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Psihologia Iertarii
Ati suferit de pe urma unei persoane care v-a ranit? Sau i-ati provocat cuiva o suferinta? Tuturor ni s-a intamplat, caci interactiunile umane mai putin placute fac parte din viata. Dar ce se intampla atunci cand cel care a comis o tradare, a adus o ofensa ori a creat un inconvenient nu cere scuze si nu se caieste? Cartea aceasta explica procesul iertarii, din perspectiva ambelor parti implicate. Pe de o parte, cel ranit are nevoie sa-i fie validata durerea, sa iasa la lumina adevarul, iar ofensatorul sa-si exprime regretul. Pe de alta parte, cel care a provocat durerea poate avea nevoie sa refaca relatia cu partea lezata, sa-i redobandeasca increderea si sa se impace cu sine. Harriet Lerner ne de ce unii oameni nu cer niciodata iertare; cum se face ca cei mai rai dintre agresori nu au vreodata remuscari; in ce fel adanceste rana o scuza falsa; cand e cazul sa acceptam o scuza autentica; cum sa evitam atitudinea defensiva, daca suntem acuzati pe nedrept; de ce nu avem nevoie sa iertam, ca sa putem merge mai departe; cat este de firesc sa nu iertam in totalitate pe cineva; care sunt caile de a ne gasi pacea mintii, chiar daca nu am iertat... ...si multe alte concluzii contraintuitive, pe care ea le-a descoperit dupa ce a intors pe toate fetele procesul iertarii si scuzele. In paginile cartii vom gasi povesti de viata captivante si concluzii teoretice solide pentru ceea ce inseamna psihologia iertarii. Cu intelepciune si umor, Harriet Lerner ne pune la dispozitie un ghid salvator, astfel incat sa putem depasi orice situatie problematica. Daca vreti sa stiti de ce Harriet Lerner este una dintre eroinele mele, atunci Psihologia iertarii este raspunsul. Aceasta carte schimba regulile jocului. Dr. Brene Brown, profesor universitar si cercetator Traim intr-o lume in care vorbim de credinta, dar nu stim sa-i urmam pildele. Ii judecam pe altii mult prea aspru, dar nu ne privim obiectiv in oglinda. Vorbim despre toleranta, dar stim mai bine decat orice sa fim neiertatori. Iertarea vine mult mai usor cand ai rabdarea de a intelege. Iar cea mai grea dintre toate pare a fi iertarea de sine. Ca si cand ar fi gasit o cheie magica ce deschide un lacat si o usa dincolo de care se ascund toate raspunsurile atat de mult cautate pana acum, dr. Harriet Lerner face minuni pentru cititorul ce se regaseste atat de profund in cuvintele ei. Ele nu suna doar bine, ci, mai important decat orice, ofera solutii. Andreea Marin, life coach, personalitate me
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Published April 16, 2021
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About the author
Harriet Lerner
68 books975 followersDr. Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology, City University of New York; M.A. Educational Psychology, Columbia University Teachers College), was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, the second of two daughters. Her parents, Archie and Rose Goldhor, were both children of Russian-Jewish immigrant parents. They were high school graduates who wanted their daughters to "be someone" at a time when women were only supposed to "find someone."
"Achievement was next to Godliness for my sister, Susan, and me." Harriet notes. "My father would talk about ‘My daughters the doctors’ while we were still in our strollers."
Growing up, Harriet and Susan spent weekends at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, the Brooklyn Public Library and the Brooklyn Museum. "These places were free and just a subway token away."
Lerner's mother had an unwavering belief in her daughters and strong principles about how to raise children. In Harriet's words:
"Even during the hardest economic times my mother, Rose, made sure that Susan and I had four things that she believed were essential to our later success:
1. Good shoes (I don't mean stylish)
2. A firm, quality mattress
3. A top pediatrician (none other than Doctor Benjamin Spock);
4. A therapist
Unlike other parents of the day who considered therapy to be a last resort of the mentally ill, my mother thought it was a learning experience. She put me in therapy before I was three, after obtaining a health insurance policy that provided weekly therapy sessions for one dollar. I later joked that my mother would send me to a therapist if I came home from school with anything less than a B plus. I was exaggerating, but only a little bit. "
Her mother's belief in therapy undoubtedly contributed to Lerner's career choice. She decided to become a clinical psychologist before finishing kindergarten - a decision she never veered from.
EDUCATION AND CAREER
Lerner attended local public schools in Brooklyn including Midwood High School. She did her undergraduate work at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, where she majored in psychology and Indian studies. She spent her junior year studying and doing research in Delhi, India. Lerner received an M.A. in educational psychology from Teachers' College of Columbia University and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the City University of New York. It was there that she met and later married Steve Lerner, also a clinical psychologist.
