Things We Do Not Tell the People We Love

by Huma Qureshi

A collection about mothers and daughters, children lost, unborn, grown up, grown apart, and the dissonance between lovers. It exposes the silences in families and the parts of ourselves we rarely reveal. A daughter asks her mother to shut up, only to shut her up for good; an exhausted wife walks away from the husband who doesn’t understand her; on holiday, lovers no longer understand each other away from home. The underlying themes of loneliness, secrets, family and displacement and also the desire to belong to someone, to some place; a yearning for love, intertwine these stories. The collection includes The Jam Maker, which has just been awarded the Harper’s Bazaar Short Story Prize 2020.

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction, Contemporary, Literary Fiction, Book Club, Anthologies, Adult

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 11, 2021

About the author

I started my career on The Observer and The Guardian and worked as a reporter and features writer across consumer news, news and the life and style sections before going freelance to write my first book, In Spite of Oceans, published in 2014 by The History Press. In Spite of Oceans received the John C. Laurence Award from The Authors’ Foundation.

In 2021, I saw two books published: How We Met: A Memoir of Love and Other Misadventures (January, 2021), with Elliott & Thompson, and my debut short story collection, Things We Do Not Tell The People We Love (November 2021), with Sceptre. Sceptre will also be publishing my debut novel, which I am currently writing. My essay, By Instinct, appears in The Best Most Awful Job: Twenty Writers Talk Honestly About Motherhood (2019).

I am represented by Laurie Robertson at Peters, Fraser + Dunlop.

Reviews

[Paromjit · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an exceptional collection of short stories from Huma Qureshi, a lyrical and beautiful writer, who explores the territory of our most intimate relationships, and the theme of what is left unsaid within them. These wide ranging stories cover cultural and generational tensions, interracial relationships, marriages, family, motherhood, differing mother-daughter dynamics, class, gender, friendships and so much more that marks the ordinariness of the everyday lives that the author elevates to the extraordinary with her razor sharp observations and astute insights. There are the lies, secrets, despair, love, loneliness, loss, grief and silence that many readers will relate to, particularly as there is a universality that crosses cultural boundaries when it comes to the nature of human relationships, repeating themselves in their many forms throughout our history.

Set in numerous locations, London, rural England, Tuscany, and Lahore, we have a young girl building up a covert relationship of longing with a boy, where little is said, that culminates in her being punished in a community where the reputation of girls and women can be so easily besmirched by rumours and lies. There is a mother who never feels at home in a rural setting, unlike her husband and daughter, when her father dies, the daughter becomes a jam maker. Events come to a head when a daughter can no longer put up with a mother that has always been critical of her, and another mother is shocked and griefstricken when her daughter cuts her off without a word. In Pakistan, Mark discovers the woman he loves, Amina, is nothing like the woman he knew in London, she becomes spoilt, mean and demanding, a woman of privilege, rude and cruel to those she deems socially beneath her.

Friendships can fail the test of time and changing circumstances, an exhausted mother walks away from a husband who doesn't see or understand her, and 3 miscarriages have a woman buckling under the weight of her losses, pushed to the edges of insanity, until she finds comfort in Japanese myths and legends as she begins to make 1000 paper cranes (birds) that allow her to reconnect with those she loves. Qureshi perceptively and vividly evokes the quagmires that so often go hand in hand with our closest relationships, the strains, desperation, the love, tenderness, and the conflicts between traditions and obligations with inner desires. The emotions and feelings, and the characters that inhabit the stories resonate, there is a commonality and authenticity that will captivate readers. This is a gifted author that I am delighted to have discovered and I look forward with great anticipation to whatever she writes next. Highly recommended. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC.

