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Everyone's Invited
'Read this and learn – this is what a force for good looks like' Jess Phillips MP
'Her work has directly contributed to a groundswell of pent-up frustration and exhaustion from women and girls who have simply had enough. And people are listening.’ The Independent
‘Soma’s efforts feel more pressing than ever’ Vogue
We are all a part of a culture that is broken – and nobody benefits from it. It’s in the news we read, the films we watch, the music we listen to, the people we surround ourselves with, the institutions we navigate, the laws we follow, and the streets we walk.
We are part of a system that was founded on inequality and drastic power imbalance. Of course, many things are better than they were. But the age of social media has dramatically exposed truths previously hidden. In this collection of essays, covering subjects from porn to the patriarchy, Soma Sara draws a line between the different facets of our society that enable inequality to flourish. The scale of the problem is vast, and deeply entrenched in all of us.
Here, Soma Sara argues that we can flip the script and start solving the problem – and create a better society for everyone.
Everyone’s Invited is an essential and enlightening force to push us forward to a more equal world.
'Her work has directly contributed to a groundswell of pent-up frustration and exhaustion from women and girls who have simply had enough. And people are listening.’ The Independent
‘Soma’s efforts feel more pressing than ever’ Vogue
We are all a part of a culture that is broken – and nobody benefits from it. It’s in the news we read, the films we watch, the music we listen to, the people we surround ourselves with, the institutions we navigate, the laws we follow, and the streets we walk.
We are part of a system that was founded on inequality and drastic power imbalance. Of course, many things are better than they were. But the age of social media has dramatically exposed truths previously hidden. In this collection of essays, covering subjects from porn to the patriarchy, Soma Sara draws a line between the different facets of our society that enable inequality to flourish. The scale of the problem is vast, and deeply entrenched in all of us.
Here, Soma Sara argues that we can flip the script and start solving the problem – and create a better society for everyone.
Everyone’s Invited is an essential and enlightening force to push us forward to a more equal world.
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Published September 1, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
January 2, 2024
A wonderful read for anyone starting out on their journey of unravelling what it means to exist in a society dominated by gender inequality and power inbalance.
September 16, 2022
I read the book in one week. The content is crystal clear. The influence of the unlimited access to violent porn that current teenagers and young adults are growing up with is not a positive one. The sex positive movement has huge flaws which are not being discussed enough. So many parents and teachers have no clue about how much extreme content is accessed online by children, and how often.
The result? "A culture where girls "give" sexual pleasure but rarely receive, whilst boys fuck with ambivalence and detachment, porno style." If this sounds like exaggeration or over-dramatisation, I assure you, it's not. The statistics on sexual assault - some taking place in preimary schools!! - don't lie.
It's not all doom and gloom though, and Soma Sara is great at offering solutions and encouraging more empathy and dialogue.
I'm grateful to Tandem Collective and Simon Schuster for the copy of the book as well as the journaling and discussion prompts.
Read it now!!
The result? "A culture where girls "give" sexual pleasure but rarely receive, whilst boys fuck with ambivalence and detachment, porno style." If this sounds like exaggeration or over-dramatisation, I assure you, it's not. The statistics on sexual assault - some taking place in preimary schools!! - don't lie.
It's not all doom and gloom though, and Soma Sara is great at offering solutions and encouraging more empathy and dialogue.
I'm grateful to Tandem Collective and Simon Schuster for the copy of the book as well as the journaling and discussion prompts.
Read it now!!
August 20, 2023
A phenomenally even handed and incredibly difficult exploration of gender, sex and violence in the 21st century. An incredible read
November 27, 2022
'Everyone's Invited' by Soma Sara is a selection of essays surrounding gender stereotypes, sexual development, abuse and representation in society. It was a tough read, particularly in terms of its heavy and emotional content, but also as every page prompted a new internal debate as I read!
Initially, Everyone's Invited was an internet forum formed by Sara as an opportunity for women to share their experiences in a safe environment. Since reading the book, I have visited the website and there are some really important posts on there, particularly showing how expectations and acceptable behaviour has changed so much over the last few decades; however, it also highlights that we have so much more to do but I don't completely agree with Sara and her website's contributers about where the responsibility for that lies...
