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God, Sex, and Your Marriage
Many Christian books talk about sexual issues within broader works on marriage, but few resources comprehensively and biblically guide couples specifically on sexual intimacy. God, Sex, and Your Marriage challenges the common assumptions couples have about sexuality and presents the richer biblical narrative of sex as a metaphor of God’s covenant love. Dr. Juli Slattery applies that biblical framework to the practical challenges in sexual intimacy. Godly sexuality extends far beyond sexual purity and calls us to sexual integrity. God invites every couple to view their sexual relationship, including their greatest struggles, as an avenue to learn about the nature of His covenant love. It’s God desire to make us more like Himself and sex within marriage is often a powerful training ground for godly character. That desire gives purpose and context to addressing pornography, healing from past wounds, sexual incompatibility, pursuing pleasure together, and forgiveness.
208 pages, Paperback
Published June 7, 2022
105 people are currently reading
484 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
August 20, 2023
I met Juli (the author) for an interview discussing my own book. In preparation for the interview, we had exchanged emails and some conversation about our ministry and positions on conversations surrounding sexuality. These conversations are important; getting things “wrong” in conversations about sexuality today can be devastating to a career and ministry. We both knew this.
It became clear that Juli and I probably fall on different sides of a few different theological conversations; but it was also clear to both of us that we were both trying to have a conversation on a different level than what we’re used to culturally. We had similar objectives and desires, even if at times we had differing convictions.
I say all of that to say this: Juli has managed, in this book, to help us have a better conversation about sexuality in marriage. In all honesty, I was amazed at her self-control, to not take the opportunity to “score points,” but instead stay focused on having that better conversation. It’s not that our social or cultural conversations about sexuality aren’t important — they most certainly are. But we are also in danger of missing a larger conversation that can take place simultaneously as we try to figure out some of these other things. Maybe even a better conversation can help us frame those others? We will see.
Dr. Slattery presents four pillars of healthy sexuality in marriage: Faithfulness, Intimate Knowing, Sacrificial Love, Passionate Celebration. The conversation assumes mutuality between husband and wife and was a refreshing look at principles that feel as though they are being overlooked in so many of our conversations today. These principles should be something that we could base any healthy marital relationship on.
Juli may have pointed us in the direction of a conversation that I’ve been longing to see — something that rises to a different level and discusses the things we know need to be cultivated. As someone who is very frustrated with resources on the topic of marriage and sexuality, this read inspired some hope.
It became clear that Juli and I probably fall on different sides of a few different theological conversations; but it was also clear to both of us that we were both trying to have a conversation on a different level than what we’re used to culturally. We had similar objectives and desires, even if at times we had differing convictions.
I say all of that to say this: Juli has managed, in this book, to help us have a better conversation about sexuality in marriage. In all honesty, I was amazed at her self-control, to not take the opportunity to “score points,” but instead stay focused on having that better conversation. It’s not that our social or cultural conversations about sexuality aren’t important — they most certainly are. But we are also in danger of missing a larger conversation that can take place simultaneously as we try to figure out some of these other things. Maybe even a better conversation can help us frame those others? We will see.
Dr. Slattery presents four pillars of healthy sexuality in marriage: Faithfulness, Intimate Knowing, Sacrificial Love, Passionate Celebration. The conversation assumes mutuality between husband and wife and was a refreshing look at principles that feel as though they are being overlooked in so many of our conversations today. These principles should be something that we could base any healthy marital relationship on.
Juli may have pointed us in the direction of a conversation that I’ve been longing to see — something that rises to a different level and discusses the things we know need to be cultivated. As someone who is very frustrated with resources on the topic of marriage and sexuality, this read inspired some hope.
