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Really Moving On: Healthy Ways to Let Go and Find Closure
Did you know there's a difference between letting go and moving on and between moving on and REALLY moving on? Did you know unhealed wounds destroy a lot of good relationships? After heartbreak, many people don’t let go or move on properly which, unfortunately, starts a terrible cycle in their personal lives. In order to find new love, you must close chapters that aren’t supposed to be open anymore. You have to do more than put bandaids on issues, brush actual healing under the rug, and do just enough to jump headfirst into the next relationship. Really Moving On is a guide to help you navigate real healing and closure, and prepare for real love. It’s also a deep dive into the different myths, habits, and practices that hinder us from actually moving on physically, mentally, and emotionally. So... are you ready to unlearn the wrong things and learn the right things to do? Pick up your copy of “Really Moving on” and get started on a path less traveled. It’s time to get the closure your heart and soul needs.
- GenresPoetry
171 pages, Paperback
Published August 2, 2021
145 people are currently reading
601 people want to read
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January 5, 2022
Moving on is the first phase for anyone who has had their relationship end and forward is their focus. The goal is to get to the other side of it all. It takes a lot of work but it’s still level one, which many do not realize. You no longer think about them, are no longer emotionally attached to them, you’re no longer practicing habits that revolve around them. That’s the first phase.
Really moving on is about making sure you’re over them, as well as not unknowingly letting the experience change you however it pleases. It’s controlling how you change and why you change. It’s taking the wheels and choosing which direction you go.
The relationship, the heartbreak, and the mess after are seeds that have been planted and can eventually grow in your soul. You must make sure they bear fruits instead of becoming cancer haunting your next love life. There are so many people out there who’ve moved on; yet, unknowingly become the person who hurt them to the new partner in their next relationship.
The term ‘hurt people hurt people’ lives because people think just moving on from the situation is enough. That’s settling for the minimum. The smart thing to do is to get the maximum result from this situation. To make sure there are no unresolved issues holding you back.
With the right understanding, you begin to take the right steps to move forward. Without it, you will only find yourself taking steps that lead nowhere or in the wrong direction.
Letting go is releasing something, it’s detaching yourself from something, it’s freeing yourself from some- thing you no longer want to be entangled with. Letting go is about separation, it’s about ending the chapter.
Moving on is about flipping the page. Moving on is moving away from what or who you are letting go of. It’s more than just freeing yourself from something, it’s making sure that something doesn’t have access to you anymore, that it’s not holding you back, it’s not holding on to you and affecting your future. Moving on is about leaving the past behind and being better prepared for the future. The word ‘move’ is in the phrase for a reason, it’s asking you to move from whatever you need to or have to let go of.
Both letting go and moving on are stages you must go through after suffering heartbreak. To successfully go through the stages, you must remember you cannot move on until you let go. Letting go is the first phase of this journey to a stronger and healed you, moving on is the second phase.
One of the things that keeps people from really moving on besides not understanding the phases is not keeping the order. There are a lot of people trying to move on without letting go. They find themselves doing everything to forget their ex and put the relationship in the past without doing the work that needs to be done to let go. You cannot move away from something until you stop holding it.
It’s better to find closure and healing late than to never find it at all. Pretending they exist in your life where they don’t, doesn’t do any good at all. It only creates a weak foundation upon which better cannot be built. Take your time, pace yourself. Doing things right is more important than just doing them. Even when you are putting effort towards doing it the right way, (which you are by reading this book), you can still end up taking the wrong steps along the way by not giving everything its appropriate time to come into fruition.
to better pace yourself, you must understand that you are your own competition.
This often leads to people treating this as a competition battle between themselves and their ex. It becomes all about who can move on faster, who can start doing better quicker, who is in more shape, looks happier, making more money... a list of silly comparisons that can only be measured on shallow levels.
Your ex becomes a rival that shouldn’t exist. You will find yourself distracted from the real goal. We’ve all heard comparison is the thief of joy. So, when you’re trying to get your joy back, you must leave no room for comparison.