Let's start by looking at the topics of some of these essays. Sara discusses in depth the growing availability of violent porn that influences the sexual expectations of young people, the pressure young people are put under to 'perform' sexually, the entrenched patriarchal values our society presents us with, and the ultimate backlash she has received after forming her website. These issues are incredibly poignant right now and very well researched, which makes this an interesting read, to say the least. But, as with all books in this genre, there are bound to be elements that should not be stated as fact.
I found a lot of Sara's comments and views to be heavily biased, which became irritating after the 5th or 6th implication that all young girls are innocent victims of young boys' inevitable sexually predatorial behaviour. Whilst yes, the overwhelming majority of incidents she discusses fall into that category, there seems to be little-to-no consideration of other arguments.
Additionally, there seems to be a somewhat unreasonable expectation put on schools and educators to magically solve this problem. Sorry if I'm mistaken but since when did schools produce the violent porn she blames for violent sexual expectations? Since when were schools able to control what forms of social media young people access? And censor what young people see or put onto that social media? And since when were schools primarily responsible for raising children to be decent human beings? When I was young, my parents did that job, as they should. Towards the end of this book, Sara states that understanding the issues affecting our changing society is vital for groups of older generations who may not have experienced them firsthand. But the final group of people she mentions in this list is parents. Surely parents should be the first port of call when it comes to who is responsible for raising children and teaching them about healthy relationships!
All in all, a deep and thorough look into young people's changing relationships, but the blame falls far too quickly on the wrong groups of people.
Initially, Everyone's Invited was an internet forum formed by Sara as an opportunity for women to share their experiences in a safe environment. Since reading the book, I have visited the website and there are some really important posts on there, particularly showing how expectations and acceptable behaviour has changed so much over the last few decades; however, it also highlights that we have so much more to do but I don't completely agree with Sara and her website's contributers about where the responsibility for that lies...
Let's start by looking at the topics of some of these essays. Sara discusses in depth the growing availability of violent porn that influences the sexual expectations of young people, the pressure young people are put under to 'perform' sexually, the entrenched patriarchal values our society presents us with, and the ultimate backlash she has received after forming her website. These issues are incredibly poignant right now and very well researched, which makes this an interesting read, to say the least. But, as with all books in this genre, there are bound to be elements that should not be stated as fact.
I found a lot of Sara's comments and views to be heavily biased, which became irritating after the 5th or 6th implication that all young girls are innocent victims of young boys' inevitable sexually predatorial behaviour. Whilst yes, the overwhelming majority of incidents she discusses fall into that category, there seems to be little-to-no consideration of other arguments.
Additionally, there seems to be a somewhat unreasonable expectation put on schools and educators to magically solve this problem. Sorry if I'm mistaken but since when did schools produce the violent porn she blames for violent sexual expectations? Since when were schools able to control what forms of social media young people access? And censor what young people see or put onto that social media? And since when were schools primarily responsible for raising children to be decent human beings? When I was young, my parents did that job, as they should. Towards the end of this book, Sara states that understanding the issues affecting our changing society is vital for groups of older generations who may not have experienced them firsthand. But the final group of people she mentions in this list is parents. Surely parents should be the first port of call when it comes to who is responsible for raising children and teaching them about healthy relationships!
All in all, a deep and thorough look into young people's changing relationships, but the blame falls far too quickly on the wrong groups of people.
January 31, 2024
Amazing read, all the essays are sharp, critical and easy to read and touch on topics that have a massive effect on the lives of women and girls while not ignoring both intersectionality and the impact of patriarchy on men.
(thx Harry 10/10 bday gift)
(thx Harry 10/10 bday gift)
November 15, 2022
It's very interesting and well written and the author has made remarkable achievements.
In a few places the author is unaware of her youth and lack of perspective but makes strong points anyway. Such as the comment about drill music being blamed for crime because it's black music and that this wouldn't happen with white or rock music. However anyone over the age of 30 will have witnessed how Marilyn Manson and Eminem were blamed for all sorts of crimes. Not to mention black sabbath etc. This was major news at the time.
In my opinion its important to really analyse cultural history and understand if this is a pattern or something new that's happening. Is sexual assault and men's attitudes to sex made worse by online porn? According to this book, yes, however when speaking to my mother or grandmother - female pleasure has never been important and they were frequently and openly sexually assaulted *at work*. There wasn't even really a concept of consent at all and whores/mothers/virgins were really polarised "types" of women.
There's also little talk about LGBTQ issues or class, which she prefaces a little bit but doesn't really mention class or disability at all. Surely class and disability are as important as race to talk about?
These aren't criticisms it would just be nice to see in future as Soma explores her career.
In a few places the author is unaware of her youth and lack of perspective but makes strong points anyway. Such as the comment about drill music being blamed for crime because it's black music and that this wouldn't happen with white or rock music. However anyone over the age of 30 will have witnessed how Marilyn Manson and Eminem were blamed for all sorts of crimes. Not to mention black sabbath etc. This was major news at the time.
In my opinion its important to really analyse cultural history and understand if this is a pattern or something new that's happening. Is sexual assault and men's attitudes to sex made worse by online porn? According to this book, yes, however when speaking to my mother or grandmother - female pleasure has never been important and they were frequently and openly sexually assaulted *at work*. There wasn't even really a concept of consent at all and whores/mothers/virgins were really polarised "types" of women.
There's also little talk about LGBTQ issues or class, which she prefaces a little bit but doesn't really mention class or disability at all. Surely class and disability are as important as race to talk about?
These aren't criticisms it would just be nice to see in future as Soma explores her career.
February 3, 2023
With the exception of “Backlash” which talks about the incredible work of Everyone’s Invited in amplifying testimonies of harassment, the book’s arguments are not as nuanced as one would like and over-relies on Peggy Orenstein’s “Girls & Sex” and pop culture references to illustrate ideas; most of the time, I found myself reading and saying “duh, I knew that already”. A shallow dip of a toe into the pond of intersectional feminism.
January 24, 2025
1. Backlash
2. Ubiquitos Porn and Naïve Parents
3. Just a Joke
4. Movements Making Movements
5. Pain is Normal
6. The Best Men Can Be
7. The Collectors
8. The Cost of Beauty
9. Objects
10. Beyond Gender Scripts
11. I Feel You Watching
12. Nothing Compares to an English Rose
13. Love Story
2. Ubiquitos Porn and Naïve Parents
3. Just a Joke
4. Movements Making Movements
5. Pain is Normal
6. The Best Men Can Be
7. The Collectors
8. The Cost of Beauty
9. Objects
10. Beyond Gender Scripts
11. I Feel You Watching
12. Nothing Compares to an English Rose
13. Love Story
August 19, 2025
— 3.5 stars ✰
I would like to preface this review by saying that I have been privileged and ignorant enough where I didn’t know about the existence of the ‘Everyone’s invited’ movement/database until now. I knew about the Offsted reports done by schools and the rules where perpetrators had to be disclosed on a list by schools, but I picked this up not because I knew who Soma Sara was, but rather because I found the essay topics to be quite interesting.
Overall, I have enjoyed this essay collections with a wide range of topics centering on feminism, dealing with and preventing abuse (both sexual and domestic in nature), and the impact media can have on society. I think it takes immense bravery to share essays on this topic, especially as Soma Sara also discusses some of her own experiences and the experiences of her peers.
There were some good discussion points, that while I feel like could be common sense to some part of the general population, could also simply be things some readers have never thought about deeply enough. For example, the accessibility and overconsumption of pornography leading to unrealistic expectations and an increase in sexual-based violence. Because so many teenagers and adults over rely on this resource, it can lead to plain intimacy without the degradation so often seen on screen, being perceived as vanilla and thus negatively impact the ability to form deeper connections and healthy relationships. I also liked the discussion of how different races are often put onto a hierarchy of desirability because I have certainly noticed this being mentioned at university level etc and it has always made me feel quite uncomfortable how someone’s romantic worth can be dictated simply by the way they look. It was good to see this being called out by Soma Sara and highlighted as unacceptable.
A couple of other things that I noted which I liked:
1. Some of the essays were centered around experiences of different races and told stories of real people, so if the reader wanted they could research these people themselves. So often feminist literature only takes into account the perspective of white Western women, so it was nice to see a slightly different side.
2. There was a good mix of pop-culture references/discussions and scientific reports/papers to back up what the author was discussing whilst also making it time-appropriate. The addition of historical events (e.g. the Suffragette movement, the George Floyd incident …) also helped with this.
One of the criticisms I had while reading this book pertains particularly to chapter ‘The best men can be’ where derogatory behaviors were discussed among other topics. The book quotes ‘sexism is a part of a continuum of violence’ and then goes on to explain that it begins with misogynistic language, giving real-life examples. And whilst I do think that we shouldn’t be allowing these behaviors and should certainly educate the men around us, I felt like saying ‘the end point of such misogyny is rape and murder’ seemed quite intense. I can imagine someone reading this, especially let’s say a guy who maybe has made some of these comments or jokes in the past without realizing the effects they hold and then coming across this line. It would instantly make them think whether having made such comments now predisposes them to become a rapist/murdered and whether it is perhaps inevitable because it is the end-point of such behavior, suggesting that it is what you tumble towards if you have made such comments. Instead, I feel like there were other ways to go about discussing this. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t take away from the book but if I was to recommend an approachable non-fiction regarding sexism and abuse, especially to the male population, I would want to cherry pick specific essays so that if this is the readers first experience with feminist literature they don’t assume that all of it unapologetically calls people out for their behavior.
With that being said, here are some particular essays that I found to be more insightful personally for me: I feel you watching, Nothing compares to an English rose, Ubiquitous porn and naive parents.
Notes: would not recommend this to anyone under the age of 16-17
I would like to preface this review by saying that I have been privileged and ignorant enough where I didn’t know about the existence of the ‘Everyone’s invited’ movement/database until now. I knew about the Offsted reports done by schools and the rules where perpetrators had to be disclosed on a list by schools, but I picked this up not because I knew who Soma Sara was, but rather because I found the essay topics to be quite interesting.
Overall, I have enjoyed this essay collections with a wide range of topics centering on feminism, dealing with and preventing abuse (both sexual and domestic in nature), and the impact media can have on society. I think it takes immense bravery to share essays on this topic, especially as Soma Sara also discusses some of her own experiences and the experiences of her peers.
There were some good discussion points, that while I feel like could be common sense to some part of the general population, could also simply be things some readers have never thought about deeply enough. For example, the accessibility and overconsumption of pornography leading to unrealistic expectations and an increase in sexual-based violence. Because so many teenagers and adults over rely on this resource, it can lead to plain intimacy without the degradation so often seen on screen, being perceived as vanilla and thus negatively impact the ability to form deeper connections and healthy relationships. I also liked the discussion of how different races are often put onto a hierarchy of desirability because I have certainly noticed this being mentioned at university level etc and it has always made me feel quite uncomfortable how someone’s romantic worth can be dictated simply by the way they look. It was good to see this being called out by Soma Sara and highlighted as unacceptable.
A couple of other things that I noted which I liked:
1. Some of the essays were centered around experiences of different races and told stories of real people, so if the reader wanted they could research these people themselves. So often feminist literature only takes into account the perspective of white Western women, so it was nice to see a slightly different side.
2. There was a good mix of pop-culture references/discussions and scientific reports/papers to back up what the author was discussing whilst also making it time-appropriate. The addition of historical events (e.g. the Suffragette movement, the George Floyd incident …) also helped with this.
One of the criticisms I had while reading this book pertains particularly to chapter ‘The best men can be’ where derogatory behaviors were discussed among other topics. The book quotes ‘sexism is a part of a continuum of violence’ and then goes on to explain that it begins with misogynistic language, giving real-life examples. And whilst I do think that we shouldn’t be allowing these behaviors and should certainly educate the men around us, I felt like saying ‘the end point of such misogyny is rape and murder’ seemed quite intense. I can imagine someone reading this, especially let’s say a guy who maybe has made some of these comments or jokes in the past without realizing the effects they hold and then coming across this line. It would instantly make them think whether having made such comments now predisposes them to become a rapist/murdered and whether it is perhaps inevitable because it is the end-point of such behavior, suggesting that it is what you tumble towards if you have made such comments. Instead, I feel like there were other ways to go about discussing this. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t take away from the book but if I was to recommend an approachable non-fiction regarding sexism and abuse, especially to the male population, I would want to cherry pick specific essays so that if this is the readers first experience with feminist literature they don’t assume that all of it unapologetically calls people out for their behavior.
With that being said, here are some particular essays that I found to be more insightful personally for me: I feel you watching, Nothing compares to an English rose, Ubiquitous porn and naive parents.
September 23, 2022
Grateful to Tandem Collective UK for a gifted copy of Everyone's Invited for their readalong.
This book follows the successful launch of Soma Sara's social media platform of the same name, where sexual abuse victims can share their experiences anonymously.
I'd not heard of the website before (www.everyonesinvited.uk) but I had a look through the submissions and I just sobbed as I read the first couple. Do heed the trigger warnings and process with as much care as you need to if you take a look also.
I've read non-fiction of a similar ilk before but this really resonated with me. A lot of the books I've read already by other authors include a lot of words that don't really say anything, blah blah blah same same same, but this screams THIS IS ME TOO - I AM THIS PERSON - I HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS. It does not shy away from dealing reality punches.
It was utterly eye-opening. As a female, there are certain experiences that have become normal that shouldn't be, but this book highlighted areas that I'm not exposed to, such as the shocking statistics behind sexual abuse in schools. The reality of the dangers online are getting increasingly scary and more needs to be done to protect ALL children and adults. Businesses behind the gateways to potential harmful information need to step up and take responsibility. Today the story of Molly Russell is making headlines; more needs to be done by social media sites and websites generally to restrict access to potentially damaging material.
If you've not watched 'The Most Hated Man on the Internet' on Netflix then do give it a watch. Everyone's Invited is the complete antithesis to this and while there should be no need for EI to exist, there's a very real and genuine cause behind it.
This was incredibly tough reading at times but we should not have the option to hide away from it when so many can't because it affects their lives. It's powerful and heartbreaking, told in a way that does not approach shyly.
If you work in an education facility, support children/teens/young adults, or have children yourself this is sadly a must-read.
This book follows the successful launch of Soma Sara's social media platform of the same name, where sexual abuse victims can share their experiences anonymously.
I'd not heard of the website before (www.everyonesinvited.uk) but I had a look through the submissions and I just sobbed as I read the first couple. Do heed the trigger warnings and process with as much care as you need to if you take a look also.
I've read non-fiction of a similar ilk before but this really resonated with me. A lot of the books I've read already by other authors include a lot of words that don't really say anything, blah blah blah same same same, but this screams THIS IS ME TOO - I AM THIS PERSON - I HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS. It does not shy away from dealing reality punches.
It was utterly eye-opening. As a female, there are certain experiences that have become normal that shouldn't be, but this book highlighted areas that I'm not exposed to, such as the shocking statistics behind sexual abuse in schools. The reality of the dangers online are getting increasingly scary and more needs to be done to protect ALL children and adults. Businesses behind the gateways to potential harmful information need to step up and take responsibility. Today the story of Molly Russell is making headlines; more needs to be done by social media sites and websites generally to restrict access to potentially damaging material.
If you've not watched 'The Most Hated Man on the Internet' on Netflix then do give it a watch. Everyone's Invited is the complete antithesis to this and while there should be no need for EI to exist, there's a very real and genuine cause behind it.
This was incredibly tough reading at times but we should not have the option to hide away from it when so many can't because it affects their lives. It's powerful and heartbreaking, told in a way that does not approach shyly.
If you work in an education facility, support children/teens/young adults, or have children yourself this is sadly a must-read.
November 23, 2022
I bought this book in a bookshop in Brussels where it had one of these „readers recommend“ stickers with fantastic praise on it, so I bought it not really knowing what it was about. Coming from Germany, I had never heard about Everyone’s Invited (EI).
The book is a collection of essays reflecting on her work with EI and an in-depth look at sexual violence among teenagers and young adults in the UK. Many parts were harrowing but unfortunately not surprising at all. As a soon-to-be dad to a new human being, I wonder how it will be for them growing up? What kind of conversations will we need to have? How can I support them to be safe from violence, to be a safe person to others and someone who will raise their voice for those abused?
I was particularly captured by what struck me as outstanding maturity and insight: Soma Sara repeatedly rejected a simple good/bad dichotomy, stressing the complexity of our humanity. While she uncompromisingly stands on the side of victims, her hope is not to destroy those who lash back or are the perpetrators of violence, but to ultimately win them over to a common flourishing.
The book is a collection of essays reflecting on her work with EI and an in-depth look at sexual violence among teenagers and young adults in the UK. Many parts were harrowing but unfortunately not surprising at all. As a soon-to-be dad to a new human being, I wonder how it will be for them growing up? What kind of conversations will we need to have? How can I support them to be safe from violence, to be a safe person to others and someone who will raise their voice for those abused?
I was particularly captured by what struck me as outstanding maturity and insight: Soma Sara repeatedly rejected a simple good/bad dichotomy, stressing the complexity of our humanity. While she uncompromisingly stands on the side of victims, her hope is not to destroy those who lash back or are the perpetrators of violence, but to ultimately win them over to a common flourishing.
September 9, 2022
Ease of Reading: 4✨
Substantiality: 4✨
Impactfulness: 5✨
Writing: 3✨
Overall: 4✨
Format: Hardback
Month Read: Sep 22
Recommend: 💯
This is such an important and modern read. This book includes a selection of essays from the founder of the website Everyone’s Invited which is a space for any survivors/victims of sexual violence to share their experiences anonymously.
The books touches on a plethora of feminist issues such as pornography and sexual education in schools all the way to language and toxic masculinity. There are lots of very up to date references and the essays are clearly well researched.
This book is easy to read from a writing perspective but has a lot of difficult topics and trigger warnings. But is a must for any person to educate themselves on important human rights issues.
Really well done book.
Substantiality: 4✨
Impactfulness: 5✨
Writing: 3✨
Overall: 4✨
Format: Hardback
Month Read: Sep 22
Recommend: 💯
This is such an important and modern read. This book includes a selection of essays from the founder of the website Everyone’s Invited which is a space for any survivors/victims of sexual violence to share their experiences anonymously.
The books touches on a plethora of feminist issues such as pornography and sexual education in schools all the way to language and toxic masculinity. There are lots of very up to date references and the essays are clearly well researched.
This book is easy to read from a writing perspective but has a lot of difficult topics and trigger warnings. But is a must for any person to educate themselves on important human rights issues.
Really well done book.
April 25, 2023
This is a powerful book that addresses the widespread issue of sexual harassment and assault. Knowing that it was written when she was just 23 is extraordinary and gives me hope that it is the next generation that has the power to change the global feminist landscape.
Drawing from her own experience and the global movement she started, Sara provides a compelling and courageous account of the challenges faced by survivors and the urgent need for change. Through personal stories and practical advice, Sara calls for accountability and action at individual, societal, and institutional levels. Her writing is raw and emotional, challenging readers to confront their biases and assumptions, and take meaningful action towards creating a safer and more inclusive world for everyone. Highly recommended for anyone who cares about social justice and gender equality.
Drawing from her own experience and the global movement she started, Sara provides a compelling and courageous account of the challenges faced by survivors and the urgent need for change. Through personal stories and practical advice, Sara calls for accountability and action at individual, societal, and institutional levels. Her writing is raw and emotional, challenging readers to confront their biases and assumptions, and take meaningful action towards creating a safer and more inclusive world for everyone. Highly recommended for anyone who cares about social justice and gender equality.
February 18, 2024
I appreciate the work the author does a lot. I think the ideas in this book are not groundbreaking and the writing is plain, clear and supported by strong anecdotes so it works as a nice introduction to some feminist or progressive ideas about inclusion. As a literary read I rate it two stars since I didn't really engage any new perspectives from reading it. It is not particularly incisive but it is solid and accessible (which the field could do more of!). I would recommend it to someone who hasn't read too much political or cultural critique but is curious about it and wants something clear and non-pretentious.
March 14, 2024
really comprehensive and well balanced on its subject matter. there's a lot in here about r*pe culture and anti-feminism that i think ppl who are semi to terminally online might take for granted but definitely necessary depending on the audience. there's also a lot in here that took me completely out of left field; points of pain caused by our patriarchy that i never experienced from my "male socialised" childhood.
September 21, 2022
A hugely important book that everyone needs to read. It touches upon some very sensitive issues in a really honest and frank way and it's frightening to think that children are growing up in a social media dominated world that is so damaging. A definite must read.
November 28, 2022
Everyone’s Invited by Soma Sara. A collection of essays written by Sara who founded Everyone’s Invited - an organisation which allows survivors of rape culture to share their stories anonymously. A wonderful book which highlights how the institutions in our society perpetuate inequality. From the news we watch, the music we listen to, the laws we follow, the institutions we navigate and the people we surround ourselves with - it all comes down to a broken system which needs fixing.
Sara draws on topics such as pornography and the effect of it and how widely accessible it is to anyone. Parents and teachers don’t know the extent to which children freely access these sites and how this plays into how they think sex should work. Girls “give” sexual pleasure but rarely receive and boys fuck with ambivalence and detachment porno style. Due to the violent and unrealistic nature of pornography, boys believe this is the way to behave. Soma says that her peers believed “sex felt like a chore, an act they felt ambivalent towards rather than and experience of general arousal, enjoyment or excitement”. Girls are pressured into sex to meet the needs of boys. Really important read.
Sara draws on topics such as pornography and the effect of it and how widely accessible it is to anyone. Parents and teachers don’t know the extent to which children freely access these sites and how this plays into how they think sex should work. Girls “give” sexual pleasure but rarely receive and boys fuck with ambivalence and detachment porno style. Due to the violent and unrealistic nature of pornography, boys believe this is the way to behave. Soma says that her peers believed “sex felt like a chore, an act they felt ambivalent towards rather than and experience of general arousal, enjoyment or excitement”. Girls are pressured into sex to meet the needs of boys. Really important read.
May 4, 2023
This book helped me the further my understanding on feminism and ways we have been desensitised to rape culture.
An eye opening experience that has made me come to terms with what I have a experienced.
An eye opening experience that has made me come to terms with what I have a experienced.
May 9, 2023
This is such an important book that everyone should read - no matter their age or gender. It covers important issues and some hard to swallow statistics, but ones we should all be aware of to enable change.
December 6, 2022
"to be a woman is to be in pain and to be in pain is to be a woman." included more new information to me than i was expecting. so so so important
June 28, 2023
Such an important read!
September 1, 2024
Decent take on this genre/topic. Definitely for younger readers.
August 8, 2025
3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
July 31, 2025
Everyone’s Invited is an important, timely, and unflinching read. Soma Sara expands on the movement she started online, weaving together personal experience, anonymous testimonies, and social commentary to confront the culture of misogyny, harassment, and sexual violence—particularly among young people and in educational institutions.
Reading this felt like being handed a mirror and being asked to look not just at society, but at the subtle and not-so-subtle ways harmful behaviors are normalized, often from a young age. Sara’s writing is clear, direct, and purpose-driven. She doesn’t try to intellectualize trauma or sensationalize it—she lets the testimonies and statistics speak for themselves, while offering context and tools for change.
What stood out to me most was the scope of the book. It doesn’t just highlight individual stories of harm—it examines the entire structure that allows rape culture to exist: silence, complicity, victim-blaming, and gendered expectations. It’s both heartbreaking and galvanizing.
That said, at times the writing felt slightly repetitive or surface-level in parts where I hoped for deeper analysis. But I also recognize that this book isn’t trying to be academic—it’s trying to be accessible, inclusive, and action-oriented. And on that front, it really succeeds.
Reading this felt like being handed a mirror and being asked to look not just at society, but at the subtle and not-so-subtle ways harmful behaviors are normalized, often from a young age. Sara’s writing is clear, direct, and purpose-driven. She doesn’t try to intellectualize trauma or sensationalize it—she lets the testimonies and statistics speak for themselves, while offering context and tools for change.
What stood out to me most was the scope of the book. It doesn’t just highlight individual stories of harm—it examines the entire structure that allows rape culture to exist: silence, complicity, victim-blaming, and gendered expectations. It’s both heartbreaking and galvanizing.
That said, at times the writing felt slightly repetitive or surface-level in parts where I hoped for deeper analysis. But I also recognize that this book isn’t trying to be academic—it’s trying to be accessible, inclusive, and action-oriented. And on that front, it really succeeds.
September 26, 2022
This is a collection from Soma Sara who founded the Everyone’s Invited initiation. The essays are based around inequality, sexism and rape culture in a patriarchal society.
I read this as part of the @tandemcollectiveuk read-and-journal-along along with a great group of people. There were question and journal prompts provided to us to enhance our engagement with the book.
The essays were very well written and researched. Soma is very eloquent and measured in her beliefs. I think she did a great job of explaining and giving examples of rape culture and how this effects society.
I thought all of the essays in the collection were very strong and there wasn’t a weak link however some had more resonance to me. I thought the ones on internet pornography and online sexual harassment were especially thought provoking.
This isn’t presenting any new ideas however it is a great reference regarding these topics and Soma appears to be a great advocate for change in society.
I read this as part of the @tandemcollectiveuk read-and-journal-along along with a great group of people. There were question and journal prompts provided to us to enhance our engagement with the book.
The essays were very well written and researched. Soma is very eloquent and measured in her beliefs. I think she did a great job of explaining and giving examples of rape culture and how this effects society.
I thought all of the essays in the collection were very strong and there wasn’t a weak link however some had more resonance to me. I thought the ones on internet pornography and online sexual harassment were especially thought provoking.
This isn’t presenting any new ideas however it is a great reference regarding these topics and Soma appears to be a great advocate for change in society.
January 19, 2023
Insightful
January 18, 2024
Felt like the right time to post my review of this one... ya know, whilst we're all talking about it!
It's another one of those that it's hard to say I enjoyed... not because it's bad, nowhere near in fact, but because the subject matter is just so maddening.
When Soma Sara first shared her personal experiences on her social media account. And, after receiving a huge response from people who connected with her story she started Everyone's Invited as a safe space online for people to share their own experiences. 3 years later and these stories, anonymously submitted, are still furthering the conversation about rape culture with millions of people.
It's reported that over 70% of women in the UK have been the victim of some form of sexual harassment, with that number rising to 97% in the 18-24 age bracket.
This is a collection of essays in which she writes about the first few months of Everyone's Invited, the backlash she got from schools, commentators and parents, but also how clear it became that this is a huge issue for our young people, especially in spaces they should feel safest. It's not a book which demonises men and boys, as she explains that the term 'rape culture' refers to the implied permission given to gateway behaviours which "when left unchecked by passive bystanders and wider communities, can lead to criminal acts such as rape and sexual assault." We are all responsible.
But this book is not about "cancel culture", quite the opposite in fact, it is about acknowledging that these behaviours are so ingrained within the culture of our schools, universities and streets, that the perpetrators of sexual harassment don't really understand the harm that they are doing. She makes it clear that the way to fixing the problem is not to demonise men and bovs but to further educate boys AND girls on the issue.
This was a well-written and considered book, accessible and easy to read... if a little anger-inducing at times!
It's another one of those that it's hard to say I enjoyed... not because it's bad, nowhere near in fact, but because the subject matter is just so maddening.
When Soma Sara first shared her personal experiences on her social media account. And, after receiving a huge response from people who connected with her story she started Everyone's Invited as a safe space online for people to share their own experiences. 3 years later and these stories, anonymously submitted, are still furthering the conversation about rape culture with millions of people.
It's reported that over 70% of women in the UK have been the victim of some form of sexual harassment, with that number rising to 97% in the 18-24 age bracket.
This is a collection of essays in which she writes about the first few months of Everyone's Invited, the backlash she got from schools, commentators and parents, but also how clear it became that this is a huge issue for our young people, especially in spaces they should feel safest. It's not a book which demonises men and boys, as she explains that the term 'rape culture' refers to the implied permission given to gateway behaviours which "when left unchecked by passive bystanders and wider communities, can lead to criminal acts such as rape and sexual assault." We are all responsible.
But this book is not about "cancel culture", quite the opposite in fact, it is about acknowledging that these behaviours are so ingrained within the culture of our schools, universities and streets, that the perpetrators of sexual harassment don't really understand the harm that they are doing. She makes it clear that the way to fixing the problem is not to demonise men and bovs but to further educate boys AND girls on the issue.
This was a well-written and considered book, accessible and easy to read... if a little anger-inducing at times!
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