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Crying in the Bathroom
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Memoir & Autobiography (2022)From the New York Times bestselling author of I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, an utterly original memoir-in-essays that is as deeply moving as it is hilarious
Growing up as the daughter of Mexican immigrants in Chicago in the nineties, Erika Sánchez was a self-described pariah, misfit, and disappointment—a foul-mouthed, melancholic rabble-rouser who painted her nails black but also loved comedy, often laughing so hard with her friends that she had to leave her school classroom. Twenty-five years later, she's now an award-winning novelist, poet, and essayist, but she's still got an irrepressible laugh, an acerbic wit, and singular powers of perception about the world around her.
In these essays, Sánchez writes about everything from sex to white feminism to debilitating depression, revealing an interior life rich with ideas, self-awareness, and perception. Raunchy, insightful, unapologetic, and brutally honest, Crying in the Bathroom is Sánchez at her best—a book that will make you feel that post-confessional high that comes from talking for hours with your best friend.
Growing up as the daughter of Mexican immigrants in Chicago in the nineties, Erika Sánchez was a self-described pariah, misfit, and disappointment—a foul-mouthed, melancholic rabble-rouser who painted her nails black but also loved comedy, often laughing so hard with her friends that she had to leave her school classroom. Twenty-five years later, she's now an award-winning novelist, poet, and essayist, but she's still got an irrepressible laugh, an acerbic wit, and singular powers of perception about the world around her.
In these essays, Sánchez writes about everything from sex to white feminism to debilitating depression, revealing an interior life rich with ideas, self-awareness, and perception. Raunchy, insightful, unapologetic, and brutally honest, Crying in the Bathroom is Sánchez at her best—a book that will make you feel that post-confessional high that comes from talking for hours with your best friend.
304 pages, Paperback
First published June 21, 2022
597 people are currently reading
33984 people want to read
About the author
Erika L. Sánchez
6 books1,443 followersErika L. Sánchez is the daughter of Mexican immigrants. A poet, novelist, and essayist, her debut poetry collection, Lessons on Expulsion, was published by Graywolf in July 2017, and was a finalist for the PEN America Open Book Award. Her debut young adult novel, I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, published in October 2017 by Knopf Books for Young Readers, is a New York Times Bestseller and a National Book Awards finalist. She was a 2017-2019 Princeton Arts Fellow, and a recent recipient of the 21st Century Award from the Chicago Public Library Foundation and a National Endowment for the Arts Fellowship in Poetry. She has recently been appointed the Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz Chair in the Latin American and Latino Studies Department at DePaul University and is part of the inaugural core faculty of the Randolph College Low Residency MFA Program.
Erika grew up in the Mexican working class town of Cicero, Illinois, which borders the city's southwest side. In fact, her childhood apartment was so close to Chicago that she could hit it with her shoe if she flung it out the window. (Maybe she tried this, maybe she didn't.)
As a daughter of undocumented Mexican immigrants, Erika has always been determined to defy borders of any kind. And, not surprisingly, her clothes perpetually smelled of fried tortillas when she was a child. Her role model was—and continues to be—Lisa Simpson. As a result, she was a young and sometimes overbearing (but in a cute way?) feminist and overachiever. Ever since she was a 12-year-old nerd in giant bifocals, she's dreamt of becoming a successful writer.
Erika graduated Phi Beta Kappa and Magna Cum Laude from the University of Illinois at Chicago, then went onto Madrid, Spain on a Fulbright Scholarship. There, she wrote poems late into the night, taught English at a secondary school, and ate a medley of delicious cured meats. After her scholarship, Erika moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico where she received an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of New Mexico. She did not love Albuquerque but was pleased with the clear skies and ample parking. She graduated with distinction.
Erika has received a CantoMundo Fellowship, Bread Loaf Scholarship, and the 2013 "Discovery"/Boston Review Prize. In 2015, Erika was awarded a Ruth Lilly and Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg Poetry Fellowship from The Poetry Foundation.
Erika's poems have appeared or are forthcoming in many prestigious literary journals, including Poets.org, Vinyl Poetry, Guernica, diode, Boston Review, ESPN.com, the Paris Review, Gulf Coast, POETRY Magazine, and The New York Times Magazine. Her poetry has also been featured on “Latino USA” on NPR and published in Please Excuse This Poem: 100 New Poems for the Next Generation (Viking 2015).
In the fall of 2014, the Guild Complex of Chicago invited Erika and four other writers to participate in Kapittel, the International Festival of Literature and Freedom of Speech in Stavanger, Norway where she met incredible exiled writers from around the world and ate pickled fish for breakfast.
From 2012-2015 Erika was the sex and love advice columnist for Cosmopolitan for Latinas. She loves giving women feminist, sex positive advice. And no, she is not the "Latina Carrie Bradshaw." Seriously, please don't call her that. Erika has also contributed to a variety of top tier publications, such as Time, The Guardian, NBC News, Rolling Stone, Al Jazeera, Truthout, Salon, BuzzFeed, Cosmopolitan, Jezebel, Her articles have been republished all around the world and have been translated into several languages. She has been profiled by NBC News, PBS, Telemundo, and has appeared on National Public Radio on many occasions. Her essay “Crying in the Bathroom” was published in the anthology Double Bind: Women on Ambition (Liveright 2017).
