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I'm a Terminal Cancer Patient, But I'm Fine.
After being diagnosed with terminal colon cancer, the creator documents her physical and emotional journey through treatment in this powerful memoir manga.
At 38 years old, Hilnama, a manga artist, is diagnosed with colon cancer. Never one to lose hope or give in to despair, she begins cancer treatments despite the deadly diagnosis. But when going through such a grueling process, it can be difficult to keep a positive outlook... When faced with the struggles and trials of life, Hilnama turns to what she knows: writing and creating manga again, drawing herself as a rabbit in a world of humans and hospitals. This poignant and down-to-earth account of diagnosis, treatment, and living with terminal disease will be a reference for positivity and perseverance for years to come.
At 38 years old, Hilnama, a manga artist, is diagnosed with colon cancer. Never one to lose hope or give in to despair, she begins cancer treatments despite the deadly diagnosis. But when going through such a grueling process, it can be difficult to keep a positive outlook... When faced with the struggles and trials of life, Hilnama turns to what she knows: writing and creating manga again, drawing herself as a rabbit in a world of humans and hospitals. This poignant and down-to-earth account of diagnosis, treatment, and living with terminal disease will be a reference for positivity and perseverance for years to come.
160 pages, Paperback
Published November 1, 2022
8 people are currently reading
376 people want to read
About the author
Hilnama
2 books3 followersひるなま Hilnama began her career as an erotic manga artist. At 38-years-old she worked on Mikkigan demo Genki desu 38-sai (I'm a Terminal Cancer Patient, but I'm Fine.) after her colon cancer diagnosis. Hilnama died on December 12, 2022 from colon cancer.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 100 reviews
December 28, 2022
Hilnama died on December 12, 2022. I can't claim that that fact didn't affect my reading experience, so I'll just say it upfront. This volume covers the period from her diagnosis in 2019 to an update about her treatment in December 2020.
This is Hilnama's account of being diagnosed with and treated for Stage IV colon cancer. She goes to a doctor because she's experiencing very bad period cramps that don't feel quite like her usual very bad period cramps. The first doctor she sees sends her home, saying there are no abnormalities in her tests (it should be noted that this is the only medical professional in the entire book who's depicted as an animal, a frog - everyone else, except for Hilnama, her husband, and her sister-in-law, who are rabbits, generally looks like a good-looking actor straight out of a popular medical drama). She sees another doctor the next day, who's able to feel something that the CT scan missed and who sends her off for further tests.
Like most medical graphic novels, there's a lot of emphasis on the author's experiences with diagnosis and treatment. Hilnama states that she had a couple doctors look over her drafts to make sure the things she wrote were correct. She includes a list of the items she brought with her when she was hospitalized and how useful they were (some or all of this may overlap with what's useful for a long hospital stay in the US, not sure). She also talks about some of the side effects she experienced while undergoing treatment and how she attempted to deal with the worst of them.
One thing she spent a fair amount of time on that I really appreciated was support networks - not just the benefits of having a good one, but also the necessity of making sure that the people you're relying on for support have support as well. Hilnama's primary support was her husband, but he struggled with depression. She knew he'd need support as well if they were going to get through this, so she had him talk to his sister. A part later in the volume covers some of the ways her husband helped her while she was being treated, much of which involved learning to do household activities (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking) that she'd previously done instead. On the one hand, I was kind of appalled (dude, you need to know how to take care of yourself!). On the other hand, I spent a good chunk of this portion of the book thinking about Hilnama's recent death, crying, and hoping her husband is doing okay.
One of the reasons why support networks were so much in Hilnama's thoughts was probably due to the fact that, as a survivor of child abuse, she absolutely did not want her parents involved in any aspect of her treatment. This part was rough reading about (the image of her father holding her by her ankles is haunting and horrifying), and I'm glad that her sister-in-law believed her when she told her.
An aspect I haven't written about yet: Hilnama's profession as an erotic manga author. It actually does get tied in to her account of her diagnosis and treatment, multiple times. For anyone who's worried, there's no explicit imagery. The most risque she gets is a couple highly pixelated panels (a playful way to refer to her work) and the barium enema scene in which a peach played the part of her butt (there are sound effects, fluids, and a censorship bar...but it's technically still a peach). Her first thought upon seeing lidocaine spray they were going to use on her prior to her upper GI endoscopy was...something (she associated it with urethral play).
All in all, this was a good medical graphic novel - it covered a lot in only 159 pages. I'm glad Hilnama was able to finish it, and I hope her husband is taking care of himself and getting help when he needs it.
(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.)
This is Hilnama's account of being diagnosed with and treated for Stage IV colon cancer. She goes to a doctor because she's experiencing very bad period cramps that don't feel quite like her usual very bad period cramps. The first doctor she sees sends her home, saying there are no abnormalities in her tests (it should be noted that this is the only medical professional in the entire book who's depicted as an animal, a frog - everyone else, except for Hilnama, her husband, and her sister-in-law, who are rabbits, generally looks like a good-looking actor straight out of a popular medical drama). She sees another doctor the next day, who's able to feel something that the CT scan missed and who sends her off for further tests.
Like most medical graphic novels, there's a lot of emphasis on the author's experiences with diagnosis and treatment. Hilnama states that she had a couple doctors look over her drafts to make sure the things she wrote were correct. She includes a list of the items she brought with her when she was hospitalized and how useful they were (some or all of this may overlap with what's useful for a long hospital stay in the US, not sure). She also talks about some of the side effects she experienced while undergoing treatment and how she attempted to deal with the worst of them.
One thing she spent a fair amount of time on that I really appreciated was support networks - not just the benefits of having a good one, but also the necessity of making sure that the people you're relying on for support have support as well. Hilnama's primary support was her husband, but he struggled with depression. She knew he'd need support as well if they were going to get through this, so she had him talk to his sister. A part later in the volume covers some of the ways her husband helped her while she was being treated, much of which involved learning to do household activities (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking) that she'd previously done instead. On the one hand, I was kind of appalled (dude, you need to know how to take care of yourself!). On the other hand, I spent a good chunk of this portion of the book thinking about Hilnama's recent death, crying, and hoping her husband is doing okay.
One of the reasons why support networks were so much in Hilnama's thoughts was probably due to the fact that, as a survivor of child abuse, she absolutely did not want her parents involved in any aspect of her treatment. This part was rough reading about (the image of her father holding her by her ankles is haunting and horrifying), and I'm glad that her sister-in-law believed her when she told her.
An aspect I haven't written about yet: Hilnama's profession as an erotic manga author. It actually does get tied in to her account of her diagnosis and treatment, multiple times. For anyone who's worried, there's no explicit imagery. The most risque she gets is a couple highly pixelated panels (a playful way to refer to her work) and the barium enema scene in which a peach played the part of her butt (there are sound effects, fluids, and a censorship bar...but it's technically still a peach). Her first thought upon seeing lidocaine spray they were going to use on her prior to her upper GI endoscopy was...something (she associated it with urethral play).
All in all, this was a good medical graphic novel - it covered a lot in only 159 pages. I'm glad Hilnama was able to finish it, and I hope her husband is taking care of himself and getting help when he needs it.
(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.)
January 28, 2024
چقد خوب بود پشماااام
داستان این مانگا، بر اساس تجربه ی واقعی نویسنده اس که به سرطان پیشرفته ی کولون مبتلا شده و میاد از مراحل مختلف تشخیص و درمان مثل عکس برداری، عمل و شیمی درمانی میگه
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از این نظر جذابیتش برام زیاد بود که نویسنده ی مانگا ژاپنیه و منم یکی از افراد نزدیک زندگیم توی ژاپن عمل کرده. واسه همین مراحل درمان نویسنده رو با مراحلی که شنیدم بودم تطبیق میدادم. مثلا اینکه چقد سیستم دقیقی دارن و تمام مراحل و روندی که باید طی بشه مشخصه. وضعیت بیمه ی درمان خوبه و فشار هنگفتی به مریض نمیاد. تمام مراحل سریع طی شد و خانومه ۳۰ روز بعد اولین مراجعه اش به دکتر عمل شد.در حالی که توی کانادا یعنی جایی که من زندگی میکنم ممکنه ماه ها تا یک سال
این روند طول بکشه.
.
از طرفی به مفاهیم دیگری هم توی کتاب پرداخته شده بود که اگه بگم اسپویل میشه فقط اینو بگم که اگه زیر ۱۸ سال هستین خوندن این کتاب توصیه نمیشه.
.
بارها با این کتاب گریه کردم و اینکه بدون هیچ شناختی، توی کتابخونه ی مرکزیمون پیداش کردم، لذت خوندنش رو برام ۲ چندان کرد.
داستان این مانگا، بر اساس تجربه ی واقعی نویسنده اس که به سرطان پیشرفته ی کولون مبتلا شده و میاد از مراحل مختلف تشخیص و درمان مثل عکس برداری، عمل و شیمی درمانی میگه
.
از این نظر جذابیتش برام زیاد بود که نویسنده ی مانگا ژاپنیه و منم یکی از افراد نزدیک زندگیم توی ژاپن عمل کرده. واسه همین مراحل درمان نویسنده رو با مراحلی که شنیدم بودم تطبیق میدادم. مثلا اینکه چقد سیستم دقیقی دارن و تمام مراحل و روندی که باید طی بشه مشخصه. وضعیت بیمه ی درمان خوبه و فشار هنگفتی به مریض نمیاد. تمام مراحل سریع طی شد و خانومه ۳۰ روز بعد اولین مراجعه اش به دکتر عمل شد.در حالی که توی کانادا یعنی جایی که من زندگی میکنم ممکنه ماه ها تا یک سال
این روند طول بکشه.
