Scaffold Parenting: Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant, and Secure Kids in an Age of Anxiety

by Harold S Koplewicz

Prevent and counteract the general anxiety and emotional fragility prevalent in children and teenagers today—a new parenting philosophy and strategies that give children the tools to flourish on their own (previously published as The Scaffold Effect).

“A master synthesizer of attachment science, medical practice, and his own experience as a father, Harold Koplewicz capably and compassionately leads us through the art of scaffolding, from early childhood through the important adolescent period.”—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, author of The Whole Brain Child

Just as sturdy scaffolding is necessary when erecting a building and will come down when the structure grows stable, good parenting provides children with steady and warm emotional nourishment on the path toward independence. Never-ending parental problem-solving and involvement can have the opposite effect, enabling fragility and anxiety over time.
 
In Scaffold Parenting , world-renowned child psychiatrist Harold Koplewicz introduces the powerful and clinically tested idea that this deliberate build-up and then gradual loosening of parental support is the single most effective way to encourage kids to climb higher, try new things, grow from mistakes, and develop character and strength. Explaining the building blocks of an effective scaffold from infancy through young adulthood, he expertly guides parents through the strategies for raising empowered, capable people,

• Lay a solid The parent-child relationship needs to be made from the concrete mixture of emotional availability, positive reinforcement, clear messaging, and consistent rules. From this supportive base, your will forge a bond that will survive adolescence and grow stronger into adulthood.

• Empower Skyscraper or sprawling ranch—the style of your child’s construction is not up to you! Scaffold parenting validates and accommodates the shape the child is growing into. Any effort to block or control growth will actually stunt it.

• Stay on their Imagine being on the ground floor of a house and trying to talk to someone on the roof. The person on the roof will have to “talk down” to you or yell. If your child’s building and your scaffold are on the same level, you can speak directly, look each other in the eye, and keep the lines of communication open.
 
Drawing on Dr. Koplewicz’s decades of clinical and personal experience, Scaffold Parenting is a compassionate, street-smart, and essential guide for the ages.

All of the author’s proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to the Child Mind Institute.

Genres: Parenting

272 pages, Paperback

Published February 22, 2022

Reviews

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Likely one of my favorite parenting books. There were nuggets I'm not sure I quiet agree with but overall this is a great resource for parents learning to connect with their kids and how to scaffold life for them to become successful adults.

[Christine Lepird · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think it was well intentioned and had some good core ideas, but it felt a little too gimicky with the scaffold and plank metaphors. It also felt like one big ad for the author's ~ child mind institute ~ which was as offputting as the Snoo guy writing the 5 S's book.

[Natali · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some good nuggets in here. I did not agree with everything the author says but I appreciated the general concepts. I listened to the audiobook and it gave me some good pointers for being patient and understanding with my children.

Some things I found a bit ridiculous. For instance, the author suggests paying your children money in order to get them to talk to you at dinner. Um, no. If they can't be bothered to SPEAK to me over a FREE dinner that I make for them in a house that they live in for FREE, I don't think that I need to bribe them for the privilege of their conversation. I'd sooner revoke some of those privileges than pay my way into their lives. The author does believe in revoking privileges in measured ways. I'd sooner do that than pay my children to speak.

Then again, I don't have a particularly troubled child so maybe I would resort to this if I did. I hate to judge but for the kids I've got, they're not getting paid to contribute to dinner conversations.

I liked the tips for dealing with complicated situations with empathy and understanding. I also liked the scaffolding metaphor. It seemed kind of hokey at first but the author brings it home in the end. It was a worthy read, although I'm glad I did audiobook for this one. I might have lost patience with the physical book.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is unfortunate, if not entirely surprising, that most parenting books are written by the elite for the elite. Therapists and tutors, both at an intensive level, are a prescription out of reach for the average American parent outside of New York City and Silicon Valley, the geographic locales from which the anecdotes in this book are drawn, and this author, in common with most others in the genre, assumes that every child will/should attend a four-year college, a blind spot that I am hopeful the next generation will successfully clear from their mental windshield.

The actual parenting advice given is helpful and sound, though I fear that many less-affluent parents won't actually get to it, perceiving that they are effectively excluded from the target audience by the author's presumptions.