June 18, 2024
“Whether you have a good sex life in your marriage or you are really struggling, God wants to reveal some truths that may transform how you view sex and intimacy.” Because I did not grow up in the church I haven’t been affected by “purity culture” but this book takes on a lot of the church-isms that have been used to paint an incomplete view of sex and intimacy in marriage. She uses a lot of peoples’ testimonies and scripture to describe the theory/vision she is unveiling and ultimately paints sex and intimacy as something we don’t master but work toward over years of growing closer to our spouse and Jesus.
July 23, 2024
This was an interesting book to listen to as a single person. My sister-in-law found it powerful and recommended it, and I read it mostly to be able to discuss with her. However, I do think it's worthwhile to listen to as a single. Cultivating a gospel-centered perspective on sex and considering what sex represents to Christians has value regardless of marital status.
This isn't a book for teens.
This isn't a book for teens.
June 6, 2022
This book will encourage you to think Biblically about your marriage and challenge you to keep growing. Many people compartmentalize their sex life, and don't understand that when sex becomes confusing God becomes confusing. Dr. Juli compassionately teaches us how our sex life and spiritual life are inextricably linked and why the God who created us cares deeply about both.
October 23, 2023
Definitely a must-read for any and all Christian married couples! Juli hits on the mark by calling out the fact that we all come from different backgrounds, ideas, mindsets, and expectations when it comes to sex and beautifully reminds us that we can ALWAYS be redeemed by God to grow in intimacy not only with our spouses, but with God Himself. This book accurately combines and compares our physical relationships to our spouse with our relationship with God and explains WHY we should care about our experiences with sex and how God designed it for us to enjoy! I will most likely be returning to this book in the future (of course, there’s always more ways to learn and grow)
March 4, 2024
Dr. Slatterly does a great job of pointing out what God’s design for sex is, what it symbolizes, and how to grow in intimacy in a way that reflects God’s covenant love for us in our marriages. I definitely had misconceptions about sex based on negative teachings from the church or lack of teaching, and I didn’t realize how much those continue to affect me even in marriage. This was freeing and encouraging, and helpful for any couple to read.
March 22, 2025
Incredible- Juli Slatery has truly outdone herself. She provides biblical precedent and support for how we join with God in covenantal love to pursue and love our husband or wife. God is so good to us, even when we sin, He chooses to love us. In our hurt and pain, God comforts us.
Whether you are looking for a way to start your marriage off right or a way to revitalize it with a focus on Jesus, look no farther than this book.
Whether you are looking for a way to start your marriage off right or a way to revitalize it with a focus on Jesus, look no farther than this book.
June 4, 2022
This is a much needed book to jumpstart the conversation about sex in our churches and within our own marriages. Instead of focusing on the rules around sex in Christian culture, Dr. Slattery challenges us to think deeper about our sexuality and intimacy with our spouse and God in a practical and relatable way. Truly for any Christian, single or married or those who wonder why sex was created in the first place and how it points to our deeper longing to be fully known and fully loved.
June 8, 2022
I’m reading this out loud with my husband. It is transformational in deepening our understanding of God and sex. Love the description of yada and her use of the word throughout chapter 5. The pillars are a great way to structure the content as well.
June 9, 2022
This book is an excellent read! It contains so much wisdom and information we should have learned a long time ago. Juli does a great job of demystifying God’s plan for sex in marriage. I believe it will be a help to many couples and heal a lot of pain in this area.
June 2, 2022
I’ve read several books on sex and marriage and this is absolutely one of the most helpful and practical I’ve ever read. Too often sex and marriage books have stereotypical ideas of what a husband and wife are like in a marriage. The author does a great job of presenting a variety of realistic marital issues and how she would address each one based on the principles of the book.
June 3, 2022
This book has changed how I view not only my relationship with my husband but my relationship with God! I love that this book is for people who are in a broken marriage and also people who have an amazing marriage. Her teachings highlight the grand love story of God’s love for us and the metaphor that we can draw from scripture. Best book I have read this year!!