.
از طرفی به مفاهیم دیگری هم توی کتاب پرداخته شده بود که اگه بگم اسپویل میشه فقط اینو بگم که اگه زیر ۱۸ سال هستین خوندن این کتاب توصیه نمیشه.
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بارها با این کتاب گریه کردم و اینکه بدون هیچ شناختی، توی کتابخونه ی مرکزیمون پیداش کردم، لذت خوندنش رو برام ۲ چندان کرد.
May 9, 2024
Hilnama writes about her diagnosis with terminal colon cancer with candor, humor, optimism and even a certain amount of enthusiasm. Her attitude is almost bewildering, but she never seems deluded or reckless but rather is willing to face one of the biggest challenges life can give you straight on with ample amounts of gratitude and compassion for those around her.
It happened too late to be noted in this edition of the book, but sadly the author did pass away in December 2022. I wish her peace and thank her for this remarkable gift.
It happened too late to be noted in this edition of the book, but sadly the author did pass away in December 2022. I wish her peace and thank her for this remarkable gift.
November 7, 2025
Una obra dura pero esperanzadora.
La autora es una mangaka que narra como le diagnostican un cancer terminal y todo el proceso médico, los ingresos, las conversaciones con la familia, el tratamiento, la revelación de que es cancer... Da muchisimos consejos a cualquier persona en su situación y recopila momentos muy intensos y emotivos.
Refleja tambien un caso terrible, que es la indefensión que sufren aquellas personas victimas de maltrato infantil, que dejan de poder contar con la familia y, de hecho, viven con miedo a que personas que las han dañado puedan decidir sobre su vida.
Digo esperanzadora porque a pesar de todas las tribulaciones, Hilmana aprecia la vida y disfruta de ella a pesar de toda su situación. Que te digan que tienes X tiempo de vida es terrible, pero en el fondo nadie sabe cuando va a morir, y alguien no diagnosticado puede morir antes.
Esperaba pasarlo muy mal leyendo el libro, pero es bonito.
La autora es una mangaka que narra como le diagnostican un cancer terminal y todo el proceso médico, los ingresos, las conversaciones con la familia, el tratamiento, la revelación de que es cancer... Da muchisimos consejos a cualquier persona en su situación y recopila momentos muy intensos y emotivos.
Refleja tambien un caso terrible, que es la indefensión que sufren aquellas personas victimas de maltrato infantil, que dejan de poder contar con la familia y, de hecho, viven con miedo a que personas que las han dañado puedan decidir sobre su vida.
Digo esperanzadora porque a pesar de todas las tribulaciones, Hilmana aprecia la vida y disfruta de ella a pesar de toda su situación. Que te digan que tienes X tiempo de vida es terrible, pero en el fondo nadie sabe cuando va a morir, y alguien no diagnosticado puede morir antes.
Esperaba pasarlo muy mal leyendo el libro, pero es bonito.
November 8, 2022
Such a beautiful cute true story.
October 23, 2025
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
May 1, 2023
I'm very sad to learn that Hilnama passed away only a couple of months ago. This manga has definitely evoked many emotions. Its very funny at times. The art is lovely. There is lots of practical information as well that might help one cope with a diagnosis for themselves or for someone they love. Thank you Hilnama for sharing your experience. I hope your husband is doing okay and taking care of himself. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability and story with the world.
November 29, 2022
There’s a lot to respect about a porn artist shamefully self-reflecting on some of the sex scenes they’ve drawn during a colonoscopy. I obviously appreciated the tenderness towards comic-con artist communities as well
February 4, 2024
He llorado mares. Imposible no amar a esta autora. Su simpatía, ternura y estilo de dibujo tan adorable estarán conmigo para siempre❤️
January 19, 2024
saddening story, a hurtful reality for a lot of people... hope the artist is resting in peace
December 26, 2025
Este manga autobiográfico me ha parecido una lectura muy recomendable para personas que estén pasando por una situación similar, así como para sus familiares. La forma en que la autora comparte y expresa su vivencia es amable, cercana y hasta humorística, siempre sin morbo. Eso hace que la lectura sea especialmente valiosa, porque acompaña sin invadir ni dramatizar en exceso.
Por supuesto que afecta. En mi caso, haber acompañado a mi mamá durante su proceso de cáncer y su fallecimiento a los 56 años hizo que esta lectura despertara nostalgia, calidez y también tristeza. Pero no desde un lugar negativo, sino desde uno sanador, la sensación de estar acompañado en ese proceso, de sentir algo muy parecido a lo que probablemente a ella le habría gustado que sintiera su esposo.
