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Pure: Why the Bible's Plan for Sexuality Isn't Outdated, Irrelevant, or Oppressive
Few things bring more immediate scrutiny and impassioned angst among young adult Christians today than hearing the words “purity culture.” Serious flaws from purity culture deserve to be scrutinized, especially given its lasting negative effects on some raised in the movement. Many Christians today reject the movement—and all that it stood for—wholesale. However, we can’t ignore the clear sexual ethics of the Bible. Pure dives into the big picture of God’s design for men and women regarding sexuality, and seeks to reclaim one of the clearest teaching in the the call to sexual purity. While purity culture gets the truth right, the approach and gospel elements it espouses are often wrong. Let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water, but rather celebrate God’s great design for marriage and the loving boundaries he has put in place for our joy, protection, and flourishing.
192 pages, Paperback
First published May 3, 2022
15 people are currently reading
292 people want to read
About the author
Dean Inserra
10 books28 followersDEAN INSERRA is a graduate of Liberty University and holds a M.A. in Theological Studies from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is pursuing a D. Min. from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and is the founding pastor of City Church. He is passionate about reaching the city of Tallahassee with the Gospel, to see a worldwide impact made for Jesus. Dean is married to Krissie and they have two sons, Tommy and Ty, and one daughter, Sally Ashlyn. He likes baseball, wrestling, and the Miami Hurricanes. He believes Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback and that everyone who disagrees holds the right to be wrong.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
June 21, 2024
It seems there is no shortage of books coming out on the topic of culture vs Biblical sexuality. In that publishing setting, it’s easy for some books to feel redundant; but that’s not the case with this book!
I found its message to be unique in that it attempts to analyze Christian “purity culture” of the 1990s-2000s with a more balanced and nuanced approach: how can we appreciate the Biblical standards it was trying to uphold while being honest about the detrimental views of purity or taught? Instead of encouraging purity based on a form of a “prosperity gospel”, it champions the Biblical sexual ethic as a means to display God’s glory and the beauty of the gospel; it’s gives a call to holiness in response to a God who loves us deeply, not because of legalism and rules.
I especially like what he had to say in the chapters on porn and modesty, and his courage to lovingly call out churches who are weak on the sexuality issue.
Short in length and with concise chapters, it’s good for parents & teens who are desiring to love a life of set-apart holiness. Highly recommend!
I found its message to be unique in that it attempts to analyze Christian “purity culture” of the 1990s-2000s with a more balanced and nuanced approach: how can we appreciate the Biblical standards it was trying to uphold while being honest about the detrimental views of purity or taught? Instead of encouraging purity based on a form of a “prosperity gospel”, it champions the Biblical sexual ethic as a means to display God’s glory and the beauty of the gospel; it’s gives a call to holiness in response to a God who loves us deeply, not because of legalism and rules.
I especially like what he had to say in the chapters on porn and modesty, and his courage to lovingly call out churches who are weak on the sexuality issue.
Short in length and with concise chapters, it’s good for parents & teens who are desiring to love a life of set-apart holiness. Highly recommend!
June 3, 2022
DISCLAIMER: I received a complimentary copy of the book from the publisher. Opinions expressed are my own.
As I’ve attempted to write this review, I find myself straddling an odd line between reviewing and retelling, which I don’t consider to be my purpose—even for nonfiction. For this reason, I’m going to start the review with the recommendation status, and then list some favorite quotes, plus a few of my favorite parts/arguments, as well as a bit of respectful discussion/critique. I say this as a disclaimer: I’m not going to try to be as comprehensive in this review, in terms of laying out ALL of my opinions, because I’ve found that it’s simply too hard to do this for such a “packed” book with so many ideas I’m passionate about
Recommendation Status
I don’t usually “star” my reviews on my blog, but if I were to rate this book, I would want to give it more than five stars. I so strongly resonate with Inserra’s thesis: Purity isn’t about relationship with people; it’s about relationship with God. Likewise, abstaining from premarital sex isn’t something Christians do to honor their prospective spouses, but to honor God.
Each of Inserra’s arguments spring from the idea of intimacy with Jesus, because He is the One we’re following— not to mention, God is the One who designed sex. I strongly resonate with Inserra’s central argument, which has often been the basis of my writing on this blog. For instance, I have written about the impurity of idolizing romantic interests in books, even if the characters don’t have sex.
While I don’t agree with every single argument Inserra makes, I completely agree with the foundation of his arguments. This is a book I would HIGHLY recommend and I can see it being a favorite for years to come.
What to Expect
Having grown up in the height of purity culture, author Dean Inserra unpacks its origins, customs and repercussions. Inserra highlights the biblical roots of purity culture, but also points out a MAJOR flaw in purity culture: it’s all based on the prospective spouse, not relationship with Jesus Christ. As such, purity culture became a form of legalism, rather than an expression of honor, worship and trust in God. The problem with purity culture is not God’s laws. It’s idolizing the spouse.
