Does Monogamy Work? (The Big Idea Series) (The Big Idea Series): A Primer for the 21st Century

The Big Idea

by Luke Brunning

Even with the current rise in awareness of sexual and intimate diversity, monogamous relationships remain the cultural norm. Most people aspire to it, and the state encourages it, providing legal and financial benefits to married couples; however, statistics show adultery is commonplace, marriage rates are falling, and divorce  figures are rising. This entry in the Big Idea series traces the evolution and normalization of the monogamous ideal—questioning whether it is “natural” or not—and surveys the spectrum of alternative relationship models that people are seeking out in a world of internet dating and birth control. It explores the emotional and psychological facets of ethical polyamorous relationships; questions whether these relationships benefit men disproportionately and whether they are compatible with raising children; and assesses the likelihood that diverse forms of multipartner marriages and large friendship networks will become the norm in the future.


With over 150 color images and incisive, engaging, and authoritative text, Does Monogamy Work? examines society’s attachment to monogamy, evaluates its benefits and limitations, and assesses the merits of polyamorous relationship models in our modern world.

Genres: Nonfiction

267 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 20, 2020

Reviews

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. Some interesting further reading, background, and philosophical concepts raised, but few conclusions reached.

[Flikouras · Rating 4 out of 5]

Έτοιμος για φασαιοσυζητησεις στην Γαύδο.

[Olivia Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book!
I enjoyed how it looked through era, society and culture to explore how alien the concept of monogamy is in the modern form.
I like how it talked from a scientific and sociological perspective about how monogamy doesn’t really work and the flaws in the way it’s used today, as well as exploring the other more successful modules of relationships.
Definitely worth the read. 4*

[Sunshine Biskaps · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Does Monogamy Work" by Luke Brunning
Reviewed on 14 February 2023

I came across this book in my public library and was compelled to read it. I love it took us through the different eras and parts of the world to explore the different viewpoints about monogamy. I thought the map of the different countries where polygamy is illegal (but not criminalised) was interesting. In America (my home country), it is definitely frowned upon and should be criminalised, however there are many religious "cults" living in faraway hidden areas who practice it and the law seems to turn a blind eye. These cultures are very much male-driven societies where women and children do not have their own voices. It reminds me of the disturbing Netflix documentary called "Stay Sweet" if I remember correctly.

It was no surprise that Middle Eastern countries practice polygamy with men marrying multiple women and it is also allowed of Muslims in Singapore and similar countries. I also believe it is allowed in Indonesia. I found the Tibetan farmlands where women are allowed to marry multiple men (usually brothers) to keep the land in the family quite fascinating.

The chapter about the opposite of jealousy is compersion was really interesting. How can we find compersion and replace feelings of jealousy with joy? Great questions! I love how this book explores it all without saying one is right and the other is wrong.

Monogamy may work for some couples, and not for others. Overall, a neat book with interesting facts. However, I will say that the different size fonts and grey on black highlights were quite distracting. I would have loved for the photos to be emphasised more in the text of the book, also. Still, a book I mention to my friends as the concepts in it were really cool!

[Nat · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t know if the book went far enough but also the different sized fonts was disconcerting

[Erin Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this! It was well written, well referenced, and having the photos throughout was a nice change from other similarly dry essay-style books. It was a well balanced discourse on non-monogomy and I liked how it acknowledged how non-monogomous relationships can't be evaluated without also considering social factors, gender, race and geographic location and financial status. The line towards the end, "it is one thing to be a rich, middle-aged, white, male Californian who wants to have an open relationship and quite another to be a queer Mexican woman in a polyamorous triad or a young, poor Bedouin Arab woman in a polygamous marriage", best sums that up.

The different font was disconcerting but I quickly got used to it. In some ways it is quite impressive - if you want a quick read you can read the bigger sized text, and it still delivers the same information, just more concisely. I felt that requires very talented editing/writing!

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buon libro per chi è alle prime armi con la non monogamia e vuole vedere tutte le facce della medaglia.
Interessante analisi antropologia e sociologica ma che resta comunque per persone agli inizi con queste dinamiche.

Grande minus all’impaginazione. Il libro è illeggibile con una gerarchia del testo a caso (per piacere usa una gabbia e un maledetto bold). L’occhio salta a destra e sinistra solo per cercare immagini, note di approfondimento e didascalie. Davvero pessima esperienza di lettura da quel punto di vista
(No, non è brutalista o sperimentale. È solo fatto male.)

[Carla Sousa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quando as relações monogamicas falham o problema é daquelas pessoas ou daquele contexto.. se forem as não monogamicas, então o problema já é do modelo relacional.
Este livro constrói argumentos históricos, psicológicos e sociais para estas questões, sem deixar o realismo do complexo que é viver uma relação não hegemónica (e ter família) numa sociedade patriarcal e heteronormativa. A ler!

[E · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice short (144 pages) summary of the history behind how monogamy has become to be the dominant ideal in most cultures for intimate, sexual relationships and what non-monogamous alternatives there are and their implications.

[Sophie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It gives a succinct background on monogamy and explores how the ideals of monogamy and non-monogamy may evolve in the future. I also enjoyed how the author highlights the role that governments play in pushing one version of monogamy onto many of us. Further, I appreciated how it opened my mind up to just how diverse relationships and their underlying structures can be.

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really balanced. I really loved the discussion on jealousy/compersion, a term I'd never heard of before.

[George Jackson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mediocre, unremarkable, but informative nonetheless.