[luce (cry bebè's back from hiatus) · Rating 2 out of 5]

With the exception of the first story, I just did not buy into the stories collected in Things We Do Not Tell The People We Love. These stories struck me as early exercises from a creative writing class. We have a few stories that try to have ‘ambiguous’ endings and a few attempts at using the 2nd pov or having a character address someone as ‘you’. The prose didn’t really match the direction of the stories, and the characters didn’t show much consistency. They all seem to be on the verge of a crisis and tend to overreact to normal family disputes (going so far as to commit matricide). Not only were the characters different shades of unlikeable but they just did not ring true to life. They were caricatures of sorts: the women often painted as hysterical, the husbands distant and unaware, the mothers hyper-critical and unsympathetic. It's a pity as the author’s prose was far from bad, it just so happens that the characters and scenarios she wrote of, to be brutally honest, left me wanting. At times the author tries to go for this realism reminiscent of authors such as Jhumpa Lahiri, but then we also get stories that try to be creepy or fairytalesque but fall short of being either of those things and when compared to the stories of Shirley Jackson or Helen Oyeyemi, well, they didn’t strike me as particularly original or fantastical.
The relationships explored in these stories were very one-note and ultimately unpleasant. Nearly all of the daughters hated or were reproachful of their mothers, they are married to bland white men who lack critical thinking and seem wholly unaware of their privilege, the daughters/wives themselves are portrayed as hysterical, moody, and spiteful. Additionally, although I read this collection last week, these stories failed to leave their mark on me. I can vaguely remember that a few of the stories take place abroad and include scenes set during awkward dinners or whatnot. That’s about it. Ultimately, they just did not leave a long-lasting impression on me as a reader.

I’m sure many others will be able to appreciate them in a way that I was unable to. As things stand I will approach the author’s future work with caution.

find me on: ❀ blog ❀ thestorygraph ❀ letterboxd ❀ tumblr ❀ ko-fi ❀

[daniella ❀ · Rating 4 out of 5]

WHY IS THIS BOOK UNDERRATED YOU ALL NEED TO READ THIS BOOK PLEASE

[Attia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Short stories

Read this book as a part of our April Bookclub, I was really looking forward to it. It was a hit for some of our members, but not for me, sadly.
I felt most of the female characters were too 'mum hatey' and had a colonial mentality. As someone who has lived in many locations and with friends of all colours and creed but has comfortably settled into her proud Pakistani/Australian/ British skin, I found this book hard to relate to. The women generally had issues with the figures they associated with their brown identity and glorified the figures that they associated with their 'Western' identity. It just would have been nice to read a story where both sides were treated with the same respect. In most of the stories to always associate their brown identities with constraint/duty/oppression is problematic, and doesnt paint a full picture and 1 dimensional.
However, I do recognise that these stories may be written semi autobiographical hence are authentic to the author and her experiences and feelings, so these stories will be relatable to some people, I just didn't enjoy them.
I gave 2 stars, as the stories themselves were easy to read and written well, also there were some parts where I was able relate to, the first story, where the weekend parties with family friends were described, was my childhood and teen years!
Well written, but not for me sorry.

[persephone ☾ · Rating 4 out of 5]

stories of loss, motherly love, grief, feelings of inadequacy, boredom and exhilarating moments, it truly is one of my favorite recent literary discoveries

[Hanna☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ (Free Palestine) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a pretty interesting book. The reason I'm not going higher than 3 stars is because I'm personally not a fan of this kind of short story structure, the abrupt endings and feeling of incompletion that lingers and continues to nag me. There were several stories that I was dying to read a resolution for, or simply to have some more questions answered and it was just sooo frustrating.

Nevertheless, I liked the writing style, actually gasped out loud at some moments and enjoyed the stories. I think there's a lot of room for discussion on certain topics around culture, parenting and even lifestyle as the whole book revolves around Pakistani girls and their experiences with different types of relationships.

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Not to jinx it but I think I'm finallyy out of my slump so yayy, let's see how this goes.

[Elsa Rajan Pradhananga · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could've given it more stars. A heart touching collection of short stories that dives into the complicated feelings that us immigrants, often keep even from the people we love.

The book has nine stories, each about people dealing with love, family, and identity. The stories are so beautifully written that I could literally feel all the emotions the characters went through. Reading the book made me think about my own relationships and introspect the compromises, confusion, conflicts and the unspoken truths in them.

Absolutely loved it

[Emily Noble · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put this book down. ‘Firecracker’ and ‘Too much’ particularly shattered my heart and left me vowing to try to never be such a terrible daughter or friend. I LOVED this book. Qureshi writes characters so beautifully you are transported and left wondering what happened to them next. I would honestly read her shopping lists. This book is so well written the random stories of cranes, jam and yoga all lead to the overall message that sometimes it can be just too hard to say what you really want to say but oh how different the outcome would be if you could just say it.

You should all read, truly stunning!!

[Nique 💫 chroniqled ✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deliciously complex, and vivid in detail— this short story collection presents the unspoken dynamics of intimate relationships between different, oh-so-flawed people.

Whether it be the tension between mother-daughter relationships, the secrets kept hidden between partners, the betrayals and misunderstandings between friends, and even the conflicts one faces within oneself on a day-to-day basis— this book so accurately, and painfully, portrays it all.

With beautiful, immersive prose, I felt myself sink into the beauty of the European countryside, where all the stories were set. I experienced sitting on a balcony, sipping rosé wine to the rustle of leaves from trees surrounding my French holiday villa; I experienced roaming the streets of Tuscany, basking in the ambience of their open market filled with vendors selling their vintage wares; I experienced making paper cranes, scattering them around Rome during my spontaneously-planned vacation.

Not only that— i experienced the angst of teenage love all over again; falling in love during the summer, and getting heartbroken by fall; peacefully outgrowing my friendships and leaving them in my past; encountering a past flame, and attaining closure after all these years; falling out of love from a seemingly-perfect marriage; and even the utter joy of childbirth after waiting for so long to conceive.

All those experiences— the pain and the beauty of it all, make me appreciate even more the complexities of the lives we live, and how amazing it is when our tangents come to intersect.

This book was a place, one where I wish I didn’t have to leave so soon as I turned the last page. A masterpiece— one that I will always read and reread. Without a doubt, 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 #niquereviews @humaqureshiwriter


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Thoughts after reading:

What a beautiful, beautiful book. I actually cried tears of joy at the end bc this short story collection has become one of my favourites now. 💖💖💖

[Gabriela · Rating 5 out of 5]

If 2021 has blessed me with one thing, it’s my new found love for short story collections & goodness this one has shot up to one of my all time favourites.

After recently having lost my own mother, I find myself gravitating towards reads that explore mother/daughter relationships as it provides me with a sense of comfort I can’t quite articulate. Going into Quereshi’s collection, I had no idea what to expect & as always it was the best thing as I am so blown away & cannot sing it’s praises high enough.

Made up of 10 stories, each drawing you into a vivid world full of emotive writing, beautiful yet subtle insights into a culture that may be new to you - exploring what cultural differences may be/feel like to those who find themselves at those inevitable we crossroads. Motherhood, love, marriage, friendship, lust, adolescence, loss are just a few themes explored.

I picked this one up Monday morning & had gulped it down by Wednesday morning (have just moved into my new role at work whilst training my replacement) - I hope that provides any sort of testament to how incredible this one is! I really liked all the stories, yet a few stood as favourites - namely: The Jam Maker, The Wishes & Too Much.

I’ll leave it at that as always this one is best enjoyed not knowing too much, yet if it isn’t clear by now - I can’t rec this one enough! Thank you to the publisher for the gifted copy.

[rumaysa · Rating 2 out of 5]

despite the characters already living in the west, they still yearn so bad for the west in ways i cannot relate. it's ironic to read. being british pakistani, i thought it would be relatable but no. the characters don't try to grasp onto their pakistani culture at all. it's weird to see them so desperate for this place more than home. it's too much yearning for the white girl experience, too much complaining about mothers, and too many white boyfriends. south asians are asking for real representation in literature! not the erasure of our culture all for a western modern experience!! also, the storytelling doesn't do justice for the prose at all. the prose expresses feelings, ideas, and experiences so well, especially in the first story. they are raw and beautiful to read but the execution written for each story ruins it every time.