After discussing the pitfalls of purity culture, Inserra then highlights seven lies that the world tells about relationships and sexuality— comparing them to what God says in His Word. Inserra discusses the “expectation” of sex, treatment of marriage, normalization of pornography, legitimization of homosexuality, treatment of sex in the church, temptations of adultery and prevalence of cohabitation.
The last section of the book is a prospective look at how individuals, and the church, can move forward from the harm of purity culture, while embracing the fulfillment found in intimacy with Jesus (and how that plays out in singleness and in marriage).
Favorite Quotes
"Waving the white flag of surrender over something so clear and precious in Scripture as God’s design for sex and marriage cannot be the answer to correcting purity culture. The answer is to recover and pursue God’s design as He continues to restore a broken people to Himself…"
From Chapter 1: “Purity Culture & ‘True Love Waits’”
"The answer is not to “kiss dating goodbye” or try to overhaul a central component of our society, but rather to embrace the fact that following Jesus will interfere with our lives — even our dating lives –and that this should cause us to approach dating relationships differently."
From Chapter 2: “Purity Culture & ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’”
"The difference for Christians is that we don’t define love apart from who God is and what He has commanded His people to do."
From Chapter 7: “Lie No. 4: ‘Gay is Okay’”
What I Liked
I began devouring this book as soon as I received it. Whereas I sometimes have to deliberately allot time to read nonfiction (because of my strong preference for fiction), I was cramming this one down. It was SUCH a refreshing blessing to read in this “in a warped and crooked generation” (Phil. 2:15).
The writing is engaging and the message is so strongly centered on Jesus. While readers may react differently to some of Inserra’s subpoints, each argument returns unapologetically to the theme of deep relationship with Jesus. Here are some of my favorite ideas from the book:
1. Dating
In chapter two, Inserra discusses the seminal purity book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. While I never read this book, I have frequently heard the title. Although Inserra does not propone courtship, because of the intensity it can cultivate in an unmarried relationship, he does outline a countercultural approach to dating.
Using the term “no regrets dating,” Inserra recommends dating relationships that:
Don’t mistake dating for marriage (in terms of emotional intimacy, for one)
I really liked that Inserra points out that a dating partner does NOT have the authority of a husband described in Scripture.
Are intentional, with intentions clearly expressed
Refrains from physicality
Inserra actually uses the word “foreplay” in this passage, referring to the events that precede sex and, while I feel squeamish about typing this, he raises a really good point when he says that it is not meant “to stop before a climax.” Instead, it is meant to be part of the oneness of marriage, which God set forth.
Are not treated as covenantal (where partners feel obligated to remain in a relationship that is not headed towards marriage)
Inserra differentiates dating from courtship on the basis that courtship adds pressure to the relationship. However, his model sounds a lot like courtship, to me. The points about emotional intimacy and physicality really stood out to me.
2. Homosexuality/Identity
I found this chapter to be so refreshing because, while Inserra is not afraid to acknowledge that homosexuality IS a sin, he also makes the important point that there are many ways sexuality has been broken. Both of these ideas are true, but I feel like there’s often more emphasis on the latter. I also really liked Inserra’s points about identity and sexuality: “When you’re in Christ,” he notes, “no other thing forms your identity” (p. 93). While culture tries to frame our sense of self in terms of sexuality, this is not in keeping with God’s teaching in the Bible. Inserra reiterates this point in a later chapter, stating, “Sex is not ‘who you are’” (p. 168).
3. Marriage as Allegory
This was actually just one line of the text, but it really stuck out to me because allegory is my favorite genre. The verse in Corinthians about the profound mystery of marriage has been one of my favorites for several years (which I allude to here), but I have never heard the term “allegory” used to describe the relationship between Christ and His body. I think it is absolutely beautiful that Inserra uses this description. I also like that Inserra references the analogy in the discussion of marital faithfulness.
Discussion/Critique
Modesty
The chapter on pornography includes a discussion of modesty. I do appreciate Inserra’s sensitivity in quoting a woman’s perspective on the subject, rather than simply offering his perspective, as a guy, about how girls should be dressing. I also appreciate that he makes a point to note that we are NOT accountable for other people’s sin.
Inserra does, however, reference the “stumbling block” verse in conjunction with his discussion of modesty. He’s certainly not the first person to do this, but I do believe this verse is being taken out of context. In its original context (Romans 14) the verse is about not setting a confusing example for a young believer, specifically in regards to eating foods that have been offered to idols.
While the principle has obvious application in other situations, the verse is about causing someone else to sin by setting an example of doing something (in good conscience) that it would violate the other believer’s conscience to do. It’s about modeling a behavior. Therefore, it’s apples and oranges to say that a woman places a “stumbling block” in front of a man when she dresses a certain way.
Audience
This is partial “content” and partial “preference.” One of the chapters, “Lie No. 5: My Bedroom is My Choice,” discusses intimacy in the context of marriage. This was a rather uncomforatble chapter, for me, as an unmarried person. Of course, it is very easy to make me uncomfortable when it comes to this topic, in general— maybe I’d still feel weird reading it, even if I was married. Because the author bases his argument on Scripture, there’s nothing “inappropriate” about it. Obviously, these are ideas God wants people to think about. However, this chapter felt much more tailored to married people, in my opinion.
Additionally, the content geared towards singles is mostly for those who do hope to get married. Inserra makes some encouraging points, for these readers, in definitive contrast with the idea that marriage is a status symbol (something else I’ve written about). I think for readers in that boat, this would be an encouraging chapter.
Conclusion
Although I don’t agree with every word of the book, this is still one of the best books I’ve read! I would definitely recommend it, with the discretionary notes about audience, above.
As I’ve attempted to write this review, I find myself straddling an odd line between reviewing and retelling, which I don’t consider to be my purpose—even for nonfiction. For this reason, I’m going to start the review with the recommendation status, and then list some favorite quotes, plus a few of my favorite parts/arguments, as well as a bit of respectful discussion/critique. I say this as a disclaimer: I’m not going to try to be as comprehensive in this review, in terms of laying out ALL of my opinions, because I’ve found that it’s simply too hard to do this for such a “packed” book with so many ideas I’m passionate about
Recommendation Status
I don’t usually “star” my reviews on my blog, but if I were to rate this book, I would want to give it more than five stars. I so strongly resonate with Inserra’s thesis: Purity isn’t about relationship with people; it’s about relationship with God. Likewise, abstaining from premarital sex isn’t something Christians do to honor their prospective spouses, but to honor God.
Each of Inserra’s arguments spring from the idea of intimacy with Jesus, because He is the One we’re following— not to mention, God is the One who designed sex. I strongly resonate with Inserra’s central argument, which has often been the basis of my writing on this blog. For instance, I have written about the impurity of idolizing romantic interests in books, even if the characters don’t have sex.
While I don’t agree with every single argument Inserra makes, I completely agree with the foundation of his arguments. This is a book I would HIGHLY recommend and I can see it being a favorite for years to come.
What to Expect
Having grown up in the height of purity culture, author Dean Inserra unpacks its origins, customs and repercussions. Inserra highlights the biblical roots of purity culture, but also points out a MAJOR flaw in purity culture: it’s all based on the prospective spouse, not relationship with Jesus Christ. As such, purity culture became a form of legalism, rather than an expression of honor, worship and trust in God. The problem with purity culture is not God’s laws. It’s idolizing the spouse.
After discussing the pitfalls of purity culture, Inserra then highlights seven lies that the world tells about relationships and sexuality— comparing them to what God says in His Word. Inserra discusses the “expectation” of sex, treatment of marriage, normalization of pornography, legitimization of homosexuality, treatment of sex in the church, temptations of adultery and prevalence of cohabitation.
The last section of the book is a prospective look at how individuals, and the church, can move forward from the harm of purity culture, while embracing the fulfillment found in intimacy with Jesus (and how that plays out in singleness and in marriage).
Favorite Quotes
"Waving the white flag of surrender over something so clear and precious in Scripture as God’s design for sex and marriage cannot be the answer to correcting purity culture. The answer is to recover and pursue God’s design as He continues to restore a broken people to Himself…"
From Chapter 1: “Purity Culture & ‘True Love Waits’”
"The answer is not to “kiss dating goodbye” or try to overhaul a central component of our society, but rather to embrace the fact that following Jesus will interfere with our lives — even our dating lives –and that this should cause us to approach dating relationships differently."
From Chapter 2: “Purity Culture & ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’”
"The difference for Christians is that we don’t define love apart from who God is and what He has commanded His people to do."
From Chapter 7: “Lie No. 4: ‘Gay is Okay’”
What I Liked
I began devouring this book as soon as I received it. Whereas I sometimes have to deliberately allot time to read nonfiction (because of my strong preference for fiction), I was cramming this one down. It was SUCH a refreshing blessing to read in this “in a warped and crooked generation” (Phil. 2:15).
The writing is engaging and the message is so strongly centered on Jesus. While readers may react differently to some of Inserra’s subpoints, each argument returns unapologetically to the theme of deep relationship with Jesus. Here are some of my favorite ideas from the book:
1. Dating
In chapter two, Inserra discusses the seminal purity book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. While I never read this book, I have frequently heard the title. Although Inserra does not propone courtship, because of the intensity it can cultivate in an unmarried relationship, he does outline a countercultural approach to dating.
Using the term “no regrets dating,” Inserra recommends dating relationships that:
Don’t mistake dating for marriage (in terms of emotional intimacy, for one)
I really liked that Inserra points out that a dating partner does NOT have the authority of a husband described in Scripture.
Are intentional, with intentions clearly expressed
Refrains from physicality
Inserra actually uses the word “foreplay” in this passage, referring to the events that precede sex and, while I feel squeamish about typing this, he raises a really good point when he says that it is not meant “to stop before a climax.” Instead, it is meant to be part of the oneness of marriage, which God set forth.
Are not treated as covenantal (where partners feel obligated to remain in a relationship that is not headed towards marriage)
Inserra differentiates dating from courtship on the basis that courtship adds pressure to the relationship. However, his model sounds a lot like courtship, to me. The points about emotional intimacy and physicality really stood out to me.
2. Homosexuality/Identity
I found this chapter to be so refreshing because, while Inserra is not afraid to acknowledge that homosexuality IS a sin, he also makes the important point that there are many ways sexuality has been broken. Both of these ideas are true, but I feel like there’s often more emphasis on the latter. I also really liked Inserra’s points about identity and sexuality: “When you’re in Christ,” he notes, “no other thing forms your identity” (p. 93). While culture tries to frame our sense of self in terms of sexuality, this is not in keeping with God’s teaching in the Bible. Inserra reiterates this point in a later chapter, stating, “Sex is not ‘who you are’” (p. 168).
3. Marriage as Allegory
This was actually just one line of the text, but it really stuck out to me because allegory is my favorite genre. The verse in Corinthians about the profound mystery of marriage has been one of my favorites for several years (which I allude to here), but I have never heard the term “allegory” used to describe the relationship between Christ and His body. I think it is absolutely beautiful that Inserra uses this description. I also like that Inserra references the analogy in the discussion of marital faithfulness.
Discussion/Critique
Modesty
The chapter on pornography includes a discussion of modesty. I do appreciate Inserra’s sensitivity in quoting a woman’s perspective on the subject, rather than simply offering his perspective, as a guy, about how girls should be dressing. I also appreciate that he makes a point to note that we are NOT accountable for other people’s sin.
Inserra does, however, reference the “stumbling block” verse in conjunction with his discussion of modesty. He’s certainly not the first person to do this, but I do believe this verse is being taken out of context. In its original context (Romans 14) the verse is about not setting a confusing example for a young believer, specifically in regards to eating foods that have been offered to idols.
While the principle has obvious application in other situations, the verse is about causing someone else to sin by setting an example of doing something (in good conscience) that it would violate the other believer’s conscience to do. It’s about modeling a behavior. Therefore, it’s apples and oranges to say that a woman places a “stumbling block” in front of a man when she dresses a certain way.
Audience
This is partial “content” and partial “preference.” One of the chapters, “Lie No. 5: My Bedroom is My Choice,” discusses intimacy in the context of marriage. This was a rather uncomforatble chapter, for me, as an unmarried person. Of course, it is very easy to make me uncomfortable when it comes to this topic, in general— maybe I’d still feel weird reading it, even if I was married. Because the author bases his argument on Scripture, there’s nothing “inappropriate” about it. Obviously, these are ideas God wants people to think about. However, this chapter felt much more tailored to married people, in my opinion.
Additionally, the content geared towards singles is mostly for those who do hope to get married. Inserra makes some encouraging points, for these readers, in definitive contrast with the idea that marriage is a status symbol (something else I’ve written about). I think for readers in that boat, this would be an encouraging chapter.
Conclusion
Although I don’t agree with every word of the book, this is still one of the best books I’ve read! I would definitely recommend it, with the discretionary notes about audience, above.
May 20, 2022
This is probably my favorite book by Inserra as of date! His handle of such a controversial topic even among evangelical culture centers on Christ work, which is a refreshing take amongst so many other books that seek to talk about purity based off of one’s pride or guilt. The book repeatedly centers the topic on the grace of God and the work of Jesus Christ! I highly recommended to anyone who is engaging in conversations around sex and sexuality!
February 21, 2023
Absolutely fantastic overview of biblical sexuality. Balance and particular attention to the overcorrection on this topic makes or breaks a book on sexuality for me. And this one was on point. I’m hoping to lead a book club for teens with this book soon. Highly recommend.
October 21, 2024
This is a fantastic book which discusses the biblical ethic on sexuality. Inserra rightly presents and defends the Christian ethic of sexuality, not just that what the Bible says is true, but also that it is beautiful. If you want a readable and approachable primer concerning Christian sexual ethics, this is the books for you.
One of the only things I could critique, if I was being picky, was that he focused too much on past Christian movements. However, I think that by doing that, he situates his book in both the cultural moment and where Christianity has been within the last few decades.
*Listened on audiobook, so I may have missed a thing or two.
One of the only things I could critique, if I was being picky, was that he focused too much on past Christian movements. However, I think that by doing that, he situates his book in both the cultural moment and where Christianity has been within the last few decades.
*Listened on audiobook, so I may have missed a thing or two.
October 17, 2022
Purity culture promised a lie to a past generation but promiscuity culture sells a lie to the present generation. Purity and promiscuity cultures have done great damage but a Bible sexual ethic leads to true fulfillment and human flourishing.
October 2, 2022
Well-written, biblically based view on God’s plan for sexuality. Highly recommend in the wake of purity culture.
April 13, 2024
A no-nonsense response to purity culture—what it got right, and what it got terribly wrong. The author is unapologetic in showing us what the Bible has to say and how it can and should be applied. His target audience is the church and his goal is to show how those of us in it can uphold the biblical sexual ethic.
My personal preference on this topic would be Rachel Welch’s Talking Back to Purity Culture, but I think it’s more a writing style preference than actual content. Both are really good and I would recommend either!
My personal preference on this topic would be Rachel Welch’s Talking Back to Purity Culture, but I think it’s more a writing style preference than actual content. Both are really good and I would recommend either!
February 1, 2023
Very good and very practical. I loved this book and I think everyone needs to read it.
June 21, 2022
Does God still have a say in our sexuality? In Pure, Dean Inserra explains why the Bible’s plan for sexuality isn’t outdated, irrelevant, or oppressive.
Careful Confrontation and Correction
Section 1, Setting the Stage, explains our current context having come out of the “Purity Culture” movement of the 90s. True Love Waits, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and the mantra of “it’s just sex” are examined. I appreciate Inserra’s understanding of Evangelical culture and how it has impacted those who grew up in it.
The bulk of the book takes place in Section 2: Passing Through: Living as Exiles in a Sex-Crazed World. Inserra analyzes 7 lies that have seeped into our culture, including “sex is expected,” “porn is the norm,” and “cohabitation just makes sense.” While I have heard these lies with increasing frequency from the world, Inserra has heard them consistently from collegians and young adults at his church. He carefully confronts and corrects these lies with truth from God’s Word.
Singleness, Sexual Sin, and Surprising Hope
I was most moved in Section 3: Where Do We Go from Here? A chapter on singleness reminds the reader that singleness is not a second-class status. And a chapter on overcoming sexual sin gives these four steps: (1) Feed, (2) Fellowship, (3) Flee, and (4) Flight. These practical steps remind us that “sexual sin is not inevitable for those who are in Christ.”
The book ends with a word to those who are broken from their sexual sin with encouragement to pursue Christian community, Biblical counseling, and embracing new life in Christ. In this way, the book ultimately ends on a surprisingly positive note.
Purity is Not Found in Pledge Cards
This book is a time capsule that looks back into purity culture with honesty and wisdom. But it also looks forward to new life in Christ. Purity is not found in pledge cards. We must cling to the cross, replacing purity culture with gospel culture. The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith (1 Timothy 1:5).
I received a media copy of Pure and this is my honest review.
Careful Confrontation and Correction
Section 1, Setting the Stage, explains our current context having come out of the “Purity Culture” movement of the 90s. True Love Waits, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and the mantra of “it’s just sex” are examined. I appreciate Inserra’s understanding of Evangelical culture and how it has impacted those who grew up in it.
The bulk of the book takes place in Section 2: Passing Through: Living as Exiles in a Sex-Crazed World. Inserra analyzes 7 lies that have seeped into our culture, including “sex is expected,” “porn is the norm,” and “cohabitation just makes sense.” While I have heard these lies with increasing frequency from the world, Inserra has heard them consistently from collegians and young adults at his church. He carefully confronts and corrects these lies with truth from God’s Word.
Singleness, Sexual Sin, and Surprising Hope
I was most moved in Section 3: Where Do We Go from Here? A chapter on singleness reminds the reader that singleness is not a second-class status. And a chapter on overcoming sexual sin gives these four steps: (1) Feed, (2) Fellowship, (3) Flee, and (4) Flight. These practical steps remind us that “sexual sin is not inevitable for those who are in Christ.”
The book ends with a word to those who are broken from their sexual sin with encouragement to pursue Christian community, Biblical counseling, and embracing new life in Christ. In this way, the book ultimately ends on a surprisingly positive note.
Purity is Not Found in Pledge Cards
This book is a time capsule that looks back into purity culture with honesty and wisdom. But it also looks forward to new life in Christ. Purity is not found in pledge cards. We must cling to the cross, replacing purity culture with gospel culture. The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith (1 Timothy 1:5).
I received a media copy of Pure and this is my honest review.
March 3, 2025
While this book is an attempt at apologetics on the topic of marriage and sexuality, it does little to grapple with the main concerns that many Christians and ex-Christians alike have been oppressed by their church’s doctrines.
The author attributes the resentment of ‘The Church’ to the specific movement of True Love Waits- a Christian organization popularized in the 90s to promote abstinence to teens and young adults. There was and still is criticism directed at this organization by others, however to say that the principles of this organization were the only thing wrong and not The Church’s overall sexualization of teens (especially girls), denial of homosexuality, tsk-ing masturbation, and pervading sexual abuse is ignoring the deeper part of this iceberg.
The author presents a very narrow ‘worldly’ view of marriage:
“The secular view of marriage in our day is the exact opposite: to the world, marriage is a capstone, not a cornerstone. Once you finish your master's degree, travel, save money, and maybe even buy a house or spend time living in your dream city, then, sure-if you really want to—get married.“
There are many who do this and many who don’t. It treats secular marriage as something that’s flippant, as though Christians don’t also get married despite whatever risks may pose for the couple themselves or their day-to-day lives.
Something in particular that I dislike is that there’s many assertions that elaborate very little or are too vague to make a clear point on.
“Part of living an unselfish life in marriage is doing things you sometimes don't want to do. To suggest that spouses should be willing to give themselves sexually to each other even at times when they might not feel like it is nowhere near the same category as being forced against one's will to do something cruel or inappropriate.”
What exactly did he mean by this? What is the threshold between ‘giving oneself’ sexually when you don’t want to and being ‘cruel or inappropriate’? Is ‘giving sex’ to your spouse even when you don’t feel comfortable cool with God? What are the lines between coercion and rape? What counts as marital rape?
The author doesn’t explain.
The author says that nudity/sex in something like Game of Thrones isn’t the same as marble statues. Why not? What’s the threshold between artistic nudity, artistic sexuality, nudity and sexuality as a storytelling device? There are graphic scenes of sex and rape told through the bible, why are these stories okay to read and learn from but not other stories?
The author doesn’t explain.
The author briefly mentions polygamy-
“An important exception would be anything that goes against God's design and the covenant of marriage (such as a polygamous encounter)…”
Why would God go against polygamy if many of his followers from the bible are notable polygamists? Why would God be okay with polygamy in one instance and not okay the next? What is stopping polygamy from being another form of marriage?
The author doesn’t explain.
The author tells a story about a young adult couple that were soon to be wed, but had moved in together a few months before the wedding for convenience and money-saving reasons. The author disapproved, saying they should get married on paper first before they cohabitate. Why is it that a piece of court paper a few months early makes the difference between good cohabitation and bad cohabitation? Why is the modern method of court documentation for marriage considered the same as the customs of the bible, both of which are radically different?
The author doesn’t explain.
The author doesn’t explain much. The author also doesn’t seem to consider that discrimination against people who don’t apply ‘biblical sex/marriage’ to their own lives is largely perpetuated by the church.
“Young generations don't know a world without gay marriage, pride month, and an all-out cultural celebration of all things gay…They don't know a world without same-sex wedding photos popping up in their Instagram feed and gay romantic relationships being normalized on TV. It is more normal than in previous generations to have openly gay friends and family members.”
This is a good thing, because the alternative was to shun gays, force them back into closets, fire them, kick them out of their homes, arrest them, beat them, rape them, and kill them. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather live in a world where someone can be open about their life without the fear of losing everything. If The Church’s stance is that gay people go back into hiding or pretend their sexuality can be reversed, then it should be a shock to no one that people would call that ‘oppressive’, never mind the countless studies done that show that ‘conversion therapy’ and social stigma objectively makes LGBT people’s lives worse.
I’ll leave this review on one final note:
“…sexual compatibility is not something Christians need to worry about.“
Lol
The author attributes the resentment of ‘The Church’ to the specific movement of True Love Waits- a Christian organization popularized in the 90s to promote abstinence to teens and young adults. There was and still is criticism directed at this organization by others, however to say that the principles of this organization were the only thing wrong and not The Church’s overall sexualization of teens (especially girls), denial of homosexuality, tsk-ing masturbation, and pervading sexual abuse is ignoring the deeper part of this iceberg.
The author presents a very narrow ‘worldly’ view of marriage:
“The secular view of marriage in our day is the exact opposite: to the world, marriage is a capstone, not a cornerstone. Once you finish your master's degree, travel, save money, and maybe even buy a house or spend time living in your dream city, then, sure-if you really want to—get married.“
There are many who do this and many who don’t. It treats secular marriage as something that’s flippant, as though Christians don’t also get married despite whatever risks may pose for the couple themselves or their day-to-day lives.
Something in particular that I dislike is that there’s many assertions that elaborate very little or are too vague to make a clear point on.
“Part of living an unselfish life in marriage is doing things you sometimes don't want to do. To suggest that spouses should be willing to give themselves sexually to each other even at times when they might not feel like it is nowhere near the same category as being forced against one's will to do something cruel or inappropriate.”
What exactly did he mean by this? What is the threshold between ‘giving oneself’ sexually when you don’t want to and being ‘cruel or inappropriate’? Is ‘giving sex’ to your spouse even when you don’t feel comfortable cool with God? What are the lines between coercion and rape? What counts as marital rape?
The author doesn’t explain.
The author says that nudity/sex in something like Game of Thrones isn’t the same as marble statues. Why not? What’s the threshold between artistic nudity, artistic sexuality, nudity and sexuality as a storytelling device? There are graphic scenes of sex and rape told through the bible, why are these stories okay to read and learn from but not other stories?
The author doesn’t explain.
The author briefly mentions polygamy-
“An important exception would be anything that goes against God's design and the covenant of marriage (such as a polygamous encounter)…”
Why would God go against polygamy if many of his followers from the bible are notable polygamists? Why would God be okay with polygamy in one instance and not okay the next? What is stopping polygamy from being another form of marriage?
The author doesn’t explain.
The author tells a story about a young adult couple that were soon to be wed, but had moved in together a few months before the wedding for convenience and money-saving reasons. The author disapproved, saying they should get married on paper first before they cohabitate. Why is it that a piece of court paper a few months early makes the difference between good cohabitation and bad cohabitation? Why is the modern method of court documentation for marriage considered the same as the customs of the bible, both of which are radically different?
The author doesn’t explain.
The author doesn’t explain much. The author also doesn’t seem to consider that discrimination against people who don’t apply ‘biblical sex/marriage’ to their own lives is largely perpetuated by the church.
“Young generations don't know a world without gay marriage, pride month, and an all-out cultural celebration of all things gay…They don't know a world without same-sex wedding photos popping up in their Instagram feed and gay romantic relationships being normalized on TV. It is more normal than in previous generations to have openly gay friends and family members.”
This is a good thing, because the alternative was to shun gays, force them back into closets, fire them, kick them out of their homes, arrest them, beat them, rape them, and kill them. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather live in a world where someone can be open about their life without the fear of losing everything. If The Church’s stance is that gay people go back into hiding or pretend their sexuality can be reversed, then it should be a shock to no one that people would call that ‘oppressive’, never mind the countless studies done that show that ‘conversion therapy’ and social stigma objectively makes LGBT people’s lives worse.
I’ll leave this review on one final note:
“…sexual compatibility is not something Christians need to worry about.“
Lol
December 13, 2023
This was the most in depth, helpful, and practical book I’ve ever read on the topic of sex and sexuality. He covers everything from homosexuality to dating to sex to toxic purity culture. He makes sure to include applications, rather than just showing you the issue and sending you on your way without showing how to help or fix the issue.
I especially appreciated his explanation about why purity culture is so bad. I know that it’s ruined a lot of peoples’ views of Christianity and how we view dating and marriage, but I didn’t understand why it was so awful, even from a Christian’s view point. He does a great job of explaining that we save ourselves for marriage because that’s what God commanded. Not for our husband or even so we’ll have a great marriage, but because we want to please our Lord and serve Him, and to promise we’ll be rewarded for being a virgin when we’re married is a false promise and causes a lot of heartbreak.
He talks about dating, and how to teach your children why dating is important, and how to do it in a respectful and God honoring way. That chapter was magnificent. The biggest thing I got out of it was how important it is to view your boyfriend or girlfriend as a brother or sister in Christ. You should obviously be trying to see if he or she would make a good husband or wife, but when you view him or her as your husband or wife, you’re giving parts of yourself away. You’re becoming too involved in the relationship and in the other person. Then if or when you break up, even if you didn’t have sex (but especially if you have sex) you’ve given so much of yourself to that relationship that the break up will crush you and tear you apart. It was such a good caution that I wish I had read before I started dating.
He has a chapter on singleness. He didn’t spend the whole time pitying the single person or saying “God has a wonderful plan, just be patient!”, but giving the single person what the Bible says about singleness and how to be content in it. I love that he didn’t leave singleness out of the issue as so many people do.
I especially appreciated his explanation about why purity culture is so bad. I know that it’s ruined a lot of peoples’ views of Christianity and how we view dating and marriage, but I didn’t understand why it was so awful, even from a Christian’s view point. He does a great job of explaining that we save ourselves for marriage because that’s what God commanded. Not for our husband or even so we’ll have a great marriage, but because we want to please our Lord and serve Him, and to promise we’ll be rewarded for being a virgin when we’re married is a false promise and causes a lot of heartbreak.
He talks about dating, and how to teach your children why dating is important, and how to do it in a respectful and God honoring way. That chapter was magnificent. The biggest thing I got out of it was how important it is to view your boyfriend or girlfriend as a brother or sister in Christ. You should obviously be trying to see if he or she would make a good husband or wife, but when you view him or her as your husband or wife, you’re giving parts of yourself away. You’re becoming too involved in the relationship and in the other person. Then if or when you break up, even if you didn’t have sex (but especially if you have sex) you’ve given so much of yourself to that relationship that the break up will crush you and tear you apart. It was such a good caution that I wish I had read before I started dating.
He has a chapter on singleness. He didn’t spend the whole time pitying the single person or saying “God has a wonderful plan, just be patient!”, but giving the single person what the Bible says about singleness and how to be content in it. I love that he didn’t leave singleness out of the issue as so many people do.
April 3, 2023
This book is a clear view of sex from the Bible, written kind of for those who were "victims" of the "True Love Waits" movement. It is not that the specific points here differ much from what that movement stood for(Inserra too stands for sexual purity before marriage etc.) but it's more against what the argumentation was and the methods that the movement used. Instead of shame, there is a more biblical way of pointing toward God first to get to that same, or better, result. Marriage is not everything, God is. So, it is not a radical shift in any way from the common Christian view on sexuality at all, and the book does not shy away from being clear or challenging.
The writing is as mentioned clear and makes this book an easy read, but lacks a bit in going into the details - often the argumentation is much more complicated than what the book assumes, and it thus misses out on the readers who really want to dig into what the bible says and why one way of reading is better than another. It is almost like the "True Love Waits" becomes a straw man that this book goes against because a purity movement like that always has both healthy and unhealthy sides to it.
The writing is as mentioned clear and makes this book an easy read, but lacks a bit in going into the details - often the argumentation is much more complicated than what the book assumes, and it thus misses out on the readers who really want to dig into what the bible says and why one way of reading is better than another. It is almost like the "True Love Waits" becomes a straw man that this book goes against because a purity movement like that always has both healthy and unhealthy sides to it.
August 1, 2022
The overarching purpose and message of this book is good and practical and true and helpful. However, I fee the main point could have been made without reference to an antiquated movement to which many young readers would not associate. At very least, a brief reference with an explanation of the True Love Waits movement would have been good and even helpful, but to constantly refer to it throughout the book, I believe, didn’t help the point. However, pointing out the ineffective reasoning for abstinence was certainly spot on. God ought to be our primary motivation for living any part of the Christian life.
I do overall highly recommend the book. It speaks directly to our current culture on sex.
I do overall highly recommend the book. It speaks directly to our current culture on sex.
April 18, 2023
"perhaps one of the greatest examples of what it looks like to "pick up your cross" in the twenty-first century Western world is for Christians to refuse to seek the benefits of marriage without the commitment of marriage".
a must-read for Christians! Inserra challenges many current societal standards on sexuality including the LGBTQ+ community, adultery, cohabitation and pre-marital sex; refocusing and reframing each topic in the light of the biblical position on sexuality and purity. Every argument is made with grace and understanding, whilst also challenging the reader - a very good read to help clarify purity as God intended and to provide practical encouragement to Christians in their walk with Jesus!
a must-read for Christians! Inserra challenges many current societal standards on sexuality including the LGBTQ+ community, adultery, cohabitation and pre-marital sex; refocusing and reframing each topic in the light of the biblical position on sexuality and purity. Every argument is made with grace and understanding, whilst also challenging the reader - a very good read to help clarify purity as God intended and to provide practical encouragement to Christians in their walk with Jesus!
May 23, 2022
PURE is a straight-forward, plain-talking resource for young adult Christians to guide them in making smart decisions concerning sex. The book is structured into three sections: Setting the Stage (explanations and pitfalls of the Purity Culture), Passing Through (reveals lies we as Christians face as we avoid conforming to worldly views), and Where do We Go from Here? (Bringing home the conviction that we must dispose of the bad purity movements/advice/views without disposing the truth of the Scriptures.)
Disclosure: #CoverLoverBookReview received a complimentary copy of this book.
Disclosure: #CoverLoverBookReview received a complimentary copy of this book.
December 3, 2024
Loved this book. The author articulated why “no sex before marriage” is not the point of purity. His last statement puts it well, reminding us that the call to purity is a call to unto the Gospel and not unto a (usually unknown, faceless) spouse.
August 15, 2022
Great perspective! Highly recommend!
August 24, 2024
Dean dispels a lot of the myths presented by the purity culture movement in the early 2000’s. He is straightforward and gets to the heart of the matter. A wonderful read!
August 31, 2022
"Purity culture has left quite a bad taste in the mouths of believers and unbelievers alike. If you type the phrase into Google, you’ll find numerous negative articles regarding this movement, some even published by Christian websites. While the proponents of purity culture started with good intentions of helping their youth to pursue purity and godliness, they made a lot of mistakes along the way and taught several very unbiblical ideas to thousands of teenagers all across the nation.
As more and more people are standing up and exposing the lies they were taught and the hypocrisy they witnessed within purity culture, it seems the pendulum is beginning to swing too far the other way. Instead of encouraging dating for the purpose of marriage and abstaining from sex, many people (including some professing Christians) are encouraging our youth to sleep with whomever they’re interested in to see if they’re “sexually compatible.” While this idea may agree with the ways of the world, it certainly does not agree with the Word of God. As Dean Inserra argues in his new book, Pure, Christians must stick to God’s design for sex..."
Continue reading my review at tristanycorgan.com/blog-pure !
As more and more people are standing up and exposing the lies they were taught and the hypocrisy they witnessed within purity culture, it seems the pendulum is beginning to swing too far the other way. Instead of encouraging dating for the purpose of marriage and abstaining from sex, many people (including some professing Christians) are encouraging our youth to sleep with whomever they’re interested in to see if they’re “sexually compatible.” While this idea may agree with the ways of the world, it certainly does not agree with the Word of God. As Dean Inserra argues in his new book, Pure, Christians must stick to God’s design for sex..."
Continue reading my review at tristanycorgan.com/blog-pure !
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