Además, el libro aborda temas muy complejos que van más allá del cáncer, pero que inevitablemente salen a la superficie en situaciones límite. Eso también se agradece, porque son experiencias reales, vividas, y se intensifican a medida que la enfermedad avanza. Tenía muchas ganas de leerlo desde hace tiempo y ahora se dio la oportunidad, en fechas tan sensibles como la Navidad, para recordar con cariño a alguien profundamente amada, manteniendo vivos esos recuerdos desde el amor y no solo desde la pérdida.
Por supuesto que afecta. En mi caso, haber acompañado a mi mamá durante su proceso de cáncer y su fallecimiento a los 56 años hizo que esta lectura despertara nostalgia, calidez y también tristeza. Pero no desde un lugar negativo, sino desde uno sanador, la sensación de estar acompañado en ese proceso, de sentir algo muy parecido a lo que probablemente a ella le habría gustado que sintiera su esposo.
Además, el libro aborda temas muy complejos que van más allá del cáncer, pero que inevitablemente salen a la superficie en situaciones límite. Eso también se agradece, porque son experiencias reales, vividas, y se intensifican a medida que la enfermedad avanza. Tenía muchas ganas de leerlo desde hace tiempo y ahora se dio la oportunidad, en fechas tan sensibles como la Navidad, para recordar con cariño a alguien profundamente amada, manteniendo vivos esos recuerdos desde el amor y no solo desde la pérdida.
October 23, 2025
Una coberta preciosa que xoca amb un tema tan dur: igual que el seu títol, Hilnama juga constantment en aquesta obra en els dos extrems oposats de la seva realitat: la cruesa de l'aparició sobtada d'un càncer en estat avançat amb una mirada positiva, alegre i centrada d'ella mateixa i de la seva situació. Potser es per això que es dibuixa com un conillet blanc, innocent i vulnerable, però a l'hora intrèpid quan es tracta d'entrar en aquest rabbit-hole que és el càncer.
Una obra singular, un format —el manga— que sorprèn tractant una temàtica d'aquest calibre. Però l'autora, mangaka eròtica de professió, sap expressar tot el que li passa a través del seu mitjà natural, i ho fa amb una sinceritat, calidesa i valentia que toca el cor i et deixa compungida mentre llegeixes el seu cant a la vida, el seu testimoni on no hi falta l'humor. Descansa en pau, Hilnama 🤍
Una obra singular, un format —el manga— que sorprèn tractant una temàtica d'aquest calibre. Però l'autora, mangaka eròtica de professió, sap expressar tot el que li passa a través del seu mitjà natural, i ho fa amb una sinceritat, calidesa i valentia que toca el cor i et deixa compungida mentre llegeixes el seu cant a la vida, el seu testimoni on no hi falta l'humor. Descansa en pau, Hilnama 🤍
Read
October 5, 2025the rabbit characters are so cute and expressive, perhaps emotionally insulating too given the heavy topics. not only about the medical field but also touches on depression and child abuse.
very informative on the subject of colon cancer, and the iteration and treatment in Japan.
most non-fiction manga tend to be rather weak but perhaps because this written and illustrated by the mangaka herself.
visual book 17 (manga) of 2025
very informative on the subject of colon cancer, and the iteration and treatment in Japan.
most non-fiction manga tend to be rather weak but perhaps because this written and illustrated by the mangaka herself.
visual book 17 (manga) of 2025
October 27, 2025
Es un ensayo manga durísimo con algún toque de humor sobre la situación personal de la autora.
Nos habla de algunas situaciones cotidianas y muestra un poco cómo funciona la sanidad actual (2020) en Japón. También es muy valiosa la información que nos da sobre cómo las personas que rodean a una persona que sufre la enfermedad deben servir de apoyo.
Supe que la autora había fallecido y su lectura fue aún más dura.
Nos habla de algunas situaciones cotidianas y muestra un poco cómo funciona la sanidad actual (2020) en Japón. También es muy valiosa la información que nos da sobre cómo las personas que rodean a una persona que sufre la enfermedad deben servir de apoyo.
Supe que la autora había fallecido y su lectura fue aún más dura.
February 3, 2023
Comforting to read someone else’s journey and the obstacles they faced from the day to day of their new life. Loved the update towards the end and all of the good advice shared.
January 21, 2024
I want to thank the author for sharing her experience with cancer. I got sad when I read that she passed away but at least she got to finish this manga and share it to the world.
May 9, 2024
Words can’t describe the journey this book put you on.
Fascinating, adventurous, and informative is the best way to describe the late Hilnama’s work.
R.I.P. and thank you for your wonderful work.
Fascinating, adventurous, and informative is the best way to describe the late Hilnama’s work.
R.I.P. and thank you for your wonderful work.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 17, 2025
It ended on a hopeful note, but the author died less than two years later, and that kind of made me sad 😢 I hope her husband is okay
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 30, 2025
I picked this off the shelf as a lover of rabbits, finding the art style to be very cute and charming. Turns out it wasn’t about bunnies! I decided to give it a read anyways, as I have someone important to me with cancer. this was a really insightful look into both the emotional and medical side of that journey. Made me tear up at a few parts, I found it to be a very sweet manga.
September 30, 2023
A book about survival and navigating the curveballs of the Japanese health system. Hilnama passed away at the end of 2022 from cancer, I'm glad I got to know her through this book.
July 17, 2024
Thank you for creating this book.
January 29, 2024
Not sure why I kept getting drawn to getting this book, I've known ppl with cancer (2 of my grandparents died at home with us all so im familiar with it, there are others but those were the closest) and a few different forms of cancer. The soft art too just all around a good little slice into someone's personal story of it. I wish them all the good health and its so adorable how they drew their husband as a huge muscled wrestler. In fact how people are drawn shows the impact the person had on the author. I was expecting it to be sad but it has like a bittersweet softness to it and a chipper end. Cancer effects so many I think a glimpse into it can be important. So its not so scary or at least not blindsided if it shows up around you. Its nothing to be ashamed of or a taboo to talk about kinda like death. These things happen, inform yourself. Ah it seems they did pass away. I hope her husband is doing well.
July 8, 2023
Oof, this book is a gift. I so appreciate the story, the intent, how sharing these details of her cancer and her husband’s depression and the fraught family dynamics and the support system and the medical system sheds light on such a hard and too common situation. I wish I had read this earlier and had this accompanying loved ones on parallel journeys.
I’m sad to read that Hilnama passed away in Dec 2022.
I’m sad to read that Hilnama passed away in Dec 2022.
October 7, 2025
M'ha agradat MOLT. Ara que em passo el dia donant aquest tipus de notícia vaig pensar que m'aniria bé veure-ho des de l'altre costat. Explica molt bé tot el procés diagnòstic i terapèutic d'un càncer en estadi avançat. També parla de com ajudar, què dir i com estar amb algú en una situació similar. M'ha valgut molt la pena comprar-me'l i li penso recomanar a totes les meves amigues metges.
March 23, 2023
This has been on my To Read list since I saw an image of the cover back in December 2022 when the news of Hilnama's passing was shared around in the bookish side of one of my socials media accounts. I thought the title looked interesting and the cover artwork was cute before I realized she had died, so I knew I wanted to make the effort to read her work because engaging with the art and work of someone who has passed away feels like one of the best ways to remember them. (I do not know how that holds up to scrutiny, so do not quote me!)
Even though it is a slim volume, I liked that it had a bit of everything for every type of reader. It gave information for if you are cancer patient and if you are care provider and what to prep and what to expect. It told of how important it was for her to surround herself with those she could rely on--her husband and her sister-in-law--and why she was so scared of her illness possibly making her abusive family contact her during her weakest moments. I like that she would say when she was overwhelmed and scared and how she was scared of making her husband--who she adorably stylized as a buff masked bunny to complement her bunny comic form--scared and succumb to his diagnosed depression. Her concern for her husband and his crybaby tendencies when he was scared for her safety during procedures made me tear up so bad.
The fact that she is an erotic manga artist might turn off people from picking up this at all, but she barely touches on that part of her life and makes censored allusions at most that were humorous in my opinion. I hope that part of her profession works continue to reach the intended audiences.
Anyway, reading this while knowing Hilnama recently passed away--I do not know if it was due to complications to cancer treatment--was one heck of emotional rollercoaster because she seemed ready to go back to living her life. Her pride in completing her treatment and detailing her experience with colon cancer in a responsible and useful way that was vetted by two doctors before publishing is so admirable. It makes me so angry that people can go through all the treatments available and still have only a little more time.
The pacing and the inclusion of the correct medical terminology while interspersed with her own worries, personality, and exaggerated bunny drawings all came together to tell a story that I think demonstrates that everyone has a story to tell. I am still very sad that this bunny artist is no longer here, and I hope her family and friends especially her husband are doing well despite this time of loss.
It is always strange to rate a memoir, but I really wanted to give one to this graphic novel because cancer sucks and anyone who writes about excising that stuff out of their body rocks.
Even though it is a slim volume, I liked that it had a bit of everything for every type of reader. It gave information for if you are cancer patient and if you are care provider and what to prep and what to expect. It told of how important it was for her to surround herself with those she could rely on--her husband and her sister-in-law--and why she was so scared of her illness possibly making her abusive family contact her during her weakest moments. I like that she would say when she was overwhelmed and scared and how she was scared of making her husband--who she adorably stylized as a buff masked bunny to complement her bunny comic form--scared and succumb to his diagnosed depression. Her concern for her husband and his crybaby tendencies when he was scared for her safety during procedures made me tear up so bad.
The fact that she is an erotic manga artist might turn off people from picking up this at all, but she barely touches on that part of her life and makes censored allusions at most that were humorous in my opinion. I hope that part of her profession works continue to reach the intended audiences.
Anyway, reading this while knowing Hilnama recently passed away--I do not know if it was due to complications to cancer treatment--was one heck of emotional rollercoaster because she seemed ready to go back to living her life. Her pride in completing her treatment and detailing her experience with colon cancer in a responsible and useful way that was vetted by two doctors before publishing is so admirable. It makes me so angry that people can go through all the treatments available and still have only a little more time.
The pacing and the inclusion of the correct medical terminology while interspersed with her own worries, personality, and exaggerated bunny drawings all came together to tell a story that I think demonstrates that everyone has a story to tell. I am still very sad that this bunny artist is no longer here, and I hope her family and friends especially her husband are doing well despite this time of loss.
It is always strange to rate a memoir, but I really wanted to give one to this graphic novel because cancer sucks and anyone who writes about excising that stuff out of their body rocks.
March 14, 2024
I know there are plenty of people out there who think that comics (especially manga) are for children/immature adults, with very rare exceptions. Rather than try to argue against that as a whole, I think it's easier to show just how many examples there are that disprove this way of thinking. Hilnama's autobiographical work is one of them.
If I were diagnosed with something as horrible as advanced colon cancer, I'm fairly certain my mind would never turn to "I should turn this into a manga in order to try and help others with what I learned". Yet boiling it down to be simply that is unfair to a comic I've read at least five times now. Hilnama writes with a simple honesty and sense of wry humor about her own situation that I find myself returning to it time and again.
This isn't simply a story of cancer-- though even if it was, I suspect it would still be compelling. Alongside talking about her diagnosis and surgeries, Hilnama shares so much texture about her life: her husband's struggle with depression, her struggle with his struggle, her abusive parents and the complications that brought about, her friends, her love of drawing (erotic) manga and the awkwardness that can bring about,... (This is probably the point to say that if you aren't comfortable with yaoi jokes, then this book might not be your cup of tea. I didn't personally find them off putting, as there aren't many of them and the rest of her story is very compelling). All of that to say, she paints a complete and complex picture of herself while being unafraid to show unflattering sides of herself.
When I first read the book and left an Amazon review, Hilnama was still living. However, in December of 2022 she passed away due to complications from her cancer. I don't know how I would have done it, but I wish I could have told her that her story made an impact on me, half way around the world and speaking an entirely different language. I've read accounts from others who were helped by her story or inspired to take better care of themselves-- and those were the ones in English. It takes a significant amount of popularity for a manga to be translated out of Japanese, so I can only imagine it must have helped people in her home country as well. Many of the specifics she talks about don't apply here in America, but it was interesting on its own to get a peek into the medical care of another country.
Hilnama's story is inspiring, both about remaining positive in the face of terminal disease and about being okay with reaching out for help when you need it. I highly recommend it.
If I were diagnosed with something as horrible as advanced colon cancer, I'm fairly certain my mind would never turn to "I should turn this into a manga in order to try and help others with what I learned". Yet boiling it down to be simply that is unfair to a comic I've read at least five times now. Hilnama writes with a simple honesty and sense of wry humor about her own situation that I find myself returning to it time and again.
This isn't simply a story of cancer-- though even if it was, I suspect it would still be compelling. Alongside talking about her diagnosis and surgeries, Hilnama shares so much texture about her life: her husband's struggle with depression, her struggle with his struggle, her abusive parents and the complications that brought about, her friends, her love of drawing (erotic) manga and the awkwardness that can bring about,... (This is probably the point to say that if you aren't comfortable with yaoi jokes, then this book might not be your cup of tea. I didn't personally find them off putting, as there aren't many of them and the rest of her story is very compelling). All of that to say, she paints a complete and complex picture of herself while being unafraid to show unflattering sides of herself.
When I first read the book and left an Amazon review, Hilnama was still living. However, in December of 2022 she passed away due to complications from her cancer. I don't know how I would have done it, but I wish I could have told her that her story made an impact on me, half way around the world and speaking an entirely different language. I've read accounts from others who were helped by her story or inspired to take better care of themselves-- and those were the ones in English. It takes a significant amount of popularity for a manga to be translated out of Japanese, so I can only imagine it must have helped people in her home country as well. Many of the specifics she talks about don't apply here in America, but it was interesting on its own to get a peek into the medical care of another country.
Hilnama's story is inspiring, both about remaining positive in the face of terminal disease and about being okay with reaching out for help when you need it. I highly recommend it.
August 29, 2023
I imagine this to be a fairly helpful book for cancer patients and their loved ones. Thankfully, I'm neither-- I picked this book up due to the unusual combination of its title and cover illustration.
It feels almost inappropriate to say, but I thought this book was just okay. It's a journal comic, which can be very hit or miss-- I was very enamored with "My Solo Exchange Diary", for example. But this book is very wordy, bordering on stream-of-consciousness, not in a way that feels artistic or soulful but rather like the author kept getting distracted and remembering details she wanted to mention, only to scribble them hastily at the edge of the frame. The work is quite laden with footnotes that I often didn't find necessary.
While I had imagined from the cover that there would be an interesting contrast between the cute, silly animal characters and the story, in reality the book didn't play it up very much. Outside of the author, her husband and SIL, pretty much everyone else was drawn as a regular manga-style human, which I actually felt broke immersion more than if they'd all been depicted as animals.
One aspect I found jarring is how sexualized her art was in places. I understand that she was an erotic manga artist, and that she probably made those decisions humorously to help her cope with her situation, but nonetheless it was uncomfortable for me as a reader to see her 'erotic' depictions of medical processes, bodily fluids etc.
That aside, the author details her experience with cancer pretty in-depth, which was quite educational, and like I mentioned, can offer really meaningful insights for people dealing with it in their lives. Overall, it's a frank and remarkably optimistic diary comic, but it's not something I'd recommend unless you're specifically looking to read the stories of cancer patients.
It feels almost inappropriate to say, but I thought this book was just okay. It's a journal comic, which can be very hit or miss-- I was very enamored with "My Solo Exchange Diary", for example. But this book is very wordy, bordering on stream-of-consciousness, not in a way that feels artistic or soulful but rather like the author kept getting distracted and remembering details she wanted to mention, only to scribble them hastily at the edge of the frame. The work is quite laden with footnotes that I often didn't find necessary.
While I had imagined from the cover that there would be an interesting contrast between the cute, silly animal characters and the story, in reality the book didn't play it up very much. Outside of the author, her husband and SIL, pretty much everyone else was drawn as a regular manga-style human, which I actually felt broke immersion more than if they'd all been depicted as animals.
One aspect I found jarring is how sexualized her art was in places. I understand that she was an erotic manga artist, and that she probably made those decisions humorously to help her cope with her situation, but nonetheless it was uncomfortable for me as a reader to see her 'erotic' depictions of medical processes, bodily fluids etc.
That aside, the author details her experience with cancer pretty in-depth, which was quite educational, and like I mentioned, can offer really meaningful insights for people dealing with it in their lives. Overall, it's a frank and remarkably optimistic diary comic, but it's not something I'd recommend unless you're specifically looking to read the stories of cancer patients.
January 1, 2026
My library recently added this book to their collection, and I was inclined to read this - partly because of the bunny character Hilnama used to represent herself & partly due to my personal interest in healthcare.
Hilnama's personality shines through as she shares a detailed, transparent account of her cancer diagnosis and healthcare journey. I found the book to be well-balanced, combining educational information (as fact-checked by healthcare professionals around her) with her personal thoughts and experiences.
I am saddened to learn that she passed away in 2022, but I truly feel that she left the world slightly better than she found it by sharing her medical journey with the community and offering a ray of positivity to those facing similar diagnoses.
Some things I particularly enjoyed in this book (bulleted for ease):
- Hilnama emphasizes the importance of having a strong support system, while also acknowledging that loved ones need support during this difficult time (e.g. her husband experiencing depression and navigating the many unknowns alongside her)
-Life doesn't stop after a diagnosis - you still carry on with your day-to-day routines and often crave a sense of normalcy.
- Hilnama provides specific examples of gifts she appreciated (such as jellies- which she was able to eat/stomach) and what she found helpful to hear from friends and family as a patient
-Hilnama requested that her biological parents have no access to her during treatment due to childhood abuse, and her husband's family honored that boundary
-Hilnama references her career as an erotic manga artist throughout the book & I found it funny how she tied a lot of her previous erotica knowledge to some of the procedures she was undergoing. For instance, after a painful colonoscopy, she immediately apologized to what she put her 2D characters through lol.
Hilnama's personality shines through as she shares a detailed, transparent account of her cancer diagnosis and healthcare journey. I found the book to be well-balanced, combining educational information (as fact-checked by healthcare professionals around her) with her personal thoughts and experiences.
I am saddened to learn that she passed away in 2022, but I truly feel that she left the world slightly better than she found it by sharing her medical journey with the community and offering a ray of positivity to those facing similar diagnoses.
Some things I particularly enjoyed in this book (bulleted for ease):
- Hilnama emphasizes the importance of having a strong support system, while also acknowledging that loved ones need support during this difficult time (e.g. her husband experiencing depression and navigating the many unknowns alongside her)
-Life doesn't stop after a diagnosis - you still carry on with your day-to-day routines and often crave a sense of normalcy.
- Hilnama provides specific examples of gifts she appreciated (such as jellies- which she was able to eat/stomach) and what she found helpful to hear from friends and family as a patient
-Hilnama requested that her biological parents have no access to her during treatment due to childhood abuse, and her husband's family honored that boundary
-Hilnama references her career as an erotic manga artist throughout the book & I found it funny how she tied a lot of her previous erotica knowledge to some of the procedures she was undergoing. For instance, after a painful colonoscopy, she immediately apologized to what she put her 2D characters through lol.
April 13, 2023
Wow. I... This manga seriously made me feel like a slab of meat pummeled by a meat tenderizer... It just hit so many sore spots for me and ultimately, I feel so close to this author who doesn't even know I exist.
Let me start by saying that about halfway through the manga, I looked up Hilnama, because I really like her art style and I wanted to see if anything else she's written was translated into English. I wasn't successful in finding other series by her, but I did find out she passed away at home on December 16, 2022. And I've only been her fan for a day, and her personal memoir touched me so much that I'm grieving her loss. I hope someone checks on her husband. According to the manga, he really struggles with depression, and I just really hope someone keeps him company while he's grieving her.
Hilnama's story resonated a lot for me. She walked away from an abusive family and found a home in her in-laws. She worried a lot about unwelcome visits from her parents, or even that they would find out when she did not want them to. She worried about her husband, who had to pick up almost all of the housework because she was unable to do any of it anymore with how weak she was.
And then in the afterword, she celebrated officially being in remission as of December 2020. It's not clear why she passed, but she made it two years after remission. I'm not completely sure what year she was diagnosed, but she definitely made it longer than the doctor's original estimate of 30 months!
It just makes me so sad to read this the day after she passed.
Let me start by saying that about halfway through the manga, I looked up Hilnama, because I really like her art style and I wanted to see if anything else she's written was translated into English. I wasn't successful in finding other series by her, but I did find out she passed away at home on December 16, 2022. And I've only been her fan for a day, and her personal memoir touched me so much that I'm grieving her loss. I hope someone checks on her husband. According to the manga, he really struggles with depression, and I just really hope someone keeps him company while he's grieving her.
Hilnama's story resonated a lot for me. She walked away from an abusive family and found a home in her in-laws. She worried a lot about unwelcome visits from her parents, or even that they would find out when she did not want them to. She worried about her husband, who had to pick up almost all of the housework because she was unable to do any of it anymore with how weak she was.
And then in the afterword, she celebrated officially being in remission as of December 2020. It's not clear why she passed, but she made it two years after remission. I'm not completely sure what year she was diagnosed, but she definitely made it longer than the doctor's original estimate of 30 months!
It just makes me so sad to read this the day after she passed.
January 8, 2023
4.5
I picked up this graphic novel because it was different. It wanted to talk about something real, something that most people don't talk about or share despite all of us knowing people who have went through this. I picked this book up because it's such a difficult subject to talk about, but the author lightened the mood with humor, a cute art style, and an optimistic outlook. And finally I picked it up because it was an autobiography, it was a first hand experience of someone learning they have cancer, what treatments and advice they were given, and what it's like living with it.
Can you imagine what it must've been like to have cancer, have your whole world shaken up, realize you have less than 3 years to live, and then in your weakened state take the time to write + draw something like this to help you move forward?
It was honest, and real, and talks about the little things. What brought her joy during this stressful time as well as the bad. Talks about her fears, her marriage, and her relationship with her friends and family.
I'm really happy to have read this book, and want more people to be aware of what 39.5% of men and women will be diagnosed with sometime in their lifetime.
PS: I'm sad to say that the author passed away a week before I started reading her autobiography.
I picked up this graphic novel because it was different. It wanted to talk about something real, something that most people don't talk about or share despite all of us knowing people who have went through this. I picked this book up because it's such a difficult subject to talk about, but the author lightened the mood with humor, a cute art style, and an optimistic outlook. And finally I picked it up because it was an autobiography, it was a first hand experience of someone learning they have cancer, what treatments and advice they were given, and what it's like living with it.
Can you imagine what it must've been like to have cancer, have your whole world shaken up, realize you have less than 3 years to live, and then in your weakened state take the time to write + draw something like this to help you move forward?
It was honest, and real, and talks about the little things. What brought her joy during this stressful time as well as the bad. Talks about her fears, her marriage, and her relationship with her friends and family.
I'm really happy to have read this book, and want more people to be aware of what 39.5% of men and women will be diagnosed with sometime in their lifetime.
PS: I'm sad to say that the author passed away a week before I started reading her autobiography.
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