[Joana da Silva · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a 3,5 for me. Bought it initially moved only by the beautiful cover and enticing title, and I thought short stories would make me read quicker (and it's a genre that's been heavily growing on me through the years). Huma Qureshi writes beautifully about human relationships and the book does deliver on exploring all the things left unsaid in them. Adding to that, there's the cultural layer of a world split between England and Pakistan. It was an emotional ride and left my heart clenching in many stories, special highlight to the last one and the acknowledgements.

[Ala'a · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you hate your mother and also everything about being Pakistani, this is the book for you !

I have some rage over how incredibly problematic these stories are and also some pity for Huma Qureshi for the sheer level of internalised issues here. This was difficult to finish.

Also let's remember that critically acclaimed ≠ good, because *who* are these critics? And by that I am in fact asking what colour skin they have.

[Aisha (thatothernigeriangirl) · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

The writing is easy to get into, almost lyrical, and I enjoy that. I also appreciate how each story examines the different ways love can turn sour in our relationships— be it platonic, romantic, friendship, etc. Even how grief, loss, and resentment can taint love is also well explored.

What annoyed me a bit though is how it seems most of the stories had a [Pakistani] Muslim woman with white man trope.

I don’t dislike that pairing but it just feels like it’s pandering. I’d understand if the aim is to change the narrative that restricts Desi women from marrying outside their cultures but setting “white male” as that standard was just weird.

[Vanessa Pereira Vieira · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 ⭐️

Beautiful writing, enticing short stories, exploring the narrative of intimate and complicated relationships in motherhood, womanhood and friendship. Besides I'm very glad I've got to read a book by a pakistani author and familiarize myself with different customs and it encouraged me to learn more about a country I only know by it's name. The diaspora experiences are also very present in these short stories which gives it a more coming of age feel to it.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this may be one of the best short story collections I have read through out my good reads life. I am not sure why, but it was all just so good. I loved the intimacy between the reader and the story and the ways in which the author used the language to describe the small but complex feelings of the characters. And all of them just fit the title so beautifully and as a reader you are left with the grief of what wasn’t addressed between loved ones.

[Dimple · Rating 5 out of 5]

Qureshi is one of the finest writers I’ve come across this year. Each sentence is poetry, making me wish I could savour it for longer. Some highlights include: Premonition, The Jam Maker, and Foreign Parts; they are all such vivid narrations of intimate relationships. Would definitely reread.

[Mariam · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was just giving self-hating. The short stories entirely lacked a diversity of storytelling. Nearly every. Single. Story was overridden with orientalist tropes that portrayed Pakistani culture and Muslim identity as restrictive, oppressive— or at least the characters identified as such. These stories lacked depth entirely while having characters who were angry and resentful with no nuance.
The story from the pov of the white fiancé going to Lahore with his partner probably angered me the most??? It was absolutely ridiculous. He’s lost and confused because his fiancé is not the same woman he fell in love with in white man’s land England and her personality is different in Pakistan, her homeland. Boy, this is not about you.
Sure this book displays some valid narratives (even if don’t relate to any of them) and I do not mean to disqualify that BUT it absolutely serves to diminish and whitewash the experiences of most children of immigrants who do not relate to this.

This book left me: ANGRY and ICKY

[Royce · Rating 5 out of 5]

First, I must say that I would never have heard of the brilliant writer, Huma Qureshi, without reading a wonderful review of this collection of short stories by my goodreads’ friend, Paromjit. Her review inspired me to read this book, so thank you, Paromjit. Because I am not tech savvy, I have no idea how to properly thank her, so I will encourage my fellow readers to read this book.

Reading these stories is like eating a champagne chocolate truffle. The first bite is good, but then you take another bite and you know you are in chocolate nirvana,or in this case, you are immersed completely in the story. She feeds you small details, slowly, one at a time, until you arrive at the end of the story and understand where she was taking you. All of these stories are about family relationships between parents and children and intimate relationships between partners. Here is a taste from one of my favorite stories in the collection, called The Jam Maker,” “There Is a moment when you open a pot of home-made jam for the first time and the lid pops and you inhale the sweetness of soft, leathery fruit, when what you smell is not merely sugar and lemon and berries but a memory, a fragment, captured in time.” Read this collection now, you will be tasting chocolate all day.

[Rosa Opie · Rating 4 out of 5]

an emotional wee short story collection, 'things we do not tell the people we love' articulates the impact of silence and biting your tongue in relationships; whether they are romantic, platonic, familial, or undefinable. countless themes are conveyed through the experiences of characters from a variety of backgrounds: cultural and generational tensions, diaspora, friendships in all of their forms- intense and fleeting, lost-lasting yet still dissolvable- endings and beginnings, gender, class, inferility, the shedding of your childhood skin, the desire to belong, to yearn for someone, and to discover your true self whether that be within a relationship or outside of one. although all only short snapshots of complex scenarios, i feel as if everyone can find at least a slice of their life within one of these beautiful stories of the things that are left unsaid.

probably the only short story collection i have read where i can confidently say I enjoyed every one. 4.5/5

[Katdakoo · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.3 ⭐️ a lovely collection of bitter stories, stories that capture that off-tune, off-key friction of relationships that are wrong, have gone wrong, were never right. Its a collection that accepts incomplete endings, the pain of open, unanswered questions, the lack of closure that keeps wounds open and hopeful.

My favourites in this collection were TOO MUCH and FIRECRACKER - the least successful, the one that rang false to me, was FOREIGN PARTS and oddly, the prize winning THE JAM MAKER, although i loved the yearning for the countryside and nature that it portrayed.

[ari 🪷 · Rating 3 out of 5]

it’s a collection of short stories that all make you feel different emotions, some are more painful than others and a fast read

[cher · Rating 5 out of 5]

the things we hide, the feelings we keep inside, the stuff we don’t tell those we love to spare them or to keep happiness a constant,,,, i loved this book

[Alyssa Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

These stories are so beautifully written and I found a handful I was attached to. My favorite quote from reading this was from a story about a friendship that dissipates over time: “Eventually this will happen to us. You will drop bits of friendship here and there and eventually, I will stop picking us back up, picking you back up, putting us back together again. Eventually we might forget where we put it, this friendship of ours, and we will both let it fall through the cracks of a floorboard, forgotten in the memory of old mix tapes and letters boxed in an attic somewhere”.

[jd!! · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5☆

usually, i don't gel too well with short story collections, but i loved this collection soo freaking much. huma qureshi's prose and writing skill is insane, i ended up feeling so sooo sooooo deeply for characters i had known for less than like 10 pages. as a British woman of colour this cast of characters felt so relatable, and the topics and themes explored so well. these stories are definitely sticking with me for the rest of my life.

need to read this authors backlist soooooo bad.

[izarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was so so good. i cant really pick a favourite tbh because each short story made me feel everything from hurt, betrayal, anger, happiness, joy and relief.

[zoii]

dnf it ~ maybe someday i might find the energy to finish this

[Maddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

THE WRITING WAS SO GOOD

[Lea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ich mag Kurzgeschichten ja sowieso gerne. Diese Texte haben mich alle in ihrer Weise berührt und manchmal haben sie auf eine Art weh getan.. wahrscheinlich weil ich mich selbst teilweise darin finden konnte. Ganz toll fand ich, dass alle Texte aus einer pakistanischen Perspektive erzählt sind. Ich werde sicher noch eine Zeit über die Geschichten nachdenken.

[makayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5

i’m a mess after this