January 24, 2023
I have been listening to Juli's podcast, Java with Juli for years and have learned so much from her. Because of that, I was so excited to pick up this book. It is full of practical advice without being cheesy. Juli discusses difficult topics with great sensitivity and compassion and this book is no exception.
November 8, 2022
Sensitively handled, stays away from sentimentality or cheesiness, and full of solid, Biblically-based advice for sex within marriage. This book didn't personally impact me as much as Dr. Slattery's other book, Rethinking Sexuality, but I think that has more to do with where I was when I first read it. There is a lot of helpful and hopeful content in this book, and my favorite things about it are: 1) the stories and examples from real life couples -- many of them made me cry 2) Dr. Slattery's emphasis on KNOWING JESUS as the solution to our struggles with sex. It is God's redeeming love that transforms lives, gives humility, redeems hurt, and enables us to be open, vulnerable, and sacrificial. Dr. Slattery rightly states that while things like counseling, opening up to other Christians, and spending time in prayer are good, they "are not magic bullets that heal you, but pathways to knowing a Savior who will free your captive heart. The journey of freedom isn't primarily about having enough willpower and self-discipline, but comes through knowing Jesus."
This book is at its strongest when it confronts lies directly with Scripture and illustrates God's passionate love for us with examples from the Bible. There are small portions of it -- mostly at the beginning -- that were not as interesting to me, but as I flip back through it I realize that it's probably because a lot of the initial content was covered in her other book. (And I have definitely not outgrown my need for the beginning chapters about a relationship with God being the foundation of a good sex life.)
I didn't realize there was a study guide included until I was like halfway through the book, so maybe next time I read it, or if I read it with my husband, I can use that!
This book is at its strongest when it confronts lies directly with Scripture and illustrates God's passionate love for us with examples from the Bible. There are small portions of it -- mostly at the beginning -- that were not as interesting to me, but as I flip back through it I realize that it's probably because a lot of the initial content was covered in her other book. (And I have definitely not outgrown my need for the beginning chapters about a relationship with God being the foundation of a good sex life.)
I didn't realize there was a study guide included until I was like halfway through the book, so maybe next time I read it, or if I read it with my husband, I can use that!
January 18, 2024
A must-read for all Christian men and women pursuing marriage, and even those already married. This is not a “how-to” book with detailed tips and tricks, but rather a beautiful articulation of how our intimate relationship with our spouse has parallels with God’s intimate relationship with us. Juli lists the 4 pillars for sex in marriage as: Faithfulness, Intimate Knowing, Sacrificial Love and Passionate Celebration. Whether you have sexual brokenness in your past or are preparing to enter marriage with no experience, viewing sex through God’s intended design is so absolutely essential.
One particular thing I deeply appreciated about this book is her addressing of the brutally unhelpful rhetoric heard from pulpits and books for decades. Women have been told this lie that men are ravaging, sex-driven monsters, that it is our sole-responsibility to not tempt them into sin, that if we don’t give our husbands sex often they’ll look elsewhere, and that it’s our “duty and delight to satisfy our husbands whether we like it or not”. Abhorrent and disgusting.
Instead, Julie weaves this beautiful picture of mutual giving and receiving, mutual sacrifice, mutual and passionate knowing while very clearly dividing these *MUTUAL* willing offerings from the sinful and abusive behaviours of demands, coercion, manipulation, duty, expected “rights”, etc. I could rant on and on, but anything I might say Juli says 10x better.
One particular thing I deeply appreciated about this book is her addressing of the brutally unhelpful rhetoric heard from pulpits and books for decades. Women have been told this lie that men are ravaging, sex-driven monsters, that it is our sole-responsibility to not tempt them into sin, that if we don’t give our husbands sex often they’ll look elsewhere, and that it’s our “duty and delight to satisfy our husbands whether we like it or not”. Abhorrent and disgusting.
Instead, Julie weaves this beautiful picture of mutual giving and receiving, mutual sacrifice, mutual and passionate knowing while very clearly dividing these *MUTUAL* willing offerings from the sinful and abusive behaviours of demands, coercion, manipulation, duty, expected “rights”, etc. I could rant on and on, but anything I might say Juli says 10x better.
