it felt like a ton of puzzle pieces were connecting in my head. I could see myself in a lot of the interview excerpts and examples Ahuvia used and in the end, I feel like I learned a lot about myself by reading this. I would definitely recommend The Things We Love!

[Alan N. · Rating 5 out of 5]

To be published in mid-July 2022, "The Things We Love" is a fascinating look at our human tendency to love Things as well as People. This well-edited book gives an over-arching theory with plenty of stories and anecdotes blended in. Kind of an extended Malcolm Gladwell feel. You get plenty of personal psychological insights as well as a glimpse into how marketing professionals may be influencing us. A good read.

[Leahgilbert0721 · Rating 5 out of 5]

For a subject I haven’t thought much about, Professor Ahuvia takes a deep dive into why we love the things we do, using a variety of interesting research, quizzes you can take to learn about what and why you love certain things, and his own personal insights. Take the time to read this book and ask yourself, your family, and friends what they love! You might be surprised at the answers. An engaging and fun read!

[Peter P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone in the luxury consumer goods space, I have long been fascinated by the power of of attraction for many people to 'things' as though they were imbued with extra-sensory powers. Professor Aaron Ahuvia, from University of Michigan's Dearborn College of Business, has written a fabulously interesting book on why that might be. He explores the love that people have for things as being intrinsically linked to their sense of identity and even aspiration. Highly recommended.

[Cory Joyrich · Rating 5 out of 5]

With this book, Dr. Ahuvia has achieved something extraordinary: not only does he make a deeply complex subject accessible to the average reader, his prose are downright enjoyable—especially when you consider the years of complex academic research that validate his findings. This book is an entertaining and informative master class in understanding the world around us. I highly recommend it whether you’re a masters student or just a student of human nature.

[Roberta · Rating 1 out of 5]

I chose this book based on a friend's review. I abandoned it at page 69, "One-Way Versus Two-Way Relationships" not because I didn't like it, but more because I just wasn't interested in it. I expected some quirky, funny, sweet, or sentimental anecdotes about the things people love and why they love them. Instead, this sounded like psychobabble based on the author's PhD thesis. It is doubtful that I will ever go back and finish reading it.

[David Martin Rosenfeld · Rating 5 out of 5]

Erudite but charmingly informal. You can tell Ahuvia has done the research, but he makes it easy to understand and digest. And he has a sense of humor - somewhat rare in popular psychology books, I think. I enjoyed his explanation of how our current passion for our iphones stems from the motivations to survive of our primitive ancestors. Very relevant to our modern consumption-dominated lives.

[kalei · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many interesting points! Definitely worth 4 or 4.5 stars.

Perfect for an audio book to listen to throughout a week or two of lots of little commutes. I found it difficult to listen to for a full hour because there were so many concepts raised in a single chapter that I needed time to process.... But I wanted to dedicate time to this author's ideas, which is a good sign.

[Soquel · Rating 4 out of 5]

The science is fascinating. This book explores why we love things (anything not human, including pets.) Some of it is based on our education, social sphere, family histories, self-perception, group thinking, savvy marketing, and even our ancient drive to survive. This book helps explain why status, passion, and money are not always related but our individual tastes develop.

[Nic Knowles · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the topic of the book, and working in marketing loved the context - but struggled with how it was written; I think with the constant references and nods to studies (which completely understandable given the focus of the book) I just struggled to get into a good flow, so took me longer to read than I’d like.

[Thea Marlowe · Rating 3 out of 5]

A tad wordy… We know that the things we love tell a lot about us, our character, insecurities, etc.

Thinking that the things I love, books/reading, music, sunshine, solitude, beach, volunteering, reflect that I love simple pleasures.
Although I have been called a minimalist 😂

[Joy Rosales · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an ARC copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
While I thought a lot of information in this book was very interesting and I liked learning about this subject matter I don’t think this type of nonfiction is for me and I found myself wanting to put the book down frequently.

[Ivy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. Check it out!

[Cassie Holmes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a heartening read that I learned from and loved.

[Vickie]

Couldn't get into it. I'll try again later.

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

We are so surrounded by things and attachement is the natural way of it. This is a must read for the modern human!! 👏 I plan to read it again every year.