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256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2019
He liked precision and hated rough estimates. The approximate was arbitrary, the arbitrary was random, the random was chaotic, and chaos was a killer. Mr. N liked to cut away the imprecise, as he did with his pencils when he sharpened them, shaving their tips into points to make their lines clear and defined. Pens? Pens were unacceptable. Pens could leak, flooding pages with smothering ink. Ink behaved like a dictator: ordering, forbidding, controlling, brooking no dissent. Lead, meanwhile, was merciful, quick to forgive mistakes. Whatever your soul was brooding over, lead would let it speak. Ink soiled the white page; lead dissolved upon the surface, exactly as pain dissolved in the act of writing…
–and–
The human ability to adapt—to things positive and negative, to plenty and scarcity, to life and death—is terrifying. I watched {her} transform day by day. She contracted within the apartment; then she expanded to fill it. She feared her pimp would find her; then she relaxed into her new situation and her new identity. … …I felt her skin expanding, her limbs lengthening, her face settling into gladness. I saw her unwinding into something more tender, like dough when it relaxes.
Our mosquitoes and other local insects have developed quite the work ethic in recent years. They toil now not only to feed themselves, but from the pleasure of causing pain, which, having tasted once, they find impossible to relinquish. Rats, mosquitoes, flies, cockroaches, feral cats, pariah dogs: all of them are vicious now and liable to get drunk on the simple taste of killing, much as humans do.
My head is a train of many cars, each of them going in a different direction. All I need to do is put them back in line so they might travel in the correct direction. Is this my entire life that I have put on the wall? How old have I become now?
“The victim, too, creates its executioner.” (Pág. 146)
“[She] had a body like a prepubscent child. Nothing about it was big or adult-sized except her wide eyes.” (Pág. 149)
“[...] I let myself be carried away by her, for you cannot say no to a small woman like her.” (Pág. 150)
“[...] Her face lit up with hapiness, like a child who has just been released on summer vacation and runs through the park as fast as her legs will carry her.” (Pág. 161)
“[...] she was a woman whose identity wavered between child and lady.” (Pág. 163)
“[…] trying to understand his situation and the ugly cycle of war and its vicious effects upon people” (Pág. 248)
“Criminals were the same everywhere, the poor preying on the poor—one side producing and the other consuming.” (Pág. 50)
“[…] For this was the age of communication, equality, access, brotherhood, neoliberalism, the global village, everyone a citizen of the world, sharing the same conditions.” (Pág. 61)
“Had one angel sent another to help a fallen angel get back up?” (Pág. 129)
“My deficient life was too much for me.” (Pág. 130)
“I have been loaded up with deprivation as a burden I have borne. I have been weighed down with hatred, cruelty, isolation, and death, and I have taken it all. I exceed the Messiah Himself in my ability to endure cruelty and humiliation.” (Pág. 187)
“[…] Don’t they know that the stories we tell are the ghosts that secretly reside within us, the demons hiding in the closets of our souls, the brothers of all our misfortunes and disappointments in this life?” (Pág. 229)
“When something unexpectedly crashes into you, you look around to make sure it isn’t all a dream.” (Pág. 160)
“[…] If only he could realize that true fear is meeting a killer whom you kill, only for him to return, forcing you to kill him again… ” (Pág. 249)
“À Naye, la sève de mon âme.”
“To Nay, the verdant green of my soul” (Pág. 7)
“Il ouvre en grand le rideau entrouvert puis ferme la fenêtre et les deux battants n’en font plus qu’un. […] Il fait deux pas en arrière, les yeux fermés, il prend une grande bouffée d’air, comme quand on s’apprête à sauter, mais le grillage blanc de la fenêtre se rappelle à son souvenir par son ombre quadrillée sur le carreau.”
“He drew the curtain back halfway and opened the window, sliding one pane behind the other. […]Mr. N backed away two steps from the window and drew a long, deep breath—like someone about to jump. Even with his eyes averted, however, the white metal bars forming their squares over the window reminded him of their existence by casting shadows across the floor tiles.” (Pág. 14)
“But the thing he’d loved most of all about that apartment was its broad, indulgent balcony, over which the building’s roof extended, and which was ringed around by a railing supported by small white columns. The balustrade acted as a shield, protecting the apartment from whatever annoyances might reach up from their calm, narrow, dead-end road, which was accessed via a street less narrow and far busier.” (Pp. 21-22)
“We all have a spot on our backs that is vulnerable to loss, where love and security can leak out. They’re square, these areas, the size of a hand, cut into the middle of that smooth, flat surface of our body, where all our nerves, all our feelings, all our longings are exposed.” (Pág. 92)
“[…] My soul became a balcony, suspended in the air, attached to the apartment but not really a part of its life.” (Pág. 98)
“My eyes sleep, but my heart sleeps not, for watchful hearts can never relax, but stand always at the threshold waiting for their owners to return.” (Pág. 233)
“[…] Traces of her perfume—that penetrating French perfume, Femme—would permeate every corner of the apartment.” (Pp. 19-20)
“The odor descended like the Last Judgment, solid and forceful.” (Pág. 46)
“Words are everywhere, they’re the atoms in the air.” (Pág. 42)
“[…] You struggle to draw air into your cells.” (Pág. 98)