March 6, 2023
This book is one of the few marriage books my husband and I have trusted isn't going to lead us into the pitfalls of purity culture or the pitfalls of a worldly view on intimacy and marriage. We decided to try it after listening to a couple of Focus on the Family podcasts discussing its contents. The book didn't disappoint.
Without going into detail, this book has helped to start uncover the roots of problems in our marriage that despite our best efforts, we couldn't sort out. Combined with some occasional counseling with an elder and his wife from our church, we've been able to finally start understanding what we're stuck on in ways we couldn't sort out ourselves.
It's wonderful AND irritating to need outside help for marriage. Especially a marriage that is quite strong generally speaking. But I'm thankful for this book and the help its giving us.
I'd recommend this book to any married couple that feels something is just a bit (or a lot) off in their sex life. There's so much more to intimacy than sex and this book does a really good job of giving a balanced, grace-filled view of things.
We'll certainly be referring back to it again and again on this journey.
Without going into detail, this book has helped to start uncover the roots of problems in our marriage that despite our best efforts, we couldn't sort out. Combined with some occasional counseling with an elder and his wife from our church, we've been able to finally start understanding what we're stuck on in ways we couldn't sort out ourselves.
It's wonderful AND irritating to need outside help for marriage. Especially a marriage that is quite strong generally speaking. But I'm thankful for this book and the help its giving us.
I'd recommend this book to any married couple that feels something is just a bit (or a lot) off in their sex life. There's so much more to intimacy than sex and this book does a really good job of giving a balanced, grace-filled view of things.
We'll certainly be referring back to it again and again on this journey.
February 4, 2023
Dr. Juli Slattery promotes four pillars for sex in marriage: Faithfulness, Intimate Knowing, Sacrificial Love, and Passionate Celebration. The book is divided into sections, the first laying some foundations and the second expounding the pillars. The foundations include knowing your backstory, God's story of sex, and wholeness beyond sexual purity.
There is a lot of really good information in this book. I especially appreciate that it was written by a clinical psychologist, and readers should be able to tell from her writing. She really focuses on the reader understanding themselves and their spouse, while growing in love for them.
The only real weakness of the book are the word studies. Dr. Slattery will sometimes appeal to Bible word studies to make a point. They smack of popular level understandings of how Bible word studies work, sometime importing a wider sematic range of a word into a text than might be responsible. But luckily I really don't think her word studies are vital to any parts of her arguments.
There is a lot of really good information in this book. I especially appreciate that it was written by a clinical psychologist, and readers should be able to tell from her writing. She really focuses on the reader understanding themselves and their spouse, while growing in love for them.
The only real weakness of the book are the word studies. Dr. Slattery will sometimes appeal to Bible word studies to make a point. They smack of popular level understandings of how Bible word studies work, sometime importing a wider sematic range of a word into a text than might be responsible. But luckily I really don't think her word studies are vital to any parts of her arguments.
May 25, 2025
This was such an insightful validating read on sex in Christian marriage - the author breaks down the foundations of the biblical principles of sex in marriage and why God made it that way... Even when the church most often misses the mark in talking about it (or in reality, often avoiding it altogether). And so you get a confused Christian as well as confusion from those outside of the church (the author quotes someone else - "it's as based on the church's response to sex, God made the body, but the devil slapped on the genitals".... Yikes). It was so helpful to see what God *actually* intended and how beautiful sex is, not just a don't do it don't do it don't do it, oh hey, you're married now? Do it. As if this magical switch is supposed to turn on. Going back to the foundations and purposes is so so helpful and life giving... And hopeful.
Highly recommend, particularly for Christians, but really for anyone who may be curious about what the Bible and God *actually* says about sex.
Highly recommend, particularly for Christians, but really for anyone who may be curious about what the Bible and God *actually* says about sex.
August 31, 2023
This isn’t the best *written* thing I’ve ever read, but I’m very grateful for the *content*. Slattery asserts that sex will never be a neutral issue in marriage and will always require work. Intimacy doesn’t come easy. She confirms the prevalence of sexual brokenness, stemming from sexual trauma to cultural presentations that shape our sexual predispositions. She gives quotations from real people testifying to both their pain and their healing so that we can identify our hurts are not new under the sun. She gives practical advice for increasing intimacy and scripture references to back up what should be the Christian worldview that sex in the context of marriage is precious and necessary as a way for us to understand God’s desire for intimacy with each of us.
The messages in this book are so necessary for newlyweds, engaged couples, and anyone fighting the battle for intimacy in their marriage. I strongly recommend.
The messages in this book are so necessary for newlyweds, engaged couples, and anyone fighting the battle for intimacy in their marriage. I strongly recommend.
July 22, 2022
I loved this book. I’ve heard good things about Dr. Juli Slattery and her ministry Authentic Intimacy, and this book has encouraged me to look more into her podcasts and other books! This book is such a helpful and Biblically based picture of how God intended the design of sex for marriage — and why. It “deconstructs” some of “purity culture” but not in spite but with Biblical truth, and does not do so in a “throw everything out” way. She explains God’s design for sex within marriage between a husband and wife with the four “pillars” she names and explains as 1) Faithfulness, 2) Intimate Knowing (her explanation of the Hebrew word yada was so good!), 3) Sacrificial Love, and 4) Passionate Celebration. I read this as I’m nearing our wedding day, and would definitely recommend this to those engaged, newly married, or long-time married. 😉
August 28, 2023
We won this book as a prize by showing up to a virtual seminar that Juli Slattery hosted and answering a question in the chat.
It’s important and meaningful to take time to focus on your marriage, and, particularly, to take time to talk together about sexual intimacy. This is a great book for that discussion! It’s biblically sound, hopeful, holistic, challenging and points the way to greater enjoyment and intimacy. There are discussion questions in the back for couples or for discussing with a friend/small group of friends.
I’m already a fan of Juli Slattery from listening to her podcast, Java with Juli. (That’s why I showed up with Gordon to the virtual seminar!) I’d recommend this book for couples to bring this area of marriage into focus, especially if this area needs encouragement and healing.
It’s important and meaningful to take time to focus on your marriage, and, particularly, to take time to talk together about sexual intimacy. This is a great book for that discussion! It’s biblically sound, hopeful, holistic, challenging and points the way to greater enjoyment and intimacy. There are discussion questions in the back for couples or for discussing with a friend/small group of friends.
I’m already a fan of Juli Slattery from listening to her podcast, Java with Juli. (That’s why I showed up with Gordon to the virtual seminar!) I’d recommend this book for couples to bring this area of marriage into focus, especially if this area needs encouragement and healing.
August 6, 2022
Enlightening, lie-shattering, honest and straightforward teaching on God's covenant love. Juli has a gift in bringing clarity to biblical sexual intimacy and four pillars that are necessary for husband and wife to experience the blessing of sexual integrity within marriage. Juli confronts both incorrect church and culture views and teaching about the purpose of sex and walks readers through helpful discussion questions that tease out obstacles to a meaningful, fulfilling, God-honoring, exciting and passionate celebration of the most intimate relationship between two people.
Juli's podcast, Java with Juli, is a great companion to this book. Prepare to have your eyes opened, barriers removed, and find a sense of belonging in the midst of struggle.
Juli's podcast, Java with Juli, is a great companion to this book. Prepare to have your eyes opened, barriers removed, and find a sense of belonging in the midst of struggle.
September 29, 2022
Excellent! Every couple should read it (together) no matter where you are in your marriage. It is as much about personal growth in the Lord as it is growth for marriage which makes perfect sense since God shows himself through the marriage relationship. The Bible starts with a marriage and ends with one. God wants to be reflected in every part of our lives and that includes every part of our marriage. We listened to it. The author is the narrator and her comfortable, approachable style is perfect for dealing with what could be an awkward topic. The last chapter alone is worth reading the book!
October 14, 2024
Better to read slower and with your spouse if possible. Slattery lays out simply and explicitly God’s design for sex, saying what needs to be said and no less. I thought it’d be pretty elementary for me, but I learned from it. I recommend it for newlyweds, the engaged, people in sexual recovery, and couples healing from or working through any sort of marriage hardship.
"Sex and marriage go together because sex is a physical symbol of the lifelong covenant promise. It is how we celebrate and remember with our bodies what we have chosen to do with our entire lives."(from Tim Keller’s sermon “Love and Lust”)
"God won’t redeem what you refuse to expose."
"Sex and marriage go together because sex is a physical symbol of the lifelong covenant promise. It is how we celebrate and remember with our bodies what we have chosen to do with our entire lives."(from Tim Keller’s sermon “Love and Lust”)
"God won’t redeem what you refuse to expose."
June 3, 2022
This book is so good! Most churches and many in “Christian circles” avoid discussing biblical sex and having those awkward conversations, which ignores the fact that God created it! Dr. Slattery does a wonderful job (again) starting the conversation and changing the way Christians view and talk about sex in this book. Sex isn’t about YOU, sex isn’t what culture tells us it is, and full sexual wholeness is in understanding what God says in the Bible about it. Thank you for this book! It’s a must read.
August 1, 2022
Dr Slattery does a wonderful job of helping the reader see God's design for sex and it's purpose in pointing us to His covenant love for us. The book has many practical suggestions, personal testimonies from other couples and Dr Slattery is so gifted in writing about things in such a way that you understand them in a deeper way. My husband and I read it together and at one point he closed the book and said "Well, this changes everything." And it does! Should be required reading for any couple looking for hope, healing or growth in their sexual journey/marriage.
October 9, 2022
Det är spännande och berikande hur Juli Slattery bemöter temana i boken utifrån Guds förbund till människan. Den innehåller utmanade ord, uppbyggande fraser och mycket att fundera över kring min syn på Gud, sex, äktenskap och mig själv. Som en person som inte är eller varit gift kan jag säga att den fortfarande är värd att läsa. Vissa Kapitel har den varit som balsam för min själ. Utifrån ett ogift perspektiv ger jag den 4/5 med stor potential att bli en 5/5. Väl värd läsning.
Läste den på engelska.
Läste den på engelska.
June 10, 2022
If we truly understand the Christian life, we recognize that every area of our life is connected to and affected by what we believe. Unfortunately, the area of sexual intimacy in marriage has often been left out of the discussion entirely even though sexuality is a beautiful picture of God’s covenant love. In God, Sex and Your Marriage, couples can discover God’s design for sexuality and explore the foundations and pillars of a great sex life together.
March 14, 2025
Wow! This book is so good.
Eye-opening.
Inspiring.
Convicting.
Humbling.
As I read I got a fuller picture of why and for what purpose God created sex. I have an understanding of the intimacy around sex that make sex what God created it to be.
If you're engaged, newlywed, or married for years I recommend reading this!
This is one that I will need to come back and reread at least yearly.
Eye-opening.
Inspiring.
Convicting.
Humbling.
As I read I got a fuller picture of why and for what purpose God created sex. I have an understanding of the intimacy around sex that make sex what God created it to be.
If you're engaged, newlywed, or married for years I recommend reading this!
This is one that I will need to come back and reread at least yearly.
September 9, 2022
This book is memorable- if you only read one book on sex this should be it. Her main idea is that sex is spiritual and therefor God uses it to show us his love for us. He cares deeply about sex and our pleasure and so we should too! This is a very good book- fast and easy to read but lots to think about!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews