FORCED TO MARRY HIM: A Lifetime of Tradition and the Will to Break It

by Davinder Kaur

In the late 1980s, Davinder Kaur was forced to marry a man she didn't know. When she was only fourteen years old, the marriage was arranged and set to occur when she turned eighteen. After four long years of internal turmoil and despair, she had two adhere to the customs and traditions of her family, or risk bringing dishonor to their home. Davinder didn't like either option, so she made a plan—a plan to survive.
In Forced to Marry A Lifetime of Tradition and the Will to Break It , Kaur tells of the pain, lies, and betrayal she suffered at the hands of those who were meant to protect her the most. But her story doesn't end there. Davinder's willingness to speak out and fight not only saved her life but the lives of many other women and young girls over the years. She offers courage and strength to those who can't advocate for themselves, and she works with organizations all over the world to help end arranged and forced marriages. Kaur gives a voice to the voiceless as she breaks down walls to eradicate cultural and traditional abuse.

194 pages, Paperback

Published November 1, 2021

About the author

Davinder Kaur was born and raised in Bradford, England. She briefly lived in Denmark and traveled Australia for a year before moving to the United States in the early 1990s. She earned her bachelor’s degree at the age of forty while working full time and raising her three children who are her pride and joy.

She enjoys cooking and traveling, loves cruises, and her two favorite places thus far are Italy and London. You can find Davinder on Twitter or Instagram @luchanik or visit her website at https://luchanik.com.

Davinder is the survivor of a forced marriage. Forced to Marry Him: A Lifetime of Tradition and the Will to Break It is her first book.

Reviews

[Savita Ramsumair · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow

It surely took a lot of guts to speak out against the atrocities that she has suffered. Continue being the voice that causes change.

[Andrew North · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic book, I couldn't put it down. Really opens your eyes about Aranged marriage. I would recommend this book. Really enjoyed it.

[Billy Buttons · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Wishing Shelf Book Awards 2023
Category 7 (Audiobooks)
FEEDBACK
This audiobook was entered in our book awards. This is what our listeners thought:
Title: Forced to Marry Him
Author: Davinder Kaur
Narrator: Gill Mills

Star Rating: 5 Stars
Number of Listeners: 8
Stats
Narrator Performance: 10/10
Writing Style: 8/10
Content/Plot: 8/10
Cover: 4/5
Sound Quality / Music / Sound Effects: 5/5

Of the 8 listeners:
7 would listen to another book by this author.
8 would listen to another book narrated by this performer.
7 thought the cover was good or excellent.
8 felt it was easy to follow.
8 would recommend this audiobook to another listener to try.
Of all the listeners, 3 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘subject knowledge’.
Of all the readers, 3 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘putting across an important message’.
Of all the readers, 2 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘writing style’.
7 felt the pacing was good or excellent.
7 thought the author understood the listeners and what they wanted.
8 thought the narrator understood the listeners and what they wanted.

Listeners’ Comments
“An honest, powerful look at forced marriage. I love the message of this book and how strong-willed the author is. I wish her every success in her work protecting children from this form of abuse.” Female listener, aged 54
“I felt the narrator did a good job. She’s not over the top in any way, speaking clearly with good pacing. I felt she added a lot to the story.” Female listener, aged 38
“I was so impressed by this author and how she’s speaking out. I always felt arranging a marriage is wrong on so many levels but there’s always the worry of offending another person’s culture. I was so happy (and sad) to read Davinder’s story. It felt so very honest and the matter-of-fact way it was put across only added to the impact. I would recommend this to anybody interested in this subject, whether you agree with it or not.” Female listener, aged 33
“Thought-provoking, accessibly written, emotive; personally, I enjoyed every word.” Male listener, aged 55
“It’s not often I listen to such an original story. Congrats to the author for putting over her POV in such an honest and compelling way.” Female listener, aged 29

To Sum It Up:
‘A fascinating insight into the culture of arranging a marriage and the terrible damage it can do. A BRONZE MEDAL WINNER and highly recommended!’

[Readbyheart · Rating 5 out of 5]

•Marriage is considered an institution, and as society progressed, people have options. However, before this change in the Indian system, arranged marriage was interchangeable with child marriage. Let us witness this through the eyes of DAVINDER KAUR’s FORCED TO MARRY HIM. The title and content are well-suited to the cover page.

•The Author used to read about romances. She always used to imagine about her love life when she was young as same as the young girls use to dream about their romantic love stories. But she is afraid of dreaming because of her parents as they were the followers of Indian tradition. Author's marriage was fixed at the age of fourteen and was to take place at the age of eighteen. She became too mired in mental conflict and misery after few weeks. She couldn’t decide whether she should accept the chaos or jeopardize her family’s dignity by leaving it all behind.

•Both of these possibilities were quite crucial to her. Her mother was overly influenced by the Indian system, but the author grew up in a western environment in Bradford. It was difficult for her to comprehend the system she witnessed after her adolescence. So, she devised a strategy to save herself from the mess. Throughout the book, she reveals how the people who were supposed to aid her were the most deceitful and lied to her. The author intended to give voice to individuals who are trapped in this sort of chaos through her work.

•Learn how she opted to handle the situation and how she dealt with it. Author was in dark place but she wants to share her story. So, read this amazing and dreamy story of author's.

•The author has produced an amazing book since readers will have the strength to oppose injustice after reading it. Girls are bound to someone and it causes havoc in their lives as the injustice that their families inflict on them at a young age. The author has made everything quite plain, which is beneficial to those unfamiliar with these sorts of situations. She battled and fought for the rights of herself

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Decent read with short chapters

Worth a read, I don’t like that the word gaslighting is mentioned soooo many times throughout it, I think this could have been reduced a lot and the point still would have come across to the reader. It’s not a book that will shock those who have read books about honour killings and murders, this book didn’t shock me at all, I found it to be quite toned down from others of similar story lines that I have read. The chapters a very short and I felt a lot more detail could have been provided to really suck you in. I would class this boom as a light read.

[Michelle Cooper · Rating 1 out of 5]

Although her story is sad it didn’t seem like she was forced to be married. Coerced yes. I’ve read stories of girls being beat and locked up until they married. This author left and returns home and agreed to marry. It sucks the position she was put in but a lot of people grow up with crappy parents.

[Stacey Dexter · Rating 1 out of 5]

So poorly written. If the author paid for editing she was scammed and they should be ashamed. The story could’ve been compelling, but because of the aforementioned issues, it was a painful, repetitive read. Do not recommend.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Read

This book is a great read and opened my eyes to forced marriage. Of course I have heard about it but never heard anyone's story about it.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Educational memoir about forced and child marriages.

[Linda Griffin · Rating 4 out of 5]

An honest and courageous memoir, but she needn't have belabored the point her story makes on its own.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Davinder shares her personal story of surviving a forced marriage and facing other related and deep traumas—a story that is unfortunately also the reality for many others across the globe. After years of being suppressed and minimized to what I can only describe as a mere shell of her being, Davinder writes that she found her voice later in life. The world is a better place because of her courage, voice, and activism.

The book itself is a quick read. Some of the writing is a bit repetitive (such as the mention of gaslighting) or could have used some reorganizing or rephrasing, but I still found myself flying through the book and picking it up often to finish in a few days.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

must read

This is a must read book . It opens up people’s eyes to what forced marriage is really like and it also gives resources for victims

[Maria Cannas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was ok, sad to think people are still forced into marriages boys as well as girls, felt the story could have been shorter as was a bit repetitive in parts

[Barbara Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had no idea arranged marriages were still accepted in the United States, nor all of the other countries mentioned in this book. Davinder Kaur is brave to share her story, and courageous to spread the word about the harm caused by these traditions in the lives of young people.