It’s important to know who the real enemy is here. It’s not who hurt you anymore, it’s you against you. You against the old you, the broken you, the hurt you. That enemy can’t be fought, it has to be conquered.
This is about you doing what you need to do to be you again. This is about you walking the long journey back to you, to a better you. This is about planting the right seeds and allowing them to grow roots so you can bear the fruits that are good for yourself. Pace yourself, stay in your lane, and get tunnel vision; that’s how you reach your destination. It’s never a race.
When your heart is shattered, you have to deal with a hurt that can’t be touched or treated with medicine to help with physical pain. The fact that it’s an emotional and mental battle, it’s easy to run to something that can numb it since there’s no direct treatment for those things. It’s easier to dive into something to help endure the reality, not fully evaluating if that ‘something’ is good, compared to a prescription a doctor may give you for physical pain
This is the truth for abusing alcohol and even drugs, they provide people an opportunity to run from the pain all while not minimizing it but instead adding to it. Numbing the pain or not experiencing it at every moment doesn’t make the damage less or that there’s less to heal from. It only means you’re getting a temporary relief in this situation, a relief that happens to be another façade causing more pain and even threatening your well-being on a different level.
It’s in our nature to have a desire for comfort, companionship, reassurance, physical touch, and truly everything that falls under the umbrella of love. Those things we can somewhat bring to ourselves, taking the self-love route or even draw them from our friends and family members on the platonic relationship level. However, romantic-less love will not be enough in most cases, if not all.
There’s no better time it will be evident to you that human beings aren’t meant to live without relation- ships than during heartbreak. This is why people feel like they must respond to these cravings and find the next best person for them. People jump into the next person’s arms because they have wants and needs.
After break-ups, it’s easy to act on impulse. It’s common to see people making decisions in an attempt to convince their ex that life is better without them, that they’ve moved on, or are happily single. This leads to them going places they can’t afford, hanging out with friends they shouldn’t be with and who aren’t even real friends, going out on dates with people they know they have no business with hoping to run into their exes to pretend and show off.
To heal, you cannot seek revenge. You cannot let your emotions convince you to act petty or stoop too low.
A better version of you is what you should be fighting for. You only need to fight to impress the old you.
Everything should be about who you are in the mirror and improving that person. When you start trying to show your ex that you have upgraded, you are down- grading. You are putting your focus on less productive things which is going backwards and letting immaturity get the best of you. When you start hanging out with friends who you are only involved with because of this phase you are in, you build superficial and toxic relationships. Some of those relationships may become good friendships, though in most cases, it’s searching for companionship anywhere you can find it.
People make lots of choices in the revenge phase without realizing it does nothing to their ex. However, it puts them a further distance away from their healing. As a matter of fact, it gives your ex ammunition to say you were a poor partner or human being.
To happily move on and find real closure, you have to live for you after relationships end. Focus on growth more than revenge. Make new friends as you grow, rather than build weak relationships to occupy yourself. Date when you are ready, not to show them you’ve moved on.
Become better for you, not to be better than them. When you do things for yourself, you heal, you grow, you let go in peace.
When you don’t seek revenge, you see clearer. With clearer vision, you get to your destination with less hassle. Growth > Revenge.
Forgiveness is the river you will have to drink from to find healing.
Forgiving them is for you. It’s pulling yourself from under the weight of the situation to save your heart from getting clogged up by hate, anger, jealousy, and anything else that comes with being in your position.
It’s making sure what happened to you has no control over you, your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and mind.
When you don’t forgive, you hold the situation in, sometimes storing it deep into your heart where only certain triggers remind you that those feelings are there. It’s planting poison in a garden you want to grow love. When the situation exists in your thoughts, your memories, and is stored in your soul, it slowly gains a power that can even destroy you.
I started believing love was a tool people used to get what they needed. I found myself even saying things like, “Love hurts.”
I started to build a resentment, not only towards her, but people who matched her physical description. I found myself changing my dating preferences, building negative feelings towards people I didn’t know solely because they belonged to a group of people.
It became easier to justify certain stereotypes and make questionable generalizations because of the bad experience.
The answer is, I never forgave the person who hurt me the most. Instead of doing so, I started treating far too many people as the enemy. I started looking at people as possible threats who might hurt me like my ex. I didn’t see myself being the one doing the hurting as it was happening.
It didn’t happen in an instant; but I chose to forgive her. Every bad thought that came, I spoke against. I spoke affirmations on forgiveness. I prayed. I wrote. I even watched how I spoke about her to other people. I forced myself to forgive them. Man! A weight lifted off my shoulder when that negativity lightened.
One thing I discovered is that many of them were simply hurt. The hurt made it hard for them to accept that good men exist or any good can come from men. I later concluded I can’t help those women see men better, I can only help them focus on healing; most importantly, forgiving which will lead to them accepting the truth.
The ultimate act of forgiveness is also forgetting. FORGIVE AND FORGET. Until I started applying this, it was hard keeping forgiveness active. Forgiveness is not just saying I am free- ing you of this sin; it’s also making sure it stays that way.
Forgive and forget is not about acting like whatever happened never happened. It’s not being naïve. It’s about finding freedom and burying the situation in the past. It’s about caring for your heart and your soul and doing whatever it takes to heal and nurture them properly.
None of us escape life without pain. This is where I say live and learn. You deserve to be free, controlled by nothing. Forgive, forgive, forgive, and forget. This is even biblical if you are a fellow believer. God says to forgive those who trespass us because he knows the type of hinderance it will cause in our lives. Again, forgive, forgive, forgive, and forget.
It’s hard to be willing to heal when you don’t believe you deserve it.
Lack of self-forgiveness creates this voice of self- hate that only knows how to take. It’ll take your smile, your growth, your lessons, then blame you. It’s not your fault. You could not have predicted why or that things would go this way. There’s nothing wrong with you. Forgiving yourself is not penalizing yourself for mistakes you made, it’s not claiming ownership for their mistakes.
In the phase where you’re mourning the end of the relationship, it finds reasons to make you adopt all sort of blame. We start crowning ourselves as the reason why it didn’t work. We tell ourselves it’s because we are unworthy, because we aren’t enough, because we are unlovable instead of the fact they couldn’t love us or the relationship just wasn’t worth it. We tell ourselves, we are responsible for all the bad. We put magnifying glasses on our flaws and chastise ourselves for the obvious things that seemingly could’ve prevented our heartbreak. We cast blame on ourselves for things beyond our control.
Forgiving yourself is allowing yourself to be human. We all make mistakes, we all land in positions we shouldn’t be in, we’ve all been disappointed by something. Many fall for people and traps we shouldn’t have. It’s not all your fault; but for what was, acknowledge your error and move forward. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that your past mistakes aren’t who you are. They are a part of you, the past you. They don’t have to always be you.
When those negative thoughts start to rise is when you must remind yourself that people make mistakes. As long you are alive, you have time to do better. You will eventually get it right and love will come. Healing is not just about what was done to you by others. Healing from what you’ve done to yourself is equally as important.
The journey to self-forgiveness will come with a lot of reversing your thinking and rehearsing things you must do. Lots of people find results with writing, practicing affirmations, and even finding confirmation. I encourage you to pick up a journal (preferably one of my lovely journals) and write the good things you value about yourself. Write about the lessons you learned from your mistakes. Write yourself into a good light. Remind yourself of the times you tried your best, the times you loved your
hardest and it wasn’t reciprocated.
Healing is something that doesn’t happen without improvements. Healing is not supposed to be just fixing or repairing what’s been broken. It’s about putting the pieces back in a way that makes it overall better than before.
It’s not about just saying goodbye to the pain and the hurt but growing from it, learning from it. Countless times, I’ve heard people say, “I want to go back to who I was before them”, “I want to get back to the old me.”
Who you were before them is the past. Now, you’ve got a handful of lessons and experience to build on. You must build on it. The entire journey of healing itself is about improving. There’s no moving backwards in moving on. It’s moving forward, this means moving away from the past that no longer serves you. Even if it’s the old version of you.
The goal is to make sure you don’t just let the scars heal and return to what was once before. That’s a waste of your experience. Evolving must come with healing, growth is part moving forward.
There has to be a self-evaluation. Once you forgive them and forgive yourself, the next step is looking into the mirror to find what you contributed to the failure of that last relationship. Do not allow your healing to be about just overcoming what they did to you. It’s time to look deep in the mirror and make it about you, along with them.
You have to spend time collecting lessons, searching for understanding, addressing deep things and doing your absolute best to walk away from this victorious. Maybe you finally see how you could’ve loved better. Maybe you see how much more you should’ve given to the relationship. Perhaps part of the way you communicated caused some tension. Your lack of self-control may have caused some mess. You could’ve been more affectionate, more understanding, more loving.
There are things you didn’t do that must be fixed and improved. You must reflect and grow.
Beware when you are looking at your faults and making the changes you needed to make, that they don’t signal you back into a dead relationship. The lessons, most of the times, are for you to be better in the next relation- ship.
Cleaning your own room for improvement is about bettering yourself overall, becoming a more mature and aware lover. You cannot dwell in this phase; there’s no good in tracing steps trying to right your wrongs when trying to move. Leave the chapter closed.
I came into my current relationship with so much improvement and it worked. This is how I ended up marrying my wife. I had become a much better lover. The corrections I made allowed me to freely love my wife, build strong trust and loyalty simply because the fear did not have as much power over me. I made sure not to leave those blinders on after looking in the mirror.
Growth doesn’t come without correction. You need to be corrected of some things. It’s time for you to search deep and look for what has to go and what needs to come in
When you understand what you are going through and how to handle it, the next step is doing the action steps. Knowledge without execution is of almost no value.
Developing the right mindset and having the proper outlook on things is only half of the battle. With under- standing, you need to take proper steps to move on. We’ve discussed the right foundation, now we must lay the bricks.
To execute, it will take doing things you are not comfortable with, things that will challenge you. It will require discipline, consistency, and honesty. This is where effort comes in. This is where the sweat and tears will produce the results you desire.
Everyone finds it easy to block their ex. It’s a reaction to the emotions, a way to handle the pain. What is not easy is making sure you don’t find yourself snooping around, doing things to keep some type of connection. Disconnecting for the right reason requires you to be disciplined and committed.
Find a journal to do all your writing. Physically do it. Pick up a pen or pencil and go to work. I created a journal specifically for this part because I want to make sure you have resources to do this. A journal has to be the main place this happens. Dumping your thoughts in the wrong places can be bad also.
Write about everything. What you write can help you process different things. Writing about how you met or the things you loved in the beginning can help you process the memories. Writing about the things you’ve learned, appreciated, and love can help you identify what to grow from. Writing about when it all started to the end, how it felt, and what went wrong can help you put the relationship behind. Write about everything.
Really moving on is about making sure you’re over them, as well as not unknowingly letting the experience change you however it pleases. It’s controlling how you change and why you change. It’s taking the wheels and choosing which direction you go.
The relationship, the heartbreak, and the mess after are seeds that have been planted and can eventually grow in your soul. You must make sure they bear fruits instead of becoming cancer haunting your next love life. There are so many people out there who’ve moved on; yet, unknowingly become the person who hurt them to the new partner in their next relationship.
The term ‘hurt people hurt people’ lives because people think just moving on from the situation is enough. That’s settling for the minimum. The smart thing to do is to get the maximum result from this situation. To make sure there are no unresolved issues holding you back.
With the right understanding, you begin to take the right steps to move forward. Without it, you will only find yourself taking steps that lead nowhere or in the wrong direction.
Letting go is releasing something, it’s detaching yourself from something, it’s freeing yourself from some- thing you no longer want to be entangled with. Letting go is about separation, it’s about ending the chapter.
Moving on is about flipping the page. Moving on is moving away from what or who you are letting go of. It’s more than just freeing yourself from something, it’s making sure that something doesn’t have access to you anymore, that it’s not holding you back, it’s not holding on to you and affecting your future. Moving on is about leaving the past behind and being better prepared for the future. The word ‘move’ is in the phrase for a reason, it’s asking you to move from whatever you need to or have to let go of.
Both letting go and moving on are stages you must go through after suffering heartbreak. To successfully go through the stages, you must remember you cannot move on until you let go. Letting go is the first phase of this journey to a stronger and healed you, moving on is the second phase.
One of the things that keeps people from really moving on besides not understanding the phases is not keeping the order. There are a lot of people trying to move on without letting go. They find themselves doing everything to forget their ex and put the relationship in the past without doing the work that needs to be done to let go. You cannot move away from something until you stop holding it.
It’s better to find closure and healing late than to never find it at all. Pretending they exist in your life where they don’t, doesn’t do any good at all. It only creates a weak foundation upon which better cannot be built. Take your time, pace yourself. Doing things right is more important than just doing them. Even when you are putting effort towards doing it the right way, (which you are by reading this book), you can still end up taking the wrong steps along the way by not giving everything its appropriate time to come into fruition.
to better pace yourself, you must understand that you are your own competition.
This often leads to people treating this as a competition battle between themselves and their ex. It becomes all about who can move on faster, who can start doing better quicker, who is in more shape, looks happier, making more money... a list of silly comparisons that can only be measured on shallow levels.
Your ex becomes a rival that shouldn’t exist. You will find yourself distracted from the real goal. We’ve all heard comparison is the thief of joy. So, when you’re trying to get your joy back, you must leave no room for comparison.
It’s important to know who the real enemy is here. It’s not who hurt you anymore, it’s you against you. You against the old you, the broken you, the hurt you. That enemy can’t be fought, it has to be conquered.
This is about you doing what you need to do to be you again. This is about you walking the long journey back to you, to a better you. This is about planting the right seeds and allowing them to grow roots so you can bear the fruits that are good for yourself. Pace yourself, stay in your lane, and get tunnel vision; that’s how you reach your destination. It’s never a race.
When your heart is shattered, you have to deal with a hurt that can’t be touched or treated with medicine to help with physical pain. The fact that it’s an emotional and mental battle, it’s easy to run to something that can numb it since there’s no direct treatment for those things. It’s easier to dive into something to help endure the reality, not fully evaluating if that ‘something’ is good, compared to a prescription a doctor may give you for physical pain
This is the truth for abusing alcohol and even drugs, they provide people an opportunity to run from the pain all while not minimizing it but instead adding to it. Numbing the pain or not experiencing it at every moment doesn’t make the damage less or that there’s less to heal from. It only means you’re getting a temporary relief in this situation, a relief that happens to be another façade causing more pain and even threatening your well-being on a different level.
It’s in our nature to have a desire for comfort, companionship, reassurance, physical touch, and truly everything that falls under the umbrella of love. Those things we can somewhat bring to ourselves, taking the self-love route or even draw them from our friends and family members on the platonic relationship level. However, romantic-less love will not be enough in most cases, if not all.
There’s no better time it will be evident to you that human beings aren’t meant to live without relation- ships than during heartbreak. This is why people feel like they must respond to these cravings and find the next best person for them. People jump into the next person’s arms because they have wants and needs.
After break-ups, it’s easy to act on impulse. It’s common to see people making decisions in an attempt to convince their ex that life is better without them, that they’ve moved on, or are happily single. This leads to them going places they can’t afford, hanging out with friends they shouldn’t be with and who aren’t even real friends, going out on dates with people they know they have no business with hoping to run into their exes to pretend and show off.
To heal, you cannot seek revenge. You cannot let your emotions convince you to act petty or stoop too low.
A better version of you is what you should be fighting for. You only need to fight to impress the old you.
Everything should be about who you are in the mirror and improving that person. When you start trying to show your ex that you have upgraded, you are down- grading. You are putting your focus on less productive things which is going backwards and letting immaturity get the best of you. When you start hanging out with friends who you are only involved with because of this phase you are in, you build superficial and toxic relationships. Some of those relationships may become good friendships, though in most cases, it’s searching for companionship anywhere you can find it.
People make lots of choices in the revenge phase without realizing it does nothing to their ex. However, it puts them a further distance away from their healing. As a matter of fact, it gives your ex ammunition to say you were a poor partner or human being.
To happily move on and find real closure, you have to live for you after relationships end. Focus on growth more than revenge. Make new friends as you grow, rather than build weak relationships to occupy yourself. Date when you are ready, not to show them you’ve moved on.
Become better for you, not to be better than them. When you do things for yourself, you heal, you grow, you let go in peace.
When you don’t seek revenge, you see clearer. With clearer vision, you get to your destination with less hassle. Growth > Revenge.
Forgiveness is the river you will have to drink from to find healing.
Forgiving them is for you. It’s pulling yourself from under the weight of the situation to save your heart from getting clogged up by hate, anger, jealousy, and anything else that comes with being in your position.
It’s making sure what happened to you has no control over you, your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and mind.
When you don’t forgive, you hold the situation in, sometimes storing it deep into your heart where only certain triggers remind you that those feelings are there. It’s planting poison in a garden you want to grow love. When the situation exists in your thoughts, your memories, and is stored in your soul, it slowly gains a power that can even destroy you.
I started believing love was a tool people used to get what they needed. I found myself even saying things like, “Love hurts.”
I started to build a resentment, not only towards her, but people who matched her physical description. I found myself changing my dating preferences, building negative feelings towards people I didn’t know solely because they belonged to a group of people.
It became easier to justify certain stereotypes and make questionable generalizations because of the bad experience.
The answer is, I never forgave the person who hurt me the most. Instead of doing so, I started treating far too many people as the enemy. I started looking at people as possible threats who might hurt me like my ex. I didn’t see myself being the one doing the hurting as it was happening.
It didn’t happen in an instant; but I chose to forgive her. Every bad thought that came, I spoke against. I spoke affirmations on forgiveness. I prayed. I wrote. I even watched how I spoke about her to other people. I forced myself to forgive them. Man! A weight lifted off my shoulder when that negativity lightened.
One thing I discovered is that many of them were simply hurt. The hurt made it hard for them to accept that good men exist or any good can come from men. I later concluded I can’t help those women see men better, I can only help them focus on healing; most importantly, forgiving which will lead to them accepting the truth.
The ultimate act of forgiveness is also forgetting. FORGIVE AND FORGET. Until I started applying this, it was hard keeping forgiveness active. Forgiveness is not just saying I am free- ing you of this sin; it’s also making sure it stays that way.
Forgive and forget is not about acting like whatever happened never happened. It’s not being naïve. It’s about finding freedom and burying the situation in the past. It’s about caring for your heart and your soul and doing whatever it takes to heal and nurture them properly.
None of us escape life without pain. This is where I say live and learn. You deserve to be free, controlled by nothing. Forgive, forgive, forgive, and forget. This is even biblical if you are a fellow believer. God says to forgive those who trespass us because he knows the type of hinderance it will cause in our lives. Again, forgive, forgive, forgive, and forget.
It’s hard to be willing to heal when you don’t believe you deserve it.
Lack of self-forgiveness creates this voice of self- hate that only knows how to take. It’ll take your smile, your growth, your lessons, then blame you. It’s not your fault. You could not have predicted why or that things would go this way. There’s nothing wrong with you. Forgiving yourself is not penalizing yourself for mistakes you made, it’s not claiming ownership for their mistakes.
In the phase where you’re mourning the end of the relationship, it finds reasons to make you adopt all sort of blame. We start crowning ourselves as the reason why it didn’t work. We tell ourselves it’s because we are unworthy, because we aren’t enough, because we are unlovable instead of the fact they couldn’t love us or the relationship just wasn’t worth it. We tell ourselves, we are responsible for all the bad. We put magnifying glasses on our flaws and chastise ourselves for the obvious things that seemingly could’ve prevented our heartbreak. We cast blame on ourselves for things beyond our control.
Forgiving yourself is allowing yourself to be human. We all make mistakes, we all land in positions we shouldn’t be in, we’ve all been disappointed by something. Many fall for people and traps we shouldn’t have. It’s not all your fault; but for what was, acknowledge your error and move forward. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that your past mistakes aren’t who you are. They are a part of you, the past you. They don’t have to always be you.
When those negative thoughts start to rise is when you must remind yourself that people make mistakes. As long you are alive, you have time to do better. You will eventually get it right and love will come. Healing is not just about what was done to you by others. Healing from what you’ve done to yourself is equally as important.
The journey to self-forgiveness will come with a lot of reversing your thinking and rehearsing things you must do. Lots of people find results with writing, practicing affirmations, and even finding confirmation. I encourage you to pick up a journal (preferably one of my lovely journals) and write the good things you value about yourself. Write about the lessons you learned from your mistakes. Write yourself into a good light. Remind yourself of the times you tried your best, the times you loved your
hardest and it wasn’t reciprocated.
Healing is something that doesn’t happen without improvements. Healing is not supposed to be just fixing or repairing what’s been broken. It’s about putting the pieces back in a way that makes it overall better than before.
It’s not about just saying goodbye to the pain and the hurt but growing from it, learning from it. Countless times, I’ve heard people say, “I want to go back to who I was before them”, “I want to get back to the old me.”
Who you were before them is the past. Now, you’ve got a handful of lessons and experience to build on. You must build on it. The entire journey of healing itself is about improving. There’s no moving backwards in moving on. It’s moving forward, this means moving away from the past that no longer serves you. Even if it’s the old version of you.
The goal is to make sure you don’t just let the scars heal and return to what was once before. That’s a waste of your experience. Evolving must come with healing, growth is part moving forward.
There has to be a self-evaluation. Once you forgive them and forgive yourself, the next step is looking into the mirror to find what you contributed to the failure of that last relationship. Do not allow your healing to be about just overcoming what they did to you. It’s time to look deep in the mirror and make it about you, along with them.
You have to spend time collecting lessons, searching for understanding, addressing deep things and doing your absolute best to walk away from this victorious. Maybe you finally see how you could’ve loved better. Maybe you see how much more you should’ve given to the relationship. Perhaps part of the way you communicated caused some tension. Your lack of self-control may have caused some mess. You could’ve been more affectionate, more understanding, more loving.
There are things you didn’t do that must be fixed and improved. You must reflect and grow.
Beware when you are looking at your faults and making the changes you needed to make, that they don’t signal you back into a dead relationship. The lessons, most of the times, are for you to be better in the next relation- ship.
Cleaning your own room for improvement is about bettering yourself overall, becoming a more mature and aware lover. You cannot dwell in this phase; there’s no good in tracing steps trying to right your wrongs when trying to move. Leave the chapter closed.
I came into my current relationship with so much improvement and it worked. This is how I ended up marrying my wife. I had become a much better lover. The corrections I made allowed me to freely love my wife, build strong trust and loyalty simply because the fear did not have as much power over me. I made sure not to leave those blinders on after looking in the mirror.
Growth doesn’t come without correction. You need to be corrected of some things. It’s time for you to search deep and look for what has to go and what needs to come in
When you understand what you are going through and how to handle it, the next step is doing the action steps. Knowledge without execution is of almost no value.
Developing the right mindset and having the proper outlook on things is only half of the battle. With under- standing, you need to take proper steps to move on. We’ve discussed the right foundation, now we must lay the bricks.
To execute, it will take doing things you are not comfortable with, things that will challenge you. It will require discipline, consistency, and honesty. This is where effort comes in. This is where the sweat and tears will produce the results you desire.
Everyone finds it easy to block their ex. It’s a reaction to the emotions, a way to handle the pain. What is not easy is making sure you don’t find yourself snooping around, doing things to keep some type of connection. Disconnecting for the right reason requires you to be disciplined and committed.
Find a journal to do all your writing. Physically do it. Pick up a pen or pencil and go to work. I created a journal specifically for this part because I want to make sure you have resources to do this. A journal has to be the main place this happens. Dumping your thoughts in the wrong places can be bad also.
Write about everything. What you write can help you process different things. Writing about how you met or the things you loved in the beginning can help you process the memories. Writing about the things you’ve learned, appreciated, and love can help you identify what to grow from. Writing about when it all started to the end, how it felt, and what went wrong can help you put the relationship behind. Write about everything.
January 26, 2023
Healing does a body good! To get the results you desire, you have to keep it real with yourself, be honest, and consistently put forth the effort to be the best version of yourself.
February 14, 2025
Just finished Really Moving On: Healthy Ways to Let Go and Find Closure by Pierre Alex Jeanty, and whew—this one had some gems! While it could use a little more attention to editing, the message still hit deep.
I really loved how Pierre emphasizes slowing down and truly getting to know the version of yourself that emerges during the healing process. You know that saying, “the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone new”? Yeah… Pierre is NOT here for that. He calls us out and reminds us that healing before jumping into something (or someone) new is crucial.
One line that stuck with me: “Jumping from one relationship to another is like drinking poison for medicine.” A WORD. So many people rush into the next thing just to avoid being alone, but in reality, that’s not healing—that’s just distraction.
Definitely worth the read if you’re looking for real, no-BS advice on moving forward the healthy way.
I really loved how Pierre emphasizes slowing down and truly getting to know the version of yourself that emerges during the healing process. You know that saying, “the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone new”? Yeah… Pierre is NOT here for that. He calls us out and reminds us that healing before jumping into something (or someone) new is crucial.
One line that stuck with me: “Jumping from one relationship to another is like drinking poison for medicine.” A WORD. So many people rush into the next thing just to avoid being alone, but in reality, that’s not healing—that’s just distraction.
Definitely worth the read if you’re looking for real, no-BS advice on moving forward the healthy way.
December 5, 2022
I found the book to be helpful with some practical steps to take after a breakup. I think the questions posed are good and thoughtful to where you need to take a moment and ask yourself the hard questions. See the relationship as it really was and how to best process through the feelings and emotions.
September 9, 2022
Easy to read, had some really practical and meaningful points, and I believe he is right.
September 16, 2022
Some useful information, but badly needs editing. How was it published in this state?
November 19, 2022
Great book for breakups
It’s great to help someone get over a breakup, nice tools to do and an easy read , worth the money
It’s great to help someone get over a breakup, nice tools to do and an easy read , worth the money
March 11, 2023
I read it in couple of horus.. Very interesting and very practical.
Currently reading
April 20, 2023can anyone guide how to open the book as if I click on want to read it is asking to tag and then not showing anything
July 25, 2024
Not for me personally, it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. But it could be really great for someone going through heartbreak.
May 13, 2025
Very good book all about how to positively move on. There’s a lot of useful tips and really helped to guide me on my own personal healing journey. Very easy read
June 3, 2025
Easy and fast read. Was able to relate and find a few things I wanted to apply in my life. But also didn't feel life changing or as if I learned a whole lot of new things.
November 13, 2022
Its a wonderful book
November 13, 2023
Not for the weak. No holds barred honest action to heal. Very motivating though definitely difficult to absorb during a heartbreak. Take your time to heal. You are worth it. I've noted some valuable passages to revisit.
*the kindle version has lots of editing errors including 2 pages in micro size print.
*the author dabbles in an annoying amount of self promotion to buy all of his other products. This reader dislikes that pushiness and chooses to find her own materials, thanks. An afterword mentioning your other content is more tasteful IMO.
*the kindle version has lots of editing errors including 2 pages in micro size print.
*the author dabbles in an annoying amount of self promotion to buy all of his other products. This reader dislikes that pushiness and chooses to find her own materials, thanks. An afterword mentioning your other content is more tasteful IMO.
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