Harriet and Steve did a pre-doctoral internship at Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco and moved to Topeka, Kansas in 1972 for a two-year postdoctoral training program at the Menninger Foundation, where they subsequently joined the staff.
"We always planned to move back to Berkeley or New York,” says Lerner. “But two years in Topeka turned into two decades - and then some.” She now identifies herself as a Kansan and claims to have overcome her coastal arrogance. She has grown to love the simple life (meaning she has never had to learn to parallel park) and the big open skies. After Menninger closed shop in Topeka and moved to Houston, Lerner and her husband moved to Lawrence, Kansas where they currently have a private practice. They have two sons, Matt and Ben.
Lerner is best known for her scholarly work on the psychology of women and family relationships, and for her many best-selling books. Feminism and family systems theory continue to inform her writing. She has dedicated her writing life to translating complex theory into accessible and useful prose, and has become one of our nation's most trusted and respected relationship experts.
Lerner's books have been published in more than thirty-five foreign editions. Her latest book (January 2012) is Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up.
HONORS AND AWARDS (PARTIAL LISTING)
New York Distinguished Honor, National Anger Management Association
Kansas Distinguished Award for Literature
William Allen
"Achievement was next to Godliness for my sister, Susan, and me." Harriet notes. "My father would talk about ‘My daughters the doctors’ while we were still in our strollers."
Growing up, Harriet and Susan spent weekends at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, the Brooklyn Public Library and the Brooklyn Museum. "These places were free and just a subway token away."
Lerner's mother had an unwavering belief in her daughters and strong principles about how to raise children. In Harriet's words:
"Even during the hardest economic times my mother, Rose, made sure that Susan and I had four things that she believed were essential to our later success:
1. Good shoes (I don't mean stylish)
2. A firm, quality mattress
3. A top pediatrician (none other than Doctor Benjamin Spock);
4. A therapist
Unlike other parents of the day who considered therapy to be a last resort of the mentally ill, my mother thought it was a learning experience. She put me in therapy before I was three, after obtaining a health insurance policy that provided weekly therapy sessions for one dollar. I later joked that my mother would send me to a therapist if I came home from school with anything less than a B plus. I was exaggerating, but only a little bit. "
Her mother's belief in therapy undoubtedly contributed to Lerner's career choice. She decided to become a clinical psychologist before finishing kindergarten - a decision she never veered from.
EDUCATION AND CAREER
Lerner attended local public schools in Brooklyn including Midwood High School. She did her undergraduate work at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, where she majored in psychology and Indian studies. She spent her junior year studying and doing research in Delhi, India. Lerner received an M.A. in educational psychology from Teachers' College of Columbia University and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the City University of New York. It was there that she met and later married Steve Lerner, also a clinical psychologist.
Harriet and Steve did a pre-doctoral internship at Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco and moved to Topeka, Kansas in 1972 for a two-year postdoctoral training program at the Menninger Foundation, where they subsequently joined the staff.
"We always planned to move back to Berkeley or New York,” says Lerner. “But two years in Topeka turned into two decades - and then some.” She now identifies herself as a Kansan and claims to have overcome her coastal arrogance. She has grown to love the simple life (meaning she has never had to learn to parallel park) and the big open skies. After Menninger closed shop in Topeka and moved to Houston, Lerner and her husband moved to Lawrence, Kansas where they currently have a private practice. They have two sons, Matt and Ben.
Lerner is best known for her scholarly work on the psychology of women and family relationships, and for her many best-selling books. Feminism and family systems theory continue to inform her writing. She has dedicated her writing life to translating complex theory into accessible and useful prose, and has become one of our nation's most trusted and respected relationship experts.
Lerner's books have been published in more than thirty-five foreign editions. Her latest book (January 2012) is Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up.
HONORS AND AWARDS (PARTIAL LISTING)
New York Distinguished Honor, National Anger Management Association
Kansas Distinguished Award for Literature
William Allen
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
October 24, 2022
Credeam că știu să îmi cer iertare....
Cartea asta m-a pus față în față cu rușinea și vinovația faptului că habar n-aveam cum să formulez scuza în așa fel încât să nu fie o scuză falsă. Adică fără justificări sau blamări ale emoțiilor celuilat.
Ca întotdeauna, Harriet Lerner este magistrală în modul în care livrează informațiile: exemple concrete, teorii ușor de înțeles, pași aplicabili pentru oricine.
Este o lectură împuternicitoare, care simt că mă ajută să am relații mai armonioase.
Recomand din suflet!
Cartea asta m-a pus față în față cu rușinea și vinovația faptului că habar n-aveam cum să formulez scuza în așa fel încât să nu fie o scuză falsă. Adică fără justificări sau blamări ale emoțiilor celuilat.
Ca întotdeauna, Harriet Lerner este magistrală în modul în care livrează informațiile: exemple concrete, teorii ușor de înțeles, pași aplicabili pentru oricine.
Este o lectură împuternicitoare, care simt că mă ajută să am relații mai armonioase.
Recomand din suflet!
July 15, 2023
3.5 ~ 4 stele, informații bune, structura si dezvoltarea unor idei mai in profunzime ar fi clasat, pentru mine, cartea mai sus.
February 27, 2022
I've learned a lot of things out of this book, will definitely know next time how to make excuses and take responsabilities for my actions and words and how to recognize the false ones. Sincere, easy to read with a variety of dos and don'ts life situations of why some people sick forgiveness and others don't. Countless personal development books, blogs and seminars promise to alleviate your suffering, but pain and torment are part of life as much as happiness and joy. The only way to avoid being mistreated in this world is to hide in a dark corner and remain silent. If you go out into the world or let others into your world, you will be hurt many times over. If we want to get rid of anger and hatred, it is necessary for us to give up the illusion that we can have a different past and also move away from the hope of a fantasy future. What we have is life in the present, where we are not forced to get stuck in anger and exacerbated resentments, which are of no use to us. We are not living in a idelistic world.
Favorites quotes:
Perfectionists fail to identify themselfs with the wise words: I'm not ok, you're not ok, and that's ok.
The ability to take responsibility, to feel empathy and rebuke, and then to make meaningful excuses lies, rather, in the amount of self-love and self-respect that person has. We do not have the power to give these two traits to others, but only to ourselves.
To forgive means to release a prisoner and to discover that that prisoner was you.
Don't take things so personally. Unhappiness and insecurity can cause people to say stupid things. When others misbehave, it has to do with them, not with you.
Anger is a company of intense attachment (although negative), as it is love. Either anger and love can keep us close to each other.
Favorites quotes:
Perfectionists fail to identify themselfs with the wise words: I'm not ok, you're not ok, and that's ok.
The ability to take responsibility, to feel empathy and rebuke, and then to make meaningful excuses lies, rather, in the amount of self-love and self-respect that person has. We do not have the power to give these two traits to others, but only to ourselves.
To forgive means to release a prisoner and to discover that that prisoner was you.
Don't take things so personally. Unhappiness and insecurity can cause people to say stupid things. When others misbehave, it has to do with them, not with you.
Anger is a company of intense attachment (although negative), as it is love. Either anger and love can keep us close to each other.
January 18, 2023
* Capacitatea de a-ti asuma responsabilitatea, de a simti empatie si mustrari de cuget si, apoi, de a prezenta niste scuze pline de semnificatie rezida, mai degraba, in cantitatea de iubire de sine si respect de sine de care dispui. Nu avem puterea de a conferi aceste doua trasaturi altora, ci numai noua insine
* Nu-ti refaci tu umanitatea, cand ierti un ofensator care nu-ti cere scuze, el isi reface umanitatea, cand se straduieste sa-ti dobandeasca iertarea.
* Oamenii care par sa tina cu dintii de furie sau amaraciunea lor adesea n-au primit o validare clara, directa si sincera, la scurta vreme dupa tradare sau neglijenta anterioara i-a afectat.
* Nu esti o persoana mai putin iubitoare sau incompleta, daca iti raman anumite lucruri pe care nu le poti ierta si daca iti doresti ca pe anumite persoane sa nu le mai intalnesti vreodata-n viata.
* Nu lua lucrurile asa de personal. Nefericirea sau nesiguranta pot determina oamenii sa spuna lucruri stupide. Cand alti oameni se poarta rau, asta are de-a face cu ei, nu cu tine.
* Nu-ti refaci tu umanitatea, cand ierti un ofensator care nu-ti cere scuze, el isi reface umanitatea, cand se straduieste sa-ti dobandeasca iertarea.
* Oamenii care par sa tina cu dintii de furie sau amaraciunea lor adesea n-au primit o validare clara, directa si sincera, la scurta vreme dupa tradare sau neglijenta anterioara i-a afectat.
* Nu esti o persoana mai putin iubitoare sau incompleta, daca iti raman anumite lucruri pe care nu le poti ierta si daca iti doresti ca pe anumite persoane sa nu le mai intalnesti vreodata-n viata.
* Nu lua lucrurile asa de personal. Nefericirea sau nesiguranta pot determina oamenii sa spuna lucruri stupide. Cand alti oameni se poarta rau, asta are de-a face cu ei, nu cu tine.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews