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Resilient Kids: Raising Them to Embrace Life with Confidence
Children need to believe their future is bright. The more disappointments they don’t recover well from, the less likely they are to dream. When they do not process challenging experiences well it can lead to defeat, rather than encourage them to grow and mature. Far too many children don’t grasp their strengths and, as a result do not believe they can overcome negative encounters. Apathy sets in. Discouragement persists. Arguments rage. Mental health suffers. Children need to be resilient and when they develop this ability and make wise choices it becomes part of their character. Furthermore, they need parents who help them to learn from negative experiences and who allow them a certain measure of struggle. In Resilient Kids moms and dads will learn the power and purpose of resilience and how to parent so as to make it more likely their children will utilize this character quality.
192 pages, Paperback
Published August 2, 2022
32 people are currently reading
296 people want to read
About the author
Kathy Koch
36 books94 followersDR. KATHY KOCH is the Founder and President of Celebrate Kids, Inc., a Christian ministry based in Fort Worth, Texas. She is an internationally celebrated speaker who has influenced thousands of parents, teachers, and children in over 25 countries through keynote messages, workshops, seminars, assemblies, and other events. She also blogs regularly at www.DrKathyKoch.com.
Dr. Kathy's newest book, coauthored with Jill Savage, No More Perfect Kids: Love Your Kids For Who They Are, helps parents understand why they must get to know their children to parent them wisely. How Am I Smart? A Parent's Guide to Multiple Intelligences helps parents understand their children's learning strengths. Finding Authentic Hope and Wholeness: 5 Questions That Will Change Your Life provides a solution-focused, enriching approach to real problems. Her book, Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World, will be published in March, 2015.Dr. Kathy earned a Ph.D. in reading and educational psychology from Purdue University. She was a tenured associate professor of education at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, a teacher of second graders, a middle school coach, and a school board member prior to becoming a full-time conference and keynote speaker in 1991.
Dr. Kathy's newest book, coauthored with Jill Savage, No More Perfect Kids: Love Your Kids For Who They Are, helps parents understand why they must get to know their children to parent them wisely. How Am I Smart? A Parent's Guide to Multiple Intelligences helps parents understand their children's learning strengths. Finding Authentic Hope and Wholeness: 5 Questions That Will Change Your Life provides a solution-focused, enriching approach to real problems. Her book, Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World, will be published in March, 2015.Dr. Kathy earned a Ph.D. in reading and educational psychology from Purdue University. She was a tenured associate professor of education at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, a teacher of second graders, a middle school coach, and a school board member prior to becoming a full-time conference and keynote speaker in 1991.
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
February 11, 2023
Book 33 of 2023
This was good, but fell a little short of the goodness that was Start With the Heart. All of her advice and encouragement in here was good, but didn’t go quite as in depth as some of her other stuff. Overall, it was a great reminder of what’s important when raising our kids to be resilient. We can’t protect them from everything, so how are we raising them to be able to walk through the difficulties of life dependent upon God? Good stuff here.
Format: audiobook (Libby)
This was good, but fell a little short of the goodness that was Start With the Heart. All of her advice and encouragement in here was good, but didn’t go quite as in depth as some of her other stuff. Overall, it was a great reminder of what’s important when raising our kids to be resilient. We can’t protect them from everything, so how are we raising them to be able to walk through the difficulties of life dependent upon God? Good stuff here.
Format: audiobook (Libby)
July 5, 2023
This has been a good read for a homeschool Moms book club. It’s sparked good discussion. The message is solid, yet the way it was written was somewhat disjointed. It could have been more cohesive. I would recommend it though!
June 24, 2024
Very practical and organized tools, advice & encouragement.
July 3, 2025
Chapter 6-7 were good. Rest was blah
July 12, 2025
This was probably the weakest of Dr. Koch's books that I've read so far. 8 Great Smarts and 5 to Thrive were revelations. The veil dropped from my eyes and I looked at my kids and myself a little different. Those books were astounding. I just didn't get that here. Don't misunderstand me. This is still better than any child psychology book I've looked at, or teaching book I read in college. This book is still absolutely awesome, it just wasn't as impactful (for me) as the other two of hers I've read.
I have a couple of problems with this book. I don't know if it is because I am a guy, more old school, or just because of my own up bringing and "little t" trauma.
First, it seemed like everything needs to be fixed with a conversation about feelings and emotions. It seems like her definition of resiliency doesn't mean forgetting about an event and moving on, it means talking about an event for hours and hours until you've worked through something that probably doesn't have any depth to it. A kid made fun of me, I didn't get picked for a team, I failed a math test. All of these require a two and half hour conversation about you are still loved, God still loves you, and God is still good. Any event happens in life that is even a little unexpected or undesired, and we need to spend the next several days/weeks/months analyzing the event. The only fix is to break out the coffee, open up the ice cream and let's pray and discuss and talk for the next two hours. To me, it reads like a woman's idea of a fix, but not a mans. Let's go build something, let's go shoot something, let's go play something, let's go punch something. Those are all ways we can get over whatever happened and move on with our lives.
In the same vein, everything need to be fixed. All of the above examples become moments of trauma. What some idiot said online becomes a moment of trauma. What some kid did, what some teacher did, what ever happens is a moment of trauma and needs to be worked through. When did we stop telling kids to knock it off and get over it? I tell my four year-old to eat his supper, he throws a giant fit, and now we have a moment of trauma we need to work through. My ten year-old didn't get her stripe in jujitsu, and we have a moment of trauma we need to work through. A fifteen year old gets his heart broken by a girl, and now we have a moment of trauma we need to work though. I'm not sure it is resiliency when we expect every little inconvenience in life to turn into trauma and we need to work through it.
I struggle with the fact that people have been struggling, failing, hit with unexpected nonsense for centuries. Honest to goodness, since Adam and Eve ate the apple the sin in this world has destroyed lives and caused legitimate problems. And humanity as a whole has never needed this type of thinking before . . .
We've decided to raise our kids with gloves on, and we've made weaker people because of it. We have leveled against them the Tyranny of Low Expectations, and now we don't expect them to be able to bounce back from a math test, or to go try to talk to another mate. We've allowed them to live in our basements indefinitely, and no discussion about feelings and emotions is going to fix that problem.
After reading this book, I can't tell if I'm resilient or not. I was never raised like this, and I'm not sure why we need to be insulated by conversations and safe spaces. I didn't make a team, my dad said it sucks and we tried again next year. I failed a test, I was told to go study and get my grades up. I had my heart broken by some girl, I got sad, listened to sappy music, and hit the gym to make her jealous the next time she saw me. These weren't moments of trauma that needed to be discussed so I would feel better, they were part of life and you had to move on.
There is an episode of Bluey I recently watched with my kids called Cricket and it gives the same message as this book, but better. Look, you're going to face tougher things in life than this, you can either run away or step up and take the swing.
Again, this was better than any other psychology book I've seen. But I really think the message in 5 to Thrive, is better, more relevant, clearer, and fits these ideas well. Kids need to know they are secure with their parents (and God), and who they are (in Christ). Their struggles do not define them, and they will face more difficult things in life than whatever they are going through.
I have a couple of problems with this book. I don't know if it is because I am a guy, more old school, or just because of my own up bringing and "little t" trauma.
First, it seemed like everything needs to be fixed with a conversation about feelings and emotions. It seems like her definition of resiliency doesn't mean forgetting about an event and moving on, it means talking about an event for hours and hours until you've worked through something that probably doesn't have any depth to it. A kid made fun of me, I didn't get picked for a team, I failed a math test. All of these require a two and half hour conversation about you are still loved, God still loves you, and God is still good. Any event happens in life that is even a little unexpected or undesired, and we need to spend the next several days/weeks/months analyzing the event. The only fix is to break out the coffee, open up the ice cream and let's pray and discuss and talk for the next two hours. To me, it reads like a woman's idea of a fix, but not a mans. Let's go build something, let's go shoot something, let's go play something, let's go punch something. Those are all ways we can get over whatever happened and move on with our lives.
In the same vein, everything need to be fixed. All of the above examples become moments of trauma. What some idiot said online becomes a moment of trauma. What some kid did, what some teacher did, what ever happens is a moment of trauma and needs to be worked through. When did we stop telling kids to knock it off and get over it? I tell my four year-old to eat his supper, he throws a giant fit, and now we have a moment of trauma we need to work through. My ten year-old didn't get her stripe in jujitsu, and we have a moment of trauma we need to work through. A fifteen year old gets his heart broken by a girl, and now we have a moment of trauma we need to work though. I'm not sure it is resiliency when we expect every little inconvenience in life to turn into trauma and we need to work through it.
I struggle with the fact that people have been struggling, failing, hit with unexpected nonsense for centuries. Honest to goodness, since Adam and Eve ate the apple the sin in this world has destroyed lives and caused legitimate problems. And humanity as a whole has never needed this type of thinking before . . .
We've decided to raise our kids with gloves on, and we've made weaker people because of it. We have leveled against them the Tyranny of Low Expectations, and now we don't expect them to be able to bounce back from a math test, or to go try to talk to another mate. We've allowed them to live in our basements indefinitely, and no discussion about feelings and emotions is going to fix that problem.
After reading this book, I can't tell if I'm resilient or not. I was never raised like this, and I'm not sure why we need to be insulated by conversations and safe spaces. I didn't make a team, my dad said it sucks and we tried again next year. I failed a test, I was told to go study and get my grades up. I had my heart broken by some girl, I got sad, listened to sappy music, and hit the gym to make her jealous the next time she saw me. These weren't moments of trauma that needed to be discussed so I would feel better, they were part of life and you had to move on.
There is an episode of Bluey I recently watched with my kids called Cricket and it gives the same message as this book, but better. Look, you're going to face tougher things in life than this, you can either run away or step up and take the swing.
Again, this was better than any other psychology book I've seen. But I really think the message in 5 to Thrive, is better, more relevant, clearer, and fits these ideas well. Kids need to know they are secure with their parents (and God), and who they are (in Christ). Their struggles do not define them, and they will face more difficult things in life than whatever they are going through.
October 2, 2023
Writing/style - 3. Content - 5.
The writing was a bit too simplistic and the flow was a bit hard to follow at times. Yet, at other times, there were sentences that made me pause because they were s0 well crafted and filled with substance.
That being said, this topic of raising resilient children (and being resilient yourself) was timely for me and our family and I recommend reading this. It's a quick read and will give you lots of applicable truths for becoming more resilient and raising resilient kids.
I think the most powerful concept in the book for me was the idea that hope comes when we realize that not everything is permanent. When faced with difficulty it's so easy to feel like things will be that way forever. That is not always true and if we can remember that things aren't always permanent, and determine our next step on our way out of the valley, then we will discover the power of resiliency.
The writing was a bit too simplistic and the flow was a bit hard to follow at times. Yet, at other times, there were sentences that made me pause because they were s0 well crafted and filled with substance.
That being said, this topic of raising resilient children (and being resilient yourself) was timely for me and our family and I recommend reading this. It's a quick read and will give you lots of applicable truths for becoming more resilient and raising resilient kids.
I think the most powerful concept in the book for me was the idea that hope comes when we realize that not everything is permanent. When faced with difficulty it's so easy to feel like things will be that way forever. That is not always true and if we can remember that things aren't always permanent, and determine our next step on our way out of the valley, then we will discover the power of resiliency.
February 8, 2023
Book 21 of 2023
This is the second book I've read by @KathyKoch and wow, do I appreciate her insights. As a parent who is trying to grow her son in faith and love, this was convicting in the best way. She really went through the ways that we as parents impact the resiliency of our children and how we grow those positive attributes and squash the negative ones. Am I guilty of thinking I am doing right but in reality am probably NOT making the best choice? Absolutely. This is why I appreciate @KathyKoch so much -- she shares practical, every day examples where I can infuse positive resiliency into our family that will have a lasting impact.
The best quote from the whole book for me? "You parent children, but are raising adults."
YES! Preach. I will most definitely continue to read from @KathyKoch.
Rating -- four stars
Format -- paperback
This is the second book I've read by @KathyKoch and wow, do I appreciate her insights. As a parent who is trying to grow her son in faith and love, this was convicting in the best way. She really went through the ways that we as parents impact the resiliency of our children and how we grow those positive attributes and squash the negative ones. Am I guilty of thinking I am doing right but in reality am probably NOT making the best choice? Absolutely. This is why I appreciate @KathyKoch so much -- she shares practical, every day examples where I can infuse positive resiliency into our family that will have a lasting impact.
The best quote from the whole book for me? "You parent children, but are raising adults."
YES! Preach. I will most definitely continue to read from @KathyKoch.
Rating -- four stars
Format -- paperback
June 5, 2023
This is the first book I've read by Kathy Koch and I found her thoughts and insight enlightening. The biggest takeaway for me was instilling hope in children, that though they make a mistake or fall today doesn't mean they will tomorrow. Her use of Scripture is helpful and wise as well. I always want to look to God's Word as I raise my own son so I appreciate that she grounds her advice in the Bible.
July 19, 2024
I'm listening this book a bit late in the game as all my kids are now young adults. Good basic advice that you can apply to your children and also relationships in other parts of life. Still, pretty basic and somewhat Pollyanna. If you do A, then B will happen, apparently. But perhaps the alternate C results are in another book.
I did not particularly appreciate the narrator for this book. A little too....syrupy for me. You might disagree.
I did not particularly appreciate the narrator for this book. A little too....syrupy for me. You might disagree.
January 25, 2024
Two stars is probably an underrating, but I didn’t enjoy this book and had to be resilient to finish. I think the content is pretty good (4 star probably), but the writing style and way she lays out her arguments was hard for me to follow or really get into. If you’re looking for parenting books, you may find this a good read (it’s pretty quick), but was not for me.
Read
October 15, 2024Heard Dr. Koch at a conference and really enjoyed her insight! Picked this book up soon after. I enjoyed this read, where Dr. Koch explains how we can help children build resilience across their life experiences. Her writing is straightforward and also easy to understand, even for those outside her field. I’ll be referencing this moving forward and I’m glad to have it on my bookshelf!
June 11, 2025
3.5 stars! Love Kathy Koch, her writing, practical tips, and biblical integration. Not my favorite of hers, truthfully. It felt very repetitive. However, the last chapter was true gold. If the entire book had been built upon it, I think my rating would have changed. Will still read all of her books at some point because her wisdom is unmatched!
January 2, 2026
fundamental for all parents
I learned so much from this book. I carried trauma from my childhood that I was passing unto my child. I pray that I can be resilient and show my child how to be resilient.
I learned so much from this book. I carried trauma from my childhood that I was passing unto my child. I pray that I can be resilient and show my child how to be resilient.
April 13, 2023
S1V1L1
July 5, 2023
Practical advice for parents raising kids but also thought-provoking ideas for adults about handling adversity.
September 23, 2024
Quick read-loved the last chapter on spiritual resiliency. Never had thought about that topic.
April 4, 2025
Practical, brief and easy parenting book — MADE FOR PARENTS. This was good and I learned so much. Dr Kathy is a real one ☝️
July 7, 2025
I think all parents need this
December 19, 2025
I especially liked the part on spiritual resiliency.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews