Darling Acres: The Breakdown Poems

by Amy M. Vaughn

An unmedicated bipolar summer, aggravated by physical pain, isolation, and suicidal thoughts and attenuated with gallows humor and tinges of hope. Amy M. Vaughn's minimalist poems are straightforward, short and, for many, will be instantly relatable.

119 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 17, 2021

Reviews

[Jack Stark · Rating 5 out of 5]

So I'm just gonna get this out of the way; Amy and I are e-acquaintances. Oh, look at me being a big time namedropper. We, along with a handful of other storytellers, have had a few film nights (afternoons for those in the States) where we watched terrible films together and lovingly, and a little cynically, reacted to them on Discord. I always had a lot of fun doing so. I'm fond of Amy (not in a weird way, don't make it weird.) BUT my 5 stars is not a polite gesture to a peer because of the aforementioned. Those 5 stars I clicked on are entirely deserved.

It took me a while to get this book because I was concerned about needing to be in the right frame of mind for it, and I'm glad I did finally read it because many of these pieces spoke to me on a profound level. They made me feel less alone. I struggled to not highlight and quote seemingly every other stanza/line. I've read a handful of Amy's stuff now and I've always found them relatable and enjoyable. I think we are similar storytellers, who write about similar topics, and write in a similar style.

Yeah okay, CJ, but what about this particular book.
Well I'm glad you asked. Amy was unfortunate enough to develop blood clots after receiving a COVID vaccine. This led to her needing to stop taking lithium, her prescribed medication for the treatment of Bipolar Disorder. These pieces chronicle little snippets of her days, little ruminations, and the ups and downs (pun not intended but relevant) whilst she was going through this.

Anyone who has experienced depression and/or suicidal ideation will undoubtedly find so many things relatable. I have never experienced mania, but I feel like I have a better understanding (even in a little way) of what it is like for those who have, thanks to reading this. These pieces are candid, brutal in parts, sometimes comical, sometimes heart-breaking whilst resisting becoming self-indulgent. They are brief, and yet, they are dense with meaningful messages.

This is an important story, one that absolutely needs to be told, and needs to be read by both those who can relate due to their own experiences and by those lucky enough not to have the displeasure. I'm glad this book exists. I'm glad I read it.

I'll leave you with one piece that, although relatively tame compared to the other pieces, spoke to my very soul. In August 2021 I was dismissed from my job and in April of this year I was medically retired due to my own mental illness. When I have nothing better to do, and nowhere to go, and feel worthless, I turn to the stories and thoughts than run through my head and try to get them out. But I am not a writer. Amy's piece 31 is kinda about depression and mental illness, but also summarised my own views on being a writer. Thoughts that, up until this moment, I felt alone with.

31


I write because I have nothing better to do
I write because I can't hold a job
I write because I can't go anywhere
I write because I have no talent
for painting
or clay
or people


But I am not a writer
I don't want to be
and it's one of those things you have a choice in
calling yourself a writer


I tried it, didn't like it
I wrote six books
or seven


It would be fine
great even
if being a writer only meant writing
but it doesn't


It also means
submitting
networking
constantly marketing your self
All acts my fragile psyche can't abide
So I might write
but I will not be a writer

My thanks to Amy for sharing these pieces with us.

Anyway, I'm off for a walk around the block. Until next time, peace and love.

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just as it sounds, these poems capture a period of mental breakdown precipitated by multiple health challenges. Depression, anhedonia, and suicidal thoughts become more recurring and intense as the poet struggles to get from one day to the next, suffering from distress and often acute bodily pain. Among the continuous threads in these poems are her regular walks around her neighborhood, actually called Darling Acres, where she observes the big and small, the pleasant and unsightly, and the mundane and odd. Woven into the rest of her everyday experiences, the world of this neighborhood begins to feel somewhat like a cage, though not always an oppressive one, which at the same time gives a sense of structure and even space to the chaos and darkness of mental breakdown. Amy M. Vaughn uses the white space--what is left unsaid--to great effect in the economy of these poems. This book is personal, vividly written, and rich with insight into the terrible experience of suffering from relentless suicidal thoughts.

[Nena Nerhan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving

A quick read. a view inside the mind and thoughts of having bipolar and chronic pain. Very moving and relatable.

[Luke Kondor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking but also quite lovely.