Erika grew up in the Mexican working class town of Cicero, Illinois, which borders the city's southwest side. In fact, her childhood apartment was so close to Chicago that she could hit it with her shoe if she flung it out the window. (Maybe she tried this, maybe she didn't.)
As a daughter of undocumented Mexican immigrants, Erika has always been determined to defy borders of any kind. And, not surprisingly, her clothes perpetually smelled of fried tortillas when she was a child. Her role model was—and continues to be—Lisa Simpson. As a result, she was a young and sometimes overbearing (but in a cute way?) feminist and overachiever. Ever since she was a 12-year-old nerd in giant bifocals, she's dreamt of becoming a successful writer.
Erika graduated Phi Beta Kappa and Magna Cum Laude from the University of Illinois at Chicago, then went onto Madrid, Spain on a Fulbright Scholarship. There, she wrote poems late into the night, taught English at a secondary school, and ate a medley of delicious cured meats. After her scholarship, Erika moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico where she received an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of New Mexico. She did not love Albuquerque but was pleased with the clear skies and ample parking. She graduated with distinction.
Erika has received a CantoMundo Fellowship, Bread Loaf Scholarship, and the 2013 "Discovery"/Boston Review Prize. In 2015, Erika was awarded a Ruth Lilly and Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg Poetry Fellowship from The Poetry Foundation.
Erika's poems have appeared or are forthcoming in many prestigious literary journals, including Poets.org, Vinyl Poetry, Guernica, diode, Boston Review, ESPN.com, the Paris Review, Gulf Coast, POETRY Magazine, and The New York Times Magazine. Her poetry has also been featured on “Latino USA” on NPR and published in Please Excuse This Poem: 100 New Poems for the Next Generation (Viking 2015).
In the fall of 2014, the Guild Complex of Chicago invited Erika and four other writers to participate in Kapittel, the International Festival of Literature and Freedom of Speech in Stavanger, Norway where she met incredible exiled writers from around the world and ate pickled fish for breakfast.
From 2012-2015 Erika was the sex and love advice columnist for Cosmopolitan for Latinas. She loves giving women feminist, sex positive advice. And no, she is not the "Latina Carrie Bradshaw." Seriously, please don't call her that. Erika has also contributed to a variety of top tier publications, such as Time, The Guardian, NBC News, Rolling Stone, Al Jazeera, Truthout, Salon, BuzzFeed, Cosmopolitan, Jezebel, Her articles have been republished all around the world and have been translated into several languages. She has been profiled by NBC News, PBS, Telemundo, and has appeared on National Public Radio on many occasions. Her essay “Crying in the Bathroom” was published in the anthology Double Bind: Women on Ambition (Liveright 2017).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 997 reviews
August 6, 2022
Audiobook….read by the author, Erika Sanchez
……7 hours and 15 minutes
WOW!!!!!…..
……this book is everything and nothing and everything….
There were sentences of SUCH BRILLIANT TRUTH. They went by so fast — I wanted to hold on to them ….but then before I knew it, they flew away like a butterfly that I couldn’t catch…..having missed my opportunity.
I didn’t take the ‘notes’ that I often do — I was SO IN THE MOMENT with Erika.
I was totally bewitched with Erika’s trenchant expressive style — completely unapologetic — mocking others and herself at times. Blunt. Biting. …..
The combination of seriousness and hilarity….were soooooo intertwine together —that I started to develop a little brain fog. I was fully captivated and present with everything Erika shared (everything she wrote).
But,
……I’m unclear of what I retained in order to recapitulate concisely the passionate content as much as it deserves.
THERE WAS SO MUCH!!!!
I was able to comprehend what was being said …..but I’m not yet fluent in Erika‘s language to speak the powerful words ‘back’ (yet)
BUT BE CLEAR …..
THIS BOOK IS SO AMAZING….REALLY AMAZING!!! >> as it deserves honors, awards, and tons of respected recognition.
Erika Sanchez has had fabulous life experiences— exotic — interesting ones…..
— days, nights, weeks, involving travel, food, sex, dancing, teaching, reading, writing, strangers, friends, [making my life seem so dull]
but also a haunting — maddening and sad life.
Erika held my heart with her raw honesty. She flawlessly rendered what it was like at different ages and stages of her life — a child, teen, a young adult, and adult who saw and sees everything—endures it…
in many of the similar ways Buddhist do.
“Crying in the Bathroom” is a meticulously reported account of Erika’s journey through violent and an unpredictable past
There are themes of depression and abuse, but in spite of the horrors in her past…..and the funny cringing combo storytelling styling —
Erika simply rocks it!!!
…Great personality…
…Deadpan wit…
…Compassionate understanding for the process of life, love, growth, and a purpose for foul-mouth truth!
One more tidbit — when she talks about poetry and her passion for it it’s really wonderful. And when she talked about Virginia Woolf — I felt it in my bones!!!
……7 hours and 15 minutes
WOW!!!!!…..
……this book is everything and nothing and everything….
There were sentences of SUCH BRILLIANT TRUTH. They went by so fast — I wanted to hold on to them ….but then before I knew it, they flew away like a butterfly that I couldn’t catch…..having missed my opportunity.
I didn’t take the ‘notes’ that I often do — I was SO IN THE MOMENT with Erika.
I was totally bewitched with Erika’s trenchant expressive style — completely unapologetic — mocking others and herself at times. Blunt. Biting. …..
The combination of seriousness and hilarity….were soooooo intertwine together —that I started to develop a little brain fog. I was fully captivated and present with everything Erika shared (everything she wrote).
But,
……I’m unclear of what I retained in order to recapitulate concisely the passionate content as much as it deserves.
THERE WAS SO MUCH!!!!
I was able to comprehend what was being said …..but I’m not yet fluent in Erika‘s language to speak the powerful words ‘back’ (yet)
BUT BE CLEAR …..
THIS BOOK IS SO AMAZING….REALLY AMAZING!!! >> as it deserves honors, awards, and tons of respected recognition.
Erika Sanchez has had fabulous life experiences— exotic — interesting ones…..
— days, nights, weeks, involving travel, food, sex, dancing, teaching, reading, writing, strangers, friends, [making my life seem so dull]
but also a haunting — maddening and sad life.
Erika held my heart with her raw honesty. She flawlessly rendered what it was like at different ages and stages of her life — a child, teen, a young adult, and adult who saw and sees everything—endures it…
in many of the similar ways Buddhist do.
“Crying in the Bathroom” is a meticulously reported account of Erika’s journey through violent and an unpredictable past
There are themes of depression and abuse, but in spite of the horrors in her past…..and the funny cringing combo storytelling styling —
Erika simply rocks it!!!
…Great personality…
…Deadpan wit…
…Compassionate understanding for the process of life, love, growth, and a purpose for foul-mouth truth!
One more tidbit — when she talks about poetry and her passion for it it’s really wonderful. And when she talked about Virginia Woolf — I felt it in my bones!!!
July 31, 2022
I liked Erica Sánchez’s honest, unguarded, and humorous writing about a range of topics including chronic pain, colorism, and religion and spirituality. A few times in the memoir, I felt her writing came across as almost a little too conversational and unfocused which reduced the compelling-ness of her story. However, in the last 25% or so of the memoir when she writes about her depression, I felt immersed again in her narrative. I think this final 25% serves as the strongest part of Crying in the Bathroom, as it integrates Sánchez’s funny tone with a gripping story of trying to find the right treatment for depression as well as finally landing a romantic partner that feels like the right fit. When she wrote about her beautiful husband of color and made fun of Tony who believes in blue lives matter I was like lolol get it!
Overall, I enjoyed this memoir, especially the sincerity in which she wrote about her mental health and how those struggles related to her identity as a Latina woman. I didn’t really detract a star for this, though I do think penis size-shaming and preferring tall men (both instances in the memoir that were very subtle) contribute to patriarchy and outdated gender role norms of men as like, towering paternalistic caregivers, which yikes. These are things I notice in a lot of media though and not solely this memoir.
Overall, I enjoyed this memoir, especially the sincerity in which she wrote about her mental health and how those struggles related to her identity as a Latina woman. I didn’t really detract a star for this, though I do think penis size-shaming and preferring tall men (both instances in the memoir that were very subtle) contribute to patriarchy and outdated gender role norms of men as like, towering paternalistic caregivers, which yikes. These are things I notice in a lot of media though and not solely this memoir.
August 14, 2022
About the book: “From the New York Times bestselling author of I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, an utterly original memoir-in-essays that is as deeply moving as it is hilariously funny.”
Sanchez’s essay topics, about growing up a Mexican American in Chicago, run the gamut from sex to mental health to white feminism. It’s insightful, raw, and honest. Covering some of her growing up years to the present day, it meanders a little when the author dug deeper. It felt like a best friend baring her soul in a catch-up phone call or over a long, lingering lunch. It’s intense, hard-hitting, relatable, inspiring, and refreshingly thoughtful.
I chose to do a read/listen (my favorite) for Crying in the Bathroom because a memoir narrated by the author herself makes for the best reading experience.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
Sanchez’s essay topics, about growing up a Mexican American in Chicago, run the gamut from sex to mental health to white feminism. It’s insightful, raw, and honest. Covering some of her growing up years to the present day, it meanders a little when the author dug deeper. It felt like a best friend baring her soul in a catch-up phone call or over a long, lingering lunch. It’s intense, hard-hitting, relatable, inspiring, and refreshingly thoughtful.
I chose to do a read/listen (my favorite) for Crying in the Bathroom because a memoir narrated by the author herself makes for the best reading experience.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
June 29, 2022
I was a little mixed on this book. I felt like the author didn't have a lot to say. I liked her writing style but it wasn't until the last 3-4 essays that I even really cared about what she was talking about. I did like her and found her to be funny and curious in ways that were intresting.
March 6, 2023
I genuinely cannot believe i finished this book.
Some of the essays were okay, I even laughed at loud at some parts. But mostly it felt like that “loud woman yells at cloud” meme. I can see why some people liked it, but as a fellow hispanic living abroad and poc and a person that can check most of the boxes this author claims to check herself, it personally felt a little too much? But if it was her experience, I can’t diminish it. I guess what i’m saying is, i don’t like when people generalize stuff; meaning, just because one person feels one way doesn’t mean every other person in a similar context feels the same way. If that makes sense.
This book left me very dissatisfied and with mixed feeling borderline mad, even. And i don’t want to be mad since it’s a composite of essays of the author’s personal experiences. Ultimately, I suppose i wouldn’t go out for a drink with her and i’ll leave it at that.
Some of the essays were okay, I even laughed at loud at some parts. But mostly it felt like that “loud woman yells at cloud” meme. I can see why some people liked it, but as a fellow hispanic living abroad and poc and a person that can check most of the boxes this author claims to check herself, it personally felt a little too much? But if it was her experience, I can’t diminish it. I guess what i’m saying is, i don’t like when people generalize stuff; meaning, just because one person feels one way doesn’t mean every other person in a similar context feels the same way. If that makes sense.
This book left me very dissatisfied and with mixed feeling borderline mad, even. And i don’t want to be mad since it’s a composite of essays of the author’s personal experiences. Ultimately, I suppose i wouldn’t go out for a drink with her and i’ll leave it at that.
July 26, 2022
It sucks that I didn’t love this book because I so badly wanted to love it. It isn’t very good. The writing was so sporadic it became difficult to find the reason for all of the damn tangents. Every essay went off on tangents that sometimes worked, but mostly didn’t.
Maybe it’s the editor’s fault? Whatever the case, I’m bummed I didn’t like it.
Maybe it’s the editor’s fault? Whatever the case, I’m bummed I didn’t like it.
September 6, 2022
Wow, such a wonderful memoir! Great taste of both worlds.... humor and eye opening truths. I loved so much about this! So many great moments that I just had to highlight and remember for my own moments in life. I absolutely loved this! Such a great read.
I won this book from a Goodsreads giveaway. All statements above are my true opinions after fully reading this book.
I won this book from a Goodsreads giveaway. All statements above are my true opinions after fully reading this book.
December 2, 2022
I was so excited to read this because I loved Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter. I live in Chicago and was really looking forward to more about her experiences growing up in Bridgeport and the city at large. This book didn’t contain much of it. The essays weren’t very coherent and I was often confused on the timelines re: her divorce, grad school, time abroad, etc. It was also extremely vulgar which just isn’t my taste. Also could have done without 40 pages on buddhism which seemed really misplaced. Finally, I got kind of annoyed at the end by all her jabs at white people (without differentiating by saying “conservative white people” or the like). I’m not a person of color but I’m here appreciating your novel and trying to read your experiences and it came across pretty hostile to someone like me. Gave three stars for her honesty on abortion; that takes a lot of courage and really moved me. Hoping for a better read next time.
July 5, 2022
I always say that I want there to be space in publishing for Latinx stories of all kinds, especially meandering and messy stories. Erika's memoir delivered all of that an more for me with a huge chip on its shoulder. A little bit repetitive and rambling, Crying In The Bathroom ended up having a huge emotional impact on me by the end, especially with her frank discussion of her mental health, treatments that she sought and also regarding motherhood and the search for a partner. This is a solid 3.5 stars rounded up to 4. Trigger warnings for depression, suicidal ideation.
April 16, 2023
This memoir was very hard to finish - not because it was overly complicated or dense. In fact, it felt very shallow.
First and foremost, the writer is immature and self-absorbed. It felt as though writing a memoir was her opportunity to lash out at those she feels has hurt her. That could be fine if it made sense. Let me explain: she defends and celebrates the cruel members of her family, telling us that's just how Mexican-Americans are: they make fun of fat people, bald people, they bully their own children (the writer herself). Then she turns her anger outwards and blames random strangers or people who are not Mexican-American for the trauma she experienced growing up. It was bizarre, and I wondered if this analysis would have made more sense if I was an American. Even so, it was very skewed towards her own biases and myopic ideas about identity. So pretty much the usual American brain worms, but just from a writer of colour this time. Lovely!
With each new chapter, I longed to understand her: how she felt overlooked as a brown girl in a white society, how she grappled with her anxiety and depression, how she felt like she had to struggle so much to get to where she is - but her takes were frustratingly superficial. Ultimately, I felt sorry for her, thinking that she might wear the social armour of an arrogant, unkind person so that she can protect herself from life's hardships. It's a common route for the wounded.
First and foremost, the writer is immature and self-absorbed. It felt as though writing a memoir was her opportunity to lash out at those she feels has hurt her. That could be fine if it made sense. Let me explain: she defends and celebrates the cruel members of her family, telling us that's just how Mexican-Americans are: they make fun of fat people, bald people, they bully their own children (the writer herself). Then she turns her anger outwards and blames random strangers or people who are not Mexican-American for the trauma she experienced growing up. It was bizarre, and I wondered if this analysis would have made more sense if I was an American. Even so, it was very skewed towards her own biases and myopic ideas about identity. So pretty much the usual American brain worms, but just from a writer of colour this time. Lovely!
With each new chapter, I longed to understand her: how she felt overlooked as a brown girl in a white society, how she grappled with her anxiety and depression, how she felt like she had to struggle so much to get to where she is - but her takes were frustratingly superficial. Ultimately, I felt sorry for her, thinking that she might wear the social armour of an arrogant, unkind person so that she can protect herself from life's hardships. It's a common route for the wounded.
Read
April 12, 2022A terrific memoir of growing up that ranges over many subjects.
June 28, 2022
3.5 ⭐️
memoir in essays
author of I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter
cw: abortion, depression, suicidal ideation, psychiatric hospitalization
this was such a mixture for me. there are many incredibly engrossing and meaningful essays that touched me to my soul. Sánchez graciously shares the intricate details of her depression and suicidal ideation and how at times it completely enraptured her life. she shares the story of her abortion and describes the complexities that exist around being pro-choice while also struggling with difficulties of the experience of abortion - something that is often not discussed within the movement for fear of it diminishing the argument of having this choice. it’s eerie and hard to read about her experience while living in a society that has recently overturned roe v. wade. Sánchez also writes about her experience as a Mexican woman and how this has shaped her life. she is so honest about her dating and sex life in many of the essays.
there were also some essays that felt really meandering and contained so many references to books, authors, and other art pieces that i felt like i was reading an art appreciation text. and some things she said definitely felt…not great when i read them. this took away from the full power of this book for me.
overall i did enjoy it! thank you so much to @goodreads and @penguinrandomhouse for the advanced copy! to be published July 12th
memoir in essays
author of I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter
cw: abortion, depression, suicidal ideation, psychiatric hospitalization
this was such a mixture for me. there are many incredibly engrossing and meaningful essays that touched me to my soul. Sánchez graciously shares the intricate details of her depression and suicidal ideation and how at times it completely enraptured her life. she shares the story of her abortion and describes the complexities that exist around being pro-choice while also struggling with difficulties of the experience of abortion - something that is often not discussed within the movement for fear of it diminishing the argument of having this choice. it’s eerie and hard to read about her experience while living in a society that has recently overturned roe v. wade. Sánchez also writes about her experience as a Mexican woman and how this has shaped her life. she is so honest about her dating and sex life in many of the essays.
there were also some essays that felt really meandering and contained so many references to books, authors, and other art pieces that i felt like i was reading an art appreciation text. and some things she said definitely felt…not great when i read them. this took away from the full power of this book for me.
overall i did enjoy it! thank you so much to @goodreads and @penguinrandomhouse for the advanced copy! to be published July 12th
October 6, 2022
The only reason I finished it was because it was so short. This was not what I was expecting...and proves my thesis right that I believe people who are under 50 should not write memoirs . She claims that she was very rebellious when she was younger but I still feel like she is trying to say things for shock value. Her vagina chapter did not need to be the first one...she just did it as click bait (it totally should still be in the book just not the first chapter). I thought a a fellow Hispanic woman I would relate to it more...and I did get it at times when she discussed body standards, education, and moving out...but she focused too much on religion/spirituality and I got bored. This also had way more mental health discussions than I was expecting...it's important but not what I was looking for. I can see why people like this, but not for me.
February 27, 2023
3.5/5 🌟
October 27, 2022
2.5* i may round it up later
The book is a collection of essays about Sánchez’s life and I can’t really say I learnt anything or got anything from any of them. If she had anything to say, I just didn’t get it.
The book is a collection of essays about Sánchez’s life and I can’t really say I learnt anything or got anything from any of them. If she had anything to say, I just didn’t get it.
August 13, 2022
Erika reveals very intimate details about her life, and I appreciate her honesty. It's very comforting to see other people discuss their battles with mental illness.
I would have loved to see more "showing" instead of "telling". It felt like she was stating facts about her life rather than painting a picture for readers to visualize. Such as, creating scenes with dialogue.
Instead of telling me about a person from your life, I prefer if you show me their personality through a scene where you interact. It felt more like I was reading an outline of the manuscript but she forgot to fill in the scenes with dialogue.
Also, the book is not told chronologically, which not my cup of tea.
My favorite part was the ending. Those last few chapters really were meaningful.
I would have loved to see more "showing" instead of "telling". It felt like she was stating facts about her life rather than painting a picture for readers to visualize. Such as, creating scenes with dialogue.
Instead of telling me about a person from your life, I prefer if you show me their personality through a scene where you interact. It felt more like I was reading an outline of the manuscript but she forgot to fill in the scenes with dialogue.
Also, the book is not told chronologically, which not my cup of tea.
My favorite part was the ending. Those last few chapters really were meaningful.
August 12, 2022
This was a confusing ride. On the one hand it’s everything I’d want in a memoir: blunt, funny, open about race, sexuality, mental health. And yet, I just didn’t enjoy it that much. Even though Erika L. Sanchez delves deep into her personal hells, highest hopes, bad and good choices, I always felt she was keeping the reader at arms length. Willing to write about things matter of factly but without the vulnerability you would think might come naturally from revealing her struggles. It felt very much like hearing the narrative without feeling a story. If that makes sense. Like she was behind glass.
I wonder if it’s just the style of her memoir and I if I might enjoy her novel or poetry more, so I might still pick one of those up.
Honestly, just thought it would be better. It’s fine.
I wonder if it’s just the style of her memoir and I if I might enjoy her novel or poetry more, so I might still pick one of those up.
Honestly, just thought it would be better. It’s fine.
August 16, 2022
I loved this memoir, even more than her debut fiction. It helps that I grew up just a few miles (and a decade before) this author. I am also the daughter of a Mexican immigrant. I found so much common ground. I love the rawness, the brutal honesty even when it’s raunchy and painful. I appreciate the vulnerability, especially about her mental health struggles. Really loved this.
July 31, 2022
This book, this marvel, this masterpiece, that I consumed in one sitting, only stopping to take a ten minute shower and eat cold Chinese Food transcends everything that I ever thought could be possible in a book. Erika L. Sanchez lays it all out and bares her soul to us. She is raw, unfiltered, vulnerable, and it's all absolutely stunning. Although the book was filled with profound suffering, I couldn't help but notice how she kept going through it despite the misery she acutely felt. Having a mental illness myself, reading her book made me think wow! I can survive this! I can be successful. The message will sit with me forever. Her life was a life of her making choices, that all made her become someone that she wanted despite highs and lows, and that is ok. I love that she was so courageous to discover many facades of life until her found what she craved and needed. Her writing is so captivating I was in a trance. She had awful struggles in a world that doesn't understand mental illness, reproductive rights and difficult decisions that woman must and should be allowed to make, and being brown in a world where white supremacy is on the rise to a shocking degree was something she navigated brilliantly. As a white woman, I will not be able to understand the feeling she has, but can appreciate the candid way she explains things. She had great fortune with her family accepting her flaws and loving her, that part was so beautiful it gave me chills. The honest, no nonsense way she writes about ideas of sex as a woman and also about waiting a career of her own before raising a family should not seem revolutionary but they are! This book is a letter to women everywhere saying: don't listen to others, live the life you want and need! Because she put her thoughts to paper and shared herself with the world and I can't imagine how much guts that takes. Thank you for your deep honestly about so many different aspects of life and what happens if you say: I am picking my own pen, my own paper, and I am writing my own story. That is exactly what Ericka L. Sanchez did, and I am forever in her debt for this wondrous gift that I have been longing for - hope. Hope that as someone with a mental illness there is a light, you have to go through a tunnel to get there. Once you do, the brightest light will greet you.
January 2, 2023
This was a difficult review to write because I felt conflicted by many elements of this book. It’s obvious that this was written by a woman who has suffered. Whether from physical pain or debilitating depression, the suffering rings true. Ms. Sanchez speaks openly about her Mexican heritage and growing up as a “brown” person in America. She loves her family but struggles against the restraints of a conservative Catholic upbringing. She is foul mouthed and proud of it. She laughs loud, her humor is in-your-face raunchy and she says she doesn’t care if she offends. At times I felt the author was quite brave.
She is also very angry, some righteous some not so much. Maybe it was therapeutic putting it on paper. I hope so. A few of the difficult situations she lands in are, at least in part, of her own making and she doesn’t seem to want to accept any personal responsibility. I didn’t always understand what she was trying to communicate and was confused on the timelines.
Throughout the book there also was an ongoing thread of deep dislike for white people. The author never expanded on why she felt that way. There were no specific examples from her own life. The comments were just thrown off as if it was a well known fact that all whites are racist and live a life of privilege. Are we ever going to move away from making generalized statements about entire swathes of the human population? All that does is perpetuate stereotypes and divides us further.
She is also very angry, some righteous some not so much. Maybe it was therapeutic putting it on paper. I hope so. A few of the difficult situations she lands in are, at least in part, of her own making and she doesn’t seem to want to accept any personal responsibility. I didn’t always understand what she was trying to communicate and was confused on the timelines.
Throughout the book there also was an ongoing thread of deep dislike for white people. The author never expanded on why she felt that way. There were no specific examples from her own life. The comments were just thrown off as if it was a well known fact that all whites are racist and live a life of privilege. Are we ever going to move away from making generalized statements about entire swathes of the human population? All that does is perpetuate stereotypes and divides us further.
December 21, 2022
“Por lo general se alaba la resiliencia de las mujeres de color, pero lo que con demasiada frecuencia se pasa por alto es que nuestra resiliencia es una respuesta a tantas formas de violencia. Para nosotras la resilencia es algo más que un noble rasgo de carácter: es un estilo de vida que la opresión nos ha exigido. O nos adaptamos o morimos.”
Cuando leí en las primeras páginas la frase con la que inicie mi reseña supe que este sería un libro con el que me iba a identificar un chingo.
Erika se desnuda de a poco en estos ensayos que son como un auto reflejo, como mexicanas nos vamos a encontrar en más de uno de estas memorias porque compartimos un enfoque cultural y tradicionalista que nos va a tocar a fondo.
Llore varias de sus historias, me reí de otras tantas y aprendí muchísimo sobre la sanación propia, sobre el autoconocimiento y el orgullo de la identidad.
Me encanto su irreverencia. Estoy segura que como mexicanas (muy especialmente) todas deberíamos de leer este libro ❤️🔥
Cuando leí en las primeras páginas la frase con la que inicie mi reseña supe que este sería un libro con el que me iba a identificar un chingo.
Erika se desnuda de a poco en estos ensayos que son como un auto reflejo, como mexicanas nos vamos a encontrar en más de uno de estas memorias porque compartimos un enfoque cultural y tradicionalista que nos va a tocar a fondo.
Llore varias de sus historias, me reí de otras tantas y aprendí muchísimo sobre la sanación propia, sobre el autoconocimiento y el orgullo de la identidad.
Me encanto su irreverencia. Estoy segura que como mexicanas (muy especialmente) todas deberíamos de leer este libro ❤️🔥
November 16, 2022
Crying in the bathroom is a memoir. There is a reason why I don’t normally like memoirs. Because I really don’t care about other people’s lives. And now especially I don’t care about Erica Sanchez‘a. She is what I would normally say is a crybaby. I wish I didn’t waste my time
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September 9, 2022Erika Sanchez can certainly spin a beautiful sentence! Choose the book though, not the audio….she elected to narrate her own story & it was tricky for her 🫤
December 31, 2022
The last essays were okay, and moved me a bit, but I could barely read the way to them. The book feels messy, maybe after a few more rounds of edition, or some more few years before releasing a memoir, I would've liked it a bit more. I read this after disliking I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, thinking maybe I would be proven wrong for my disliking, but none of it happened. It was somewhat irking that the author kept trying to make deep commentary on common Mexican Spanish phrases. In general, I think Sánchez' writing feels aimed at Americans so it's not for me to relate. I just confirmed that Erika Sánchez is not meant for me and that's okay!
June 23, 2023
Sí existe un libro que hay que darle una oportunidad es este de Erika L. Sánchez, desde ahora me comprometo a leer todos los libros de esta autora, ha sido como una nueva revelación en mi vida.
Es un libro con ensayos en los que vamos conociendo a una mujer en diferentes facetas de su vida y en cada una de ellas podemos ver como se autodescubre, en este caso es una autoexploración de la autora en la que nos va narrando su historia y todo lo que ella va sintiendo.
Es un libro que reflejo de mucha sinceridad. Habla mucho sobre la salud mental, la depresión, aborto, suicidio, ser hija de padres inmigrantes en un país diferente culturalmente de donde provienen sus familiares.
En fin es un libro imperdible que quedara por siempre en mi memoria.
“Lloré esa noche y parte de la mañana siguiente. No era que estuviera enamorada de ese hombre que apenas conocía. Era que me había decepcionado, cómo todos los demás hombres”.
“Cuando eres una mujer joven, el solo hecho de tener un cuerpo es un riesgo”.
Es un libro con ensayos en los que vamos conociendo a una mujer en diferentes facetas de su vida y en cada una de ellas podemos ver como se autodescubre, en este caso es una autoexploración de la autora en la que nos va narrando su historia y todo lo que ella va sintiendo.
Es un libro que reflejo de mucha sinceridad. Habla mucho sobre la salud mental, la depresión, aborto, suicidio, ser hija de padres inmigrantes en un país diferente culturalmente de donde provienen sus familiares.
En fin es un libro imperdible que quedara por siempre en mi memoria.
“Lloré esa noche y parte de la mañana siguiente. No era que estuviera enamorada de ese hombre que apenas conocía. Era que me había decepcionado, cómo todos los demás hombres”.
“Cuando eres una mujer joven, el solo hecho de tener un cuerpo es un riesgo”.
December 21, 2022
A really beautiful, funny, and honest book about mental health, race, and womanhood. I loved it and felt like I learned a lot from it about myself and other people.
March 19, 2023
Made me cry on the subway.
June 21, 2023
I really disliked this book. The only reason I gave it 2 stars instead of 1 is because, despite her blatant disgust for and racism towards white people, I related to her thoughts and feelings on a few things and appreciated those moments of the memoir.
For starters, and I just have to say it, (some) white girls who grew up in Chicago were also poor. White girls also get sexually assaulted. Non-rich white girls also "eat, pray, love" their way to "finding themselves."
Does she think she was the only person in Chicago cornered in their backyard by an unknown man? Does she think she was the only person in Chicago who witnessed a man masturbating in the alley on her walk to school? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Does she think any of that had to do with race or social or economic status? Maybe it has to do with the city. Maybe it has to do with the times. Maybe it was just everywhere, because her and I lived on opposite sides of the city. For someone who traveled so much and, presumably, met so many people, you would think she would have discovered that, for those who didn't grow up in a major city (even brown people), they didn't experience such things.
And then let's talk about how hypocritical she portrays herself. Constantly talking about "white women" privy to all the things. Except she's experienced more international travel and culture than nearly most "white" people I know. As a white, Catholic woman born in Chicago proper who went to school with more than half of the students hispanic, I'm the first person to be proud of others for beating the stereotype of "uneducated, factory worker" and experiencing college and a job they love. But why is she constantly putting other, non-brown people down who also work hard to get there?
And then she's bashing Cicero (which I don't know much about myself) saying that people who stay in the area and marry a "Tony" believe "Blue Lives Matter." Did she or did she not say that the man she met, moved in with, loved and married lives on the North Side. You think it stays safe and a wholesome place for families because there are no police patrolling the area? Does she actually not know one family member or friend who is in law enforcement and truly believes their lives don't matter?
To further hone in on the constant comments of "privilege," she and her husband upgraded their house so that they each had an office. Congrats to them, but if she thinks every white person in the city is privy to that, she is mistaken. Many, many hardworking, Chicago natives make a decent living and can't afford a house, let alone one with a bedroom for every kid and 2 offices.
One of her last thoughts in the book, post-COVID is wondering "what crazy shit a white person will say to her next." Yet she wants to travel to Paris with her daughter (while not the entire population there is white, surely she realizes it is a white culture and she'll have to interact with white people). The hypocrisy. As another strong women with a voice who "refuses to disappear," I just couldn't let these rude and clearly derogatory comments go unnoticed. You know, a few bad seeds don't define an entire race and I hope that this book, written in a time when things were intensified and capitalized by the media, was just an outlet for temporary venting and that she doesn't actually feel this strongly against an entire race of people. It was hard to even focus on some of the better stories in her memoir because practically every single one of them shamed a person for being white.
For starters, and I just have to say it, (some) white girls who grew up in Chicago were also poor. White girls also get sexually assaulted. Non-rich white girls also "eat, pray, love" their way to "finding themselves."
Does she think she was the only person in Chicago cornered in their backyard by an unknown man? Does she think she was the only person in Chicago who witnessed a man masturbating in the alley on her walk to school? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Does she think any of that had to do with race or social or economic status? Maybe it has to do with the city. Maybe it has to do with the times. Maybe it was just everywhere, because her and I lived on opposite sides of the city. For someone who traveled so much and, presumably, met so many people, you would think she would have discovered that, for those who didn't grow up in a major city (even brown people), they didn't experience such things.
And then let's talk about how hypocritical she portrays herself. Constantly talking about "white women" privy to all the things. Except she's experienced more international travel and culture than nearly most "white" people I know. As a white, Catholic woman born in Chicago proper who went to school with more than half of the students hispanic, I'm the first person to be proud of others for beating the stereotype of "uneducated, factory worker" and experiencing college and a job they love. But why is she constantly putting other, non-brown people down who also work hard to get there?
And then she's bashing Cicero (which I don't know much about myself) saying that people who stay in the area and marry a "Tony" believe "Blue Lives Matter." Did she or did she not say that the man she met, moved in with, loved and married lives on the North Side. You think it stays safe and a wholesome place for families because there are no police patrolling the area? Does she actually not know one family member or friend who is in law enforcement and truly believes their lives don't matter?
To further hone in on the constant comments of "privilege," she and her husband upgraded their house so that they each had an office. Congrats to them, but if she thinks every white person in the city is privy to that, she is mistaken. Many, many hardworking, Chicago natives make a decent living and can't afford a house, let alone one with a bedroom for every kid and 2 offices.
One of her last thoughts in the book, post-COVID is wondering "what crazy shit a white person will say to her next." Yet she wants to travel to Paris with her daughter (while not the entire population there is white, surely she realizes it is a white culture and she'll have to interact with white people). The hypocrisy. As another strong women with a voice who "refuses to disappear," I just couldn't let these rude and clearly derogatory comments go unnoticed. You know, a few bad seeds don't define an entire race and I hope that this book, written in a time when things were intensified and capitalized by the media, was just an outlet for temporary venting and that she doesn't actually feel this strongly against an entire race of people. It was hard to even focus on some of the better stories in her memoir because practically every single one of them shamed a person for being white.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 6, 2022
When I read I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika Sánchez a few years ago, I was enamored by Sánchez’s succinct and hardhitting depiction of a child of the diaspora struggling with depression. Her prose made me feel seen and helped me reconcile with my past and present, so when I saw that she had published a memoir I had to read it. I must say, Sánchez did NOT disappoint. In nine essays detailing her life story, Sánchez paints a self portrait of a woman yearning to feel alive in a world where women like her are expected to be docile and borderline nonexistent. Sánchez’s acerbically wicked sense of humor, penchant for great storytelling, and her love of the written word ties each essay and the book itself together beautifully. I love her kick-ass sense of style in regard to her depression and the absurdity of life in general. As she so perfectly put: “Better to laugh at the absurdity of your time on earth than to resign yourself to mourning all of life’s misfortunes. Laughter is a beautiful form of resilience, one that evinces a generosity of spirit.” I loved how the essays were structured, where Sánchez deep dives into her experiences to better understand her behavior and choices from her younger years. It made for a beautiful coming of age story for the reader. And for all the humor of the book, Sánchez also discusses political and social issues with a realistic nuance that is hard to come by in most feminist circles. Every chapter in this book was written so amazingly, and I can’t wait to see what Sánchez writes next! Definitely a new favorite author of mine 💜
October 2, 2022
Edit: Only 1k+ reviews and 330 people currently reading? We need to turn this around this ASAP!
The day I finished the audiobook I borrowed from the library, I went to the bookstore and paid for two copies --one for my best friend and one to keep-- because A) I had to have her name and picture in my house and B) we need to show publishers that we crave more books by brown authors.
Somebody said you have to name your demons, and that's what Erika did for me, for many pins and needles that I didn't know were there, but hurt nevertheless. And she does it savagely, with a pen that's wry as it's bull's eye accurate, that curses equally in Spanish or in English because formalities be damned when bilingualism is the form of the heart.
Her confrontations with misogyny, racism, religion, family, mental health, sex, love, motherhood, daughterhood, guilt, pleasure, identity, and a long list of etcetera, are the existential stuff I wish I had learned about when I was younger, but no, I'm grateful this book found me when life had given me enough lessons that I might appreciate it properly.
Gracias por tu voz Erika.
The day I finished the audiobook I borrowed from the library, I went to the bookstore and paid for two copies --one for my best friend and one to keep-- because A) I had to have her name and picture in my house and B) we need to show publishers that we crave more books by brown authors.
Somebody said you have to name your demons, and that's what Erika did for me, for many pins and needles that I didn't know were there, but hurt nevertheless. And she does it savagely, with a pen that's wry as it's bull's eye accurate, that curses equally in Spanish or in English because formalities be damned when bilingualism is the form of the heart.
Her confrontations with misogyny, racism, religion, family, mental health, sex, love, motherhood, daughterhood, guilt, pleasure, identity, and a long list of etcetera, are the existential stuff I wish I had learned about when I was younger, but no, I'm grateful this book found me when life had given me enough lessons that I might appreciate it properly.
Gracias por tu voz Erika.
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